#nothing makes a bitch (me) cry like characters i heavily relate to developing and growing and becoming happy

[jojea]

*through tears* tohru honda could fix me

[gingus-doon]

pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

[darkzeruda1214]

I’m not going deny, I was heavily inspired by just a Pancake’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoIpdFLz-Ls&t=4s

The Fandom does a much better job at writing and developing these gals than game has ever done or shown. I do love these three but stuff like this still bugs the shit out of me.

I love these gals. But I’m not going to deny that Just a Pancake really makes a valid point. And to be fair after some thinking I see the argument he was trying to make.

Now I know we all have own opinions and that’s fine. I stay firm with mine as you do yourselves. And that’s what makes a fandom, we all have a right to dislike and disagree if we want to. In fact I do encourage because it allows debates and second thinking if needed.

Anyways… back on topic, I’m going to be blunt. But Kingdom Hearts just dosen’t make good female characters. (This is not including Disney girls of FF, just KH original characters)

And it’s kinda sad considering how few main original KH female characters there are. You think they’d be able to bulk up personalities, but that seems to go to all the male characters.

As amazing and fun this game is, it needs some tweaking on making their female characters, feel alive.

Now I’m not talking about the fandom perspectives of these gals, because I’m going to be real. The fans do an INSANELY better job at portraying these girls. (TAKE NOTES NOMURA DAMN IT!)  

Now there are a few exceptions a couple being Larxene and Olette. To me (and feel to disagree with me) they were the only ones that felt like had something to offer.

Larxene has more character than all the other gals. Being sarcastic, sadistic and snide (at times insufferable bitch) and to me that breaths a lot of personality and I love her for it. Even her voice actor has put a great amount of effort in bringing Larxene to life. Out of all the KH girls she is the one who brings in most of the attention. And even in the few scenes she gets the spotlight without even trying.

The second being Olette. Now I know some of you are already typing as to how she has anything to offer. She’s not even a main character! Yes, and that the thing, I think because she has no major role in it allows the writers to give her a character that comes off as simple and sweet. She’s the only one to demonstrated that she’s as normal and ordinary as a person can be in this series. Something we don’t exactly see happening in the KH franchise since every named character has a role to fulfill, and for her to be a small breath of fresh air is a nice change of pace. It shows: yes there are normal people, with normal lives. They have no scripted important task ahead of them, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of it.

And not only that, we did get to know bits and parts of her personality. And her interests thanks to small details sprinkled in KH2 and 3. Such as showing she has her priorities straight and 'actually' doing her homework/jobs before the due date. She loves going to the beach and loves spending time with her friends. Also she like to go shopping. A simple character, with a simple purpose. And to me she feels alive and just in general, a simple but easy character to relate to. She’s a perfect example of a beauty in simplicity.  

Now… as for the main girls.

Aqua is literally my favorite KH girl. However, the thing about her, is that she shared too many similar features with Sora. Now I don’t mean personality wise because Aqua is much more mature and level headed than Sora could ever be 

However, as much as I really hate to admit it. Aqua doesn’t have anything to offer other than a serious role model and as a plot device...

I think what made Aqua popular is the fact that she’s a strong independent female character who doesn’t need no man to save her. (Also, she has a really well thought out design). And for that I praise and respect her for it. Yet… throughout the game, she relatively keeps the same straight face. Her expression has shown to be sad, angry or just stoic. Nothing too bad, but as far as that, we don’t see Aqua have any interests beyond wanting to save her friends. And to me that’s all she did in the series, I’m not going to lie the first time I played Birth by Sleep, I saw absolutely no reason for her to be in the game. I mean Xehanort (he can go suck a dick) focused all of his attention on Terra to take over his body. And on Ventus to play a role in forging the X-blade.

But as for Aqua, to me it seemed like she was just walked in there to simply fill a space and create another trio. Now I’m not saying under circumstance that she is useless. After all, her role in the game is a huge catalyst for the events of KH1. It gives her a purpose and is one of the most important characters. But to me that felt more like a large plot device and changer other than being a person. Aqua suffered a lot in the series, no doubt. But being a catalyst isn’t enough to be a good character. She’s not bad by any means, as I still hold her a place in my heart. But I feel like she was put on plot pedestal in the series instead of being given a full fledged personality that makes her relatable. There are only two instances that allowed Aqua to not be a emotionless character:

One being with Zack asking her on a date and the second is when she tried to help Cinderella and Jaq in Castle of Dreams world. To see an awkward/embarrassed expression instead of the dull zombie-like one was a nice sense of relief to give her something.      

Another character that suffers from this treatment is Xion. She is one of my favorite characters from 358/2 days, but beyond the fact that she got the short end of the stick of being forgotten by her own friends (and everyone else for that matter). Her story is a tragic one, one that always gives me the feels and her theme is both beautiful and sad. But I wouldn’t say she had a character that made me connect with her as much as it could have.

She definitely has more expression and personality compared to Aqua that’s for sure. But not by much, however hers is within good reason. After all she was a puppet created by Vexen and Organization XIII don’t get me wrong. I understand that, and I would say it’s unfair for me to be saying this to her. And you’re right, it is unfair, but Xion eventually learned how to have emotions. How to cry and what happiness and laughter is and feels like.

The one thing I did get from her is that she loves sea salt ice cream and is one of the cutest and sweetest character in the game. But as far as her interests goes, there’s not much to go by. Now I know you can argue that both Roxas and Axel don’t exactly express their interest beyond their time in the clock tower. And it’s true, but Xion doesn’t add much more either… again I feel like she was only added in the game last minute. And that’s why in the story she’s forgotten so they have an explanation as to what happened to her and why she’s not recalled in KH2. Xion also gets the “plot device” treatment rather than as a character. And to me it feels like a disrespect to her character! (Her manga incarnation is MILES better).

However, I also don’t say much on her either only because she is still learning how to be her own individual. But my point still stands, though it’s prone to change, mostly because she now has the opportunity to be a character after KH3 since everyone remembers her and has her own body. And she might finally get an personality expansion in the next set of installments in the future.

Now as for Kairi…

Well this topic has been talked and reviewed over to death. In fact I even spoke about her character in this post here: https://princesszelda-heroine.tumblr.com/post/187815960646/kairi-deserved-better

But to sum it up, Kairi hasn’t been given a chance to shine as an individual compared to her friends and the others. And after what happened in KH3 I’m just more frustrated with the writers and developers that they won’t allow her to grow with sustenance! Whatever she had in KH1 and 2 was totally stripped in KH3.

My point being. Being a plot device in game or a catalyst for another one. Or having amazing/original design, does. Not. Make. A. Good. Fleshed. Out. Character.

I’m sorry to say this. But it’s true.

This is why I hate the treatment these gals go through in game. I stick solely to fan works because they give these girls the justice they deserve and makes me love them more as a whole.

I know there is a lot of things I didn’t cover, and maybe I missed a couple of points. But this is how I see this, and how I think the franchise is really missing a lot of good opportunities developing them.  

They really don't have much to offer as far as personality growth. Thank You KH Manga series.