#not today though because it involves maths and it's 1am

[finnlongman]

if you don't mind sharing, how much do you make from your books/articles?

From my articles, absolutely nothing. Academic publishing doesn't really pay. Well, I did win a prize for the seven Maines article, so I got £200 for that, but a prize is not really the same thing as earning money for it, and my other articles (both published and currently in progress) have all been done for free.

The general idea with academic publishing is, I think, that you will do your research as part of your salaried academic job and publish as part of your contribution to your university's research community. Which is all very well if you have a salaried academic job, but for the rest of us, means you spend a lot of time working for free in pursuit of knowledge. 🤷🏻 It's a broken system but it's what we've got. It's one of the reasons I do my best to make my articles available open-access when I can, because if I'm not getting paid for them, why should anyone else have to pay to read them? I didn't do all that free work to hide them from the people who'd benefit most from them!

As for my fiction, the maths is a little complex due to how advances are structured (and because my first two books were jointly accounted, so I got part of the advance for both of them together, whereas my third book was a separate contract), but roughly it works out at a little over £10k/yr so far. This is, evidently, not a living wage by any stretch of the imagination, which is why I also have a day job, and am actively pursuing multiple genres/writing opportunities to try and increase this number.

The median income for a primary-occupation author in the UK is £7.5k/yr, so by that metric, I'm doing pretty well. Unfortunately, the bar is on the floor. If you want a lucrative job, I cannot recommend either independent scholarship or writing YA fiction, sorry.

This is also why I laugh hysterically and then cry for a while when people make statements about authors being rich, because most of us are earning way below minimum wage even if we're lucky enough to get published. Woohoo, capitalism!

[miss-wanderlustwriter]

The Sky (Part 2)

Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things) x Reader

~2500 words

Let me know what you think, this is my first Billy fanfic!

Feedback, suggestions & requests all welcome ♥

Summary: So after meeting Billy Hargrove at Tina’s Halloween party, feeling a heated connection but not wanting to be sucked in and used by the arsehole, he seems to appear when you’re trying to avoid him, but it’s surprisingly easy to be around him. (Yeah so I’m rubbish at summaries.)

Part 1  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

(Of course I don’t condone the actions of Billy at all in the show, but I’m intrigued by the character and let’s face it Dacre Montgomery is hot as hell, and such an amazing actor!)

Approaching the next week of school, I had one goal: avoid Billy Hargrove. I did not need him spinning round my head and confusing everything. It was already trouble enough with the Steve and Nancy situation. Which did not improve, they officially broke up.

Steve seemed to find a friend in Dustin, and Nancy and Jonathan went MIA, again. I know it’s something to do with the upside-down, but I knew the bare minimum (alternate universe = dangerous) and they had to promise not to get me involved unless absolutely necessary (Hawkins lab rules) which was fine by me.

So I tried to focus on my school work, I wasn’t the smartest kid in class but I wasn’t stupid. Since my friends were doing god knows what in the Upside-Down, I tended to spend most of my spare time in the library studying.

And then suddenly my time wasn’t spent on my own so much and my one goal flew out the window. Billy would acknowledge me in the halls and in the classes we had together, and he just showed up one day in the library.

“This seat taken?”

I looked up to see Billy freaking Hargrove standing next to my table. I rolled my eyes at him. “No. But I swear to God Billy don’t you dare start with your arrogance and shit pick up lines trying to get into my pants because it’s not going to work” I furiously whispered.

“Okay okay princess calm down, I come in peace,” It was his turn to roll his eyes at me. “I really just want to study, I need to pass this maths exam we have in a few weeks.”

My eyes narrowed at him but I really believed him. So I gave him a nod, he sat down on the other side of the table and we studied in silence. This became the norm over the next few days, which turned into weeks. He would sit with me, actually studying, and we just offered greetings and goodbyes. It was surprisingly comfortable with him around, even though I did get distracted by how devilishly handsome he was, especially when his brow was furrowed over a maths problem.

And so today was no different. Although the maths test was on Monday, and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen after then. My chest tightened at the thought that he wouldn’t be around anymore or bother with me, I kind of got used to his presence. He was actually quite pleasant and tolerable when he wasn’t being an arse.

“Hey there Princess.” I was brought out of my trance as he sat down in the chair closest to me today, this was new.  

“Oh hey.” As I focused back to my notes.

“You okay?” He asked with a little amusement in his voice.

“Me? Yeah I’m fine.” I said, looking back up at him.

A smirk was playing on his lips, it reached his bright blue eyes which were fixed on mine for a few seconds longer than necessary, before he looked down at his maths notes from today’s class. “Okay Princess.”

We worked in silence as usual until the bell rang signalling the end of lunch. “Hey,” Billy started as we stood up, “Can I err, drive you home tonight?” He actually looked quite sheepish, with one hand on the back of his neck.

I stopped and looked at him wide eyed, this was also new.

“Oh, yeah sure.” I automatically answered.

“Okay, see you later Princess.” He offered with a wink.

I tried my best to focus for the rest of the day but my mind was in over drive. What the hell. Billy wanted to drive me home. Why. Did this mean we were friends. Was he still just playing me like at the Halloween party. Only one way to find out.

When the bell rang at the end of the day I calmly, or as calm as I could muster, made my way across the parking lot to wear Billy was already stood leaning against his Camaro smoking a cigarette.

“Hargrove.”

“Princess.”

I rolled my eyes at the nickname that for some reason seemed to have stuck since the party. “Come on I do have an actual name you know.”

“Yeah I know.” He flicked the cigarette stub away and raised an eyebrow at me, “Coming? Y/N.”

“Maybe.” I smirked as I climbed into his car, ignoring the stares I could feel on my back.

I heard him chuckle as got in the driver’s seat. Music started blaring out the speakers as he started the car up and I couldn’t believe my ears as we were driving out the parking lot, I loved Mötley Crüe and Kickstart My Heart was one of my favourites!

“I’m impressed Hargrove, you actually have good music taste!”

“What? You didn’t think I had good taste in music?! I’m hurt Princess, real hurt.” He mockingly shot me down.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay okay I’m sorry, forgiven?”

“Maybe.” He glanced sideways at me with that smirk creeping onto his face.

For the all too short journey we laughed, sang and threw banter back and forth like we’d been doing it forever. I was actually enjoying Billy Hargrove’s company; and especially his mixed tape.

We pulled up outside my house as Billy turned to me and put me under his intense stare.

“So, Tina’s having another party next weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to go? With me? As my date?” He smiles, so confidently, I can’t believe I actually nearly say yes. But a date isn’t like a ride home from school and I catch myself.

“Oh Billy,” I flash him my best smile and say “Don’t push it pretty boy; but this was fun, we should do it again some time.”  As I get out the car I slam the door shut and make my way up to my front door. Before I can take two steps I hear him shout “So you think I’m pretty then?!” And I just wave my hand in the air to dismiss him without turning around.

I was smiling to myself as I walked through the front door nearly straight into my Mom on the other side.

“Oh shit sorry Mom.”

“Hey sweetie, don’t worry,” She presses a kiss to my forehead, “I got called in for a shift at the hospital, I know I know it was meant to be my night off but they’re desperate.” She finished as I gave her a glare, she worked too hard at that hospital, but I knew they cherished her, she was one of the best nurses they had. I just wish she’d take more time to herself, but she’s always been that way, so caring.

I sighed, “Okay Mom, I know how much they need you, you’re the best.”

She smiled, “Anyways, what had you smiling like you had a secret just now?”

“What? Oh nothing.”

“Sure? Who was in the car that was driving off?”

“Just a friend,” Is he a friend?! “From school, gave me a ride home, it’s nothing.”

“Mhmm, okay sweetie, I’ll see you tomorrow.” And she left with a knowing look in her eye. Dammit, I was in for twenty questions the next time I saw her.

With Mom at work there thankfully won’t be any arguments tonight. Dad was out in the garage anyways, I’m pretty sure he lived in there more than the house when he wasn’t at work. He loved working on whatever he could get his hands on, mainly old cars he’d then sell on.

We had dinner together and he was back out there. I retreated to my room, with a glass of water and my book I was currently reading, The Hobbit, for about the fifth time. Yes I was in touch with my nerd side, I knew Mike, Dustin, Lucas and Will loved this stuff as well, it was one of the reasons I got on with them so well.

I did start to worry about them, and Nancy, Jonathan, Steve; but they have been flitting in and out of school so it can’t be that bad right. I hope they’re back soon, I’m really missing them, and in constant panic something terrible will happen. The only way I’ve been coping is throwing myself into school, and then Billy showed up into my life.

I could get lost in a book for hours, and tonight was one of those nights. Dad made me jump when he shouted ‘goodnight’ about midnight, I didn’t even hear him come upstairs. I put my book on my nightstand and changed into my grey sweat pants and a band t-shirt, AC/DC tonight, and settled into bed.

As I was drifting off to sleep I heard like a tapping noise, I dismissed it as a bird, but then it got louder and more frequent. Confused and disoriented I sat up in bed, trying to determine where it was coming from, and my drowsiness immediately vanished when I realised it was coming from my window.

I crept towards my curtains. Slowly pulling one to the side to peek out.

And what do I see, but Billy Hargrove standing on my lawn throwing rocks at my window; like some rugged, lost in time Romeo.

As soon as he saw me at the window I saw a grin spread across his face and he dropped the rest of the stones he was holding. I was frowning as I opening my window slightly. “Billy?! What the hell?” I was whisper yelling.

“Hey Princess.” Still smiling.

“What are you doing here, at this time?”

“I came to get you, you said we should have a drive again sometime, so you coming?”

I laughed to myself, as if this was happening right now, it was such a ridiculous situation. “Seriously? I didn’t mean in the middle of the night!”

“Why, got something better to do?” He replied.

“Yes, actually, it’s called sleep. You should try it sometime.”

“Can sleep when you’re dead right. Come on, it’s not like we have school tomorrow; and I just wanted some company.”

“And your first choice of company was me?” I asked shocked.

“No everyone else I tried was asleep.” He laughed as my eyes narrowed and I went to shut the window. “Yes you! Now get your cute ass down here!”

“Alright! Just keep your voice down. Jesus Christ.” I was technically already wearing clothes so I just grabbed my boots and my black hoodie, and since it was 1am I actually didn’t care what I looked like.

I crept down the hall, relieved to hear my dad snoring, down the stairs and out the front door to find Billy leaning against his car, still wearing what he’d worn all day: jeans, white t-shirt and denim jacket.

“About time.” Was all he said as I headed straight for the passenger door.

We set off and something he said earlier just hit me. “Wait, so you think I have a cute ass?” I asked, turning towards him, eyebrows raised.

He offered me one glance and a smirk, but didn’t say anything.

“I’m taking that as a yes.” I said smugly and he just shook his head.

“Where are we going anyways?” I asked.

“Somewhere secret.”

“Oh god, you’re not kidnapping me to murder me are you? Please don’t do that.” I look at him with my best innocent puppy dog eyes, making him laugh, again. I found myself enjoying making him laugh, he wasn’t really one for smiling, but I could bring it out, and that made me feel good.

“Don’t worry, it’s more so that no one sees you looking like that.” He nodded towards my outfit.

“Hey! It’s 1o'clock in the morning Mr. I’m just gonna go wake Y/N up when I know full well she’ll be in bed. You would look no better.” I said in huff. My tiredness was obviously showing.

“I’m joking Y/N, you look… cute.”

I rolled my eyes, and shifted my gaze to out the window. We were pulling up by the lake, and I was momentarily shocked into silence by how beautiful it was. The sky was clear, the moon was so bright, illuminating the lake and when Billy killed the headlights the stars appeared; like someone had just blown a handful of glitter across the black canvas.

Without thinking I got out the car and couldn’t tear my eyes off the sky until I heard Billy clear his throat. I was brought back and saw he was sitting on the hood of the car leaning against the windscreen, he patting the hood next to him and I, rather ungracefully, slide onto the hood next to him. Our arms were inches apart, I made sure of that, but this setting, the way we were with each other, made me feel the electricity filling that space.

My gaze shifted upwards again. “Billy, this is beautiful. I love the sky.”

“I know.”

My head snapped to him to see he was already looking at me. “What do you mean you know?” “Tina’s party, the night I first spoke to you, when I found you again you were sat away from everyone just staring out at the sky.”

I blushed, hoping he couldn’t see in the limited light surrounding us. I was speechless. The aggressive bad boy Billy Hargrove may have actually just been incredibly sweet to me. He noticed something about me and remembered it, enough to bring me here, to a place where the sky was a work of art.

I let myself relax a little, still watching Billy. He looked… Calm and vulnerable. I nudge him gently with my arm “Hey, so what’s up, why did you bring me out here?”

He sighed and took a while to answer but I gave him the time. “Things are a bit, heated. At home.” He glanced to gage my reaction and I didn’t give anything away. “I’m out most nights, here or driving around listening to my music, but tonight I didn’t want to be alone.”

“And you ended up outside my window?”

“I’m just as surprised as you Princess.”

“Hmm…” I tried to stop the corners of my mouth from lifting.

“What?” His eyes shifted to mine as a slight frown appeared.

“Well, I’m just trying to get my head around the fact that the keg King himself actually wants to spend time in my company! First the library study hours and now drives to the lake in the middle of the night.” I triumphantly stated, trying to lighten the mood and take his mind off whatever was happening at home.

“Yeah well don’t push it pretty girl, I might not come get you next time.” But he couldn’t hold back his smile.

And then we were laughing, and we couldn’t stop. When I could finally breath enough to speak I offered my right hand out to him “Friends?”

He hesitated for a second before taking my hand and meeting my gaze “Friends.”

[shamithad]

Énouement

I was on Instagram one day and I came across this post on 23 emotions people have but cannot explain and I didn’t get far because I saw this word. Énouement. I have no idea how to pronounce this word but it’s not the spelling of the word that caught my attention but the meaning. Énouement means “the bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turned out, but not being able to tell your past self.” This word really stuck with me because I think about how much I have done and how different a turn my life took from when I was a child. From my dreams to my morals, a lot has changed. When you’re young you always worry about the funniest things. “Does this person like me?” or “Will I pass that grade 10 math test” and even “What kind of person should I be this school year”. You think about all the things you did as a child, all the things you worried about and you wish there was a way to tell your younger self that “it all worked out”. 

It is so easy to worry about the next thing. To think about the problems coming our way that we sometimes don’t really enjoy the fact that we have overcome a lot already. There was a time when graduating high school was a feat and parents were unbelievably proud, and students were extremely relieved. These days it seems like graduating high school is the norm. That there is nothing exciting about it. But to go through twelve plus years of school with relatively the same people, balancing school work and a social life and extracurriculars and not to mention the stress of puberty and gossip and drama and crushes that will never like you back; that is a feat. That is something to be proud of. And like all things that are the “norm” these days, they should be appreciated. 

Unfortunately, I spent most of my life not seeing what I have done for myself. Because one accomplishment was nothing in a large arena of worries. After jumping over one hurdle, it felt like there were many more to go. But then you realize that the finish line is never coming. I continue feeling this way and I will be jumping over hurdles for the rest of my life. 

So when I saw this word, énouement I began to think. I thought of what I wish I could tell my younger self and the list was longer than expected. I’ve always operated in a way that would make my younger self proud because she was kind and passionate and ready to take on anything. Not saying I’m not like that today but your younger self is untainted by the world. They don’t see life with complications but more with opportunities. Your younger self sees what could be and not what could get in the way. Yes your younger self worried but maybe not as much or to the same degree that we worry when we are older. I have always wanted to make my younger self proud and I would like to think that my younger self would want to hear about the accomplishments that are too be achieved. More importantly, I think my younger self would want me to know what those accomplishments are without thinking about the next worry. 

While I have this feeling of énouement, there isn’t much I can do about it because the only solution is to go back in time and speak to myself, which is impossible. However, I can appreciate what I have done in hopes that I can continue appreciating both my big and little wins. 

With that, here are the things I want to tell my younger self. 

1. You will become very engaged in your community  If you thought elementary school was it, and that the Terry Fox Club and being the class Prime Minister was the height of your involvement, you were very wrong. Because somehow, regardless of the school work and the other pressing concerns that will occur, you will continue to be involved and you will find ways to help others. 

2. You will make lifelong friends People come and go and that is alright. Because there will be people who stay and people whose friendship you will fight for. There will be people who you can call at 1am when you need someone to talk to and there will be people who will travel miles to spend time with you. Best of all, you will only have to be yourself and they will love you for it. 

3. You will eventually get a part-time job Screw all the retail jobs you never got an interview for because something far better and life changing will come along. You will love where you work and you will meet some amazing people. You will meet one of your best friends while on the job and it will be your most memorable career. 

4. You will be loved  There will be people who truly appreciate you for you and who will find no faults in you. They will support you and comfort you and listen to the thirty minute synopsis of your day even though it may be excruciatingly boring. There will be people who will leave you flowers as a surprise, hold your hand in public and look at you as if you are one in a million. There will be people who want to spend their time with you

5. You will find your passion and pursue it Trying to figure out what you want in life isn’t easy when your options are infinite but you will be one of the lucky few who find what they are passionate about and you will do what you can do exercise this passion every day. It will become your hobby, your part-time job, your volunteer experience and maybe even your career. And you will not easily give up. 

We all achieve something great. It’s when you’re surrounded by great things that it all eventually begins to seem normal. Graduating high school, getting up to go to work every day, cooking a fancy meal; these are all achievements. And while that feeling of énouement is one that can’t be satisfied, it can help you realize that there are things you have accomplished. Things your younger self could have never dreamed of. And there will be things your future self can’t wait to tell you.