#obv knocking the door wouldn't have been his choice either but!

[lunacias]

statement of jonathon sims, regarding a childhood encounter with a book formerly possessed by jurgen leitner

[ticklish-n-stuff]

Skeletons in the closet

@duckymcdoorknob *THROWS LEE LYNEY AT YOUR FACE*

Anygays, I've become mentally ill for the three of them and just HAD to write them

Spoilers for Fontaine obv!!

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Lyney x Lynette x Freminet (PLATONIC)

Lee: Lyney

Lers: Lynette, Freminet

Warnings: Tickles! Spoilers for Fontaine act 1!

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Anyone would assume this would be a good day for Lyney. Thanks to the traveller, his innocence was proven and he could now walk as a free man. So why was it that his heart still ached later that night..?

The face of shock and disappointment the traveller gave after learning of his ties with the Fatui has been clouding his mind. Was their relationship now... tarnished? Was there nothing he could do...?

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a soft pat on his shoulder, prompting him to turn around to face the younger slibing. "Oh, Freminet! Do what do I owe the pleasure?" it was like a switch had been activated and Lyney was back to acting like his usual cheerful self. But it was just that, an act... Just like he deceived people up on the stage, he can do the same with his true emotions. Although he underestimates how perceptive his family is.

"Umm... you've been awfully quiet tonight, is everything okay?"

"Of course I'm okay! I'm better than okay! If it wasn't for the... traveller... I wouldn't be back here tonight" there was a hint of sadness in the magician's eyes at the mention of the traveller. "Anyways, it's been a long day for all of us, you should go to sleep" and with that, Lyney slithered out of there, leaving Freminet feeling even more concerned.

With no other choice, Freminet went to ask Lynette about what happened there. After all, she had been present through it all. He peaked his head through the open door, catching his sister's attention.

"Hmm, is something wrong, Freminet?" she motioned him to come in.

"It's about Lyney... did something happen back there? He's been avoidant all night...".

Lynette let out a sigh and proceeded to explain the fallout between him and the traveller.

Freminet listened intently, slowly nodding along "I see... Is there anything we can do to help?".

"I'm sure with time, he and the traveller will come to an understanding".

The younger brother nodded but let out a soft sigh of disappointment. It had been many times his sibling had helped him out of awkward situations, and now he wanted to return the favor.

"But..." Lynette started to trail off. "He has been awfully moody tonight, I say we do something about it" aside from her usual serious demeanor, there was a slight spark of mischief in her eyes. Freminet could only imagine what she had planned and bregudgingly followed her to Lyney's room.

"Lyney... you in there?" Lynette reached out, followed by a soft knock to his bedroom door.

It was hard to make out, but they heard a faint 'it's open' and the younger siblings made their way in. Upon entering, they saw Lyney laying on his stomach with his face pressed against his pillow, refusing to look at either of them.

After a moment of hesitation, Lynette gave Freminet a slight shove towards their older brother. The youngling let out a flustered squeak, the freckles across his cheeks slowly being drowned out by the pink color overtaking them. He gave Lynette a flustered glare, while she only prompted him to keep going.

With a deep breath, he spoke out "Lyney...?". He only got a slight humm in reply, signaling that the magician was listening to him, despite keeping his face hidden. Freminet let out another breath before continuing "Lynette told me about what happened... with the traveller...". He observed the way Lyney's body tensed up at the mention and couldn't help but feel a bit guilty for bringing it up. "I'm sorry, I just... you don't have to suffer in silence...".

Freminet's voice grew softer and he took a seat next to Lyney. Shortly after, Lynette made her way to sit on the opposite side of the bed.

"We both know you're hurting, whether you admit it or not" Lynette's voice was sharper, but she only wished to get through her stubborn brother.

"I already said I'm fine..." Lyney whined out like a toddler, burrying his face deeper into the pillow. The other two couldn't help but softly snicker in amusement.

"If you'll keep sulking like that, then I guess we have no other choice..." Lynette and Freminet exchanged some glances, as if communicating telepathycally. Then, Lyney felt the magical hand of his assistant slide down his side, causing his whole body to jolt in surprise. But he wouldn't let his image falter from a simple touch and held onto his pillow tightly. As if it would somehow save him from his demise.

"Noho tickles, Lynette..." the magician let out a whiny giggle, muffled by his pillow, but still audibly adorable.

"In that case, your turn, Freminet".

"Huh...?" Freminet's gaze shyed away.

"C'mon, he won't bite" Lynette teased him, causing the younger boy to pout slightly.

"Fine..." he hesitantly reached out and gently tweaked at his brother's ribcage, earning a high-pitched squeak.

"gyAH! Dohon't listen to her, Freminehet!".

Usually, Freminet was one to oblige to Lyney's request. But he noticed that the elder one didn't as much squirm away from his touch, did he like it, perhaps? With that in mind, Freminet's fingertips kept delicately exploring each and every ticklish bone. Causing a cascade of giggles to pour out of Lyney's mouth.

"Nahahaha! Ihihit tickles!!" the magician blurted out the obvious through his hysterics. His legs started kicking out from behind out of instinct, but that would soon end when he felt weight settle on top of his legs.

"That's the point, silly" Lynette spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. Now with her brother's legs pinned, she started to poke and scribble at the back of his knees.

"eHEEK! AHAHAHA! NAHAT THEHEHERE!" if it were anyone else, Lyney would try bucking them off, but he couldn't risk hurting his sister. So he did the only thing he could in this situation and took the tickling like a champ (not really).

Lyney's hysterical and goofy sounds filled up the room. High-pitched charming laughter mixed in with snorts rang through the siblings ears.

"Hey Freminet, you should target his armpits".

"W-wait, Freminet dohoHON'T!!" Lyney's whole body jumped, errupting into another fit of contagious laughter. Poor Lynette got flung off of him, but landed flat across the bed. When she got up to see the commotion, there was Freminet, his small fingers carefully poking and scribbling at the ticklish hollows.

"Am I doing this right...?" he asked feeling unsure of himself, even though Lyney was currently crumbling from those simple touches.

"WAHAHA! P-PLEASE! I CAHAHAN'T!" Lyney rolled over onto his back and grabbed at Freminet's wrists, causing him to stop. The younger siblings observed the magician take in deep breaths. His chest heaving, hair all messy, eyes a bit watery, and a bright smile on his face. It looked like their plan worked after all.

"She put me up to it...!" Freminet blurted out, feeling a bit afraid that he took things too far, earning an eye roll from his sister. But before his thoughts could run wild, he felt a playful hand ruffle his hair. "H-hey!...".

When he looked down, he saw Lyney still smiling brightly at him. A genuine smile, Freminet thought. He couldn't help but smile back at his brother.

"Thank you for that, you two" Lyney smiled a bit sheepishly with flushed cheeks. But right now this moment was more important than whatever embarrassment he felt. He wrapped each of them into his arms, pulling them close into a snuggle pile.

"Looks like he's back to normal" Lynette said, both she and Freminet snuggling into each side of Lyney.

"Next time, please don't keep your feelings to yourself..." Freminet whispered out softly, not daring to make eye contact.

"Alright, alright, lessoned learned. I'm so glad to have such a reliable support system~" he gave each of them a squeeze. The three of them enjoying their silent company for a while, until... "But that doesn't mean I'll let you both go scott free...~" he spoke in a teasing tone, causing both siblings to tense up in his embrace.

The rest of the night was spent with cuddles and laughter. Whatever happened in the future, he was sure he could pull through with his family...

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Im sorry if this is shit but I still think its cute 🥲

[transpat]

pre-relationship pranpat and haq

the word 'haq (हक़)' in hindi doesn't have an exact eng counterpart and translates smth around the meanings of rights and entitlement. in context of relationships, we use it to describe the entitlement ppl we keep close are allowed over us. in our culture, with every bond we form and built, we owe those ppl certain rights over us. like our filial duty to our parents, supporting our siblings and relatives emotionally and/or financially, the loyalty to our friends. lovers and spouses are ppl given all the rights of a family member by choice and obv other stuff like touching u in ways others can't, sharing worries and secrets you wouldn't indulge others w, the permission to carry and lighten ur burdens.

that's why i wanted to talk about pran and pat before they began dating, when they didn't even consider each other friends. theoretically, these two don't owe each other shit, shouldn't be assuming any rights over each other. but pat continues to push into pran's room even when he's verbally told not to, and pran who bottles his feelings up from everyone else, wears his heart on his sleeve (literally) around pat. pran gives pat a glimpse into his every emotion, and pat catches them, stores it away to process later, when he uses it to channel the courage to knock on pran's door.

also. all of this starts in college. after they reach a truce and add each other's numbers. it's not there back when they were shy high schoolers, fighting in public and treading along the delicate beginnings of a friendship. back then, before their meager advances culminated into smth fruitful, it was snatched from them, ripped from their unsuspecting hands. it didn't turn their efforts null thou, doesn't return them to point zero. when they met again, they faltered and stumbled, but they make their way back to how things could have been back then. they found their way back to the path they were paving as kids.

their sense of entitlement isn't just smth they assume either. it's the haq they've willingly granted to the other. we see pran pushing pat out of his room repeatedly, but pat only walks in bc he knows if he was really unwelcome pran wouldn't open the door in the first place. bc like how pran never pushed him out of the room in his parents' house, pat is certain that once pran's fear of being discovered lessens (he doesn't know his interpretation is all wrong, that it was bc pran was in love w him and afraid for himself), he'll be welcome to stay as long as he wants. when he asks pran if he can stay the night, its bc he knows the answer might not be no. pran has a soft spot for him.

likewise, pran lashing out at him is bc he knows that unlike how it is w others, revealing his emotions to pat won't come at a price he can't afford. when he's under all the pressure of rebuilding the bus stop and saving his friends' academics careers, he smiles for his friends, assures them he's fine, he can manage. its only around pat he displays how deeply he's affected by this, lets pat see how he let him down, how much stress he's in bc of this. bc he knows pat listens, pat understands, pat wants to listen and understand. pat makes breathing easier.

in the beginning its just that. pran says they're not friends, but subconsciously hands pat every right of one. the teasing banter, the rude nicknames, the knowledge that he too wants to compete w pat in the freshy contest as badly as pat wants it. he helps him by texting his location religiously, and then when pat's friends screw up, he lets pat help him w the bus stop. here's where things get begin to get convoluted, where the lines begin to blur. letting pat sniff him, letting pat pull his head under his shirt, letting pat massage medicine onto his shoulder, cleaning pat's face for him, allowing pat to pet his head, asking him if he had dinner, asking him about his crush. obv like. none of these things r very platonic, and pran allowing these to occur isn't w platonic intentions either.

and that's bound to happen. ofc it will when pat's in love and only hasn't worked it out yet and pran's been harboring suppressed desires for years. in some ways, it's always been there, it was always hurtling towards this. the level of comfort they share w each other, how little reservation they hold towards touching the other, its as if they haven't been raised as enemies, but have grown into the only ppl who know each other so intimately.

i'm talking about these:

pran doesn't even flinch when pat's hand touches his thigh, and you could argue that's ohmnanon, but honestly it's v in character for them. pat puts his hand over pran's mouth, places it high up his thigh: pran allows it. pran tickles him, pins down on the bed: pat allows it. pran tackles him unnecessarily long during rugby matches, hauls him into hidden corridors? pat giggles about it. pat asks pran to feed him drinks, to let him stay the night? pran pretends its a hassle and readily indulges him.

pran understands what's happening. he watches it all unfold, how pat's entitlement over him grows, mushrooms, into pat constantly making boyfriend jokes, pat pushing his limits w pran in public, pat expressing his displeasure over having to pretend to be enemies, pat walking into pran's faculty w pran's shirt on. and pran lets it happen. he complains and groans about pat in his room but lets him stay, lets him have his breakfast, lets his nosy ass unlock his desktop. he draws the line at first, but always, always ends up letting pat cross it. like how at the music store he scoffs off pat's attempt to ask him about his relationship status, but in the privacy of his own room, discloses his mother and wai's dynamics when questioned, even though he finds it strange for pat to care (he misreads pat here, thinks its out of pat's desire for friendship that he wants to know more about pran, so he's happy to share).

i came to talk about this bc i was (again) rewatching bbs and now that its completed, the fight scene in ep5 hits a different way (again). pran shuts wai out (refusing to divulge the secrets of his and pat's dynamics, a direct contrast to how he freely talks about wai to pat) and sends him home, then turns and looks at pat like this:

he stood there, waiting for pat to look at him and then when pat did, he let all his disappointment and anger flood into his expression. and i saw this and thought wow, that's one of the loudest displays of haq he's expressed over pat until now. he knows what he's doing, he knows this is going to hurt pat and he does it w that exact intention. (also does anyone else think this kinda looks like an owner reprimanding their dog?) its not smth he would do w wai, or anyone else in his life. its smth only pat is allowed, only pat is allowed to see how profoundly disruptions upset him, only pat is allowed inside his head.

this scene makes it clear that the way pran and pat treat each other is no longer 'friendly'. here, we're explicitly shown the haq pran's granted his friends over him, and that doesn't extend to oversharing. yet, pat's allowed that. pran would never tell his friends if and when they hurt or frustrate him, but he's stopped hiding the same from pat when pat chased him to the new dorm insisting he should move instead. pat may be the one who crosses the line when helping pran out w the bus stop, but its pran who first muddles it by avoiding pat to express how mad he is. later again, its pran who dissolves that line completely by reaching across and asking pat if he's had dinner.

back to the fight scene: earlier, when pat waited out for him, told him to 'come here' in front of wai, that too was a display of haq, of the authority he felt over pran. and pran followed. pran obeyed, moved towards him, was only stopped by wai. that's why i said: none of the entitlement they feel towards the other is overstepping, they only exercise the rights they're certain they've been handed. when pat says 'come here', he's one hundred percent sure pran will. he knows he's different from wai, that he's special, that he's someone pran could choose over wai. and so its a petty move. its such a petty thing to use the secret privilege pran entrusted him w in a moment of drunken jealousy, and pat regrets it soon.

but pran's the one who upset the balance first. by playing that song. their song. where most of the haq they feel over each other is abstract, this is the one thing put in cement. that song is one rope fastening pat to pran's side - the other being the guitar - which he's been using to steadily climb the peak pran stands on. he'd expected pran to be waiting for him above, as eager to help him up as pat is to reach him. but pran played that song with others, with wai, and abandoned that post, uncaring if pat were to fall. and pat fell. he fell, fractured his bones, and would still plow past the sharp ache had it been pran alone. bc that pain dulls, disappears, in pran's presence. but faced with wai, with pran's hurtful pretenses, with pran prioritizing wai in that moment, his resentment overflows, pushes him to hurt pran in the same manner. 'that lousy song', he calls the very first song pran wrote, the song pran poured his heart and soul into, the song he's recently realized might have been about them. and he does it, he breaks pran. now, pran's got a shattered heart to match pat's splintered bones.

then, on the rooftop, pat asks him why he played the song. pran doesn't answer him, denies the haq in his demand. telling pran he didn't like it was another haq he'd assumed. and here, pran realizes they've come too far. here, pran knows there's no pretending this is normal or friendly anymore, bc wth they're not even friends. here, he knows if he lets this continue, pat will continue to treat him like a lover while telling him he likes some other girl. so here, pran tries to build a final iron wall, and asks pat smth he shouldn't be able to answer: 'why are you doing this to me? who are you assume those rights over me?' except pat's figured it out at last. his feelings, his love. so, he recognizes what pran's doing, panics, and blurts his truth. vomits out his feelings to try and soil the line pran's drawing.

yeah and then we saw how that went. well, after that, these vague figures of their haq finally come into sharp focus during ep 6. this was the ep everyone praised pat for his respect of boundaries, but that was really always there. pat is smart and perceptive, and pran is the subject he's spent his whole life studying. ofc he'd understand when pran means business and when he's bluffing. so when pran used to push pat put of his room, they both knew his efforts were half-hearted (ofc he'd want his crush in his room, no matter how afraid he is of losing control). although pat doesn't take him srsly at first, he does respect his decision in the end. now, when pran tells him he doesn't want to talk about their kiss, pat knows he's serious, so he immediately shifts the subject.

and last about their bet? even if before these two were subconsciously dancing around the boundaries of romance and friendship, with the bet on, there's no hiding behind denial anymore. still, this is a new territory they're trudging along. esp pat, who's new to the discovery of his own feelings, who doesn't know where pran is mentally, and doesn't know what he's allowed and what not.

pran realizes this soon enough the next morning, when pat uses that kindergarten technique of 'i won't give you my snacks unless you become my bf'. and pran - who's spend years fantasizing about this very thing, who has an idea of the depth of pat's feelings - demolishes the last wall. the finger-lick is pran telling pat where they stand now, both giving and assuming every haq of a lover. and he does it so confidently bc pat's already given him that haq the night before, when he didn't refute pran's accusation of harboring a crush on him.

('fine', he says. 'let's compete then.' instead of the outright way pran had denied his crush. bc never lying to his lover is the haq pat would give them, is what pat gives pran from here on. pran continues to lie bc he has yet to give pat the same regard.)

yeah and this is before they start dating. before pran's ready to jump into a relationship. but he's already given pat every right only a boyfriend would hold over him: calling him to his room to fix his printer, cooking his favorite dish for him, letting pat stay over whenever he wants (like how he'll always return every loving act, every courageous one pat's done for him). when pat makes that unreasonable demand of bringing nong nao over to his room, pran can't refuse him bc this is the haq he's given to pat.

asking someone for help or assistance is smth that requires a truckload of pran's spirit. but pat's someone who just wants to do things for him all the time, and when pran sees that requesting help from pat is also pleasing him, asking pat becomes easy. for someone who's had to shoulder responsibility for every other person in his life, its delightful. to be loved by someone who gets giddy about lifting his loads for him, who's contentment comes from making him happy. that's what makes the printer scene so significant, why pat's eyes shift when pran tells him he wants pat to do this for him. pran gifts him that knowing how important it is to him, later uses the same knowledge against him in that scene w wai (when he asks wai to unscrew his bottlecap for him).

most importantly, he lets pat see his every emotion now, presents him full transparency. we see him let pat in freely into his room, but that was a right pat already had - pran's only hesitation was bc of his feelings. but before where pat's rights extended barely to getting a glimpse of pran's hurt, after which he would be firmly pushed away, now pran allows him to see how upset he truly is, allows pat to alleviate his mood. like a lover would.

and now pat returns that favor, smth he's never done before. pat's never let pran see him hurt before, but now bc he, too, has granted pran every haq of a lover, when he's wounded or mad, he lets it show. after the wai-guitar thing, he waits for pran to return, shows pran every aching emotion that flits across his face, later allows pran a chance to appease him when he's called to the rooftop. although, then, he knew pran probably didn't know why he was so mad, so he's sure pran's calling him for smth he needs. going anyway is bc pran has that haq over him.

these two rooftop scenes also parallel each other. each time it was wai who drove a wedge btw them, not by simply existing, but by stealing a fragment of their lives pat firmly believed was theirs and theirs alone. the song was theirs and only pat had any haq over it, till wai came in. by keeping that guitar safe w him for years, pat assumed haq over it, which was again snatched away by wai. the first time, after wai's exited, it's pran who waits for pat to look at him, so pat can see how he's hurt him, before leaving him behind. this time, it's pat who waits for pran to return, shows him his pain then shuts him out. both times it's the rooftop pran turns to, first to get away, second to fix things. and both times pat arrives later, first to explain himself, next on pran's request.

the reason the whole guitar situation wasn't resolved explicitly onscreen was bc there was no need for it to. pat's hurt and upset came from his insecurities about his place in pran's life. he understands nonverbal implications enough to know he can do this and that w pran, bc these two know each other that well. but he's the kind of person that needs blunt, verbal confirmations about where he stands in someone's life. and that pran's attempted confession gives him. ik he's hurt pran tried to use smth so personal as a winning card against him, but he's also relieved, bc pran's disclosed he definitely wants pat to be his boyfriend. pran wants him. and that's what pat needed to know.

another thing done in ep 7 was how they finally gave us clear context to pranpat's dynamics. like we understand that pran doesn't fully mean it when he pushes pat out of his room, or that he'd be happy to let him stay if it wasn't at the risk of his feelings burgeoning, but it still seemed rude of pat to neglect his pleas and saunter past his protests. ep 7 showed us that sometimes when pran or pat verbally retracted the other's haq, they would contradict themselves louder w their actions.

like this:

and this:

a bit more on the former: its never been flashed boldly onscreen, just mixed in naturally, but food is pran's love language. food is a large part of our cultures honestly, and ensuring someone's stomach is full articulates ur love more blatantly than the words 'i love you'. so when in ep 4 pran asks pat if he's eaten, it is a huge leap. thanks to nanon's acting, with how nervous pran looked about it, everyone interpreted it as such.

then in ep 5, pran lets pat have his sandwich. and i'm positive it was meant for pat. handing it to pat himself, so pat would know he made it for him would literally be the same as saying 'i'm in love w you', so obv pran puts on a show. but he's been up for a while, he's eaten. this was for pat.

again in ep 7, where both of them kind of know pat's the one who'll likely give up (pat relenting first was always part of their dynamic), when he calls pat over and cooks for him, he's genuinely surprised pat didn't cave. later when he goes over to pat's room with food and drinks, you could argue he was planning to play the same game, but he'd cooked enough for both pat and pha; he didn't intend to take it back this time. also in the last scene, the curry must have been cooked by pran. what pran's saying in that first scene entails both cooking and feeding. cooking for pat (and pha) must have been smth he'd already been doing.

and the latter: pat here has already caved in, and then tells pran it's smth he'd do for his 'lover' as if he hasn't already forsaken the bet, as if its still on - just in case pran isn't ready yet (bc the bet itself was for pran to adjust). 'letting his lover win' and acts of services are pat's love languages, thou the former is entirely pran-orientated. ofc for someone so competitive, relenting willingly to someone else is a huge deal, thou this has already been part of their dynamic since the watch scene in their childhood (and pran is the only competition capable of driving him). first it was out of gratitude, then it was out of guilt; but somewhere in between a more concrete reason blossomed: love. (it was also partly bc of their parents' dynamics.)

yielding is one thing, going out of his way to fix things for pran is another. conceding was smth he'd always done for pran, long before he fell in love, and although he says 'lover' in that scene, he v specifically means pran. bc this is a haq reserved uniquely for pran (like how this rivalry is unique to them. he didn't have a frenzied rivalry w any other love interest, so who else would he eagerly relent to as an act of love). the latter was smth that resulted only from his romantic interest in the other. pat cutting a pick out of his id card for pran, pat going to extreme lengths to help pran w the bus stop, pat begging the prof to let them back into the competition bc he knows pran wanted badly to participate, pat keeping his guitar polished for 3 years, pat following him to a rural beachside surrounded by the enemy state, pat continuing the play despite fearing his father's wrath: all of it was bc he was that deeply in love.

this diff is enunciated best in the first 4 eps. where first pat was unwilling to back off from his fight w wai, he later forces his friends to delete that video and manipulates them into helping w the bus stop. where earlier pat was visibly reluctant about shifting even as he offered to switch dorms (bc this was more out of guilt than love), he later gives pran his earphones w/o ever planning on taking them back (more out love than guilt).

anyway there's no purpose to this lol. i just wanted to rant about pranpat and the haq they'd assumed over each other long before the began dating bc i thought it revealed a lot about where they subconsciously intended their relationship to head down. haq is smth given only to those who play a pivotal role in your life, a loved one, a cherished friend. it's the way we daily say 'i love you' without words, it's how we continuously express our gratitude. and it's not smth enemies or even strangers can hold. pran and pat were told not to befriend each other, but gave the other every haq of a friend at age ten. when they found a safe ground to nurture their budding friendship in the dorms (and a shorter period in high school), the flower it blossomed into was that of romantic love, and it didn't come to either as much of a shock. like they'd known it was already destined, like it made sense to them that this is where they were headed. what they said about about going from two ppl who couldn't be friends to two ppl who couldn't be just friends was true.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: where are you? Janis: put my coat away and everything Jimmy: weren't allowed in Jimmy: face don't fit Jimmy: 💔🎻💔 Janis: serious Janis: thought you said you could get in clubs Janis: hang on then, I'll queue up again 😑 Jimmy: it ain't my fault the door bloke's a dickhead Jimmy: fancies his chances better without me in the way Jimmy: might as well go for it now Jimmy: catch you in a bit 👍 Janis: sure, he's got it in for you, boy 😏 Janis: whatever Jimmy: he wants to put it in you Jimmy: understandable when he's going off how well you scrub up Jimmy: keep it off the snap & it is whatever, girl Janis: gross Janis: he's easily 42 Jimmy: don't knock it til you've tried it Jimmy: we ain't in the north so that ain't death's door Jimmy: & you ain't got me there to buy your drinks now, play it smart, rich girl Jimmy: that's how you stay rich, yeah Janis: well I actually got in so I can check out the talent beyond the door 👍 Janis: but tah for the tips Janis: what are you gonna do then Jimmy: big town full of Leprechauns Jimmy: maybe I'll find the pot of gold, gay clubs are the rainbow I assume Jimmy: start there Jimmy: find my own 👴💕 Janis: 🍀 Janis: funny now but when I end up dead in the river you'll be suspect no.1 Jimmy: like anyone's gonna believe I could take you out Jimmy: too 💪 you Jimmy: worry more about everyone chatting that you turned me 🌈 honestly Janis: ha Janis: like you said, keep it off the snap Janis: anyone sees you in there they'll have to out themselves first so Jimmy: 👌 Janis: laters bae Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [finds him, the kiss, walking away] Jimmy: [follows her out leaving this girl like ??!! as she also follows for the awks] Jimmy: [says 'keeping it short & sweet all across town tonight then?' because now is not the time for bants so obvs he's banting] Janis: [is just looking at the girl like bitch what are you doing and ain't gonna talk to him whilst she's there] Jimmy: [lights a 🚬 for an excuse to be still standing there when he's being blanked, sharing with the random girl just to make it worse, introduces Janis to her by one of her fake names cos actual dickhead] Janis: [completely blanks the girl like it would be obvious you were not welcome; 'how do you know no one saw you?'] Jimmy: [the girl be like UM I'm going back in, are you coming boy & he shrugs like in a bit cos still smoking obvs to prolong this & let's her go before he answers cos not trying to explain fake dating to this random] Jimmy: ['you've been in, it's well dead 'cause of being well shit'] Janis: ['so you don't then, in other words. great.'] Jimmy: ['nobody saw me. Calm down.'] Janis: ['fuck off. if you can't do this properly then why suggest it?'] Jimmy: ['I am doing it properly, I told you, it's alright'] Janis: ['for you maybe but that ain't the only part of the deal so sort it out. fucking amatuer'] Jimmy: ['piss off am I. It is sorted. She ain't from around here & nobody who matters saw us.' Janis: [shakes head 'yeah, you are. fuck sake, how old are you, 12?'] Jimmy: [is clearly fuming but trying to act not bothered. 'You'll be the one who fucks this if you don't trust what I'm telling you, girl'] Janis: ['nah, get why they didn't let you in now; what is this, under 18s night? check how old she was, did you?'] Jimmy: [just gives her a fuck you kind of look but that's a mistake cos she's really hot so has to look away] Jimmy: you got in, what did you follow me to this shithole for? Janis: [is laughing at him but it's obvs fake, then shrugs like, why not?] Jimmy: nah go on, you're such a #pro Jimmy: reasons for everything you do, all part of the plan all the time with you Jimmy: so what Janis: well no shit Janis: I didn't want to come out but it's on socials now so we need at least one decent picture together so they know it's #real Jimmy: come on then Jimmy: [poses in a really fake piss taking way] Janis: are you this shit or what Janis: I said, do it properly or I ain't bothering Jimmy: [does that sexy blowing smoke thing at her so it's basically a kiss like that gif I have of Nico doing it in MMFD & snaps a pic of it] Janis: [nods like that'll work 'cos what's she gonna say] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [then actually kisses her & again taking pics being all like don't say I don't do shit properly but like we both know he just wants to & its a moment] Janis: [pushes him back 'cos can't deal] Janis: that'll do Janis: keep it softcore, no one needs that much convincing Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: you're seriously going back in there Jimmy: [does the why not shrug she gave him earlier like its so obvious that you want her to tell you not to, boy please] Janis: [scoffs and shrugs back] Janis: have fun Jimmy: try not to fall or get pushed in the river, Joanne Jimmy: it'd be a crying shame that Janis: no one's pushing me away Janis: trust Jimmy: not in that outfit Jimmy: or out of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: you've done your snap bragging now, shut up Janis: can't make me Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Jimmy: get that too Janis: good Janis: don't get it twisted Jimmy: 👑 of the #flex Jimmy: nowt twisted here Janis: flexing makes it sound like it ain't true Jimmy: [sends her the pics so she can post them cos ultimate shade for rn that he won't] Jimmy: none of this is Jimmy: what did you say, don't get it twisted, Janet Jimmy: have fun with your #s Jimmy: [goes back inside] Janis: piss off Janis: I can get into places that ain't this dump, remember? Jimmy: you ain't let me forget Jimmy: enjoy being a hot girl then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤞 you can find one yourself Jimmy: tah Janis: so welcome Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: [leaves again because it actually is shit in there & obvs not feeling it] Janis: don't take it personal Jimmy: weren't & won't Janis: how unlike you Jimmy: you reckon you know what I'm like Janis: I reckon you love thinking you're special Jimmy: if I loved that we wouldn't be doing this Jimmy: I'd just let 'em all fawn over me like its their job while I do mine Janis: better in theory and bullshit than in practice Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: say the same for this fake girlfriend bollocks Janis: 💔 for you Janis: naturally Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I'll live Janis: shame Jimmy: 💔 for you then Janis: yeah, should be Janis: inconsiderate Jimmy: reckon you've got that covered, my dear Jimmy: but I'll do my best Janis: excuse me? Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: & I bet you understood, smart girl Janis: are you drunk? Jimmy: you calling me a lightweight Jimmy: I weren't in there that long Janis: long enough Janis: 👍 Jimmy: for you maybe Janis: soz you didn't get stinky fingers? Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: yeah you looked proper sorry about it Janis: was I meant to be? Jimmy: don't bother saying it now then Janis: 🙄 Janis: did you a favour anyway Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: please Janis: even you could do better Janis: not doing this so you can throw all my good work away already Jimmy: than a girl who's not from around here, ain't gonna say shit & I don't need to see again Jimmy: not really Jimmy: but go on Janis: whatever, if that's your type Janis: then you may as well make your choice of the basics now and be done with it Jimmy: I don't have a type Jimmy: she did the job for tonight Jimmy: or would've until you turned up Jimmy: if you've got someone better in mind, I'm heading home, send 'em over Janis: lovely you Jimmy: I know Jimmy: tah though Janis: no, thank you for proving my point Jimmy: so welcome Janis: gone, was she Jimmy: or 💀 from the 🔪🔪🔪s you were throwing Jimmy: could've easily bled out while you were having your strop Janis: just playing the part Janis: like you were meant to Janis: or you want your fake gf to be that cool girl Janis: 🙄 figures Jimmy: I only clock in when there's actually an audience, babe Jimmy: like you're meant to Jimmy: & as I told you, there weren't Janis: sure Janis: you did a whole sweep of the club to doublecheck Janis: idiot Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it ain't big or packed Jimmy: & anyway if you were playing a role you'd have kicked off in front of the everyone you're so sure was about Jimmy: not outside to me Janis: not my style Janis: but you did your part by following me out like a puppy so we're fine Jimmy: 'cause I ain't no amateur Jimmy: weren't gonna let you fuck it up by fucking off without a word Jimmy: thought you paddy's loved a bar fight Jimmy: actually 💔💔 Janis: and I know boys love bitch fights, don't mean you're gonna get one from me Jimmy: gutted me Jimmy: of all the fake girlfriends I could've had Jimmy: lumbered with a dud like Julie over here Janis: find another one then Janis: save me the hassle Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: deal's done Jimmy: posts are posted Janis: people break up Janis: ain't even that deep Jimmy: 1 day in? Jimmy: that's the rep you want Jimmy: alright then Janis: why ain't it your rep Jimmy: I'm the lad I'm always gonna come off better Jimmy: either I dumped you this fast 'cause you wouldn't fuck me or 'cause you did Jimmy: It don't matter to me Jimmy: & It don't look bad for me whichever way Janis: that's bullshit Janis: when's the soonest I can get out of this then Jimmy: yeah but it's the way it'll look Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: not had to stage a fake break up before Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: fuck off with that Janis: all you've done this whole time is whine you didn't get laid Janis: like I stopped you Jimmy: I ain't said shit about it even though you did stop me Jimmy: you're the one with so much chat on the subject Janis: bullshit, you're moaning on and on like I'm gonna feel sorry for you Janis: you could've gone back in, she clearly didn't care you've got a fake girlfriend Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: & you clearly scared her off Jimmy: she didn't know about you, I don't lead with that chat up line Janis: yeah she's that fucking stupid Janis: just 'cos you're oblivious don't reckon everyone else is Jimmy: oblivious to what Jimmy: you weren't there & I didn't give her anything real Jimmy: she can't stalk my socials to check my fake relationship status without my name Janis: when I showed up Janis: to me, playing my part Janis: if you reckon she didn't clock that then you're literally braindead Jimmy: like I said, you scared her off Jimmy: & stopped me Jimmy: why am I repeating myself, are you the drunk one now Janis: bullshit Janis: don't use me as an excuse for whyever you pussied out Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I went back in, I don't need excuses it's literally what happened Jimmy: you fucked it up for me Jimmy: I'm good but nobody's that good Janis: 👌 Janis: whatever makes you feel better about your fuck up Jimmy: whatever makes you feel better about putting on a show for nobody but me & her Janis: you wish Jimmy: if this is your coming out, sure you could track her down & crack on, you did me easy enough Janis: hilarious Janis: even if I was gay, I'd have standards Jimmy: I've got standards but I've also got a nightmare of a fake girlfriend so Jimmy: well paranoid about getting rumbled she is Janis: 1. clearly not Janis: 2. well yeah, 'cos I ain't doing this for my fucking health Janis: like you said, you're gonna fuck up my rep when you've promised the opposite Jimmy: 1. I've already told you, needs must Jimmy: 2. fuck knows why you're doing it when you're so up yourself & convinced you can get anyone else you want Jimmy: like I said & yeah, promised, a deal's a deal Jimmy: I ain't gonna do nowt of the sort Jimmy: just calm down Janis: yeah, this is 100% about getting boys to wanna ride me Janis: boys are easy, no one needs to try to impress yous Janis: and don't tell me to calm down, seriously Janis: 'less you wanna see the opposite Jimmy: I don't give a shit what it's about for you Jimmy: you agreed to do this that's all that matters to me Jimmy: but I knew that's how you 🍀 welcomed the tourists Jimmy: better late than never Janis: stop chatting like you know then, twat Jimmy: only a rule for you that? Jimmy: you've been chatting like you know me this whole night Jimmy: leave it out or show up to my door for the brawl you want & tick off another nightmare girlfriend cliche before tomorrow Janis: you reckon you can propose it and come off all mysterious Janis: nah 😂 Janis: don't worry, sure everyone else is still wondering, new boy Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're probably good now for a few days anyway yeah Janis: so enjoy Jimmy: will do Jimmy: have a good one Jimmy: 💕 Janis: say you too but you're going home? Jimmy: like I said, I'll live Jimmy: got work tomorrow anyway Janis: best to face them not-hungover I guess Jimmy: we can say that's the reason Janis: oh my GOD Janis: give it up Jimmy: already have Jimmy: that's why I'm on my way home Janis: I mean, sadsack, I ain't apologizing Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: so much effort, you Jimmy: you too, babe Jimmy: must be #fated Janis: eurgh Janis: shut up 😂 Jimmy: alright Jimmy: night then Janis: now he listens Jimmy: not on the 🕒 girl, soz Jimmy: soon enough Janis: you hear me asking for a latte Jimmy: I mean your fake boyfriend one Jimmy: & you'd never ask for a latte, piss off Jimmy: I don't have to know you to know that Janis: MY 🕒? Janis: YOUR fake girlfriend one, own it at least Janis: alright, you can 'know' that much Janis: 'cos I'd have to throw it in your face before I drank it so Jimmy: iced it is then Jimmy: burn scars ain't the sexy sort Janis: rude but true Janis: not giving them the satisfaction of a wet t-shirt moment 🤢 Jimmy: shame Janis: like romcoms too do you Janis: seriously, give in to your pride and date fucking Janis: samantha, whatever her name is Jimmy: I watched some before I suggested this 'cause I take this shit seriously, alright, shut up Janis: 😂 Janis: that bodes well Janis: did you not make the end of any, boy Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: I was skimming Jimmy: you ain't paying me nowt for this Janis: well I've been forced through enough to know that it never works because the people are idiots Janis: so try not to be one, eh Janis: just this once Jimmy: same to you, girl Jimmy: I get it, I'm really 💪😎 & the accent's 🔥 but don't get carried away, yeah Janis: 🙄 Janis: we're safe Janis: don't worry Jimmy: not if you keep dressing like that Jimmy: sort it out, Jasmine Jimmy: uglier the better 👌 Janis: dickhead Janis: what you want an ugly fake gf for Jimmy: be more #goals Jimmy: #Iloveheranyway Jimmy: #itaintjustskindeepladies Janis: 😒 Janis: well thanks for the insult but too bad 'cos I ain't ever Jimmy: It was literally the opposite of an insult, dickhead Jimmy: I'm saying I'm still a lad alright Jimmy: & when you look like that it's just Janis: it obviously ain't if until now you reckoned I was #ugenough to get the job done so 🖕 Janis: don't take the piss Jimmy: that ain't what I reckoned or what I said Janis: mhmm Janis: ⛏ Jimmy: you're such a knob Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend can't take a compliment Janis: what kind of fake boyfriend can't give one Janis: that's the real question, babe Jimmy: I literally just told you how hot you looked, babe Jimmy: try & stay with me here Janis: go on then Janis: what's the punchline Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the joke is that I'm back home this early Jimmy: my dad's still up Jimmy: & he ain't the type to wait Janis: that's tragic Janis: poor baby Janis: could be worse, he could still be out Janis: then you'd be a real loser Jimmy: I see that & raise you he's got his girlfriend here Jimmy: might genuinely throw up in the kitchen sink Janis: oh dear Janis: least he might think you're at least drunk, sadsack Jimmy: might get drunk now to deal Jimmy: one sec Janis: honestly Janis: shoulda stayed at the nappy night Janis: weren't that bad Jimmy: if I'd known I was coming home to Michael Bublé & two sets of red wine teeth Jimmy: if you still want that fight come & 💀💀 me Janis: You'll get no mercy from me Janis: even if that's the worst thing I've ever heard Jimmy: come on Jimmy: if that's not truce worthy nowt is Jimmy: end my life & be a hot widow what could be more #goals Janis: 😂 Janis: there's no way I like you that much after a day, even faking it Janis: and no chance we've cashed in any sort of life insurance so Jimmy: actually if I 💀 myself you'll get A's in your exams Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: just leaving you a 💕 note Janis: that's definitely a myth Janis: whole school of scabs turning up at cambo like eyy someone topped themselves so now I'm a professor of theology Janis: I think not Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: & you could've said before I blew my brains out all over my dad & the love of his week but Janis: 🤷 Janis: maybe if you hadn't left it 'til the 💕💀 note to be nice to me Jimmy: when that girl finds out she's gonna think it's because she's a shit kisser Jimmy: that's awkward Jimmy: might have to go haunt her for a bit Jimmy: make sure she knows Jimmy: play some Bublé tunes Janis: again Janis: saving it for the afterlife to be considerate Janis: dickhead Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell 'em none of his songs at my funeral & I won't haunt you too hard Janis: come on, sure he's murdered my way Janis: just your speed Janis: basic white boy Jimmy: It ain't my fault my parents are both too northern to branch out Janis: save it for when your Swayze'ing that bitch Janis: sure she thinks you're dead exotic Jimmy: 👍 idea Jimmy: tah babe Janis: whatever Janis: we've established you've only got 👎 ones so Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: this fake dating one is working out top Jimmy: deny it Jimmy: I saw how everyone reacted to the posts I gave you Janis: you can take a picture Jimmy: & pose for one Jimmy: this basic white boy is working for you Janis: my ancestors will be thrilled Janis: #reparationsbitch Jimmy: mine too, I bet Janis: I mean, anything beats dying down a mine, I suppose Janis: probs racists though, even if the blackface weren't intentional Jimmy: I'd take it over my present right now Jimmy: pretty sure my dad's a racist still, even if he also likes Seal Janis: lovely Janis: remind me to not come over for tea Jimmy: invite's in the post, my love Janis: 👍 Janis: give us all the chance to 'lose' it Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: but I'm giving you the chance to lose it when you come over too so Jimmy: love a fight you Jimmy: & my dad's got a very smackable face Jimmy: & personality Janis: begin to sound more and more like you've got a fetish Jimmy: shit's kicking off right now & I haven't asked you to tag team Jimmy: got me all wrong Janis: bummer Janis: he pick a minger too? Janis: should've left her at the club like you did Jimmy: he'd have to leave her in the office & that don't work for long Jimmy: perils of 😍 over the water cooler Janis: eurgh Janis: is your whole fam just one big cliche or Jimmy: piss off Janis: just saying Janis: that's two no-nos ticked off Jimmy: well don't say it Jimmy: I'm living it, that's enough Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Jimmy: don't fuck anyone I wouldn't Jimmy: saves us comparing notes Janis: the basic white girls and you are safe Janis: I'll never find out how disappointing you are 💕 Jimmy: You've misunderstood this entire thing, you're my fake girlfriend 'cause I don't wanna fuck basic white girls Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: I thought so too but you must be the confused one Janis: strobe lights were not going that hard Jimmy: she weren't top of my list Jimmy: I told you, needs must Janis: keep protesting, it's so convincing Janis: least it's just me who caught you out 😂 could've been worse Jimmy: alright shut up Jimmy: you've never had a shit night, have you Janis: obviously not Janis: have you seen me Jimmy: you ain't getting no more compliments I'm still holding onto the last one since you wouldn't take it Janis: 1. it was not a compliment Janis: 2. not like I need it Jimmy: 1. yeah it was Jimmy: 2. nah you just want it Janis: 1. no Janis: 2. and no Jimmy: Obviously you're fit that's why I asked you so leave it out Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: p sure you told me to leave it 'cos you were losing but Jimmy: need more chatting up than a real girlfriend you Janis: that's just a tragic insight into your dating history I didn't need, really Jimmy: you wish, baby Janis: ew cease and desist Janis: we definitely no'd that one Jimmy: 😂 Janis: so annoying Jimmy: I told you, #fated Janis: you call it #fated, I call it #doomed Jimmy: it's all still bollocks Jimmy: no # needed Jimmy: 💕 Janis: so poetic Jimmy: wait til you read the 💀 note Janis: I look forward to it Janis: how long 'fore I can move on with the actual hot barista though Jimmy: a day for a day Jimmy: only fair Jimmy: I get it, you couldn't score him first time round so get him with the sympathy Jimmy: well played Janis: you gave me no time Janis: not like it's my usual haunt Jimmy: it's still your home town Jimmy: get a better excuse Janis: I don't make it my business to know everyone else's Jimmy: if he's that hot no need for him to be just a rebound off my demise Jimmy: sort yourself out, girl Janis: sort yourself out for doubting his hotness Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: I'm doubting your ability to close that deal Janis: fuck you Janis: never had an off day, remember Jimmy: only got your word for that Jimmy: & what's that worth with how much shit you chat Janis: whatever Janis: you already said you think I'm hot Janis: can't change your mind now Jimmy: you are Jimmy: don't mean that basic white lad wants you Janis: why wouldn't he Jimmy: I'll let you know when I've chatted to him on shift tomorrow Jimmy: maybe he likes his missus' more humble for a start Janis: no you won't Janis: and humble is just code for no self-esteem which you only want to cover up your own failings Jimmy: yeah I will Jimmy: & yeah maybe he's into that Jimmy: loads of lads are Janis: um he's #special and #different Janis: so don't ruin it for me with your chatter Jimmy: you're blinded by your 😍 Jimmy: & you ruined tonight for me so why shouldn't I Jimmy: makes us even Janis: no it don't Janis: she weren't no barista boy, get real Jimmy: don't matter to me Jimmy: nowt in the rules about keeping things fair Jimmy: we didn't even come up with any so Janis: even=fair so you don't get to get even by that logic, fool Janis: and pretty self-explanatory, just real relationship rules but make them fake Jimmy: even as I call it, fair as I call it Janis: fuck that Janis: you don't get to call everything Jimmy: watch me Janis: nah, you need me Janis: remember Janis: that's why it's a deal Jimmy: maybe I don't need you as much as I reckoned Jimmy: the basic white girl tonight weren't that bad Janis: like I said, call it off then Janis: in what world do I need to do what you tell me Jimmy: in the same world where you think I would do anything you tell me Jimmy: so the one we're in Janis: I ain't told you to do shit Jimmy: you are now Jimmy: call it off yourself, don't try & make me do it for you Janis: I'm saying don't act like you've got something over me Janis: at least something that I don't also have over you Janis: it ain't that deep, God Jimmy: deep enough for you to keep saying it ain't Jimmy: so convincing, babe Janis: 😑 Janis: you're the most annoying person I've had the misfortune of meeting Jimmy: nah 🥇 you Janis: well I love myself Janis: so obviously not Jimmy: let's ask about Jimmy: I reckon you'll win easy Janis: only if we were asking only the girls Janis: and you're new, you're basically anything they want you to be 'til your personality ruins it Jimmy: you're so popular with the lads, alright I heard you the first 100 times you said it Jimmy: get one of them to fake date you Janis: nah, this is the first sincere offer of fake dating I've ever Janis: so you can still feel special Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I can go to bed feeling like this is better than anything I could dream Jimmy: tah so much Janis: welcome Janis: do what I can Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: so far it's piss me off but let's see what tomorrow brings Janis: ain't on the ⏲ Janis: you didn't do all the convincing yourself though Jimmy: you ain't the one who needs to be convinced of owt Jimmy: thank fuck Jimmy: easy targets Janis: ain't saying I am Janis: saying give me the credit I'm owed and you'll get yours Jimmy: bollocks Janis: ? Jimmy: you were ready to slag me off earlier & loving it when you could give me credit for getting off with someone who ain't gonna ruin this Janis: it ain't the who it's the where, twat Janis: it ain't your hometown, you ain't got a clue who was or wasn't there, lbr Janis: give a fuck if you took her home but you can't be doing it in public 'til this is done Janis: simple as Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: trust me Janis: why? Janis: I don't know you, you don't know me Jimmy: we're in this together or we're fucking not Jimmy: if I weren't as bothered as you I wouldn't be wasting my time Janis: fine Janis: don't be stupid about it then Jimmy: I weren't & I won't Janis: then there's no problem here Jimmy: 👍 Janis: night then Jimmy: 💕 Janis: remember to ❤ the pics Jimmy: already did Jimmy: try & keep up with me, girl Janis: 👌 Janis: keen as always, boy Jimmy: serious Jimmy: remember that next time Janis: yeah, I was the one taking it not serious Janis: 👍 Jimmy: just do better tomorrow Janis: are you actually taking the piss Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: one for the road, like Janis: mm Janis: as I said Janis: most annoying Jimmy: as I said, SUCH a good match Janis: just convince them and we're both free Jimmy: already did that too Jimmy: so say the word Jimmy: any time or place Janis: and you already said if we leave it at a fuck, I look bad so Janis: sorry, not yet Jimmy: I'm just saying Jimmy: whenever Janis: alright, I know Janis: not like it's a legally binding contract Jimmy: so I shouldn't have opened a vein to sign something in my blood Jimmy: now she tells me Jimmy: always too late you Janis: 😏 Janis: earlier it was brains, now it's veins Janis: should I call the samaritans Janis: starting to sound like a cry for help, idk 🤔 Jimmy: you heard me say what's happening in my house tonight Jimmy: it is & you should Janis: 😂 Jimmy: glad you find MB on a loop such a laugh Janis: as long as it's drowning out worse Janis: be thankful Jimmy: do you actually want me to 💀💀💀 Janis: awh babe, no Janis: I don't care whether you live or die either way Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the type of service you get for free, kid Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [ze next morning] Janis: I've got to come in later Jimmy: really need to throw that latte on me? Janis: ha, obviously Janis: tell me when my sister and that get there, yeah Janis: remember what they look like Jimmy: it was only a handful of kisses, you gotta get over your jealousy about last night, Jill Jimmy: & yeah Jimmy: my best customers that's the type of service you get here at the CG Janis: strangely enough, not about you or my fake jealousy Janis: just lay off the charm offensive for five when I get there, that's all I need you to do Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: see you then Jimmy: in a bit Janis: it'll be easy, no drama Jimmy: no fake break up then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: sorry to disappoint Jimmy: yeah I'm well 💔💔💔 Janis: make it up to you Janis: you'll get tons more #lad points Jimmy: clearly my top priority tah Jimmy: what's going on? Janis: I know you're just as 😍 for him Janis: nah, nothing, my sister's just being more of a bitch than usual Jimmy: you can't know I've been so careful with my 💘 & 😍 around him so there Jimmy: & what you wanna shut her up Janis: oh babes 🙊 Janis: yep Janis: need to, actually, but that's the gist Jimmy: don't she believe we're madly in love? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: appaz, you have no control over your 😍 at all 'cos she #knows you're into her so Janis: 👌 tah Jimmy: 1. she can piss off 'cause I've never Jimmy: 2. I know exactly what to do Janis: yeah, she's full of shit Janis: well so do I but open to ideas Jimmy: you get to do what you want, she's your sister & they weren't my 😍 Janis: 👍 stick to the plan then Janis: she's an idiot, you have to be blatant or she won't get it Jimmy: you gonna tell me the plan or nah Jimmy: & I get paid not to be blatant, gutted as I am about it Janis: you won't get in trouble Janis: not gonna go that hard Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: like you're as dumb as her? Janis: just gotta come be really #goals in their faces Janis: 5 minutes, tops Janis: easy Jimmy: double it if you wanna be #convincing Jimmy: never given a girl so little time in my life Janis: #swoon 😏 Janis: like I said, not gonna go that hard 'cos it has to be in front of them Janis: that's the whole point Janis: just look like you're having fun, yeah? Jimmy: you have to go hard in front of them, that's the whole point Jimmy: not as dumb as her tah Janis: 10 minutes is a bit much for making out Janis: could get it done in that time Jimmy: who have you been making out with? Jimmy: actually gutted for you Jimmy: can't even add the piss taking emojis right now Janis: shut up Janis: I'm not gonna suck face with you for 10 minutes Jimmy: if you can't hack it, call it off now Janis: 😑 Janis: just tell me when they're there Jimmy: said I would Janis: saving the enthusiasm, I get it Jimmy: that & drying my eyes over your real dating history Janis: what are you chatting now Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: just making ☕ Jimmy: you're the one giving away your shit kissing secrets Janis: piss off Janis: there's nothing wrong with my kissing Janis: it's just the boring bit, everyone knows that Janis: may as well skip it Jimmy: if you're doing it wrong, yeah Janis: you aren't an expert Janis: people like different shit, alright Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: you ain't meant to be coming in swinging Janis: stop being a dick then Janis: it's off-putting Jimmy: if you're that easy to put off this fake relationship is properly doomed Janis: I told you Jimmy: get it together or don't come Janis: I'm fine Janis: you're the one chatting shit Janis: you've got one job Jimmy: two Jimmy: get it right, rich girl Janis: yeah, so drop the relationship therapist bit Janis: no one's buying Jimmy: I get it, you're rich 'cause you're tight with every penny Janis: You're just full of shit, and I get that for free Janis: 🍀 me Jimmy: you wish I were Jimmy: but we ain't making 'em come true until the girls get here so Janis: why would I want that Jimmy: my therapist bit's been dropped Jimmy: at your request Janis: we'll talk about this comedian bit later Janis: I've got things to do Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: me too Janis: things that require more than one braincell but Janis: happy for you Jimmy: soz I'm not performing brain surgery right now Jimmy: well patronizing you Janis: whatever Janis: unlikely to catch my sister or obs so suits my purpose Janis: on* Jimmy: happy for you Janis: suits yours too Janis: or were you looking for someone to be really into you slobbering all over them Janis: shoulda been clearer Jimmy: there's nowt about kissing you for exactly 5 minutes mid shift at my job which suits me Jimmy: but go on Janis: I said 5, tops Janis: get it done in less if you're gonna be so moody Janis: yes or no, can I come in or what Jimmy: do what you want it's your masterplan Janis: well not if you're actually gonna get in trouble Jimmy: like you give a shit about my job security Jimmy: plenty of places to make a latte in this town Janis: I ain't that much of a bitch Jimmy: who knows maybe you'll do me a favor & force me into a job that requires two braincells next Janis: shut up Janis: it was a joke Janis: and you started it Jimmy: really funny you Janis: backatcha Jimmy: 💕 Janis: forget about it Jimmy: alright Janis: nothing lost, yeah Jimmy: nowt gained either but Jimmy: whatever Janis: well despite what you reckon, my secondary goal wasn't to get you sacked so Janis: sorta outweighs the need to get back at them Jimmy: you couldn't get me sacked if you tried Jimmy: you've got one foot out the door before you're even in Janis: you want me hanging about all day Jimmy: not what I said or meant Jimmy: I've had more of a connection with a customer whose order got fucked up than what you're planning to give me Jimmy: who the fuck is that meant to convince Jimmy: but I'm the one not doing this properly Janis: maybe we should fake hang out some more after this Janis: alright Janis: but all you've gotta convince 'em rn is that you wanna fuck me Janis: that's all they care about Jimmy: then I'll let you know when they show up Jimmy: like I said Janis: yeah? Janis: alright Janis: thanks Jimmy: nowt to thank me for Jimmy: blue balls is easy to fake when my dad's getting fucked more often than me Janis: 🎻 then Jimmy: 💔 but I got all those MB jams from last night in my head to mend it Janis: come through for you after-all Jimmy: he'll come to me forever now with those words of wisdom Jimmy: I'll never be free Jimmy: mind numbing job combined with mind numbing family life Jimmy: so few braincells Janis: what was it you said at the start of this convo Janis: need to let it go Jimmy: I can say what I like Jimmy: who are you Jimmy: let go of your fake being bothered Janis: fine Janis: have fun chatting shit to your customers then Jimmy: I survive on tips so I very much will Janis: don't know if sob story is the way you wanna go but Janis: you do you Jimmy: if you're sobbing, you do you Jimmy: probably get out of the mansion a bit more though Jimmy: it's fairly common out here Janis: boohoo? Janis: lemme dry my tears on a 50 Janis: what do you expect me to say Jimmy: don't say nowt Jimmy: shut up Janis: erm, say what I like Janis: who are you Jimmy: the one you're chatting shit to Jimmy: fuck knows why Janis: fucking hell Janis: what is wrong with you this morning Jimmy: the same thing that's wrong with me every morning Jimmy: but since you don't know me Jimmy: 1. it's news to you and 2. we don't need to go into it Janis: 👍 Janis: later Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: [skip to lunch time when they'd show up & so would loads of other people lol] Jimmy: head's up, Juliet, your time to shine Janis: right Janis: okay, be there in 10 Jimmy: take as long as you need Jimmy: they ain't even ordered yet Jimmy: it'll look weird if you come through the door too soon after them Jimmy: like we planned it Janis: ha Janis: true enough Janis: they can kill a fair while, I imagine Janis: clean up properly then Jimmy: they can when they're too busy talking about us to pick up a menu Janis: ugh Janis: fun Jimmy: I'd forgotten Mia was still capable of speech Jimmy: I thought all the throwing up had destroyed her throat entirely Jimmy: she usually just communicates via 💀 stares Jimmy: I see why you two get on so well Janis: if you keep making me tell you I'm special and universally loved, you can't get mad at me for it, like Janis: and it's you that she's made the impression on Janis: that's Janis: nice Jimmy: getting mad at you for not taking a real compliment from your fake boyfriend ain't the same as not patting you on the back for being a dickhead Jimmy: yeah obviously hurry up or I'll run away with her Jimmy: won't be able to help myself & you've been warned Janis: highly doubt she can run Janis: bit cold to give her heart failure but I'm not crying here so Jimmy: I'll carry her then, more #goals anyway Janis: how Janis: she weighs sod all Jimmy: still get the rom com visual Jimmy: all that matters Janis: nah Janis: try and shift the big one Janis: that'd be something Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: easy 💪🏆 Janis: can't just promise her free pastries Janis: that's cheating Jimmy: you can't just start imposing rules now Jimmy: too little too late Jimmy: & shamelessly cheating Janis: 🙄 she'd go with anyone for a cream cake Janis: even the least hot one Jimmy: like I said, easy Janis: ugh okay Janis: guess it counts as a win Janis: not happy about it though Jimmy: I'm not happy about doing my back in for her but Janis: needs must? Jimmy: you know Jimmy: how cute that we're finishing each other's sentences though 😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: if you could find a subtle way to let 'em know how goals we're being Jimmy: I've been 😍 at my phone since they came in, don't worry Jimmy: not an amateur Janis: good thing I stopped chatting or it'd be more like 😒 Janis: kinda cute but not really painting me in the best light Jimmy: like you said, only got one job Jimmy: I'll paint you in the best light you've ever Janis: 👍 Janis: you want me to leave it in the tip jar or bit too obvious Jimmy: where'd your sense of humor spring from? Jimmy: MIA a bit ago Janis: that was you Janis: cheek! Jimmy: can't be a comedian which you called me & a moody cunt which you may as well have Jimmy: make your mind up, Jenna Janis: if you can't do what I want and don't do what I don't, without any helpful direction, what kind of boyfriend are you Janis: tbh Jimmy: the fake kind Jimmy: & I'll fake owt you need me to Jimmy: starting as soon as Janis: 😍 Janis: you know the drill, yeah? Janis: swear I'll piss off long before they've even asked for extra sprinkles, probably Jimmy: not my first girlfriend or barista job Jimmy: but that is an offer I can't refuse Janis: spare us both the debrief then 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: actually do hurry up though they're doing my head in Janis: you know they ain't gonna leave with me, yeah Janis: stunned into silence is a big ask, can try but Jimmy: I don't have to try Jimmy: it'll happen Jimmy: & I'll take it Janis: let the 💋 do the talking Jimmy: it will do Jimmy: louder than the bollocks they're chatting Jimmy: I told you, I know what I'm doing Janis: they do that, a lot Janis: should know better than me now Janis: I can try and avoid them out of school Jimmy: best customers remember, I do know Jimmy: & we're doing this 'cause I can't avoid them here Janis: exactly Janis: not forgot Janis: nor am I as dumb as them, tah Jimmy: skip the 'on the previous episode of the CG' bit then Jimmy: nowt you can tell me about any of 'em Jimmy: & even less I'd wanna know Janis: I ain't telling you anything Janis: it's all bullshit anyway Janis: whatever they're saying, that's a guarantee Jimmy: way ahead of you on that, sweetheart Janis: hope that's not the patronizing tone you settled on for your punters Janis: 😬 Jimmy: so you are worried about my job security Jimmy: well romantic 💕 Janis: I told you I weren't that bitch Janis: am leaving though Janis: be there in a few Jimmy: good Janis: what happened to take the time you need, boy Janis: only took a shower Janis: be grateful Jimmy: I said they're doing my head in Jimmy: & you already called me moody so Jimmy: tah for the romantic gesture of showering though Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so you gotta take every opportunity to be as sulky as? Janis: come on, I'll call you lots of better things if that's how it works Jimmy: do you want me to react to you kissing me like 😒 Jimmy: if the answer is yeah, take your time Janis: I thought you had this Janis: was your last gf a glutton for punishment or something 'cos no Jimmy: she weren't fake Jimmy: didn't have to pretend to be into it Jimmy: puts you at 👎 before you've kicked things off Janis: you said it weren't hard Janis: so which is it Jimmy: when did I ever say kissing you wasn't the bane of my life Jimmy: must've been drunk Jimmy: if I did Janis: grow up Janis: kiss's a kiss Janis: unless there's some unsexy scalding issue or similar Jimmy: not part of the deal, baby Jimmy: & no it ain't Jimmy: there's a whole scale of good & shit if you want me to rate you in a bit Janis: oh yeah! Janis: what girl doesn't want that Jimmy: if a kiss is a kiss what do you care Jimmy: don't matter, does it Janis: we don't trust each other, remember Janis: you'll just say I'm shit to be that dickhead Janis: and I know I ain't so who needs to hear more of your nonsense Jimmy: you don't trust me, I never said nowt about you Jimmy: I ain't that dickhead & I don't lie Jimmy: you're just shitting yourself about what the truth is Jimmy: that ain't my fault or problem Janis: sure Janis: your opinion ain't fact Jimmy: never said it were Jimmy: or that I give a fuck if you want it or don't Jimmy: I'm not 💔 that you don't like me Janis: you just called it the truth Janis: and you 100% said you don't trust me last night too so shut up, casual gaslighting here Janis: I wouldn't be Janis: don't like anyone, nothing to get upset about, ain't that deep, ain't that personal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: how many times are you gonna try & tell me it ain't that deep like you don't have shit to lose if this fucks up Jimmy: you shut up, girl Jimmy: focus Janis: oh no, they'll bitch about me in cafes harder Janis: whatever will I do Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: end it then Jimmy: stop wasting my time Janis: as far as foreplay goes Janis: this is topnotch Janis: truly Jimmy: if I cared about you being turned on, we'd have bigger problems Jimmy: be in or get out Janis: don't worry, makes you the same as the rest of the lads Janis: I'm literally walking Jimmy: that ain't what I mean Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: it matters to you or it don't so which is it Janis: come on Janis: ain't doing this for my health Janis: or a laugh, thankfully Jimmy: stop taking the piss then Jimmy: save your 🙄 for them on your way in & out Janis: alright, whatever Janis: I ain't asked you why you're really that arsed so you don't need to ask me Janis: it don't matter Jimmy: I ain't asking Jimmy: I'm telling you I ain't gonna keep threatening to pull the plug every time you have a strop Jimmy: & I'm the one who's acting 12, yeah alright Jimmy: sort your shit or leave me & it out Janis: oh my God Janis: who's told you to Janis: if emojis count as strops then you're fucked Jimmy: piss off Janis: literally just got here Jimmy: you're so fucking Janis: save it Janis: [comes in] Jimmy: [intense eye contact cos we know] Janis: [we know what happens not giving much chance for chat here] Jimmy: [just like we know he shamelessly ain't that good at faking anything] Janis: [when you have to bounce 'cos what was that] Jimmy: [the levels of hot it would be, I literally can't. It's a miracle they ever speak again]

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: Is the baby still at ours? Janis: Iggy just told me Janis: What's going on Grace: They came and got her not long ago Grace: It's wild! Grace: How much did Iggy even tell you, like omg?! Janis: You know, he's Mr. CCC about fucking everything Janis: if any of the rest of yous had said something, I'd have thought you was taking the piss Janis: Is she even allowed to do this? Janis: Last I heard was Rio wants the baby back and Junie don't want it Janis: Ma just standing there holding it like umm 😂 Grace: Exactly why I let him do the honors Grace: Obvs! The baby came out of her she can do what she wants Janis: I dunna, surely Demi gets a say Janis: This is fuuuuucked, man Grace: Duh! He's still her dad Grace: They'll have to share Grace: Awkward Janis: Literally, how is that gonna work Janis: if Junie's dumping him Janis: Fucking hell, do we still have to have him over for family functions Grace: Idek Grace: Doubt it. Buster doesn't parade his exes around at them Grace: It'll be like that, I guess Janis: 🙄 Janis: As if they weren't becoming enough of a who's who of has beens Janis: Dying Janis: Why did they think this was a good idea, again? Grace: I'm like, did they even? Junie obvs didn't Grace: Ugh Grace: Only this family omg Janis: Well that's a whole 'nother situation Janis: he's JUST had his 22nd, literally yesterday Janis: and it's his first boyfriend Janis: Yeah, time to go get a baby and a ring Janis: Ma and Pa got 'em fucked up Grace: So true Grace: It's cringe that that's ancient by ma's standards, babes Grace: And that this fam can't go a year without bringing the drama Grace: Remind me of all this if I ever ask you to have a baby for me Janis: Literally bitch, we was cooking by then Janis: she's insane, not a role model, like Janis: Ha, you'd never Janis: Could turn out like me Janis: You'd die Grace: omg ew Grace: let's cancel that idea forever Grace: by the time I get a new man you'll have 4 with barista boy anyways obvs Grace: no room in the oven, honey Janis: Planning on taking forever, are ya? Janis: 🤢 Leave off Grace: Yeah. Single and loving it, thank you, bitch Grace: You're gonna make loads of cute babies with him and you know it Janis: Good, 'cos how embarrassing to have your baby drama overshadowed by Ri's like Janis: Can't have that Janis: Nu-uh, count me on team Junie, for the first time in probably ever, like Grace: Sure Jan Grace: I'll believe that when I see it Grace: 😂 Janis: See the lack of babies dropping out me, like Grace: I'll see you pushing a twin pram Grace: 💕 Janis: Oh no Janis: Can you imagine Janis: War flashbacks Janis: Not again Grace: I thought Ri was gonna have twins Grace: Double the drama Janis: Could take one each and bounce, tho Janis: Be helpful now Grace: OMG Grace: One randomly has a american accent too Grace: Amazing Janis: Demi would love it Janis: The theatrics Janis: He can't even deny it Grace: I wonder if he'll still go to Paris Janis: I would Janis: What's he going to do here? Janis: God I hope so, can't deal with the moping and shit Grace: Um, be a dad like he was so desperate too, I'd hope Janis: Yeah how bad he gonna want that now he can't have his designer gaybie Grace: He still has her though Grace: Rio isn't going to stop him seeing her or anything Janis: It ain't the same though, is it Janis: Not the dream he was buying into Grace: Duh, but if he wants Venus as badly as he said he did then he'll have to cope Janis: Nah Janis: don't reckon it was about her Janis: All about the lifestyle Janis: like a small dog in a designer handbag, init Grace: How rude Grace: I hope you're wrong Grace: Poor baby Janis: Meh, she'll be looked after Janis: Jay's better without her Ma Grace: But Demi isn't as bad as that, is he? Grace: For real like Janis: I don't know Janis: Never really talked to him tbh Janis: He's annoying Grace: He is A LOT Grace: And that's from me Janis: 😂 Janis: Such a good match with Junie, like Janis: fuck's sake, boy Grace: Opposites might attract but they never stick Grace: Has he never read a magazine, god Grace: Obvs not Janis: Cosmo ain't really his speed, babe Janis: Shoulda clued him in Grace: Yeah right! I didn't want to tell you all of this in case you didn't believe, imagine the vibe if I tried to school him on his love life Grace: And with my past boyfriends Grace: ugh Janis: Fair, and if I showed up and heard a screaming brat, I'd be straight back out the door, like Janis: Yeah, but he's even more clueless than you, like 😜 Grace: Liar, you love being a sister-in-law to your bae's sibs Grace: And she's such a cutie 😍 Grace: Excuse you! You better mean I've got the film aesthetic down, bitch Grace: I'm woke Janis: They don't cry, much Janis: and can both wipe their own arses Janis: I can deal with that, like Janis: Sure, sure 😂 just saying, did he need such a rude awakening? couldn't just realise he weren't the one before dragging a kid into it Grace: Where's the lie, girl? Grace: Had that scare myself though, so can't shade too hard Grace: Even though I am 😈 Janis: Boys Janis: So clueless, so stupid Janis: Not that Rio comes out looking much better but Janis: Hopefully we can get out of this without having to involve the law or the social 🤞 lads Grace: Literally! I'm not trying to go on a chatshow with this weave Grace: Trackies are more your vibe Janis: Gonna ask why, but now I get it Janis: Scared I'll snatch it live on air Grace: That or kick off and kick out at me in last season's nike air Grace: So shaming babe Janis: Fuck off 😂 Janis: whatever I'm wearing cost twice as much as your overpriced topshop garbage Grace: Hence I'm not showing myself up like on air Grace: Catch me in labels or leave me out Janis: Unless you wanna fuck Nance Janis: the rich cousins are claimed Grace: EWW Grace: There are enough websites advertising sugar daddies if I can't pay my own bills Grace: no need to go gay or keep it in the family thanks Janis: I dunna, sounds like you wanna fill Ri's stripper shoes to me Janis: Take her place 'til she works of the baby weight Janis: No one would notice Grace: Girl you better stop! I don't have the body for that Grace: Even with baby weight she'd earn more in tips like Janis: Yeah, you're so butterz like Janis: its alright, pixels hide many sins Janis: and they've gotta be at least a little short-sighted with all the wanking they do Grace: OMG shut up Grace: So gross Grace: Like I haven't had enough online drama to fill a life Janis: I mean, was thinking it was quite the #brand switch-up but Janis: gotta get that viewer engagement baby Grace: 🙄 Janis: Please tell me Rio's gonna change its name tho Grace: What would she even choose tho? Grace: it's not that bad Grace: Heard more cringey ones Janis: Its awful Janis: Full on stripper name Janis: least give the kid a choice about it, like, eurgh Grace: What are you gonna name all your barista boy babies? I'm dying to know Grace: And judge Janis: Please Janis: I told you, not happening, so I ain't thought about it, have I? 🙄 Grace: 😂 Grace: You so have Janis: Bitch no Janis: You were always in to knocking poor Barbie and co up Janis: not me, bitch shoulda kept living lavish Grace: You can do both Grace: Get with the times, babes Janis: Bullshit Janis: That's a lie yummy mummy's say to feel better about the fakeness of their labels, trust Grace: Mum did okay, hardly living in a cardboard palace, are we? Grace: And she had loads, I'm not thinking you'll go that hard Janis: Imagine how mint you'd have it as an only child though Janis: or if she had none Grace: Believe me I have Janis: Unlucky Janis: even if you were riding solo you're still #7 Grace: Lucky 7 😇 Janis: If that makes you feel better, babe 😂 Grace: How soon do you think we're gonna all have to roll out and see the baby? Grace: It's gonna be soooooooooooo awkward Janis: Hopefully we'll just smooth over it like we do everything, eh Grace: Gonna have to take back all my yay gay & I love my two daddies gifts Janis: Good Janis: Vom inducing much Grace: Demi would've gushed and you know it Janis: Didn't take much Janis: #loose Grace: You're so savage about him Grace: You didn't even know him you said Janis: He was a prick, didn't need to look hard, or listen, to see it Grace: 🙄 Janis: If he was a top bloke Janis: Wouldn't have made Junie have a kid with him Grace: But you didn't know that's what he was doing, don't lie that hard, babe Janis: Yeah, I ain't saying that Janis: He's just an annoying cunt, standard Janis: but now we see the whole truth of it Grace: That boiling hot tea Janis: Just glad its another one off the Christmas card list Grace: Ugh true, can't treat myself and all of you Grace: Poor Junior though, his birthday is trash now Janis: Dunna why you bother, we're still young enough to not get side eye over it Janis: I got it fuck all, like Janis: Yeah, bad timing, worse luck forreal Grace: He should be loving life with uni over Grace: So tragic Grace: 💔 Janis: Is he ever loving life Janis: Let's be real Grace: Ouch Grace: You've got a point though Janis: The facade is gone now though Janis: He'll have to deal with his shit like the rest of us Grace: mhm Grace: 👏 Janis: This fucking family Grace: Your bf has it worse tho, his dad is a proper headcase, right? Janis: Yeah, he's a right cunt Grace: Seems like it from the little one's vibe Grace: He doesn't like you still either, how rude Grace: never gonna let you 💍 in Janis: Yeah, you know your a right tosser when even kids don't fuck with you Janis: Idc, I'm unlikeable Grace: 😂 Thanks for letting me off saying it Grace: You lovebirds need your own place Janis: 🖕 Janis: Working on it Janis: May as well wait to see where we go for college tho Grace: Yeah Grace: If he gonna do photography? He's really gifted at the snaps Janis: Yeah Grace: Make sure he doesn't forget my clout Grace: Or willingness as a subject Janis: 😏 Janis: how could he forget Grace: SHUT UP Grace: you know what I'm saying, bitch! Janis: 👌 Janis: got it, calling all men in need of muses, like Grace: 🙄 Grace: You doing a night walk with your dog squad later? Janis: Yeah, why, you scouting for 🐶 talent? Grace: I'm just asking if I can come with or is 3 humans a crowd 💘 Grace: The gym was such a non-event today 😭 Janis: You can come with Janis: No doubt Jim will think I'm bullshitting so you can fill him in on this ridiculousness Grace: yay Grace: he might not believe this face either even though it's one of a 😇 obvs Janis: Overcome with a pressing need to take your photo, we get it, bitch 😜 Grace: 😂 Grace: Not hard to compete with your resting bitch face, babes Janis: Please Grace: And I don't need to hear how much he loves your O face before you go there, thanks Grace: TMI with the 🏩 antics Janis: You're the one who brought it up, babe Janis: 🤷 kinda sounds like you want the goss Grace: Please Grace: I just know how nasty you are Janis: Now you just sound jealous 😂 Grace: I said I love being single not that I love not getting any Grace: Excuse me Janis: 😬🤢 Janis: definitely did NOT ask Janis: gross Grace: You can cope Janis: Hmm Janis: Barely Grace: Pablo's literally tripped over you and your boy sooo many times Grace: but I'm the gross one, okay sure Janis: Maybe he's the gross one then Janis: Clearly doing it on purpose, weirdo Grace: Or maybe you are Grace: Exhibitionist Janis: Yeah, well want you lot to see Janis: Nutter 🙄 Janis: all up in my business 24/7 you gon' see some things Grace: 🙄