#oc; Filaurel

[multisfabulis]

The Road to Forgiveness Be Damned

Freed (Chapter 7/7)

Word Count: 8737

TW: Referenced child abuse

And with the release of this chapter lies the end of this story.

This took me almost a year and nine months to finish and it’s been a rollercoaster. Despite the mental and emotional highs and lows, I’m glad I committed myself to working on this until its completion and I can’t wait to work on the other projects I’ve got lined up!

As a final note, I apologize for the word vomit that is the architecture/interior design descriptions. It was in the middle of writing those that I realized this is a major weakness of mine because my mind cannot comprehend something of that scale. I also have no artistic sense at all so a lot of set drops are based off what I'm visualizing in my mind so there's bound to be many mistakes.

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     The sound of rolling waves was like music to Ven’s ears. Water ebbed and flowed along the shore as she breathed in the salty air. She opened her eyes to see fluffy white clouds scattered across an endless sea of blue, both above and below. An early spring breeze blew through, ruffling her hair and clothes. She took a deep breath and, steadying herself, tentatively walked towards the ocean.

     It had been a little over a week since her and Ferreth’s return from Thal Esari. They left mere hours after Filaurel’s ruling, not wanting to spend more time than they already had by staying an extra day. She managed to finish reading Thessalia’s journal during the trip back and she had more questions than answers. The final entry was dated a day or so before her death and she still hadn’t made a decision on what to do with her. Rereading the last words she wrote felt weird, the image of her mother writing in her journal whilst not knowing it’d be the last imprint she’d leave in the world present in her mind. At least she knew that she’d never know what her fate would be if Thessalia survived and it may never be completely okay.

     She also learned of something that shocked her. Something she had honestly never thought of but made so much sense looking back on it. It wasn’t just because of her hatred for Vlixeoxs, her contempt for her ran deeper than that. She was meant to be a second chance but it was dashed the moment she saw what she was. She was still coming to grips with what that bombshell revealed and it scared her to know how cruel someone could be to a child.

     She shook her head to stop herself from going further. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about those dark thoughts. What she really needed to focus on was the limits in which her power could go. She never gave much thought as to what she could really do until she began wondering a few nights ago. Were the things she did just part of a dream or were they real? It was hard for her to believe she was that strong but she kept itching to try and do the marvels she had done in the dream. Today was the day she’d find out if there was more to her power she believed possible or not.

     She stopped walking when the water reached her ankles. She nervously swallowed as she let out a shaky breath. Looking behind her to see if anyone was watching, she closed her eyes and held out her hands.

     She thought of how her glaive looked, the weight and feel of it. How sharp its blade was, how tall it stood, she even remembered the tiny scratches on its hilt. She then willed her power to try and recreate her beloved weapon. She felt a weight in her hands almost immediately after she ordered it and opened her eyes. In her hands was a pitch black glaive made of darkness.

     Her eyes widened in amazement as she examined the glaive. It felt solid and was light as a feather, not like the one sitting at home. She ran her fingers along the edge of the blade, realizing just how sharp it was. It even had the ribbon she tied around the top end of the pole. This was a glaive, a weapon she made with her power, something she could do all along but never the courage to do it.

     She arced it up in the air, a fluid motion she hadn’t experienced before. Then she spun it above her head in one hand and passed it on to the other. She was beginning to really enjoy how smooth her regular moves flowed so effortlessly. There was just one more thing she needed to try out.

     Tossing it high up, she waited for the perfect moment to show itself. Once the blunt end of the pole faced her, she kicked it forward with all her might. It was sent flying several feet ahead and, right before it sank into the ocean, she attempted to summon it to her hand. It came back like a boomerang, the force and surprise at how easy it was causing her to stumble back a bit.

     She held the glaive up above her, looking at it in wonder. This was incredible to her, being able to create anything she set her mind to and with such ease! It may only be the first thing she planned on testing out but she was excited all the same. She dismissed the glaive and it dispersed into dark wisps from her hand.

     Now it was time for the second thing she remembered doing in the dream. She closed her eyes again and imagined a wall behind her. The wall had dozens of daggers, swords, and whatever else she could think of trained up at the sky. Once the image was etched in her mind, she raised her arms. Barely any sound was made as she finished summoning the wall and turned around to see it.

     Shock and awe filled her being as she marveled at her creation. The wall was tilted up towards the sky and it spanned the width of the beach. There were spikes protruding out of the surface, appearing about ready to fire. All she needed to do was lift a hand and wave it.

     So she did just that. She turned back around, raised a hand up, and pointed two fingers at the sky. Her mouth curled up into a playful smile as she eagerly braced herself for the magic that was about to happen. Like pulling the trigger of a crossbow, she shot a barrage of dark bladed weapons high into the sky. They flew ahead in an arc and landed in the ocean, dissolving into wisps once more.

     Adrenaline coursed through her body as she tried to keep herself calm. Her hands shook, butterflies fluttered around in her stomach, and her heart pounded against her chest. This may have been becoming too much for her but she wanted to keep going. How she wasn’t bouncing all over the place was anyone’s guess.

     Time for the third and final phase. The thing she never ever thought would be possible, even if she knew how the other two worked. This was something she’d been looking forward to the most and, if she could do it, it’d be a miracle. It didn’t take much for her to remember the image because how could she forget such a sight? A weight was placed on her back and she wanted to squeal in delight.

     She glanced over her shoulder. Two giant black wings were attached to the middle of her back, beads of darkness dripping off them onto the sand below. They weren’t feathered but they didn’t need to be to look beautiful. They were like a smooth onyx gem that shone a slight purple tinge when the light hit them right. She had only caught a glimpse of them in the moonlight from the dream so seeing them on a bright day like today made this moment all the more special.

     She took in a deep, shaky breath, excited for what was happening next. Her wings lifted themselves higher and higher before coming down with a tremendous whoosh. Sand blew away from her as she flew up in the air.

     She stopped just above where the trees’ canopy was. Her wings flapped behind her as she took in her surroundings. It was breathtaking to see the beach, the forest, the ocean, everything from a new perspective and she loved it. Now she could start to really have some fun with this newfound ability.

     She flew under the rocky cliff that overshadowed the beach, weaving through the crags rising up from the ocean below. Then she soared on up to the clouds, bobbing in and out of them and feeling the wind and dew on her face. She swooped down to the sea and glided above its surface, sticking her hand in to feel the cool water go through her fingers. This was everything she could’ve ever dreamed of and she could do this at any time she wanted.

     Then she had an idea. It was, admittedly, a very dumb and very risky idea because of how much danger she’d be putting herself in but the chance of it working was there. If it panned out, it’d be extraordinary.

     She drifted up several feet above the water. Anxiety began to grow in her stomach as she realized just how dangerous her idea was. She could very well drown if this went poorly, due to her inability to swim. It could be hours or even days before someone found her and it’d be too late at that point.

     No, she couldn’t think like that. This might work after all and she’ll have been worrying over nothing. She attempted to settle down her nerves before steeling herself for what was to come. Then, after relaxing her shoulders and steadying her breathing, she dove into the ocean.

     It was like being in the swamp again, except she could see this time. Light filtered in from above, giving the underwater a crystal blue hue. There were many different plants and coral and algae and they were all so vibrant and colorful. Schools of fish quickly swam away when she glanced at them. It was so pretty to look at but she needed to get back up to the surface.

     Her wings managed to stay with her after her dive and they were beating as hard as they could to help her. Her lungs began to burn from the lack of air as she tried to swim up, her arms and legs feeling like lead weighing her down. Fear started to set in, her heart about ready to stop at any moment. A burst of strength came to her once she got close to the surface and it gave her wings the power they needed to break through.

     She shot out of the water like an arrow, sailing up several feet. Water droplets clung to her wings, trailing down till they fell back into the ocean. She drew them in and quickly unfurled them, shaking the last few drops off them. The sun cast her shadow across the water and she couldn’t help liking what she saw. That was her, her and her power, and she didn’t feel ashamed.

     She flew back to shore, an exuberant smile on her face. Her idea worked, it wasn’t a failure. Heck, everything in her dream wasn’t a dream, it was all real. She had done those things and they were all her.

     All her life, she had been shamed for being a Vlixeox. Her eyes, her power, they were things that alerted others of her race. She could only do so much with her eyes but she could hide her power. She could pretend it didn’t exist, it wasn’t a part of her, until she got home, where she felt safe enough to let the mask fall. She hated having to hide it but she also hated having it.

     Every time she looked in a mirror, she was reminded of it. How she, a Vlixeox, was living among people who were normal, elves. The mirror reflected back everything she wasn’t. Even if they tolerated her existence, just seeing them go about their daily lives made her aware of how different, how other she was. It was a constant struggle to hide the parts that gave her true nature away and pretend to be like one of them and it almost killed her.

     It was only when she took a chance and helped Eric with her power back in Brinegarde she didn’t have to hide anymore. He accepted her as she was and treated her like she was his friend. Her once tiny world grew after meeting him, he brought her out of the darkness and into the light. It’s because of his kindness she found people that didn’t care about what she was and she was happy.

     Maybe it was because of her time here she felt comfortable knowing her power was a part of her. There was no need to conceal it anymore. She never allowed herself to have fun with it but today changed all that. It felt so nice and wondrous and…liberating to enjoy this and having this and being this. She didn’t know if she’d ever be completely okay with being a Vlixeox but she figured she was on the right track.

     Her wings faded away once she was safely back on land. She looked over at the forest beyond the docks and her smile dropped. There, just before the trees made way to the clearing, was Ferreth.

     A surprised scream escaped from her mouth and she jumped back, her butt landing on the wet sand. He started laughing as she drew her hood up to hide her face. Her face felt warm, no doubt from the blush she knew she had. She heard him quiet some before seeing him crouch down in front of her.

     “H-how long were you standing there?” she asked, flustered.

     “Just enough to see you flying around everywhere,” he replied, resting his cheek against his hand and a teasing smile on his face.

     She let out an embarrassed whine. She felt mortified at how he may have seen everything she did and that was humiliating. It wasn’t that she was now regretting ever doing this or letting herself enjoy it as much as she did. Having someone see her act so…childishly was something she felt uncomfortable with.

     “Hey, it’s not that bad,” he said, dropping his hand. “It was adorable, seeing how much fun you were having.”

     Answering him with another whine, he continued on with, “I think that was my first time seeing you act so…openly, I guess. You’re a lot more withdrawn normally so it was a nice surprise to watch. It’d be nice to see you like that more often.”

     She finally looked up at him, staring into his light green eyes. They were warm and full of love, her heart fluttering the longer she peered in. He placed a hang atop her head and petted it, her cheeks still warm as she pouted.

     “Come on, let’s get you up.” He stood up and held his hand out to her.

     Sighing, she let her hood down and took his hand. He helped her up easily enough and she tried to wring the water out of her cloak. It may have been stupid to hope it hadn’t gotten too wet, considering how she literally dove underwater earlier, but she would be devastated if it was ruined. It was too important to her so she needed to be more careful from now on.

     They climbed up the steps and were east of town. Her blush cooled down as her embarrassment from earlier gave way to anxiety. Today wouldn’t just be her unshackling herself from the hate people imposed on her when she was a child. She was taking a leap of faith, trusting in the hope he wouldn’t think differently of her.

     “Hey, Ferret?” They had just passed the first building when she called out to him. “Is it okay if you come with me to see Eric?”

     Confused, he asked, “Sure, but is there something you need me to do with him?”

     “No, it’s… I’m planning on telling him.”

     That was all she needed to say for him to understand. She was going to tell Eric everything that happened in Thal Esari, both in the past and present. Even her crime, something she wasn’t looking forward to. The prospect had been brought up before when they were there but she wasn’t sure if she’d ever do it. Her fear of him becoming scared of her was still a real possibility in her mind.

     As she said back then, Eric was the first person to befriend her, show kindness to her. He was the reason she lived in Aurora Zenith now, the reason she and Ferreth met, the reason she was finally coming around to accepting herself. She didn’t want to imagine him hating her over what she did. If their friendship shattered after everything was revealed, it’d just kill her.

     Even so, he deserved to know what happened. She struggled with keeping the bad memories from overwhelming her when he first asked her about it. Now, after all she’s been through the past several months, she felt brave enough to tell him.

     She was asking Ferreth to come with her so he’d give her courage. That was why he came with her to Thal Esari and he’d serve the same purpose here. If it somehow went badly, she’d also need him there for comfort. She hoped it wouldn’t end like that and it would go smoothly.

     “What made you decide on telling him?” he asked.

     “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it and I feel like I’m ready. At least, I think I do, anyway…” she replied with a nervous laugh.

     “Hey, if you think you’re ready, then go ahead. Just know that I’ll be there for you, okay? I doubt Eric’s gonna suddenly hate you or be scared of you so…”

     His words were all that she could rely on for this. Even if he turned out to be right and Eric didn’t think any differently of her, it didn’t stop the thought of it actually happening from plaguing her mind. All she could do was hope and pray that things would be all right in the end.

     They arrived at the plaza, busy as it would be after the start of a new season. It was strange how, even with Aurora Zenith being more condensed yet bigger than Thal Esari, she liked the ambiance. Maybe it was because she had felt welcomed and not terrified for her life like she thought she’d be. It was nice to have people actually accepting her instead of shunning her for being a Vlixeox. She missed this while they were gone and she was going to enjoy it.

     The plaza was generally regarded as the marketplace, as evident by the many shops and stalls open for business. It was also the place for people to gather around and socialize, something she still wasn’t used to yet. The smell of freshly cooked food made her mouth water as she overheard the chatter and laughter all around her. A small smile rose to her face; she considered this place to be her home and she wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the whole world.

     “By the way, there’s something else I wanted to tell you.” He leaned his head over to listen. “I decided to forgive Lady Filaurel for what she did.”

     As if he swallowed something and it went down badly, he coughed a few times before exclaiming, “What?! I’m sorry, but what the fuck?”

     “Okay, hear me out.” She took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to phrase what she’d say next. “All my life, I’ve been told that I was a monster. I was a monster because I was a Vlixeox, which meant I didn’t have the right to exist. I believed them, especially after what I did. I still believe them now but I want to prove to both everyone and myself that I’m not. To me, I think forgiving Lady Filaurel would be the first step to doing that because monsters wouldn’t know what forgiveness was. That’s just what I think, though.”

     It may have been strange to those who didn’t understand it but that’s what she believed. The “monster” she faced in the swamp, seven of the people she killed, forgave her when she felt she didn’t deserve such a thing. She was the reason they weren’t alive anymore and they still showed her forgiveness. If they could do that to their killer, then she could forgive Filaurel for all she did to her. It was a choice she knew not many would agree with but it was still her decision to make.

     “Am I wrong for doing that?” she asked. His feelings toward her had been made very clear so she had an idea of how he’d take this.

     Running a hand through his hair, he replied, “You already know how I feel about her. I absolutely despise that bitch for all she’s done to you and, if it were me, I never would’ve forgiven her.

     “But--” he placed both hands on her shoulders-- “you’re not me. I may disagree with your choice but it’s not my place to tell you what to do. If you wanna forgive her, then I’ll support you, no matter what. Who am I to judge on how you want to heal?”

     “Thank you, Ferret. I appreciate it,” she said, smiling softly. “Just so we’re clear, I don’t mean that people like me should forgive those that have hurt them. It’s just how I see things.”

     “I figured that’s what you meant.”

     They walked up the stone stairs that led to Eric’s house. It sat nestled in a gathering of elm trees just growing their leaves back and on the cliff she had flown under earlier. The front was painted a faded silvery white and had a porch of the same color that spanned to both ends of the house. The front door was in the middle, two small windows on its left and a large on its right, the nailed-in shutters black. The porch steps creaked under their feet as they stopped at the door. It was a beautiful mahogany door with a simple bronze knocker sitting atop it. Above the knocker was the emblem for Aurora Zenith inscribed in gold.

     She tapped the door with the knocker’s handle a couple times. As she waited for someone to answer, she looked up at the emblem. It depicted honeysuckle vines crawling up towards the sun, its ray of light shining down on the town below. This was meant to represent her home, the place she swore to protect. She hoped it’d still be her home after all was said and done.

     The door swung open to reveal Delrelle. They were Eric’s housekeeper and, though she’s only met them once or twice, they seemed nice, if a bit stoic. Their face held no emotion as they greeted them with a bow.

     “Lady Venlithea and Sir Ferreth, what business have you here today?” they asked, standing upright.

     “We’re here to see Eric, we have something we wish to speak with him about,” she replied. “Could we see him if he isn’t too busy?”

     “Let me check in with him.” They closed the door and, after a moment passed, they opened the door and stepped aside. “I’ll see you to his office.”

     The two of them were then led to where Eric’s office was. They passed by a white staircase leading up to the second floor on their right and the archway that served as the threshold to the living room on their left. A white trim divided the light blue walls in the middle and a long white rug covered the hardwood floor, stretching from the foyer all the way down to the double doors in the back. Paintings of Brinegarde, Thornewind, Mapleshear, and Ravenstrand decorated the walls, what were once Eric’s sketches given life. Small side tables had trinkets such as a seashell, a windmill sculpture, a maple leaf preserved in resin, and a small bowl full of gemstones from the towns he visited over the past ten months. It felt homey.

     When Delrelle knocked on the door, a second wave of anxiety swept over her. It was only a matter of time now until he learned the truth. A pit began to form in her stomach, growing wider and winder as she let out a shaky breath. Her heart pounded against her chest and she was finding it hard to breathe---

     Ferreth’s hand took hold of hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. No words had to be said for her to remember. He was going to be in there with her, be the beacon of courage she so desperately needed right now. She took a deep breath and squeezed back, letting him know she was okay.

     After hearing a muffled “Come in”, the three of them walked inside. Eric sat at a maple desk with stacks upon stacks of paper piled all over, half read books sitting on top of some. Bookshelves filled with history, law, art, and story books lined the walls. They stood on a grand, ornate rug that blanketed the floor, the only thing in the room that carried some sense of sophistication. The whole room fit someone who valued simplicity over complexity but still had something to show for his position.

     Bowing, Delrelle said, “Master, Lady Venlithea and Sir Ferreth have some matters they wish to speak with you about. I’ll leave them in your care.”

     “Thank you.” Eric stood up from his chair to stretch as they went back out to the hallway, closing the door behind them. “Ven, Ferreth, what brings you two here?”

     “Were you in the middle of something?” Ferreth asked.

     “Nah, I was just taking a break before--” he raised his arms above his head, a soft pop echoing in the room-- “getting back to work. You had something to talk about?”

     “It’s more like I had something to tell you,” she spoke up. “Something important.”

     “Well, what is it?”

     She swallowed nervously, the moment of truth finally here. The moment in which everything could change between them. Ferreth put a hand on her back to push her forward, his way of telling her to go through with it. Refusing to let her resolve be shaken, she looked Eric dead in the eye.

     “Do you remember when you asked me how the people of my old village treated me back on the boat ride here?” she asked, trying to not let her anxiety show.

     “...Yeah,” he replied, regret flickering across his face for a split second. “Am I finally gonna hear about that?”

     “I’m finally ready to tell you everything. I’m honestly scared but you deserve to know every last thing that happened.”

     “Ven, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Don’t feel like you need to tell me unless you want to.”

     “You’re the last person I ever wanted to tell this to because you mean so much to me. It’s because of that that I’m telling you.”

     Then she told him everything she could remember. From how she’d commit petty thievery to survive to the horrific torture she endured. He was never good at hiding how he felt and the anger on his face was plain to see. She really should’ve known what his reaction would be upon hearing her story from the start.

     She hadn’t told him the worst thing yet. The hope was that maybe, just maybe, he’d show mercy to her after learning of what happened that fateful day. He wouldn’t fear or hate her if he knew the reason behind it all. It’d still probably scare him to know she had killed fifteen people but he’d understand why. His kindness knew no bounds, even if it was shown to someone who didn’t deserve it.

     “God, it sounds horrible, what happened to you,” he said, rubbing his hands over and over.

     “There’s still more to tell you and it’s worse than everything else,” she added, the hairs on her body standing on end.

     “What could be worse than what I’ve just heard?”

     “Something not good. Something really bad.”

     She looked to Ferreth, silently pleading for him to give her the strength she needed. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it. She laid her hand over his, mustering up the courage to tell him.

     “When I was eight years old, I was banished from Thal Esari.” A chill overcame her as she struggled to breathe. “The reason for that is…that I---”

     There was a knock at the door. Delrelle cracked it open and said there was someone who wished to speak with Eric immediately. A pit of dread began to build up in her stomach as she anxiously wondered who was here. Her heart sank and her eyes widened in shock at the person coming in.

     Filaurel walked up towards them, looking her absolute best. Her gray hair was down from its usual bun, styled to where it rested atop her chest. She wore a stunning floor length pearl white dress with a white and gold cape flowing down to her waist. She had her cane with her like always, though she seemed to be using it for its intended purpose rather than as decoration. Her chin was held up high as she sneered at her, standing before Eric.

     Ferreth attempted to shield her from her but it was no use. He was probably wondering why she was here, much like she. Did she just arrive in Aurora Zenith? What reason was she here for? Did their actions on the day of her ruling play a part into why she was here? The biggest worry she had was what she could possibly do.

     “I don’t believe we’ve met, my name’s Eric Travere, lord of Aurora Zenith.” He came around the desk and held out his hand. “Might I ask for yours?”

     “Ah, yes, I’m Filaurel Crawraek and I’m what you’d call the ‘lord’ of Thal Esari,” she replied, gingerly shaking his hand. “Though I prefer being referred to as ‘Lady’.”

     “So, what brings you all the way here to our little town?” he asked, leaning back on the desk with legs crossed.

     “Well, I unfortunately come bearing bad news about your subordinates, especially concerning Venlithea.” She shot a cold glance towards her. “Has she told you of what she’s done in Thal Esari, both the past and present?”

     It was as if a great weight crashed down upon her. She knew what she was going to tell him. She was going to reveal her crime to him and how she had selfishly asked for forgiveness, all because she questioned her authority. If he heard of it from her, that would be it. Their friendship would be over, he’d drive her out of town, and she’ll be all alone again.

     “I mean, I know some of why she was there a couple weeks ago but I don’t know much of what she’s done in her childhood other than what she’s told me,” he replied, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why?”

     “Then it’s of great importance I tell you this. You see, when she was a child, she---”

     “Don’t tell him!” She grabbed onto her arm in desperation. “Please, I beg you, don’t tell him!”

     “Unhand me at once, Venlithea!” She tried to get out of her grip but she held strong. “He has a right to know of what you did.”

     “Please don’t tell him! I’ll---I’ll do anything you want, just don’t tell him!”

     “When Venlithea was a child, she---”

     “My Lady, please…!” Tears stung her eyes as she fell to her knees, still holding onto her.

     “---took the lives of fifteen people. Cut them down mercilessly.”

     Her heart stopped as she let go of her arm. She would’ve collapsed entirely on the floor if it weren’t for Ferreth gently lifting her by her arms to stand her up. His hands remained on her shoulders to steady her. It felt as if the floor had gone out from under her, the world a blur.

     That was it, her secret was out. Eric now knew of the horrible deed she did. He had to be scared of her now, terrified of her hurting him. Maybe he even hated her and wanted her out of his sight. He was probably beginning to regret meeting her, befriending her, helping her. She was nothing more than a monster in his eyes, the very thing she wanted to prove to everyone she wasn’t. If he wanted her to leave and never come back, she’d do it. If he so desired that, she’d do it. She’d do anything he’d ask of her because she loved him. How tragic was it for a monster to love the person who wished he never saved her?

     “Really?” he asked in disbelief. “What reason would she have to do that?”

     “I honestly can’t fathom why,” she replied. “All I know is, she was sentenced to public lashing after committing yet another act of thievery and she just…snapped.”

     Not even bothering to hide the anger in his voice, Ferreth retorted, “That’s bullshit and you and I both know it.”

     “Ferreth...” Eric warned, attempting to quiet him down. “Could you tell me why Ven would do something like that? I just find it hard to believe that a child at the time could do such a thing.”

     “Venlithea was always a troublesome child. She’d keep getting into skirmishes with the other children, pickpocketed others for their money, the list goes on. She got into trouble so often, I had to resort to the extremes to try and correct her behavior. I thought the multiple lashings would be enough for her to desist but…I was wrong. It is because of my pride that I paid the ultimate price.” She sniffled as if holding back tears. “She’s lucky I only banished her when I could’ve had her executed.”

     All she said were lies. She never got into any fights nor did she steal money from people. She stayed as far away as she could from others and she only stole food from the marketplace; everything else she scavenged for. How could she stand there and lie through her teeth like it was nothing?

     “Funny you say that, because Ven gave me a different version of events. She said people often spoke down to her and she would be threatened with a lashing if she didn’t exactly do what they said. There were days she’d starve or had things she found taken away from her for no reason. If she asked why, it was because she had broken a rule that had been set but she hadn’t heard of the rule until that moment. So, tell me--” Eric placed his hands on the edge of the desk and tilted his head-- “which of you are lying?”

     Letting out a chuckle, Filaurel replied, “Well, you know how Vlixeoxs are. They’re well-renown liars. They’d say anything to make themselves seem innocent and Venlithea’s no exception. After all, she hadn’t told you of her crime and you saw for yourself how much she didn’t want you to know. How do you know she’s not using your kindness against you to suit her agenda?”

     “Oh, you’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Ferreth’s hands tightened on her shoulders. “She was gonna tell him about that until you came in and she was begging you not to tell him because she knew you’d twist the truth of what happened to make her out to be the bad guy. You’re the liar here, you old crone.”

     Why did it matter as to who was lying? What’s done was done and she had been outed as a killer. It can never be taken back. What point was there in defending her when it didn’t erase what she did?

     “Another thing, your subordinate here--” she gestured to Ferreth-- “has quite the mouth on him. Let’s just say that, during our last meeting, he took it upon himself to call me very vulgar things, words I’d rather not repeat. I figured to let you know so you could decide on the best course of action to take.”

     “Ohh…” Eric sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Ferreth, is she telling the truth?”

     Letting out a breath, Ferreth replied, “Yes. I admit, I lost my temper and said some pretty…not so good things but I’m not apologizing or taking them back. I couldn’t just stand idly by while she tore into Ven with her remarks. I accept whatever punishment you give to me, my lord.”

     “I see…” He took a moment to think on what he wanted to say next. “Well, as much as it may upset you, Lady Filaurel, there’s not much I can do. He was out of my jurisdiction at the time and, since he hadn’t broken the law over there and was considered a mere visitor, I’m not responsible for his actions outside of Aurora Zenith.”

     “You mean to let him walk scot-free?” she asked, a tinge of anger dripping into her voice.

     “The best I can do is a stern lecture but I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to hear that.”

     Huffing, she asked, “And what of her? What do you mean to do with Venlithea?”

     “From what I’ve gathered, she hasn’t done anything to warrant disciplinary action. Whatever she did back then doesn’t matter now and even if it did, she was already tried in your court of law.”

     “She’s a Vlixeox, my good sir. It’s far too dangerous for you to let something like her wander around unsupervised. I’d suggest putting in some preventative measures to ensure that a massacre on the scale of Thal Esari’s doesn’t happen again.”

     “Ven’s lived here for about a year now and no one’s had a problem with her, as far as I’m aware. I think we’ll be perfectly fine.”

     “You’re underestimating her. Sooner or later, she’ll take matters into her own hands and you’ll be left with several people dead when their deaths could’ve been prevented. All I’m asking is that you don’t let a repeat of what happened in Thal Esari happen here.”

     “Okay--” He pushed himself off the desk and stood up to his full height-- “forgive me if I’m out of line but you keep going on and on about this tragedy that occurred yet you’ve provided next to no explanations as to what her motive could’ve been. Have you ever thought that you might share part of the blame? Have you ever tried to take responsibility for her actions, since you were her guardian, I’d assume?”

     “Y-you insolent…” She recognized the tone of her voice. It was the tone she’d use if anyone seriously crossed her. “How am I the one to blame for what Venlithea did? I’m not the one who tore their bodies asunder while others ran and pled for mercy! Do you have any idea how hard it was to raise a child such as she and it turn out to be a complete failure? I’m still paying for the mistakes she made! You clearly do not deserve the title bestowed upon you if you won’t heed my advice.

     “Only a fool would trust someone who committed mass murder in the past. I’d only ask you don’t come crying to me when she inevitably kills again because you refused to see how dangerous the beast really was. You’ll be just as much a monster as she is for letting her do such a heinous thing.”

     Time seemed to freeze at that moment. Her mind kept replaying what Filaurel said with so much clarity. Eric, her light, her savior, would be considered a monster for what she did if the time where she’d kill again ever came? That wasn’t right; someone as kind and sincere as him could never be a monster.

     A deep seething anger began to stir inside her. It was one thing to call her a monster when she already knew she was. She gritted her teeth and clenched her shaking hands into fists. It was a whole other thing to call Eric, someone that reached a gentle hand out to her, someone she loved with every fiber of her being, a monster. The words spilled from her mouth before she could stop herself.

     “What did you say, Venlithea?” she asked indignantly.

     Whirling around to face her, she heatedly replied, “I said shut up!”

     She took a step back from her sudden outburst. “W-where do you get off on speaking to me like that? Have you forgotten who you’re speaking to, Venlithea?”

     “I think the better question is, where do you get off on speaking to him like that? He’s a monster for whatever I do? How dare you… He saved me from the darkness you put me in, he gave me a reason to live from the hell you put me in, he gave me a home I’m happy in, and you call him a monster for helping me? You should be ashamed…you no-good, lying bitch!”

     A resounding crack rang clear in the room. Her cheek burned from Filaurel slapping her as she stood there in shock, realizing what just happened. She only had one question on her mind: was that it?

     A sense of extreme hostility overcame the room. She could hear a hiss followed by vicious growling beside her. Eric was warning Ferreth not to do anything stupid, which she figured to be bloody murder. Her eyes wandered over to Filaurel, hand still raised in the air after striking her. She touched her cheek and let out a short breathless laugh in utter amazement.

     “Huh…that’s the best you can do?” she asked, a brazen smile on her face. “That’s what I was afraid of all this time? I used to be so scared of you but now I see there wasn’t any reason to be…Grandmother.”

     She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. “This is hardly the time for jokes.”

     “In one of the last entries Thessalia wrote before her death, she talked about how she had to swallow her pride and beg you for help because she was so lost on what to do with me. She thought you’d have a shred of love for her to know that she was scared, especially since the time I would be born was coming closer and closer. Instead, you told her she was on her own and left her all alone.

     “I read all the ways you tried to control her and when she got away from you, you disowned her. I was your second chance at getting the ‘perfect’ child you always wanted but I turned out to be a Vlixeox. You couldn’t stand knowing that your grandchild, the baby you waited so long for to mold into someone you deemed perfect, was a Vlixeox. You took all your anger and hatred out on me and I didn’t know any better.”

     “I tried my best to raise you but you refused to behave!” she exclaimed, tapping her fingers against the curve of her cane. “If I had known you’d turn out like this, I wouldn’t have wasted so much of my time trying to care for you. If you had just listened to me, I would’ve treated you better.”

     “It wouldn’t have mattered what I did!” She kicked the cane out of her grip. “For years, I believed what you and everyone else said about me. I thought I deserved all the suffering I got because I was a Vlixeox and that meant I was bad. I tried so, so hard to be good and it was never enough. You hurt me over and over and over, even as I laid on the ground bleeding, wishing that I could die so the pain would stop.

     “I was wrong to ask for forgiveness from you because I should’ve known you’d never give it to me. I didn’t have a chance in hell because your mind was set the moment I asked for it. You’re just a sad, bitter old woman that loved breaking me if it brought me a step closer to being your obedient pet.”

     She took a deep breath and glared daggers at her. “I refuse to let you control me for the rest of my life. Both of us may believe I’m a monster but I did something I know you’ll never live down. I’ve forgiven you for all you’ve done to me but you better believe I will never forget it. Now get the hell out of my home and never come back.”

     The room fell into an eerie silence. Filaurel looked at her in shock, as if she never expected her to finally stand up to her. If she was honestly speaking, it was a surprise to her, too. She probably would’ve stopped halfway through if it weren’t for her outrage at Eric being called a monster and the adrenaline coursing through her veins.

     Alek came in just as the quiet began to wear out its welcome. Eric asked for him to show Filaurel the way out, promising to explain what happened later. To everyone’s surprise, she went along with it, only stopping to pick her cane up off the floor. It was when she crossed the threshold she did it. She tossed parting words over her shoulder, seemingly directed towards her.

     “I was wrong to think you were nothing like Thessalia. You got the rebellious streak I despised her for having.”

     That wasn’t something she ever expected to hear. She never once thought she was similar to her mother in any way and reading through her journal seemed to confirm how different they were. Maybe she had more in common with her and it was just a matter of figuring out when and what.

     “Holy shit, Ven, that was amazing!” Ferreth said excitedly, picking her up by the waist to hug her. “You finally told that bitch to fuck off!”

     “Ah, yeah, I…I guess I did, huh?” she replied, her cheeks warm from the sudden hug. “Could you put me down, please?”

     “Yeah, you did.” Eric put a hand on her head and started petting her after she was back on the ground. “I’m proud of you. You finally stood up for yourself.”

     It made her happy beyond words to see pride in his eyes. There was no fear or regret in his voice, only a fond warmth she heard so rarely. Ferreth was right; he wouldn’t think differently of her and it was silly to believe otherwise.

     She was lost in thought as Ferreth dragged her out to “celebrate her victory”. She never imagined her life would be like this when she was a child. She only had a day of no punishments to look forward to back then. She didn’t think she’d have friends, a home she was happy in, people who had love to give, a life. It was because of Filaurel banishing her that everything happened the way it did and…it was the one decision she made that turned out to be good for her.

     If anything, it was thanks to Thessalia she even had a life. She may not have had much choice in the matter but she was still grateful to her for giving her life. She wondered if the voice she heard back at the graveyard was her, letting her know that she was watching over her. She liked to believe it was possible. She held the amethyst ring she kept around her neck between her fingers and smiled.

     Would she be proud of her daughter and the kind of person she was becoming? Would she not need to worry over her anymore now that she was surrounded by people that truly cared about her? She had a home she belonged in. She knew if things ever got tough, she’d be okay. She still believed herself to be a monster but…she was beginning to think she was less of one now.

[multisfabulis]

The Road to Forgiveness Be Damned

Return to a Paradisal Hell (Chapter 1/7)

Word Count: 4283

TW: Referenced child abuse, emotional abuse

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, outside of the RWBY fic I wrote back in January, this is what I’ve been writing for the past several months. I began writing this right after ASRLSD was done and this has been a fucking trip.

This story will be delving into some dark territory that I won’t spoil but it will be tagged appropriately with each chapter that comes out. I’ve tried my best to portray these themes realistically and respectfully but there’s still a chance I might’ve messed up somewhere along the way. Lastly, this story’s also a bit of an emotional rollercoaster but you can count on there being a happy ending.

As always, I hope you enjoy reading this and I look forward to any and all criticism you have!

Read on AO3 | Read on DA

     Thal Esari seemed to be almost how Ven had remembered it. The same patchy dirt ground, the same old, rickety buildings, the same sunny sky… It was the perfect idyllic paradise from the outside. She, however, considered Thal Esari to be a miserable and hateful hell.

     The dread she felt during the beginning of this trip grew tremendously after passing through the entrance. She never imagined being here again and her mind was screaming at her to run away. A part of her wanted to, though she knew she couldn’t. She had a reason for coming back here. This was too important for her to throw away, no matter how scared she was.

     After looking around a bit, Ferreth said, “Reminds me of Thesriden, ‘cept it’s nowhere near this… cultured, if that makes sense.”

     “Hasn’t changed much since my stay here,” she replied, taking in all the familiar sights, sounds, and smells. Everything was slowly coming back to her.

     “You spent some of your childhood here, right?” he asked.

     “Mm-hmm, eight years before my… banishment.”

     She cupped her hands over her mouth to calm her breathing. A tightly knitted knot of nerves began to unravel with each passing second. Despite how warm it was, the fact that she was here again made her shiver. Just standing here gave her more anxiety than she knew what to do with. If she was already feeling this bad, how will she fare upon meeting the person responsible for it?

     Noticing her distress, he asked concernedly, “Ven, you all right?”

     His voice broke through her thoughts, something she greatly appreciated. Bringing her hair over her shoulder to brush her hand through it, she said, “It’s just… I’m an adult now but I feel like a little kid again. I feel like looking over my shoulder to see if I have enough time to hide. It’s probably stupid to feel this way but…”

     He put his hands on her shoulders. “Ven, we don’t have to do this if you’re not up for it. Your well-being is important so if you’re feeling scared, just say the word and we’ll go home right now.”

     “Thank you for your concern but--” she took his hands off her shoulders-- “I need to do this. It’s hard for me to explain why but please understand that I feel I need to do this, okay?”

     Despite the worry across his face, he let out a defeated sigh. “All right, but the second you say something, we’re going home. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

     Her lips turned up into a small smile as she nodded her head in agreement. She felt lucky for having him around. He gave her some well-needed distraction at times and was reliable enough for stuff like this. He may not be able to completely understand what she went through but that was okay. So long as he listened and helped her whenever her memories overwhelmed her, she’d be okay.

     “So we need to find this Filaurel, right?” he asked, hands clasped behind his head. Glancing up to the sky, she replied, “Lady Filaurel should be at the town hall right around now.”

     “Then we should get going, right?”

     “Yes.” She brought the front of her cloak closer so as to bring herself some comfort.

     So they were off to the town hall. They had some travelling to do, with them being in the outskirts while the building itself laid in the village square. Thank god it wasn’t busy today; otherwise, her anxiety would be going through the roof.

     As they crossed the marketplace, she felt as if she was being watched. No matter how many times she looked, people were minding their business. Then again, her being here must be really out of place. She wondered if anyone had recognized her from long ago. If so, they had to be horrified at seeing the Vlixeox they once terrorized walking around the village again. After the crime she committed, she was sentenced to never return.

     Ferreth’s pep talk did little to calm her nerves. Each step closer to the town hall brought her more anxiety. She was scared to see Lady Filaurel again, who had only dealt her vicious blows and scornful words. Anything she might say or do to her when they met again terrified her to no end. The only thing that made this even the slightest bit bearable was having Ferreth with her.

     They finally arrived at the town hall and it still intimidated her. Unlike its kind, this had the finest of stonework lovingly crafted into it. Cement pillars painted to look like marble adorned the front and silver-framed doors led to the great hall. It represented everything Filaurel wanted Thal Esari to be. An ordinary village that transformed into what everyone believed paradise to look like.

     “Pfft, seems a bit much for a place people gather at to talk about legal crap,” Ferreth said disapprovingly, rolling his eyes.

     A guard stationed at the base of the stairs looked at them suspiciously. She found it weird for only one guard to be posted at the town hall. While the village was decently small by her standards, this made no sense. Either Filaurel was absolutely sure she was safe or her age was starting to get to her.

     Exhaling a nervous breath, she approached the guard and asked, “Excuse me, is Lady Filaurel in right now?”

     His demeanor changed suddenly and, hand reaching towards his weapon, stammered out, “A-and what business do you have with her?”

     “Tell her Venlithea Virthana wants to see her.” Her eyes kept darting to his hand, bracing herself for its unsheathing. “It’s important.”

     With stilted movements, he walked up the stone stairs and went inside. She sighed in relief, proud of herself for getting through the first hurdle. Not having a sword drawn on her was even better. Compared to the many other times it’s happened, this was a welcome change of pace.

     The guard came back minutes later and said she’d see her. Her anxiety swelled as she gave him her thanks. Before she could go up the stairs, though, he whispered something into her ear.

     “Try anything and you’ll be dead before you reach the gate. You and your friend.”

     She gulped and quickly walked up with Ferreth in tow. Yep, that was more of what she was used to. Glad to know some things didn’t change over time, she thought sarcastically. Once at the top, she took hold of the door knob, turned it, and went inside the building.

     There was an immediate shift in ambiance. Where it was warm and humid outside, it was cold and dry inside. The sense of unease she felt was so familiar, she may as well have been a child again. Her desire to run away burned so intensely, she imagined flames licking up the edges of her body.

     Just beyond the next set of doors was Filaurel. Despite how chilly it was, she felt as if she were sweating buckets. Would she really be able to do this? To see the woman responsible for all her issues?

     Placing a hand on her shoulder, Ferreth said, “Remember, Ven, whatever happens in there, I’ll be right there next to you.”

     She laid her hand on his, thankful for the support. Even if the whole world turned against her, he’d be right by her side. Bracing herself for the uphill battle ahead, she went through the set of doors in front of her.

     They entered a large room. The wall in front of them was nothing but a window that almost spanned corner to corner. To their left was a dais that held three seats, though the middle one stood taller than the two beside it. On the right were two small groups of benches divided in the middle and an overhanging balcony above them. In the center of the room was a lone elf.

     Her long gray hair was pulled into a tight bun atop her head. She wore floor-length robes the color of ivory and held an oaken walking cane in front of her. The cane was only for show, which she often used to step on her hands as punishment. All the “discipline” she endured was ordered from this woman. Without a doubt, this was Filaurel, the leader of Thal Esari.

     “Venlithea Virthana.” Her deep voice shook her to her core. “Kneel.”

     She did as she was told and knelt. Her heart raced as she heard Filaurel take slow, careful steps towards her. The knot of nerves from earlier had fully unraveled, its imaginary strings beginning to fray from tension. Whatever she might do to her scared her to no end.

     Raising her chin up with the curved end of her cane, Filaurel said, “You are very foolish to have come back here with a sentence of banishment.”

     Eyes the color of roasted walnuts bore through the depths of her soul. Her throat felt incredibly dry as she tried to speak. She opened her mouth to say something but the words just wouldn’t come to her.

     “Speak!” she commanded, her voice echoing in the empty room.

     “Y-yes, it was very foolish of me to come back a-and I apologize for that.” She squeezed her eyes shut and took a gulp of air. “But I have something I want to discuss with you.”

     She removed the cane from her chin. “You may stand.”

     Filaurel walked away from her and she internally let out a big sigh of relief. She stood up to see her stepping onto the dais to sit in the middle seat. That was the first stage, now it was time for the second.

     “So…” began Filaurel, clasping her hands together, “What is it you wish to discuss?”

     Mustering up all the courage she had, she simply said, “I came to ask for forgiveness.”

     She raised an eyebrow. “Really? Surely you jest.”

     “I know you may have some… misgivings about me, which are completely valid, and I know that what I did is something I can never take back. But I---”

     “You are right in that you’ve done something so horrendous, it can never be taken back. Why do you seek forgiveness from me?”

     “B-because I’ve spent the time since my sentencing to think about what I’ve done and---”

     “And you thought you could just waltz in here and ask for forgiveness, hoping I’d give it to you, just like that?”

     “N-no, I---!”

     “It appears to me you haven’t grown much, if at all, in the twelve years I banished you. Oh, Venlithea, you’re still so selfish. Only thinking of yourself while the poor souls you left in the wake of your destruction continue to writhe in agony…”

     A hard lump formed in her throat as her eyes began to fill with tears. She knew this would happen, she should’ve expected this to happen. Why did she even bother trying to ask when she knew her voice didn’t matter? Maybe it was best for her to turn back now and forget about being forgiven…

     “Hey!” Ferreth barked. “How ‘bout you stop interrupting her and let her finish speaking?”

     Turning her eyes to him, Filaurel asked, “And who are you?”

     “The name’s Ferreth and I’d appreciate it if you’d let Ven finish talking before chiming in with your thoughts on the matter.”

     “Ven, hmm? A childish nickname for an immature Vlixeox.”

     “At least she’s acting more mature than you, Lady Filaurel.”

     She noticed one of her eyes twitching in annoyance. Ferreth, meanwhile, appeared to be trying to hide a smirk. He held nothing but contempt for the woman who made her life hell and she knew he’d make no attempt to conceal it. A small part of her secretly enjoyed seeing him rile her up.

     “It’s not as if she’s barred from speaking,” Filaurel said, her chin resting on her hands, “If she’d just get to her point quicker, I’d listen.”

     “Then let her say what she wants to say.”

     Giving him a look she hoped conveyed gratitude, she stepped forward. “I wish to atone for my crime. I’ll do anything to earn your forgiveness, my Lady.”

     “Anything?”

     “Yes, my Lady.”

     Filaurel fell silent as if to contemplate on her words. She bit her lip, wondering what to do if this failed. It was hard enough to push her fears down and come back to the place she regarded as hell. If she came all the way here only to be turned away on the first day, then there was no way she’d ever come back.

     Minutes passed and she had apparently reached a decision. “If I were to give you a task that is to be carried out in few days’ time, would you do it?”

     “Yes.” She answered quickly, eager to know what it was. “What would you have me do?”

     “There’s been rumors of a… formidable beast that’s been seen roaming around the marshlands near here as of late. I’m afraid it may possibly come here and hurt, or even kill, innocent lives, something I’m sure you’re well-versed in. If you manage to stop it, I’ll consider forgiving you.”

     Relief swept over her like a wave. It wasn’t a guaranteed outcome but a consideration was better than nothing. However, she didn’t dare let her guard down just yet.

     “You can trust in that I’ll take care of it as soon as possible,” she said, letting her know that she could be relied on.

     “Good.” She stood up and began walking off the dais. “You have four days.”

     “Four days?!” Ferreth exclaimed. “You don’t even know if this thing exists and yet you’re sending us to go kill it?! What sense does that make?!”

     “Be grateful I’m giving you that much time. If I wasn’t in a generous mood today, I’d send you out there tomorrow.”

     He muttered something under his breath she couldn’t catch. Knowing him, though, it was probably nothing pleasant. While she did appreciate him defending her on her behalf, he could be a little too outspoken sometimes.

     They made their way towards the exit. Four days was their time limit, which meant they couldn’t go a day past that. There were so many variables to account for, like how far the marshlands were and what they were going up against. A plan needed to be formulated before they took any sort of action.

     “Remember, Venlithea,” Filaurel said from behind them, “I’ll be watching over you to make sure you fulfill your duty. Otherwise, you can expect there to be… consequences.”

     A slam with the end of her cane caused her heart to seize up. Her skin broke out into goosebumps as she struggled to catch her breath. The implications of what she meant were endless. She could only hope that, if she were to fail, her punishment was anything other than a whipping.

     The sky was being overtaken with orange when they left town hall. People were closing up shop as parents ushered their kids home for the evening. She remembered wandering around the village till nighttime as a child. Yearning for a family she’d go home to every day, only to be filled with disappointment upon arriving there. It was easy to see why she was so jealous of the other children.

     “How you feeling, Ven?” Ferreth asked.

     “A little worse for wear but--” she tucked her hair inside her cloak to put her hood up-- “nothing I can’t handle.”

     “God, the nerve of that bitch. Did you hear what she said to you?”

     “She’s always done that, bringing up my wrongdoings to blackmail me with them. I’m used to it.”

     “That’s exactly why you should get mad at her! Tell her off! Say that she’s a complete bitch and that she can’t control you anymore!”

     “I don’t think I’d ever be able to do that. She still scares me, Ferret, and I’ve moved on from that.”

     How could she stand up to the person that terrified her? Filaurel was the leader of Thal Esari, the woman with the most authority in the village. She could easily order one of her guards to kill her if she did anything to rebel and no one would bat an eye. After all, she was a Vlixeox, a waste of space. As far as she was concerned, she would forever be a plaything of hers to control.

     Besides, she was right in that she moved on. She found people that cared about her, loved her, supported her. She even met three of the most important people in her life and wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. There was no need for confrontation because she was fine without it. With this one exception, she was ready to turn her back on this place once and for all.

     “Well, it’s a good thing that your good friend Ferreth--” he smiled mischievously and put an arm around her shoulders-- “can take a little bit of revenge for you.”

     “Ferret, what did you do?” she asked, dreading his answer.

     “Nothing much.” He turned her around to face the town hall and pointed at one of the pillars. “Look at where I’m pointing and you’ll see just what I did.”

     She had to squint her eyes in order to see it. On the pillar he pointed out was a large superficial crack in the marble paint. Several smaller cracks were spread out from the big one and appeared to wrap around the pillar. Paint had already flaked off alongside some of the cracks, revealing the hidden cement underneath.

     Her gasp quickly turned to laughter and she put her hands up to her mouth to try and hide it. “Ferret!”

     “Since Filaurel seems to love showing off how elite she thinks she is, I figured why not knock her down a peg?” His eyes seemed to glimmer with wickedness.

     “How? When?!”

     “I did it after we left and all I had to do was tap a claw against it and there went the marble. I did it to all the other pillars, too.”

     The other pillars were in the same state as she saw the first one in. She was trying her hardest to keep her laughter in. Whatever tension she had left from inside the town hall completely dissipated.

     “She’s going to be so mad,” she said, in-between laughs.

     “Eh, let her be pissed off.” He stood up straight. “Serves her right for being mean to you.”

     This was exactly what she needed after everything that happened earlier. Something that could get her mind off the fear and chaos running rampant inside. For the first time since their arrival today, she was happy.

     Stepping away, he said, “Okay, with that out of the way, we need to figure out where we’re staying. I doubt anyone’s gonna let a Vlixeox inside their establishment.”

     “I know a place a little ways from here.”

     So the pair started off towards the place she had in mind. At certain places within the village, she’d talk about the memories she had there. She wanted him to know more of her childhood, trusting him enough to know he’d listen.

     The marketplace she stole from to survive. The playground she’d always be excluded from if there were kids playing. The village square the masses would convene at to see her public punishments. The buildings full of people that gave her either fearful looks or cruel words. As much as she wished they didn’t exist, she remembered every single vile act they carried out against her. If she had any good memories of Thal Esari, she couldn’t recall them.

     They arrived at their destination and it was a mess. The stony exterior had become weathered with time, as shown by the moss growing on the walls. Overgrown vines on the windows made it impossible to see through to the other side. Nature took this place back from her, that much was clear. Even so, she felt the slightest tinge of comfort in knowing she was home.

     Time had taken an even greater toll inside. Some spots on the walls had paint flaked off while pictures hung crooked. Glass from broken window panes littered the floor below and white cloth covered most of the furniture. Specks of dust could be seen floating around in the air through what little sunlight was allowed in. Although everything was different, it also seemed to be the same as over a decade ago.

     Looking around, he said, “I don’t know, is this really the best place for us to stay? Seems a little… risky.”

     “It may not be… ideal but this was home for me.” She walked into what used to be the living room. “It’s probably the only place I feel safe in.”

     A piece of glass crackled under her feet. She crouched down to carefully pick it up, avoiding slices to her gloved fingers. It reflected her face back at her, making her realize it was part of a mirror. Smaller shards of glass laid below a broken mirror that sat in front of her, some pieces still inside the frame.

     Coming over to where she was, he said, “That a mirror? I wonder who broke it.”

     “I did.” She rubbed her thumb over the surface, cleaning off the dust. “I think it was because I was mad that I wasn’t normal. No matter what I did, it wouldn’t change the fact that I was a Vlixeox. Looking into it reminded me of everything I wasn’t so I broke it. I hated myself back then.”

     “Do you still hate yourself now?”

     What answer could she give, she wondered. Not once in her life had she ever liked herself and it remained true to this day. Would there come a time she’d actually like herself, or even love? Meeting Eric made her want to believe it was possible because he befriended her, regardless of her race. She still hated herself but her self-loathing had lightened since that day.

     “A little less than before.”

     With a warm smile, he put his hand on her head and said, “That’s good. It’s better than nothing.”

     Seeing his smile broke hers out as well. It was only a small change in how she felt about herself but it was enough to shift her perspective some. Maybe this epiphany finally set her on the path to acceptance, she imagined him to say.

     Later that night, they came up with a plan for tomorrow. With the distance between Thal Esari and the marshlands unknown, they decided to run reconnaissance. Once that was determined, they’d set off to kill their prey the next day. Hopefully, the marshlands were half a day’s travel. There’d only be so much stuff they could carry on their person, necessities and all.

     When the time came for sleep, he insisted on letting her have the bed. It was probably for the best, seeing how small it was. She remembered all the nights she spent crying herself to sleep or hiding from tormentors. Taking off her cloak and shaking her hair loose from her ponytail, she got under the covers.

     She was able to see the starry sky from outside her window. It was quiet as well, something she was all too familiar with. Curling her body up under the thin blanket, she braced herself for another restless night.