#number of breakdowns had today bc i realized I'm not a kid anymore: 3.5
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Need 2 work on getting that therapist
#not doing well coming 2 terms with the fact I'll be 20 in a month#number of breakdowns had today bc i realized I'm not a kid anymore: 3.5#i also started crying bc i realized i spent fuckin like- $100 on useless shit @ the fair thing#like!! 20$ for fuckin sunglasses!! with beads glued to them!! what was i thinking!!#then i bought a dragon plush and that was 25 plus keychains which was 5 so 30#+the beanie so thats another 30 and earrings that matched my shirt that were 15#i spent so much money im gonna be sick#i shouldn't have access to money what the fuck was i thinking#i spent a 3rd of my usual paycheck in 1 day I'm actually gonna be sick#laying face down on the floor#i don't want to be an adult yet#i didn't even get to be a kid#i wanna go back in time to a point where i dont constantly want to die#i hate doing all this shit alone bc my family isnt helping and idk anyone irl my age that i can just- go visit & destress with#like fuck dude i don't have any friends from school. 90% the ppl i work with are adults with lil kids#and the ppl there that r around my age have their shit together#& besides i dont want 2 make work friends bc what if i fuck it up and now my job sucks and id probably quit 2 get away from it#its real fun that i seek out friends and companionship desperately but when ppl rlly want to spend time with me i shut down & hide#elliot rambles#mini rant#venty#vent
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