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naughtyneganjdm · 5 months ago

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Christmas in Jackson - Chapter 7

Summary: Joel grows incredibly attached to Y/N and panics that he may not be good enough for her. Through his worries, the two of them grow closer and share their second date.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Tommy Miller, Maria Miller, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/61159651/chapters/160286590

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Negative Thoughts, Extensive Touching, Naked Cuddling, Smut, Oral, Unprotected P in V, etc.

Notes: I feel weird updating this when it's way past Christmas, but hey! At least I started it before Christmas lol! Thanks to those of you that read! I already have the next chapter done and ready to go up, I'm just going to give it a few days. If you'd like to read previous chapters, check them out here.

Last night was very unexpected. After discovering Joel’s broken watch for the first time, Y/N was incredibly close to being thrown out of his home. Yet, somehow, she managed to convince him to let her stay. How she was able to do that surprised even Joel himself. Waking up this morning was confusing for Joel. While he was still in pain, having Y/N sleep in his arms beside him seemed to numb that ache that had lingered for so long. Truthfully? It confused him how fast she was able to come into his life and provide him with some sense of happiness. Someone he had barely known for long was healing him in ways he never knew possible. And that was scary, but he didn’t want to run away from her.

Before they had fallen asleep last night, they just talked. Respecting his boundaries, she never pushed things too far. One thing she never did was let go of his hand, continuing to show him the support that he needed. Eventually they had fallen asleep. No one had ever put up this much effort to want to be near him or fix him. And he understood why. Mess would be an understatement when it came to him. But she saw through that and saw someone broken. Someone who was much like her that needed time to open himself up.

When he woke up, instead of waking her, he just watched her sleep. Even sleeping, she took his breath away. Although he knew she was just as broken and in as much pain as he was, she looked so peaceful. Like in her dreams it was the one escape from reality for her, whereas with him, until she came around, Joel’s dreams were often the scariest place for him.

Stroking his thumb over the back of her hand, Joel cuddled his head in closer to hers. Since the moment he woke up, all he could think about was future scenarios between them in his mind. Where this relationship was headed was a mystery even to himself. All he knew was that he was growing addicted to the way she made him feel. Now that he had it, he was consistently yearning to be near her and touched by her. And then there was that question he hated to ask himself. Was this something that could really work between them? They were two unbelievably broken people that didn’t think very highly of themselves. Yet? The world brought them together. They barely knew one another, but he had connected with her more in the days that she was there than he had anyone in years.

A gnawing thought repeated in his mind when he thought about her though. And that was the idea that he wasn’t good enough for her. Knowing what he did, Joel did consider that his past was way too dark for her. That she deserved someone better than him. Someone who could be endlessly positive for her and uplift her in ways Joel knew that he would never be able to do. At least not immediately. How could someone like her fall for someone like him when he hated himself so much to begin with? Really? He didn’t see what she saw in him.

If things did somehow work between them, there was also the thought of her going home. What would happen when she left Jackson to return to New York City? When he mentioned long distance relationships being nearly impossible, he meant it. They hardly worked out. Especially having her across the country from him. Relationships where two people lived in the same city were hard enough. How was being in a relationship with someone across the country going to work?

Deep down, he knew that he didn’t want to leave her side. She was the first person to bring warmth back into him again. More than anything, he had a need to want to be touched. To be wanted. In her, he found comfort. Most nights were agony for him. Drinking himself to sleep was maybe the only way he could avoid the atrocities that went on in his mind when he slept. Every day was hard. Waking up was miserable for him. But during the two nights she was with him? His nightmares were gone. His sleep was unbroken. While she didn’t erase all the pain he was suffering from, she made him hurt less. She helped him heal in ways he didn’t think were possible.

Lifting up slightly, Joel leaned across the bed and pressed a loving kiss at her forehead. The warmth of his kiss had her breathing growing louder, but she was still sleeping soundly when he pulled back. Carefully he unhooked his fingers from hers and unhurriedly got up from the bed. The last thing that he wanted to do was wake her up. Right now, he just wanted to get a shower in and then maybe make them something for breakfast. Some alone time with the two of them would be good for them. That way they could talk things out and see where they could go from here.

Moving around the room, Joel quietly pushed through his drawers to grab some clothes for after his shower. Once he had everything he needed, he checked on her again to make sure she was okay. Heading into the bathroom, he only partially closed the door not wanting to disrupt her sleep. Stripping down, he turned the shower on and was quick to step inside. Allowing himself to relax beneath the warm water pouring down over his body, he pressed his hands against the wall of the shower and sighed.

Still, his mind was focused solely on her. On how everything inside of him wanted Y/N. Getting her off his mind seemed pretty impossible at this point. What he wanted was consistently fighting with what his brain kept repeating. There was that fear that this wouldn’t work out. And his brain was playing that unbearable thought repeatedly. Trying to convince himself that wasn’t true was hard. For the longest time, he thought he deserved this pain. The ache that lived inside of him for so long.

Breaking him from his own thoughts, Joel heard the sound of the shower door opening. Tensing up, he listened to the sound of it close. Sucking in a sharp breath of air, his head tipped down when he felt hands caressing up over the lengths of his back toward his shoulders. Sighing loudly, he felt the warmth of another body closing the distance between them to join him underneath the spray of the water. His eyes came to a tight close, his breathing becoming broken. Loosely, arms wrapped around his torso hugging him firmly from behind. Tiny kisses were being pressed against his shoulders and it sent chills down his spine.

“What are you doing?” Joel hummed, dropping his arms down to hook his fingers with hers. Bringing her hand up, Joel deposited a kiss at the back of her hand.

“Taking a shower with you,” she alerted him, continuing her kisses.

Considering his options, Joel swallowed down hard and turned to face her. His chest was rising and falling with his breathing growing louder. Letting out a long exhale, Joel noticed her gaze lowered down to get her first glance at his naked body. Not knowing how to respond, he just stood there.

“You’re beautiful,” Joel blurt out, taking the time to do the same as she was him, gazing upon the lengths of her naked form standing before him. Just seeing her like that had his heartbeat quickening inside of his chest. It made his throat go dry. Hearing his compliment made her smile with her eyes raising back up to meet his longing stare. Biting down on his bottom lip, he nervously stepped forward and hooked his arm loosely around her waist. Bringing them together, Joel nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck with her caressing at his shoulders. Their wet skin pressed together and he liked the way it felt. “I’m sorry this wasn’t more romantic.”

“The shower?” she teased him, stroking her fingers at the bottom of his neck.

“Seeing each other naked for the first time,” Joel commented, his head tipping back enough so he could stare down at her. “I know you want something more romantic than this and…”

“I’m the one that came into the shower unannounced,” she reminded him, dragging her fingers through his wet hair. Joel smirked knowing that she was right and he gave her a firm nod. “I hope you’re not disappointed.”

“In you?” he muttered, his fingertips tracing down the length of her back to settle in right above her bottom. “Never. You’re perfect. You take my breath away.”

How she looked at him when he said that showed that she was impressed with hearing that. It made her smile and he loved seeing her smile. Tipping up on her toes, she placed her hand in over the center of his chest. Meeting her lips in a lingering kiss, Joel felt his breath catch in his throat with her breasts pressing in against his chest when she reached around him for the shampoo.

Opening the bottle, she squeezed some of it into her hand before setting the bottle aside. Reaching up, she started to lather it into his hair eliciting a deep rumble of a laugh from him, “What are you doing?”

“I’m shampooing your hair,” she gave him a weak smile enjoying the laugh that he let out. Mirroring her, Joel did something similar with his forehead pressing to hers afterwards.

Wrapping her up in his arms, Joel pulled her close and let the water spray down in over them to rinse their hair. Burying his head against the side of her neck, Joel sighed loudly and started to speak, “I want you to know that for the first time in a long time, I actually look forward to waking up.”

Pressing her hand in over the center of his chest, she leaned back and met his dark eyes, “I used to get angry every time I would wake up in the morning. Hoping that each day would be my last, but today? I was happy when I opened my eyes and saw that you were there.”

“I know how you feel,” she confessed, lifting up enough to start kissing in over his freckle covered shoulder. Closing his eyes tightly, Joel continued to caress his hands in over her body. What could have been a very sexual experience between them was more so tender and sweet instead. “That’s why I came here.”

“I know,” Joel acknowledged, depositing affectionate kisses at her shoulder and up over the side of her neck. “And that’s what worries me. I’ve never been good at life. I’ve always fucked up and I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you are already hurting.”

“Let’s not worry about the future,” she decided, reaching for the soap. Motioning Joel to turn the other way, she caressed the bar of soap across his chest having his breathing growing louder. “Let’s worry about right now. How we make each other feel in the moment.”

There was so much he could have said and maybe should have said, but she was right. Worrying about the future in a moment like this was silly. For so long he was so worried about the past or the future. Right now? He needed to live in the moment. Together, they lathered the other up in soap, taking their time to touch every part of each other. He’d be lying if he said it didn’t affect him in certain ways and that was becoming fairly evident.

“Sorry,” Joel huffed, attempting to lower his hands to cover himself knowing that his body was showing that this was effecting him more than it maybe should have. “I’m not trying to.”

“I’m not offended,” she assured him with a long exhale, her eyes dropping down and a smirk tugging at her lips. “I find it to be a compliment and I like what I see.”

“Well, I didn’t doubt that,” Joel’s voice deepened causing her to let out an amused laugh at the arrogance that shined through with his comment. Even though Joel was shy and somewhat reserved, he never had a problem stating that he thought he was impressive. “What? I’m not trying to be arrogant…”

“Don’t worry about it,” she reached for his hands pulling him in closer to her to pepper kisses over his lips. What she didn’t want was him hiding himself from her. “I would be bigheaded too if I looked like you and had that between my legs.”

“Well, at some point you might have it between your legs,” he snickered when she swatted at his chest provoking him to snort and nuzzle his nose in against hers. “I can’t remember the last time I’ve smiled or laughed this much.”

“Hmm…” she hummed, stealing kiss after kiss from his lips. “Then we will just have to keep you smiling and laughing. See how much more we can get you to do it.”

Going to kiss him again, she paused when what sounded like the front door being thrown open downstairs was heard. Her face scrunched up and she looked to Joel with a sense of worry. Instead of being worried, Joel appeared to be annoyed. Groaning out, Joel tipped his head back and rolled his eyes, “It’s Tommy. He never announces himself, he just comes right in. He lives across the street…”

“Across the street?” she mused with Joel dramatically bobbing his head about. Turning off the shower, Joel got out first and then helped her out before wrapping her up in the first towel that he grabbed. The way he held onto her and helped dry her body was very affectionate. “At least we weren’t trying to do something sexual that time.”

“Well before he makes his way up here, I suggest we get dressed because we are naked together,” Joel reminded her with a grunt working to dry his body as fast as he could. Tossing the towel in the hamper, he stumbled to work his way into his clothes. “This is a Tommy thing though. He has no understanding of privacy.”

Grunting, Joel heard the sound of Tommy calling out his name and Joel reached for his shirt to haphazardly put it on, “I’ll go out there. You take your time.”

“Wait,” she called out to him getting Joel to almost trip when he turned on his heel to come back. Moving in, she peppered a few kisses over Joel’s lips pulling forth a small rumble of a growl from him. “I just wanted to do that. You can leave now.”

“Yes ma’am,” he smirked, stealing one final kiss. Heading out of the bathroom and down the stairs, Joel heard Tommy going through things in his kitchen. Stepping into the room, Joel paused when Tommy was helping himself to Joel’s coffee machine. “Have you never heard of calling before?”

“I’m just making us some coffee you cranky son bitch,” Tommy huffed, finishing with what he was doing. Putting things back where they went, Tommy turned to face Joel while Joel finished buttoning together his shirt. Folding his arms in front of his chest, Joel leaned back to rest against the wall opposite of Tommy. Waiting, he expected something from his brother who just stared out at him. “I want to drop something by you.”

“You always do,” Joel noted with a scoff, stealing a quick back look to see if that Y/N was moving around the house yet. When he saw nothing he assumed she was still gathering herself in the bathroom. “Make it quick, I’m busy.”

“You’re always busy doing nothin’,” Tommy frowned, waving his hand about like he didn’t believe Joel. “I just wanted to let you know that I invited Y/N to the resort today with us. I know you two had a falling out the other day, but…”

“Tommy,” Joel shook his head, attempting to interrupt his brother but Tommy started moving around the kitchen again searching for something.

“I know Joel, you don’t like me putting my nose in your business and everything, but…” Tommy found a bag of snacks that Joel had put away in one of the cabinets. Instead of asking, Tommy just opened the bag and started eating it. Behind him, Joel could hear movement which meant that Y/N was moving out and about. “I’m just telling you Joel, I think the two of you are good for one another. I know things have been rough when it’s come to your love life, but this girl? I think she’s special.”

“Oh, you do?” Joel’s eyebrow arched in response, his head turning to the side to see that she was approaching the kitchen. Motioning her to wait, Joel knew that Tommy wouldn’t be able to see her and it allowed her to listen to the conversation.

“I really like her Joel. She brings out the best in you,” Tommy admitted with a mouthful of the snack he had stolen from Joel. “You always look so damn grumpy and while I love you big brother, it’s been nice getting a nicer version of you when she’s around.”

“I see,” Joel breathed out, adjusting his positioning with Tommy continuing to ramble on.

“Maria and I really like her,” Tommy stated, shoving his hand back into the bag to grab a handful. Shoving the food into his mouth, Tommy scoffed when Joel’s eyebrows bounced up. “We do! And I think she’s a good influence on you. With some work I think the two of you could really be good for one another.”

“Well Tommy, if you’d let me talk,” Joel began, his hand outstretching toward Y/N hinting to her that he wanted her to join him.

“When you talk nothing good ever really comes from it, I know,” Tommy had set the snack aside, going back to the cabinets to search for some mugs for them with the coffee. “I talked to her yesterday and I just really think she someone that can…”

“Tommy,” Joel exclaimed when she moved in beside him, taking his hand firmly in hers.

“Joel, you just have to stop being stubborn about this. I’m thinking about your wellbeing and hers,” Tommy’s voice got louder evoking an annoyed breath from Joel with Tommy being so oblivious. “She came here looking to feel better and you haven’t been well in a very long time. And who knows? You might end up getting laid if you play your cards right. Her being a doctor and all I’m sure she’d know the best ways to make you come. A lot of the men in town have been talking about what she said that night at the bar and…” Tommy turned on his heel, his dark eyes growing wide when he saw that Joel was standing where he was previously with Y/N beside him. Loudly gulping, Tommy let out a nervous breath and set the mugs aside. “Well shit.”

“You’re good at making an ass of yourself baby brother,” Joel told his brother with an entertained sound, turning his attention to Y/N who was surprised to hear that from Tommy. Especially since Tommy seemed like the innocent one whenever she was around him.

“You both are wet,” Tommy pointed out, his dark eyes gazing between the two of them. After a moment, he snickered and gave them a thumbs up. “Congrats on the sex then?”

“Tommy,” Joel snapped at his little brother glad that she seemed to be amused with Tommy’s antics instead of offended. “We didn’t sleep together.”

“Up all night then?” Tommy responded causing a gasp to fall from Y/N’s throat that turned into an amused bout of laughter. “No offense. I heard what you said at the bar that night from other people. Joel looks better today than he did the last time I saw him and I just thought…”

“Here I was thinking you were innocent,” she used her free hand to place it in over her chest, feigning being offended by what he was saying. “I thought Tommy Miller was the sweet, innocent and pure one.”

“I told you that you were biased because he was nice to you,” Joel brought back something he had said the other night at the bar. “Not that it’s any of your business Tommy, but we haven’t had sex. At all.”

“But you stayed the night,” Tommy confirmed with a big smile seeing the nod that both of them gave him. Grabbing himself a cup of coffee, Tommy returned his attention to them and slurped at his drink. “Tell me everything.”

“I’d rather not,” Joel decided hearing the sound of the door opening again eliciting him to groan out. This unfortunately was normal for him, but he knew that it might be something that made Y/N uncomfortable and that made him nervous. “And there is Maria.”

“I hope you figured something out here because I tried to call the front desk and see how Y/N was honey, but apparently they haven’t seen her since last night,” Maria announced cornering the hallway toward the kitchen. When her sight fell upon Joel and Y/N together, her eyes grew big with a pleasant sense of surprise. “Hey! She’s here.”

“She’s here,” Tommy sounded funny in the way he said it, biting down on his bottom lip when Maria moved into the kitchen with them. “Stayed the night too.”

“Oh!” Maria clearly thought that meant sex and it had Joel embarrassed. Dropping his head down, Joel used his free hand to rub at his messy hair and he muttered a few things under his breath.

“No sex though,” Tommy educated Maria on what he had learned right before she had walked in.

“Tommy!” Joel yelled at him, getting Y/N to giggle at their interaction. Taking the time to gather himself, Joel winced and swallowed down hard. “Now that you both are here, I think it’s a good time to apologize. I reckon I really upset you the other night with my actions and I’m sorry. Congratulations on the baby and I want nothing but the best things for y’all.”

“Told you she was good for him,” Tommy whispered, snickering with the glare that Joel gave him. Approaching Joel, Maria held her arms out and it was the first time Joel let go of Y/N. Hugging Maria, Joel seemed uncomfortable and it was obvious. Even though Joel was an incredibly touch starved person, it was evident he had a hard time being personable with those around him. “I think this is gonna be a beautiful day. Don’t you?”

“You’re pushing it,” Joel warned with a grunt, his face scrunching up with his brother being so over the top about things. Grumbling something under his breath, Joel noticed the amusement in Tommy’s features when Y/N reached up to caress over the center of his shoulders to calm him.

“Does this mean you are going with us today?” Tommy took another long sip of his coffee giving his attention fully to Y/N.

“I thought it stormed last night,” she remembered the snowstorm that had kept her in the city of Jackson, which she was ultimately thankful for. “Doesn’t that mean we should stay in?”

“Ah, that doesn’t mean much,” Maria waved her hand about dismissing her worries about how the streets would be if there was a snowstorm. “The bigger storm is coming tonight. The nice thing about Jackson is that the people here are very good about keeping the streets plowed.”

“I would have to make a trip to the inn because I have nothing here,” she alerted them, looking down to what she was wearing knowing that it was still Joel’s clothes that she was in. “I really don’t even know what I would need to wear to something like that.”

“Well you’re in luck because I have plenty of things across the street at our house that should help you out,” Maria suggested, stepping forward holding her hand out to Y/N who looked to Joel for confirmation.

“If I’m going, you’re going…” he sighed loudly, shrugging his shoulders when he spoke. Accepting Maria’s hand, Joel felt Tommy moving in beside him with Maria heading toward the front door with Y/N at her side.

“I can’t help but notice she’s wearing your clothes,” Tommy noted, clearing his throat with Joel’s head turning ever so slightly. With an arch of his right eyebrow, Tommy took another long sip of his coffee. “So you haven’t had sex, but the two of you have been naked around one another?”

“No one is a better cock block than you little brother,” Joel reached out to pat Tommy firmly on the shoulder. Grunting out, Joel turned on his heel and went to go grab himself some coffee. Hopefully his family didn’t scare Y/N away with them constantly inserting themselves in their lives.

----

“You look pale,” Joel commented, stepping beside Y/N while they stood in line to get on the gondola with Tommy and Maria. After Maria helped prepare her for today, they had breakfast together and then met their friends and Maria’s family at the resort. Some of them split up to go skiing or snowboarding, but Joel was aware that she was scared of that so they went in another direction. Reaching out, he placed his hands in over her shoulders feeling her tense beneath his touch. “Trust me, this is fine. It’s not that bad.”

Nothing was said, she just gave him a small nod as he stepped in closer to her from behind. It was freezing today, even with the clothing that Maria had given her. She wasn’t used to spending her time outside in the snow. Especially with how cold it was here. Most of her days were spent inside of a hospital building so this was entirely new for her.

“It will just be the four of us and we all know how you feel about heights,” Joel whispered, caressing at her shoulders trying to calm her down. “It’s never too high from the ground.”

“It just goes up that massive mountain,” she noted provoking a faint laugh to escape Joel’s throat. Stepping in closer, Joel wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck. Chills flooded down her spine with the contrast between the cold air and the warmth of Joel’s breath against her skin. “You have to understand this is very hard for me.”

“These last few days have been nothing but us doing things that are very hard for us,” Joel reminded her, urging her to turn in his arms. Caressing in over her arms, Joel dropped his hands and hooked his gloved fingers with hers. “Everything is going to be fine. I promise you, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“This is us,” Tommy motioned them forward with Joel urging her onto the gondola with him. While this was her first time and he wanted her sitting on the side where she would see the view of the city going up, he also knew that she wouldn’t want to be near the doors so he positioned her appropriately. Sitting across from them, Maria and Tommy got comfortable. When they got a look at her, it was obvious she was pretty nervous. “This just takes us up to the top of the mountain. There is an area where you can observe things, hang out. You are gonna be okay.”

“Exactly. And if you get too uncomfortable, we can come right back down,” Joel promised, hooking his arm around her shoulders hearing her breathing broken. Almost as if she was trembling but doing her best to hide her fear. “I promise you, we won’t let anything happened to you.”

“If you look, the city looks pretty down below. You’ll get to see how big it actually is,” Maria looked over her shoulder, pointing in the direction of where everything was.

“This was one of my favorite things to do when we first got to town,” Tommy explained noticing that she was hooked on the doors that were still open while the gondola was moving. “They close, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“You all are being very nice to me, but I promise you this is not a thing that really calms down for me,” she tensed up when they started going higher up the mountain with the doors coming to a close. Tensing up beneath Joel, she heard his chuckle follow and he hushed her. “I’m sorry, it’s just something that’s always been there.”

“How in God’s name did you end up getting on that plane to get here?” Joel wondered, his head tipping to the side with her so ill at ease beside him. “You’re so afraid of heights, but you managed to get on the plane from New York to get here.”

“I was a mess,” she assured him, trying to dissociate herself from the moment they were in. Even though they were right, it was a very beautiful sight, it was hard for her to really let go of that fear of heights. “There was some medicine involved, that’s for sure.”

“Darlin’,” Joel slurred, his gloved finger curling in underneath her chin to get her to look at him. Having her eyes hooking on his, Joel gave her a confident nod. “We’re just going to take this up and when we get there you and I are going to hang out at the top. Enjoy the views. Then we will get back on and come down. Do some other things and then figure out the rest of our day. Okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Hearing him talking to her like that was nice, but in most cases she would have never put herself in a position like this, “You trust me, right?”

“Yeah?” she swallowed down hard with Joel urging her to rest her head against his shoulder. Having him comforting her like that did calm her slightly while the gondola continued to rise. Tommy and Maria were turned staring down at the city and she could see why someone would like this. It made the world look small. Seeing things from this perspective helped you realize how small you were in such a big world.

Turning her head in closer to Joel, she had kept her eyes closed for a significant amount of the ride up the mountain. Yes, things were beautiful, but she had gotten the view and she felt more comfortable with her eyes closed having Joel holding onto her. Hearing the movement of Tommy and Maria let her know that they had reached the top and she opened her eyes again.

She’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t nervous about how high up they were right now, but she just kept her head down and followed Joel off of the gondola. What was nice was that Joel held onto her hand the whole time while he talked his plans out with Maria and Tommy who were headed in another direction.

“Alright, come on,” Joel tugged at her hand, leading her toward an area that felt like an overlook of the town. Stepping toward the edge had her uncomfortable, but Joel hushed her and moved in behind her hooking his arms around her waist. “I’m right here with you. And I won’t let you go. You have to learn to relax.”

“It’s easier said than done,” she pointed out seeing that there were children that had no problem doing what they were doing. They were in awe of the views they were getting, but for her it was a lot harder being able to calm down after a life of having this fear.

“I know,” Joel agreed with her, smiling against the side of her face when she dropped her hands down to grab a hold of his. “Look at it this way, this is our second date, right?”

“Date?” she looked over her shoulder at him, surprised to hear that Joel was confirming anything with them as official. “When was our first?”

“You didn’t think that day with the snowmobiling was our first date?” Joel countered, his face scrunching up with the line at the bridge of his nose becoming more prominent. “I thought that was pretty obvious that it was our first date.”

“So now we’re considering the time that we spend together as dates?” she stammered, her heart skipping a beat at the idea of Joel talking about them in the sense that they were actually doing some kind of dating between the two of them.

“Would you rather me not?” Joel teased with a laugh, shaking his head when he motioned her to follow him over toward an area where no one else was. Lowering down in the snow, Joel motioned her to take a seat with him and when she did he grabbed a hold of her hand again. They were looking out onto the town that seemed so incredibly small from where they were at. “This is nice. Since I moved here, I’ve been the third wheel during the holidays. My brother is always insistent on including me in things, but being the third wheel has never really been fun. I just usually went through the motions.”

“How long have you been here?” she wondered, surprised that Joel was actually opening up to her. Shifting beside her, Joel seemed uncomfortable with the idea of talking about himself and she sighed loudly. “I got on that gondola for you. It’s only right that you start opening up to me.”

“I’ve been here a few years,” Joel responded looking away from her to gaze back over the city again. Staring out at him, she wondered if she would ever be able to learn more about his past. “Tommy was here for a while before I showed up.”

“And you moved from Texas?” she thought back to what she knew about Joel at this point, which really wasn’t that much. Truthfully? She knew more about Tommy, but she knew that she was going to do her best to have Joel open up to her.

“No, I came from Boston,” Joel corrected her, shaking his head and swallowing down hard. “Both Tommy and I left Texas at the same time. We both wanted to start a life somewhere else for a while and we needed some space from one another.”

Well, that was not something that Tommy told her in their time together, “We lived most of our lives in Texas. I was born in Arlington and then we moved to Austin. He traveled for a bit before he ended up here. I ended up in Boston. Now? I’m here.”

“Oh,” she nodded her head about, clearing her throat when she looked back down toward the small town she was staying in. “That was very vague by the way.”

“I’m a very vague kind of person,” Joel explained to her, his dark eyes full of a certain emotion that she couldn’t read. “I don’t know what to tell you Y/N. I’m not exactly the person that wants to be open about my life before I was here. There are several different versions of me, the one I want you to know is the one that is here. The Jackson Joel. Not the Boston or Texas Joel.”

“But the Boston and Texas version of you still made you who you were today,” she reminded Joel with a tight squeeze of her fingers around his. “And I really like the Joel that you are right now. So…”

“Good things didn’t happen in Boston and Texas hun,” Joel’s voice was raspy, his southern drawl growing deeper. “Things that I’m not proud of and things that…really hurt me. I understand that you are going to have a curiosity about it and I don’t blame you, but it’s nothing worth recounting. Okay?”

“Okay,” she whispered knowing that was Joel’s way of pretty much telling her that he was never going to be open with her about his past. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Joel hushed her, his dark eyes narrowing as he locked his eyes with hers. “I understand that it’s natural to learn more about someone when you first meet them, but my past hurts me. And I don’t want to let it do that when I’m with you. The most I can tell you is that I grew up in Texas. My parents died when I was young. I took care of Tommy and had a lot on my hands. I was married at one point. It didn’t work out. I was a contractor in Texas. I left Texas. Went to Boston to try something new. It didn’t work there either. So I’m here now and I own an inn with my brother.”

Giving a small nod, she cleared her throat and knew that wasn’t very much to know about a person, “Are you a sports fan?”

“I am,” Joel cleared his throat noticing the smirk that tugged at her lips. “I played football when I was younger. I can’t imagine being American and not loving football.”

“Are you a fan of the Texas teams?” she wondered, her eyes gazing upon Joel who huffed. “Because if you are, I feel really bad for you. Those Dallas Cowboys are trash.”

“Now hold on a minute,” Joel held his hand up to hush her, waving his hand and chuckling when he heard her laughing. “I was just starting to like you.”

“I’m just speaking the truth. If the two of us are going to be spending time together, you’re going to have to know my opinion on that team,” she wanted to lighten the mood having Joel smirk when she poked playfully at his ribs. “I will not hold back on ribbing you for your sports teams.”

“Dick,” Joel scoffed under his breath causing the both of them to laugh. Taking a minute to think about things, Joel leaned in to rest his head in against hers. “Thank you for not pushing me. I know that you are curious and I don’t blame you. But there are just parts of me that I don’t like. I want you to see me for me. Not for my past.”

Hearing that made her feel guilty because she was so curious about his life. There was a huge part of Joel’s life that he was keeping from her, but she knew that he didn’t want to be open about it. So she would have to learn to accept what Joel was willing to share with her.

Together they walked around for a while getting to see the sights at the resort. Eventually, Joel convinced her to ride the winter coaster that was there. The idea of riding a roller coaster in the middle of the winter didn’t exactly appeal to her, especially since she was afraid of heights, but Joel insisted that it was something she needed to see.

“It’s not that bad. It’s a single rider. I’ll go either before you or after you. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. You just sit down, they put a belt on you and then the lever determines how fast or slow you go. Pushing forward makes you go faster, pulling back makes you go slower. The first part is automatic until you get to the top,” Joel went over the process of things with her and she nodded her head. Yeah, she was listening, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t scared shitless about the idea of this whole thing.

Again, this really wasn’t something that she would eagerly do if she wasn’t with Joel. What she was doing was experiencing these things to appease Joel. Maybe this was for the best for her because Joel was opening her up to things that she wouldn’t usually do. In the last few days she had lived more than she had in the last few years. So that’s why she agreed to do this.

“You can go first,” she pushed Joel in front of her when they got to the front of the line causing both the employee in charge along with Joel to laugh.

“She’s a little nervous,” Joel informed the teen that was helping them with the coaster. “Take care of her, will you?”

“I promise,” the boy assured Joel with a confident nod. He helped Joel get prepared first before heading over to Y/N to lead her to her seat. Helping her get her seatbelt on, he gave her the same instructions that Joel had, but it truthfully didn’t prepare her for this. When it was her turn, the boy gave her a thumbs up and a weak smile. “Hey, look at it this way. If you were to fall off, there is so much snow that you would just fall into the snow. So you’d probably be okay.”

“Oh, well that’s really helpful,” she was sarcastic in her response, but the boy actually thought she was being serious and gave her a big cheesy smile. When she started moving up the track, her whole body tensed but she knew that Joel was right. She needed to learn how to relax. Truthfully, this was pretty loud with the cable pulling her up the track. The one nice thing about Jackson is that everywhere you looked, there was something beautiful to see. So she would have to focus on that part of everything because if she focused on her fear of heights she knew that she would be a mess this whole ride. Really, it wasn’t that fast. It was just the idea of things that made her uneasy. “Shit.”

With every second the ride seemed to get higher and higher up this mountain which made her ill at ease. Joel had told her that it was automatic until it got to the top which meant it had to go up a bit. Right now? She actually felt crazier going on this thing than she did on the gondola. At least on the gondola, they were closed in. Here she was on a track in a single riding cart and she was a mess. With no Joel to try to calm her down.

Thankfully it wasn’t a typical roller coaster that would do crazy movements, but something that just went up the mountain and down with a few circular loops along the way. If there were any parts of a ride that went upside down, she was certain that she would have run away. No matter how much she liked Joel. There were some fears that were just too hard to let go of. Even though Joel had made her do a lot of things that she wouldn’t typically do in the first place.

Trying to focus on the beauty of things, she really couldn’t help but be in awe of the mountains that surrounded her. It really was an amazing sight. If anything, she couldn’t deny the beauty of Jackson. Even if this wasn’t what she was used to.

Finally reaching the top, there was a sign telling the rider to smile for a photo and really, she was clinging so hard to the lever beside her even though it was useless at this point. Smiling wasn’t really something she wanted to do. Instead she gave probably the worst grin of her life hearing that the ride was about to be in her hands instead of automatic.

Pushing the lever forward, she debated whether she wanted to take the ride slow or fast. Fast meant she got it done faster, slow meant it would go on forever. The only rule was that you couldn’t crash into other carts. And right now? No one was around so she would be fine. It was like ripping off a Band-Aid in her mind. The faster she went, the quicker the ride was over and the less she would have to be afraid. The only problem? It went faster than she expected it to.

There were plenty of twists and turns and for someone that liked this kind of thing, it probably would have been a baby ride for them. For her? It had every muscle in her body tensing up. Along with the cold, it brought forth some cramps for her that she honestly wasn’t prepared for, but she kept the lever pushed forward to go faster.

When a steep curve came up, she felt the pit of her stomach sinking with how fast she took it and there was a sense of regret that she chose to go faster rather than slow around the bends. And then there came a bigger drop. With the drop there was another action camera that took a picture of her and really she couldn’t picture what she looked like. She was up higher on the ride, it was going fast and she was uncomfortable. Even if it was beautiful and it was something completely new for her, this wasn’t her favorite thing in the world. Could she get used to it? Maybe, but for her first time, she wasn’t having it.

When she finally reached the end of the ride, she pulled the cart to a stop and was thankful that it was over. Looking to the time she saw that overall the thing was about seven minutes, but truthfully? It felt much longer than that.

Joel was standing by the side waiting for her with a big cheesy smile on his face when she approached him, “That was a lot of fun, right? A rollercoaster in the middle of the winter? I bet you won’t find a lot of things like that in New York.”

“So much fun,” she grunted through a fake smile causing Joel to burst out in laughter because he was picking up on her lack of enthusiasm. “I’m sorry, I’m just a fucking mess when it comes to heights. You have to realize that I like you because I wouldn’t do this for anyone you know.”

“I reckon I acknowledge that,” Joel admitted, wrapping his arm loosely around her shoulders. Leading her into the building where they had the screen of photos from the ride, Joel tried to hold back on his laugh when he saw the photos they took of her. “Oh honey, you can tell that you are absolutely loving it. We should buy these.”

“Don’t,” she warned him, poking him in the ribs when she realized that he was making fun of her. In the photos she looked very tense whereas in Joel’s photos he just looked absolutely ridiculous. Part of her knew that he had acted out in order to make her laugh when they looked at them. “Who knew you had so much personality.”

“Oh, I’m good when you get me going,” Joel pulled her in closer to him to make it easier for him to place a kiss at her temple. “Just wait until you really get to know me.”

Together they did a few more things before meeting up with Maria and Tommy again to have some dinner. With Maria’s family, Tommy was planning on staying at the resort longer so Joel suggested he take Y/N back to the inn, but instead of just going immediately back they went for a walk around town.

“How do you survive in New York City being so afraid of heights?” Joel wondered, pulling her in closer to him while they walked in the snow together. When Tommy told her it was supposed to storm tonight, he wasn’t lying. The snowfall was heavy and even in the small amount of time they had been walking, it was really coming down. “With all those high-rise buildings, I can’t see how you love it there so much.”

“Well, I live in a brownstone which isn’t that tall and I work in a hospital. I don’t have to deal with the tall buildings that much. And when I do? I just don’t approach the windows,” she explained to Joel, her hand pressing in over his abdomen enjoying the closeness of the two of them. Joel had no problem having her near him today and she really liked that he constantly was either holding her hand or having his arm around her. “It’s not so much heights I’m afraid of. I think they are beautiful, but it’s the idea of falling to my death that scares the hell out of me. You aren’t scared of anything?”

“Can’t say that I am,” Joel admitted, thinking about the question and shaking his head. “I don’t mean to sound negative, but when you spend most of your life questioning why you are still here, you don’t really think about dying in a negative light.”

“Well that’s grim,” she frowned, lifting her head up to look up at him with big eyes and he sighed loudly. “I’m sorry life has been that way for you. No one should have to live their life thinking like that. I’m scared of so many things.”

“I guess that’s why we work together. You level out the things that I don’t have,” Joel suggested, pointing in the direction of a small shop. “How about we get some hot chocolate to warm up before heading back toward the inn?”

“Sounds good,” she agreed with him, allowing him to buy her a hot chocolate when he insisted on it. In fact, he was pretty proud of it when he handed it over to her. Continuing their walk, she actually found herself getting used to this place and the simplicity of it. “I was like that for a while.”

“Like what?” Joel huffed after taking a sip of his drink, giving her his full attention when they walked through town square first to get a look at the lights that were up.

“Where I didn’t care about things,” she thought back, tipping her head from side to side. “But then I think I started to panic the more I was around death. When I lost that patient, I think the idea of dying hit me pretty hard because that’s it. Once you’re gone, you’re gone. But I don’t think it really hit me in the right ways because I kept doing what I always did instead of living life.”

Swallowing down hard, Joel felt uncomfortable thinking about his past again, but he just simply nodded not wanting to insert himself into her thoughts, “Being here is the most I’ve lived in a very long time. Even if you are making me do crazy things.”

“They really aren’t that crazy in terms of what you are making them out to be,” Joel teased her, nudging her softly with his hip. An offended breath escaped her making him snicker at the expression she gave him. “I mean it’s really not. That coaster wasn’t much today and the gondola was never that far off the ground. Getting on that airplane to get here had to be scarier. I came here, I know they are smaller. If you stick around here long enough, then you will get used to the minor things.”

That was something she really hadn’t thought about. How long she was going to be spending here. Especially since her job was rather important and she already had people at the hospital trying to contact her about when she was coming back.

“I like how laid back things are here,” she changed the subject finding herself sad at the idea of having to leave Jackson. In the distance there were a few children building a snowman and it made her smile. They were taking advantage of the world around them right now. “Things feel simpler here.”

“That’s why I moved here,” Joel confessed, letting out a long exhale when they made their way out of the town square and started to walk in a different direction to get back to the inn. Passing the large church that they had, she could see that some of the children were together having a snowball fight. “It had my brother, which obviously I wanted to be near, but things move slower here and people care less.”

“Oh, I don’t think people care less. I think they are the type of people that want to know everything,” she interrupted his thought process knowing how singled out she felt when she first came to town. “I’d say people are more eager to get into your business here than they are in New York City.”

“You get what I mean,” Joel grumbled under his breath, stopping for a moment to turn and stare out at her. “Everything moves so fast in the other places. Here, you can take the time to enjoy the little things. Even if I don’t do a whole lot of enjoying things in my life.”

Grunting out, Joel felt a firm smack to the back of his head that was followed by Y/N bursting out in laughter. Reaching back, he realized that he had just been hit with a snowball that someone threw at him. Gazing over his shoulder, Joel noticed one of the children holding onto a snowball and when they saw Joel they swiftly dropped it back onto the ground.

“Oh, uh, hey there Mr. Miller,” the little boy waved his hand in the air nervously with Joel turning to face him. “I didn’t see you there. At all. Are you enjoying your day?”

A moment later another round of snowballs were being thrown at Joel from where he was standing from children that were hiding behind the playground set that they had stopped in front of. Swiftly moving out of the way, she heard Joel scoff when each one of the snowballs hit Joel.

With a hearty laugh, the little boy that had originally caught Joel’s attention ran off and dodged down behind the wooden ship that was built on the playground. It was then she realized a few of them were the children that were in Joel’s class that she had seen him teaching.

“You wanna launch an attack on me?” Joel’s voice changed, his free hand pointing toward the center of his chest. Giving a firm nod, Joel finished off the hot chocolate that he had gotten himself and was quick to throw the cup away. “Alright. You asked for this.”

Reaching down to grab a handful of snow, Joel balled it up and when one of the children popped up to steal a glance Joel threw it at them causing them to burst out in laughter when it hit them. A moment later a bunch of snowballs were being thrown at Joel who was attempting to dodge them.

“Would you help me here? It’s at least eight on one,” Joel scoffed, scrambling to move behind one of the slides that was on the playground for cover. It had been years since she had done anything like this, but she finished off her drink and joined Joel. Hearing the laughter of both Joel and the children was fun while they had this snowball fight. One thing it did was show her a different side to Joel that she didn’t realize was there. A softer, sweeter side to him that was visibly more playful and sillier. Trying to run away, Joel hit a patch of ice that had him slipping and pulling Y/N down in the snow with him. Groaning out, Joel laughed as she landed on top of him. “I think we lost.”

“Safe to assume,” she laughed, dropping her head down in over Joel’s chest when the original boy approached them.

“You okay Mr. Miller? Do we need to call you an ambulance?” he blurt out with Joel bursting out in laughter. Shaking his head, Joel gave him a thumbs up and then the boy went off to continue to play with the other children.

“Nothing like a child making you feel old,” Joel alerted her, exhaling loudly with her tipping back to stare down at him. Even though it was cold, his heart skipped a beat with the way that her hand palmed in over the side of his face. When her eyes narrowed and he felt her sweeping her thumb over his temple, he released a broken breath knowing that’s where one of his scars were.

“It’s okay,” she hushed him, tipping her head to the side allowing him to see that she had a similar type of scar in the area that he did. “I got mine in the crash when I was a kid. I’ve done a lot to try to cover it up, but it’s always there.”

Lifting up, Joel urged her to lean in closer to him so he could press a lingering kiss in over the area where her scar was. Swallowing down hard, her hand pressed in over the center of his chest to brace herself when he dropped his head back into the snow.

“Joel,” she paused, lowering down just enough to hover her lips in over his. A tremoring breath escaped Joel with his eyelids growing heavy. “Do you want to go back to my room with me?”

“Yeah,” Joel decided with a slur, nodding his head with his lips parting. “I do.”

Standing up slowly, she helped him get to his feet and grabbed a hold of his hand leading him back toward the inn. Nervously, Joel followed her through the streets until they reached the inn. Taking the stairs up, she had Joel trailing not far behind her as they made their way toward her suite. Getting into the room made her realize that she was shaking with her trying to get in. By the time she had the door open, Joel was eagerly following her not far behind.

Before she could even get the door closed, Joel was pressing her back against it getting the door to slam shut with the weight of her body falling back. Trapping her between him and the door, Joel’s mouth hovered in over hers before stealing a hungry kiss from her lips. Curling her fingers around the back of Joel’s neck, she whimpered with Joel’s hands cupping her face firmly.

Reaching up, she was eager to push Joel’s thick winter coat from his body hearing the loud thud of it hitting the ground when she managed to get it down. Working with hers had both her and Joel fumbling to get it off when it got stuck near the wrist area. Through kisses, they were both laughing with their troubles but were still so eager to keep kissing one another.

A relieved breath fell from Joel’s lips with a tiny snort when they finally did get the jacket off of her. Tipping her head back allowed Joel’s head to tip to the side with his tongue brushing out between her parted lips. The damp heat caressing in against her tongue sent chills throughout her body. The taste of the hot chocolate still lingered over Joel’s mouth leaving her with a sweet taste that made her smile when they separated.

Motioning her to wait a minute had her gasping with Joel reaching down to help her pull her boots off. It had her clinging to him with both of them laughing as she attempted not to fall. Joel was quick to pull his off as well until she reached for his hand to lead him toward the bedroom. Standing at the center of her bedroom, Joel swallowed down hard when she stepped before him.

There were no words spoken, but Joel let out an anxious breath when she stepped forward and started to unbutton his plaid shirt. Taking her time, she kept her eyes locked on his, enjoying the way his breathing grew louder. Pushing her fingers up underneath the material, she managed to get it down over his arms. Allowing the material to fall from his body, Joel’s eyelids grew heavy with want when he felt her drawing circles over the center of his chest.

Bunching up the material of his t-shirt, she was slow in the way that she pulled it up Joel’s body. What was surprising for Joel was just how much this was effecting him. He was trembling and his breathing was loud. This wasn’t normal for him. Sex was sex. But whatever was going on between them? It was something that he couldn’t quite get his mind wrapped around.

Sucking in a sharp breath of air, Joel tipped his head back when she got his t-shirt up over the center of his chest and started pressing tender kisses at the revealed skin. Lifting his hands, he pressed them in over her hips bringing them closer together. Having her peppering kisses against his chest had chills flooding down his spine. Pushing his fingers up underneath the material of her shirt, Joel’s rough fingertips caressed up the lengths of her back. A gentle tug of his shirt let him know that she wanted him to lift his arms and he obliged. Taking a single step back, he lifted his arms helping her in getting it from his body. As soon as she dropped the material, Joel was quick to do the same with her shirt. Except with hers, the sleeves clung to her arms sticking true to them having troubles getting their clothes off. With an amused sound, Joel managed to finally get it and drop it beside them on the ground.

Stepping forward, Joel’s arm loosely wrapped around her waist to bring her to him again. With his free hand, he curled his finger in underneath her chin to get her to tip her head back. Bringing their lips together in a passionate sweep, Joel didn’t rush this. No, this was something that he wanted to experience in every way. How she reacted to him, it felt incredible. Gradually their kiss grew stronger, the hunger growing with every caress. Nipping faintly at her bottom lip, Joel hummed with her fingers trailing down over the center of his chest toward his lower abdomen. Taking her time, her fingers brushed over his belt and started to undo it. Getting it apart, she locked eyes with Joel wanting to watch him closely. Working on Joel’s pants, she managed to easily get them unhooked and unzipped.

Palming up over his abdomen had Joel’s eyelids getting heavy, his lips parting with his breathing growing louder. Sliding her hands in over Joel’s sides and over his back, she snaked her fingers in underneath the back of his jeans. Pushing at the material, she managed to get them to drop at his ankles. Standing before her in his black boxer briefs, his Adam’s apple bounced in his throat and his long eyelashes fluttered.

Standing before her like this made him feel vulnerable. In that moment she was palming in over the lengths of his body. Focusing solely on him and learning every part of him.

“Come here,” she reached for his hands leading him over toward the bottom of the bed.

Pressing her fingers in at the center of his chest, she had him lowering to sit down on the edge. Stroking her fingers through his dark hair had Joel’s jaw flexing with his breathing becoming broken. Tipping his head back, he felt his heart skip a beat with her dragging her thumb out over his bottom lip. Unhurriedly his touch moved in over her hips, sliding up toward her pants working to get them undone. Lifting up just enough, he started pampering the area right below her bellybutton with wet, lingering kisses. Hearing her gasping had goosebumps developing over his arms. Having his rough facial hair scratching at her flesh drew chills throughout her body that made her smile.

Pulling at the material, Joel assisted in getting her out of the jeans so she didn’t fall with her hand bracing in over his bare shoulder. Licking his lips, Joel felt his throat tensing up with her standing before him. Getting to see her body in this light? It took his breath away. The other night in his work room, the lighting wasn’t great. So in here with the light on? He got to experience so much more of her.

Meeting her stare, Joel turned his head in toward her palm to place a delicate kiss over the center of it. Reaching down, he took his socks off and she did the same leaving the both of them in just their under clothing. She was the first to make a move, leaning forward to brace her hands on the bed beside Joel’s body. Hovering her mouth over his shoulder had him shaking. Starting to deposit small kisses over his skin had his hand settling in over the small of her back. Closing his eyes, Joel didn’t know what it was about this woman that drove him crazy with desire, but she did. As her lips trailed over his collarbone and over the side of his neck, it had him sucking in a sharp breath of air. Every kiss was meticulous having the anticipation growing inside of him.

Sweeping her fingers in over the side of Joel’s neck, she leaned back with a broken breath. Teasing kisses at his bottom lip had him clinging tighter to her with his hands sliding in over her bottom. Giving it a firm squeeze had her mewling out with the sensation of it buzzing against his sensitive bottom lip. Unhurriedly her kisses started to lower down over the center of his chest until she carefully lowered down on her knees before him. Hooking her hands under his knees, she urged his hips to move forward so he could brace his weight back on his hands. Starting at his knees, she took her time caressing up toward Joel’s thighs giving them gentle squeezes.

Leaning forward, she started to press kisses over his lower abdomen near where his scar was. Tender kisses were being pressed over the area. Dropping his hand down, his fingers stroked at the back of her head while she pampered his body with warm kisses. Having her kissing his scar like that was her way of trying to prove to him that even his flaws and imperfections were okay with her. A shuddering breath escaped him with her hand pressing in over the center of his boxer briefs. Flattening her hand out over the length of him had Joel sucking in a sharp breath of air while she continued to pepper kisses over his lower abdomen.

Balancing himself, a grunt fell from his throat with the rubbing of her palm over his manhood through the thin material of his boxer briefs. Each touch had his body growing harder. Every part of him felt like it was on fire when her mouth found its way to the top of his boxer briefs. Sliding her hand up, she leaned back on her knees and hooked her fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs. Starting to tug on the material, she gave him a nod and he lifted his hips to help get them from his body.

Swallowing down hard, Joel winced when his erection sprung free from behind the constrictive material. Setting his boxer briefs aside, she slid forward and started pressing faint kisses at Joel’s inner knee. Groaning out, Joel’s head tipped back slightly when her fingers loosely curled around the shaft of his manhood. Biting back a moan, he knew that he still wanted to watch her with her kisses pressing further up his thigh. How she was kissing over the sensitive parts of his body had the anticipation growing. Slow strokes of her palm over his girthy length had Joel’s head dropping down. Nothing was rushed with her sheathing his cock in the warmth of her hand. Licking his lips, Joel’s body tremored with her teasing the flesh over the swollen tip before down again.

Forcing himself to watch her, Joel groaned out when she faintly kissed at the tip having his thighs flex beneath her touch. Extending her tongue out slightly, she dragged her tongue against the ridges of the tip causing him to release a sharp breath. Watching him closely, she was paying attention to how he reacted with every touch. The gentle caress of her palming in over his testicles had his throat tensing up while he stroked at the back of her neck. How quickly she drove him wild with just the slightest touches was shocking to him. The room felt like it was spinning around him with her pressing wet kisses at the swollen tip. Faint strokes of her tongue had his hips arching up involuntarily toward her.

Releasing a raspy moan that was louder than he expected it to be, he felt her fingers curling firmly around his girthy length. Firm, determined strokes over his body had his head dropping down. His heart was pounding inside of his chest with her starting to kiss down over his shaft. It had been a very long time since he had someone do this for him, so he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t driving him mad with yearning for her.

Dragging the warmth of her lips along the length of his manhood had him lifting his hips up toward her. Getting comfortable between his thighs, her eyes locked with his while she took her time stroking her fingers up over the length of his erection before down again. Wetting her lips, she pressed in just enough to bring the tip of his cock to them. Kissing at the sensitive flesh first, she allowed each caress to grow more intense. Every movement having her tongue flicking out just that much more, teasing at the underside near the frenulum.

Moaning out, Joel finger’s stretched out as he caressed at her shoulder. By the time she finally took him between her lips, he was a mess. Ready to fall apart with the warmth of her mouth taking him in. Every motion she made over him was meticulous using her hands, her mouth and her tongue in unison to draw out his pleasure. At first she just focused on the first few inches. Dropping her head down before lazily drawing her head back allowing her tongue to lap at his body on the way back. All the while her hand was moving in the same tempo along with her mouth.

Watching her pleasure him was a gift in itself because he could tell that she actually wanted to see him in the moment. It wasn’t something to just do, she wanted to experience his pleasure and see what she was doing to him. Part of him wanted to drop back and let her have her way with him, but he knew that he wanted to see all of this.

Stretching his fingers out against the back of her head, he panted and licked his lips as she started to take more of him into her mouth. There was a fire building up inside of his belly with how dedicated she was to pleasuring him. Some women rushed this kind of thing. She didn’t and that turned him on so incredibly much.

“That feels so good,” Joel commented, praising her with what she was doing. Typically, this wasn’t like him, but a lot of this wasn’t normal for him. Slurring words of appreciation, Joel huffed out when he felt his body shaking beneath her. “Stop, stop.”

A wet sound surrounded them with her unhurriedly pulling her lips from his length. Looking up at him with worried eyes, she continued to pump her hand over his body using her saliva to coat his cock in it. Hissing out, Joel knew that he wanted her to keep going, but at the same time, he wanted this to be something more.

“Stand up,” he requested of her with a loud gulping sound that elicited a tiny smile from her. With a nod, she released his body provoking him to grunt. Being careful in the way that she stood up had Joel huffing out with his erection twitching wanting to have the warmth of her mouth going back to doing what it was. Cussing to himself, Joel sat up straighter at the edge of the bed and wiggled his fingers at her. “Come here darlin’.”

Doing as she was told, she stepped forward before him. Gazing up at her with his chocolate-colored eyes, Joel’s hands grasped at her hips. Sliding them up had her tremoring before he caressed them down over her body again. Starting to pamper her abdomen with kisses, Joel listened to the sounds that she was making. Her fingers sank into his hair with him nibbling at her flesh.

Lifting his hands, he hooked them into the material of her panties and tipped his head back to stare up at her as he started to work them down her legs. Helping her step out of them had him offering up a tiny smirk with him dragging his bottom lip up over the inside of her thigh.

“You are so beautiful,” he slurred, reaching around to palm in over her bottom. Noticing the way that she was trying to hide that she was shaking caused him to smile. Hell, he was having that problem earlier too. It was good to know that he did the same thing to her. Testing her flesh in his grasp, Joel hummed and then loosely wrapped his left arm around her hips to pull her closer. Bringing his fingers up to his lips, Joel’s tongue lapped at his fingertips with a hum. Lifting them, he dragged a line over the length of her sex having her hips bounce toward him. “Look at you.”

Teasing the rough pads of his fingertips from her sensitive bundle of nerves down toward her entrance and back again had her panting out his name. Just the sound of that was so addicting to him. Repeating the motion several times, he leaned in and started pressing kisses at her hip and down over her thigh.

“Grab onto me,” he instructed with a growl, his right hand grabbing a firm hold of her hip. Placing her hands in over his shoulders, she did as she was told with Joel leaning into drag the length of his tongue out between her sensitive folds. A cry escape her that sent chills throughout his entire body. Circling the tip of his tongue faintly at her clit had her shuddering drawing forth a deep rumble of a groan from him. Tugging her in closer to him, Joel lapped at her body burying his nose in against her flesh with the trail his tongue took from her entrance to her clit. Again she cried out his name, her body shaking against him. Every flick of his tongue grew stronger and more determined. Starting to slurp at her body, his mouth started to focus on the tiny bud with his fingertip tracing a line between her folds. Circling her entrance, Joel unhurriedly pressed his finger into her warmth groaning out against her flesh. Fuck, it had been so long since he had been able to do this. Hearing her crying out his name had an ache at his erection. Taking things slow, Joel pumped his thick finger inside of her humming against her body. Having her rocking against the motions told him he was doing something right along with the way her fingers tugged firmly at his hair. Taking his time to insert a second finger had her moaning out and trembling in his gasps. Tipping his head back, Joel licked his lips and smiled. “That’s it.”

Focusing on her once more, he shook his head from side-to-side moaning against her body with her fingertips digging into his shoulders. Growling against her body had her shaking harder against him. Pretty soon her legs felt like Jell-o between the motion of his fingers thrusting inside of her and focusing on her g-spot while his mouth pleasured her in unison. Pretty soon her legs started to shake and she knew if she wasn’t bracing herself against Joel she would have fallen. What he was building up inside of her was strong. There was a rushing to her head with the euphoric sensation he was drawing out from her. A growl escaped him when the walls of her body started to contract around his fingers. Pushing through, Joel’s movements grew stronger and more determined when her orgasm started. Her cries were loud and they weren’t holding back with one another. Slouching forward had Joel tipping his head back with his tongue slowly pulling from her body.

“Good girl,” he praised her, keeping a firm hold of her to stop her from falling. Helping her crawl in over him, Joel’s thick digits were quick to work at the back of her bra, his lips descending over her jawline. Soft pants fell from her lips with the material of her bra falling down her arms. Covering her breast with his mouth, Joel felt her fingertips back at his manhood stroking it in slow movements. Kissing up over her collarbone and over the side of her neck had her tipping her head to allow him the room to do it. A nervous exhale fell from him with her moving in over him. “Wait…”

“What is it?” she muttered, her fingers sweeping at the back of his neck with his dark eyes locked on hers.

“Are you sure you want this?” Joel confirmed with her, his eyelids growing heavy with the sensation of her dragging the tip of his cock through her sensitive folds. With a nod, she loosely wrapped her arm around his shoulders. Keeping his eyes on hers, he grasped firmly at her hips. Right now, everything was spinning for him. Positioning him at her entrance had Joel’s lips parting, his heartbeat quickening inside of his chest. Lowering down slowly had the tip entering her with them moaning together in unison. Tensing up beneath her, Joel dropped his head and buried it against the side of her neck. Having her tight warmth enveloping his body drew out a deep rumble of a moan. Grabbing a tight hold of her hips, Joel kissed at the side of her neck and knew that he was feeling so much all at once. A whimper fell from her lips when she lowered down just a bit more and he dropped his head back. “Don’t rush this. I told you it was bigger.”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” she hushed him, bringing their lips together when she allowed her hips to lower down in over him further. Together they moaned with him pressing his forehead to hers. Giving herself time to get used to him inside of her, she placed her free hand in over his chest. Licking his lips, Joel tried to contain himself knowing that he desperately wanted to thrust upward, but he wanted to give her the power in the moment. It felt so good and he wondered if he was trembling beneath her touch. “Look at me.”

“Yes ma’am,” he slurred, his eyelids heavy with awe for the woman before him. By the time she lowered down over him completely, it had Joel moaning out with his left hand reaching up to palm in over the side of her neck. Inside of her it felt like she was made for only him with the tight walls of her body surrounding him and clinging to him. “You are so beautiful.”

“So are you,” she hovered her lips in over his, appreciating the way his hands started to caress over her body. Instead of starting off immediately, she let the two of them get used to one another. There was an ache inside of her with the full feeling of Joel’s body stretching hers. Bringing their lips together in a hungry kiss, she unhurriedly brought her hips up before rocking them back down. A raspy moan fell from Joel’s throat with his face scrunching up when she continued to move over him. “Focus on me.”

Giving her a nod, Joel’s eyes stayed connected with hers. His breathing was loud with him desperate to kiss her. His hips bouncing up toward hers faintly, eager to meet the slow downward movements her body was making over his. Every part of his body was hot with a liquid warmth flooding through his veins.

He had sex many times before this, but this was different. Something that he wasn’t used to. Maybe it was because of the time gap between his last time having sex with someone, but everything felt so much more enhanced. Kissing her again and again, their breathing grew broken with the rolls of her hips over his becoming slightly faster with just a small amount of strength being added.

“I haven’t done this in a long time,” Joel warned her, his nose nuzzling in against hers with a sense of panic in his features. With how good everything felt, he was worried that things wouldn’t last as long as he wanted it to. “I’m sorry if I…”

“Shh…” she hushed him, not allowing his fears to eat away at him. Hooking her arms loosely around his shoulders, she started moving harder over him with his hands caressing up over her body to squeeze at her full breasts. “No one is rushing anything today.”

Lowering his hands to her hips, Joel helped her rock herself over his cock with him dropping his head down to take her nipple into his mouth again. Sucking at the flesh, he felt her tugging at his hair to bring his mouth back to hers. Kissing her with everything that he had, Joel felt her tongue brushing out against his and it sent chills down his spine.

“Lay back,” she ordered pressing her hand at the center of his chest. Carefully doing as he was told, Joel panted with her adjusting her body over him. Bracing her hands back on his thighs gave her the strength she needed to start bouncing over his length more confidently. Getting to see his body going in and out of hers repeatedly kickstarted his heart inside of his chest. “You feel so good.”

Even though she was uncomfortable at first, she was doing very well handling his body like this. With how tightly her body was clinging to his, he didn’t know how much longer he could last. Which was the last thing he wanted to happen especially since he wanted this to be something more. Lifting his head, Joel’s raspy moan filled the room with panting.

Dropping her hips allowed him to fill her completely with his abdomen sinking in. Digging his fingers into her flesh, Joel was desperate for the movement of her over him. Bouncing his hips up toward her had a smacking sound filling the bedroom and she released the most addictive moan that sent chills throughout him. Together they moved in unison, his right hand dropping down to tease circles over her clit while his left stayed clung to her hip. The friction had her biting down on her bottom lip, tipping her head back.

“You are so perfect,” Joel praised her, continuing his movements. Realizing that her breathing was going broken, Joel reached for her hips and started to thrust up toward her in steady movements. Focusing on solely her in that moment, he felt proud when her cries grew louder. What he had done successfully was bring her to another orgasm. The only problem was that his body started to twitch beneath her.

“God,” Joel dropped his head back with her starting to move her hips over him again. This time with only tiny circular motions allowing a small amount of him to pull out of her before burying deeply into her again. Grunts with every movement followed and he desperately pushed up to meet her in another kiss wanting her near him.

Taking advantage of the moment, Joel rolled her onto her back being careful not to hurt her. Hooking his arm firmly around her waist, he managed to lift her enough to drag her toward the center of the bed. Lowering himself between her thighs, he leaned into her touch when he started to palm in over the side of her face. Dragging his bottom lip up over hers, Joel hummed with her arms wrapping around his shoulders. Right now he was still very much inside of her, but he wasn’t moving.

“I have no idea what you’ve done to me,” Joel muttered against her lips, drawing out a purr from her. Stroking his thumb over her cheekbone, he memorized what she looked like beneath him. Flushed, with a longing for him that drove him crazy. Nuzzling his nose in against hers, Joel lowered his weight down in over his arms bringing their bodies closer together. Starting off slow, his hips thrust upward with her arm hooking around his shoulders. Her legs wrapped around his waist with her heels loosely digging at his thighs. Every pull back and push forward was enhanced with the base of his shaft rubbing up against her. “All I wanna be is near you.”

“You can be,” she purred in his ear, kissing at the side of his face with him setting a steady pace between the two of them. Soft cries fell from her lips, vibrating against the side of his neck drawing him to moan. Keeping up the pace that he set, he just knew that he wanted to draw this out and have her near. Stroking her fingers through his messy hair, she brought him to her for them to kiss.

“You feel like home,” Joel alerted her, dropping his head down to bury it against the side of her neck. Stroking down over the lengths of his back, she cuddled her head in next to his enjoying the way the muscles flexed beneath her touch. Every movement was pronounced with the tip of Joel’s cock hitting all the right spots inside of her while providing the friction needed to stimulate her body. “Like this was where you were always meant to be.”

Tugging at his hair she brought him back for another kiss, her cries against his lips making him moan. He probably sounded ridiculous, but he was spouting off what he felt in that moment. Wincing out, Joel’s movements started to grow unsteady with him adding just a small amount more of speed between them.

“Just like that,” she encouraged him, her right hand dropping down to palm in over his bottom while the left stayed hooked into his hair.

“Yes ma’am,” he hummed against her flesh doing as he was told. Breaking away from their kiss every so often, he watched her reactions being sure to see what drew out the most pleasure for her. Her broken breaths turned to moans with Joel bouncing his hips up toward hers, her body clenching tightly to his when it started to contract around his girthy length. “I can’t keep holding on…”

“It’s okay,” she assured him with a nod, her body arching up toward every movement. Reaching for her hand, Joel hooked his fingers with hers. Pressing it down against the bed, Joel kissed her through the movements. Desperate to have that connection and close contact. Quiet moans of his name sent chills throughout him with his body starting to tense up. Moaning out, Joel’s eyes came to a tight close when he felt the throbbing of his cock. When the first sign of his release spilled out inside of her he could hear her cries growing louder as he continued to thrust through his orgasm.

Burying his head against the side of her neck, Joel’s moan was faint with the final roll of his hips over her. Closing his eyes, he couldn’t get enough of the way her fingertips stroked at the back of his neck playing with the damp curls of hair at the bottom of his neck. Their breathing was loud and broken, but they were both quiet just wanting to hold one another after everything.

Getting more comfortable over her, Joel started pressing faint kisses at the side of her face leading them to her lips to where each kiss was drawn out and sweet. Nuzzling his nose in against hers, Joel cleared his throat with how the room felt like it was spinning.

“Was that okay?” he confirmed with her, his heart racing when she gave him a smile and a small nod. Palming at the side of her face, Joel shifted his weight and pulled his hips back having the both of them moaning out when his body pulled from hers. Lowering down in beside her, Joel allowed her to crawl in over him to rest her head against the center of his chest. Wrapping her up in his arms, Joel cuddled his chin in over her head enjoying the warmth of her over him. “I really like you.”

Lifting her head, she gave him a weak smile while she stroked her fingers over the center of his chest, “I really like you too.”

There was so much Joel wanted to say, but he couldn’t considering everything he had been through. Cuddling up with her, they had managed to pull the covers in over their bodies. Instead of talking, they just laid with one another. The sounds of their breathing matched and they couldn’t stop touching one another. Whether it was her peppering kisses over his chest or him stroking his fingers over her shoulders. Regardless, they were consistently holding hands and sharing kisses until eventually she had fallen asleep in over him.

What was nice was that she was comfortable enough with him to do that, but he hadn’t done that yet because his mind was doing nothing but thinking about what they had done. Never in his life had he ever experienced with sex what he had just done with her.

Dropping his eyes, Joel looked down at her sleeping at the center of his chest. Stroking his fingers over the back of her head, Joel felt the lump in his throat growing bigger. There was so much to this woman and she made him feel better about things than he had ever felt in a very long time. But truthfully? He knew that he was no good for her. What she needed was someone to lift her up, but even with how they slept together today, he knew that she was the one trying to lift him up. The one putting forward most of the effort to show that he wasn’t broken, but he knew better. In fact, he was a very broken person and that would never change.

More than anything, he wanted to be enough for this woman, but he knew that he never would be. Shifting beneath her, Joel was very careful in the way he moved. Being cautious to the point of not wanting to wake her up. Once he managed to pull out from under her, Joel made sure to tuck the blankets in around her.

All he could keep thinking about was his past and how she deserved someone good. Someone that would lift her up and make her feel special. And it scared him that he wasn’t that person. So to avoid hurting her, it was best to stop this now before it could get any worse. Getting dressed, Joel was quiet in the way he moved throughout the room. Stopping when he got to the door, he looked back toward the bedroom and felt his chest hurt.

Normally, he wouldn’t have a problem with a one-night stand in the past. So why the fuck did this hurt so much even thinking about doing? Reaching for the doorknob, Joel huffed out and thought about the way she touched him. The way she made him feel. How she was vulnerable with him and wanted nothing more than to be close to him.

Stepping back and away from the door, Joel started pulling at his clothes again to get them from his body. Stumbling back into the bedroom, Joel lifted the blankets and slid in behind her. Wrapping his arm firmly around her waist, Joel pulled her back against him hearing her breathing change when he did it alerting him that she had woken up.

“You are so special,” Joel whispered, pressing a lingering kiss against her temple enjoying the way that her fingers hooked with his tightly. Instead of leaving, he had to fight that feeling of not being enough. Because he meant what he said to her earlier. Being with her felt like home and he hadn’t felt that way in a very long time.

----

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