What We Deserve
asked anonymously: Could you do 24. "you deserve better" with John Murphy please?
warnings: minimal proofreading and bad editing :)
word count: 1276
To say John Murphy was coming to terms with the relationship the two of you shared was somewhat of an understatement. First he was angry about it, like most things in his life, and he lashed out because of said anger. Picking fights, saying rude things, doing everything in his power to cool that fire that burned in his chest every time he thought about you.
Your relationship started not long after the two of you made it to Earth, you being the caring person you are had checked on him after one of his petty little fights with one of the other delinquents. That one time turned into sneaking into his makeshift tent every night and having conversations until the sun came up.
Murphy is infatuated by you, completely and utterly smitten with every bit of you, not that he would ever admit it. He refuses to acknowledge the blush that takes over his cheeks whenever you're mentioned or the way his heart pounds a mile a minute when you're near.
You two became nearly inseparable even with his lack of commitment, he called it close friends, and you called that bullshit. You know you're not just friends, friends don't look at each other the way you look him and friends don't open up like he does when he's with you. And well, friends don't stop to make out in caves during hunting trips, which you admit is probably the most irresponsible thing the two of you could do, considering the grounders that are currently hiding out in the woods, but that never stops you two.
Although now, nothing is going to stop you, you're going to tell him about your feelings for him, you're going to tell him about how tender he makes your heart and how hazy he makes your mind by doing nothing but being around.
You make your way to his tent at your normal time, taking a second outside to get yourself ready, this could make or break your relationship with him, and honestly, you're nervous to lose him after everything you've been through.
But the nerves seem to fall away as you enter his tent, and you see him in all his glory, shirtless and already laying down, as if he was waiting for you. When he looks up at you his smile is like a sudden beam of sunlight even with it being pitch black outside.
"Hey," is all he says as he beckons you over to him, his arms held out to you. Your body easily molds to his as you lean into his chest. He was only ever like this when it's just the two of you and everyone else is asleep, and it makes you question what it would be like to really be his.
"What happened?" Your finger reaches up and lightly sweeps across his cheek that's adored by a purple and black bruise. But he's quick to brush you off with a shake of his head.
"Nothing, hunting trip gone wrong, don't worry about it," he doesn't seem very interested in talking about it, and you're not one to pry. "What're we talking about tonight?"
You fidget slightly where you're leaned against him and push yourself up into a sitting position, "I have something to tell you." You do your best to sound confident but the nerves are starting to come back to life.
Murphy nods as he falls back against the blanket he uses as a pillow and stares at you expectantly.
"Well you see, I've been wanting to tell you this for a while now," your heart is racing, "and I'm hoping you feel the same way," your cheeks are starting to heat up under this stare, "but I like you John Murphy, and I think I'm starting to fall for you."
He stays there for a second, contemplating his next move, he's never been in this situation before. Yeah, he's had relationships before, but nothing like this situationship, nothing as deep as falling.
He rolls over onto his other side, putting his back to you and essentially forcing you away from him, "I think you should leave Y/N." And your heart shatters.
-
The next few days are spent with nothing but your longing eyes being stuck on him as he walks around camp and his cold demeanor ignoring anyone and everyone. The nights are harder, no more conversations about your passions and connecting with him on a deeper level, not to mention the warm cuddles that would put you to sleep without fail.
Now you have plenty of sleepless nights that always seem to get colder as they progress, but maybe that's just the lack of his sunshine smile in your life that would warm you from the inside out.
One morning you're woken up to some commotion outside of your tent, and you're quick to make your way out there. You were considered one of the peace makers of the camp and what was happening right now does not sound like peace.
You find Murphy on the ground with his eyes closed and another boy walking backwards shaking his fist, as if he had just punched someone. Which by the look of Murphy's face, he was the one that got punched, and hard too.
The other boy looks ready to come back for seconds, and Murphy still hasn't stood up, he was in no condition to fight with a bloody lip and bruised eye. You're on the ground in a second, your hands finding his face, pressing along his cheekbones, checking for broken bones or fracturs, and he's groaning under your touch.
"Come on," you pull him up onto his feet and into the direction of your tent, where you quickly close the flap behind him as he takes a seat onto your makeshift bed. "What the hell Murphy, what was that all about?"
Murphy groans again and falls back onto the bed, his head landing softly against your pillows. "He's a dick." is all he says.
You roll your eyes and sit down next to him, "And you're not?" You're partly joking, everyone knows Murphy as the camps resident dickhead, you wouldn't be surprised if he thought you were serious.
"Why are you helping me?" he completely ignores your earlier comments.
"You know why," you counter.
He sits up, puts his head in his hands, and mumbles something into them. When you just stare at him instead of answering, he removes his hands and tries again. "I wish you didn't like me," he can tell his words hurt you by the look in your eyes and he does his best to do damage control, "you deserve better, don't you get it? You don't need me, but I need you. You're the only thing in this world that is worth being here for, you mean everything to me. Is that better?"
You're taken aback by his words, completely and utterly speechless as you try to fully take in what he just said. You never expected this from him, he wasn't one to admit his feelings or even say he was wrong, and now he's doing both. A smile starts to break out across your face as you fight back tears, this is everything you've wanted for the longest time and now you have it.
You take his face in your hands once again, minding the bruises that adorn his cheeks and lean forward. He seems to get the gist of it and leans in too, and when your lips connect, it's like fireworks exploding within you. And you know this is exactly where you're meant to be.
a/n: not a fan of the ending but really wanted to get this out as the request has been sitting in my inbox for a while. Anyway hope you like it nonnie!!
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[SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE 100]
has anyone else noticed that everyone lost their first "love" (quotation cause some of the following relationships had shitty development)
Abby lost Jake
Octavia lost Atom
Clarke and Raven lost Finn
Jasper lost Maya
Bellamy lost Gina
Lexa lost Costia (assuming she was her lover, don't remember if it was specified)
Luna lost Derrick (I think that was his name and assuming he was her first love for purposes)
Miller lost Bryan
Monty lost Harper
Jordan lost Priya
Gabriel lost Josephine
Echo lost Bellamy (or the real Echo, maybe. either way)
Everyone except Murphy (and well Jackson but eh). (okay technically she did die but he brought her so it doesn't really count) Like they fucked up his whole psyche, but they didn't take Emori. Why is he the only one who got any mercy?
Like they were merciless with everyone. Clarke lost all of her lovers in some way (Niylah betrayed her), both her parents, her best friend TWICE, and her daughter (not even to mention all the shit she went through to survive/save her people and all the hate she got for it, you don't gotta like the character just respect her ruthlessness). They made Bellamy a sheep (multiple times *cough* fucking Pike *cough*) and made his whole death pointless cause he was right and Madi gave herself up like immediately after (so fucking mad you don't even know). Raven lost her childhood best friend/lover after he cheated on her (her childhood for fucks sake), her leg, ALIE (that was bad in general but damn), had to stop her own heart to survive, and then Shaw. Jasper went through it before he took himself out. Monty was hated by his best friend (just the Mount Weather incident), forced to kill his mom twice, watched his best friend die, sent his son into danger, watched Harper die, and never saw anyone he loved again (hell, whether he died of old age or not is still up in the air, they never found a body). They threw sweet Jordan into a horror show by the scruff of his neck. Echo had a childhood for sure. Gabriel had lifetimes of fuckery. The fucking disservice to Lexa (and Lincoln) by having her be shot. Luna killed her own brother and lover then watched her entire clan die. Miller lost his dad and was in the bunker... Abby got her husband killed, the bunker, Kane, and then was just erased (POOF bye bitch👋 wtf). And Octavia (need I say more? I will tho). Raised under the floor, imprisoned for being born, mom dead, dad who?, Atom, Lincoln, Ilian, you are Wonkru or you are the enemy of Wonkru, cannibalism, watched her first kinda child die (Ethan), banished by her own brother, lost time with Hope, and lost Diyoza.
And Murphy went through it too. Like BADLY but he never had to live without Emori.
This post is nothing. I just think that's beautiful.
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I always want more than I have in my hand…
I decide.
I don’t cry. I burn, I dance with the flames. Mix my blues with the bright colors and the scarlet gems.
I entrance the sun and seduce the hell within you.
I paint new lifes, create different hues none of them have, both of them crave.
I’m the daughter of Mother Earth that nobody knew about
An arsonist? I decide.
Like an eternal fire I burn, until the gleam becomes blinding.
And i wonder if the ashes In my realm are the only way to extinguish the extreme of the damage I create ?
Only to remember that I decide.
i reach for the sun melt it into a stream.
My secret lover she knows I always want more than I have in my hand
My beloved dream, she’s far far away and she likes to think she knows better
Yet, she is wrapped around my little finger.
My only admirer
I decide.
•••
•Quotes: Eloisa Amezcua/ Harper Lee/ Venetta Octavia/ Richey Edwards/Adrienne Rich/James Joyce/Carolyn Forché/
•Original context: Sinligh
•Art reference:
1. "Pantomime No. 16" Denis Sarazhin. 2. Art by Denis Sarazhin. 3. Wildfire by Artem Chebokha. 4. I'll keep you warm by Alex Stoddard. 5. Art by ffoart 6. painting by Roberto Ferri, 1978
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