#notestomyself

[puspitads]

Light Upon Light: Facing Reality

Alhamdulillah, last month I managed to attend this live in Leeds and meet amazing speakers that I usually only see in Youtube i.e. Mufti Menk and Imam Oemar Sulaiman. Got a lot reminders and enlightenment from this almost five hours event which hopefully I can apply while “Facing Reality”, just like the title suggest. Here is the link to the officially recorded video of that day and here are…

[geoffpesos]

Does it feel better knowing the chains youre bound by are gold plated and encrusted with jewels?

Or knowing that you're hotter when you're helpless? And even better when you aren't quite there at all?

Does it feel good to be envied, judged, desired, addictive and isolated, while being made of smoke & mirrors?

Does it feel good when you detail clean every cavity of your body hoping for relief when you're studied through a one way mirror?

Does it feel good to be a vessel, to be medicine, to be a jester and a catalyst?

Do you enjoy being a thespian in the theatre of someone else's human experience?

[evitakaa]

Bagiku, ini adalah benar" sebuah perjalanan menemukan & mengenal diri sendiri, bukan orang lain. Kalau ga percaya, coba ajaaa..☕

Juga tentang bagaimana sebuah 'keluh' harus dikendalikan, sebuah kepercayaan harus dipertebal, seni mengambil keputusan harus diasah, ego yg tak selamanya harus dituruti. Serta, tantangan untuk 'action sekarang'.. bukan cuma nanti/ingin/akan.

Ahiyaa.. ternyata begini cara Tuhan untuk membuat hamba-Nya bertumbuh, beraneka ragam. Tetaplah & senantiasa berbaik sangka ya..

[bemefi]

My cats are fucking shit up downstairs and I don't even wanna know

#notestomyself

[anislandintime]

Two years ago on this day, I got into the clutches of a narcissist. Trauma bonding made me celebrate 'a year to meeting the chosen one' last year on this day. To recognize trauma as trauma was traumatic. It took months of therapy for recovery to begin. Just begin. I'm still in the process of recovering...

[melphsey]

[joycefulmomma]

Everything happens for a reason (or a season) cliché as it seems to be but it is true , there’s always a lesson for all the heartaches, disappointments etc. ,give yourself some time to accept that in that way you can move on. 

Stay focus on your goal... if your 1st option didn’t work out, I’m sure there will be another option for you.

[alismakterordur]

herkes kendi yolunu çiziyo bi şekilde sen kendini kurtarmaya bak

[catieleta]

To the girl I was then: I forgive you... To the girl I am now: You got this... To the girl I will be: Look. Just fucking look 👀 how far we have come... #notestomyself #livelikecatie #nextlevel #weworking #thebestisyettocome 📸 #tb when I was catching one way flights on prep ✈️✨ (at Düsseldorf Airport) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Ssx-8FNI8/?igshid=1hzd1sbfd13aj

[iamaspacebound]

"Uzun süredir insanların ve araçların geçmesiyle oluşan, hâlâ biraz çimlerin olduğu yolda yürüdü. Hayâl ettiği karşısındaydı."

[puspitads]

Memaknai Kurban dan Pengorbanan

Memaknai Kurban dan Pengorbanan

Assalamu’alaikum Wr. Wb. Apa kabar semuanya? Tanpa terasa, kita sudah sampai di tanggal 6 Dzulhijjah. Setengah dari hari-hari terbaik telah berlalu. 4 hari lagi, kita akan sampai di tanggal 10 Dzulhijjah dimana Insyaa Allah kita akan merayakan Idul Adha, waktu yang sangat identik dengan kurban bagi umat muslim. Bahkan beberapa dari kita sering menyebut hari raya Idul Adha sebagai Hari Raya kurban.…

[hilangdi-larakelabu]

NOTES TO MY SELF #1

Kali ini dapat pelajaran dari Irnanda aka sister till Jannahku. Thankyou luv!

“Ir, aku pengen deh nulis habis baca buku gitu.” “Kamu cuma pengen aja, atau udah ngerangkai kata2?” “Pengen aja.” ini adalah akar permasalahan sodara-sodara “Kalau aku, biasanya langsung tak tulis di notes baru di salin di laptop. Kalau nunggu entar malah nggak kebuat tulisannya. Udah nggak bisa.”

Ingin itu bagus, tapi kurang. Coba realisasikan. 

[evitakaa]

Sejauh ini, ada beberapa prinsip yang tak bisa dinego atau diturunkan standarnya. Mungkin itulah salah satu alasan kenapa banyak yang berkilau namun kamu enggan mengambilnya.

[bemefi]

Stepping behind a bar for the first time in nearly 3 months, though it feels like 3 years. I'm so excited :)

#notestomyself

[anislandintime]

In today's therapy, I realized how I'm unwilling to let go of the anger because my anger is the only thing validating my hurts. There is no other witness, there is no other validation.

When my therapist said underneath the anger there is injury, I said how anger is like the drum-beating done to draw the audience before a street performance, while it is the injury towards which I wish to draw the attention of the audience, & have a witness for.

My therapist very calmly asked if the drum beating was drawing the audience or chasing the audience. I said "Latter". That moment I realized how despite all my battle against the pressure of patriarchy on men, I still have been taking to anger to deal with my hurt & wounds.

At the same time, it is also true that even the sensitive world out there which is sensitive enough to call out men's anger still does not know how to meet eyes with the vulnerability and emotionality of men! Space is very less.

Have you ever spoken of your struggles to your friends? Have they not been a witness to it?- asked the therapist. I realized I had shared my stories not as my experiences alone to unburden my heart but largely only as an example to speak of flaws in the order of things.

It made me realize how recognizing personal wounds is as essential as seeing them in the context of systemic violence & injustice. The self not just wants to identify with others but also wishes to be identified as itself too.

[anything-but-straight]

I want to laugh it off

Like it’s just another day that I’ve forgotten the second step of my habits

I want to tell my mother I didn’t mistake spearmint gum as breakfast and spend the rest of the night binging

I want to force myself to heave it up

I want to bring myself to the face of an addiction I refuse to admit I ever had

But instead I forget the second step

As if that makes it any less real

Instead I change the steps

I do them backwards lately

And on the days I do nothing at all but a routine my mother gave me

I laugh to myself about how I ever though I had an eating disorder

Too many years past how could it ever come back

Latley I keep looking at my wrists

How they were coexisting lovers and I find myself reminiscing on memories my body had when I was 14

But 19 now and I won’t call myself a recovering addict but latley I need a fucking meeting because addiction is laying in my bed waiting to fuck me over