#nothing about dealing with seizures. nothing about what to do if theyre having seizures. nothing about head trauma

[swagging-back-to]

i feel like theres no community to talk about animal illnesses and medical problems. theres no place to go talk about it with people who actually understand.

[ifeltfree]

Hey, I'm an epileptic and I'm hoping hard that you're doing ok.

I know you probably know what's up with your brains (as much as we can know, lol), but please give yourself a break from shit if you can.

I used to snap back within a few hours after my tonic clonics, but realized after a while that I was prolonging my recovery period. If you got the time, I hope you sleep lots.

hi thank you for this, sometimes its hard to remember that there are other people out there who deal with it too. its so isolating

im still fairly new to having epilepsy, i was diagnosed at 18 after my first tonic clonic and my neurologist puts me on huge waitlists for everything so i havent learned a lot about whats going on outside of my own experiences. i feel blessed that i dont normally have seizures that cause me to go unconscious but theyre still equally debilitating because i lose parts of my vision, my hands and mouth go numb, and i get horrible migraines. sleeping and sometimes just laying down is really the only thing that makes that subside. do you mind if i ask you about how you cope with it? i wont publish it if you dont want me to and you want to stay on anon. i know nothing is universal but if you have anything that helps you get back to normal after you seize i would love to hear it. i do have medication for my seizures but i have had poor reactions to all the meds ive tried and so far im on the most bearable one, which gives me kidney and bladder infections, so obviously im not very pleased about taking it. ive been searching for anything else that might make my life a little bit easier

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.09 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- Choni ❤️❤️❤️ But “stealing from.the rich to give to, well, us” what? Cheryl… YOU’RE RICH. Give some of the money to the Serpents They need it a bit more than you do baby. BUT BITCH THEIR FIRST I LOVE YOU I’M—

- Five weeks of the quarantine… that would have made an INCREDIBLE story line? Seriously? It would have been amazing to see Sweet Pea being temporary king while Jarghead and FP were gone. But no… let’s just skip the good part? What the fuck kinda writing skips.a great plot?

- “All physical contact must be kept to a minimum?” um… literally WHY? There’s literally NO reason for that to be a rule? Also fuck off Moose no ones likes a tattle tale and we all know that you’re slumming it up with Kevin after school so leave my babies alone. Oh. it’s for the seizures? Really? Dude SEIZURES ARE NOT FUCKING CONTAGIOUS YOU STUPID FUCKERS OH MY GOD. Stop trying to keep then gays from being cute!!!!!!!

- The RROTC made the rules? Dude they don’t run the school lmao that’s NOT HOW THINGS WORK

- JOSIE SINGING!!! MY BABY VERONICA!!! UGH FUCK ME UPPPP

- VEGGIE. VERONICA IS LOOKING AT JOSIE’S INCREDIBLE SINGING WHILE REGGIE IS AWING AT VERONICA I’M—

-  Ew and then my mood is ruined by bughead waking up 😷😷😷

- Betty put all of those girl’s… in HER house? THE COOPERS CAN BARELY TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES LET ALONE THOSE GIRLS. Also don’t they fucking have families? And yes, Betty, that scream definitely would wake up your mom because they have those motherly instincts and they’d think their child was hurt, so ofc she’s going to wake up.

- They want to play… G&G… are you kidding me? I kinda get that it makes them feel better because that’s how they had it in SOQM but still WHY? JUST PLAY CLASSICAL MUSIC OR SOMETHING AND TAKE A BATH.

- Of course Jughead goes from his horrible leadership to “I left you too long” stfu right now your priority is the Serpents and who’s dealing the drugs (although I know who and uhhhh leave them alone he has to stay alive somehow)

 - They don’t even have an elected Sheriff yet? WHY? SHERIFF KELLER DIDN’T DIE DID HE? THEN FUCKING REINSTATE HIM??? IT’S NOT THAT FUCKING HARD YOU STUPID FUCKS

 - “Maybe that means that Archie could come back home” wE KNOW YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM BETTY. Barchie!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

- Reggie ❤️❤️❤️ WOAH WHAT NO LEAVE HIM ALONE? HE ALREADY GETS ABUSED BY HIS FATHER! But aw Ronnie gets to take care of him I’m—

- Hiram really is trying to hustle his daughter wow so uhhh he does know that his daughter is the incredible Veronica Lodge, right? She’ll find a way lol we all know the queen can do everything

- “Has anyone ever told you you’re a badass?” Wow Reggie is so fucking into her I’m just 😭😭

- If Vegas gets hurt RAS will LITERALLY DIE.  I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AND I’M NOT READY FOR THIS. Also there’s no way Vegas wouldn’t have seen or heard the bear behind him but sure whatever. ARCHIE JUST BC SHE’S ZONING OUT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN’T HEAR HER. JUST DO WHAT SHE SAYS JESUS. Also how convenient that it suddenly doesn’t work.

- “They imprinted on me” Betty NEVER say that again that was gross as fuck. “But as their queen, they are your responsibility, not mine” bitch Betty can’t be a queen no matter how hard she tries, and she (nor Jughead) know how to take care of anyone but themselves so… Alice unless you want Betty to end up killing them, this is where you, as the mom, undermine her and take them to the farm. Of course I don’t trust the farm but it’s much safer than the Cooper house hold because they have the resources to spare, the Cooper’s don’t.

- Hey here’s an idea… since you can’t get to Hiram using the nuns because they took a vow of silence (cowards) then maybe… just maybe… OUT IT AS A CONVERSION THERAPY HELL SITE AND USE THAT INSTEAD? But we know Betty doesn’t want to save the gays so 😷😷

- I love Josie’s singing but why is she singing in an empty lounge? REST HER VOCALS.

- I used to love Hiram’s evil-ness but now he just shows up all the time and it’s getting annoying. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD END THIS FUCKING PLOT SO VERONICA CAN FOR ONCE GET HER OWN STORY THAT BETTY DOESN’T TAKE, THAT DOESN’T REVOLVE AROUND HER FATHER OR A GUY. SERIOUSLY. They have so much potential with literally any other character but still decide to force Bughead and their separate characters down our throats. Like at this point honestly just kill them both off Jesus Christ

- Jughead… this is a gang… they’ve always sold drugs? At least, weed, but still? You have to take into consideration that you were gone, and they were placed under quarantine, and they needed money. You can’t blame any of them for dealing with Hiram you whiny piss baby. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

- God it bothers me that Jarghead is such a lowsy king. When do we get Sweet Pea overthrowing him? pLEASE WE NEED IT SO TONI CAN LEAD BESIDE HIM. Maybe Swangs (even though I know what happens) and Choni can co-lead the Serpents

- Cheryl speaking facts! AND MY BOY FANGS. Jughead had NOTHING to say to Fangs and FP had to step up and cover for Jughead, because he was right. What else are they supposed to do? Gangs are supposed to do bad shit? Jughead has done ultimate horrible shit and suddenly he’s going to act like a gang is supposed to be clean? Jughead do your research that is not what gangs do. Also, if FP is going to be at every fucking Serpent meeting maybe he should, you know, take his spot back. He’s a MUCH better leader than Jughead, even though I’d prefer it be one of the founding members like TONI FUCKING TOPAZ or something.

- I love how no one really does the “in unity there is strength” thing. Like, they know they’re being lead to slaughter basically and FP is just letting it happen. Also, they’re running the gang into the ground. There is no more unity because JUGHEAD’S STUPID POWER-HUNGRY ASS ISN’T DOING SHIT TO HELP THE GANG. Also also Betty looks so out of place and awkward there. Can’t wait for Archie to come back and for her to realize that he almost died and then realize she can’t live without him and that she loves him and finally bughead can split for good and barchie can rise

- If Veronica paid why the FLYING FUCK did they go after Josie? FucK OFF HIRAM

- Polly you had to say his name. LEAVE MY BOY ALONE.

- FANGS CRYING STOP STOP STOP MY BABY BOY NO NO NO

- “We could’ve helped you” JUGHEAD YOU LITERALLY JUST BANNED CRIME. THE SERPENTS HAVE NO MONEY WHAT ELSE WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DO? Also they can’t get mad at him bc this was before Jughead got back and did the stupid crime law like a hypocrite

- DUDE FANGS DID THIS BEFORE THE FUCKING RULE YOU STUPID FUCKERS? LIKE??? DO YOU HAVE NO BRAIN CELLS?

- Oh Jughead has one brain cell left? I know he ends up being cancelled but he’s not… yet.

- CHONI BREAKING IN AND STEALING SHIT YES BITCH

- Why is Archie hallucinating playing G&G? Like doesn’t this mean he’s playing by himself? The fuck?

- Dead ass Cassidy telling Archie it sounds like his fault that all that happened, you can tell that this is Archie’s mind because he always blames himself for things that have nothing to do with him. Because we know that it’s definitely NOT his fault. None of it is.

- Cheryl just HAD to kiss the picture

- JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. JERONICA. MY FANFIC IS COMING TO LIFE. JUGHEAD AND THE SERPENTS PROTECTING VERONICA YASSSSSSSSS

- I’m mad that they didn’t have Joaquin not actually die. Like, Sweet Pea and Fangs were close to him? They could have faked his death like what the fuck

- YES WE LOVE AND STAN LAWYER MCCOY

- How did Jughead know that Toni was involved? Cheryl was the only one who left a stupid calling card.

- THE TEARS WELLING IN TONI’S EYES STOP STOP STOP

- But he can’t fucking kick her out she’s literally a legacy. This crusty white boy needs to sit the fuck down

- Okay one, Cheryl why would you bring Fangs back into it? THE FUCK. Also, Jughead you can’t be disappointed in Fangs for telling SP even though you said not to tell anyone—best friend’s never count. 

- SWEET PEA STANDING UP. FANGS CRYING. “Some leader you are” YES FANGS WHAT A KING. SWEET PEA BBY OH MY GOD

- “And the rest of us don’t get to go back to Thistlehouse” says the disgusting whiny piss baby who gets to sleep in his girlfriend’s house, in her comfortable bed while his gang lays in cots or some shit in tents. Get off your mighty high horse, Jughead. God, now they’re switching roles… Betty is kinda becoming SLIGHTLY tolerable and now Jughead is being so fucking annoying. Go back to how it was please.

- JERONICA. AND VEGGIE. EXCELLENCE.

- So Archie standing over Hiram and shit was all a fucking dream? Really? COME ON. Lol Hiram has a point though because everyone goes in and tells him their fucking plans. OMG THE CALLBACK TO THE FIRST EPISODE WAS GREAT. CALL BACK TO BARCHIE BEING ENDGAME YESSSS.

- So if Veronica ended up smashing the egg… then fucking give Fangs, Toni, and Cheryl their spots in the Serpents back since it was all for nothing anyways.

- I’m glad Cheryl and Nana Rose are housing some fo the girls but WHAT ABOUT THE SERPENTS YOU GUYS HAVE A BIG FUCKING HOUSE. Why didn’t she house some of them there? I mean it’s ooc for Toni not to be thinking of her fellow Serpents why wouldn’t she be like “hey babe you have a lot of room here what if we help house some of the Serpents” but uhhh apparently not.

- Hey FP shut the fuck up with this “she’s still a Lodge” shit because you all know she doesn’t associate herself with her parents anymore. Remember “you don’t have a daughter” or…?

- Jughead brought up when FP worked for Hiram. Hell yeah! But him saying he wants Jughead to be a better king than him? BITCH YOUR SON DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO RUN A GANG. HE SUCKS. HE’S STUPID AND RUINING THE GANG HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT? God never give your throne to blood family.

- Yeah, FP, you’re not made for the sidelines you’re made to RULE you stupid fuck. Maybe you should get back with Alice she makes you more stable and less stupid

- REGGIE’S LIKE “NOT THIS TIME BITCH”

- SWEET PEA WITH A BAT FUCK YEAH

- So… you threaten the gargoyle bitch but you don’t unmask him to see who he is? Are you fucking stupid?

- Wtf… he has to beat himself with a bat on his own bed? I am confusion… WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? THE BLACK HOOD AND HIRAM AND THE GARGOYLE KING HAVE DONE SHIT NOT YOU YOU BIG BAFOON. NO DON’T DESTROY YOU’RE GOOD HEARTED INNOCENCE. YOU’RE THE ONLY BRAVE ONE OF THE CORE FOUR. ARCHIE NO.

- If they make Archie unlikable the only good core four person will be Veronica.

- VERONICA SINGING ❤️❤️❤️ Oh fuck I know this song but I can’t remember where I’ve heard it!!!

- VEGGIE. SHE’S SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE HIM I’M— HE’S SO ENAMORED WITH HER. VEGGIE KISS. Why can they make their chemistry shown on screen but Bughead can’t? Like both couples are even dating irl, too…

- JUGHEAD YOU PIECE OF SHIT. He only uses Sweet Pea or Fangs when he has something he doesn’t want to do usually because it’s too dangerous for him (whiny piss baby). DON’T MAKE MY BABY BOY GO UNDERCOVER HE’LL FUCKING GET HURT.

- I’ve literally never hated Jughead more nothing he can do can make up for what he’s done in this episode bye

- What the actual fuck. This is so fucking stupid.

- Archie isn’t dead. If Archie dies before bitch ass Betty or Jiggaloo Jones I will literally come after RAS. 

[whattimeisitintokyo]

Somos Familia: Chapter 34 (Part 2)

Well this chapter ended up being way too long. I had planned more for this chapter, but that ended up being long enough to be its own chapter and I’m tired of feeling that I have to finish the whole thing in order to post it. So here’s the last bit of the chapter. You can find the whole chapter on ff.net, and I’ll try to have it up on AO3 with a illustration soon. Sorry again for the long wait.

Also tomorrow is my birthday. I guess you could say that finishing this chapter on my own terms was my gift to myself. :)

---------------------------

Chapter 34: No Me Dejas (Part 2)

“Three days have passed since Dia de Muertos, and the country still mourns the abrupt and tragic loss of Ernesto de la Cruz, widely considered as one of the greatest musicians in the modern history of Mexico. Señor de la Cruz had just finished performing a concert that evening when sources say that a giant prop bell had accidentally broken off from the stage rigging above the singer, crushing and killing the singer instantly.

Since then thousands of grieving mourners have flocked to the gates of de la Cruz’s magnificent mansion in Colonia del Valle, holding candle light vigils and singing prayers while also leaving tokens and flowers outside. The mansion has also served as the home to his goddaughter and rising starlet, Coco Rivera. Whilst being known as a favorite topic of gossip this pass year in newspapers and magazines, Señora Rivera has surprisingly been keeping a low profile and out of the public eye since that fateful night. It can only be assumed that she is taking this time to mourn as well for the loss of such an important family member.

In related news her father Héctor Rivera, de la Cruz’s longtime business partner and songwriter, has been in hospital since that night after being taken from the scene by paramedics. There is no word on his condition, but his lawyer has assured that Señor Rivera was not injured in the stage accident but is instead seeking treatment for an undisclosed illness. We here at Excélsior wish him a speedy recovery and our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.

Petitions are already being made to have Senor de la Cruz’s body to be lain to rest in his hometown of Santa Cecilia in Oaxaca, despite heavy requests to have him entombed in la Panteón Civil de Dolores alongside other famous people in Rotonda de las Personas Ilustres.

At the time of his death Señor de la Cruz was in the middle of several movie projects that will sadly forever remain unfinished, including a biopic about the Mexican Revolution, and was in talks of a deal to lend his voice for an American animated movie with Dis-“

A low, quivering moan broke Imelda’s concentration on the newspaper and turned it towards her husband currently occupying the hospital bed in front on her. With a sigh she folded it and placed it to her side, reaching out and grasping one of his twitching hands with hers. She winced at the tremors she still felt rattling slightly through his fingers, as well as the awkward way she was forced to hold his hand.

What with his wrist being tightly braced and strapped to the guard rail of the bed.

His other hand was also strapped on the opposite side, and a large padded belt wrapped around his thin chest to keep him firmly in place on the bed. An oxygen mask was placed over his face and several IVs were pumping him full of fluids and medicine. And despite being in a deep state of sleep, his teeth were clenched tight and his brows knitted into an expression of intense distress. A keening whine escaped his throat that gave into a deep, hacking fit of coughs.

Imelda immediately pulled off the mask and brought a clean handkerchief to his mouth as Héctor coughed painfully, only the straps keeping his body from convulsing on the bed. Finally, with one good expulsion he was able to clear his airway for the time being, gasping as Imelda wiped the corners of his mouth and placing the mask back. As he settled back down, he gently started to tremble again, whining pitifully and tears leaking from his dark sunken eyes.

Imelda sighed as she brought a clean corner of the handkerchief to wipe the tears from his face before placing it down to run her fingers through his greasy, unwashed hair to offer some form of comfort. It only seemed to distress him further and with a broken dry sob he wrenched his head away from her touch, lost in his nightmares.

It was truly heartbreaking to see Héctor reduced to such a state, but she was grateful to see him getting at least some form of rest. Especially after the last few days.

“What is this?!” she had screamed at the doctor, watching on in horror as several orderlies fought to restrain her husband’s mad flailing. “This is not pneumonia! What is happening to him?!”

Before the doctor could answer Héctor let out a wail and swung a punch at an unfortunate orderly standing too close by and knocking him off his feet. His arm now free he managed to rip off the IV out and began to frantically scratch at his chest, all the while yelling out profanities and indecipherable words as his eyes tracked at unseen figures and visions. As Imelda was hurried out of the door the last thing she heard was Héctor calling out for Ernesto.

And then for her.

“It’s the DT’s.” the doctor had explained after he was able to calm her down some with Coco and Julio by her side. “Delirium tremens. It’s alcohol withdrawal. If he’s been drinking for as long as you’ve said, Señor Magallanes, then it’s quite dangerous for him to just completely stop. It causes vivid hallucinations, irregular heart rates, sometimes seizures and, if severe enough, death.”

Ignoring the agonized weeping from her daughter and her own chest clenching in grief, Imelda whispered. “What can be done?”

The doctor wrung his hands and looked down in dismay. “Honestly, not much. There are medicines that can be given to treat this, but they would adversely affect his respiratory system. Given his pneumonia I can’t recommend giving it to him. Also, there’s the fact that he’s malnourished, and the shock… All I can do is give him some mild sedatives and monitor his heart and lungs. The rest is up to him, I’m afraid.”

They had returned to his room a few hours later to find him as he was now: strapped down and barely able to move, Dios knows that he was trying though. Despite the small amount of medicine that was given to calm him down, Héctor still saw visions that were terrifying to him and he strained to lash out at them. His screams had died down to pitiful whimpers and moans, and tears streamed down into his hair and ears. Over the next few days he was either in this state or a death-like sleep, and Imelda didn’t know which one was worse.

She felt absolutely foolish about it now, but seeing her husband going insane right in front of her had caused her to lash out at her daughter. Why didn’t she tell her that it was this bad? That he was starving and drinking himself to death, that his cold was actually much worse than it was, and that he was so miserable and broken-hearted that he screamed for her in his nightmares?

Instead of a cowed child being rightfully chastised by her mother for keeping secrets from her, Coco had met her glare dead on and even more. Imelda flinched back in shock at the righteous fury that showed on her daughter’s face, and what she had said next had finally knocked her off the high pedestal that she had set herself up on:

“What do you care, Mamá?”

And Imelda had to admit, she was right. Nothing she had done the past few months had shown that she cared about the man that she had kicked out of her life. She ignored every call, sent back every letter and telegram, even dodged each mention of him when Coco would talk to her on the phone. When she had bid a warm goodbye to Julio and Victoria she told them to give her love and warm wishes to Coco when they arrived. But not to Héctor. She just didn’t care.

But that was wrong. She did care. She cared about him and loved him so much that it hurt. And seeing her husband now, so lost in his sickness and misery, Imelda couldn’t bear the guilt that was crushing her from the inside.

“idiota… This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Imelda whispered as she locked Héctor’s cold fingers around hers once more. “You weren’t supposed to do this. Héctor…”

But he continued to sleep fitfully, his breathing hitching and occasionally giving in to more cough fits, and she continued to stay by his side. It was all she could do, now that it was too late.

-----------------------------------------

It was quiet now.

The walls had stopped melting into putrid puddles of gore and maggots, the bugs had stopped buzzing in his head and stinging his flesh, and the monsters had stopped attacking him.

The monsters were the most terrifying though. They held onto his arms and legs so tightly that he thought he would end up breaking his bones in his efforts to get away from them. They had looked human too, but humans didn’t have glowing white eyes and rotting flesh. They’re voices were low and distorted, filling him with dread despite what the words they said that were supposed to sound soothing.

Señor Rivera, calm down. You’re safe!

We have to give him something!

We can’t risk his lungs giving out! Just strap him down!

Dios, turn him over! There’s too much fluid, suck his lungs out!

It took forever for them to finally let him be, after many terrifying episodes of not being able to breathe and more fits of screaming in terror of the horrible visions in front of him, but he was finally able to break free and make a run for it. Well, run wasn’t the best word for how he was able to finally move. Floating wasn’t either. The world seemed to dissolve into a myriad of distracting colors and sounds, and he simply let his mind flow with it in a dream-like state.

And then suddenly he found himself finally there.

Back in front of the bell.

With a cry of triumph, he made his way over to it and braced himself against it in a sort of clumsy hug. “Don’t worry Ernesto! I’ll get you out! You’ll be alright!”

And so he had pushed. And pulled. Digging his feet into the earth and straining as hard as he could against the cold hard bell. He shouted encouraging words towards his friend, not letting the lack of a response deter him in any way. It seemed like he did it for hours, for days even, his throat hoarse as he cried out for help from someone, anyone! He’d even accept the monsters help if he could find them. In a last ditch effort he had even called out for his wife, pleading with her to help him even if she wanted nothing to do with him afterwards.

But she didn’t come. He could swear he heard her voice whispering to him, but he couldn’t make it out no matter how hard he tried to listen. With a broken heart he could only conclude that she was telling him to leave her alone. She had no use for such a lousy husband and a terrible father to her children. He couldn’t say he blamed her. He couldn’t even help his brother escape from his prison.

He was worthless.

And so, for the longest time, there was nobody except him and that bell. When he couldn’t push against it anymore, when his voice finally gave out and his spirit broke, he sat in front of it and softly cried. He murmured apologies to Ernesto, to Imelda, to his children, to anyone he had wronged in his existence. There was no use. There was nothing left for him. Except that bell.

“What are you doing?”

With a gasp Héctor looked up at the new presence before him. At first he feared it was one of those terrible monsters come back to take him away again, but it’s voice was not bone-chilling and grating. Rather it was sweet and clear, the clearest Héctor had heard in a while, but the figure itself was… light. A vaguely human shape ball of light that burned so bright yet oddly didn’t hurt to look at. If he squinted a little Héctor could guess that its head was slightly tilted in a sort of curious quirk. It was sort of cute, if a ball of light could be considered cute, and Héctor found himself slowly start to relax.

“I-…” he sniffled pitifully and turned watery eyes towards the bell. “I can’t move it… Ernesto’s under there and… I have to save him.”

“Really?” the light said and floated over the bell. Héctor saw a hand reach out and knock against the bell, and it rang out loudly enough for Héctor cringe back with a wince. He didn’t like that sound. Not at all. “I don’t know. Sounds empty to me.”

Héctor gaped at the bell, his heart sinking, and frantically shook his head. “N-no!... He’s under there! I saw it drop on him!”

The ball of light chuckled in tinkling sort of way, and Héctor glared at it. “Well, si, you did. I saw it too. But that was a while ago. He’s not under that bell anymore either. This bell,” it said and knocked on the bell again, the loud clanging causing Héctor to grip his head in pain. “… is hollow. Empty. And is just here to waste your time.”

Tearing his hands from his head, Héctor stared wide eyed at the ball of light. “Waste my time?... What do you mean?”

“I mean you need to wake up and face reality, tonto!”

Suddenly the ball of light zipped towards him and enveloped him in a soothing warm glow, almost as if it was hugging him, and Héctor found himself being lifted towards his feet. Once he was firmly standing up the light took him by the hand and started to lead him away from the bell. He resisted a little with a slight whine, his gaze fixed back on the bell, until a sharp tug jerked him away and pulled him forward. With a huff he glared at the light leading him away, gritting his teeth when he thought he could make out a sly smirk flitting across the vague features.

He continued to look back though, watching as the bell slowly faded from view into a white void. Then he noticed that the walls started melting again. His breath hitched a little in fear, terrified that the horrible visions from before were coming back to haunt him. The light gripped his hand tighter, but in a soothing manner, and Héctor managed to find comfort in the light for the first time since he met it. It was then he noticed that the walls weren’t exactly melting, but rather… falling into place.

Windows stacked next to each other, light fixtures dotted the ceiling in a straight line, and floor tiles tumbled into place just as his feet managed to touch them. It was then he noticed the pattern of the tiles, the color of them, and the shape of the windows and other fixtures. He had been here before. It had been a long time ago, but he had been here long enough to recognize the way the hallway was set up, and what doors led to what. It was engrained into his memory.

“I don’t like this place.” Héctor whispered.

“No, I don’t either,” the light said softly. “But it’s where you need to be right now.”

They continued on at a comfortable pace down the hallway, and slowly people started to materialize in Héctor’s vision. Men and women in sterile white clothing walking past them without even noticing them. Two of them were wheeling a bed down at such a speed that Héctor barely had time to react before they barreled right through them and raced down the opposite direction. The light giggled at that, and Héctor couldn’t help but give a shaky smile himself.

But suddenly a thought came to mind that chilled him to the bone, and he looked down at the light apprehensively. “Am… Am I a ghost?”

“Hmmm… No, I wouldn’t say that. But I wouldn’t worry about that. It’ll all be over soon.”

That was when the light finally led him into one of the rooms and let go of his hand. Looking up Héctor stopped dead in his tracks at what he saw: It was him. Lying in a bed, his hands strapped tightly onto the railings and his chest rising slowly with breath. And sitting beside him… was…

“No.”

The light paused on its way to bed to turn back and look at him. “No?”

“No I-I… I can’t.” Héctor whispered, his eyes never leaving his beautiful wife’s face. “Why is she there? She… She doesn’t love me. I can’t take it anymore… It h-hurts too much.”

“I’m pretty sure she loves you. Why else would she be sitting with you? Look at her. She looks so sad.”

Héctor shook his head miserably. “She’s just waiting for me to wake up… to tell me it’s finally over. That she’s moved on… I can’t face her… I’m too tired.” He dropped to his knees and stared at the floor, all the peace he was starting to feel again being crushed by despair. “Maybe it’s for the best… That I don’t wake up at all… Ernesto’s gone. Imelda hates me… I have nothing left.”

His head hung low and tears clouding his vision, he almost didn’t see the light step towards him until he felt its warm glow cup his face gently. With a sniffle he raised his eyes its face, or what he could guess was its face, and let it wipe the tears from his cheeks. Then he watched as it raised its hand slightly above his line of sight, and then…

*THUMP*

“OW!”

Héctor reared back onto his rump and flashed a hand up to his stinging forehead, rubbing it and staring at the figure before him in shock. “Did… Did you just flick my forehead?!”

“Si.”

“Why?!

“For being an idiot.”

With a snarl he managed to get back onto his knees. “I don’t need to take that from- GGGNAK!” His head was yanked forward as the light grabbed his nose, twisted, and pulled down hard. Then with its other hand it pulled his ear as hard as it could and started to shake his head back and forth. “GAH! What are you doing?!” he screamed nasally. “Stop!”

“What do you mean don’t wake up at all?!” The lighted shouted at him, continuing its assault as Héctor’s eyes watered with pain instead of sorrow. “Where is that coming from?! ‘Riveras never give up.’ Isn’t that what you’ve always said?”

Trying to pry the figure’s hands from his face, he glared up at it. “I’m not a real Rivera… I just married one- ARGH!”

“You’ve been a Rivera a whole lot longer than you haven’t been, old man!” the light yelled back. “And you haven’t lost everything! What about your children? Coco, and your granddaughter! What about Miguel. Are you really going to leave a little boy to grow up without his father? And who’s going to greet Matty when he comes back from the war?!”

“As for your wife, she right there waiting for you to wake up! She can’t run and hide in Santa Cecilia anymore! If you have something to say to her, then you make her listen to you! Think about it, you’re sick in a hospital bed. At the very least you have pity on your side, right? But don’t give up on her so easily, cabrón!”

“All right, all right! Ow! Just let go of me already!”

With one last shove the light let go of Héctor’s head and he cradled his face in his hands, getting his breathing back under control and trying to rub away the burns and stings. He flinched as the warm hand landed back on his shoulder, but when no further violence came his way he dared to look back up.

“I know this has been hard on you.” The light said gently. “And I know that you’re scared. But even if things don’t work out for you and your wife, you shouldn’t feel the need to give up. You still have a lot to live for.”

Héctor stared at it for a few long moments, before turning back towards the bed. Towards Imelda. It was right, she did look sad. And tired. If he woke up now, maybe he could talk to her. Maybe she’d talk to him. Despite his brain trying to convince him over and over that he was done, it was his time, and there was no need to linger on, his heart wouldn’t let him. It was leading him back to her. To his family.

Just like it always had.

Damn poet.

With a heavy sigh me slowly stood up and made it to his feet, his gaze now fixed on his unconscious form on the bed. With a new determination he made his way over and paused at the edge. Do I just… lay on myself? With a short snort of laughter he did just that, and was surprised to see his leg phase through himself as he climbed onto the bed. Rolling over he laid down onto his back, stared up at the ceiling, and waited.

…..

And waited…

…..

“Uh, nothing’s happening?”

The light shrugged. “You have been sleeping for a long time, and you’re sick. It might take a while for you to actually wake up.”

Before Héctor could reply to that, he started to feel changes slowly flowing into his body. Ah, this must be it. He started to feel heavier, more solid. That itself was a comforting feeling. He settled back down onto the bed and let the sensations build up through his limbs. He stayed still like that for a few minutes, with his eyes closed, before a tinkling little laugh next to him caused him to open them.

“This is taking forever!” The light giggled. It was such a sweet sound. So pure. Where had he heard it before? “Though not surprising. Even when you were healthy it took forever to wake you up, even when I jumped on your chest in the morning and tried to pry your eyes open.”

Héctor brows furrowed in confusion. He tried to lift his head off the pillow to look at the light properly… but found that he couldn’t. Slowly the solid feeling of his body turned into a heavy burden. He was so heavy! Too heavy! I can’t move!

“W-what?... What’s hap-”

The heaviness started to form inside his chest. His breathing turned into frantic gasps as he struggled to get air into his lungs. And now his body started to hurt! His arms and legs cramped and his head started to pound. Behind his gasping he heard his heart beating loudly in his ears. This is bad! This is bad! What’s happening to me?!

Then suddenly the light was leaning over his face, and Héctor stared at it with fright. Was this it’s plan all along? To trap him in this pain filled husk and laugh at him for his foolishness? He never should have trusted it! It started to lower itself to him, and with a small whimper he clenched his eyes shut and braced himself against... What? Oblivion? Mutilation? The destruction of his very soul? Whatever it was it couldn’t be good! It couldn’t-

“And don’t worry about Tio Nesto. He’ll be all right. I won’t let him be alone.”

….

Tio Nesto?

Héctor’s eyes snapped open and he saw the light was hovering over his face. He saw that smile again grace it’s face before it leaned over and… gave him a small kiss on the forehead. It was quick and chaste, but it was so warm and sweet, and it slightly soothed the aches that were afflicting his body. It drew back again and stared at him with such love in it’s eyes, and Héctor realized with a start of the fact that he could see it’s eyes.

They were his eyes!

Her eyes.

“You feel better Papá.”

With a choked out sob, reached out towards the light- my daughter!- but found that he couldn’t. He glanced down at his hands and saw that they were strapped to the railings of his bed, and no matter how hard he shook or strained against them he could not tear them free. Sitting up was also not an option, as the thick belt across his chest prevented him from lifting even an inch.

He turned his attention back towards his little girl, but she was gone. She had left him. Again.

“Leti!” Héctor cried out, tears streaming down his face as he tried to strain against the bindings once more. “Leti, don’t go! Leti come back, please come back! Don’t leave me, mija. Please don’t leave me again! Please, please, please…”

“Calm down Héctor.” A tired voice broke through his weak sobbing, and he glanced up through watery tears as his wife ran a hand through his hair in a calming motion. She began to speak to him, numbly, as if she had been repeating the same things over and over. “It’s not real. You’re alright. None of this is really happening. She’s not here. It’s okay, Héctor.”

Héctor concentrated on his wife’s face, forcing himself to calm his seizing chest and his pounding heart. He listened to her soothing words and slowly the hysteria faded away, leaving him exhausted and light-headed. And as the minutes passed and he became more and more aware of his immediate surroundings, the visions from before slowly faded as well. What had he been dreaming about? There was a light, he remembered. And a voice. It was so familiar. But even those vague recollections of his dream faded into nothingness as well, as for the first time in over three days Héctor was finally awake and aware.

“Imelda?” Héctor whispered. “What happened?”

“…Héctor?”

[ectoimp]

jfc the shit that comes out of my dads mouth. He tries to act like he progressive but then he says nasty shit. And anyone whos really heard me go off about my dad knows this is just the tip of the iceberg (this turned into a vent post about him beyond this original thing because now im just in a mood)

So I hear him fucking around with Loki. And I know he keeps pissing Loki off and playing to rough until Loki bites. Then he yells at him. and I tell him thats not how you deal with cats. So then we are talking and hes going on about how hes great with cats and knows what hes doing. Says hes more of a cat person.(right thats why he neglected 4 cats in a shed and didnt feed them until one died and they ate the corpse. Then blamed the cat neglect on his children) Says dogs are affectionate and nothing else.

So then he laughs and says “haha im just gonna be politically incorrect, but dogs are more like speeeeical people” while doing that beating hand to chest movement people down when they are imitated people with down syndrome and doing that mocking voice too. And of course I called him out on it and asked him what the fuck?? And he just laughs again and goes “what? What you know its true. Dogs are retarded” And im staring at him and he keeps going. “Like I just got back from karaoke and this women had her three retarded kids there, and theyre sweet like dogs. See but cats are more human and thats why I like them.” I just....im sorry did you just say cats are more human then mentally handicapped children???? Fuck you. You have 3 nonverbal autistic nephews and you say shit like this.

I just cant handle him. I really cant. Every conversation with him ends with me having an anxiety spike.  Every single time.  This time it was just general grossness, but a lot of times it will be directed more at me in the “whats wrong with you. You have issues.” sort of way. Any attempt at talking ends up with the gaslighting and emotional abuse. Where he’ll paint himself as this poor single father who sacrificed for his kids. He didnt. He doesnt give a shit

Like last summer where I had a seizure and passed out and he didnt take me to the hospital. But a week later he had me call an ambulance cause he had a panic attack. Oh and my seizure was because I was literally starving because I had such a bad tooth abcess that i couldnt eat and was chugging nothing but ice water for 3 days and hadnt slept in that time because of the pain. The pain had gone down enough that i was feeling a bit better, but he literally hadnt bought food so i had nothing to eat. So after all that I had to walk to the store in 90 degree heat, because he didnt want to, even though I was sick. On the way back home I realized something was very wrong. I managed to get back into the apartment before I collapsed. When I woke up he, in a caring voice, started blaming me for getting sick. “You never ask for help. youre going to be silent into your grave.” And i was so half conscious at the time...i kinda believed him that it was my fault. I had actually been asking for help the whole time and telling him I wasnt ok. But he had no money because he spent in all on alcohol and buying expensive things for his girlfriend

He then told everyone I was anorexic behind my back. I only found this out later, after talking to my sister and telling her what really happened. Yeah, she was appalled.

Because I could have died from his neglect and he probably would have spun it to sound like I had done it to myself.

Me and my sister are seriously counting down the days till we can kick him out. We only had to all move in together because of money (and he doesnt even pay rent on time and he makes the most money. While I, who doesnt have a job, have been making sure to give my sister as much money as I can)

Me and my sister had a LONG talk about our shitty parents not long ago. It was really...i dunno...something to actually hear her actually call what they did for what it was. “Not all abuse is physical.” I could go on more cause trust me, theres 26 years of bullshit I could comb through. But I got my vent out

[weidesofmarch-archive-blog]

Beaulonge: Eight of Cups

Alternately: “BEAU GETS SMASHED AND DRUNKEN FISTS SOLANGE OUT OF EXISTENCE” - Lorrayne Lorraynestorm, 2017

Warnings: off-handed mentions of violence (against other persons), friends without benefits (friends with no benefits) (just really really awful friends), inadvisable references to the classics, suicidal ideation, and what probably passes for premeditated murder.

schrodingers-gal beau.

we literally just talked about you dumping your trauma on people

did you mean to vent on your main or is this some new masochistic thing ur doing

weidesofmarch What

weidesofmarch FUCK

schrodingers-gal thats what i thought

weidesofmarch nonononono someone even replied to it im

This whole fucking month has been. I have been a little Fuzzy. Lately

N

<,

schrodingers-gal yeah thats a lot to unpack at once

do you want me to bring you a brick of muffin

schrodingers-gal does this have anything to do with why youre acting like more of a jackass than usual

weidesofmarch im homeless, solange

schrodingers-gal im DEAD, BEAU

schrodingers-gal and living in a dorm isnt homeless even if your roommate dipped

weidesofmarch This isn’t about my roommate. Im not thinking about that again. I mean i am but the walls move and every time i went inside they were a constant and now theres just me and a billion seizures waiting to happen.

I haven’t been in ra since the night i stayed at wynns

After i left in the morning I just didnt go home

schrodingers-gal excuse me

where the hell are you

weidesofmarch Spend most nights in the away locker room with the Dogs so the nighttime sports groups dont bust in on me

Ive been feeling stuff more and I cant remember things and i got really mad about that list thing moire posted forever ago because this has been the worst year of my life vis a vis my powers having no safe outlets what so ever

It was fine when i went home for break. I got to see Dante and the niblings &n that made me static and perfectable and controllable

weidesofmarch This is not in character for me. Im usually very in tune with my impulses. I dont DO things just to do them i have INTENT i have a purpose

I came here so i could find out why i have to deal with this and whether or not i could stop it but somehwere along the way i ended up in every ones side quests. Ive made 0 fucking progress

Im fucked.

I need to be in control

schrodingers-gal "need to be in control"

alright u fuckface, YOU were the one who said you couldnt fix me because you had no idea how your touch thing works. stop talking about your life likes its a drama serial

or was that another lie.

schrodingers-gal you don't get to just ruin my entire life because you get off on being All Powerful

never speak to me again u bloated sack of entitlement u suck

weidesofmarch Jesus christ thats not what this is

If youre really that sore about it you can come down to the rink while im kitted out n i can kick you in the neck how bout

schrodingers-gal its a little pathetic is all im saying

and if that would WORK id be more than happy to but we both know it doesn’t

you promised me my dog and you lied. you promised me a way out and you lied

you can get out any time u want. they might hound you for the rest of your life but you belong here because u say u do

weidesofmarch Its not like i make a habit of snapping people back into their corpes like the fuckiest game of lego there ever was

At this point a way out is all ive been fucking looking for

And youre wrong. Im even wrong. The only true thing i learned from being here is that i am even worse than a nothing. Instead of being a nothing i am an everything all at once. i am a part of all that i have met

i don't belong anywhere. fucking ulysses. fucking cain

weidesofmarch If you still want it though.

schrodingers-gal going by how long that pause was you better have come up with something good

weidesofmarch Absolutely.

Do you remember what i told you about me and Dante

The christmas party thing i mean. When i was really out of it and we turned that dude into a smoothie. I think we could do that too

Maybe not the actual smoothie part that would be gross

schrodingers-gal and it would be WRONG

weidesofmarch Ok

schrodingers-gal unbelievable

i dont see how pureeing my grey matter is supposed to help me or you

we already know my consciousness isnt locked in any one place and its not like the dean will let you go fro anything less than murder

weidesofmarch Not what i was getting at

Well kind of what i was getting at. Youre halfway there

weidesofmarch Like ghosts are only visible when theyre putting effort in right. Thats because of some fucky planes of reality liminal space bullshit that basically amounts to them vibrating at different frequencies than solid-based forms

And i know from cmas that I can change those vibrations. All kinds of vibrations. Like a drunk dissociative blender

I mean provided i load up on hallucinogens or dessert wine

schrodingers-gal so then you

what are you saying

weidesofmarch Get to the rink asap. If you have alcohol bring it

Im about to drop out of school

And we’re going to shake loose the mortal coil.

schrodingers-gal !

[ildivine]

in any form i have been in, i never knew why i was there in the first place, for the most part. i have a natural sense that after this bodys existence, my soul will carry on, for a variety of personal and spiritual reasons.

humanity always wants a reason to keep living and i suppose i may never entirely find mine, but ive come to realize that as cliché as it sounds, the gods wont throw anything at me i cant handle.

ive abused my body enough i didnt want to register it as mine, but it very much is. lose me w disassociation culture; being focused in the moment as this being and what the world sees me as and how they experience me, is important-- and i suppose that's why i accepted some time ago im goin to b short n funny shaped n awkward n in pain all the time, no matter what. i dont think im here to make any ~big changes (done that enough tbh) n while maybe i wasnt put here to write fanfiction n struggle w addiction all my life from Unwarranted Circumstances, but all i want is to make an impact n be remembered, to b liked n favored. in the past i didnt have the chances to explore such endeavors as something catastrophic happens around me; but here i can look @ cars w my brother n cliffdive w an entire family in the desert n my personality n creativity influences ppl in the ways of fanfiction. i finally let go of my crutch that was tumblr rp til/if i can deal with it again, like a fair majority of the comm has done n its one of the best things ive done for myself. its competitive, ugly n daying & logging makes me anxious or depressed, so why bother. ive had years of fun and there still carries lots of stories n development in those blogs, but once i adjusted to quieter spaces, i DID feel better. ao3 is impersonal but i can display my projects like artwork; discord is personal n i can track me n my friends personal projects without fearing judgement or feeling inferior (tho i still struggle sometimes). ive grown to be proud of these thousands of words abt fictional characters n weird twisted plot lines cuz damn if i dont do it well! ill keep the niche n practice art n languages meanwhile.

ive contacted anubis again and its always nice to feel protected, and i realize a lot of weaker folk wouldnt have lived thru what i did, n maybe id been looked after in a way that should make me feel more confident than i do. i have to remember im forgiven n loved even in my worst moments or theyre not so worthwhile, anyway.

friends will come n go but im here to stay, i guess. my life has been a constant winding path of trying to cope, failing, shifting positions n trying again. rinse repeating isnt so bad when every relapse is jus another reminder ive gotten better before, again and again.

this body isnt so fun n ive felt pretty crooked, but so is the experience of shifting chemicals in my brain nigh constantly. ronnies not having seizures anymore but shes still talking a mile a minute, mom says; fine! let her. shes living the best life she possibly can after ive seen things that should have killed her plenty of times!

n it reminds me tht this body is small n awkward n ive made mistakes to damage it permanently, but mental wounds never stop healing i spose. i am here n i will keep in touch with the physical family that still loves this creature, even if theyve done shit stuff; they won't be around forever, either

to b ok with my situation has been hard this entire last year since i met drake in june and began the cycle. i dont remember him asking over n over for to buy, but i remember sliding my savings over a bit at a time. sly, tricky, but fool me twice etc.

ill always b naive n forgetful n clumsy n a bit slow but thts ok. theres worse n after seeing how much friends have cared for me recently, i realize i have nothing to complain about.

whether im doing drugs or drinking or not i suppose i am very much alive, even if i like the fun boxes too much; i need so much stimulation for one entity its insane, n if i could explain why i need to see 5 diff ppl in a week in order to finally wind down to write w online friends enable to finally sleep, I Sure Would! gods nerfed me or id b too powerful etc. etc