#this is the show that plays on repeat in my head

[yawnderu]

Pornstar!König's cock is a bitch breaker— that much you know by the way he's ramming every single inch of thick, veiny meat into your sopping cunt, his large hands digging on the supple skin of your waist in a bruising hold, his heavy balls slapping against your sensitive clit every time he manages to bury himself all the way in.

His blue eyes are fully focused on the screen displaying your face, the rhythm of his thrusts only getting rougher to drag more whiny moans out of your parted lips, exhaustion written all over your face at having to take his large dick on what was supposed to be a day off— only accepting a job after thousands of comments bombarding your media, begging you to collaborate with König. Perverts, you knew, yet you're more than happy to play into their fantasies.

One of the cameras pans to your face, fully capturing the alluring scene of your fucked-out state, beads of sweat dripping down your warm forehead, half-lidded eyes barely managing to stay open despite the way they're threatening to roll back with each deep thrust, and that famous smile that shows you crave his treatment. A trademark of sorts, something that made you end on the front pages of popular porn websites more than once, the very same thing that caught König's attention months ago.

“Harder.” A command you instantly regret the moment his hips falter, his brow scrunched up in mild disbelief, yet what is the behemoth of a man if not a people pleaser? König lets out a muffled chuckle, his warm hand trailing up to your chest, lazily rubbing your sensitive, pierced nipple with his thumb.

“Harder?” He repeats, his hips moving at an agonizingly slow pace, a smirk pulling on the corners of his lips beneath the mask the moment a whiny moan of protest is dragged out of your lips.

“Fuck yourself with my dick.” You can hear your own heartbeat pulsating on your ear, the rate steadily rising at his command. His breath hitches the moment you impale yourself onto his throbbing cock right after his words, his calloused hand giving your tit one last squeeze before moving back down to your waist, his large fingers digging onto the crevice of your warm skin, admiring the thin layer of sweat covering your body, the way your ass jiggles every single time you move on his dick.

His eyes darken with desire, his hands almost itching with the growing need to fuck into you, something he manages to ignore for mere seconds before thrusting back into you the moment you pull away, a sharp gasp leaving your lips at the way his bulbous head hits your sensitive cervix over and over, his wide hips slamming against yours, filling the room with a lewd melody of skin slapping against skin and combined moans desperate for release.

König doesn't hold back, his thrusts deep and powerful as your fingers grip the bedsheets, trying to find a way to release the overwhelming sensations. He can feel your body trembling beneath him, the sound of your whiny whimpers only serving to heighten his own arousal, shooting one of the cameras a look that drips pure arrogance— his movements becoming more urgent and demanding.

One of the screens displays the way your eyes roll back in ecstasy as your walls tighten around his thick cock, a sense of satisfaction and pride filling him as you cum, only then allowing himself to succumb to his release, his cock throbbing inside you as ropes of hot white cum shoot right into your womb, a loud groan leaving his lips.

Despite how rough he likes to fuck, König pulls out of you, his softening cock coated with your slick and his own cum as your body falls on the bed, utterly exhausted. You can feel his large arms wrapping around you from behind, the sound of fabric rustling filling your ears as you feel his warm lips press a soft kiss to your temple, whispers of praise that have never come out of his lips slip out with so much easiness that it almost surprises him.

>Author's note: I opened commissions as I'm in need of an emergency dental surgery. Any likes, reblogs and shares on the post are greatly appreciated!! ;; 💗

[her-favorite]

QUIET; M. STURNIOLO

MATT STURNIOLO X F!READER

warnings: this is honestly my second time writing head-cannon thingies (and ive literally been writing since like 2020 😭) so i apologize if they’re not too good!

a/n: there’s a bunch of talkative!reader fics on here, so i thought i’d be a little self-indulgent and write something for the quiet matt girls 🫶🏻

SYNOPSIS: Matt with a quiet girlfriend <3

-

Matt Finds Comfort in Your Silence

- being out in public together, it was easy to get overwhelmed by groups of people. Matt tends to reach out for you and grabs your hand, for both of your benefits. Keeping you by him made both of you more comfortable, as you’re closer to each other and can stay by the other.

- Staying with you when you go quiet is comforting to Matt. He doesn’t grow overwhelmed by any loud noises or unnecessary sounds, his once tense body relaxing in the safe silence.

Speaking Through Silence is Easier

- whenever you get anxious, it’s easier to keep your mouth shut as to not draw attention to yourself. That being said, Matt always has an eye on you no matter the occasion. Being your boyfriend, he’s grown accustomed to your body language, noticing the way you fidget and when you get too overwhelmed by something. Some times communicating with each other through silence is easier, especially in public. As soon as Matt notices your anxiety rising, he’ll take your hand, say something quick to his brothers and bring you to an isolated area with him.

Matt Loves Knowing You’re Listening to Him

- if Matt ever goes on a random tangent, he loves that he doesn’t have to repeat himself several times just to get your attention. No disrespect to his brothers, but Matt enjoys not having to be loud to get you to listen. Listening comes naturally to you, given your more reserved nature, and it makes Matt feel appreciated knowing that you’ll always be there to listen and make him feel better when he’s anxious.

Being Alone with You Feels Safe

- lying in his room together, he loves the feeling of you with him. With the sounds of his ceiling fan and, maybe, his tv playing, he adores the physical intimacy of the situation, of you lying on him and relaxing. Occasional words are exchanged, but Matt likes to keep his voice down, just so he doesn’t bother you. In that moment, he feels like he could do anything or say anything and you’d still stay by him; the safeness he feels with you is comforting.

He Loves Having you Close to Him

- not being too chatty, it’s easier to physically gravitate towards Matt. He handles you with open arms, never turning down the opportunity to hold you. The feeling of you in his arms, whether you’re watching a show on their couch or in his bed, his body immediately relaxes with your touch. Matt could be having an extremely overwhelming day, but as soon as he comes home and sees you, all he needs to calm down is to be in your arms.

He Doesn’t Feel Pressured

- being similar in a verbal way, Matt never feels forced to talk when he’s around you. He knows that if he doesn’t feel like talking, he doesn’t have to; you taught him that it was okay. Hanging out with you was comfortable, a nice quiet that wasn’t awkward or bad, but one you both peacefully sunk into.

Matt Loves Hearing More About You

- being reserved, it took a little bit to get you to reveal more about yourself to Matt. He was patient with you, waiting for the right time you felt comfortable and paying attention to every word you say. Being a patient person, especially with you, he wasn’t bothered by the private things you kept to yourself in the beginning of your relationship. He understood the way you felt and let you take all the time you needed, enjoying hearing all the stories you revealed to him once you felt comfortable.

He Loves Your Relationship with his Brothers

- given, Nick and Chris are loud, talkative people, almost the entire opposite of you. But you loved them all the same. With their blathering nature, you find comfort in it, silently knowing that you don’t have to put on some performance because they somehow always have something to talk about.

- even with Chris’ periodic teasing, you’ve grown used to their random sentences, learning to love them more as days go by. Matt’s brothers liked the idea of him dating someone that was near the same page as him, whether you were closer or farther away from his situation, because he won’t feel alone in his problems and the way he feels. Besides, Nick loves gossiping about random guys to you and Chris loves making you listen to whatever new music he finds because they know you love listening to their random shit.

But He Also Loves Listening to you Ramble

- on days where you have more energy and feel your best, it’s easy to say whatever will come to your mind. And Matt loves it. Whenever those days do come, constant giggles are heard from your boyfriend as he enjoys the stupid things that leave your mouth.

No Matter the Day, loud or quiet, lazy or energetic, Matt loves you all the same.

[mysticheathenn]

What Are You Currently Manifesting?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is all about what you are manifesting in your life right now. I felt called to do this reading, hopefully, this reading gives you some sort of guidance and hope.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

MasterList

Patreon Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

What are you currently manifesting? Tarot: 5 of Pentacles (reversed), 6 of Swords, Page of Pentacles, 2 of Cups, 6 of Cups, The Hermit.

You are currently manifesting releasing the old and bringing in new energy, specifically relationships and possible friendships but with the 2 of cups..this reading feels more about romance. This pile may be used to attracting the wrong kinds of people who want to do nothing but use and waste your time and you have reached the stage in your life where you are tired of this kind of energy constantly reappearing in your life. You are wanting new energy. The song Angel Numbers by Chris Brown is playing in my head on repeat "Healing energy on me, Baby, all I really need's one thing, Healing energy on me." You are looking for a healing connection that will help you in replacing your current feelings and past memories about love or for some of you people in general. You want nothing but love and light coming in towards you and if it isn't that you don't want it. You have finally seen the light that you are deserving of a good love, a healing love that will help you grow as a person and mend your heart. Currently, you may be in isolation or have been thinking about going into isolation. I think this is the best option for you right now pile l. Going into isolation will help ground you in a sense of knowing exactly what you want in your next relationship and not settling for less no matter what. Some of you may currently either be celibate or thinking about celibacy.

Extra Messages: Sacred Destiny Oracle: Openness, Purity, Solitude, Enlightenment, Going Forward, Focus.

I love it when Spirit highly aligns the reading with oracle cards. Seeing the purity card as well as focus, and solitude confirms my message. Some of you are thinking of going celibate if not if you decide to do so it will bring more focus, clarity, and discernment in your life regarding how you treat yourself and what you will allow from others. With the openness and going forward card you are moving forward on this new journey and there is no going back. Be open to the experience that this new solitude will bring you. When you feel alone or lonely speak to your guides and remember why you are going through this period of your life right now.

Pile ll:

What are you currently manifesting? Tarot 3 of Wands, 6 of Wands, 9 of Cups, The Star, Queen of Cups, The Chariot

A lot of wands and cup energy pile ll. Right now you are currently manifesting showing up as your highest self. If not your highest self you want to show up as your best self where you are thriving, succeeding, receiving recognition, and living an abundant life. I feel that some of you have been in your masculine energy for so long that you are dying to walk in your feminine energy where you are receiving amazing blessings, awards, money, and just everything you have been crying, praying, and doing spells for. Weirdly enough Part of Your World by the Little Mermaid is playing in my head. It's the part where she sings.

"Up where they walk, up where they run Up where they stay all day in the sun Wanderin' free, wish I could be Part of that world"

You want to experience life the way others you have been following on your social media page are living. Some of you might want to be content creators, wanting to work from home where you can travel and work from anywhere, or even just being a stay-at-home girlfriend/boyfriend or parent. Either way, you want to bring in this happiness, luxury, abundant lifestyle for yourself.

Extra Messages: Energy Oracle Cards: Angel of Strength, Man Holding a Heart, Door to Romance, Adjacent Possibilities, Cornucopia, Fourth Chakra - Archangel Raphael.

Seeing the Man holding the heart and Door to romance confirms that some of you want to be a spoiled girlfriend/boyfriend or just a stay-at-home parent. For others of you, this is just confirmation that love is coming in for you in general. With the Cornucopia card and adjacent possibilities, it's just saying that you have many ways that you will be abundant in your life and it won't be just financially. It can be abundant of people who care and love you, abundant of food, money, travel, and job opportunities. Whatever it is you want more of, you got it.

Pile lll:

What are you currently manifesting? Tarot: 9 of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Hang Man, The Wheel, 10 of Swords.

You are manifesting the end of your current story and walking into a new journey, direction, business opportunity, etc. Either way, you are wanting the cycle that has been repeating in your life for quite some time now to end so you can bring in happiness and passion to your life. Some of you may even feel that your life has been at a standstill where nothing is happening or maybe even live in a small town where you want more to your life and want to venture out into the unknown, don't worry your manifestations are being heard loud and clear for you to walk into this new path. Some of you may be looking for more passion or trying to find your passions in this current part of your life and you're wondering if any of this will lead to somewhere or at least be beneficial to your mental health. Your pile is a little shorter than the rest because your cards are straight to the chase of you wanting a new journey, story, etc in your life. Your old story is ending or whatever it is that you are wanting to end in your life and amazing things will begin to appear in your life. I also feel this reading is a bit short because there will be so many of you that resonate with this pile that spirit can't relay every single things because that would be bonkers.

Extra Messages: Energy Oracle Card: Man holding a coin, Man holding a heart, Door to Personal healing and happiness, Storm warning, Blossoming Abundance.

Definitely, someone new is coming in for you whether this is for business/career opportunities or romantic, someone new is coming in. But over all abundance, healing, and happiness are in this cards for you and all that you are manifesting. Storm Warning can go two ways for some of you, you have a bit of turbulence coming in to shack up your. life to bring in this new beginning and for others of you this is saying your storm is finally ending.

Pile lV:

What are you currently manifesting? Tarot: The Fool, Death, Justice, Page of Wands, Temperance, Awakening, 4 of Pentacles.

You may somewhat have been drawn to pile ll but not so much as this reading is all about you getting back to the self and not so much of already at the stage of showing up as your highest self. You want to get your life back on track with a schedule, better eating habits, doing rituals, or connecting with your spirituality or religion, either way, you are manifesting balance and going back to the basics. It's as if a lightbulb had switched on in your head randomly where you kept telling yourself something needs to change and you are starting with yourself and then changing things on the external front. Some of you may want to pamper yourself more or cut back on excessive spending. This kind of feels like an ego death for a lot of you where you lose yourself a bit in order to come back home to who you truly are. Living your life in accordance with what you need and want right now. Some of you are releasing the past and letting life handle your past woes and sorrows. You are now longer entertaining the pity me, people did me wrong mentality but excepting that life happens and sometimes people are dicks. Yeah, some of you are going through a spiritual awakening and ego death finding yourself again. You are probably figuring out now in your life what is it that you want from not only yourself, but from others, and what life has to offer you. This is going to be a long but rewarding journey for you pile lV. e prepared for the highs and lows that come along with coming back to the self, finding your highest self, or becoming your best version. Stick to it, develop discipline, and everything will work out. You will benefit so much from this, you won't even recognize who you are within a year.

Extra Messages: Going Forward, Protection, Solitude, Enlightenment, Flow, Simplicity, Taking Risks.

I'm starting to feel anxious, some of you may be feeling anxious about all of this because it's overwhelming and something new that you are trying to take and you are hoping for all the best to go well. Go with the flow and listen to your intuition. Don't second guess it, sit down and meditate or go for a walk out in nature to listen to what your gut and highest self is trying to relay to you on your next steps. You are being protected during this time of refuge and solitude. Do not worry about leading yourself down the wrong path, you are protected and will always find your way back to where you need to be and you are being led away from anything that can be harmful or misleading on your journey.

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay safe and be blessed

Next Reading: Romance Related (Patreon, may upload later today or sometime before Monday)

[subformuscularalpha]

"Finally you are home. Come here, habibi" Amir met me as I got home after a long day at university.

"I'm tired", I looked at him with a begging look.

"Oh, boy, it's bad. But I think you should have already learnt that my need come first", he looked at me with a serious face. "Get down", he said in a calm but commanding tone.

I threw my backpack on the chair and got down on my knees between Amir's massive thighs.

"That's my obedient boy", he put his naked feet on the table, "Give them a nice massage".

His size 13 feet were huge and covered with some hairs on the upper side and on the toes. I put my hands on one of them and started caressing it.

"Mmm, I love how eager you are to submit to me. You like you place, don't you?"

"I do, my sayyid" I replied looking him into the eyes but without stopping the movements of my hands.

"Good", he smiled and leaned back, while I continued the massage.

I thoughtfully massages each inch of his huge sole and then up to his ancles. It was so humiliating but at the same time it was also a possibility for me to enjoy his body and to show him my respect.

After I repeated the same procedure with his other foot, Amir leaned to me and patted me on the cheek, "Good boy. Now, stand up and strip completely for me”.

I didnas ordered and in a bare moment I was standing naked in front of Amir. Every inch of my soft body was on display for him. All vulnerable and waiting with anticipation of what was about to follow.

“Much better now”, he smirked, “Get here, boy”.

I approached him and climbed on his thighs. With legs spread wide around his waist I sat on his laps, facing him. The head of his growing shaft rubbed through the fabric of his shorts against my exposed hole.

Amir grabbed my head from behind and pulled me into a deep passionate kiss. He reached down teasingly trailing his fingers along my torso. His large hands grabbed my butt cheeks and squeezed them. Then his finger pressed against my entrance, sending a stroke of sensation through my body.

I pulled up Amir's t-shirt to get a hold of his warm firm body. I run my fingers over the edges of his hairy abs. Then I slid my hands up to his massive chest. Amir flexed his pecs and then broke our kiss. Just for a moment to pull off his t-shirt and throw it away. Then he got back to kissing me even with more passion.

My petite body was now pressed against Amir's muscular one. His body hair was scratching against my smooth skin. At the same time my master's thick finger was playing with my ass.

I moved my hands up and tried to put them around Amir's broad back. He was too big. My hands couldn't even reach each other around him.

Every part of Amir's body was huge. Even his fingers. They were long and thick. For comparison, his little finger was the size of my middle and even thicker. Each movement of it inside of my ass ignited fire inside of me, making my small dicklet harder. I was close to cum and Amir knew that. He broke the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes, sending an unspoken message of dominance.

"Hold it, boy. You should learn to control your desires", he continued fingering my hole, teasing that spot deep inside of me.

I moaned and bit my lower lip, "I try... but I can't". I pressed myself closer to Amir's firm body and my cock rubbed against his hairy abs. At the same time the thick finger inside of my ass hit that spot again and I lost control over myself. "I'm sorry..." My dicklet throbbed and spilled a few loads of cum on Amir's torso.

Amir just chuckled, "No need to be sorry, habibi. That little accident only shows how much control I have over you. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't be punished. Right, boy?"

"Yes, Sir", I replied and lowered my head to his abs, already knowing what I have to do. After licking his stomach clean I looked up at him like a dog who brought a stick to his master and is waiting for the next command.

"Good. But you know, it's not all"

I nodded, "I know, Sir. I deserve a real punishment" I lay down on his lap with my ass posed up to him, right in between his thighs.

"I hate to do it because it takes so much time", he gave me a slap, "But you know it's for yours own good, right?" he slapped me again.

"Yes..." I replied.

He continued spanking my ass. His smacks were firm and powerful. They made my whole body flinch. Each slap hurt more than the previous one and they came one directly after another without letting my skin cool down.

[waitmyturtles]

Unknown: The Final Episodes (Episodes 10, 11, and 12)

(*CAVEAT!!!!* I wrote this screed before the producers of Unknown cut a different version of episode 11. I have only watched the first version, the version that the Taiwanese BL gods had originally intended us to watch, hmph. My commentary below only reflects my thoughts on this first version. I'm gonna allow myself to be old and crabby and say, "BAH! We didn't revise episodes back in *mah* day!" to excuse myself from watching it and I'm an old mom, I have no fuckin' time to watch a revise, so so sorry fam lmaooo ok byeeeee)

So -- I'll repeat what I think a lot of us have thought about the final arcs of Unknown, and where I could have used more of the delicate, thoughtful exploration about family roles and boundaries that the first nine episodes of this show displayed. These are the elements that drew me to the show, as well as Yuan's general spiciness and empathic intelligence towards Qian.

Anyone who reads around here knows that themes that I'm driven by include Asian intergenerational trauma and Asian family systems and dynamics. This show (here, here, and my tag) -- oh lordo, this show tackled expected, internalized, and externalized roles and responsibilities within families head-the-fuck-on, at least for the first nine episodes.

Let me state the obvious first: this show veered off the highway a bit too early to demonstrate that, WOW, Qian really is the

HORNIEST MAN ALIVE, WOW, EVER --

(dang dude, you really needed to get down EARLIER and MORE OFTEN, because that IN-OFFICE AFTERGLOW, MY MAN, like, listen, I'm down for the post-nut vibes! all support and celebration and respect, but also, we need to delegate these tasks, we're on the clock, you are a co-owner of this company, back to work! chop-chop)

and MAN, could I have used a quick wave of a flag or hand that his deficit for love, care, and tenderness would hit at THAT SPECIFIC angle (HEH HEH) so very quickly and VERY INTENSELY at the start of episode 11. That took me out. I had to just scream at @lurkingshan. I watched that episode IN PUBLIC, PEOPLE!

We were missing some steps there. It was a FABULOUS actual love scene. But I could have used more of

1) Yuan contemplating the reality of what was going to go down BEFORE that scene began, and

2) To see Qian enter that moment as well. Instead, we hit the sheets, and had to process that very intense scene WITH flashbacks, which, whew, was a whole thing, all while I was just kinda literally screaming.

Those flashbacks were supposed to tell me that Qian had come to terms with Yuan's lifelong longing, but the down-dirty confirmed that for me before I was ready to get to the same mindset that Qian had started that scene with. The very important timing and pacing of the emotional exploration and reveals that we had been presented with in the previous episodes was jettisoned for the booty.

So, yeah. That was out of order.

What I also missed in these episodes was, as I stated earlier, the previous and very intentional exploration of family roles and boundaries that this show was playing with prior to the last three episodes.

With this emotional line concluding in episode 10, Qian showed us consistently that his struggle with negotiating his older-brother-and-fatherly responsibilities was his biggest burden, alongside the lifelong processing of the abuse he had received at the hands of his mother, and his further processing of her death.

Qian and Yuan get together in episode 11, literally go out on a date, and Qian woos Yuan.

Qian's continued resistance to being open about his health to Yuan is extremely reminiscent of a parent (I think of Asian parents, but I think this is common to global parenthood) hiding a health status from a child. This part of the story was still an important one. Qian was STILL holding onto his understanding of his responsibilities to Yuan and Lili as a parent/older sibling figure. If he didn't get out of that surgery in perfect condition, he worried about their futures -- regardless of the facts that Yuan was self-sufficient, and Lili was both self-sufficient and supported by a loving partner. Because that's how so many parents are: no matter the stability of their children, parents will see children as their children.

What I liked about this storyline, and what I could have used a bit more of (ideally in an extra episode) WAS HOW YUAN'S FAMILY ROLE CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY BY BECOMING QIAN'S PARTNER.

Lili calls Yuan a "sister-in-law," but he also becomes a

brother-in-law, AND a stepdad, AND THEN ALSO BECOMES A VERY NOT TECHNICAL GRANDPA, ALONG WITH GRANDPA/UNCLE/OLDER BROTHER QIAN

AND, AND!

We see Yuan THEN CARING FOR QIAN as the younger brother he's always been, AND

AS QIAN'S PARTNER

which they're calling wife or sister-in-law in the show, which, bleh to gendered terms, but

THEY WERE GOING THERE WITH YUAN

but we didn't get enough of it.

THAT IS A HUGE CHANGE FOR YUAN.

HE IS EQUAL NOW!

We just didn't get enough exploration there. Because the show was centering Qian's narrative (which I don't blame the show for at all), and mans was in his post-boop vibe the whole time, that we didn't sit enough with the changing of these roles FOR THESE TWO MEN, and while Lili hinted at it, I would have liked just a few more minutes at the macro-high level to explore what this meant for this entire, wonderful family unit. This is just huge Asian family dynamics stuff regarding who has power, and how that impacts how Qian interacts with Yuan, how Qian has to internally process the growth of his "child," as it were, to be LITERALLY EQUAL to him as his partner; and also for Lili to contemplate as she regards Yuan now as someone partnered with her caretaker. Yuan now would kind of step into that role, as well. THAT'S HUGE for dynamics changing and rebuilding.

Let's also remember that San Peng transcends these boundaries, too, but it's a bit easier for him, because he hasn't lived in that house. But he's the family's benefactor, in a way, which both Yuan and Lili acknowledge. And his turning into a partner into the family is also a significant boundary-crossing.

Finally, Qian's concern for Lili. Yes, he was concerned for her career. He didn't want Lili to turn out like his mom.

I would have liked to have proof in that concern, literally. I say this as a mom.

Qian was missing something big. Lili's baby was going to be born into a nice big family unit that Qian was the creator and anchor of.

At least they had Qian and Yuan sitting on baby toys to end the series. Lili, truly, had nothing to worry about. The gay uncle-grandpas were going to be there to help raise the baby, because as an Asian viewer, I am going to assume the extended family's participation

(NOT ASSISTANCE! ACTIVE PARTICIPATION!)

in the raising of that child.

I'm not sure why Qian missed that, except for the very real reason of familial PTSD and intergenerational trauma from his mother. But San Peng was right there as Lili's partner and as the actual dad. And Qian was valid to have a concern. But that could have been a moment where Yuan, also, as a new equal "elder" of this newly readjusted family, could have reassured everyone that this baby was going to be born in a wonderful, close-knit, loving extended family.

These readjusted roles were not fully named and explored. If I were Lili, I know I'd be having that baby in the good hands of all of the men around me that would help me raise the kiddo in a happy and supportive environment.

One more point about the baby. We need more babies in BLs. We need to show men becoming fathers, people becoming parents. This is a right that all people have. We need more of it to emphasize that all people are deserving of the families that they want to create -- and truly, it was so BEAUTIFULLY SYMBOLIC that Qian would be such a good caretaker as to be blessed with further generations, because he literally cared so well for Yuan and Lili that they could bless him back with growing the family he tended to. We just didn't get enough sitting with that.

Finally! TF was up with that office vibe in the end. The tops, the bottoms, the public kissing. That we got that instead of the role explorations -- k, but the tone of all that was a little off, if it was meant to be comedic. And yes, I definitely took away that I was meant to ship Dr. Lin and Le Ge. I have NO IDEA why they were talking otherwise. Doc and Don are meant to, ya know, YA KNOW? Right? Ummm, lol.

All of this together is enough to put a touch of a damper on my memories of this show. I didn't end with a high.

But I ABSOLUTELY LOVED what this show accomplished through the first 10 episodes. All these complicated, delicious boundaries and roles and responsibilities being explored! It's a joy, as an Asian, to watch this being explored in a queer Asian show.

We ended on some tropey bumps, but I'm going to remember this show overall with fondness, and I'm ultimately very happy that this was my first Taiwanese BL. I can't wait to catch up in this space more in due time.

[the-witch-of-woods-beyond]

okay but the 100 could have been so epic if s3 had covered that three month span after s2 and actually expanded on grounder culture and shown how arkadia formed - and then every so often it would cut to jaha doing stuff for alie, murphy trapped in his bunker and clarke just stalking through the woods, slowly losing it - and it could end with that rover scene because we deserved one season that ended on a happy note.

but THENNN an entire season could have also been spent on the six year time jump - which would give the characters much more time to develop and show how they all bonded together. imagine if we had a whole season to show clarke and madi growing close, to show clarke slowly adjust to how different everything is now and get used to being apart of a happy little family. imagine if we had a whole season to see octavia become blodreina, to watch each decision take its toll on her and see her go more and more dark until she makes a choice she doesn’t think she can come back from. imagine seeing spacekru adjust to being at peace for the first time ever, imagine them being a bunch of idiots doing random shit for fun because they have the time and the freedom for once.

[strayklds]

for @lee-minhoe / credit

[ganondoodle]

as i was awake in the middle of the night for like 2 hours bc i felt sick i had more somewhat random totk thoughts

one being that i really hate how raurus response to concerned zelda is, after sonia died in that almost funny how little impactful it was way, "im sure you are here for a reason" (actually, i hate how often this sentence is used in general to .. idk i guess its supposed to be inspiritational???)

bc what does that mean actually? him saying that to someone who got there absolutely by accident really just sounds like "i dont care go figure it out yourself bc i dont want to think about anything concerning you or your troubles lol" i guess its meant to sound like OOOOH fate has BROUGHT you here bc you have to furfill a role you dont know yet (spoiler its being a sacrifice girl with no personality) and besides me hating the 'inescapable fate' trope in general (at least the way its usually done in these games, which is not to struggle against it but willingly accept whatever you are told and pretend thats good) its really jsut goddamn boring and is really only an excuse to well .. ignore her and her trouble; shouldnt you, if you were actually such a cool guy like the game wants me to believe so bad, do everything in your power to get zelda back to her own world before shes pulled even further into the war you caused now that her only ""mentor"" that could help her get more use of her pretty much useless sudden powers is gone too?? i know shes basically dead wife sonia replacement (can of worms ugh) but it still grinds my gears whenever i think of that cutscene, bc i cant help but hear it as the lamest excuse in existence to not care about her and just kinda .. see what happens which in this case means leave zelda completely on her her own since both rauru and mineru die as well (honestly shouldnt rauru have thought about like .. any plan to defeat gan besides dying himself, given hes the oh so cool and goodest guy king whos only mistake was not stabbing gan the second he stepped into their kathedral castle thing, like even if you had a plan it can still fail but it seemed like he just kinda went in with a handful of people that didnt seem to know each other at all, never got names or faces -or unique voices for that matter- to fight gan face to face inlcuding the girl that came from a different time and had nothing to do with any of this conflict and couldnt even really control her sudden new powers just seems pretty stupid)

thought 2

how totk really feels like botw but for the people who didnt like shiekah tech, its not a sequel, its botw again, but version of only sonau, its like a pokemon game that had two versions but one has weirdly incoherent story and acts like the other never existed jsut as a whole its like retreading the same points but worse, all shiekah tech that was so integral to the world and had such a long history just vanishing and no one caring about any of it like it never happened, HELL the titans were called divine beasts in english but i guess they werent divine or important enough to keep around LOL champions WHO and isntead a never before seen or even heard of race for that matter showing up and planting their ass in every place the shiekah were before, dare i say it feels weirdly manipulative, like either them or some outside force erasing every fact about the ancient shiekah and replace them with sonau stuff bc they are the hot new shit now

this is a point that just doesnt stop bothering me, how the shiekah tech seemed so carefully designed and integrated into botws world and story, its a difficult to keep balance after all, integrating high tech stuff into a medieval setting, but they made it work! and then totk comes around and throws a bunch modern day tech into it puts some vague greenish stone filter on its exterior and call that even better more ancient tech; why did they even bother to make pottery inspired laser shooting spider legged robots so well integrated when they throw a car and rockets into the next game without a thought and call it a day, what was the fucking point

it feels like someone was dead set on having a set of legos thrown into the game it had no place in, if you want players to build whatever they want make a building game instead!! especially if you are just gonna throw it in with seemingly no consideration how out of place it feels togehter with the fACT THAT YOU ALREADY HAD AND ANCIENT HIGH TECH CIVILIZATION WITH A VERY DISTINCT AESTHETIC THAT WAS ALREADY WELL INTEGRATED INTO THE WORLD YOU ARE PLANNING TO REUSE WITH ALOT OF MYSTERY AND UNKOWN STUFF ABOUT THEM TO EXPLORE FURTHER YOU COULD HAVE USED!! but i guess they just "didnt want to play with you anymore" and that so much so that they went out of their way to erase every trace of it, i dont think the words shiekah tech are ever used in the game, and the purah pad and her towers just drive me more isnane bc they are the same shit but called different and also much worse, liek the purah pad isnt some more developed shiekah stone, no its a glorified camera with a teleport function and thats it

(i know i said this before but i really cant stand how obsessed every single NPC is with sonau shit, you get told to your face every second line of dialog that they are so cool and are so mysterious that it just makes me annoyed of them even more, the game is obsessed with shoving them everywhere and telling you over and over you too should obsess over them, they werent weird like that about the shiekah stuff in botw?? the biggesst talking point in botw was calamity ganon ..... which makes sense and in totk its like ... gan is mentioned what, in a newspaper article??? once???and then not even by name i think???)

aside from that big point which will never let me go, its also just .. its not moving forward anything, it actively walks BACK the progress that was made in botw, call me dumb but i dont really count moving one step up in the social roles of each race as a character development (for the side characters like the champions desc- ahem SAGES) but mainly zelda ... god how dirty she was done, totk pretty explicitely makes her regress any development she made in botw aside from she likes link uwu and some people like her too, but also not enough to notice that that weird zelda being all evil and weird isnt her (INLCUDING THE CHAMP- SAGES WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSEDLY FRIENDS WITH??? you dont have to be a genius to pick up on that my god, were you all given the mc dumbo potion or what)

she gets put back to square one, back into the little itty bitty princessy maiden role forced upon her by her royal parentage, this time rauru edition, back into a white little dress, back into the scared puppy eyed teenager, back into a situation she cant handle, back into losing everyone around her (tho honestly botw made me care more about rhoam than totk did about rauru), back into being forced to do a big sacrifice- but worse actually

in botw she went to FIGHT AND HOLD GANON IN THE CASTLE SO LINK HAD TIME TO RECOVER AND IT WOULDNT DESTROY THE LAND!! and you are telling me in totk rauru takes up her botw role and she bascially killed herself to ... restore the mastersword.

......... she ... she did that only to be a glorified version of the stone pedestal in the forest. and then she gets returned to normal itty bitty girly no problem via magic sparkle beam at the end and

DOESNT

EVEN

REMEMBER.

it really is just botw but worse, you even get yet another ghost king of hyrule to guide you around (rhoam did it better fight me ... we dont talk about the questionable choice to make himself darker skinned when posing as just some guy)

i honestly dont think i was ever truly taken aback by anythign that happened in botw, while in totk, the further i played, the more i had to fight with myself to keep the feeling of unease, disappointment and betrayal down

its such a god damn shame, totk should have stayed a DLC, i will forever mournfully dream of a game that explores more of the ancient shiekah, doesnt erase integral parts of the world, developes characters more instead of making them regress back and make them end up even less developed than at the start of the game, dives into buried secrets and mistakes of dark pages of history without giving into a weirldy nationalist(imperalisitc?) narrative and lets characters have some agency for once

if it werent for the yiga i might have actually considered refunding the game, just to be at peace with myself

anyway, aboslutely incoherent word vomit.

[lesbianmaxevans]

Femme Fatale (2002)

[kingdom-dance]

Oh, and these colors fade for you only Hold me, carry me slowly, my sunlight x

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Ethan's Diary

February 6th, 2021 Mia and I had another fight. I accidentally mentioned what happened there three years ago and she blew up at me. We finally settled down in our new life in Europe and can bring Rose up properly. But... I still feel like a part of me is trapped in that hell hole back in Louisiana.

I know Mia doesn't like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn't happen? Shouldn't we face what happened there so we can live our lives with Rose without it hanging over our heads? We owe her that much at least... I know Mia knows this too. She wouldn't have exploded like that at the hospital if she didn't care.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

emphasis mine: Mia feels a tremendous level of guilt for a) joining the connections b) starting with Evie at what ever point she did c) letting Evie get away whilst getting Alan away from when the incident took place d) trying to keep Ethan away but failing i have already said why the message wouldn't have fucking gone through and that is because storm and evie made her lose a door idk what to tell you e) Ethan gets hurt by her first of all under the influence of Evie

Mia in the bakers incident report (obligitory it should have been part of basic game and it should have had a moment of BSAA confirming they got all information about the connections she could give them) says she wants "to forget everything"

its normal to shy away from something painful, she spent 3 years in padded cell thinking of everything (when not in Evie La La Land). there is also a element of how her mold infection affected her after being treated by the BSAA. I got asked by @mushroomwithsomeink some time ago if Mia has abanonment issues and to an extent she does (the answer was not very good). Mia was part of a hive mind for years she knew where Jack was and was probably aware of everything else happening around her (all because of her not being able to convince Evie to stop or have the guts to break out the murder kit). The thought that the BSAA apparently let them live but without setting them up with therapists? (though the BSAA are the same people who let Chris still recovering from amnesia and binge drinking into the field- also plugging the fanfic catch me floating circles in fish bowl)

random thing as I was tying "forget everything" I had a thought about Riley Flynn from Midnight Mass (and ended up looking for quotes from the show and interesting ones will be under the read more- give them a look and see why i thought of Mia when i reread these)

Both Mia and Ethan have CPTSD I have no real thoughts what i shared is honestly explanation enough

from the NHS website

Complex PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder

You may have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if you have some of the symptoms of PTSD, and also have problems with managing your emotions and having relationships.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

The symptoms of complex PTSD are similar to symptoms of PTSD, but may also include:

feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt

problems controlling your emotions

finding it hard to feel connected with other people

relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners

Causes of complex PTSD

Complex PTSD may be caused by experiencing recurring or long-term traumatic events, for example:

childhood abuse or neglect; domestic violence; sexual abuse

torture, sex trafficking, or slavery; war

You may also be more likely to develop complex PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age

you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted

you were unable to escape the trauma

treatment for PTSD and CPTSD is hard and when the other person your primary support is also dealing with it? that is even worse honestly there is a thing called secondary trauma

from mind: 'Secondary' means that although the original (primary) trauma happened to someone else, the impact it's having in your life is traumatic for you. It doesn't mean it's any less significant than any other kind of PTSD, or any easier to deal with. Our page for friends and family has some tips on looking after yourself.

both Mia and Ethan are dealing with the primary trauma from the baker estates and secondary trauma from each other

from PTSD UK

"Anyone who cares for a person living with PTSD can reduce the impact secondary trauma has on them if they carefully approach the situation. The first step is to learn the signs of secondary trauma:

– Emotional exhaustion – Increasingly negative perception of self – Depression – Anxiety – Difficulty eating or sleeping – Feelings of hopelessness"

ETA1 Speaking about it would be a way to make it all real again to acknowledge this horrible shit that Mia is partially responsible for (i know its not part of RE universe but the fic bruise won't heal the stain stays put from the numbers show is pretty much the thought i had with this addition for sure)

Riley: I don't know. That's kind of the whole thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean, in prison, it was easy. I had things to do, you know? Count the days. Count down the sentence. Eat, sleep, read. It's all pretty spelled out for you. Regimented. But here? Here I have nothing. What, am I going to get a job? Go to school? I have no money, no prospects. I just exist now. That's it. I have absolutely no purpose at all. I'm just sitting in my parents' house, breathing, and serving no purpose to anyone whatsoever. I'm just living. [long pause] And that's the worst part. Because I shouldn't be alive, Erin. So I don't know. What do I do here? I eat. Sleep. Shit. I don't know. Walk home now, eat dinner, wait out this fucking storm.

-i think the debrief and everything directly after might have been anywhere between six months and a year for Ethan and Mia

Riley: No, alcohol isn't good or bad. But the version of me that would come out when I had enough to drink, he was bad. He was selfish and careless and he ruined my life. There is a saboteur inside of me, and I always thought, you know, we'd work it out. We'd learn to live with each other, because he wouldn't really hurt me. Not me. I fed him, so he wouldn't hurt me. And then one morning I woke up and found out he killed someone. I had killed someone. So who's to blame there? I am to blame there. And God? He just kind of let it happen, didn't he? See, that's the part I cannot square. Because you're right, there is so much suffering in the world. So much. And then there's this higher power. This higher power who could erase all that pain, just wave his hand and make it all go away, but doesn't? No. No thank you. The worst part is that it lets all the rest of us off the hook. We can watch so many people just slip into these bottomless pits of awful and we can stand it. We can tolerate it because we say things like, "God works in mysterious ways." Like there's a plan? Like something good's going to come out of it? Nothing good came out of my drinking. Nothing good came out of me killing that poor girl. Nothing good came out of Joe Collie's drinking. And not a single good thing comes out of Leeza never being able to walk again. Nothing good came out of a metric ton of crude oil filling up the bay. And the only thing, the only fucking things that lets people stand by, watching all this suffering, doing nothing, doing fucking nothing, is the idea that suffering can be a gift from God. What a monstrous idea, Father.

"No Pain. No Memory, No Awareness That I Ever Was. That I Ever Hurt Someone."

eta 1 I mentioned their fics in this post so it makes sense in my head to plug them @screechthemighty @talistheintrovert

[givemebackmypills]

[itsbrucey]

Hihiii! I have appeared with an invisible microphone up to you (you seem very talk to me idk why- could be your banner on your profile hmm) Jonah and Lorraine? What’s their deal? (/nf ask ofc :]])

People like commenting on my banners and I just realized both my main and side have fucked up Markipliers. Hm.

Also. Cracks knuckles. Ok this will probably be NONSENSE I am very tired but here's a fucking run down ( maybe I'll add tomorrow/later idk)

Jonah and Lorraine are two of my OCS that are in this circle of my Darling Wonderful OCS aka the ones I actively think about and make content for. They're in the same realm as Dulcie and Eli and Marley and Vio. Which is to say My Main Ocs.

They're also the select few that have a story/narrative of some kind! Of which I'd like to one day actually write or make comics for.

The basics of Jonah is that she's essentially a super soldier experiment, not being "finished" but the newest model that's being worked on. All lab grown, not a "real person" and therefore is not treated as such. She's made as an organic war machine and is extremely strong and durable; tear tanks and armies apart with her bare hands strong and durable. But she's also INSANELY dehumanized and abused within her facility to the point where she's just kind of. Completely apathetic and numb and permanently in a Fight state of being as a defensive mechanism.

She ends up turning on the facility during a regular trial run of her progress and she SLAUGHTERS most of the lab and facility workers. She escapes the facility and doesn't really have anywhere to go so she just Picks Somewhere. She ends up escaping to a city and climbing through a random window post-carnage and meeting Zach. A random fucking English major who can't really do anything about this massive murder woman who is now in his place.

Her entire thing is that she's learning what it means to be human while dealing with A: trauma and PTSD from Everything and B: a government desperate trying to get her back. Big Woman enjoyers who want someone severely emotionally stunted and permanently stressed out but trying her best may like her. Also she's bisexual and her blood is BRIGHT pink.

Lorraine is a chieftess of a sky island that floats over The Abyss, governing it with her two brothers. She basically oversees the safety of the villages and makes sure people are fed and tended to. Things have been getting hard though, as the island keeps crumbling little by little, and the island seems to have been falling apart faster after Lorraine's father died and she took over. She ends up getting betrayed by one of her brother's and challenges to a duel because he blames her for things sucking really bad + he's jealouuuuussss.

Lorraine loses the duel and gets stabbed through the gut with the family spear ( which has lightning magic fun fact ) and physically KICKED over the side of the island by her brother. She falls and falls and falls, spear STILL INSIDE HER, and she falls into The Abyss, which is like. An infinitely stretching void way below the island. If you fall over the edge, you aren't coming back.

But Lorraine falls into The Abyss. And wakes up. In a fucked up new world that is mangled and twisted and decaying. She gets attacked by some [creatures I haven't named yet ValleyStalkers idk] and manages to fight them off with her spear, but just barely. She faints bc of blood loss + exhaustion + lightning magic. But THEN. PLOT TWIST BITCH SHE JUST DRAGGED INTO A LITTLE ROCK SHELTER BY A LITTLE GIRL. PEOPLE CAN LIVE DOWN HERE.

Lorraine gets nursed back to health by this young girl and Lorraine is hellbent on clawing her way back up to the island and slaughtering her brother for his betrayal. And she adopts the girl and sets off on a journey to leave The Abyss. Also she's like in her 40's-50's and is a cool trans woman with a wife. For my woman enjoyers who like a stern and commanding lady who is also very sweet and sacrificial. Also who has a kickass lightning spear passed through her family's lineage.

Lorraine's lore document is collecting dust as we speak but I'd like to finalize some lore of the worldbuilding + Abyss, as well as OTHER CHARACTERS WHO AREN'T MENTIONED BC THE STORY NEEDS DEVELOPED. Jonah doesn't have a lore document yet bc I'm. Lazy.

Thumbs up!! This is like. The general overview of them. My beautiful amazing battle women.

[bloomingbluebell]

so mad at the thing in my brain that makes me freak out whenever there is something gorey or honestly just medically gross like. do you know how many games, movies, and TV shows are entirely inaccessible to me because of this? how many i've had to stop watching because they went a bit too hard in the gore/body horror department? how much money i spent on games i'll never play again? (regretfully looks at resident evil 7 and 8 in my steam library. at least 7 was on sale)

[monsterously-high]

[yoharrysaidshe]

The last two ss being my top 20 but here's my full list if any of u care (first time since like 2019 I'm proud of it enough to share bc its actually quite accurate bc I finally wasn't hacked or harry didn't take up my entire list yayyyy tbh he didn't show up at all wow)