#obi-wan sees anakin in this and is :^| on the outside and stick figure violence on the inside

[unspuncreature]

anakin in lingerie WIP

[obiwanobi]

Catch me thinking about sith Anakin who got in a fight w/ Palps (did Palps cross a line? Did Anakin decide he had nothing to lose? Idk), barely managed to win and is now seriously hurting and a little freaked out winding up outside Obi-wan's quarters and Obi-wan doesn't have time to draw his saber let alone figure out how a sith lord managed to get so far into the jedi temple unnoticed and Force is that blood? before Anakin's passing out with only a murmered request for help.

LISTEN you can’t keep sending me perfect prompts, how do you know I can’t resist bloody men on their knees begging for salvation, how do you know me so well??? anyway here’s 2.3k of always-a-sith!Anakin who could have been the new ruler of the empire but said ‘no thanks, this is too much responsibility, I would like to be pampered by my favourite jedi now’ (with a bit of Ahsoka as Obi-Wan’s padawan!)

 He didn’t mean to kill him.

Well, not at first.

He didn’t mean to kill Sidious, but pulling his lightsaber from his lifeless corpse only felt like complete satisfaction. A weight on his shoulders he didn't know he carried disappeared, letting him stand up above the body of his master— former master, and gaze upon what was left of him. A shapeless form on the ground. A dark cape around an old man playing at being a god. A begging mess of futile promises when he realised it was the end for him.  

As mindless fury leaves him, his ragged breathing slows down and his fist unclenches around his saber. Sidious is dead. Now that the adrenaline rush is gone, his knees start shaking. His Master is dead. His face is wet with sweat and blood and tears. Dead and now Anakin has no one.

And then...  And then fear.

"You know," Ahsoka groans as the water starts boiling, "I don't understand how you got your reputation of Cool Jedi Master. Other padawans think I'm lying when I tell them you wear the ugliest slippers at home and gets excited by new tisanes."

"You gifted me those slippers."

"As a joke. And you still wear them."

"I'm not going to throw away perfectly good slippers." Obi-Wan wiggles his toes under the red and yellow fuzzy monstrosities, just to see his padawan rolls her eyes. "And they're really comfortable."

"So you're just going to stay there, then? Your whole battalion is out celebrating our first day of leave since forever, but you prefer to drink your tea alone and go to bed at 22:00?"

"No one wants an authority figure around when they're letting loose and celebrating, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan says, pouring hot water in his cup. He raises the kettle towards his padawan as a question, to which she shakes her head. "I thought you would be happy to see me putting sleep before work for once."

"I am, Master, but I thought it could be..." She trails off, fidgeting with the hilt of her sabers. For once, she looks like a typical padawan, just like he was at her age, dying to enjoy one night away from the temple and any kind of responsibilities.

"It's alright my dear," he sighs, "you can join them if you want."

Ahsoka suddenly perks up. "I can?"

"If you're old enough to be sent to the front, I think you can handle yourself for one night on Coruscant."

"Thank you Master! I promise I'll be careful and not come back too late!"

"You do that, and-- wait, Ahsoka," he adds as she's already halfway through the door, "make sure to stay around Cody! And no alcohol of any kind! And don't lose your lightsaber at sabacc again!"

"That was you!" she yells from the end of the corridor, "don't worry, I'll be fine! Don't wait for me to go to bed! Goodnight Master!"

Obi-Wan smiles, blowing on his cup. He already sent a message to Cody earlier to keep an eye on her, so he knows she's in good hands.

He has his herbal tea, his ugly slippers, no reports to read or write, and no immediate Separatist menace to plan for. For once, a perfectly good night to catch up on sleep and meditation.

So, of course, something has to be wrong.

The Force is bright. The Force is lighter than it has ever been for the past few years.

And Obi-Wan can't understand why.  

It's not just him that can feel it: Ahsoka has acted chipper since, more like the teenager she is, laughing with the clones and playfully teasing him the whole fly back to Coruscant. The temple has felt livelier than ever when they arrived, Jedi from all ages going about their day with a new spring in their step, greeting each other warmly in the corridors. Even Master Yoda has taken a few minutes during their Council meeting to note the shift in the Force. No Master could pinpoint the origin of this change, but all agreed that something good happened somewhere in the galaxy, and they were just feeling ripples of the effect in the Force.

Still now, the whole temple feels a bit more like it used to, before the war, and all Jedi are a bit happier without knowing why.

Only Obi-Wan feels like a noose tightening around him. Whatever it is, it's slowing making its way around his presence in the Force. Focusing on him and him alone. Doesn't matter how much Obi-Wan tries to hide himself, it's getting closer and never slowing down or losing interest.

Needless to say, Obi-Wan has a bad feeling about this.

But after almost three years of war, sullen faces and grim expressions, he doesn't feel like dampening the sudden good mood around the Temple just with a few words. He can probably deal with whatever it is by himself.

His tisane is cold when he finally emerges from his meditation. Nothing is clearer than when he started: the Force is deaf to his questions and inquiries, still light as a breeze. An airy unconcern for his restlessness. And yet, a thick pressure still looms around him, getting heavier each passing second now.

His fingers start pulling on his collar.

The clock on the wall indicates that he lied to Ahsoka when he said he was going to bed at a respectable time today. No diurnal Jedi would still be up right now, but he still considers going out to knock at Mace's door. Narrowed eyes and a very long sigh will be his first answer, but Obi-Wan knows that Mace would never refuse to hear him out. Yes, he finally decides when the pressure seems to creep even closer to him, it's worth waking up Mace.

He opens his door, wondering if he should take his robe with him, and instantly stops walking.

There, in the empty corridor of the Jedi Temple, at his door and on his knees, is a Sith. He knows it's a Sith only because he recognises this specific mass of hair, the large shoulders, the dishevelled dark robe. He knows it's a Sith because he has crossed path with this one enough times on the battlefield to recognise him anywhere. Outside of it a few times too. He isn't sure it's a Sith when the Sith raises his head up, bloody and bruised face torn in an agonizing expression, and his eyes are blue.

"I— I didn't know where to go," Darth Vader says quietly, with the kind of voice expected from a lost child. It gives Obi-Wan a second shock to hear his voice, making his presence suddenly real. "You said... You said if I ever wanted to, if I needed help one day, you would— I could—"

Obi-Wan remembers it. He remembers all the times he offered his help. His pleas for him to stop the violence, the appeals to reason, the multiple suggestions of a gentler path. His hand continuously outreached but never taken. He remembers the burning gold of the Sith's eyes too, and his black cape floating above the dead clones at his feet.

His laughter the first time Obi-Wan brought up the idea of lowering their blades and talking around a cup of tea. His sneer the third time Obi-Wan tried to change his misconceptions about the Jedi Order and play-flirt with him in the same breath. The silence the fifth time Obi-Wan asked him his name, his real name, the one a parent gave him.

The tears the last time he gave it to him.

"And you're always trying to save me," Vader adds more forcefully now, like the words anger him, "you're always here, showing up almost every time I'm sent somewhere with your stupid smile and stupid words, and you're always nice, and... and teasing, and disappointed when I kill someone, like you expect me to be better, and I don't understand you, but..."

Vader raises his hand towards him, and it's only this sudden move that shakes Obi-Wan out of his stupor. Before the Sith can touch his leg, Obi-Wan calls his lightsaber to him, ignites it in one fluid motion, half-expecting Vader to be up and swaying his saber in his face by now. But the Sith is still on his knees, and it's only now that the blue light of his blade is above him that Obi-Wan realises the state he's in. His face isn't the only thing bruised and battered: his dark tunic is stained with blood and ripped in more than one place, one of his arms is bent in an unnatural way, and it looks like a cut above his hairline is still bleeding, making his curls stick to his face in a mess of wet hair and burned skin.

"Vader," Obi-Wan says slowly, when his thoughts finally regain a semblance of coherence. A rapid investigation through the Force assures him that no other enemy is around and the calm and quiet of the night in the Temple isn't a prequel for a storm. "How did you get in here? What are you doing here? How—"

Vader's hand, stuck in the space between them, reaches once again for Obi-Wan. Foolishly, Obi-Wan lets him. His fingers twist themselves in the fabric of his pants.

"He made me killed them all.” Vader wobbles on his knees for a second, the hand on Obi-Wan's leg gripping it tighter. “No platoons, no battle droids. Just me. He sent me to the power station and I cut through them so easily, so quickly, they didn't even fight back, and I didn't think that..." he trails off, panting. "Until.... until I saw the electro-whips." 

"Are you talking about Naphtla?" he asks when Vader doesn't seem to be able to continue.

Naphtla. Outer Rim. Barely on the Republic radar until this afternoon, when nearby troops answered a distress signal and found a hidden Separatist power station operated by slaves. A third of them were dead, killed only a few hours before, and the survivors turned to the Republic for immediate support. Slaughtered like animals, the rescue team reported to the Council only a few hours ago, by one single man wielding a red lightsaber. According to witnesses, the darksider cut through the slaves like bantha butter, killing everyone in his path without discrimination, until he stopped for no apparent reason and abruptly left.

"You were the one who killed the people at the station there," Obi-Wan realises out loud, horrified, "the slaves from Zygerria."

Vader snaps his head up and his fingers tighten painfully around Obi-Wan's knee. "I DIDN'T KNOW!"

All Obi-Wan's senses and logical thoughts urge him to back out, put an end to this nonsensical charade, raise his lightsaber between them, get away from the dark, hungry void Vader generates in the Force.

But his eyes are looking up to him. Gripping his gaze with the same intensity as his hand on his leg. Bloodied face and pleading, on his knees. Full of tears.

Obi-Wan doesn't push Vader's hand away.

"I didn't know they were slaves, I didn't!"

"Vader."

"He never said! He sent me without telling him, he knows I don't—" A small noise sounding suspiciously like a sob swallows the rest of his words.

"Vader, who sent—"

"When I came back," he tries again, quieter. Obi-Wan opens his mouth to ask about this he, but Vader's head lolls for a second, too heavy to support, before butting gently against Obi-Wan's leg. Vader makes no effort to move, content to stay there, and after a second, a small, almost timid nuzzle against his thigh sends a series of shivers through Obi-Wan's spine. It shuts him up instantly. "When I came back, he looked at me for so, so long, before saying that he knew, he knew I was going to fail, that I was... just like them after all, and that I could never... And I was so mad, so angry at him, so I... I..."

The last words are muffled by the fabric Vader clings to. Hides into. There's blood on Obi-Wan's pants now.

"What have you done, Vader?" Obi-Wan asks, softer than he intended. "Vader," he asks again when no reply comes, without success. The hand not holding his lightsaber moves, hesitates for a moment, then settles lightly on Vader's hair, mindful not to touch any open wounds. His fingers nudge him to tip his head back, gently, carefully, and settle on his cheek to hold his face up, looking at him. "Anakin." His name, his true name, makes him blink a few times. "Anakin, what have you done?"

"I killed him," he finally admits, barely audible. He looks exhausted, more like a child in need of rest than ever.

"Who did you kill?"

"My master."

"Dooku? You killed Dooku?"

"No," Vader— Anakin frowns, like Obi-Wan should know better. "Sidious."

It's a bit much to process in one day. Another Sith Lord, Vader's master, concealed and kept a secret, now dead, killed by his apprentice —and does that make Vader the ruling Sith Lord now? Do Sith have rulers?— the lightness in the Force the same day, a half-dead Vader begging for help in the middle of the night in the Jedi Temple, and all of that while Obi-Wan is still wearing his ugly slippers.

He's so glad he sent Ahsoka away for the night.

Anakin doesn't let him time to feel the migraine coming.

"I can't do it, I can't be my master, I can't— and Dooku hates me, he will never help me, even if I let him have it all, he will never..." Vader seems to run out of steam, and lets his eyes close as his head falls once again against Obi-Wan's thigh. Closer. "You said you could help me. You said I could come to you at any time. You said you would always be there if I didn't want to... do this, anymore."

"I did," Obi-Wan assures him, his hand lightly petting his hair again.

Anakin lets out a long breath. His fingers tighten on the fabric of Obi-Wan's pants, loosen, and tighten again.

"You're the only one I trust," the Sith quietly tells the Jedi, and it's the saddest thing Obi-Wan has ever heard.

[fangirl-inthe-us]

Before The Purge Chpt. 1

Gif not mine

Summary: The clone wars are getting worse and the High Jedi Council is struggling to provide Jedi to lead the clones into battle. What better way to get more Jedi than to lower the age limit. The now eligible padawans have to experience the Jedi trials before they are knighted and can help in the clone wars. Follow the reader as she, Ahsoka Tano, and Cal Kestis are thrown into the Jedi trials.

Author’s Note: OMG OMG OMG!!!! Okay, this is my baby. I came up with this idea one sleepless night and here I am presenting it! I freaking love Ahsoka Tano and I obviously love Cal! I wanted to know what would happen if I threw them into a room together and this is the result. (I also want to comment I made up a planet for a joke. Otherwise, I tried to mention pre-existing planets.) Alright, Enjoy!

Pairing: (Eventual) Cal Kestis x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence, extreme sass, maybe swearing? Idk i can’t remember, also my grammar.

 Word Count: 4.2k

Chapters: Chapter 1

Masterlist

"Okay, but I specifically remember Wovi being on the outskirts of the galaxy." I currently was in a debate with Ahsoka. We were on our way to the Jedi temple's Library to settle the matter. "Well, you just happen to remember wrong. My master told me that it was closer to the two suns. And if you can recollect, their locations are in the middle of the galaxy." "If you paid attention, Master Obi-Wan said that Master Anakin didn't do well on his studies. It's possible, Ahsoka, that both of you are wrong and I am right." Ahsoka was about to speak when her comlink started beeping. We both look at each other with raised eyebrows. That was odd. Our masters told us that we got the day off. They both had to go to a council meeting. It was supposedly super important and they couldn't miss it. So, they basically told us that we had the day off The weird thing about the council meeting was that they invited Jedi masters who weren't even on the council. One particular Master that stood out was Master Jaro Tapal. Along with Tapal, his padawan didn't go unnoticed. His fiery red hair made him stick out like a sore thumb. "Ahsoka?" Master Anakin spoke. "Yes, master?" The togruta answered. "We need you up here," "Alright, I'm on my way," "Little Soka?" Master Plo's voice came through. "Yes?" "Is my padawan with you?" "Yes, master?" I made my presence known. "We need you as well," "Okay, Ahsoka and I will be there ASAP." With that, Ahsoka was ending the call and we were moving. The halls around us were large and winding. Thankfully, the two of us had been in the council room several times. Mostly because of our masters. Because of this, the two of us easily found the path leading to the room. "What do you think they need us for? This is unusual. And I have a feeling that all padawans have been called. Okay, maybe not all of them but it looks like a lot of the older ones have been called,"         "I don't know. Do you think-" Ahsoka paused. Her mouth formed a tight line and her brows were drawn, "Do you this could be for the Jedi trials?" "It would make a lot of sense. Yet again, not really. I'm eighteen and you're two years younger than me. Eighteen is pretty young to become a Jedi. Whatever it is, let's try not to get our hopes up," As Ahsoka and I were talking I noticed a certain redhead walking in the same direction we were. "Look who it is," I nodded my head towards the ginger. Ahsoka looked where I indicated, "I wonder if he's going to the same place as us," "It sure looks like it." Ahsoka cupped her hands around her mouth, "Hey, Gingey!" The guy stopped midstep. He looked around until his eyes landed on Ahsoka and me. His eyes widened when Ahsoka motioned to him. Realizing we called for him, the boy walked to our position. "Um, uh." He cleared his throat. "You guys called?" "Are you heading up to the council room?" "Yeah, are you?" "Yup, our masters called for us," I butted in as I wrapped my arm around Ahsoka's shoulders. "Cool," "Anyway, since you're going to the same place, you might as well walk with us. We know a quicker way up." Ahsoka sent a wink towards the redhead.         "Gosh! We didn't introduce ourselves! I'm Y/N. This one here is Ahsoka," I jabbed my thumb in her direction.         "Nice to meet you. I'm Cal,"         "Nice to meet you too, Cal."         Using our shortcut, we made it quickly to the council room. Cal seemed a little out of place. That could be because he and his master rarely ever came to the Jedi temple.         He told Ahsoka and me about how they, for most of his training, had been placed on a Jedi Cruiser. They were just outside Bracca. A mission was given to his master which caused his odd training.         After our little conversation, we found Master Anakin and Master Plo waiting outside the doors. They were quietly chatting with each other. Before we reached the two Jedi, Master Obi-Wan walked out the doors and stopped next to them.         "Nice of you all to join us. Cal, your master is inside," Master Obi-Wan spoke as we approached them. He then motioned for us to follow.         "What are we doing here, Master?" I looked up at Master Plo with a questioning eye.         "Do not worry yourself with the matter. You will soon find out."         Other padawans and their masters still had to make their way here. When we had entered the room, Master Plo didn't move to look at me. He stood in front of a window and just stared out.         "Okay… is it alright if I go talk with Ahsoka?"         "You may do what you please,"         "Thank you."         After talking with Master Plo, I moved to where I saw Ahsoka. She was whispering with her master. I raised my eyebrow. What were those two up to now?         Everyone knew that those two were the biggest troublemakers in all of the Jedi temple. Master Plo sure thinks that Ahsoka is influencing me. And it wasn't for the better.         "Does anyone need to be concerned as to what you two are doing?"         "Now, Y/N what would ever lead you to that conclusion?" Master Anakin flashed me a knowing look.         "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that you two will disappear for long amounts of time? Only for you to reappear with a problem that the council has to clean up?"         "Snips? Do we cause that kind of trouble?"         "I hate to admit it but we kinda do." Ahsoka turned to me, "In our defense, it usually ends up being a great lesson,"         "That may be but you do tend to create a sizable mess," Obi-Wan joined our conversation. "Now Obi-Wan, you have to admit that Ahsoka has gotten some pretty good experiences from the situations we've put ourselves in," "I would hardly call it valuable experiences," "And why do you say that?" "Seeing how you're usually the ones to get yourselves into those situations, I hardly believe they're great experiences. You're teaching her to purposely put herself into bad situations to solve the problem." As the two Masters bickered, Ahsoka and I tuned the two out and rolled our eyes. They do this all the time. We have just learned to tune them out and carry on with whatever we were doing.         Ahsoka and I looked around the room. Within the time that we have been talking a great amount of Jedi had walked into the room. The room was filling up. I knew that this was pretty a good sign to go back to Master Plo. Indicating that I was leaving, I quickly waved to Ahsoka and moved to where my master was standing.         Upon reaching my Master, I noticed that a certain redhead was standing next to his Master. The Lasat Master was talking with my Master. When I reached his side, I got a brisk head nod from him.         My eyes moved to Cal. He was looking around the room which I thought was a bit rude. I then figured maybe he hadn't seen me walk over here.         I eyed Cal while he was examining the room. I had to look up at him since he was taller than me. Even if it only was by a few inches. Cal was thin but he had a muscular build that evened him out. His angular face caught my eyes. I noticed how defined his jawline was. Examining further, I could see how his green eyes shined in the light. He was attractive. If it wasn't for the Jedi code, I might've considered him a potential bachelor.      He watched his master with wide eyes and a proud smile. It was almost like he hung on every word that his master had to say. It was absolutely adorable.      "Do you have any idea why we're here?" Cal looked at me expectantly.       A warmth spread across my face. I hadn't noticed that Cal had turned to me. The thought that he caught me staring at him was utterly embarrassing. I quickly thought of an answer to his question.       "N-no. I have no idea. Ahsoka and I didn't even know that we were going to get called up. We thought we had the day off,"        "And you believed that? Since when do padawans have the day off? A day off means you've got a day of studying,"        "Wishful thinking I guess," Cal and I sighed.         "Y/N," Master Plo grabbed my attention.         "Yes, master?"         "I was just telling Master Jaro Tapal about the battle on Geonosis,"         "That was quite a feat Padawan. You could teach a thing or two to Cal," Tapal flashed a smirk at Cal.          "Come on, Master. I'm getting better,"         "That you are my young padawan. Cal has been excelling in our sessions. Even with all my teasing, he is becoming quite the Jedi."         With his chest puffed out and chin up, Cal smiled brightly. I'm assuming praise was rare. Or maybe not. I get it all the time and it still makes me feel I accomplished a great heroic deed. I guess we're just that hard on ourselves.         "You mentioned that he has an ability?" Master Plo questioned.         "Yes, he's got psychometry abilities. When he first got it, the boy was quite overwhelmed. Over time, Cal has learned how to use it."         Just then, Master Yoda walked into the room. Following him, was the rest of the High Jedi Council.         "Here, for a reason, you are. Ready for the Jedi Trials, you all are."         "What Master Yoda is trying to say is that we've brought you all here because we believe you are ready to go through the trials." Master Anakin spoke up.         My eyes widened. Ahsoka and I were only kidding. I didn't believe that I was even remotely ready. I had so much more to learn before I was thrust into a world that was only meant to test me.         Around me, there were several members. Other padawans looked towards their masters. They too were in the same amount of shock. Their masters made an effort to calm their padawans.         I flicked my eyes over to Ahsoka. Her brows were furrowed and her narrowed eyes looked toward her master. She found no answer as Master Anakin stepped up again.         "We are taking you to a special planet. This has never been done before. Each of you will be split up into groups of three. This is to ensure that there won't be any standstills." Master Anakin paused, "The trials are there to test you and your skills. There are five trials. Trials of skill, courage, flesh, spirit, and insight. There is no telling what these may be. Each trial is different for each Jedi. These trials were made to test you. This means we'll have minimal contact with you. You all will be provided with a single comlink. Beyond that, you are on your own."         After speaking, Anakin walked back to his padawan. I watched as she attacked him with millions of questions. The two were whispering which made it impossible for me to hear what they were saying.         Moving my attention elsewhere, I looked to my master. I raised an eyebrow. The only thing I got from him was a head nod. With that nod, I got so much information. That was his way of saying I was ready. He believed I had the skills to complete my training.         This did confuse me a little. A padawan is promoted to Jedi Knight after completing the trials, yes. But the padawan is usually closer to the age of twenty-three. I am only eighteen.         The more I thought about it the more I debated whether I was ready or not. I had learned a lot. I trusted my master. Yet, I had my doubts.         I don't like confrontation. Yes, I know. I'm a Jedi and I don't like confrontation. Master Plo always made an effort to emphasize on the importance of negotiation. I took that to heart. I would much rather negotiate than duel it out. I'm insecure about my saber skills. I fumble a lot and I tend to leave openings in my guard.         Then there's my age. I thought I would have a few more years to learn. I believed that Master Plo would help me with my guard and reassure me of my fighting skills. Eighteen is young. Though, we are in the clone wars.         Every Jedi is a general in the war. They need more of us so we can help. I guess lowering the age limit isn't too crazy. And it's only lowered by a few years. If our masters truly believed we were somewhat ready then, I guess the council wouldn't be as hesitant to knight us.         A tap on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. Looking up, I saw Master Plo tip his head forward. Master Mace Windu stepped up.         "I am going to begin to call out names. This is who you will be grouped with." He stood in the middle with his hands behind his back. He must have had the lists memorized.         As I listened, I heard recognizable names. Barriss Offee, Nahdar Vebb, and Caleb Dume. Barriss Offee is friends with Ahsoka, Nahdar was chosen to be a padawan on the same day as I was, and Caleb, with his master, helped Master Plo and me on a mission.         "Ahsoka Tano, Cal Kestis, and Y/N Y/L/N." My heart rate picked up.         I looked toward Ahsoka and her body was lax and she had a huge smile on her face. She seemed relieved that we were put together. Moving my gaze, I regarded Cal. He had a small smile on his face. I guess he was relieved as well. Master Mace Windu rattled off a few names. There turned out to be a total of eight groups.         "Now, that you all are sorted into your groups, I will begin to explain a few more details. The twenty-four of you will be sent to the planet. Each of your groups will be spaced far away from each other. You shouldn't run into each other. If at anytime that you need instruction or someone is wounded, you will have a comlink to contact your masters. Does anyone have any questions?"         Barriss Offee raised her hand. "Besides the comlink, is there any other help we will get from you? For example, will there be a food and water source provided?"         "No, that is for you and your group to provide. I would suggest looking into some information on surviving in the wild before you leave. I will inform you, there will be a mission given to your group. You will have to complete it by the end of your trials. You will be briefed after the trials are finished."         Another padawan raises their hand, "When do we leave, Master?"         "You all will leave tomorrow morning. You will be on a planet with little to no contact with us. Please be smart and brush up on your survival skills." Master Windu paused for a few moments.         When nobody spoke, he dismissed us all. Most of the padawans congregated together in their groups. I watched as their masters gravitated toward each other as well. As they walked out of the room, both padawans and Masters talked amongst each other.         Master Anakin and Ahsoka approached us. To my left was Master Tapal who was talking to Master Plo. Cal stood next to me. When they reached us, Anakin went to speak with our masters while Ahsoka joined us.         "So, that just happened." Cal let out.         "I called it! You doubted it but I totally guessed it!"         "Okay, okay. No need to rub it in," I watched as Ahsoka rolled her eyes at me, "On the bright side, we've been paired up together."         "Yeah," Cal breathed, "I'm glad I'm with you two. There's just something about being in another group that doesn't feel right."         "Psychometry?" I questioned as Cal let out a chuckle.         "No, just a gut feeling."         "Wait," Ahsoka barged in, "He has a psychometry ability? Where was I when you learned this?"         "You were with your master. It was right before the trials were announced."         "And you didn't think to tell me about it when I got here?"         "You just got here. We would've eventually gotten to it. Especially since we have literally no time to do anything but reading and talking."         "How about we go to the library and do a little research? I don't know about you guys but I'm not willing to trust my lack of edible plant knowledge."         Ahsoka and I stopped bickering. Cal had a good point and we do only have the night to really prepare. We were making our way out when I was called.         "Y/N," Master Plo stood with the other Masters.         I told the group to wait up. I jogged over to my master. When I stopped, I was standing next to him.         "You called?"         "You'll meet us in the hangar in the morning. I will be expecting you there at a decent time. We leave pretty early." With that Master Plo dismissed me.         Before I could actually make my way back to my friends, Master Anakin spoke up. "If you could pass that information onto our padawans," He motioned to Master Tapal, "We'd be very grateful." I gave him a nod. Back with the group, I motioned them to lead the way. Cal took the lead. Ahsoka and I eventually had to take over. Poor Cal still had no idea where we were going.

(:)

"So, from what I can remember, water is the number one priority. Then it's shelter, finally food. Since Cal and I are human we can go for about three weeks without food but only three days without water." I looked up only to see Cal paying attention to me.         Ahsoka was nowhere to be found. I raised my eyebrow. Where did the little togruta go? Suddenly, an exclamation was made by her. "Aw, man! You were right. Wovi is on the outskirts." Ahsoka came out of an aisle holding a holobook.         "Are you really looking that up right now?"         "I am so lost. Did I miss something." Cal's eyes flicked between me and Ahsoka.         "We were in a debate over this planet's location before the council meeting. I just wanted to settle the matter." Ahsoka then turned to me, "I figured while we're here I might as well look."         "But did you factor in that we literally have," My eye scanned a nearby clock, "Sixteen hours until we leave?"         "Oh, what're five minutes."         "I don't know. Maybe five minutes too late out on the planet. Maybe my head gets eaten all because you weren't reading a book on fighting strategies."         "Calm down, it's not like I'm going to fully understand a new fighting tactic by just reading for five minutes. Plus, shouldn't we be reading about how to build a shelter out of nothing? Or maybe what is safe to eat and what isn't?"         "Cal's got the food thing and I'm reading on how to fight off certain creatures. If you want to, you can find a holobook on how to build a structure with minimal supplies."         "Okay, okay. I'll go look."         Ahsoka walked back into the aisle that she was previously in. Putting the holobook back, she walked off to go find another, useful book. With a shake of my head, I moved my gaze to the book in my hands.         "I'm guessing you've got a lot of history?"         Putting the book back, I smiled at Cal. "Oh, yeah. She was found by my master and they've had this bond thing. I met her through Master Plo. Since then, we've been attached by the hip."         "Must be nice to have that." This brought a frown to both of our faces.         "Hey, I didn't mean-"         "You're good. It's not your fault. It's nice that our situation has given me the possibility of a great friendship. I know we're not the bestest of friends at the moment but I do feel like we've all connected."         "Totally," Ahsoka spoke as she sat down. In her hands were several holobooks.         We chatted for a few more minutes. It was small talk with the occasional joke thrown in. Eventually, we had to stop. Smiling, we all focused on the holobooks in front of us.         The book I was currently reading gave great detail on how to take down certain alien creatures. The Nydak is a creature that is quite aggressive. If you parry their attacks and get a couple of good hits on it, the beast will easily be defeated. As for the Jotaz, they have wide swing attacks. These are mostly unparriable. If you can manage to parry it you will be able to take the monster down. If not, you can hit the creature from behind to take it down. As the night went on, I read an extraordinary amount of information. It had gotten to me. This was waaaaay too much information for one night. I let out a groan.         "Guys, I don't know about you but I am fried. I have read about how to defeat creatures to what berries are and aren't edible. I'm ready to hit the hay and get some sleep. I don't want to be exhausted on the first day."         "I agree. It's best to be well-rested on a new planet. We need to be awake enough to find our resources." Cal's stare was burning into the ground as he spoke. From the looks of it, he was as tired as I was.         Suddenly, Ahsoka stood up. Without another word, She grabbed some holobooks and walked to the multiple shelves. I followed suit and put my books back. When I had finished, I saw that Ahsoka and Cal were talking amongst themselves.         "Alright, I don't know about you guys, but I'm crashing as soon as I get to my bed." Waving to us, Ahsoka walked out of the library.         As soon as Ahsoka left, Cal and I were making our way out of the library. I waved to Cal and headed to my bedroom. When the door to my room door slid open, I walked inside and flopped on my bed. In a matter of minutes, I was pulled into a much-needed slumber.

(:)

The alarm on my nightstand had me jerking awake. Today was the day. In my sleepy haze, I pulled myself out of bed. My pre-packed bag was resting by the door. The only thing that I needed was to put on some clothes and grab my lightsaber.         Attaching the saber to my side, I grabbed my pack and headed out the door. Remembering what Master Plo told me yesterday, I decided that I had enough time to grab something quick to eat.         My walk, more like a jog, didn't take much time. Looking around, I noticed that most of those in the cafeteria were padawans. They must have been grabbing their breakfast too. There were a few Jedi here and there.         Hopping into line, I grabbed a jogan fruit and some cheese. As I made it out of the cafeteria, I devoured my food. Before I could leave, I heard my name being called.         Turning around, I look for the person in question. My eyes landed on a familiar redhead. A smile formed on my face. Grabbing his food, Cal smiled back. He was then eating as he approached my side. With ease, we both fell into step.         "Are you nervous?" Cal questioned after swallowing his last bite.         "A little bit." That was true. I was feeling an uncomfortable feeling. It was as if my stomach was dropping. I also noticed how my hands were starting to sweat a little, "What about you?"         "Oh, yeah." He breathed out his answer. With his food gone Cal had begun to fidget with his hands. "However, I know we've got this." Puffing out his chest, he dropped his hands and put on a brave face. "Let's go beat these trials." His hands grasped mine. He was then running to the hangers while pulling me with him. I might've blushed a little at the contact.         Just before we could enter the hangar Ahsoka Reached us. Cal dropped his hands. Both our faces were a little red. It could be because of the running, but I had other reasons as to why a sudden rush of blood found my cheeks.         "Look who it is. Did you sleep in or something?" Ahsoka looked appalled at my tone. She then was flashing a smirk.         "I have some food stashed in my room and I ate it on the way here. There was no need to get up early when I already had food." Her hands had found her hips and the smirk was still etched on her face. "Whatever. At least you're here." I pulled her into a hug. "Now, let's go venture into the unknown." I pulled Cal and Ahsoka into the hangar with my arms slung around their shoulders.

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[meta-shadowsong]

Some Thoughts on Mandalorian Religion/Culture

Basically, this post exists because The Mandalorian got me thinking some about the culture, particularly as relates to the Mandalorian Civil War, and how that reflects certain IRL religious movements and upheaval. This has been percolating in the back of my head for a few weeks, actually, and this seemed like a reasonable time to write it all out, now that at least the first season is over. There are brief spoilers involved for the season finale.

Which means it’s time for a Long Complicated Metaphor! (Not the road-building one about Anakin and his fall, though I really should write that up properly and share that here, too, but y’know.)

Basically, I’m going to talk a little bit about how, as I see it, some of the Mandalorian Civil War issues parallel the Protestant Reformation, particularly in England, leading up to the English Civil War and Interregnum.

(As a note--from what I recall, the Amarna period in ancient Egypt is also a good parallel; maybe even a better one. But since I’m significantly less well-read on the subject and what reading I have done was a very long time ago, I’m sticking with the English Reformation analogy for the purposes of this essay.)

So, it has been a while since I’ve done some in-depth reading on this subject, both the general history and the specific religious/church history. If you’re interested in the church history side of things, I’d actually recommend Cromwell to Cromwell--it got a little dry for me, especially since I didn’t read the summary carefully enough and thought it was going to be a little more biographical than it ended up being, but it is still a solidly researched book on the subject in question.

Anyway, the point is, I’m going off of memory from something I read about/researched a few years back, as well as my general background knowledge of the subject/period, so please forgive any slight inaccuracies as I build up my metaphor/essay/point.

So, to start with, some background of why I’m viewing this through a religious lens, based on some things we’ve seen in the TV show. Obviously, there is the fact that Din Djarin specifically refers to this as a creed/religion in the first couple episodes. However, that’s not…super-well defined, other than it is analogous to a religion. But in terms of specific details--

First, there’s the helmet thing, which I know has been brought up by other commentators as well--this is the Way, we don’t take off our helmets for any reason unless we’re stepping off this path.

If we view combat as Mandalorian religion, in the organized/Western religion sense, this actually makes a lot of sense to me. In this reading, our titular friend from the show about baby Yoda is, essentially, a priest (or possibly a monk; or more likely a friar since he’s a wanderer and not cloistered even if the rest of his covert might be, but that’s probably a little too nitty-gritty for an essay on this level; for analysis purposes, I’m just going to go with ‘priest’). Priests are subject to stricter vows, and while laypersons can (and indeed are expected to) perform certain religious duties/offices, priests have greater responsibilities and restrictions. Like prayer, only instead of rosaries and Christmas, Mandalorians have blasters. And flamethrowers. And occasionally jetpacks. Etc.

(Obviously, not a perfect analogy, in the same way that comparing the PT-era Jedi to monks or priests is not a perfect analogy, but it’s a reasonably convenient one.)

Anyway, this explains why Mandadlorian and the other members of his covert/group won’t take their helmets off, but we’ve seen a variety of Mandalorians do so before--all of the Wrens, Bo-Katan and her close allies, various other members of Death Watch (though not all)…it’s part of something akin to a clerical vow.

Which brings us back to the Civil War, and the IRL parallels.

So, the English Reformation--yes, a large part of what kicked it off was Henry VIII being…well…Henry VIII about things, but there was a lot of back and forth beyond the Great Matter/Divorce, and Lutheranism, Calvinism, and other Protestant movements had some level of foothold at varying levels of society. In terms of actual doctrine and practice, the Church of England varies quite a bit during the reigns of the later Tudors (with Edward VI being pretty hard-core Protestant, Mary I bringing England back to Rome, and then Elizabeth I being more moderate than her brother), so it’s not a straightforward question. Eventually, Protestantism wins out, but it’s a half-century or so of minor upheavals and doctrinal shifts, much like in the rest of Europe during this period.

Again, I recommend Cromwell to Cromwell for more detail about the specifics, but by the time we get to the 17th century and the Stuarts, we’re sort of starting to see a split between the Puritans (who stayed in England with the intent of making the English Church more fundamentalist, rather than the ones who left and settled in Holland and the Americas, who would be better referred to as Separatists) and the more elaborate High Church. There were other sects/factions, and other/secular/political factors that led to the Civil War, of course, but that was the gist of the religious one.

Which brings me to Satine and the New Mandalorians. Who, in this case/analogy, are similar to the Reformers (eventually, Puritans).

Which might sound weird, given that we’ve established that the Mandalorian culture/religion in this context is All About Combat, but hear me out.

We don’t know exactly what went on with the New Mandalorians forming and building steam, but I highly doubt that Satine came up with the idea on her own--they were a radical movement to reform Mandalorian religion and culture that she gravitated to, and eventually made official/the law of the land when she and her faction won the Civil War and she took power in Sundari. We don’t know where her parent(s) fell on this spectrum, if they were hardline traditionalists or fairly neutral moderates or mild reformers (I doubt they were hardline reformers), or essentially traditionalists in terms of their personal beliefs/doctrine but making serious reformer steps for unrelated political and/or personal reasons (a la Henry VIII).

The point is, much like the more radical Reformation politics and philosophies as put forward by Edward VI and, later, Oliver Cromwell and the Roundheads, Satine is operating in a larger context and, however devoted she is to this movement, she probably didn’t found it.

The reason I think she lines up with the Puritan model is that the New Mandalorian philosophy is an extremely stripped-down version of the approach-to-combat religion/culture. Basically, New Mandalorian philosophy takes away the fancy trappings and asks “what exactly does it mean to have this faith?” She says to Obi-Wan at one point, “just because I’m a pacifist doesn’t mean I won’t defend myself.” What her philosophy is asking--maybe; possibly; I’d love more canon context but this is a reasonable reading of the text IMO--is “our faith is combat, but does combat need to be physical? Do we need to continue to kill each other and spill the blood of our kin as well as outsiders, or are there other ways to fight?” After all, Satine is extremely combative; she just doesn’t use weapons or overt violence when she fights for what she believes in.

So, again. Stripping away all the fancy trappings to get back to the core of the belief--only instead of gold and icons and stained glass (and Christmas), it’s blasters and flamethrowers and occasionally jetpacks. And whips. And so on. (…I feel like Mandalorian Christmas involves a lot of blasters…)

This was all probably reinforced by her experiences on the run with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan during the Civil War itself; but that’s something I’m going to at least partially cover in our faces like a mirror. The fic focuses more on Bo-Katan and why she makes her choices in all this, but Satine’s personal worldview is obviously profoundly shaped by her experiences during that year, and is, of course, a key part of all of this.

(As a side note, Bo-Katan, in this analogy, is soooooort of related to either Mary I or Charles II--although I tend to read her as a younger sister/there’s no succession dispute involved. But the Traditionalist heir in exile; with a level of devout belief that’s more aligned with Mary than with Charles; although she’s a bit more willing to compromise until she can’t anymore, and then seems to have found a more moderate approach when she’s in power/after she leaves Death Watch? We’ll see what the relevant TCW episodes have to say. Also, I would love to see her show up in season 2 of The Mandalorian or some other live-action thing (maybe the Obi-Wan series?); still played by Katee Sackhoff as is only right and proper. Just getting that out there.)

[Also, given the way s1 of The Mandalorian ended--I fear for my girl Bo-Katan and am even more interested in seeing her in something live-action/post-Rebels D:]

…yeah, this felt like I had more of a Point when I got started, lol. I guess what I’m trying to say is--a lot of seeming inconsistencies in worldbuilding about Mando culture make a lot more sense when viewed as a religion, with a variety of sects and interpretations and relative levels of devotion, particularly in parallel with IRL religious movements. And while Satine’s aesthetic is an homage to Elizabeth I, her politics/role as a hardline Reformer in power are more aligned with Edward VI or Oliver Cromwell. It’s just…an interesting way of looking at things, I think? One I figured was worth sharing.

[mesdea]

Chapters: 32/? Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mace Windu, Yoda, Anakin Skywalker, Shmi Skywalker, Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious, CC-2224 | Cody, Garen Muln, Padmé Amidala, CT-7567 | Rex Additional Tags: Mace is Obi-Wan’s Master, Yoda is always meddling, Angst with a Happy Ending, Qui-Gon is broken, mention of violence, Anakin is a sweet kiddo, quiobi ,Shmi is my ultimate Creche mom, With Love there is always hope, Sith Qui-Gon, Darth Acheros, Protective Cody, Jango makes a great dad, Minor Cody/Rex, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Panic Attacks, Mental Health Issues

Obi-Wan had never known that a human form could twist into that position as he exited the fresher and glimpsed over at Qui-Gon’s sleeping form. The towering body had contorted and wrapped in on itself as if it could shield him from the mysterious shadows. It had remained a sleepless night for Obi-Wan. His bondmate had spent half the evening on the edge of tears and the rest of it trying to battle the nightmares. Obi-Wan wanted to step into the council chambers and scream that he would never leave Qui’s side ever again, but it had remained a futile thought. Both gentlemen understood that they were Jedi first, no matter how their souls ached to be separated.

Obi-Wan approached the sleeping man; his towel clung to his skin, scarcely above his hips. He was still exhausted, but he had a scheduled debriefing with Master Yoda in several hours, therefore slipping back into the sheets with Qui-Gon was pointless. Perhaps he should move outside onto the balcony for some meditation, but he didn’t stir. His eyes couldn’t sway from the tense figure, pressed against a body cushion, and he ached to make everything better. A pitiful whimper tore the Knight from his thoughts; shuffling swiftly to the sleep couch he spread his fingers tenderly over Qui-Gon’s sweating brow. “It’s ok my love,” Obi-Wan murmured, pushing a small force suggestion over their bond to ease nightmare to dream.

“Is he going to be okay?” The timid voice made Obi-Wan rise from the mattress. He had entirely forgotten the brand-new addition to their family. After Qui-Gon had fallen into a fitful slumber, he moved the young boy to the extra bedroom.

“Quint, I’m sorry, but you startled me. It was a difficult night, but he’s back to peaceful dreams.” Obi-Wan clung tightly to the towel and reluctantly turned away from Qui-Gon. “If you will give me a moment to change we can start some tea and breakfast for your Master.”

Glistening green eyes, fixed high within their sockets, were watching affectionately over the figure against the bed. Quint simply nodded to Obi-Wan in return. The child removed himself with haste and started the kettle for their morning tea. He had been so apprehensive about Knight Kenobi’s arrival that he hadn’t slept enough himself. When he awoke with the covers pulled tightly toward his chin he realized that Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon must have carried him to his bunk like a toddler. It wasn’t the first impression that he wanted to display to his master’s other half.

Obi-Wan waited for the door to close behind the boy and lamented at the Jedi Master still dead to the world. “You sure possess a way of making our lives interesting, Qui.” He was startled to find new tunics in his size, inside the closet. Qui-Gon must have transferred his things while he had been absent. This relationship was genuinely happening. It warmed Obi-Wan’s heart to know they would make this journey together. His thoughts drifted to the future but warmed his heart even more. Letting the towel fall from his sides, he dressed quickly and joined Quint in the kitchen.

“The water is almost ready, Sir. Do you,” The child paused for a moment looking back at the fully dressed Knight before continuing. “Do you have a favorite tea?”

“I’m honestly not picky as long as it has a bit of flavor. Whatever you are making for yourself will be fine, Padawan Hawks.” He pulled out a chair and relaxed, watching the young man move around as if he always belonged in these quarters with them. 

“May I ask you a question, Knight Kenobi?” Quint pushed one of the cups to Obi-Wan and sat across the table.

“Only if you call me Obi-Wan or my friends sometimes call me, Ben.” Obi-Wan motioned for the youth to continue as he blew slightly on the warm liquid and took a sip. The shy boy moved his hand gently over the short stubby padawan braid that Master Qui-Gon had started for him. He still felt so unsure when it came to the man sitting before him. “It’s ok Quint; you are free to speak your mind with me.”

“I’m sorry Knight, I mean Obi-Wan, but I have to say that I was very nervous about meeting you.” Quint fiddled with the spoon still inside his cup. “Will you make me go back to the creche?”

The question shocked Obi-Wan; to the point, he almost spilled his tea all over the new tunics. “Oh, Quint, please would you come here?” The gentleman gestured to his lap and smiled when the boy nearly flew into his arms. “There is one thing that my master taught me a long time ago. Would you like to know what that is?” The child nodded, pushing away a bit to see the Knight’s face. “Master Windu taught me long ago to expect the unexpected and embrace new friends whenever you have the chance. I know right now you are unsure of your place in our household, but you are now a padawan to my bondmate. That means that you are as much a part of this family as Qui-Gon and me.”

“Is there tea for me?” They both shifted to see Qui-Gon’s blood-shot eyes staring at them. Quint squirmed from Obi-Wan’s lap and quickly made another cup and passed it to his master. “Thank you, my padawan.” The title fell quickly from his lips.

“You look dreadful, Qui. Did you sleep at all while I was gone?”

“You fret too much. I’m fine now that I have both of you here.” He ruffled Quint’s blond locks and leaned over to Obi-Wan to press a soft kiss to the lips that called to him.

Obi-Wan returned the loving kiss, knowing it was as much of a welcome back as a request to move on to other subjects. “I have a debriefing in about an hour with Master Yoda. The mission went about as well as we could expect when slavers are concerned. I swear, if I never see that planet again it will be too soon.” They continued for the next fifteen minutes, Obi-Wan telling them both the ins and outs of his mission. It felt pleasant to relax together and chat, without the weight of the galaxy on their shoulders. They were starting to feel like a life together was an actual possibility.

Obi-Wan pushed out the chair and placed his mug in the sink, leaning against it for a moment, looking at the table. This internal chatter would be their life now, morning tea and conversations replacing Sith plots and assassination attempts. He couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his dried lips. “I better get going, or Master Yoda will beat me with his gimmer stick. I will see you after your Healer’s appointment, okay?”

Qui-Gon started to admit he hadn’t been to see Healer Kachiu for a while but nodded his head instead. He watched Obi-Wan begin to leave the kitchen pulling him back into a tight embrace. “I’m glad you made it back safely. Meet us in the salles for practice later?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” Obi-Wan let go of the embrace to reach up on his tiptoes and place a light peck upon his giant’s nose. “I love you,” the words were whispered to Qui-Gon before he exited their quarters.

The rest of the day had been filled with mundane tasks by Qui-Gon, Quint, and Obi-Wan. The master and padawan had to visit the master at arms to requisition new padawan tunics and gear. Every time Qui-Gon visited with the quartermaster it was an event, the older man always made the master regale him with stories of past missions. Quint’s stomach started to gurgle with noises after the third story, and it pried the master’s attention away from his enthralled audience.

“I thought we’d never get to eat!” The boy laughed as he ran into the cafeteria, grabbing a tray and heading straight into the shortest line.

“Forgetting to water and feed your padawan, I hope you are not?” Qui-Gon glanced down and smiled at Master Yoda. “Growth spurt, I expect there is.” They both chuckled at that and took a seat at an empty table away from the racket of the crechlings. “Well, your other half has done on his mission but worried he still is for you. Sleeping he says you haven’t.”

Checking to make sure his padawan was still filling his plate with food. Qui-Gon looked over at the master and sighed. “I’m fine, Master Yoda.”

“Fine, you are not!” Their voices rose, and everyone around them had stopped to stare. “Not sleeping we all can see. Obi-Wan spoke of nightmares…” The words trailed off as the Knight in question appeared next to them.

“Am I interrupting?” Obi-Wan tried to get everyone to mind their own business by shooting them an irritated glance. Qui-Gon stood up upon Obi-Wan’s arrival and glared at the man. “Qui?”

“If you could allow Quint to sit with you during mid-meal I would appreciate it. I’m going to meditate in the gardens if you even think me competent enough even to do that.” The fury that radiated off the man was making the smallest of toddlers in the room upset. “In fact, why don’t you take Quint for sparring practice, I’m sure you can do a better job.”

“Qui-Gon, what is wrong?” Obi-Wan tried to stand up and grab Qui-Gon’s arm only to have it snatched away from him.

The eyes that stared back at him weren’t rational. They weren’t the passionate crystal blue that Obi-Wan had come to adore. They were tinted with a pale yellow. “You are what’s wrong! You told me you had a meeting with Yoda, but you didn’t mention that it was to give him an update on my well-being. I’ll leave you all to continue with your gossiping behind my back.” Qui-Gon used his long legs to carry him away from those confused storm grey eyes.

Quint moved to the table, setting his meal down and starting to turn towards the shut door. “I know it’s hard, Quint, but we must leave him be for now. A growing boy needs his tubers, eat up.” Obi-Wan offered a wane smile that was so fake that even the boy didn’t believe him. “He’s in the temple, and he’ll be ok. Two steps forward and one step back is still progress.” They all sat in silence as the crowds around them moved on with their lives, unphased by their scene.

The gardens were his only solace at the moment, it was a place that he could go, and no one would speak about his past and worry about his future. The garden creatures and the living force didn’t care about his eating and sleeping habits. “Banyan, my old friend, I’m glad that you can’t talk. I understand they are all concerned about my well-being, but I feel like they are all waiting with baited breath for me to fail. It’s suffocating!” Qui-gon sank to his knees before the tree and felt its life-force wrap tenderly around him like he was a boy again. It didn’t judge his failures it only knew this moment and at this moment it felt safe with the tall man under its canopy.

“I figured I would find you here when I entered the mess hall to see a dejected Obi-Wan and a flustered padawan.” Qui-Gon didn’t even flinch at the familiar voice. "Oh, you pissed at me too?” Cody moved closer to the tree to lean on its still slightly charred trunk.

“I’m not in the mood, Vod.”

“Since when has that stopped me?” The man just smiled and continued as if nothing else mattered. “Qui-Gon Jinn, you are an ass. You’ve always been an ass when it comes to your well-being.”

“You can go back to Obi-Wan and tell him I don’t need a fucking babysitter.” He growled back.

Cody just laughed, “Now we both know you are a liar. I’m not going anywhere, friend. You need someone to tell you the truth, someone that isn’t as close to the situation as Obi-Wan and Quint. You do realize that after just a few days you have already abandoned him to others?”

“I didn’t…”

“The hell you didn’t. The boy looked dejected after you left. He knows that you are still healing, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t still a young boy that needs to be reassured of his place in this world. Do you think it shows stability to throw him at Obi-Wan just as he comes back?”

Qui-Gon placed his head into his open palms and started to weep, the dark circles under his eyes becoming more prominent. “Cody, I don’t know what to do. I know you are right, I even know that Obi-Wan is right. I can’t sleep when he’s away; I can’t even function, what kind of Jedi does that make me? What’s worse is that I understand I have to be a master on top of it. I’m already failing that boy. What was I thinking?”

Cody relented and kneeled in front of his old friend, pulling the bearded chin up carefully to stare into his eyes. “You haven’t failed anyone, Qui, except maybe yourself. You’ve spent so much time telling yourself that you are fine, that you won’t consider anything else. You do realize you’ve missed your last three healer appointments?”

“I didn’t,” he paused. “I felt better for a while, but then Obi-Wan was gone.”

“I love you, Qui but when left to your own devices, you do stupid shit. One day, you will be able to cope with everything that has happened to you, but there will always be something that can trigger it again, it’s just the reality of the world we live. You need to get off your knees and go back to the mind healer. Tell them what’s happening, they are here to help you.” Cody jumped to his feet once more and rested his hand on Qui-Gon’s shoulder before exiting back the way he came.

“In or out, but make up your mind sometime today.” The gruff voice called out from within the office. Qui-Gon shrugged his shoulders and took a deep breath before deciding to enter finally. “I was wondering if you even remembered that I was still here. Would you like to explain why you canceled your appointments?” Healer Kachiu sat back in the chair and stared at the man before him.

“I’m sorry. It was pointed out to me by a friend that it wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Well you have a brilliant friend, perhaps you will continue to listen to them?” The healer motioned for the master to sit in the chair across from him and gave a weak smile. “Qui-Gon, I’ve already spoken to the council and Obi-Wan. However, I was waiting for you to come to me. It’s the only way that you will finally start the healing process. No one can force you; you have to be ready to participate. Tell me, are you truly ready?”

Qui-Gon swallowed his pride and bowed his head to stare at the bare floor. It was a question he had asked himself many times but was he closer to an answer now? He was about to open his mouth when he felt both reassurance and comfort from both of his bonds. He had lashed out in anger and fear, but they had responded with faith and love. He had much to continue learning that he was sure about. “I am ready, Kachiu. I am ready.”