#oh yeah lip balm tends to have flavour in it

[celestiachan]

forever insane about how cream blush, lipstick, lip balm, cream foundation, and stick eyeshadow are all marketed as different things. all they do is take wax (usually multiple kinds). oil (usually multiple kinds). and in the case of stuff that isn't most lip balm, colour (usually multiple). they melt it down. mix it together. pour it into a tube. sell it to you for 85 times the price it took for them to make it. sometimes they add other stuff like shea butter or silica. that is it

[doukeshi-kun]

Haiii ^-^☆ cute face annon (ִ•᷄‎ࡇ•᷅) here!!

I wanted to share some cute and not so cute hcs that I have of our muse (Nikolai) :3

I talked a lot about him with curly or wavy hair and hzoakabsks I'm crazy about this hc!!!!! I love it when artists draw him with his hair like this and not with straight licked hair full of straightening

Nikolai would definitely be MUSCULAR imagine him having a chiseled body but not that much but enough to have defined abs and booba (🤤) I also think his thighs also have some muscles too duuhh and i fantasize a lot about him having a big ass...

OH OH AND HE ALSO HAS SLIGHTLY SPLIT TEETH!!! IT MUST BE SO CUTE HIM LAUGHING AND SMILING LIKE AN INSANE MANIAC AND THEN HAS 2 TEETH SEPARATED IN FRONT SAYING 'HAIII >.<' AND AND THEY ARE HXISJSBAOA CUTIES !!! Obviously it wouldn't be something that separate, but just a little bit that doesn't harm our boy.

he also has several scars all over his body and I think that in addition to the scar on his eye he has a small one on his mouth.. and the skin on his face is smooth and soft, I think he would have some small acne scars and small pores near the nose, but nothing that is frightening !!!

the hairs that grow on his body are white like his hair and are slightly curly, but they are not thick and not in great quantity, he has a little on his arms and legs, on his chest and a happy trail that goes from his navel to his glock, but he always trims them, but they're a charm too...

idk why but i think he would wear lip gloss or mascara...

he came from a poor family but I don't think he had mommy/daddy issues, it was a happy family until something happened, obviously. I also think that everyone in his family is beautiful, mainly his mom, his mother must have such big tits...

i think it would be wrong for me to hcs that he is neurodivergent because some people might think i'm 'romanticizing' or something, but for me he definitely has adhd and something like borderline...

more hcs soon (＞。☆) ~

first, about the hair — yeah i agree his hair isn't fully straight. i mean, the man isn't straight himself so🤷🏻‍♀️ and i find messy hair suits him and men more bcs they look sexy ehe

i don't think nikolai is muscular as fuck like toji ehgehehs but he does have refined muscles. not too obvious and not too subtle. it's there and firm. but i think his upper body is smaller than his lower half. like man got thighs. MAN GOT DEM THIGHS. HE CLENCHES HIS BALLS WITH HIS THIGHS WHEN HE SITS

and his ass will look square. idk dude's asses always look square asf. we can do pythagoras theorem on their asses

i think he has sharp canine teeth too. would look cuter.

and i agree with the acne scars hsgdhshs maybe not too obvious bcs i believe nikolai likes to make sure he looks clean as much as possible. maybe the area around his right eye is cleaner than any of the part on his face because he tends to cover it with his eyepatch.

HAPPY TRAIL hsgshshdjs nikolai's happy trail makes everyone happy <3 and yeh i don't think he shaves his body hair 100% smooth. he just trims it. maybe braids it too if he's feeling goofy

i don't think he wears mascara. but lip balm and lip gloss is likely. i think he likes the taste of flavoured lip gloss and sometimes he unconsciously licks his lips when he wears it (no i am NOT projecting😤)

he doesn't look like someone who has mommy/daddy issues, yeah. i do think he comes from poor family or at least, a family with unfortunate situation. i am not sure if his family is loving, but it's a nice possibility! not every morally grey character needs tragic family to justify their action and i think it will be beautiful regardless to his character if it's revealed that he suddenly feels living is brainwashing and decides to murder people to prove himself

and idk bout his mom uh you do you ig

i'm not sure he's neurodivergent. i don't wanna say something about the topic bcs i am not neurodivergent (or maybe i am idfk bro i don't go to doctors, i believe in warm lemon tea and ointment oil to cure flu so)

[jjmaebank]

Amnesia - JJ Maybank

a/n: this is based off the classic song Amnesia by 5sos, I'm sorry but I'm acc tempted to write so many more purely based on 5sos songs cuz there r so many GEMS. this one’s just a classic and this album reminds me of my childhood jfskk

LISTEN TO THE SONG WHILE READING (if you want lol)

Flashbacks are in italics!!

warnings: sad :((

Words: 2.8k

[GIF NOT MINE CREDIT TO OWNER]

+

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted

JJ would drive by the beach every day just to get a glimpse at your special spot through the car window. When you first left he would sit there for hours, running his fingers through the sand that the two of you would lie on as you stared at the stars. He would sit there for hours hoping that maybe if he stayed there long enough you would appear next to him. He would sit there remembering the countless times you spent getting wasted and talking about stupid things.

“Don’t you think that there are enough cows in the world for them to coordinate a mass uprising against the meat industry?” You asked as you stared up at the star scattered sky.

JJ chuckled as he stared at you with absolute adoration.

“Babe, cows aren’t humans...they can’t coordinate a global rebellion,” he laughed, his eyes never leaving your face as you scrunched up your nose in protest.

“But they did it in Animal Farm,” you pouted, the alcohol had really clouded your logic.

“What the hell is Animal Farm?” JJ asked, still smiling at your passion for social justice.

“Oh, I forgot you don’t read,” you teased, turning your head to meet his gaze.

JJ rolled his eyes and began to tickle you in response causing you to erupt into fits of giggles.

“Why would I read when I have you to give me in depth summaries of every book in the world,” he smirked, continuing to tickle you.

Your laughter. It hurt him to even remember the sound, but every time he cracked a joke with the pogues he wished he could hear it again. He wished he could watch the way your dimples showed and your eyes crinkled as you burst into a fit of laugher. He wished he could watch the way one of his jokes sent you into hysterics to the point you were holding your stomach, to the point you were out of breath. But he also wished he could forget.

I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, the way you tasted.

Your last kiss. It was breathtaking. You’d spent the whole day out on the water  with the pogues, swimming, snorkelling, soaking up the sun. JJ remembered this day as one of the most epic days of pogue history; it was the last time you were all together as one, as one big happy family. He remembered the overwhelming feeling of pride he had as he watched you beat Pope in a shotgunning challenge.

“That’s my girl!” He yelled as you downed the beer and smashed the can down on the boat as Pope continued struggling with his.

You smiled and hopped on his lap, giving him a quick peck as you celebrated being the coolest girlfriend anyone could ever have.

You were his soulmate, or that’s what it felt like, for him at least.

He remembered walking you back to your house on The Cut that night, your fingers interlaced as your hands swung with your steps.

“Today was amazing,” you smiled, masking a sadness that JJ hadn’t noticed at the time.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” JJ smiled, tracing small patterns on your right cheek with his thumb.

You leaned into his touch, knowing it would be one of the last you experienced, but you didn’t want to spoil this perfect moment.

JJ leaned in, connecting his lips with yours in a soft yet passionate kiss. But you immediately grabbed him and brought him closer, increasing the intensity of the kiss knowing it might be your last. Your lips tasted like your strawberry flavoured lip balm, but with a slightly salty tang from the sea, and he loved it.

Your lips glided against each other in such harmony it was as if everything about the two of you was meant to be. Your fingers ran through his locks of blonde hair, tugging at the nape of his neck. He responded by hooking his fingers in the loops of your jean shorts and pulling you against him.

Eventually, you pushed yourself away from him gently and smiled.

“Goodnight, babe,” you smiled.

“I love you (Y/N),” JJ whispered into your hair as he pulled you in for a hug, not knowing that his words had almost made you cry into his shirt.

“I love you too, JJ Maybank,” you responded, knowing it would probably be the last time he believed you when you said it.

And even though your friends tell me you’re doing fine Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he’s right beside you?

It had been a year; a whole year since you’d left. You’d come back to the Outer Banks a few times during the holidays to visit your parents, but you’d never once gone to see him. You had a new boyfriend. JJ had seen him a few times the one time you brought him home with you. He knew he was biased but he didn't like the look of him, he reminded him of Rafe Cameron and he couldn't comprehend why you’d done what you did just to end up with him.

JJ would watch you from afar, making awkward eye contact whenever you ran into him at The Wreck, but neither of you had the courage to say anything. It had been a year but JJ could still read your emotions from a mile away. You looked lonely, abandoned, lost. At least that was what he kept telling himself like a mantra to stop him from breaking down or punching something every time he saw you.

However, he would ask Kie how you were every time you left and she would be brutally honest and tell him you seemed like you were doing fine. And every time he heard those words it would break him a little bit more.

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you? Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cause I’m not fine at all.

JJ remembered the first time he heard him talk to you like that, like you were nothing. You’d accidentally spilt your drink on him at the Wreck and you’d started laughing about it as you would’ve with JJ.

“What the fuck!” He yelled.

“Babe, it’s just soda,” you giggled.

“Yeah and it’s gonna stain my new fucking shirt,” he growled, “god you’re so fucking clumsy.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes, but JJ knew that his words had more effect than you lead on.

JJ had stood up from his chair to go confront the asshole but John B grabbed him by his shirt and sat him back down.

“Don’t, JJ...” John B said sadly, knowing it hurt his best friend to see the girl he loved with someone else, but he knew that if he involved himself with you right now it would only hurt him more.

JJ would lay in his bed and wonder how it was possible that you could be so...normal, so okay, so fine. It made his heart ache as he realised what the two of you had must have been a complete and utter lie. There was no way you could just forget about what the two of you had unless it never meant anything to you in the first place.

He would go through periods of hating you, punching the walls in his room and screaming as he convinced himself you’d lied to him the whole time. His life at home hadn't got any better, but at least he could say his father’s punches didn't hurt anymore. The pain was nothing compared to the hole you’d left in his heart. He would take a thousand beatings if it meant he could have you back. But you were fine, and he was far from it.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving I remember the make-up running down your face And the dreams you left behind you didn’t need them Like every single wish we ever made

JJ would replay the moment you left over and over again, trying to fathom how you could have done such a thing to him, the person you claimed to love most.

JJ heard a knock at his door. His dad wasn’t home, but he could come back at any moment, so naturally he was concerned as to why anyone would come see him when he was the one trying to escape this household.

“(Y/N)?” JJ asked, confused as to why you were stood on his porch. “What are you doing here? You know it’s not safe.”

The concern that laced his voice made your heart break as you dreaded what was about to escape your mouth.

“We need to talk...” you replied sadly.

JJ’s heart rate went up. Those words never lead to anything good. He observed your facial expression but you were stoic, the only hint to how distraught you were being the faint dark circles under your eyes that showed you hadn't slept. And you hadn’t. Not a wink.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” JJ asked, the concern in his voice even more evident, except his concern had shifted from your safety to whatever you were about to tell him.

“I-I have to tell you something,” you confessed.

JJ ushered you into his room and sat you down on the edge of his bed, sitting down by your side.

“What is it? You can tell me anything,” JJ continued, being the loving boyfriend that he was.

He had no idea what was coming for him.

“I’m...I’m leaving, JJ,” you sighed, your voice shaking as you feared his response. He tended to lash out when his emotions got the best of him.

“Leaving? What do you mean? Like for a bit?” JJ spouted questions, hope still laced in his voice.

“No, JJ...for quite a while,” you said, the tears that you were holding back finally escaping.

JJ’s eyes widened, his hands balled up into fists.

“W-what?” He choked, tears of his own brimmed his eyes.

“I got this amazing opportunity to study in Europe,” you continued. “I know I’d planned on going to UNC Chapel Hill so I’d be closer to home but I applied for their semester abroad programme not thinking I’d actually get it.”

At this point you were speaking too fast for JJ to even comprehend what you were saying. In fact, he wouldn't have been able to even if you’d spoken slowly.

“A semester, that’s not long?” JJ asked, some hope resurfacing.

“I know and that’s why I applied for a semester but they said they can only offer me the year abroad programme...” you explained, crushing his remaining hope.

“And you’re taking it?” JJ asked angrily, the skin on his knuckles going white from how hard he was clenching his fists.

“J...I have to...you know it’s my dream to study in Paris,” you said, going to rest your hand on his.

He pulled away from your touch instantly, causing your heart to sink.

“How long have you known?” He asked, looking down at the floor.

“Not that lon-” you started before JJ stood up angrily.

“How goddamn long, (Y/N)!” He yelled, looking down at you.

“3 months,” you whispered, letting another tear fall down your cheek.

All you wanted in this moment was for JJ to wipe your tears gently and caress you, hold you, but he couldn't even look at you right now, let alone touch you.

“3 fucking months?!” He yelled, his rage consuming him and anger clouding his vision.

He immediately turned to his wall and punched it with all his force causing a deafening cracking noise.

“JJ your hand!” You exclaimed as you stood up, knowing that was the sound of a bone or two breaking.

“I don't give a shit about my hand right now, (Y/N)!” He turned around to face you.

His eyes had gone dark and his lip was trembling. You did this, and you hated yourself for it.

“How could you keep this from me for 3 months?” JJ’s voice cracked, his own tears finally escaping.

You went to wipe them but again, he flinched away from your touch.

“I wanted this summer to be great, epic even! And it was, JJ it was... like yesterday on the boat, that was one of the best days of my life! I didn’t want it to be ruined by the fact I was leaving,” you cried, your mascara starting to run down your face.

“But it was all a fucking lie, (Y/N)! You do realise that right?” JJ continued shouting, this time tugging at his hair angrily as he paced around his room. It broke you to see him like this but you were the only one to blame.

“Don’t say that J...that’s not true...”

“You don’t get to say that! You knew you were spending your last moments with us, with me. I didn’t!” He yelled, glaring at you. And for the first time ever he looked at you with what looked like resentment, hate.

“Did you just expect me to be fine with this, with you just dropping this on me out of the blue?” He continued.

“No, I didn’t,” you whispered, “but I didn’t want our last summer to have an expiration date on it you know...”

“That is so unbelievably selfish, (Y/N),” JJ stated, his words cutting like knives.

“You’re fucking SELFISH,” he continued, causing more tears to pour down your face.

“JJ please don’t say that...I did this for us, so you could remember us happily!” You sobbed.

“Well you did an excellent job at that, well done,” JJ laughed sarcastically, clapping his hands in a fake applause, “because this isn’t sad at all right?!”

“J-” you started, your whole body shaking at this point.

“No,” he said, “just get out.”

“What?” You whispered, looking at the boy you loved who couldn't even look you in the eyes for more than a second.

“I said get out,” he repeated.

“JJ please, I don’t want us to end like this!” You pleaded, your throat closing up feeling as though it was wrapped in barbed wire.

“I said GET OUT!” He yelled, tears streaming down his face, his voice coated in pain. He hated how he was acting towards you and he knew he’d regret it but he couldn’t look at you. He didn't want to hear your voice right now.

You nodded sadly, wiping your tears, your mascara now smeared on your face and coating your fingers.

“I love you...” you said gently.

You waited a moment to see if he would respond, but he remained silent, refusing to look at you. You sighed in defeat before walking out of his room and out of his life.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia And forget about the stupid little things Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you And the memories I never can escape

‘Cause I’m not fine at all

That day was scarred into JJ’s mind. There was nothing he regretted more than the way he had acted. He still didn’t understand why you’d hidden it, he would’ve been upset at first, but ultimately he would’ve cherished every day with you even more. But he knew you weren’t selfish, and he knew you didn't mean to hurt him. You were trying to protect him and your last moments together. He still thought you’d gone about it the wrong way and in some ways you did too, but what was done was done. He simply wished he’d had the self control to keep himself from saying the things he did, and to say the things he didn’t.

He never told you he loved you back. That was his biggest regret. He never said goodbye. That was his next regret. You’d left for Paris two weeks after you told him about your year abroad programme there. Two weeks. He could’ve spent every minute of those last two weeks with you, but instead he spent it alone, avoiding you at all costs. His pride stopping him from apologising and his pain stopping him from being around you at all.

It hurt him so much that you’d ended that way, and as much as he wanted to put the blame on you, he knew he played a part in it too. But it was too late to reverse the damage. All he longed for now was to forget. He’d spent a year hoping you would come back and hoping you could go back to being JJ and (Y/N), the power couple of the Outer Banks. But when you came back with him, he realised it was too little too late.

All there was left to do was erase you from his memory.

+

A/N: holy shit that made me SAD, amnesia is my cry song. FUCKSJF I'm sorry, but like at the same time I'm not cuz like I'm kinda proud of this

tagging some lovely people: @maybe-maybanks , @baby-bearie , @obx-sos , @drewtruly , @drewstarkey , @spilledtee , @thelocalpogue , @heliopvth , @jmaybank , @ruelstyles , @jjmaybanky , @jjmayibeyoursbanks , @jjmayspanks , @ceruleanjj