#o got a vanity fair cover and feature

[larrylimericks]

8Sep22

A feminist’s wild revelation! The bonds of misogyny shaken! Patriarchy’s been smashed Cos one girlboss badass Put ‘Sue’ ‘BAKER!’ Styles in an apron.

[idontblushsrry]

SFW Alphabet Tamaki Suoh

A/N: It’s missing Ouran hours. As usual, features a gn reader, there’s a mention of makeup but it doesn’t go into detail so you’re free to imagine what type of makeup it is

Word Count: 1885

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Tamaki is incredibly affectionate! If you get together while he’s still in the host club, good luck keeping your relationship a secret because as soon as he sees you, this overgrown puppy is running towards you shouting “Ma cherie” with the dopiest expression on his face. Of course, Kyoya will immediately shut him down with the reminder that there are customers that Tamaki still has to attend to.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend, Tamaki is very affectionate. He’s really one of those friends who’s very supportive and will hype you up no matter what, But he’s also very dramatic, like so ridiculously dramatic that it’s a wonder Kyoya put up with his nonsense all this time.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Tamaki cuddles like a koala, like he’s got his arms and legs wrapped around you so if you’ve got anything to do...good luck. He loves to cuddle with you and honestly he prefers to spend his days off wrapped around you.

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Tamaki definitely wants to settle down with you. He has this dream of you both living in the countryside, quiet and unassuming, he definitely has a pinterest board or something to that degree that just consists of sections upon sections of things he wants to do with you in the future. In terms of cooking and cleaning, Tamaki could if he tried. He’s no michelin star chef but he can make pancakes if given proper instruction his cleaning however definitely needs some work.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If you had to break up, he’d be incredibly somber about it. Likely you both would break up due to an outside influence (ex. arranged marriage) as opposed to anything either of you have done. He can barely look you in the eye and his voice wavers, when he finally finishes breaking up with you he kisses your hands and apologizes before walking away.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Tamaki definitely has a dream wedding board on pinterest. He’s not one to rush into marriage but he also feels if the time is right and the both of you want to, why not? He’s also incredibly dramatic with the proposal asking for your guardian’s permission (despite you telling him that you are in fact, grown). He also does like a whole fairytale proposal and wedding, he’s so in love with you and strives to give you a perfect storybook happily ever after.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Tamaki may be oblivious sometimes but he can be incredibly in tune with your emotions when you need it most. If you’re ever feeling angry or upset he’ll just listen if you’re ranting (may get more than a little hyped up for you but-), if you’re feeling down, he’ll just kiss your forehead and hold you. Overall, he’s very gentle with you, you are his precious love ad as such, you deserve all the tenderness in the world.

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Tamaki loves to hug you, any opportunity he can, he’s hugging you. It’s so bad that he basically gets flamed by the whole host club for how much he hugs you but to him, it’s worth it.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

He says it incredibly fast. On your first date, he just dismisses it as butterflies in his stomach and first date nerves. However, the first time you kiss him, he’s already blurted it out without even realizing. Tamaki however, has not a single ounce of subtlety when it comes to love so if you haven’t figured this out beforehand, you and him are just gonna be oblivious together.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Tamaki acts a complete fool when jealous. This man is ready to like bite someone, sic Honey on the person who he’s jealous of, call Kyoya’s special SWAT team, everything. You’re gona have to calm him down at this point. To be fair though, he doesn’t get jealous all too often, he trusts you it’s just that person was a little too close that’s all, he swears! 

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Tamaki’s kisses are so good, it’s like he takes all the love he holds for you and the sparkle i his eyes when he sees you and puts them all into one kiss. His lips are also soft because best believe Tamaki wears chapstick. He likes to kiss you alone of course, he views kissing as something between the two of you and prefers to keep it that way.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Tamaki is actually really good with children. His overall kindness and general whimsical/carefree attitude meshes really well with children.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Tamaki (bar he have a ridiculous dream or something of the like) are so domestic. Like he just holds you and kisses your forehead. If he wakes up before you he’ll stare at you until you wake up so you can both start your day together.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Tamaki aren’t as lax as mornings. For one, Tamaki has a strict nightly schedule he follows, even if he’s coming back from an event and dead tired, he’ll get up to complete it. His routine consists of anywhere from 10-12 steps (depending on the day) and is relatively complicated. On the bright side, he’ll help you with tying your hair up at night, removing makeup, etc. In general he’s very serious about his night time schedule, but he’ll also help you out if you’re slacking on yours.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Tamaki sort of has stages of openness. There’s his first stage, which is the false vulnerability act he puts on for customers. His second stage where he’s somewhat unguarded but still puts on an act for around his friends. And there’s his 3rd stage, Tamaki really never lets anyone get here, but glimpses of it sneak through if you pay enough attention. Gradually as you deepen your trust in one another, he’ll tell you more about his fears, vulnerabilities, insecurities, etc.

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Tamaki honestly doesn’t get angry easily, and when he does get angry he’s pretty good at hiding it. He only really shows his anger if you strike a particularly sensitive nerve or if you put yourself in danger.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Tamaki remembers everything you tell him but if he ever finds out something about you he gets a little offended about the fact that you didn’t tell him. He’s really good at remembering things you like or mention having an interest in however, and often asks Kyoya for help in getting things/experiences for you.

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Tamaki’s favorite moment in your relationship was your first kiss. You were both walking around, no place in mind as the sun set. He saw the way you looked bathed in the last glimmers of sunlight and asked if he could kiss you, from there, the rest is history.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Tamaki is pretty protective, he knows that considering the fact that he has a reputation as the prince and the hoards of people who are actually in love with him, you’re most definitely a target. He worries about you but he keeps an eye on you and knows you’ll tell him if anyone is bothering you, but he still worries. As for how he’d like to be protected, he has this love fantasy that some girls will be chasing after him and you’ll just stop them by proclaiming your love for him in front of everyone.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

The ‘T’ in Tamaki stands for try. This man is the definition of effort, not a single expense will be spared when it comes to ensuring your happiness, not if he can help it.

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

Tamaki has a really bad tendency to overreact. While it usually isn’t too much of an annoyance, in situations where you really need him to be your rock, it can become overwhelming and add to your panic. Your irritation will lead to you snapping and his concern will lead to him snapping, causing a argument between you that becomes a stalemate once you both realize the other has points but are still too upset to apologize.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He is admittedly very vain, like yes, he is a gentleman and in any other circumstance you would be put before him, you are his love after all, but he realllllly needs the bathroom so that he can do his morning routine.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Tamaki doesn’t feel incomplete so much as he feels withered without you. You are his sun, he can’t help but gravitate towards you. Without you he feels downtrodden and aimless. He covers it relatively well around others, but he’s whining to his friends about how much he misses you behind closed doors.

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He doesn’t really have too, too much relationship experience. He has experience flirting sure, but as far as going past that and actually being in a committed relationship with someone every moment with you is a learning experience.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

He doesn’t like people that don’t hold themselves in high regard/classily. He admires people who are kind and graceful and he thinks that people who are mean for the sake of it are repulsive. And while this isn’t necessarily a yuck, he does like people with confidence and a decent sense of self. 

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Tamaki sleeps like a starfish, especially if he’s sleeping alone. It’s ridiculous, he could be on a bed 4x his size and he’d still find some way to take up the entirety of the bed to the point where he’s the only one able to sleep on it comfortably.

[thesibfiles]

Courtney going on tour right after?

Theres a misconception that after Kurts death, Courtney went straight on tour right away. This is false. The album was already set to release a few days after and they couldnt change that on such a short notice. Promotion for the album was cancelled and she pushed back the tour 4 months.

“Live Through This was supposed to provide Love an opportunity to step out from her famous husband’s shadow. “It’s annoying now, and it’s been annoying for nine years, Love said in a 1999 Jane Magazine interview of always being connected to Cobain. Released four days after Cobain’s body was found, the album’s promotion was put on hold. Rather than retreat from the public eye, Love openly mourned and helped fans of Cobain and Nirvana make sense of the singer’s death. She sat with grieving teenagers gathered outside the couple’s Seattle home and recorded a reading of parts of his suicide note that was played at the singer’s memorial that gathered near the Space Needle. In the days following his death, Love showed a very raw and emotional side and admitted that, like many fans, she didn’t have all the answers. 

It was, and still is, impossible for people to discuss Live Through This without noting the irony of the album’s title. Love has said the name was not a prediction at all, but instead a reflection of all she had endured in the months leading up to its release, including a very public custody fight with the Los Angeles Department of Family Services over daughter Frances Bean. Rumors suggested that Cobain had written much of Live Through This (it’s Miss World, not Mister, just FYI). “I’d be proud as hell to say that he wrote something on it, but I wouldn’t let him. It was too Yoko for me. It’s like, ‘No fucking way, man! I’ve got a good band, I don’t fucking need your help,’” was Love’s response to critics in Spin’s oral history of Live Through This. Love and Cobain often shared notebooks and lyrics with each other, and while there is talk of Cobain’s influence on Love’s work, or the writing of all of it, less is mentioned in the press of her impact on his lyrics and music. Rather than sucking all the life out of Nirvana or threatening the success of the band, like many assumed she would do, she inspired Cobain. Fun fact: In Utero, Nirvana’s last album, was named after a line from one of Love’s poems.

Sadly, songwriting rumors would be replaced by other rumors. Women are often vilified and condemned for the deaths of their male partners. Love, like all women, was supposed to save her partner from death and addiction. Fans of Cobain projected all their anger and resentment over the loss of the Nirvana front man onto Love, and soon she was blamed for not only his addiction but also his death. There are even two movies devoted to the theory that Courtney killed Kurt: the awful Soaked in Bleach (2015) and the equally awful Kurt & Courtney (1998). If you think we’ve come a long way, baby, sadly we haven’t. 

One year after Anthony Bourdain’s death, Asia Argento is still being blamed, and in September 2018, Ariana Grande had to take a break from social media after fans blamed her for the death of her ex Mac Miller. A few months later, she would be blamed for new beau Pete Davidson’s mental health and addiction issues. It’s amazing she finds the time to write hit songs what with all the dude destruction she has going on. When women are not being blamed for the deaths of the men in their lives, they are being attacked for not grieving properly. “She wasn’t crying. She’s got $30 million coming to her. Do you blame her for being so cool?” a hospital staffer said of Yoko Ono following John Lennon’s murder in 1980. 

About four months after Cobain’s death, Love went on tour to promote her new album. Some questioned and judged why she would go on tour so soon, but Love has said it was a necessity. She had a young daughter to support. She needed to work. She also, sadly, still needed to prove herself. “I would like to think that I’m not getting the sympathy vote, and the only way to do that is to prove that what I’ve got is real,” Love told Rolling Stone in 1994.

Twenty-five years later, Cobain’s death still hangs over Live Through This. In the days leading up to the anniversary of Cobain’s death, former Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur wrote an open letter to music magazine Kerrang saying she “would not stand for Kurt’s death overshadowing the life and work of the women he left behind this year.”

“We were extremely well designed for each other,” Love has said of her relationship with Cobain. In a letter reprinted in Dirty Blonde: The Diaries of Courtney Love, she calls him “my everything. the top half on my fraction.” The two had similar upbringings, both came from broken homes and spent childhoods shuttling between relatives and friends. They both grew up longing for love and acceptance. When we tell the story of Kurt and Courtney we talk about drugs and destruction, but we don’t talk enough about love.

The two also shared an intense drive and ambition. “I didn’t want to marry a rock star, I wanted to be one,” Love said in a 1992 Sassy interview. Evidence of her drive can be found in the many notes and to-do lists she kept, some of which are collected in Dirty Blonde. There are reminders to send her acting résumé to agencies, to write three to four new songs a week, to “achieve L.A. visibility.” A scene in the documentary Kurt & Courtney features an ex of Love’s reading from one of her to-do lists, which has “become friends with Michael Stipe” as the number one task to complete (not only did Love do this, but he is her daughter’s godfather). This ambition is not surprising from a woman who, when she was younger, mailed a tape of herself singing to Neil Sedaka in hopes of getting signed. Love knew what she wanted at an early age, and what she wanted was fame.

She was certainly living by the “do not hurt yourself, destroy yourself, mangle yourself to get the football captain. Be the football captain!” motto she championed in the 1995 documentary Not Bad for a Girl. Ambition is often a dirty word when it is used to describe women and Love is no exception. She has been repeatedly described as calculating and controlling when she should be rewarded for her blond ambition and viewed as an inspiration. Critics and the press often call her a gold digger who only married Cobain for fame and money. They fail to mention that when the two met Pretty on the Inside was actually selling more copies than Bleach, Nirvana’s debut album. Even post-Kurt, Love’s intentions were always under scrutiny. On the Today Show to do press for The People vs. Larry Flynt, Love refused to talk about her past drug use, despite the host’s repeated questions, saying the topic was not an appropriate fit for the show’s demographic. She was right, but it didn’t stop a writer from describing the move as “calculating” in a 1998 Spin piece.

Cobain was ambitious too; he was just much slyer and more secretive about it. He was known to call his manager and complain when MTV didn’t play Nirvana’s videos enough, and he would correct journalists who misquoted the band’s sales figures in interviews. While success is typically celebrated and rewarded for men and it certainly was for Cobain, he also had to be mindful of the slacker generation that loved Nirvana and greeted success — and especially mainstream success —

While female celebrities like Love are criticized for their rebellion, male celebrities, like Cobain for example, are celebrated and mythologized for it. Cobain and Love both struggled with addiction, but it is Love who is repeatedly vilified for her drug use. “She was vilified for being a mess, for being a drug addict, for not being a great parent — in other words, all of the things we expect in a male rock star,” said Bust magazine in a piece in the magazine’s 20th anniversary issue, which featured Love on the cover.

We make jokes about the drug antics of male celebrities from Keith Richards to Charlie Sheen, idolizing their debauchery and depravity. The new Netflix/Lifetime movie by Jack Daniels, The Dirt, about Mötley Crüe, takes the band’s excesses to almost comic levels. Check out crazy tourmate Ozzy Osbourne snorting a line of ants by a hotel pool! Such zany antics! I would love to see Lindsay Lohan try to get away with that. We never allow women to live down their arrests and their addictions, but we repeatedly allow men to have a redemption arc. Robert Downey Jr. was in and out of jail and on and off drugs for much of the mid to late ’90s, but we rarely, if ever, talk about his past.

When Love isn’t being attacked for her addiction issues, she is being judged for her parenting. Love’s first unflattering press was “Strange Love,” the much publicized 1992 Vanity Fair profile by Lynn Hirschberg. While the piece talks at length about Love’s drug use and constantly questions her parenting ability, it doesn’t paint Cobain in the same light. “It is appalling to think that she would be taking drugs when she knew she was pregnant,” says one close friend in the piece. Hirschberg relies on many unnamed sources and focuses often on the tabloid-like aspects of Love’s life and addictions. “Courtney has a long history with drugs. She loves Percodans (‘They make me vacuum’), and has dabbled with heroin off and on since she was eighteen, once even snorting it in Room 101 of the Chelsea Hotel, where Nancy Spungen died,” she writes. “Reportedly, Kurt didn’t do much more than drink until he met Courtney.” (Even when it is reported by Kurt and Krist that Kurt tried heroin in 1989, way before Courtney, It was also known that he smoked weed and used caugh syrup to get high in 1989 and 1990.)

This double standard was common in coverage of the couple. In Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck, the 2015 documentary by Brett Morgen, Love asks her husband, “Why does everyone think you’re the good one and I’m the bad one?” Later in the film we see a scene of Frances Bean’s first haircut. The child sits on Cobain’s lap while Love searches for a comb and scissors. The camera shows Cobain nodding off, and while he maintains that he is just tired, it’s clear he’s not. The scene is painful to watch, especially because those around Cobain carry on like nothing in wrong, giving the feeling this is just like any other day in the Love-Cobain household. The scene is a reminder of how the press treated Cobain’s addiction when he was alive. They just carried on like nothing was wrong, instead directing all their judgement at Love.

[strywoven-moved]

@scnic​ asked : “so— wait. wait, wait— the elders just sorta conveniently got themselves turned into crystal and you had to bust ‘em out?? with a dragonfly??” sparx buzzes in offense && Sonic grimaces apologetically. “not that a dragonfly companion’s a bad thing, little dude. just—yknow, a little left field!” /for Spyro duh

          The so-titled HERO seems to preen from recounting his exploits , a sharpened grin splitting his features in cocksure vanity ( some habits die hard , it seems ) .  Yet it was more than a simple stroke of the ego , despite all he’d accomplished he never felt h e a r d ; go here , do this , collect these thingies , fix this whatever-you-cal-lit— Who took the time to sit with the dragon and HEAR what he had to say about everything ?  It’s an unspoken regard , but Spyro is GRATEFUL to have Sonic around ( though he may likely be too proud to admit it outright ) .

           “That’s about the gist of it , yeah.  If you ask me , they kinda’ had it coming - I mean - t h e y were the ones who called Gnasty Gnorc u g l y in the first place !”  A snort , his voice lowering in case anyone was listening , a paw raising to cover his maw , “Not that their opinion was wrong,” He raises his voice again, “But it was still their fault.”  Rather matter-of-fact about it , isn’t he ?  This dragon seems so brazen in what he says it’s a wonder he even considers the impact of his words ‘fore he says them.  “But , hey !”  A barking laugh escapes him.  “Is it really so strange ?  From what I’ve noticed , y o u –” Punctuated by a deliberate prod of a foreclaw to the hedgehog’s bicep , “ – have done some weird things , too , right ?  I’m not the only one here !  So , c’mon , I told you my story , now it’s time you do the same.  It’s only FAIR !”  Not just a simple demand , there was GENUINE interest in what the other may have to tell.

[ofstarsandvibranium]

Life Online: Guy Tries Makeup and Beauty Products

Fandom: Star Wars (Youtuber AU)

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader

Summary: You persuade Poe to try out some of your makeup and beauty products. He's scared yet intrigued.

Internet Famous Masterlist

“Hey guys! So as you can see from the title of this video a guy, aka Poe, will be trying some makeup and beauty products!” You looked at Poe, “So how do you feel?”

“Is it weird that I’m sorta kinda really scared right now?” Poe asked you looking completely scared out of his mind.

You laughed, “It’s not bad! I promise you won’t get that hurt or anything.”

“Oh, o-wait. That hurt? Hol-”

You clapped your hands and exclaimed, “Let’s get on with the video!”

Poe was now sitting at your vanity and you stood beside him, “Okay. So this is gonna be a three products at once kind of thing. So first, I’m going to put some fake lashes on you.” You took them out of the packaging and carefully applied glue to them.

“People actually pay money for fake lashes? But they already have some!”

“People want longer lashes, thicker lashes, Poe. Now stop moving and close your eyes!” Poe groaned as you applied the lashes along his lid. With tweezers, you adjusted them so they would look more natural. 

“Are you done yet?”

You set the tweezers down, “Yep! Take a look!”

Poe turned to face the mirror and he checked out his lashes, “Wow...that’s a lot of lash. It’s weird.”

“Okay, look at me.”

Poe turned to you and saw some weird contraption in your hand, “Woah woah woah! What is that?!”

You rolled your eyes, “Calm down, it’s an eyelash curler.”

“That looks like some sort of torture device!”

“Sit still, Poe! It won’t even hurt!”

“What if you stab me in the eye or something?!” Poe exclaimed pushing your hands away from his face.

You stepped back and sighed, “You’re being such a pain right now! You said you were willing to do this!”

“Uh, that was before I knew you were going to come at me with torture devices!”

You tossed the curler onto your vanity, “Fine. We’ll skip that and go to the mascara. I’m going to coat your lashes in black liquid to make them look more full. Are you going to freak out?”

“Maybe...” Poe muttered.

“Poe!”

“Okay! I’m good!” 

You picked up the mascara and opened it to reveal a tiny brush, “Look up.” Poe did so and he felt you brush the mascara tip along his lashes, slightly tugging them. Once you were done with one, you moved onto the other. Poe snuck glances at you every once in a while. Your face was so close to his and you looked so concentrated. You were perfect in his eyes.

“Alright! You can look!”

Poe turned and his eyes widened, “Woah! They definitely look long and thick,” He wiggled his eyebrows and you scoffed. He giggled and turned back to you, “Now what?”

“Now, I’m going to put some highlight on your face?”

“What’s it for?”

“To emphasize you features. It’s the latest craze.”

Poe nodded, “Alright. Highlight me!”

You giggled and picked up your brush and highlight. You dabbed the brush in the powder and slid the brush along his cheek bones, “Oh my God. You’re looking amazing and I hate you for it.” You moved to his other cheek and repeated the process. You groaned, “This isn’t fair!” You then applied some highlight on the bridge of his nose and the tip. You stepped back and frowned.

“What’s wrong, princess?” 

“You’re prettier than me.” You mumbled.

Poe laughed and faced the mirror. He moved his head side to side getting different angles, “Wow. That really pops. I like it!”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to use highlight now.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want you looking better than me!”

Poe stood up and hugged you, “Aaawww, it’s okay Y/N. Not everyone can look this good.”

You pushed him away and flicked his ear and he yelped, “You’re such a nuisance! Take all that off now!”

“What? Whyyyyy?”

“Because now we’re doing cleansing products.”

Poe frowned, “Okaaaay. Wait, how do I take the la-what the hell?!” Poe stared at you and looked at your hand where you were holding one eyelash, “It just comes off like that?!”

“Yup! Now take off the other one and let’s get on to the next products.” You watched Poe as he slowly peeled off the other eyelash. You giggled at his amazed face.

You both now stood in the bathroom and you were holding the camera. Poe’s face was no covered in black stuff, “Okay. What did I just put on my face?”

“It’s a charcol peel off mask. It’s supposed to remove blackheads and whiteheads from your pores.” 

“And how long do I have to wear this for?”

“Until it dries, so about ten minutes?”

“So what do we do in the mean time?”

“Bathroom jam session?” You suggested.

Poe smiled and nodded, “Bathroom jam session.”

You both proceeded to break out into song, the song being “Waving Through a Window” from Dear Evan Hansen. The acoustics of the bathroom made your voices sound more angelic than usual. You sat in the tub filming Poe as he sang, using your hair brush as a microphone. After that song, you sung “Non Stop” singing every part as much as two people can. 

Your phone’s alarm then went off signalling that the ten minutes was up. Poe felt his face and giggled, “It feels funny. I also can barely move my face.”

“Yeeeaah. That happens.”

“So what do I do now?”

“You peel it off.” You say nonchalantly.

“Oh! Okay!” Poe started to pick at the edge of the mask on his cheek. As he began to pull he hissed, “Ow! This hurts! What the hell?! Y/N!”

“You got this, buddy. Come on! Keep on going.”

Poe pulled more and he stopped, “Y/N! It huuuurts!”

You laughed, “Suck it up! You got a long way to go!”

“I don’t like this! I hate you for making me do this! You just like to see me in pain.”

You shrugged, “Maybe a little.” You then set your camera on the counter and angled it so it captured you and Poe, “You gotta be quick.” You started pulling off the mask in a quick motion and Poe cried out.

“Ow ow ow ow! Y/N!”

You laughed again, “Sorry! It’s like a bandaid!” With a few more quick tugs the black mask was off him. 

Poe moved his face around and rubbed his skin, “That thing is evil. You’re evil for making me do that! Never again!”

“Beauty is pain, my dear friend.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m naturally beautiful.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved him. You then picked up the camera, “Alright guys! That’s all for today! Thanks for watching! If you liked this video, give it a thumbs up and don’t forget to subscribe! Rebel-Rousers over and out!”

“I HATE YOU, Y/N!” yelled Poe off-camera making you laugh. You ended the recording and walked to your bed wear Poe was laying down. He kept rubbing his face, “...my face feels smooth.”

“See!”

“Still not doing that again though.”

You grunted as you laid beside Poe, “Whatever, Poe. You big baby.”

[wanderingaunt]

No One Deserves to Disappear

No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away. No one should come and go. And have no one know s/he was ever even here. No one deserves to disappear.

At the beginning of summer, I took a road trip from Dallas to Colorado. I queued up various audiobooks, podcasts, and music to listen to. I got on a Musical kick and listened to some of my favorites (Hamilton, Wicked, Waitress) and some others I hadn’t listened to in full. In the midst of my shuffle, the song “You Will Be Found” came on from the musical Dear Evan Hansen. I had never listened to the soundtrack before and wasn’t familiar with the story. I queued it up and immediately was hooked. I listened to the soundtrack and got a sense of the storyline.

Dear Evan Hansen tells the story of a young man with social anxiety disorder who so yearns to make a connection with his peers that he fabricates a relationship with a deceased student (Connor) to become closer to the boy's family. After Connor commits suicide, shy Evan Hansen finds himself at the center of the tragedy and turmoil. [Source: Stageagent]

The musical is full of emotion and hard truths about being in the shadows and not feeling seen.

There are two songs in particular that struck a chord with me: “Disappear” and “You Will Be Found”. It was a particular time in my journey where I was feeling extremely emotional and lost. I was dealing with my own grief from losing my cousin to cancer, recovering from a breakup, and shedding layers of myself that I’ve been holding onto. I was also processing all of the turmoil happening in this country (and the world) with the pandemic, upcoming election, protests, and heightened discussions of systemic racism after the news that three more Black lives were tragically taken—Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd.

The combination of all of this caused my nervous system to go into overload and an emotional breakdown to ensue. I allowed myself to come undone and feel. I chose to go inward and take a break from social media. I needed to take time for my own reflection on white privilege and racism without the influence of the social media world. I also wanted to take time to have conversations with people in my life about racism and white privilege, and understand how they view it from their lens. I started having Authentic Conversations with People of Color to allow their voices to be heard. I also had the opportunity to hear Black women vulnerably share their hearts and fears while attending various workshops and open forums about dismantling racism.

It’s been a time to listen to understand rather than listen to respond.

I was recently struck by the sharing of a Black woman. She mentioned how she lives in constant fear over her husband or sons being out; the fear that they could be the next Ahmaud Arbery (who was innocently shot by white men while out jogging). I listened as she shared her fears, which are of legitimate concern. She looked at the group of white women and said, “You can’t imagine what it’s like to carry this constant weight.” After she finished sharing, I thanked her and validated her fears. I told her, “No, I can’t imagine what it’s like. I can’t imagine what it’s like to live in a world where your voice and your family’s voice don’t matter. I am so sorry that you experience this on a regular basis.”

I believe at the core of being human, we all want to be seen and heard.

It’s scary to be vulnerable and share your fears, concerns, and heart with other people—especially people who don’t have the same skin color as you. And not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. This is why it’s so important to create safe environments where authentic conversations can be had; to create a space where others trust that you are truly listening to what they have to say, and to create a space where the person sharing feels they matter and are fully seen.

No one deserves to disappear.

When I returned from Colorado, I was listening to Dear Evan Hansen again and was struck with a new interpretation of the song ‘Disappear’. In the song, Connor (the character who takes his life) is singing about keeping his memory alive and not allowing his name to disappear. The lyrics stuck with me and made me think of Breonna Taylor whose life was tragically taken in the comfort of her own home.

Breonna was shot more than 8 times by police officers Jon Mattingly, Brett Hankison, and Myles Cosgrove — none of whom have been charged for her murder. They went to the wrong apartment and took another innocent Black woman’s life.

#SayHerName

“If you can somehow keep them thinking of me, And make me more than an abandoned memory. That means we matter too. It means someone will see that you are there.”

— Disappear, Dear Evan Hansen

The August edition of O Magazine features Breonna Taylor on the cover. This is the first time in the history of O Magazine that Oprah has not graced its cover. Oprah gave up the cover to shine the spotlight on Breonna Taylor to share her story and raise awareness for others to #SayHerName. Vanity Fair is also following suit and featuring an edition by author and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates to ensure that Breonna’s story does not disappear—and that justice is served.

The #SayHerName campaign launched in December 2014 by the African American Policy Forum (AAPF) and Center for Intersectionality and Social Policy Studies (CISPS), the #SayHerName campaign brings awareness to the often invisible names and stories of Black women and girls who have been victimized by racist police violence and provides support to their families. [source: AAPF]

The #SayHerName campaign is an incredible organization and cause to ensure that the names of the Black women who have died at the hands of police don’t disappear. It’s a space for Mothers who have lost their Daughters to lean on and support each other and let them know that they are not alone. It’s a safe space for these women to connect with one another to be seen and heard in a way that others simply can’t for them. And it’s a space for the names and stories of those women who were killed to be remembered and not become an abandoned memory.

No one deserves to be forgotten. No one deserves to fade away. No one should come and go. And have no one know s/he was ever even here. No one deserves to disappear.

When I was researching information for this blog, I noticed that the producers of Dear Evan Hansen had put out a statement about their stand against Racial Injustice in the world and in the Broadway sector as well as donated $100,000 to the Broadway Advocacy Coalition and Colors of Change. I could see that I was not alone in connecting the essence of these songs to Black Lives Matter.

Songs have a powerful way of connecting us to things that matter. While my love for musicals and music is great, it’s the words within the heartbeat of the song that connects me to the bigger picture. Even though this musical is about something completely unrelated to Breonna Taylor, #SayHerName, and Black Lives Matter, it caused me to connect its essence to these causes.

As we continue to navigate conversations and take inspired, radical actions around dismantling racism, I invite you to find your voice. For some of you, that may be going out on the front lines and being among the protests or providing resources for those fighting; some of you may be having difficult conversations with family and friends about racism and white privilege; some of you are providing safe spaces for men and women of color to be seen and heard; some of you are doing your own internal work to presence yourself to your own white privilege and race story; and some of you are using your voice as a writer to share wisdom, knowledge, and insight. There is no one size fits all. What matters is we each find our voice and use it for good.

"We have to decide it’s our problem not someone else’s problem. We have to take action and not just surface action to look good. Take action that creates and empowers change. "  -- Rachel Rodgers

Resources mentioned in this post:

Dear Evan Hansen Broadway Musical

O Magazine: Why Oprah Gave Up Her Cover for the First Time Ever to Honor Breonna Taylor

LA Times: Breonna Taylor appears on cover of Vanity Fair issue edited by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Vanity Fair: The Life Breonna Taylor Lived, In the Words of Her Mother

Vanity Fair: The Great Fire Issue Guest Edited by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Breonna Taylor Portrait Painted by Artist, Amy Sherald

#SayHerName Campaign: The African American Policy Forum (AAPF)

Broadway Advocacy Coalition

Colors of Change

Black Lives Matter

If you’re interested in holding a safe space for the women in your life to be seen, heard, and held, host a Girl’s Night Inward. These virtual gatherings are a beautiful way to hold space for other women in the comfort of your own homes. Reach out to see how a Girl’s Night Inward can create a space for all to share their voice and receive messages of inspiration and hope.