#oh yeah and Big Pup had a seizure

[cesium-sheep]

apparently there was Much News over the past week over in mom’s circles, like the babysitter getting caught on camera abusing the nonverbal grandkid and the stepsister I’ve met twice losing her housing, although at least her nephew is gonna have a 4th kid. even though matt was just here at the beginning of the month it was hard to remember enough to really tell her about the visit (it’s been that long since she was able to call). I was talking about zoe’s blanket and being glad I’d already started on it so early what with her own illness and said something about how mom’s year started falling apart after I was already booked up and she was just like “I know you’re here to support me. and I’ve been sleeping with the blanket and shawl you made me, so you’re keeping me warm.” (since she can’t lay down with her lungs how they have been she’s been sleeping in her chair.)

then arin had a little like 30-second cry over missing matt, and once she was done I asked if it would be my turn to be sad eventually and she was like “uh huh yeah” and already looking at imgur again, but she noticed that didn’t exactly placate me and put her phone down to give me a little time to be sad. I told her I’ve been trying to keep as much of it off her plate as I can but I’m not doing well right now, and something about I know other people can’t do what I do, and then she. got up to get a hairclip. and tried to stutter through her half-formed thought about taking a non-psych residency that’s closer to home just to have somewhere to land. even though I’d just said earlier in the conversation we should talk to matt and see where he’s at on the question of moving with us if we don’t go home, since we have to talk about the vacation “plan” thing anyway and we might as well get it all out of the way at once. so. that was not actually comforting. (the like 60 seconds before that where I got to be sad and is hold may have been a little helpful maybe. less so because of how it ended tho.)

[hopelikethemoon]

Lense (Javier x Reader) {MTMF}

Title: Lense  Rating: Explicit  Length: 3500 Warnings: Sex on camera, shower sex, discussions of pegging, and fluff. Notes: You can find everything about Maybe Today, Maybe Forever here. Set the Summer of 1999 a couple weeks after Adventurous. Part one of two parts of their new sexploit. DID YOU ALL MISS ME? This only took me like a week to write. Is it good? I don’t know, my brain’s still fuzzy from my seizure.  Summary: Reader and Javier make good on their idea to record themselves.

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“You know, when you said you needed someone to watch the girls for the weekend I didn’t realize it was so Javier could mow the lawn.” Steve said, giving you a pointed look as Javier passed by the window again with the mower. 

You laughed, shaking your head slowly as you took a sip of the lemonade you had made, “It’s supposed to rain. He wanted to get it out of the way first.” 

Steve pursed his lips together and nodded his head as he arched a brow at you, “What are you two planning to get up to?”

“Do you really want to know?” You rolled your eyes, glancing out the window as Javier paused to wipe sweat off his brow with the hem of his shirt. “The garden center has some Bell peppers and Serranos that were calling my name. We might go pick up a couple and plant them.”

“Without the girls?”

You narrowed your eyes at Steve, “I seem to recall watching the girls two Sundays ago so Connie could ‘try a new recipe’.” 

Steve made a face before taking a sip of lemonade, “A new recipe was tried.” 

“So I heard.” You smirked a little. “Only took the two of you — what? Two decades to get adventurous?”

“We’re not all you and Javier.” Steve retorted, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the counter. He glanced towards the hallway, where the girls could be heard laughing and giggling in JoJo’s bedroom. “I still don’t know how the two of you keep that spark alive.”

You shrugged, your eyes flickering back out the window to watch Javier. “You forget that we went an entire summer feeling like strangers. Have the two of you considered therapy?”

Steve shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah, we’ve actually been seeing one. We’re working on a lot of shit that I didn’t realize she was holding onto.”

“We tend to protect the people we love from that kind of stuff.” You chewed on the inside of your bottom lip, folding your arms across your chest. 

“You and Javi good?” Steve questioned, his brows drawing together. 

“Solid.” You answered without hesitation. “Admittedly, I’m a little antsy not having somewhere to go and work every day. First summer off in my entire adult career.” You grimaced a little. “He’s surprisingly good at the stay-at-home thing.”

“That surprised the hell out of me,” Steve agreed. “I remember how he was at the DEA. Work was home, home was work.”

You nodded, “Yeah. It all balances out.” Reaching for your glass of lemonade, you continued. “You and Connie just need to focus on what’s right for the two of you. Your relationship isn’t going to look like mine with Javier.” 

“We’re a bit more conventional.” Steve teased, giving you a look. “Not that it’s any of my business, but… I’m guessing this the sex tape thing. Right?”

You snorted, scrunching up your nose. “You’re right. None of your business.” You smirked as you heard the lawn mower shut off. “But yes.”

Steve scratched at the back of his neck, “Look at that, Connie and I have done something you haven’t.”

“Really?” 

He shrugged, “Shocking. Right?”

“Mommy!” Josie called out, tearing down the hallway into the kitchen, “Stevie tried to eat my Barbie.” 

“Jesus Christ.” You muttered, “Well, did she actually eat it?”

She stopped short, grinning innocently. “No.” 

“Then what’s the emergency?” 

Josie pursed her lips, “Olivia said she just got the new Barbie Fountain playset and I want to see it.”

You arched a brow at her, “Are you telling me to hurry up?”

She shrugged her shoulders, “Is it working?”

Steve laughed, giving your back a pat as he stepped past you, “I’ll get the girls ready.” 

“What have we talked about lying?” You questioned as you crouched in front of your daughter. 

“But I told you the truth.”

The back door opened as Javier came in from mowing the lawn. Josie’s eyes went wide and she reached out to grab your forearm. 

“Don’t tell daddy.” She stuck out her bottom lip, looking sweet and innocent in a way that only ever got Javier wrapped around her fingers.

“I don’t know, he might want to ground you.” You tapped her on the nose. “Just be honest, alright?”

“Alright mommy.” She smiled at you, before flinging her arms around you. 

“Am I missing out on something?” Javier questioned, lifting his shirt up to wipe off his sweaty face. 

“Ew. Daddy! You’re stinky.” She stuck out her tongue and shied away from him. “You need to get hosed down!” She said, just like you sounded whenever Stevie got filthy. 

You stood back up, nodding your head towards the hallway. “Go get your bag so Uncle Steve can leave.”

“What’d I miss?” Javier questioned, hooking a finger in the back belt loop of your denim shorts. 

“Josie telling little fibs again.” You made a face. “And you do stink.”

“Thought you liked fresh cut grass.” He arched a brow and gave your ass a playful swat. “I’ll shower once they're on their way.”

You leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “I might join you.”

“Just the Little Bear backpack?” Steve called out from the bedroom. 

“And the Esprit duffle.” You answered, swatting Javier’s hand away as you wandered down the hallway. “Two beach towels, swimsuits and spares.” You explained as you leaned against the doorframe. “Connie said you have spare wings for Sof.”

“We’ve got a dozen.” Steve assured you. 

Sofía toddled over to you, wrapping her arms around your leg. You leaned down and scooped her up. “Are you going to be a good little rugrat for Uncle Steve and Aunt Connie?” 

She nodded excitedly, “I’m gonna see a kitty.”

“That’s right,” You tickled her stomach, making her squeal. “You’re going to see Mr. Grouch.”

“His name is Oscar!” Sofía corrected you. 

You laughed, “Yes, but he’s named for Oscar the Grouch.” You reminded her, “Right Em?”

Emily nodded, “Daddy wanted to name him after Uncle Javier, but mom said no.” 

“Oh, I know all about that.” You bounced Sofía in your arms before sitting her back down. “Alright, let’s clear out.” You clapped your hands. 

“It was the mustache,” Steve explained. “Have you ever seen a cat with a mustache?” 

“I thought it was the whole ‘you hate cats, but Oscar’s glued to you’ thing.” 

“That too.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, before shouldering the girls’ bags and herding them out of the bedroom. 

Stevie whined as she followed after the girls, “You can’t go with them, Stevie.” You told her, grabbing ahold of her collar so she wouldn’t try to bolt for the door. 

“Have fun, Peña.” Steve quipped, fixing Javier with a smirk as he headed for the door. “Hope you have a tripod.”

Javier pressed his tongue to the inside of his cheek, “You’re lucky the girls are here.” 

Steve laughed, “Yeah, whatever Javi. Have a good weekend guys.” He said before ushering the girls out the front door. 

Once the door was safely closed, you let go of Stevie and went to lock the door. “Once she’s settled, we can let her out back to chase lizards. That should keep her occupied.” 

“So you told Steve?” He shook his head, barely able to keep from laughing. 

“To be fair, we told him at the bar last month.” Your brows rose upwards. “And more surprisingly, they’ve already tried this.”

“Really?”

“I know.”

Javier gave you a skeptical look, “I don’t know if I believe that.”

“Which is more believable…” You said slowly as you approached him, putting on the most innocent attempt at seduction. “Steve and Connie making sex tapes… or you taking the strap?”

He rolled his eyes, “The latter.” 

You smirked, reaching out to ghost your fingers over his stomach, before sliding your hand up his chest and curling your fingers around the back of his neck. “I figured.” 

Javier curled his arm around your waist, “Weren't you complaining about me smelling?”

“I’m holding my breath.” You teased as you played your fingers through the sweat-damp hair at the nape of his neck. “Shower?”

He dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded, “Sounds like a plan, baby.” He said as he leaned in to kiss you. It was a slow kiss, one that lingered just long enough to spike a rush of desire in your lower belly. 

Javier pulled away, catching your hand and guiding you towards the bedroom. 

“Wait, let me put Stevie out.” You reminded him, shaking your hand out of his hold as you went to open the door in your bedroom that led into the backyard. “Stevie!”

“I’ll get the shower running.” Javier told you, before vanishing into the bathroom. 

“Alright pup, enjoy your afternoon outside.” You told Stevie as you put her out into the backyard. You followed her outside, grabbing the hose to fill up her big green water bowl. 

Stevie barked, wagging her tail, before a scurrying lizard caught her attention and she went bounding after it. 

You headed back inside, pulling the door shut and drawing the shades on the door. The last thing you needed was for a neighbor to catch a glimpse into your bedroom today — not that they could with all the flora and fauna around the fence line. 

The shower was already running in the bathroom and you could hear Javier whistling to himself as he waited for you.

“I love you just a little more for whistling ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca,’ Javier.” You remarked with a grin as you shouldered the door open and stepped inside to join him. 

“It’s catchy,” Javier told you, scratching at the back of his neck as his eyes swept over you. “You’re overdressed.”

“Or maybe you’re just underdressed.” You retorted pointedly as you gave him your own sweeping look. “Someone’s got a swim tan line.” You brushed your fingers over his hip bone where there was a subtle line between his stomach and the skin that was covered by his swim trunks. 

“That’s what you get when you have mermaids for daughters.” Javier caught your hand, rubbing his thumb over your palm before lifting your hand to his lips and kissing each knuckle. 

“I don’t know, Sofía still freaks out when I try to wash her hair.” 

Javier cocked his head to the side, “You’ve got a point there.” He released your hand, reaching down to unsnap your shorts, pushing them down your hips. 

You smiled softly at him as you leaned in to kiss him, sliding your fingers through his hair. He managed to work your t-shirt up, breaking away from the kiss long enough to rid you of it and your bra. 

“Should we film this?” You questioned, peppering a line of kisses along his jaw as you reached downwards to curl your fingers around his rigid cock. 

“Fuck.” Javier hissed out, catching your wrist. “You want me to?” He questioned, meeting your gaze with an arched brow. 

You nodded, stroking your thumb over that sensitive spot just beneath the head of his cock just to watch his lashes flutter. 

“You gotta stop doing that if you want me to grab the cam, baby.”

“Fine.” You stole another kiss before taking a step back, letting him step back out of the bathroom to grab the camcorder from the bedroom.

There was something hilarious about Javier wandering back into the bathroom — buckass naked — with his glasses on as he tinkered with the camcorder. 

“This better come out good.” Javier remarked as he adjusted the viewfinder and looked through it. “Two grand better come out looking cris—“ He stopped short as he focused the camera on your naked chest. “Worth every penny, baby.”

You flipped him off, smirking at him as he panned up to your face. “Is this gonna be a solo film?” You questioned, tucking your fingers into your underwear and shimmying them down your hips. “Because I’m not the one who needs a shower.”

“Baby, I’m recording.” Javier huffed, looking up from the camcorder, his brows furrowed together. 

“I’m pretty sure when we watch this in the future, I’ll remember that you were hot and sweaty… emphasis on the hot.” You beckoned him towards you. 

“Hang on.” Javier hit stop on the camera, before setting it up on the bathroom sink so it was angled towards the shower. He crouched down, flipping open the monitor and turning it around so he could see what was recording. 

“Are we in frame?” You questioned, resting your hand on his shoulder as you peered down at the camera. 

“Yeah.” He nodded, reaching behind him to give your leg a squeeze, before hitting record on the camera. “Definitely didn’t have the shower on our record list for the day.” 

“We’re good at making things work for us.” You pointed out, reaching for his glasses and taking them off his face and sitting them on the sink by the camera. “I think that’s a recurring theme for us.”

“Fairpoint.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth as he guided you back towards the shower. 

The water was the perfect temperature for a hot summer afternoon. You stepped under the spray, winding your fingers through your hair, watching as Javier stepped in to join you. “Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?” Javier arched a brow as he curled his hands around your hips. 

“That you’ll consider keeping your hair this length.” You reached out and stroked wet fingers over his hair, slicking it back. “I may have to fight off a new crop of horny students, but…”

Javier laughed humorlessly, “I’ll think about it.” 

You tugged gently at his hair, “Good.”

He crowded you back against the shower wall, the water pelting down on his shoulders and sloughing off onto your chest and arms in the process. “And for future reference, you don’t have to fight anyone off, baby.” Javier drawled out as he brushed his lips against yours, before trailing his mouth down your throat. 

You sank back against the wall, winding your fingers through his hair as he palmed at your breast with his left hand, while his mouth latched onto the other. You tilted your head to look towards the camera — it was weird to imagine a future version of yourself sitting down to watch this moment in time. 

You knew people watched adult videos — you were entirely aware of that particular section of the sex shop. But it had never really been something either of you needed to get the wheels turning. Would you future you enjoy you staring into the camera lense while Javier’s teeth scraped over your nipple?

Javier caught you by surprise when he slid his free hand between your thighs, making you forget all about the camera on you. 

He kissed his way back up your chest and nipped at your, “Forget it’s there, baby.” He whispered, dragging his fingers through your slick folds slowly. “That’s a good girl.”

“Screw you.” You laughed, rolling your hips into his touch as you curled your fingers around the back of his neck and guided him in for another kiss. You slanted your mouth over his, your tongue sliding out to find his. 

Javier ran his other hand up your side, fingers ghosting over your breast, before trailing back down to grasp at your hip. He groaned against your lips as your own hand slid down and curled around his cock. 

You twisted your wrist skillfully as you stroked your hand over the length of him, matching the rhythm he’d set as he stroked his fingers through your slick folds. 

He slid his hand around to grab at your ass, pulling you towards him. You broke away from the kiss, letting out a ragged breath as you met his gaze. 

“Let’s not spoil all the fun yet.” You breathed out, stroking your fingertips over his collarbone as you slowly dragged your hand over the length of his cock. 

“Didn’t have any plans to, baby.” He rasped out, catching your wrist and pulling your hand away. “But I do have plans.” Javier leaned in to kiss you, before pulling back, “Turn around.”

There was something about the tone he took that went straight to your core, fanning out fresh heat through your veins. Oh. 

You turned around to face the wall, planting your hands firmly on it. You glanced to your right, staring at the camera for a split second before Javier pulled focus back to him. 

He raked his hands up your legs, squeezing at your hips before one hand wandered to press flat against your lower stomach as his other hand guided his cock between your thighs. 

“Shit.” You hissed out as the head of his cock slid deliciously against your clit. 

You sank back against his chest, using him for support as he started thrusting against you, dragging the heavy length of his cock through your slick folds. 

“That’s it, baby.” Javier whispered against the shell of your ear. “You're such a good girl. Fuck.” He loosely curled his fingers around your throat, keeping you pinned against him as he rocked his hips. 

You slid your hand behind you, fingers twisting in his wet hair as he rested his chin against your shoulder. “Javier.” You gritted out, trembling in his grasp as his cock kept rubbing against your clit, causing your inner walls to clench around nothing as you careened towards an orgasm. It was just the right kind of stimulation, but still not enough. 

Javier slid his hand from your throat up to cup your jaw, urging you to turn your head just enough to look back at him. His lips brushed against your cheek, his breath hot against your damp skin as he continued to move. 

“Javier!” You moaned out, nails biting into his forearm as you shattered for him. “Please.” 

“You want more, baby?” He questioned, slowing the role of his hips. 

Your eyes flickered to the camera, focusing on the red flashing record light, before your attention returned to him. “Yes.”

Javier pressed a kiss to your cheek before he adjusted himself behind you. His fingers brushed against your sensitive cunt as he lined his cock up and slid into you. 

He roughly palmed at your breasts as he kept you pinned back against his chest, his thumb dragging mercilessly over the pebbled peak of your nipple. 

“Fuck. Javi— shit that’s good.” You managed, reaching behind you once more to grab at the back of his neck as you ground yourself back on his cock. 

Javier pressed his lips to your shoulder, trailing his free hand up the length of your bare arm. It was such a tender gesture in contrast to the way he was driving his cock into you. 

“I love you,” He whispered, his lips brushing over the shell of your ear. It was incredible that those three little words still sent shivers down your spine. That they still felt new and exciting, even after so many years had passed. 

You turned your head, craning your neck so you could kiss him again. His pace faltered and you knew it wouldn’t be long for him. Your inner walls were still fluttering around his cock every time he buried the length of it into you, pressing against the sweet spot with every other thrust. Something snapped. 

You slapped your hand against the wall of the shower, breaking away from the kiss as you let your head fall forward. 

Right off the heels of your first release, your second orgasm washed over you and it pulled Javier under with you. You clenched tight around him as he kept driving his cock into you, groaning out your name as he finally came apart within you. 

Javier braced his arm around your hips, keeping you pressed tight to him to keep you on your feet as he bucked into you. 

“I hope,” You started, your words coming out strained as you tried to catch your breath. “Future us enjoyed that.” You remarked, giving a half assed thumbs up to the camera. 

He pressed his face into the crook of your shoulder and laughed as he ran his hands over every bare inch of skin he could reach. “I bet I did.” 

You shifted onto one foot so you could use the other to rub your toes against his calf, “You know what I’m going to enjoy?”

“Hmm?” He questioned, brushing your hair off the back of your neck so he could press a kiss there. 

“Fucking you.” 

Javier gave your hip a playful swat as he slid out of you. “I don’t know, I might need to take a nap now.”

You turned around to face him, leaning back against the shower wall. “Should’ve made this tape before you got old on me.” You glanced at the camera, “I bet you have to be extra gentle with the creaky old—“

He didn’t let you finish, before he scooped you up — despite a grimace — and drew your legs around his waist so you were trapped firmly between him and the wall. “What was that?”

“Oh, just thinking about how you’re going to be limping tomorrow.” You retorted as you ran your hands over his shoulders. “Put me down.”

“I’m hoping I’m limping tomorrow.”

You opened and closed your mouth twice as you stared at him, “Challenge accepted.” You said as you tugged at his hair. 

[writersrealmbts]

Protect Them: Lollapalooza

Description: Safe with Me Sequel! Hoseok x Reader. Halloween Special! 

Fluff?

Posted: 10/31/2019

Tags: Hybrid!au, hybrid!Hoseok, Safe With Me Sequel

Words: 3,347

A/N: Not Okay. See Rant Post. But I’m posting this. So. Happy Halloween. This was the one that got the most attention. I tried really hard to comply with what was requested. I hope you like it.

“Thanks for helping me get ready, Emma,” You said, looking at her in the mirror.

She just grinned back. “Thank you for taking the triplets. They’re so excited for trick-or-treating, and the sleepover. And Jin and I are excited to actually sleep.”

“It was nice of the Jimin and Ariel to take the twins,” You added.

She nodded. “And Yoongi is staying with them with Eunyeong so if there’s something that Ariel can’t handle, he can. I’ll have an empty nest.”

“Empty of children, but still containing your husband,” You pointed out, checking out the twenties hairstyle she’d managed to give you, pulling together your costume. “And aren’t you and Jin going to dinner?”

“Drive in movie. Yes, we’re very excited. There, I think that should do it. Hold your breath.”

You did, closing your eyes as she applied the hairspray.

“Okay.”

You opened your eyes and examined your hair. “This is great! Thank you.”

“No problem, now seriously, I have a question.” She leaned on the back of the chair.

“Oh?”

“Weren’t you and Hobi going to try for kids right away?”

“Oh. Yeah. We were. Did. Are.”

She looked worried and amused, a strange combination that she pulled off well. “Care to elaborate?”

“Well, my medication for the seizures was making things difficult, so we had to find a different medication, and that was around when I started having all those other health issues earlier this summer, and I’ve just recently gotten back to a somewhat healthy state with the medication I’m on now—just in time for me to be working overtime,” You explained, rolling your eyes. “Not to mention Hobi gets so worried about me when I have a bad day that sometimes he sort of forgets that I want to be with him when I’m having a good day.”

“Well, good luck keeping his hands off of you tonight.”

“Is it really that sexy? I got the bigger size so that it would be long enough to cover the worst part of my scar.” You stood up and checked that it was covering. Didn’t look that sexy to you.

“I was referring more to you looking extra gorgeous tonight. This look suits you. I’ll let you finish your makeup and go make sure the kids are ready for tonight.”

You nodded, leaning closer to the mirror to apply lipstick. She’d done your eye makeup since today was one of your blind days for your left eye.

“Y/n? You almost ready?” Hobi called from downstairs.

“Coming!” You called back, blotting the lipstick and then limping towards the stairs as your muscles twinged, protesting you sitting for as long as you had. You were walking a little more normally by the time your reached the bottom of the stairs, though. “Sorry I took so…what? Is there lipstick on my teeth?”

Hoseok was staring at you, eyes huge, ears alert. A grin broke out on his face. “You look fantastic!”

You smiled. “Oh, thank you.”

“Y/n-unnie! You look so pretty!” Nari chirped as she skipped over. She was dressed as a bunny (it was apparently her third year going as a bunny, but she was very insistent), completed with a bunch of carrots hooked on a belt someone had strapped around her, and another that she kept munching at.

“And you look adorable, little bun-bun!” You replied, scooping her up and rubbing your nose against hers.

She giggled. ��Jungkookie is gonna be there too, right?”

“Yes, he’s meeting you at the Sanctuary and going trick-or-treating with us, then he and Tae-tae are going to do other halloween things while you, Monnie, and Min-min go to Hobi’s and Y/n’s for a sleepover,” Emma told her, sounding like she must have said it at least a dozen times.

Hoseok was still looking you up and down.

“Hobi-hyung!” Minsu called loudly. “Can we stay up late?!”

You waited for Hoseok to reply that—no, there was no way they were staying up late. You were even under strict orders to make sure they only had three pieces of candy, despite Hoseok’s desire to let them have four.

But Hoseok was still looking at you, as if in a trance.

“Min-min, we’re all going to be so tired after we go trick-or-treating! Why don’t we decide if we want to stay up when it comes time to it?” You finally answered instead as Minsu looked over at Hoseok in confusion.

Minsu shrugged. “Okay! But we’re not taking Kae’s vote! He’s always sleepy!”

“Where is Monnie?” Emma asked, looking around.

“With appa! He put his costume on wrong,” Nari said, then leaned over toward Hoseok. “Oppa!”

Hoseok’s tail was swishing now and then.

You huffed. “Hoseok!”

He blinked and met your gaze. “Hmm?”

“Head out of the clouds,” You told him, looking purposefully at Nari.

“Oh! Sorry, Nari,” He said quickly, taking her and nuzzling up to her. But he kept glancing at you.

You looked him over then snorted. “Nari, why don’t you go grab your stuffed animal and get Minsu to grab his?”

“Okay!”

Hoseok set her down.

You nudged him. “You need to calm yourself down. We’re taking care of them tonight and you can’t have your head in the bed.” You glanced down meaningfully.

He cleared his throat. “Sorry. You just look so ravishing…I just want to—”

You pushed his face away as it got closer. “You really don’t want to have to take a cold shower right before we go out there. It’s cold. Take a chill pill.”

“But I don’t want to,” He muttered, lips on your neck. “I want you.”

“I want you too, but not right now.”

“I want you to have our kits,” He whispered hotly.

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, we’ve established that, and—Hoseok, your mother is literally across the room from us. Please calm down.”

He groaned, finally pulling away.

Emma came over, looking over a list. “Alright, here’s the things you wanted written down about their bedtime routine. It hasn’t changed that much, but Minsu can’t sleep with a nightlight now and Kaemon needs one. Nari doesn’t care either way, in true Nari fashion. Also, they’re at the age where they still want to scent you goodnight, but don’t seem certain that it’s okay, which is ridiculous considering they get scented all day long by whoever happens to be in the house, but it’s probably from school. Apparently there’s a very…precocious little boy running his mouth. Jin and I are meeting with the teacher on Monday. Just one more thing, I think I should mention.”

“Oh?” Hoseok looked surprised.

She gave him a pointed look. “Try not to traumatize my children. They come to your door when you least expect it.”

He nodded slowly. “Yes, ma’am.”

She shook her head, then turned and smiled brightly at Kaemon as he came racing out in a lion costume.

Minsu had the pirate hat on his head now, and Emma quickly got the kids to pose for pictures.

“We should have coordinated,” Hoseok murmured, pressing a quick kiss to your shoulder. “Aren’t you going to be cold in that?”

“I’ve got a coat, besides, this is more because I know Emma wants pictures of us,” You told him. “And it’s fun to be something else for a night. Nice to feel different.”

“Different?” he sounded confused. “Different how?”

“I don’t know, I just feel…really pretty in this.”

“You’re gorgeous,” He whispered. “All the time.”

You smiled at him, and gave him a kiss. “Stop standing on my blind side.”

“Sorry,” He laughed out, switching to your right side and kissing that cheek.

“Nice pictures,” Jin called out, laughing at the surprised look Hoseok got.

Emma looked rather pleased. “Alright, last pictures: Kids go stand with y/n and Hobi.”

They hurried over, giving her big grins along with you.

She set aside the camera, then knelt and opened her arms. “Last hugs!”

They rushed to her.

“Now, I know you’ll be the best-behaved little pups in the world for Y/n. Have fun trick-or-treating, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You sighed wistfully, watching the way the kids looked to her and Jin.

Hoseok’s arm went around your shoulders. “We’ll have our own kids soon.”

You nodded.

“Besides, I know for a fact that they tend to go to each other when they have nightmares these days. I bet we could manage to get some time in together. I mean, y/n is pregnant and they haven’t had any babysitters in quite some time,” He whispered.

You looked up at him, then looked back at her. “How can you tell?”

“Her smell. Plus the way Jin’s treating her. He always knows before she does, and he also knows that she wanted to stop after the twins.”

“Does she know?”

“Hard to say.”

“Is it weird to call someone your mom when they actually aren’t that much older than you?” You asked.

“Eh, sometimes. But…she’s really the only mother I’ve ever known. Jungkook started it. To be fair, he was basically Jin’s kid anyway, and so was Jimin. I just…I was so happy that she let me be part of her family even though I came later than the others.” He growled slightly. “You keep changing the subject.”

“You keep letting me—I will remind you one last time that getting caught with a boner by a six-year-old that asks about twenty-million questions a day is probably one of the worst things you can do today because I’ll sleep with the six-year-olds instead of you.”

“You’re fiesty today, I like it,” He said, a chuckle to his voice.

“You’re persistent. Is this really that attractive to you?” You asked. “Because I could take Emma’s offer of the witch costume instead.”

“Please don’t! I like that you feel pretty in this, because you look so gorgeous in it and you look…confident and sexy, and you’re not scared of letting some of your scars show and I’m just so, so proud of you so please don’t take this away,” He murmured pleadingly, pressing his forehead to your shoulder.

You stroked your fox’s head. “Are my scars really showing?”

“The smaller ones, yeah, but I’m still really, really proud of you.” He pressed kisses along your bare shoulder. “I want you to feel confident. You’re so sexy when you’re confident.”

“You’re getting worked up again and the kids are ready to go,” You murmured pressing a kiss to his temple. “If you’re really good and the kids are sleeping peacefully, maybe we can try.”

He looked at you with an excited grin and bounced toward the kids. “Let’s go have fun!” He scooped up Nari and Kaemon and bounced out the door with them.

You looked down at Minsu, who looked up at you after looking at the suitcase the three of them were sharing. “I’ll get that, Min. Why don’t you run out and hop in the car?”

He nodded, grabbing three stuffed animals that had also been abandoned. “Monnie! Nari! Your stuffies!” He ran out the door.

“They grow up too fast,” Emma murmured.

You nodded sympathetically, flashing Jin a knowing smile before heading outside.

“I didn’t forget you, Min-min!” Hoseok said cheerfully, nuzzling up to the boy. “And there’s no possible way for me to forget Y/n!”

“You were gonna leave without us,” Minsu pouted, but you could tell it was his playful pout.

“What do you mean I’m pregnant?!” Emma’s voice carried out of the house.

“What’s wrong with mommy?” Minsu asked, looking bewildered at her incredulous tone.

“Uhhh….”

Hoseok cleared his throat. “I don’t know. Let’s let dad take care of her.” He quickly plopped Minsu into the car, making sure all three were buckled up before both of you hopped into the front seat, sharing looks a amused fear.

The rest of the evening was spent watching Hoseok, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Namjoon run the triplets until Kaemon was actively hugging onto you to prevent the older ones from sweeping him away into their activities. You didn’t mind Kae hugging onto you, though, since you knew he was one of the best sleepers. Nari was the one who usually had nightmares these days.

Kae really didn’t like trick-or-treating though, and while you were surprised, the others weren’t. Even those living in the Sanctuary seemed to know that Nari and Minsu would be trick-or-treating for their shy brother.

“No Ava tonight?” You asked Namjoon while he stood back with you at one of the houses, looking pretty tired.

“She’s not feeling well.” He took Kae since you were starting to struggle.

Six year olds aren’t nearly as light as five year olds, especially since you were pretty sure Kaemon and Minsu had each grown another two inches since the spring. They were skinny as rails, but they had definitely grown.

Nari hadn’t grown as much.

“Hoseok is looking at you a lot,” Namjoon teased.

“He’s incorrigible.”

“You’re smiling.”

“Don’t tell him. He’s very excitable today.”

“When was the last time you two…?”

You checked that Kaemon was actually asleep. “Two months?”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

“Yeah, and I think it’s actually been longer.”

“And so, obviously, he gets in the mood to do it the one night you guys have other people in the house.”

“Obviously,” You huffed, shaking your head. “If I’d know that dressing like this was all it took for him to remember that we should have a love life, I would have done it long before now.”

Namjoon laughed quietly.

Hoseok came running over, arms wrapping around you with his ears back and tail wiggling back and forth in excitement. “Hi.”

You giggled softly, reaching up and petting his head, which made him cuddle up to you more and his tail wag even more. “Silly fox.”

“Want to take you home,” He muttered, giving your neck a lick.

“Are the kids done trick-or-treating?”

“Please?” Nari said, looking exhausted from Jungkook’s arms. “I’m hungry.”

Minsu nodded, but he was still hopping with every step he took.

“Alright, let’s get back to the car and you can say goodbye to Jungkook and Namjoon, then we’ll go pick up dinner and head to the house.” You gently pushed Hoseok away, pecking his nose so that he knew you weren’t just rejecting him.

He quickly tucked back in, kissing your neck briefly before whispering. “I think that dress would look good while you ride—”

You shoved him that time. “Walk. Car. You. Maybe take of that coat, you seem a little overheated.”

He laughed, but managed to cheer up Nari and Minsu into racing him to the car, with Taehyung and Jungkook following after to make sure none of them were lost.

You shook your head, glancing at Namjoon, who was extremely amused. “Can I blame Emma and Jin?”

“Sounds good to me,” He replied, walking back to the car with you.

Hoseok had somehow re-energized the two kids with him. “Alright, now we gotta say goodbye to Jungkookie, Taehyungie, and Namjoonie.”

Nari’s smile immediately melted into a tearful face and she latched onto Jungkook’s leg. “Nooooo!”

Jungkook quickly dropped to hug her and pepper her face with kisses.

“Can’t they come with us? Please?” Minsu asked, puppy pout on full display.

Taehyung pressed his hands to his heart with a sympathetic sound.

“They can’t, Min-min. They have other plans,” Hoseok said gently, crouching beside the boy and carefully stroking the boy’s head. “I’m sure they’ll be happy to arrange a sleepover with you guys some other time.”

“Yeah! I’ll talk to Eomma!” Jungkook said bright.

Taehyung was nodding as well, hugging Minsu—who had run into his arms the moment he had crouched and opened them for the pup.

You met the gaze of your man, going closer to him. “I think you might have exhausted them too much.”

He pouted a little.

“Now we have hangry babies, we better feed them quick.”

“I’m gonna be hangry for you,” He muttered, still pouting.

You kissed his lips, then pointed toward Kaemon. “Get the sleepy one first. I’ll get Minsu.”

He nodded, taking the child from Namjoon, nuzzling Kae as the boy emitted a soft whine of displeasure at being detached from the heat source.

You crouched next to Taehyung and Minsu, rubbing the little boy’s back. “Min-min, you’ll probably see them tomorrow.”

“I want them to play tonight,” Minsu whined.

You kissed his forehead. “I know, Min, but they can’t. We’re gonna go get food, though. Hamburgers and french fries.”

He shifted. “No ‘maters.”

“Okay, we’ll make sure there are no tomatoes on your burger,” You told him gently.

He sighed and looked up at Tae.

“Yoongi-hyung, Eunyeong and I are moving closer really soon, and she’s right, I’ll see you tomorrow and we can play then,” He reassured the little one, then glanced at you. “Hey, do you want me and Kook to pick the kids up?”

“Oh, I don’t—”

“We’ll bring pizza and have lunch with you all, and then you and hobi would have the house all to yourselves.”

You glanced over at your boyfriend who was cooing lovingly at Nari as he buckled her in, the little girl crying because she was tired and wanted her “bunny-oppa”.

Jungkook was looking like he might start crying.

“Joonie?” Kaemon’s voice came out scared. “Namjoonie-hyung?!”

Namjoon hurried to the boy, hearing the distress in his voice.

You nodded. “Yeah, it might be a long night.”

As everything continued to descend into chaos, you met Hoseok’s gaze.

Jungkook tugged on your sleeve, holding Nari again. “Me and Tae can change our plans.”

You nodded. “I think you might need to. Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, the kids are more important.”

Namjoon managed to shift Kaemon over to clinging to Hoseok, gently telling the other two that he had to go and that he loved them, scenting them, and then walking away looking pained. He would definitely be checking in via phone later.

“We walked here from Jiminies, so we can ride in the back seat, if that’s okay?”

You nodded. “Alright, everyone in. Taehyung and Jungkook are coming to sleepover too.”

Hoseok looked disappointed but resigned to his fate.

It was utter chaos until all five children were tucked into the huge pile of pillows and blankets on the floor in your living room and you and Hoseok finally collapsed in your own bed.

“You knew we’d be too tired, didn’t you?” He groaned softly.

“There was a seventy-five percent chance.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Sore. We’re on the wrong sides.”

“Oh, we are. Okay. I can fix this.” He pushed himself up and crawled over to you pulling you farther over onto the bed. He then got mostly on your other side and flopped, draped over you almost completely. “Glad you suggested everyone put their pajamas on. I don’t think I could take another minute to change.”

You shifted so you could kiss him goodnight. “I’ll make it up to you tomorrow night, baby. And you’ll make up the last two months to me tomorrow night as well.”

“Two months?” He propped himself up a bit as he thought, then his eyes widened. “Oh man.”

“You’ve been neglecting me, Seok-seok,” You whispered, pecking his lips again.

He made a sound in his throat that you adored, always made you warm and fuzzy. “I think I know how to fix that.”

“Tomorrow?”

He nodded, going limp on top of you again. “Tomorrow.”

“I’ll wear the shorter dress that I bought on first,” You promised.

“You are very good to me,” He whispered. “Did you take your medicine.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. As much as I love the triplets, lets try to get everyone out by one. Then we’ll have two whole days to do as we please and you might be sore on Monday.”

“Sounds like a treat.”

---

Previous  Next

Masterlist  Series Masterpost

[moonstruckbucky]

Rant Fest

So for the past couple of months, my “in-laws” (we’ll call them that even though my SO and I aren’t married *whispers* yet) have been driving me up a wall and then some.

His mom? Super sweet, loving... but a helicopter. And I don’t mean one of those dinky little news helicopters. I’m talking full-out military style, equipped with heat-seeking missiles kind of helicopter. She hovers a lot. Calls my SO multiple times a day, for no real good reason at all except to check up on him. Mind, he’s 30 - he’s a big boy.

Things have been a little stagnant for him since he had his seizure two months ago - he’s stranded without a car (totaled in the accident) and without a license (if you have a seizure MA state law dictates you automatically surrender your license for 6 months). So he’s been getting rides from her when he needs to, or his grandmother. 

(Gonna throw a read more on this puppy. We now resume our regular scheduled dash scrolling).

Anyway. Besides the hovering, which has undoubtedly gotten worse since his accident, she gets a little too touchy with him that bothers me. Pinching his behind (again - he’s 30), and just all over him in general. I get because he’s the first born, she’s probably super attached to him - plus, he fell 15 or so feet when he was 2, so we think that’s what spurred her hovering because at the time I don’t think she was watching him; he ended up spending two weeks in the hospital after bonking his head. She doesn’t really act like this with her youngest son, who’s a year older than me at 28, but because he’s had issues with drugs/drinking in the past, she hovers over him too and clearly doesn’t trust him all that much.

Which, not that it’s my business, I have a problem with, because she isn’t giving him the chance to earn her trust back at all.

Then came Baxter, our one year old lab pup, who we got for free because we studded out our 6 year old male to a guy who’d grown up breeding coonhounds - so a responsible breeder. We took him home over Labor Day weekend last year. From the get-go she was all over us about training him, and what we should or shouldn’t do. A little note: I have my Associate’s in animal care, had to take hours of classes on dog training and behavior, so I like to think I know my shit about dogs, okay? Okay. It bothered the fuck out of me.

Cut to less than a month later, Nick’s grandmother gets out of bed in the middle of the night, takes a wrong turn and ends up falling down the stairs. Breaks her fingers on one hand and doing some other damage to her other arm.

First thing out of his mom’s mouth? “Did she trip over that dog?” I was livid. As if she couldn’t trust that we’d keep Baxter with us in his room at night - he was fast asleep when this happened. Even Nick (SO) was annoyed that she’d asked that.

Jump to this past weekend, and here’s a long background to this event.

About two months ago, Nick’s brother and his ex - not even his girlfriend anymore - decided they were going to get a puppy. Now, I think it was Jake’s idea to get the dog, and then the ex just maybe saw an opportunity to stick around, and voila, their puppy.

Who is a backyard bred pit bull puppy bred by a guy either by accidental pregnancy or because he “just wanted to try and breed his dogs”. Either way, these are key signs of an irresponsible breeder. Next sign? The fact he told them both they could take him at 5 weeks of age. When the normal age to take home dogs is 7-8 weeks. We took Bax home at 7 weeks. So not only is he missing out on crucial socialization skills such as bite inhibition and when to cool his jets with corrections from mom, but he’s incredibly small, the runt probably. And then begin the seizures. 5 week old puppy is now on anti-seizure meds - the same ones Nick is on actually.

What’s worse? Jake and his ex didn’t even pay for the fucking dog - Nick did, because Jake didn’t have the money. Makes me wonder how the fuck they’re paying vet fees for a sick dog.

You angry yet?

Jump to a few weeks later. This puppy is a fucking menace. Has zero bite inhibition and those puppy teeth are like razors. He was actually fucking vicious about it as well. Would only let you pet him so he could turn and nail you. Even. Worse? His “parents” encouraged this fucking behavior! Every time he began biting people, even if he was in someone else’s arms, “mom” would take him from them and cuddle him - thus, if you know a little about dog training, is seen as a reward by the dog. Even when I put him down on the floor when he started biting, she picked him up and cuddled him while trying to tell him “no”.

It doesn’t fucking work like that.

So you’ll understand why I get nervous as he gets bigger around Baxter. Having the reputation pits do (I don’t hate them; I just think not everyone should be allowed to own them if they’re not going to take training seriously - and even then, you can’t guarantee they won’t display some genetic aggression later in life), and I brought it to Nick. He’s convinced they’ll “be fine”, and frankly, I don’t want to take that risk because Baxter? Is a softie. He’s a wimp (sorry bubba, but you are), and he won’t stand up for himself - and I don’t want him to be in that position with another dog’s teeth in his neck, where he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. Because by the time he figures it out, he might be dead (I’m gonna cry just thinking of that possibility).

So I keep an eye on them when they play. Jump to this weekend. The whole point of this rant. Sundays are for family dinner, and the puppy usually accompanies his parents. Why the ex still comes to fucking family dinner, I have no idea - she was his plus one to his sister’s wedding, which multiple people thought was fucking weird, myself included. Anyway, our boys are blocked off from the kitchen while we eat so the puppy can roam and we can keep an eye on him.

Then after dinner we let everyone in the kitchen. Well, Hydro (the 6 year old and Baxter’s father/sire) is at the table looking for scraps (bad habit, I know) when the puppy wanders over.

Now, let me mention this: Hydro was trained and raised as a hunting dog, so while he is socialized, he isn’t a very social dog with other dogs or even strange people. When Baxter was a puppy learning about boundaries, he pushed Hydro too far, and Hydro nailed him - picked him up by the head and tossed him. Baxter was fine, but he kind of got the gist. I was concerned, but at the same time I know it’s how a dog communicates enough is enough. Baxter still pushes boundaries but he’s a jerk like that. It isn’t for lack of trying.

So, puppy wanders over to Hydro, who gives a low warning growl to tell him he’s too close, he needs to back off. Adult dogs don’t very much like puppies to begin with because they have absolutely no manners. It’s crucial in dog development for them to be able to be taught by older dogs in their own way what is right and what is wrong.

Well, puppy made a wrong move not backing off, and Hydro snarled and snapped his teeth at him. He ended up catching him on the snout. Puppy starts screaming because he probably hasn’t had a dog do this before, and it’s bedlam. Hydro ducks under the table thinking he’s going to be punished for communicating in a way the puppy will understand. “Mom” scoops up the puppy, in goddamn tears (fucking please), acting like Hydro just tried to maul him. I’m watching this whole thing happen trying not to roll my eyes at everyone losing their minds.

I feel terrible for Hydro, so I’m the only one (even Nick wasn’t assuring him he wasn’t a bad dog right away, and that dog is attached to his hip) worried about Hydro. So I give him love and attention and tell him he’s okay, he’s not a bad dog. You can’t punish a dog for communicating that he’s had enough, for setting his own boundaries - and “mom” coddling the puppy isn’t helping him either, but he did learn. He was a little nervous about Baxter approaching him, but I’m glad his instinct wasn’t to bite. Had Hydro wanted to hurt him, he would have.

The puppy has to learn - even Baxter was trying to get away from him and everyone was just letting the puppy leap at him. Now granted, I read this morning you shouldn’t do that - if your older dog is trying to get away, you need to separate them.

Anyway, the family, besides Nana and Nick, kept giving Hydro wary glances every time he entered the room in case he was going to just up and attack the puppy. Which pissed me off.

What made it worse? Nick’s mother claiming Hydro wasn’t “socialized”, and the fourth time she said it, I corrected her with, “He’s socialized just fine. The puppy has to learn that dogs have boundaries. Not all of them are going to be like Baxter.”

(Spoiler alert: he would’ve learned this had he been allowed to stay with mom those extra 3 weeks)

So I’ve come to the decision that when Nick and I move to Maine next year, the dogs are staying home, and I’ll be minimizing contact between them. I don’t trust at all that they’re going to take the puppy’s training seriously, especially for a breed that’s so stigmatized like pit bulls. 7% of the dog population and they’re  number 1 in fatalities? There’s something wrong there. 

Anyway, this is my giant rant that’s been building up.

OH, and when we move to Maine, I’m going to do a happy dance because it means Nick’s mom can’t drop in unexpectedly all the fucking time and disrupt my domestic life. I can’t wait.

Uh, yeah, so y’all asked for it and here it is. Go wild on feedback, thoughts, agreements, whatever.

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

Pt. 10 (end)

Guerin had gotten the all clear from Charlie, so she headed home with Seyoon and her newest addition, a three month old samoyed puppy that she named Eneoji. She explained to Wow that the name was inspired by HEET but it was also apparent the name was appropriate for the boundless energy contained in the body of the still growing pup.

They both played with her and Guerin gave a demonstration on the training style she would be using with her puppy by teaching her to sit. Seyoon turned out to be very lenient on his criteria for success. Within three attempts Eneoji had learned to con treats out of him for free before Guerin jokingly banned him from teaching her anything.

Eventually Eneoji went into her crate in the bedroom and fell asleep, allowing Guerin and Seyoon to rest against each other on the bed. Both of them were quiet in their own thoughts as they absently stared lovingly at the sleeping puppy.

"I'm sorry." Seyoon said finally.

Guerin looked at him, puzzled, "Why?"

"For Eunkyung. Earlier." His expression was blank with a hint of stress in the corners of his mouth.

"Oh... you don't need to be sorry for that." Guerin shrugged. He looked at her cautiously and she smiled at him reassuringly, "You didn't do anything wrong. And I can't hold you accountable for others actions."

He looked down at his hands, "I should have done more to dissuade her before it escalated."

"Did you ever give her reason to think you liked her?" Guerin asked.

He looked thoughtful, "She was one of our makeup artists. We were all friendly with her. It could have given her the wrong idea."

Guerin scoffed, "It would be unreasonable for me to expect you to not be friendly with people. If someone develops a crush on you it's on them. If they choose to act on that crush it's still on them. What can you do, go around being rude to people?"

Seyoon's expression was still blank as he looked up at her, but his lines had softened. "I expected you to be upset. I feel like I've always been told that girlfriend get upset over stuff like that."

Guerin shrugged, "I trust you. If I didn't I wouldn't date you, the doubt would be too exhausting."

He still hadn't smiled, so Guerin pulled out the big guns. "Seyoonie. Seyoonaaaah. I like you. Kim. Se. Yoon." she said in a high voice, pushing into his shoulder with balled up hands. Wow was surprised into laughter at her sudden aegyo attack and pulled her pouty face into his chest to protect himself from further attacks.

"Yaaaaa." He moaned, feigning distress, "I wasn't ready for that." He pinched her cheek.

She winked and shot finger guns at him in response, "But I like Yoonie so much."

He pushed her away, clutching at his chest and rolling to end up face down at the edge of the bed, kicking his feet and then not moving at all.

She finally broke and started laughing, climbing over to him and shaking him, "I'm sorry I'm sorry don't die please." She pulled his limp body over and he flopped along, staring vacantly at the ceiling before spazzing and feigning a seizure. She laughed and moved away from his flailing limbs until he stilled again.

"Oh noooo, I killed my boyfriend." She sighed and lay next to him, "What a shame. There was so much I still wanted to do with him."

He suddenly rolled so he was over her, grinning seductively, "What kind of things?" He asked.

She licked her lips instinctively as her chest tightened in response to his sudden proximity, betraying her attempt to seem nonchalant, "Oh... you know..." her English slipped out as her brain failed her for a moment, "Going grocery shopping. Taking a trip. Meeting each others families."

"Ah, those kinds of things." He leaned in closer, "Is that all?"

Her breath hitched and her words completely failed her. All she managed to do was shake her head.

"What else?" He asked, his tongue peeked out from the corner of his full lips as he teased her, grin still in place.

She decided words were for chumps, reaching up she pulled him down into her kissing him intensely, tangling her legs with his and pressing her body up against him as much as she could. He returned her fervor, using one of his hands to push her shirt up, exposing her bra. She took his hand and placed it on her breast encouragingly, inviting him to escalate. He broke away from her mouth kissing down from just behind her ear.

"Seyoon." She managed to gasp.

"Mm." He paused and pushed himself up to look at her.

"Do you..." she started.

"I have condoms." He stated eagerly.

She laughed as a knee jerk reaction, "Good to know, and I'm on birth control anyway. But I guess that does answer my question." She pulled her shirt off and started working on his.

"What was the question going to be?" He kept his head enough to he curious.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to have sex tonight." She smiled up at him, patting his chest, then rolling so she was straddling him.

"Yes." He went to hold her hips but she took his wrists and pinned them up by his head as she looked hungrily down at him.

"Thank god." She moved down to capture his mouth with hers.

Woojin had carted HEET to Guerin's favorite park by the Han river where they met up with Charlie. Guerin was intentionally a couple minutes late and hiding to make sure everyone was there before her, fully equipped for a playdate with Eneoji. Once she was sure everyone was there she snuck up as quickly as she could. She was about ten feet away when Charlie spotted her and gave up the ghost.

"Oh my god! Guerin what is that?" She demanded in a high pitched voice. The rest of the group turned curiously to see Guerin approaching with her new puppy. Eneoji was bounding along fluffily by Guerin with heart stopping cuteness. The reactions were varying degrees of excitement with one exception. Minhwan was surprised but looked nervous and hung back as the others surged forward.

Eneoji darted around everyone, clearly excited as they all tried to pet her. She moved so fast the ones lucky enough to touch her had brief encounters at best. Guerin hung back, watching everyone with a grin, holding the end of the long lead she had put her puppy on.

"Everyone, this Eneoji!" She said. The boys all sounded off in approval, happy to have been the inspiration behind the name.

"She must be our mascot!" Gabriel said as Eneoni had finally stopped running long enough to squirm into some enthusiastic petting from him.

Guerin laughed, "We'll see how she likes the idol life."

Everyone eventually settled to the ground, petting and playing with Eneoji. Seungbin had settled close to Guerin. He had been extra clingy with her since she had returned as their manager, she figured eventually he would feel secure enough to return to normal so she allowed it. While Eneoji flitted from person to person she did still make frequent stops to check on her new mom, often throwing herself into her lap for a few moments before getting up to play with someone else. Guerin encouraged the behavior, often cooing at her new pet, enamored with how adorable she was. What Guerin didn't notice was the increasingly sulky looks Seungbin would throw Eneoji's way each time Guerin's attention was stolen.

Guerin did notice, however, Minhwan didn't try to pet the puppy even once. One time Eneoji started to approach him and he leaned away, reaching out and grabbing Woojin's sleeve for support. Tobio managed to divert Eneoji, unintentionally saving their leader.

"Minhwanie," she got his attention, "Are you afraid of dogs?"

He looked embarrassed, "I don't... know dogs. We never had any or any friends with any."

"That's okay!" Guerin said encouragingly, "Do you want to work on it?"

He looked nervous at the thought, but Woojin then shook the arm that Minhwan was still clinging to, reminding the young man of the fearful reaction. Minhwan dropped his hand, apologizing to Woojin.

"You should try. She's very cute." Woojin suggested.

"Yeah... yeah I can. If noona is going to have her around we should at least like each other." Minhwan nodded tentatively.

Guerin began explaining as best she could in Korean about dog body language, showing how comfortable the pup was, but also showing what it looked like when someone tried to hold her paw. She then demonstrated a quick relationship building training session before asking Seungbin to try one as well so she could talk through how it went with someone Eneoji wasn't as familiar with.

Seungbin went along with it but he seemed to agree out of obligation over an actual desire to participate.

He started mimicking the training the Guerin had shown, teaching Eneoji how to respond to her name, or a sit. The puppy was so eager to work that if he took too long to ask for a behavior she would climb up onto his lap and try to give him kisses or barking and wagging her tail for attention. Seungbin's demeanor changed from annoyed to amused and finally when Eneoji ran in a circle and jumped into his lap he stopped pushing her off and instead hugged her, burying his face into her wriggling fluffy form cooing about how she was too cute.

Guerin had Minhwan try next, seated next to him. He only fed treats and offered gentle touches. He was still nervous by the end of the session but admitted he felt a little better.

"We can keep working on it. It takes time! You did really well I'm proud of you." She rubbed his head and slung an arm around his shoulder as she watched Seungbin sprinting around with Eneoji and, surprisingly, Tobio. All three seemed to have been running from Gabriel who had dramatically rolled onto the ground.

As the sun started to set the group had resettled. HEET was taking group and individual selfies with Eneoji and uploading them to SNS using Guerin's and Woojin's phones. The fandom, Joules, had a strong positive response to the puppy pictures and videos.

"Oh they're here!" Charlie perked up suddenly.

"They...?" Guerin sat up straighter and looked around.

"Yeah, I took the liberty of adding to the surprise." Charlie grinned, standing up and brushing herself off as Guerin spotted A.C.E and Minseok headed toward them in the orange light of the sunset.

"A.C.E Sunbaenim!" Byoungjin had been sitting closest to the women and overheard them. He stood up as the rest of HEET and Woojin reacted, greeting their hyungs. Tobio was holding Eneoji who had started to nap, but she woke up with the movement and recognized Wow. Scrambling out of Tobio's arms she ran over to him who automatically crouched down with arms open and a big grin, giving her energetic body scratches before squishing her face and kissing the top of her head.

Charlie had meandered over to Jun who, despite being distracted, managed to greet his girlfriend. The two groups all exchanged greetings all with a freshly revived puppy introducing herself to the newcomers.

Guerin felt her heart rate increase when she saw Seyoon, and melted at how happy he and Eneoji had been to meet again. After their night together she had to forcibly stop herself from dwelling on flashbacks. Maybe she was projecting but it seemed Jun and Charlie were having similar issues as they kept stealing glances at each other.

"Hi Noona." Seyoon had made his way to her, with his usual alluring smile in place. Chan and Byeongkwan had taken over with Eneoji for selfie time, a challenge given that she was trying very hard to kiss them both on the face any time they moved close to her.

"Hi Seyoonie." She smiled as she battled her one track mind. Guerin was offered a distraction as Minseok approached the two of them with Donghun.

"Noona, can we post our selfies with Eneoji?" Donghun asked.

"That's a question for Minseokie, isn't it?" She glanced to their manager.

"Since HEET already posted pictures with her it would make it pretty obvious that HEET and A.C.E spend unofficial time together. Kim Hyeim approved the pictures but said to ask Han Jisoo first."

"I'll text her and ask." Guerin said, pulling out her phone. She had an inkling that given Jisoo's adoration for Hyeim as well as being able to capitalize on the newly debuted group being affiliated with a successful established group like A.C.E, there wouldnt be a problem. Jisoo's response was a simple approval but Guerin knew her friend was probably secretly stoked.

Jun had the fluffy puppy up pressed against his face for a selfie with Charlie when Guerin shared the approval. The two groups got group photos and paired off for personal SNS accounts. Byoungjin and Chan, Seyoon and Seungbin, Minhwan and Jun, Gabriel and Beyongkwan and Tobio and Donghun all paired together for selfies as well.

Unfortunately as the darkness deepened Eneoji began looking more and more tired so the outing had to end.

"Oppa, do you have to go now?" Guerin overheard Charlie ask Jun. The two had separated from the group that was saying their farewells. Guerin whipped around, catching Charlie's eye. Guerin could only see a little bit of Jun's face, but his shoulders had raised slightly as he responded to the term of affection with a wide smile.

"O P P A??" Guerin mouthed at her friend, unable to resist teasing. Charlie gave a small shake to her head, which of course Jun noticed who then got to see Guerin unable to keep her chill.

"Opppaaaaaa." She wiggled her shoulders at the two of them as she cooed the nickname, "Oppayaaaa. It's dark and oppa should walk Charlie home." She pouted.

Jun looked mortified and Charlie was ready for murder, "Guerin if you don't shut your mouth right now I swear to God there won't even be a body to hide." She threatened in English.

Guerin couldnt help but laugh when she felt a familiar arm across her shoulders, looking over to see Wow as he spoke, "I think it's cute. You could call me Oppa."

Jun snorted in disbelieving laughter and Guerin scoffed, "You? Oppa? Hah. Maybe Daddy if you play your cards right." She winked as Charlie hid her face, ducking behind Jun to laugh. The commotion caused the others to look over.

"Noona? What happened?" Seungbin came over as Seyoon dropped his arm from her shoulder, ears red but grin still in place. Guerin looked into the sweet face of the fifteen year old idol.

"Ah, it's nothing. I was just teasing Wowie." She lied badly but she wasn't about to explain daddy kinks to her youngest charge.

Seungbin frowned curiously but didn't press.

Time passed, HEET had made two comebacks and were planning a third soon. Eneoji had debuted as their official mascot, often part of their promotional materials and being featured in their photo books and music videos wearing the neon yellow and white fandom colors. Tobio in particular had gotten an interest in training her with Guerin and had creative ideas about how to include her, but Seungbin and her were particularly inseparable and could often be found napping or lounging together in waiting rooms or recording studios. Minhwan had gotten much more comfortable with her but still wasn't sold on dogs as a whole. Byoungjin and Tobio had written the title track for their third EP that earned them their first win, and Gabriel had come up with the design for soon to be released lightning bolt shaped lightsticks.

Charlie had accepted a full time position at the zoo and moved into her own apartment which made things go much more smoothly for her and Jun.

Sometimes gossip articles and criticisms still cropped up about A.C.E's relationships with Charlie and Guerin, but by and large Choice and Joules supported the groups, who kept working hard, not letting their relationships get in the way of their dream. It helped that the two women were also passionately invested in their careers.

Nothing could be perfect. Guerin and Seyoon were aware that hardship was ahead, they hadn't talked about it at length, but it was looming ever closer. A few days after their one year anniversary the two of them were cuddled up with Eneoji on the couch.

"Guerin." Seyoon said suddenly after a period of comfortable silence. Guerin looked up at him, it was odd that he had chosen to use her chosen name so plainly like that. His expression was difficult to read but some of his personal tics revealed that he wasn't going to be talking about something good.

"Yes Seyoon?" She asked him, sitting up a bit to look at him more clearly, unable to help being somewhat nervous.

"We should talk about my military enlistment." He looked determined and uncomfortable as dread filled her. This explained why he had been so quiet and distracted since their anniversary celebration. "I didn't really want to think about it a lot. But I will be enlisting soon."

Guerin nodded as he spoke, nervously licking her lips and blinking, eyes feeling the strain that threatened tears. She fought to keep her expression neutral but he didn't look up at her.

A million thoughts and scenarios had been plaguing him for a while now, increasing exponentially as he reached 28 and knew he'd have to act soon. On top of the stress of being in the military he had worries about A.C.E, but they had done okay without Chan so he knew they could continue on. Additionally they had increased greatly in popularity, especially internationally. But the uncertainty lay largely in what to do with his relationship with Guerin.

"I think I'm going to enlist in the Army." He added, stalling as he suddenly felt somewhat lost.

"So, that's eighteen months right?" Guerin asked unnecessarily. She had done research and even asked Byoungjin and Woojin about their expereinces.

Seyoon nodded, "It's unlikely I'll get a lot of time to see anyone. Communication is limited too..." he trailed off. Guerin clenched her fists, "It's not fair for me to expect you to wait a year and a half."

"Kim Seyoon if you're breaking up with me I'd rather you not drag it out." Her voice broke as tears started to fall.

His eyes wide he looked at her for the first time since he had started talking. "Break up? Ya, why are you crying?" He asked in shock, "Stop, stop crying." He took her face and wiped her tears away, then pulled her against him.

"Well it sounds like it. You're scaring me." Guerin's voice was muffled as she hid her face in his shirt to disguise further tears.

"I don't want to break up with you. I just... don't want to be selfish and ask you to wait." He said as he wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back soothingly.

Guerin took a minute to compose herself before pulling away from him to respond. She took his hands and kissed each of them before she spoke, "I want you to be selfish and ask me to wait for you. I want you to ask for letters constantly. I want you to miss me and long for the days you can come back to me. I want you to fight through until you're back in my arms. I want that because that's what I want too. I don't want you to leave me at all but that's not an option so instead I want you to get through it for the future when we're together again. I know I'm going to feel all those things too and it would crush me if you found it easy to be away from me. I want you to be selfish because I am being selfish and if you are too then at least we can get through the suffering together." Her tears had started up again.

Seyoon watched her in silence for her whole speech, helping her wipe her tears as she continued. He waited a beat to make sure she had finished, moving toward her he kissed her lovingly, ignoring the dampness of her face. She returned the kiss, a little desperate from the fear she had felt about possibly losing him.

He ended the kiss slowly, then hand his forehead against hers, "I love you." He confessed. It wasn't new, they had said it to each other, but he felt the moment demanded it.

Guerin smiled and gave him a peck, tears no longer falling, "I love you too."

"When I get back, let's get married." He said suddenly. Guerin sat back in shock. Her emotions were in disarray. The past few minutes had been chaotic but she had gone from believing Seyoon was breaking up with her to this sudden proposal. Was it even a proposal?

"You want to get married when you get back?" She parroted back to him.

"We could get married before I leave, but it would be rushed. If we wait until I get back we can plan a wedding with enough time for our families to both be involved." He said sensibly.

Guerin was gobsmacked.

"I love you. Noona. Go Guerin. Paisley. I love you and I want to keep loving you forever." He said with a big smile. Guerin found it positively cute, but not in an exaggerated aegyo way that the two of them indulged in. It was genuine and pure and sweet and her heart swelled as she looked at the man that she believed to be the love of her life.

She stammered then laughed in shock, "Yes, let's do it. Let's get married."

"Now?" He asked perking up.

"No. Well. Maybe. I dont know! Let's figure it out later. Kim Seyoon I love you, I love you so much." She crashed into his arms kissing him as they laughed through the embrace. Flashes of their possible future with this weird, adorable, dedicated and handsome man went through her mind. The matrimonial thoughts inspired the two of them into a mood shift, until Eneoji awoke to the mess that was her human parents and decided to interrupt the flow by trying to join the laughing couple.

-End-

[adambstingus]

People Share 35 Hilarious Habits Their Pets Have And They’re Too Good

We’ve seen dogs being weird and pets bringing home the weirdest of items, so it’s no surprise that our closest (usually) four-legged friends can be really, really bizarre. Some say that pets can be so close to their owners, that they eventually mimic some behavior and we know anything about humans, we know that our own species can have some pretty strange habits. That’s why it doesn’t surprise anyone that pets can be a little… “out there” with their actions. Well, as long as they’re not hurting anyone, we guess? People of Reddit decided to share some of the weirdest, yet harmless habits their pets have, and, let’s be honest, some are pretty darn weird. Scroll down to check them out and don’t forget to comment, as well as vote for your favorites. Oh, and if you have some weird stories of your own, share them with other pandas! (Facebook cover image: sipa)

#1

#2

I am not allowed to get mad, If I yell, raise my voice, or even sound angry my cat pumpkin will get up from wherever she is and run over. She will then mew gently and grab at my arm with her paws while mewing. She pulls my hands to her head and rubs her head on me trying to get me to calm down. It works though so theres that.

#3

Growing up, we had a chocolate lab named Kody. Kody had a few oddities and idiosyncrasies about him. My parents are beer drinkers, and Kody would learn how to open each and every cooler we ever had so that he could eat all of the ice. That dog LOVED ice, he would eat it until he had what we called “brain freezers” or these mini little seizures (he was fine, but it was a weird habit). Another time, Kody was out pooping in the yard and we saw a bunch of cloth coming out of his butt. Turns out, it was an ace bandage that had to be surgically removed. Upon opening his stomach they found a silver dollar, a few bobby pins, the ace bandage and a billiards cue ball. Now, here’s the kicker- we didn’t own a pool table, and our closest neighbor was 5 miles away, who also did not own a pool table. We never did find out where he got that cue ball from. He lived to be 15 years old and passed away peacefully two years ago. Miss you, buddy.

#4

My dog has ‘takeaway’ every time she eats. She won’t stand at her bowl. She stuffs her mouth full of dry food and then sits near me wherever I am, spits out all her food and eats it one bit at a time. When she is finished it she repeats it all.

#5

My pet rat, Doctor, likes to poop when she is hanging from the bars of her cage and making eye contact with me or my fiancee.

She knows it makes us uncomfortable. She don’t care.

#6

My cat likes to shower with me. He will sit and drink the water as it runs until i use shower gel, then he will sit on the edge silently judging me for contaminating our lord water.

#7

I have a giant Maine-coon Siamese mix tomcat. His thing is to bring up laundry from the basement during the night. The weird thing is that he’s pretty good at taking clothes into the right rooms. I don’t know if he does it by smell or what – but it’s pretty normal for me to wake up to a pile of my socks, my daughters some of theirs, etc. He also chirps and meows the entire time he’s making his deliveries – which is pretty funny in and of itself.

#8

My dog can’t go anywhere without his toy. My girlfriend calls it his “girlfriend”. If we go outside he will bring the little stuffed animal with him and drop it somewhere. If we tell him to “go find your girlfriend” he will search frantically for it until it’s found.

#9

#10

My boyfriends cat loves to snuggle up on people’s chests and then slooowly and veeery gently place her paw (with claws out and toes spread) and just .. place it on their mouth.

Does anyone know what the heck she’s trying to get out of this?

#11

My dog can sense when I’m about to fart and will stick his nose near my ass crack to smell it and then run away in disgust after. I have no idea why he continues to do it when it clearly annoys him

#12

#13

My lardass cat has this weird cake infatuation. (Ha ha I know). Not to eat. She likes to lay on them. I can’t count how many cooling cakes I had to throw out because she decided to take a nap on them. I have to hide them somewhere to cool and frost. I also had to buy a solid cake saver because she would lay on my old one and crush the lid into the cake.

My favorite was when my son turned one, we had the unwrapped cake sitting on the counter waiting for cake time, and she tried to lay in it. When I came in to get it all the frosting is pulled off in the center and one pissed off frosting covered cat under my bed.

Yet she still does it.

#14

We have a Great Dane/greyhound mix named Keelah who, on occasion, absolutely must sniff my boyfriend’s belly button. I’ve never seen a dog get so derpy about it before. She’ll jump up and put her paws on his shoulder and stick her nose in his stomach until he gives in and pulls his shirt up so she can sniff. She’s really, really weird.

#15

Our cat pulls my dresser drawer open and sleeps in the socks after he arranges them into a cozy “cat bed” for himself.

#16

Our golden retriever has 3 comfort blankets that he folds and carries around with him.

#17

My SO’s dog, Lola, farts when we enter the car.

Everytime.

#18

My best friend’s kitten (to whom I am a kitten aunt by proxy) has a new habit of running down the stairs at top speed and launching himself onto the sofa.

She swears he’s either going to kill her with a heart attack or he’s going to f**king miss the sofa and go claws-first into her face, and she’s not sure which.

#19

My dog smiles whenever he wants something. He started showing his teeth when he got excited to see us after long periods of times (i.e. vacations) and we would say “What a pretty smile!” He made the connection to the word and now will do it on command and pretty much whenever he wants our food. Kind of like a “hey look I’m smiling, I’m pretty!” Some people probably think it’s bad that he does it because he’s technically showing his teeth, but you can tell it’s not aggressive or in a bad way. I think it’s hilarious.

#20

My cat loves to watch the toilet flush for some reason – he would even come running from other rooms in his house at the sound of a flush when he was younger. I guess it’s mostly harmless, but I have found toys in the toilet before the lid down rule was put in place (my assumption is so that he can watch them zoom around too).

#21

You know how cats, especially kittens will “nurse” on things? Like knead their paws and suck on something like a blanket?

Yeah, my 10 year old dog does that.

#22

My cat chews through bags to eat bread. Doesn’t matter the container or the type of bread. And because he drools he can dissolve any kind of paper bag in a minute. It’s bizarre but he was a stray so I figure he used to do that to survive.

#23

My cat licks walls. often for 10 minute intervals. i wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of his sandpaper tongue scritch-scratching at the wall.

#24

My cat used to sit on my couch, like a person would with her 2 back legs outstretched in front of her, and then proceed to bend down and suck on her own nipples while purring very loudly. It was weird.

#25

My parrot is obsessed with ears. He will happily spend 15-20 minutes delicately nibbling on the rim of my ear, carefully scraping his beak around the inside, and licking all over. Last time I saw my doctor for a physical and she got to the otoscope part of the exam, she exclaimed, “Wow, your ears are remarkably clean!” Gee, I wonder why…

#26

My chihuahua sneaks to her water dish. We have no idea why. She does this almost every day at varied times. If her water is dirty or if the dish is empty she will keep sneaking until the situation is fixed.

#27

#28

We don’t have pets in the main country the Netherlands where we reside but we got a ton of them in my fathers country Russia. We own a big piece of ground and a forest, with 23 white Russian wolves and 3 Caucasian owcharkas. The wolves have some weird habits and one of them is that they greet each other and their pups by friendly biting them in their neck, it still that scares the shit out of guests and relatives that we usually have over.

#29

After I take a shower, my collie mix insists on rolling in my towels.

When I have the towel on my head and I’m laying down.. He tries to roll in it.

If I’m sitting with the towel on my head, he tries to roll in it.

Then when I inevitability throw them on the floor he has a field day.

#30

My cat would be happy with his eyes closed purring and layed down my side and then suddenly look in the direction of the corner of the room with his eyes completely open. When I look there’s nothing there. It’s scary

#31

My German shepherd is a hoarder. He has a hiding spot behind a chair and underneath a table, and he’s been building a stash that we have to go in every week or so and clean out. Usually it’s just wrappers and random s**t he “sneaks” out of our trash cans. This last weeks clean out consisted of 3 of my oven mitts and a pudding cup. He doesn’t chew on anything, he just likes to have stuff.

#32

She stares at me while I sleep. From 3″ away. When I open my eyes all I see are these huge solid black eyes in a weirdly diagonal white face.

I wake up convinced that I have been abducted by aliens.

#33

One of our cats will climb up onto the back of our couch while we’re watching a movie or something and loudly clean his butthole.

#34

My dog does this little boner dance whenever he has a boner. He slides across the floor and humps the air rapidly until his doggy-boner goes down.

#35

My cat swats/punches his water dish a few times before drinking it. It splashes everywhere. No clue why.

Just thought of something else! He is long haired floofy cat (peach/blondie), and we have a fuzzy blanket similarly coloured. My cat often licks it to clean it, mistaking it for himself.

My cat talks to herself if she thinks no one is around. I’ll come home or go to a side of the house that I haven’t been in all day and hear her meowing and chirping and howling. Once she realizes I’m there, she’ll stop. I’ve been able to sneak up on her a couple of times and it’s pretty bizarre to watch. She’ll just be walking around the room making sounds. She doesn’t do it that often. I wish I could catch it on video

#37

Step 1: Drop the tennis ball into my hand so I can throw it across the room for him to fetch

Step 2: Retrieve the tennis ball and start gnawing on it with his head halfway under the couch

Step 3: Drop the ball and have it roll to an unreachable distance under the couch

Step 4: Stare at me and moan loudly until I am convinced to walk over to the couch the ball is under and lay on the floor, struggling to reach far enough. Eventually I just lift the couch so he can get far enough underneath it to grab the ball back

Repeat incessantly

#38

My cat “nurses” on a blanket we have. But only if the blanket is on me. It’s like the little f**ker actually thinks I am his mother. He’s strange. He also likes to play fetch and attack people who come over to visit. Weirdo.

#39

My cat will sit in the bathtub for hours and meow at passersby to turn the water on for him. Then when someone finally gives in, he will splash around for about a minute and then go drag his big wet furry feet over someone/my pillow.

Every morning he will excitedly hang over the edge of the bathtub, waiting for me to turn on the shower. Once I do, it takes him about two seconds to realise what’s going on, and then he panics and scrambles as fast as he can out of the tub.

Weirdo.

#40

My cat nurses on his own tail. He will creepily come up and lay really close to you, curl in a ball, and start sucking away at the end of his tail. Sometimes he’ll even look you in the eye while he does it.

I know it’s a comfort thing to him, I found him alone when he was just a baby, but it’s a pretty weird thing to do.

#41

My cat Miles will run to the other side of the house and meow to his brother Murphy. You can tell it’s a “Hey!! Come check this out!” and he’ll keep doing it until Murphy finally gets up and goes to look. Sometimes though, Murphy says eff that and stays where he is, leaving Miles to meow at nothing for like an hour. Finally he’ll show up and look at Murphy like, “Didn’t you hear me!!?” No but we did!

#42

My male cat likes to stand in the corner, face the wall, and sing the song of his people. My female kitten likes to meow at me and then hide when I walk over to pet her. She’s a jerk.

#43

My friend has a really bizarre cat, she loves to be spanked. She will lie down with her butt in the air for people to pat her right above the tail. The harder the better.

She also loves to be spun around on an office chair, she jumps up on the back of it and holds on with her claws to be spun around. Spinning + smacking her butt every time she passes = kitty bliss.

My rat loved snot and would grab all my used tissues to lick inside them.

#44

My pit asks for permission every night before getting in bed with us. We have never told him to stay off of furniture, but he always asks. He does that weird howl/growl/bark thing that “talking” dogs do.

#45

My cat, O’Malley, will always smell a new person’s shoes when I bring people over. When he is finished, he looks over at me and makes a stupid face.

#46

Not sure if this counts but my snake falls off of everything. Put him around your neck he falls off. He falls while trying to climb up or down my chair, desk, and always plops off my bed if I am not watching him. He will even get excited smelling something so he will point his head straight up and extend his body up until he falls backwards belly up. Will also do this while swallowing his food.

#47

One of my three cats is a monster. He is kinda fat but stocky/muscular too. He is 6 and weighs about 20 pounds.

Anyways, he will lick plastic bags. We are always afraid he will suffocate himself because he will stick his head down inside the bag and lick for as long as we’ll let him.

He also steals paper clips. My mom was working on her doctorate and she had mountains of papers and a lot of paperclips on them. The crazy cat would dig through all of the papers and pull off the paper clips with his teeth. And he hid them all under the rug that was under the couch so we couldn’t see them.

And he plays very rough. We found out the hard way that he enjoys being spanked. We caught him fighting another cat and gave him a tap on the behind to get him to stop, and he fell on the floor and started purring. And when I scratch his chin, he isn’t happy until I scratch as hard as I physically can, to the point where I think I’m gonna dig up all of his fur.

#48

She won’t eat unless both my husband and I are seated in the family room watching TV. It’s pretty inconvenient on busy days.

#49

My dog (a husky) will make a gap in his food with his snout, then will yowl at the nearest human like he’s hungry and there’s no food in the bowl, until you pick his bowl up, shake the gap out and put it back down again. He will eat it then!

#50

My cat licks people…all the time and all over. It’s odd when you wake up in the middle of the night being licked and realize it’s not the dog doing it.

#51

My Australian Shepherd likes to sneeze in the clean laundry as it comes out of the dryer. It has turned into a two person job to get laundry done without dog sneezes on it. One to distract the dog and the other to hustle the laundry into the basket and to safety.

#52

Anytime we Hoover a carpet my Jack Russell has to ‘swim’ all over it, because God forbid it not have his fur on it

Also, he regularly sneakily drinks our cups of tea.

#53

My male dog licks my female dogs cooch after she pees, then his lips and jaw quiver as he drools. Freakin weirdo.

#54

My cat is afraid of the dishwasher, I guess. Not the sound of the dishwasher running, the sound of me taking s**t out of it and putting it away. He is mostly silent, maybe a welcome meep when I get home. But the dishwasher…man. Mayhem. It’s been seven years and he still freaks the f**k out every single time.

#55

My English bulldog Shelby will sit with her back to me and try and look at me upside down by leaning back until she falls down. She does the same thing in the car. I thought it might be vertigo but she just really seems to enjoy it.

#56

When I’m away from my husky for more than about eight hours she will likely howl at me and make a big deal, like she’s cussing me out.

#57

Run run run, locks up front legs slide slide slide, roll roll roll. How does she not break her neck?

#58

My pancho gets super worked up and then immediately thinks he needs to drink water. This usually results in him coughing up any water he just drank and freaking out about coughing.

My sisters mastiff likes to sit down next to your leg and lean on your leg and stare at you but he’s so heavy he often pushes people over with his lean.

#59

One of my cats likes to get in the lower branches of bushes (and the Christmas tree, as it turns out) and just chill. Just sit there in the branches, eight inches off the ground.

#60

My cat likes hair ties. He swallowed one once and he proceeded to prance around the living room with the rubber piece hanging out of his asshole. I now have to hide them all so I’m not paying for surgery on his dumb ass.

My dogs also go around licking each other’s assholes and the cats assholes. They also won’t sleep unless they are buried under a blanket.

My female cat rubs her head on EVERYTHING and has a weird fascination with doing this on shoes.

#61

My cat Wookie has an intense love of the bathroom. He will lay on the edge of the bathtub while I take a bath, will sit on the bathmat and watch us shower, and loves the toilet. He loves to watch it flush, likes to watch my husband pee (has gotten pee on his head from trying to watch from the wrong angle) and likes to try to pull toilet paper up out of the toilet while it is flushing, which is pretty gross. Weird cat.

#62

Not mine but my SO’s dog, Bacon… Cannot poop unless he is backed up against something.

When we first started dating I used to get to his apartment before he got off work so I would take the dog for a walk. Like any male Bacon must pee on everything to ensure its his. Which meant sometimes I didn’t realize that he wasn’t sniffing the same place to pee but to find the prefect article in which to place his butt against and would tug him along and ruin the whole process… Which meant about five minutes of the behavior or him deciding to hold it.

#63

My dog likes to eat beaded jewelry. I shouldn’t say eat, he sucks on it until it comes apart, and then he abandons it and acts innocent.

#64

My dog take his blankey or his bed and will suck on it with his eyes closed. We assume he thinks he’s nursing. He also occasionally humps his bed before sucking on it. Harmless but weird as s**t.

#65

My GF’s cat poops in the litterbox, then immediately tries to cover it by making digging motions on the floor/wall next to the litterbox. Never inside. Not sure if dumb or just a c**t.

#66

My Doberman likes to climb up in bed with my SO and I, and just stare at us while standing over one of us.

#67

#68

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/people-share-35-hilarious-habits-their-pets-have-and-theyre-too-good/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183958094802