#oh but you understand exactly how invalid the “i tried my best and ive changed” argument is when its someone who hurt YOU

[quirkykayleetam]

Empty Shell

Hello!  This is an entry in the Broken Pieces series.  The previous piece is Kind Restraints and can be found by that title or the tags of any of the main characters.

“We have a problem.”

Special Agent Daniel Wei looked up from his desk at Morgan Security to find his boss scowling down at him.  He took a sip of coffee.

“You remember that Jonathan kid?”

Daniel nodded.  How could he forget? 

 Despite the “Security” in the name Morgan Security, most of his assignments since joining the firm eight years ago were pretty tame.  Intimidation was the name of the game for the most part.  Sometimes he got to make people feel safe.  Those days he drank less coffee and whistled on the car ride home.  

What happened with the kid...?  Daniel hadn’t seen anyone hurt that badly since his time in the service.  He tried not to dwell on the fact that all that damage was done a 26-year-old civilian just protecting his job, but the image of Jay’s protruding ribs still woke him up at night.

“It’s his caretaker.  Apparently she ordered Jones around like a schoolboy.  Spit in Wilson’s face for good measure.  They’re off the case, effective immediately.”

“Who is she?”

“Some brood named Evelyn or Emily or something, though the boys are calling her something else.”

Daniel’s boss chucked.  Daniel didn’t.

“Look, Wei, I know it’s not your usual gig, but this whole thing is still on a need-to-know basis.  I got managers breathing down my neck that nobody else even hears a fart about what happened.”

Unceremoniously, he dropped a bundle of blue medical files on Daniel’s desk.

“As of now, you’re the kid’s case worker for the firm.  You screw this up and it's your neck on the line, not mine, you hear me?  The whole thing was fucked from the start if you ask me.”

Daniel didn’t hear him.  All he could see were the pictures closely documenting the welts, cuts, and bruises down Jay’s left side.  They must have been taken the night of his rescue sometime after Jay passed out in Daniel’s trunk.

The agent took another long drought of coffee.  Apparently he was going to have more nightmares tonight.

Daniel arrived early at the hospital the next morning.

Jay was already awake.  A nurse in pink patterned scrubs slowly spooned swallows of lukewarm eggs into the patient's mouth.

Daniel looked away.

He pretended it was for Jay’s sake.  Being spoon fed had to be a humiliating reminder of the computer scientist’s immobilized hands.

In reality, he couldn’t handle the look in Jay’s eyes.

Jay stared unseeing at the blank hospital wall in front of them.  It was as if they came back to themselves any further they’d have to feel the pain and trauma and heartbreak of everything they went through and, at least now, early in the morning, forced to rely on strangers and IVs and pain meds just to survive, Jay’s body couldn’t handle it.  It reverted into an empty shell.

Instead, Daniel found the figure slumped near the opposite wall.  Elizabeth “Beth” Martinez, 38-year-old Art Department secretary at Landring Community College, looked like she’d collapsed more than fallen asleep in the stiff metal chair by Jay’s bed.  Her mouth hung open a little and her hands stretched out on the armrest toward Jay.  A rumbled duffel bag huddled under her feet.  It couldn’t have held more than two sweaters and three pairs of socks, but Beth obviously wasn’t leaving that room unless she had to.

A flurry of movement brought Daniel’s eyes back to the nurse and her charge.

“We’ve just got a new protein shake in.  It’s chocolate!  I know it’s just breakfast, but you need to get some meat on your bones.”

She set the brown liquid and straw within reach of Jay’s mouth, but instead of taking a sip, Jay’s eyes went wide.

Jay lashed out, spooking the nurse and sending thick chocolate liquid puddling across the tile floor.  Before Daniel could blink, Beth was by Jay’s side, rubbing their back as they buried their face in her neck.

“Don’t drink it!  Don’t drink it, Beth!” Jay half yelled, half sobbed.

“I won’t.  I promise, Jay.”

“It...It’s poisoned.  You never know how it’s gonna hurt you, but it always does.  I know, I know I need it.  I have to stay alive, have to keep them away from you, but I’m tired, Beth.  I’m so weak and tired, I don’t know what to do…”

With gentle hands, Beth gripped both sides of Jay’s face.  She moved them upward until she could look Jay in the eyes.

“Jay, when you were at Princeton and your dad died and you drove miles and miles home in your roommate’s car just so you could be there for your mom as soon as possible, were you weak for wanting to sleep when you got back?”

“N...No.”

“It’s okay to be tired, Jay.  It’s like, I don’t know, warriors on watch.  You’ve done your job protecting us.  Now it’s your turn to rest so we can take care of you.”

Daniel Wei left the hospital without a word.  He had work to do.

***

Weeks later, the agent returned to find Jay sitting at a table on the other side of the room.  Their hands were still in splints.  They still had dark circles under their eyes.  They stared at the table like its solid plastic was grounding them.

Daniel bit back a sigh as the kid didn’t even look up as he entered the room.

Then there was a kerfuffle behind him.

“Aha!” Beth said, bursting through the door.  “I finally found a nurse who doesn’t do the Chronicle Sunday crossword at ass o’clock in the morning!  Jay-bird we are good to go.”

Jay’s eyes lit up as Beth smacked the paper down in front of him and grabbed another chair.  For the first time, Daniel realized they were blue.

“Bet you stole it,” they said quietly.

Beth hand flew out of her purse where she was rooting for a pencil and struck above her heart.

“I am deadly offended that you would even think that I would stoop to such things, especially on the day of our Lord!  I asked, thank you very much!  Besides, if you’re so against stealing, maybe I shouldn’t give you your other treat…”

“You’d withhold a treat from a poor invalid?” Jay deadpanned.  “Oh my poor arm.”

Beth chucked.  Jay smiled.

“I know you’re having trouble with straws, Jay-bird, but I thought, maybe…”

Beth pulled a purple aluminum can out of her purse.

Jay leaned forward eagerly, but then made himself pause.

“Am I allowed to…?”

“Hell, I don’t see why not!  They’re trying to get calories into you anyway that they can.  Junk food is only gonna help with that!”

Beth popped the tab on the Grape Crush and stuck a straw in it, moving it toward Jay as she nudged his foot companionably.

Tentatively, Jay took a sip.  Then a swig.  Then a gulp that took up half the bottle.

“Whoa, slow down there Jay-bird.  They will kick me out of here if you die from a sugar high.”

“It tastes like capitalism,” Jay sighed.

“And?”

“And not like hospital food!”

“Good!  Then this will be the first of our illegal smuggling adventures, deal?”

“Deal.”

There was a pause as Jay savored his soda.

Daniel cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Jay,” he said.  “I’m Special Agent Daniel Wei from Morgan Security.  Would you mind if I borrowed Ms. Martinez for a few minutes?”

Jay looked at Beth who nodded wearily and got up to follow Daniel out the door.

***

As soon as Daniel and Beth got settled in an empty conference room, her whole demeanor changed.  Her smile slid into a tight thin line and she squared her shoulders even as they fell a few inches.

“So, Agent,” she said.  “When are we going to be able to get him out of here?”

“Jay’s casts home off in two weeks.  If he passes all his physical examinations, I don’t see any reason for him to stay longer than that.”

“Good.  And where we’re going?  I assume you’ve got all of that sorted.  There are a few things I’d like to bring with me, but everything else can go.”

Beth clenched her jaw as she said the words.

Daniel closed his eyes.

Here was a woman trying to hold the world together for a kid who’d completely lost his life.  In the process she was losing hers too.  If he made her, she would have to go back into that hospital room and tell Jay that everything was working out perfectly even if she didn’t know where they were going to be tomorrow or what Morgan Security would require of them.  And she’d do it.  He could see that weary determination in her deep brown eyes and he knew exactly how hard she’d come down on all of them if they pushed Jay too hard.

“We’ll continue to pay for your old apartments as long as we need to,” Daniel promised.  “You’ll be able to get your stuff whenever you need to, whether that means going back yourself or letting us hire folks to get it for you.  We won’t make you leave things behind.  Not when they’re as important as Grape Crush.”

Beth didn’t smile, but her shoulders relaxed a little.

“As for where you’re going…”

Daniel passed a manila folder across the table to Beth.

“The firm picked out a safe house with the latest security.  It’s off the grid with the best locks and monitors and motion detectors money can buy.  And, for lack of a better word, it’s a bunker.  I saw the place where they were keeping him Ms. Martinez.  I thought Jay might prefer something more homey.”

Holding his breath, he took out another file.

“This holding just came on the market.  It’s not far outside the city.  You’d have to drive longer for doctor’s visits, but you’d have access to a public pool and a park a few blocks away.  I made sure that it was only one story so you wouldn’t have any problems with dizziness and falling from Jay’s pain medications.”

“And it has windows,” Beth said softly.

“And it has windows,” Daniel said.  “It looks like a home.”

He cleared his throat.

“There is one more thing about this property that you should know about that’s not in the papers.”

Beth looked up.

“I understand Jay has been seeing a Morgan Security psychiatrist.”

Beth almost sprung out of her chair.

“Look, I get it!  You want to know what happened to him.  You want him to tell you the story of every mark to make sure he didn’t tattle when they beat him half to death.  Just don’t bring me into it.  I’m not spying for you.  I’m trying to make him better while you’re focused on your own damn pride!”

“I agree.”

“What?”

“Jay needs someone who understands what he’s going through and is focused on his recovery, not his worth to any company,” Daniel said calmly.  “Next door to this address is Dr. Stephens.  He’s an old army buddy who specialized in special service members and PTSD.  This would not be his first time working with the aftereffects of torture.  Jay might still have to meet with the Morgan Security doc for appearances sake, but Dr. Stephens has promised to see him off the books.  Doctor/patient confidentiality would apply.”

That made Beth deflate completely.

“Do you really think this Dr. Stephens could help?  Jay talks more in his sleep than he does in person.  I still don’t know what’s going to set him off and I just…I just want him to feel safe.”

Daniel placed his hand on her, cold on the tan plastic table.

“So do I.”

***

Daniel returned Beth to Jay’s hospital room with the hope of a smile on his face.  Before the could close the door, the pair started bickering about the answer to the crossword’s 27 Across.  Beth held her pencil like a dagger while Jay batted at it with ineffective, casted hands.  Through it all, their feet remained pressed together with comfortable pressure, reminding each other that they were there and they weren’t going away.

Like that night long ago when he rescued Jay, Daniel pulled out his cell phone and dialed Morgan Security.  His boss picked up.

“No sir, there’s no problem,” Daniel said.  “I just need to get a copy of the Chronicle delivered outside the city to Westover drive.  Yes, this is a matter of great importance.”

Filling the “Empty Shell” square with Original Characters for @badthingshappenbingo​!  I think I’m setting a record for filling the most squares without actually making any of them line up lol.

Tagging the Broken Pieces Crew: (If you want to be added or taken off this list, just let me know!):  @stoic-whumpee​​​​, @whatwasmyprevioususername​​​​, @whumpty-dumpty-fell-off-the-wall​​​​, @straight-to-the-pain​​​​, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog​​​​, @0idril0​​​​, @fallingstormphoenix​​​​, @whump-fantasies​​​​, @imagination1reality0​​​​, @whumpback-wail​​​, @whump-tr0pes​​​, @untilthepainstarts​​​, @captivity-whump​​, @burtlederp​​, @redwingedwhump​​, @whumpiary​​, @captivity-whump​​, @blue-flare10​

All credit to @stoic-whumpee​ for the idea of making Daniel a main character.

[juunshua]

I think people underestimate how many idols pass their auditions despite being basically tone-deaf. I think a lot of the early vocal-training just focuses on being on tune except for the main singers. Some people in svts vocal-team obviously aren't pros when it comes to technique. That doesn't mean that they're not great people with lot of potential, or that people aren't allowed to love their voice as it is, so I hope people don't take offense to this. Because technique ≠ objective beauty!!

while i would hesitate to call them ‘tone-deaf,’ i do agree that when auditioning for a company, perhaps if they claimed their forte was ‘dancing’ or ‘rapping’ instead of ‘singing,’ there may have been idols who have struggled with that aspect, the same as when idols who didn’t know much about dancing just clapped their hands to the beat and were often accepted. but companies know this. its their responsibility to ‘groom’ these trainees they accept to become idols and that often entails things like dance practice and vocal lessons. what you’re saying about ‘early vocal-training’ and how it focuses on being on tune, it just confuses me that if a company has a trained professional certified vocal trainer work for them, why such a person would only focus on being on tune because singing is far more complex than just that. learning how to breathe properly is literally the first step of singing, and the way that most idols sing these days, its as if they’ve never even received this simple lesson. and along with that, voice classification is also an important first step for singing so vocalists know and are aware of the limitations of their voice, but why does it seem like so many baritones out there don’t seem to know that they are baritones? and blame themselves for the inability to hit high notes with the same ease as tenors? when its not their fault at all. ive helped one of my old orchestra teachers for many summers teach children how to play string instruments and the first thing we teach them is not how to put fingers down on the violin and play notes, but instead how to hold their instrument properly, how to hold their bow properly, how to sit properly etcetc and we do a lot of exercises with that in mind. im no music major and i have not a degree in teaching music but i know as a violinist what things will benefit my students if they adopt these good habits now rather than trying to fix them later. it should be the same for vocal teachers too i dont think i would understand the reason why actual educated vocal instructors would try to teach their students how to sing without teaching them a lot of important basics. singing in tune is important yes, singing on the beat is also important yes, but along with those first steps in music should also be a basic understanding of the instrument youre working with and how to best take care of it so you dont injure it or yourself, which is something i feel many idols don’t have.i honestly believe that everyone has the potential to be a decent vocalist if they have the proper mentorship and work ethic so yes i agree, even if svts vocal unit, or svt in general, are struggling in the technique department, it doesnt mean that they cant adopt it and learn from it and improve…but thats also partially why its so frustrating ahaha they can improve but they dont and just stick to their confines of societal expectations of a good singer which is one that is again: loud, high and “stable.” the room for improvement with that mentality i think is a bit limited honestly for me, its always the vocalists who have shown that they know what vocal technique is, that i am always the most excited for improvement because i know that they know how to improve. also i agree that you’re allowed to love whatever voice color you want even if theyre not the best vocalist. in terms of color, i really love yooa’s voice from oh my girl even if she doesnt really know how to support ahah her voice in ‘cupid’ was the whole reason i biased her tbqh, and even though kyuhyun is redeemed as a fantastic vocalist, his vibrato bothers me quite a bit and i much prefer ryeowooks vocal color and voice in general over his. same with exo i prefer baekhyun/kyungsoo over chen even though chen is the more technically advanced. enjoying someones voice as it is is fine, everyone has different preferences when it comes to the type of voice they want to hear and thats all fair and good.however, yes while “technique ≠ objective beauty,” as beauty truly isnt ever going to be objective as it is dependent on personal preferences as well as societal expectations, i think a reverse/modified version of that statement should be considered as well: “subjective beauty ≠ technique.” ive seen in many fandoms, carats included, where someone tries to ‘justify’ the reason they like someone’s voice as being because they have ‘great technique’ when thats just…not the case at all. its okay if you like ur favs voice and they don’t have great technique, just try not to attribute something to someone that isnt there and please recognize someones hard work and skill when it is there. in the end my whole stance on vocal technique is that it should be something that more idols should try to adopt because its only better for the health of their vocal cords. many idols want longevity, esp those who focus on singing, it would be a shame if they were to seriously injure their voice especially since its the one instrument that you really cant exactly buy a new one of if it ‘breaks.’ singing with technique in mind also opens up a lot of other doors, such as versatility, dynamics, overall control of your voice, etc. like it just increases the musicality of every vocal performance imo. for instance boo here goes from soft and gentle sounding to more gritty and loud and often goes back and forth between the two sounds and all the intermediates. the changes are very gradual and minute but there if you listen for it and hes able to do this because he knows what he has to do to manipulate his voice to execute the musical interpretation of the song that he chose to sing because he knows what technique is. but it’s not to say that people who sing out there who arent trying to employ technique are invalid as singers and that their voices are not ones that people can enjoy. tl;dr yes enjoy voices and their vocal colors and listen to the voices that make you feel happy and that you like but the importance of vocal technique should not and must not be dismissed.