#ok but now that I think about it Yanfei and Heizou remind me of me and my best friend irl

[tea-twords]

Yanfei and Heizou thing I'm writing on a whim

Got the idea from @tartartartarsauce so thank you so much for it

Pairing: Yanfei and Shikanoin Heizou

Lee: Heizou

Ler: Yanfei

---------------------------------------------

"Ah, Yanfei, I think that's it over there."

"Hm? Oh, I see it now."

The Inazuman Detective and Liyuean (what's the word help) Legal advisor had taken a case from an ore-merchant, who had been attacked by treasure hoarders on his way from the Chasm to Liyue

They were walking around in Lisha, sticking to the path but also wandering around it in order to find the camp that the merchant reported seeing as well.

Heizou never failed to impress Yanfei. Even from when Aether and Amber (they are a duo in my book shut up) first introduced him to the team a month ago, he grabbed her attention when Aether mentioned his being the "best detective in Inazuma". And he's surely lived up to that title.

They discovered they work exceptionally well with eachother, both in mirroring professions and on the battlefield, which they both tend to want to avoid.

"Yeah, down there by that lake. It doesn't look like anybody's there though." Heizou said, pointing to where he was talking about.

"Judging by the lack of supplies and the footprints in the sand, they probably left not too long ago." She observed.

"Exactly my thoughts."

They stepped down by the lake to where the now-abandoned camp was.

"Heizou, look by those crates for anything they could have left behind." She pointed. "I'll look by these."

"Don't have to tell me twice..."

It wasn't long before Heizou discovered something very interesting in one of the crates, and began to tell Yanfei about it.

"Hey Yanfei, come over here for a sec?"

The half-adeptus stood up from where she was crouching and walked over to where Heizou was standing.

He looked over to her, slightly glad that they made a discovery so quickly, Burt some part of him, just...wasn't ready? He knew he was always efficient at what he did, but for some reason...he wanted this to last just a little longer."

"...Yanfei...I think my intuition may be telling me something."

Now normally, Yanfei wouldn't take a statement like this too seriously. But after knowing Heizou for a while, one tends to realize that his intuition really does tend to be correct.

"Really? What's it saying?"

"Hmmm..." he pretended to be lost in thought for a minute, with Yanfei waiting patiently.

This will be fun~

"...Heizou? You alright there?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just need to think it through for a minute..."

"Oh, sure. Take your time."

Mgh... Thought Heizou as he pretended to contemplate his ideas. He's known Yanfei for a bit, too. She's pretty patient...to get her to crack, he'd probably have to be a biiiit more obvious...

"Ah! I've got it!"

"What are you thinking?" She asked, a little excited."

"Welllllll..."

"Huh?"

"Ehhh, it's probably not too important. Lets just ke-"

"Woah woah woah."

Aaaand he's got her.

"You can just drag it out like and and then dismiss it with an "It's not important" (mocking Heizou voice-wise) line and expect me to just accept it and move on! You gotta tell me!"

"Do I really have to, though...?" He said, knowing damn well what he's doing, looking up at the sky all innocent-like, with that slight-smug little smirk on his face.

"Oh, now you've done it." Yanfei said, a half hearted angry face put on as she marched towards him, finally giving him the reaction he so desired out of her.

"Ooh, what's Ms. Lawyer gonna do to m-WAH-!" He suddenly shrieked, "not expecting" Yanfei to latch her hands on his waist and start squeezing rapidly.

"Mwah? Oh, (in a professional-mocking voice) Mr. Shikanoin, this is a ✨professional relationship✨, we certainly can't have any of that nonsense in this."

"Nohohoho, at leheheast sahahave that for Aehether and Ahahamber!"

"Eh, fair point, I'll give you that one." Said Yanfei playing along, but not letting up on the side squeezes.

"Buhuhuhut whyyyyy?" Heizou whined, knowing why but wanting to instigate her further for the fun of it, despite his tickly situation as a result.

"Why? Well, you won't tell me what your expert intuition is telling you to help US, and you're just being a brat! So how about it, gonna tell me what you were gonna say now?" Threatened Yanfei, adding a quick claw to the ribs before switching back to the torturous side squeezes.

"EEE-!" Heizou let his knees give out after that, and he was now laying on his back with Yanfei looming over him.

"Ohover my dead bohohody"

"Oh really? Well I guess I'll just have to kill you then."

"WaitwAITWAIT NO-" He started, only for it to be drowned out in his cackles as that evil advisor formed her hands into claws and dug in at his rib cage.

"YANFEHEHEHEHEI!"

"Yes?"

"WHYYYHYHYHY???"

"You know why." She said with almost the same teasing tone he had earlier, showing no mercy to the detective.

Heizou was a mess right now. He was flailing around, curling his legs up only for them to be kicked out again, repeatedly switching between arching and curling his spine, and trying to do anything he can to escape the tickles, except actually push her or just tell her to stop.

"You know, if you're so ticklish here, it's not the best idea to go wearing a shirt with it exposed, Mr Detective."

"Y-YOHOUHURE ONE TO TAHAHALK!" He managed to get out, only poking fun at her even further.

Yanfei stopped to think for a moment. Not stopped her attack, just her thought process. He did make another point... She was ticklish too, and she wasn't gonna act like she wasn't. Her worst spot is quite literally her tummy, which is basically always exposed. But then again, she's not as deathly ticklish as Heizou, and it's not like he could do much in his circumstance.

"Oh no, YOURE one to talk. Sure, I'm ticklish too, I'll admit that. But you, you're just asking for it arent you?" She said, causing him to wince between his loud cackles.

Because she was completely right.

Deciding he's had enough of this spot, Yanfei stopped her hands but kept them just where they are, giving him a break, but still giving him an anticipation attack as well.

"Well? Ready yet?"

"N...Never!" He said stubbornly. He was a little weakened from the tickling, but knew he could go for more.

"I thought so." Yanfei said with that tone, only lightly tracing his sides now.

"Well what do you think, Detective? Up..." she trailed towards his underarms, causing him to squeeze his arms tight to his torso in an attempt to protect that spot.

"Or should we go down?" And she trailed her fingers back down to his tummy area/hips.

"T-thahats just cruel..."

"Well? I'm waiting."

"..."

"Don't make me choose now."

"Alright alrihight! Fine...umm..."

"Too late."

"HEY-!"

Yanfei decided to go down this time, knowing that Heizou's underarms are his worst spot. She didn't want to go for the kill just yet.

"Yanfehehei come onnn!"

"Oh, you wanted up?"

"NONO-No, no, I-I don't..."

"So you did want down."

"No-I...UGH, man alihihive..."

Yanfei just grinned at his cornered state, as she picked up the pace and scribbled over his stomach.

"You're so mehehehean!!" Heizou whined yet again, curling up as much as he could. His stomach wasn't his worst spot, but it was definitely enough to get him giggling, especially with the protective fabric covering him. Until...

"You know, I bet I could just-"

And Yanfei just slipped her hands im his shirt from the sides, as easy as can be.

"NOOOHOHO! Yahahahnfehehehiiii! Ihihits so bahahahad!"

"Do you want me to stop?" She asked, not so much in a teasing manner anymore, but as a genuine question in case he would be tiring out now.

Heizou thought for a few seconds, on one hand, he wanted to say "yes", this was pure torture! On the other hand...he didn't exactly want it to stop. This is kind of what he'd been secretly hoping for this entire time, but he can't tell her that! He trusts her and everything, enough to tell him more about his past and a bit about the friend he used to have...but not this! Definitely not this!

Thankfully, Yanfei asked a follow up question so he didn't have to answer the first one.

"Oh, why did I have you here again?"

"W-well, I've got a bit of an intuition you want me to share, but I don't th-"

"Ah, right. So? Gonna talk now?"

"..."

"Hmm?"

"I told you...over my dead body..." He said, giving her his most "I dare you" grin yet.

That sealed his fate.

"Well, I warned you..." She said, her teasing tone back as she began to slowwwly trail her fingers back up his sides..."

"...Wait, No-"

"..."

"Yanfei, come on now...."

"..."

He squeezed his arms tighter to his torso again in an effort to protect his worst spot once again.

"You wouldn't..."

Closer...

"You wouldn't!"

Closerrrr...

"Y-yanfei, don't you dare!"

Almosttttt...

And then she stopped.

Right there.

So close.

But didn't move her hands

"GAH! Oh my godddd YANFEI!! How could you! At least move it!! Pleaseeee!!!" He whined for the last time.

"Over your dead body, huh?"

"Yanfei no-d-don't you dAHAHAHARE!"

And the famed detective of the tenryou (however you spell) commission squealed his heart out the moment his attacker's fingertips touched down on the extremely sensitive area, being thrown into hysterics.

"EHAHAHAHA-IHIHI CAHAHNT BELIEHEHIHIVE YOUHUHUHU!" Laughed the poor boy, once again being thrown into both a flailing state and a curling state.

Yanfei knew that he wouldn't be able to go on for much longer, because as much energy as this guy has, again he can only take so much. So after a short while, she finally stopped, leaving him breathless on the ground."

"Hah...whew..." Heizou rolled over on his side.

"Over your dead body? How bout now, detective?" She said, with a smile on her face again.

"Ughhhh, fineeeee...My intuition said that...um...that crate over there might have something important to it..." He said. This wasn't his intuition, it was just an observation he made a while earlier, before provoking Yanfei into killing him.

"And you really thought that wouldn't be of any use? The things full of noctilucous jade! The treasure hoarders really forgot to take a crate..." Said Yanfei, shaking her head at both Heizou and the Treasure Hoarders they were pursuing.

"It took your "superb intuition" to make that discovery, huh? You could have just like...looked there."

Yeah, he cannot tell her about this little secret.

"...Hey Heizou, are you okay? I didn't go too far, right?"

"No, no, I'm good, don't worry."

She just smiled at that.

"I know."

"Hm?"

"It doesn't take a detective to figure it out, Heizou." She said with a smirk.

Oh fuck.

"Figure what out? That they were smuggling Jade? That they got a little stupid with it?" He said, figuring if he acted like this was about the case it would direct her attention elsewhere.

"That you were totally asking for it."

"..."

fuuuck

"That wasn't even about the case, was it? My guess is you just got bored and wanted to act like a little brat, but then when I actually started to tickle you, you were all "noooo yanfeiiii" but don't think I didn't notice that you hadn't said "stop" once, cause you know if you did I would have."

fuuuuuuuuuuck

"Well, there's always the possibility I just don't think of it..." He made up an excuse. A poor one, at that.

"We both know that doesn't happen. And that's not even the only thing, I heard you wince when I said you were asking for it, and You didn't even answer when I asked if you wanted me to stop. And~..."

"Alright, alright! I get it..."

Yanfei just giggled at his defeated state.

"Don't worry about it though, I'm not judging you. But also, do you think we should start following the footprints? Cause we uh...do still have a case to solve-"

"Oh, right! Yeah, that was a time waster, sorry bout that." Said Heizou, choosing not to actually confirm the fact and just accept and try to ignore it.

"Eh, well, I wouldn't say it was a complete waste of time. I did uncover the fact that you like being t-"

"I get it!"

"Hehe..."

Yanfei began scanning the ground for the footprints, standing by the lake for any that would have sunk in the banks.

"Oh, hey, look here." Heizou motioned, pointing his finger in the water at something.

"Wha-HEY!"

Yanfei was cut off, for she fell for his extra little trick and got a few droplets of lake water flicked to her face.

"You little..." She looked at him, her face slightly red. Not from anger, just from being flustered. This guy really just got destroyed within an inch of his life, and he's back to being a little shit already?

"Come on, focus!"

"Hehehe~" Laughed Heizou, his usual "innocent" grin back.

Yanfei stood up and sighed, now beginning to follow the tracks of the footprints.

"...When we're done with this case, you are SO going to get it."

"I'd like to see you try, Miss Advisor."

---------------------------------------------

Notes: OH MY FUCKIGN GOD I MISSED WRITING FICS

I'm so sorry if it's cringe or terrible characterization or anything because most of this was written at 1 in the morning

And this is just incredibly self indulgent

But yea this is my first Genshin fic technically (Windtrace Hcs don't count) so I do hope you enjoy!

And special thanks to @tartartartarsauce and @rattypattyy for greatly enabling me, even if indirectly

[zoropookie]

HOW HATERS ARE BORN (HHAB)

♡ chapter twenty-six — br(ok)en (💋)

You stared at your phone light up for the twelfth time within five minutes with a dull expression.

Admittedly, you felt angrier knowing that Scaramouche still had the audacity to even text you after everything. After tormenting you for years and years, what kind of shame should someone feel after that, you wonder. The relentless pursuit of making your life miserable—to which he failed at, but it did make you wonder.

Did you do something to deserve it? Each notification felt like another jab that he took to the heart, reopening your wounds from each time he said something messed up to you. As you laid there motionless, with no light ruminating in the room except your phone, you began to feel tears well up in your eyes for the thirteenth time today.

Pursing your lips, you swiped up to read the messages and only felt reminded even further of every harsh word he said. Every cruel taunt, every moment of humiliation...and yet...

He was still right, despite being the biggest hypocrite known to man. And it pissed you off.

Why were you even laying here? Ignoring the world, rotting here like you're a vegetable. You knew that you were something to people, you knew that you were valued.

There wasn’t anything that was particularly motivating for you to get up, however. You ignored every need that you could have possibly wanted, subjecting yourself to sparseness. No matter how much you wanted to, the thoughts always came back and you didn’t know how to deal with them.

A small knock echoed from the front door. It was loud enough to hear, and you still shoved your head in the pillow and hoped it went away.

The longer time you went without answering it, the knocks became more frequent. It wasn’t Thoma, that’s who you could observe without getting up.

You finally managed to drag yourself out of bed, lazing about sounded so much nicer now that you were dreading who’s at the door. With a frustrated sigh, and irritation already to its peak of your heart, you opened the door to a familiar-ish face.

Little girl?

“Did you forget that you exist?” She said with a smile. “Welcome back to Earth! I didn’t know how long you’d be cooped up in here so I brought treats.”

You stared a bit longer than you meant to at the Tupperware of Asafiri in her hands, momentarily taken aback. “Heh?”

“Yanfei sent me here. Looks like you’re having a little bit of trouble getting back on your feet. I take it you know her?” She inquired.

“Yeah.” You blinked slowly, before holding the door a little wider. “Uh…come in, I guess. Thanks for the…treats.” You cringed. “Wow, I get why Heizou keeps being called a creep now, this can look so wrong.”

“The difference is that he does it to himself.”

The warm water on your body was oddly refreshing.

Getting out of the shower was harder knowing that you'd come back to the gust of wind in your living room, but knowing you had fresher pajamas on was also a plus. Things didn't look too great on your mental, especially since you were accustomed to showering a lot in your fresher mind.

You put on the Lightning McQueen slippers you quite often wear, and moved to the kitchen after hearing soft chops of a knife. You wondered what Nahida was up to, staring at her cut apples and bananas before putting them into a huge bowl she found in your cupboard.

"This is a very odd fruit salad you're making." You drew attention to yourself before her eyebrows furrowed. "I don't know whether or not to tell you to be careful with knives."

"I'm smarter than you think I am." Nahida cooed. "I'm used to people being condescending."

"Oh...I'm sorry— You're killing me here, kid. Lady? Are you a child or not?" You asked desperately.

Nahida turned to you, her saturated green eyes stared at you with obviously deliberate thoughts roaming her head before she took a sharp breath. She pointed the knife at you. "Do you feel better?"

"Not...really? I mean, it happened. All of this at once." You tried to process it quicker, but your head failed you. It's like how you actually felt in the moment was blocked. "I feel like I'm in limbo, I don't want to see the sun these days."

"Your thoughts are your biggest enemy right now. Easy to overthink. It's a lot to deal with on your own, good thing you aren't, right?" Nahida lowered the knife, her expression softening. "I cut you up some fresh fruit. It's better than the Asafiri for now, you don't need that much sugar after not eating for a while, or you'll crash hard. And get a headache."

Looking at the bowl loaded with bananas and slices of apples, you couldn't help but wonder why you were even granted this much care anyway. You were in mild disbelief, sitting down at the island counter in front of Nahida. "Why are you actually here?" You said in defeat.

Nahida stopped cutting the fruit, gaze shifting from it to you. She couldn't find what she could say to answer you, but she did press her lips together. "Do you want me to be honest?"

"A little." Your voice lowered.

"Yanfei and Heizou," Nahida paused, trying to find her words, "They wanted to see if I could convince you to start streaming again."

You frowned immediately. "Oh. Thanks for being honest."

"You made progress today, but I don't expect you to be up to it. It's a really big step." She asked you, but you couldn't even decipher the intentions behind her eyes. It was impossible to detect what anybody was thinking nowadays. "They just told me to come over so they can hope their investigation moves."

You sighed, leaning back in your chair once you felt the bitterness course your body again. Hearing that made your mood possibly worse than what it would've been if you were in bed. "Not happening. Thanks for checking on me though, you can leave if you want."

"I knew you'd say that. I guess it's fair, people are...going crazy right now figuring out whether you're okay or not." Nahida smiled once you looked back up at her. "Both Scaramouche and your fans are trying to get anything they can on your wellbeing. It's better to wait it out."

Your hopeful face turned into a sullen one, shoulders slumped at the mention of his name. "I don't know if I can even go back at all."

"I'm not sure how hard this is for you, but with what happened, you've obviously been through enough. While it's your choice to go back, Yanfei is under the impression that you can get revenge." The shorter girl explained. "In my eyes, though...I think you're able to decide that for yourself."

You felt the weight of the memories heavily, your head daunting enough for you to let out a shaky breath. "You think so?"

Nahida nodded, humming, "You don't have to stream, but don't give him the satisfaction if you're upset. You shouldn't let him know that you're suffering because of what he did. The worst thing that you can do is prove him right."

Funnily enough, as soon as she said that, you felt tears well up in your eyes again. It struck a cord, and you knew she was right. It was just knowing that anybody would say it verbatim. "That's the same thing he told me too." You blinked back your tears, more resilient than you were a few minutes ago, but also to the brim of misery.

"He?"

You shook your head, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. "Thanks," You muttered, choking on your words. You couldn't manage to say anything else, otherwise you'd betray your steely posture. "I'll think about it. Just...stay here a little more with me, please. Maybe I'll...find the resolve or something."

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YOU ARE on your way to being one of the hottest streamer in your nation at the moment, racking a monthly average of 10 million viewers, but something specific bothers you about it. you know that a lot of people hate you, but there's this one account. one account that's been following you since the early days of your career. they leave a flood of rude comments in your stream, your moderators banned each account they made, but they keep making more. you are at the end of your tether. but you are yet to find out that this persistent cockroach is none other than your friend's friend (and the only other streamer that's bigger than you), scaramouche.

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