#now I can blame my personal failures on a lack of internet fame

[theoreticaltranstherian]

Jumping on the bandwagon woo-hoo

no spam reblog or spam comment ;P

For every 100 reblogs I'll drink another bottle of water

Update: Ive drank almost 2 whole water bottles in the last 3 days which isn't much proportionally but for one, I'd probably not even drink one if it wasn't for the internet critters in my phone telling me to and also, yk, thats alot of water compared to my last few weeks getting all my fluids from food

10 reblogs: Go to bed before midnight tonight

50 reblogs: I'll make my bed in the mornings for a week

Update: I found out that my bed being made kinda stresses me out for some reason, it's just so neat I get scared, and so instead I am putting away 3 pieces of clothing that have been clean for months and i just haven't touched every morning :D

75 reblogs: I'll work on getting accommodations for my autism at school

Update: I don't have the required "proof of diagnosis" and I'd have to wait 2 years or so to get it and I won't be in school anymore at that point, so I'm working with my counselors to see what they can do aside from official autism accommodations

125 reblogs: I'll work in upping my failing grade in math

Update: Math test retake on the 12tg, wish me luck!

150 reblogs: I'll work on my dopamine addiction and get help

Update: Hooooooly shit addictions are hard. I'm going to start a timer for time between uses of YouTube shorts or Instagram reels in an effort to reduce my need for instant gratification and try to replace every time I pick my phone up with drawing or reading or talking to people around me.

200 reblogs: I'll post my art that I've been self conscious about posting

Update: I am really happy for this, it's finally an excuse for me to make myself post my art :D it's probably gonna be 1-2 drawings per post with a little background with each :3

300k reblogs: I'll start cleaning up my room

400k reblogs: I'll clean out my bag (God pls don't get to 400 yall T T)

500: I'll get sharp objects out of my room

1k reblogs: I'll be really happy :0

Edit; Added more goals

2k reblogs: I'll start streaming on twitch again!!!

3k reblogs: I'll empty out my drafts

5k: I come out as trans to my parents (I don't know if they're transphobic so to speak, but they are of the mindset that "do whatever you want once you're out of our house but until then you are our kid" but I wanna be like um no actually-)

5.5k: I come out as trans to my non-transphobic grandma

6k: I come out as trans to my transphobic grandma

Edit 2; Yo same picture of the earth reblogged me?!? the picverse found this?!?! that's insane xd

Edit 4; I added some coming out goals because I'm not gonna do it if I don't have the pressure from hundreds of little things in my phone cheering me on xd

Pinging moots so there's at least a small chance of any of these happening xd

@calimewzz @annotated-catastrophe @glitched-out-dusk @life-is-okay-rn

[violetsystems]

#personal

You know shit is getting real when you wake up to poignant words from your investment banker.  Personally I’m not the kind of person who hangs out on reddit or any forum at all.  My only active social networks are Tumblr and LinkedIn at this point.  The irony of Tumblr being born from the finance message boards of Yahoo is priceless.  On record, we all know we cost Verizon a billion dollar tax loss.  I guess maybe we don’t know all the details about the taxes but this is what big money does.  Ken Griffin knows all too well this as he literally spent money to strike down the fair tax law in Illinois.   Which is probably why I’m the one out there shoveling the snow alongside the gang members on my block.  Truth be told, it doesn’t get much cyberpunk than this.  But the advice in my inbox was pretty simple.  Your investments should help you reach your goals, not distract you from them.  Six months ago in July I was let go from my job of twenty years.  I had a very shiny, arcane thing to deal with.  A lump sum from a pension benefit.  My job has been disappeared along with my career and twenty years of contacts.  I wasn’t aware of what to call it at that time.  I was overwhelmed by the sheer destruction of it all.  I watched the Bernie Madoff movie with DeNiro the other day.  He literally was confronted by swarms of people blaming him directly for destroying their lives.  Six months ago, I had to make decisions alone in a vacuum that had a lot more to do with my overall financial health and wellness.  I had no council.  Barely any friends in real life.  I talked it out here in a journal week to week and communicated my emotions about it.  And from there I made real, concrete decisions for myself.  These were the goals I had for myself.  The financial technology I had at my disposal were simply the tools to achieve those goals.  And yet for six months, I spent myself fixiated on a screen drunk on every wave of volatility.   I tried to get cute.  I shorted stocks for gains.  I tweaked out things that didn’t move correctly at a loss.  And it was generally easy to do in modern times because of computers.  And then I started hitting invisible walls.  I made my first wash sale without knowing it.  A simple little w hanging on the screen which told me like a slap on the hand that writing that off is null and void.  You see the government and the SEC have spent years creating rules and investigating unfair practices.  Sort of like the IRS has spent years ignoring Donald Trump’s tax return.  Which I might also add showed chronic tax loss for years on end.  The underlying fundamentals of what goes on in the market currently has a lot to do with options trading.  We’re all aware at least that Gamestop was being bet against in this scenario.  I don’t own anything related to any of this.  I’m in the camp of the adults you are sticking it to.  This after being stuck to by being let loose from my pension benefit and career entirely.  For me it was a great time to stop obsessing day after day about one aspect of my financial health.  The great thing about book keeping and budgeting the last four months is that I’ve normalized my spending to enjoy my life.  Money does run out especially when there are no opportunities to be had.  Which is why goals can get sidelined by worry and distraction.  I don’t really know what anyone’s ultimate goal is with Gamestop.  I don’t think the government knows either.  I think it’s a great statement on the democratization of finance.  I also know how slimy the players on the other side are historically.  Because hedge funds have been doing this kind of thing to each other for years and made billions.

I didn’t really ask to be an investor.  I was a salaried worker with benefits pretty much living my life in the moment.  I travelled the world.  I explored and networked.  Retirement felt like something you achieved when you knew you had a place in life.  And when I was let go from my job and ghosted entirely, I felt a little more free and a lot more lost.  My goals were still there.  Maybe I had less baggage.  They definitely threw all my personal items out in the trash from my old office.  But I took the tools that I had and improvised.  I spent six months researching companies while famed short sellers targeted my investments and wrote scathingly shitty articles about how people like me were dumb failures.  And six months later they bit off more than they could chew going up against a crowd and not a single person.  And now Citron sits on Bloomberg proudly talking about how they will no longer research short selling.  How proud he is not to hide under a pseudonym.  How proud the financial world is that it understands my pain and my rookie approach to staying alive.  Personally I’m just some guy on the internet.  I write here because it’s the only intimate way I can keep contact with people I really care about.  There is one goal through all this money and bullshit I stay focused on.   Love.  Care.  Attention.  You spend every fucking day obsessing over your portfolio.  Bragging about money that isn’t really there.  And you ignore the things that are.  However silent, shadowy or anonymous.  Your investments whether they be monetary, friendship driven or family oriented can distract you from your goals.  The goal for all of us is to be free.  To be free to be ourselves.  And unfortunately sometimes money is at the root of that in a society where there isn’t enough to go around.  But we ignore the things that really matter when we obsess too acutely to the expectations and speculations.  I didn’t play games or make music that six months.  I listened to the constant war drum of the news.  I flinch traded with emotional reactions that may or may not have been instigated by social saboteurs.  I stopped controlling my life and my direction to bow to the will of the market.  I kept looking for job opportunities coping with severe boredom.  I read this opinion that boredom created this mess.  Motivated us ‘bros’ to trade and that’s why we’re dangerous.  Even attributed our dangerous boredom to lack of sex in such a comedically patriarchal way that it’s impossible to lmao it away.  Rich people created and exacerbated this problem.  And then they turn around and berate us in such a snobbish way.  I’m a retail investor.  I’m a boutique investor.  I’m the face of the America you sold out to the oligarchs.  I’m something you want to put a label on and file away.  And yet by never approaching me six months ago, you have a bigger problem six months later.  Six months ignoring people’s pain and have it manifest in such a horrific way.  The Frankenstein on display for all to rip to pieces as if there’s no consequences.  This was never about Gamestop for me.  And to demean my dignity to lump my personal experience as a writer with this bullshit is foul at best.  But it is what I’m used to.  I’m not a fucking gamer on the internet gambling my crypto profits.  I’m a human being who got fucked in such a dirty, visceral way, people just pretend it never happened.  

And this is American capitalism at it’s finest.  While I agree there’s some great popcorn cinema at work, the darker side is also at work.  Billion dollar losses aren’t always the worst thing for the ultra rich.  Billionaires like Donald Trump and Ken Griffin spend money to make money.  They take losses and roll around in the hazy fog of accounting made to benefit the ultra rich because of Trickle down economics.  It never reaches us.  The money keeps getting locked away in gold.  The job numbers shrink.  The payrolls and income vaporize.  Pretty soon it’s mad max in bartertown.  Mine crypto for clean corporate water while the lead in your pipes itches your skin.  Haggle with insurance companies to squeeze out more medicine from your adjusted ninety day supply.  It’s all about profits.  And where do those profits go.  Back into the economy?  Or back into speculation.  Numbers dancing around the screen that mean nothing if you don’t know how to spend it wisely.  The illusion that you are striking it rich in such a gamified way that it makes vegas look like wells fargo.  And this is all we focus on.  Money.  Not life.  Not love.  Not asking how your day went.  Not sharing goals together for our lives and future.  Just cold hard numbers.  Laughing that we are sticking it to the man while we ignore our comrades on the front lines of this mess.  I was here and ignored.  Maybe people listened.  Picked up little bits and pieces of my narrative for their own.  And left me for dead.  And now it’s such a comical outcome that I crawl further back into my conch shell and forget about it altogether.  I go long for my goals and can plan better trajectories.  I stop getting gamed into reactions meant to trap me further.  Money is not freedom.  The rich would love to sell it back to you.  But this is not the case.  And the rich aren’t really out there to make anyone but themselves richer.  If you help them in that goal that’s great.  But they’ve been fucking over people since shorting government bonds from their Harvard dorm room.  What makes you think you are shadier than them?  Personally my goal is not to be paid attention to by billionaires.  I’m sure some of the worst already know my name and pretend I don’t exist.  But the real truth is simple.  Moving with a crowd can be empowering.  But be careful you aren’t being herded into a deeper endgame.  I’d be the last person to caution anyone against taking risks particularly in the market let alone their professional and personal life.  But I didn’t make it here by listening to crowds or doubting myself.  And to tell you the truth, it’s not the yellow brick road to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me.  We’ve read enough of what I have to say to know better.  Just know I’m not really interested in talking about stocks or gamestop in real life.  I’d rather listen in silence and enjoy nature.  Especially when it’s scratching at my door for food at six in the morning on a saturday.  Don’t get distracted from what really matters in all of this.  Take some time to listen to the voice in your heart rather than the chants from crowds.  They don’t know you like you know you.  Be safe and be careful.  <3 Tim