#ok last aside: I really tried making this playlist positive without it sounding like a sunday afternoon at the beach

[nako-doodles]

Hey babe, any song reccs for someone who's up for a long night of coding? It's cool if the music is sad because I think the crying over code is gonna be inevitable. Also I LOVE YOU YOU WHOLESOME JIN THOT I WANT TO GIVE YOU HUGS AND SMOOCHES AND PROCRASTINATE FROM MY JOB BY SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR BLOG but i won't i actually really am a responsible adult fuck who can't say no to work ALSO TO REITERATE I LOVE YOU AND HAVE A GREAT DATE

oh boy fam long nights coding are the ABSOLUTE WORSE im so sorry bubs. I feel ur ache :( however, in the words of our cult leader min yoongi, YOU SHOULD GO AND EARN THAT MONEY!!!!!!! (I see ur sneaky pun about iterations I love you too sweet pea💖💖)

this is gonna be less mellow and more slow grind bc lets be real late night coding is really just late night grinding ft 3 pints of tears. slow bc usually if I have hard hitting club music on the entire time I get a headache, but if its too mellow I pass out 🤣🤣🤣 this playlist is split into 3 major stages of regret during late night coding so you can pick and choose what you want 👍👍

tldr; theres a little bit of everything and I hope you like it 😚

‘maybe i can get my minimum 6 hours tonight’

epik high - lullaby for a cat

sarcastic sounds - i cant help

dvwn - insomnia ft. yayyoung

magik monkey - tokyo lights

baek yerin - maybe its not our fault

rm - seoul ft. honne

gallant - weight in gold

rad museum - dancing in the rain

baek yerin - suddenly (digging club seoul vers.)

miso - take me

winner - baby baby

offonoff - 춤

gallant x eric nam x tablo - cave me in

dean - D half moon ft. gaeko

owol - why

penomeco - no. 5 ft. Crush

suran x coogie - into the abyss

chai - color you ft. sam kim

far east movement - don’t speak ft. tiffany & chain

tanaka alice - bad day so, what

flying dog - galactic mermaid

‘some (coffee) vibes darker than the night outside, and we’re getting somewhere’

j.lu - tokyo ft. nodsgn

jasmine sokko - #0000FF

hyorin - youknowbetter

bevy maco - so faded

han yo han - closer ft. stella jang

bts - save me

dress x lydia paek - emotion

kris wu - tian di

taeyeon - find me

groovyroom - this night ft. blue.d, jhnovr

coeur de pirate - drapeau blanc

apm - apro ft. k.vsh

katie - love kills

wheein - easy

baekyun - pyscho

code kunst - x ft. lee hi

heize - she’s fine

steady lake - amortentia

macklemore & ryan lewis - light tunnels ft. mike slap

lee hi - fxxk wit us ft. dok2

dean - bonnie & clyde

ladies’ code - galaxy

f(x) - shadow

owol - nuna

epik high - here comes the regrets ft. lee hi

ciara - paint it black

dean - pour up ft. zico

sleepy - body lotion

jero - delusional

‘its 5am and if theres no hard-hitting beats im gonna pass out onto my keyboard deadlines be damned’

jvna - im with you

cosmic girl - don’t you worry bout me

kitti b - doin’ good

2pm - hands up

mamamoo x basick - stand up

after school - flashback

(g)i-dle - hann

super junior - black suit

taetiseo - adrenaline

vixx - silence

pony - divine

apink - %%

sunmi - burn

owol - problem

r tee x anda - what you waiting for

femme - whiplash

bvndit - dumb

far east movement - sxwme ft. jay park

vixx - beautiful killer

sonamoo - we are legendary

bap - one shot

block b - nillili mambo

d. holic - color me rad

clc - hobgoblin

kard - dumb litty

sak noel, kuba, neitan - no boyfriend no problem ft. faky, femm

jay park - mommae

hyuna - just follow ft. dok2

agust d - tony montana ft. yankie

monsta x - trespass

pentagon - gorilla

bastarz - zero for conduct

shinee - dangerous (medusa II)

kanye west - no church in the wild ft. jayz, frank ocean, the dream

exo - let out the beast

chungha - gotta go

vixx - spider

nct 127 - limitless

mino - body

yammo - boss ft. dean, dok2

jay park - you know ft. okasion

4minute - huh

bts - not today

t-ara - no. 9

nct u - 7th sense

I wish both you and your rubber duck that you will inevitably chuck across the room before apologizing profusely to it the best of luck 💖💖💖 

may all your runs be smooth and debugging endeavors quick 💖💖💖

[ificanthaveu]

Moments Where You Didn’t Know I Was Recording || Shawn Mendes

Description: Shawn loves to take videos of you when you’re not paying attention. You find out.

A/N: I came up with the title of this first and I’m like oh shit this could be cute and I’ve been super busy so I didn’t write this in one sitting like I usually do but I really really love how it turned out. Hope you love it :) also this is one of my faves and i forgot it’s been sitting in my drafts for weeks oops

Word Count: 3.7k

Your laugh echoed off the empty walls of your new apartment as Shawn tried to help you hang pictures.

“You can’t put that in the middle of the wall!” You yelled as he positioned the frame. He sighed and set the frame down onto the floor.

“Then where does it go?” He asked with a genuinely confused expression on his face. You laughed at him and pulled a few more photographs from the box next to him.

“They go together like a collage. Step back and let me show you how it’s done.” You shoed him away and positioned them how you wanted them, drawing marks with a pencil on the wall.

Shawn stepped back and watched you with a smile. He quietly pulled out his phone and hit record. He watched you through his screen.

You tried different positions, occasionally stepping back and tilting your head to the side, your ponytail going wherever your head did.

“Does that look ok? Or does it look completely stupid?” You asked without turning around.

“Looks great. Better than I ever could have done,” he said with a small laugh. You shook your head and picked up a frame off the floor.

“That’s not saying much,” you mumbled.

“Hey!” He yelled as he stopped the video and grabbed you from behind, lifting you and spinning as your laugh echoed once again.

—

It was windier than the forecast said it would be. This was not what you imagined would happen when you thought of bringing Shawn to your favorite spots in your hometown. The wind coming off the lake whipped your hair in every direction. You cursed yourself over and over again for not bringing anything to tie it back.

“We can do this tomorrow, babe,” Shawn said from behind you as you led him onto the rocks that bordered the lake.

“No, tomorrow we’re getting coffee with Mrs. Miller and visiting my grandparents. It’s now or never,” you said as you continued to get irritated with the weather.

You balanced on the rocks as best you could but slipped anyway. Shawn quickly reached out and grabbed your waist before you could tumble.

“You seriously would come here all the time? Isn’t this dangerous?” Shawn questioned.

You glanced back at him and shrugged your shoulders with a smile. “That’s the best part.”

Shawn shook his head as you continued to dance from rock to rock. He pressed the record button and showed off the scenic sunset in front of him. You were situated in the bottom left corner as you found the large boulder you always sat on with your best friend. Shawn watched you as you finally released your breath, brushed your hair aside and admired the beauty around you with a smile on your face. He took a few photos of you before ending the video and carefully making his way back to you.

“Was it worth it?” He said as he sat down next to you. You leaned your head on his shoulder, and he looked down at you. He swore he'd never seen you more content.

“It’s worth it every time.”

—

“Quit doing that!” Shawn quietly yelled as you jumped up and rode on the cart again. You gave him that look, again, and he laughed at it, again.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you snarked back at him as you gripped onto the cart with one hand and grabbed a cereal box off the shelf with the other, knocking two onto the floor in the process. And cue Shawn with the look again.

“They’re going to kick us out of here,” he said through a laugh as you quickly put the boxes back on the shelf and climbed inside the cart this time with your back to Shawn.

“You’re mean to me,” you said with your arms crossed and head facing forward, refusing to look at him. You couldn’t see it, but you could tell he was definitely rolling his eyes.

“You are so dramatic, my love,” he said as he pushed the cart forward once again, pulling his phone out and recording it.

“Learned it from my mama,” you said with a giggle as you aggressively pointed at the box of granola bars you couldn’t reach.

“You’re kidding,” Shawn mumbled. “This is honestly like shopping with a child.”

“Please, Shawnie, just grab the granola bars,” you whined. He signed as he stopped the video on his phone and grabbed the box, tossing it in your lap and looking at you with that same look.

“Are you done?” He said as he let a small laugh escape, and you smiled up at him.

“This is what you get for not doing the grocery shopping before I flew in. You set yourself up for this,” you said as he helped you out of the cart.

You spent the rest of the grocery shopping trip gripping onto his hand and arm and resting your head on his shoulder, trying not to nod off.

—

It had been two months since you moved to Toronto to live with Shawn. You’d bought a new house together in a cute neighborhood outside of the city. Your full-time job was able to transfer you to their Toronto branch, and everything was perfect.

Except your friends had been begging to visit since you first moved in. But there were things to be unpacked from both yours and Shawn’s places, and a whole damn house to decorate. So two months later, and your three closest friends were gushing over your new house with a bottle of wine.

“This still feels really fake,” Liz said as she curled into the couch. “Like this is temporary and by next week you’ll be living down the street from me again.”

“Tell me about it. I finally finished putting my clothes in my closet last week,” you laughed as you poured another glass.

Regan launched into a story about her new Tinder disaster as the rest of you nodded along, this story sounded like you’d heard it a million times before.

You heard the back door open and close slowly, Shawn obviously trying to sneak in without any of you noticing. He obviously wasn’t good at it. By the time he made it to the kitchen, all four of you were staring at him, and he turned beat red when he noticed.

“Get the hell outta here,” Hannah yelled as she held her glass up at him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at some friend’s house?”

Shawn shook his head and laughed as he quickly dipped into your room and grabbed his bag.

“Forgot my laptop,” he said as he held the bag up.

“Honey, did you seriously go to write music and not bring your computer with the music on it?” You questioned with that look on your face. You honestly don’t know how he continued to live from day to day.

He crossed the room and pressed a quick kiss to your lips. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow,” he said as he made his way towards the back door.

You and your friends faced each other once again, going back into Regan’s story. Shawn paused for a minute and pulled out his phone, not wanting to miss the look on your face when you were with your friends.

You threw your head back in laughter and almost spilled your glass, quickly catching it before it met the brand new white couch. You set it down before your hand went to your heart and you laughed it off. Shawn smiled as he ended the video and tucked his phone into his pocket.

“Love you, [Y/N],” he said with his head leaning inside the living room.

“I love you, too. Now get outta here. I can’t talk about you if you’re standing right there,” you said as you shoed him off one last time.

—

You stood on your tiptoes as you grabbed a box of pasta from the top shelf and tossed it down on the counter. You bopped your head to “Mercy,” a favorite of yours since before you’d met Shawn. Even after years of knowing him, it never left your playlist.

You added the noodles to the boiling water and went in search of that jar of pasta sauce you swore you bought last week. You sat on the ground outside the cabinet it should’ve been in and dug around to see if it would maybe just jump out at you.

Unknowingly to you, Shawn came home a little earlier than expected and shook his head when he could hear the song that was blaring through the house. He slipped off his shoes and walked carefully to the doorway.

“I knew it!” You shouted as you pulled out the jar and set it next to the noodles on the counter. Your playlist switched to another song, “22” by Taylor Swift. The pasta was long abandoned as you began to jump up and down to one of your favorite songs.

Shawn pulled out his phone and started recording, trying not to laugh at the sight in front of him. You swayed your hips back and forth as you sang along and stirred the pot occasionally. You started another pan to heat up the sauce, almost spilling the entire jar, deciding you should probably stop dancing so aggressively.

“Shit,” you mumbled as you tried to wipe off the little bit that had spilled onto your sweater. Shawn quickly stopped the video, knowing you’d be turning around to go to the sink he was standing next to you.

He was right. You turned around and jumped back.

“Damn, Shawn. How long have you been standing there?” You said as you leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Long enough,” he said through a smile. You shook your head as you leaned against the counter and started wiping at the stain that was forming.

“Pasta for dinner,” you mumbled as you sighed in defeat that you’d definitely just ruined your new sweater. Shawn nodded his head as he set his backpack down on the table and looked back at you.

“Kiss Me Slowly” by Parachute began to play as Shawn pulled you close to him to dance. You finally relaxed into him, your arms around his neck and his around your waist as your head rested on his chest. He rested his head on your head and turned the burners off when you made your way near the stove.

“Mercy always has been one of my favorite songs,” he whispered in your ear and you could practically feel the smirk on his face. You pushed him away from you quickly.

“You ruined the moment,” you laughed as you went back to finish dinner.

—

“I’m freaking out,” you whisper shouted as Shawn gripped onto your hands backstage, rubbing his thumbs against the backs of your hands as you shook.

“You’ve practiced this a million times. You know you’re going to kill it. You’ve got this, [Y/N],” he whispered to you as you checked the time again. You gave your presentation in four minutes.

When you submitted a proposal to give a TED talk about your experiences in your life this far, you never thought they’d actually want you to give it. You had to admit you had an interesting life, but not enough that all these people wanted to hear you talk about it. But here you were, four minutes from your speech telling everyone about the time you moved to a different country to be with your rockstar boyfriend and didn’t give up your career by doing so and how you somehow learned to balance all of it.

“This is so stupid. Why am I doing this? No one wants this. No one wants to hear this,” you rambled as your anxiety got to you. Shawn quickly pulled you to him and wrapped his arms around you tightly, knowing it would maybe help a little.

“Breathe, honey,” he whispered in your ear. You took a deep breath and released it as best as you could smooshed against Shawn’s chest. He released you and rubbed your arms a few times.

“Two minutes, [Y/N],” the lady said to you. You nodded your head and thanked her.

“I gotta go up by the side,” you said quietly as you rested your forehead against Shawn’s.

“You’re going to do amazing. I’m so proud of you, and I love you,” he paused to kiss your forehead, “so damn much.” You quick pecked his lips once more before turning and waiting on the side of the stage, applying your lipstick for the tenth time and trying to breathe.

Meanwhile, Shawn stayed a few steps back and watched you as he pulled out his phone to record. He watched you take a few more deep breaths and shake out your arms a few times. You nervously reviewed your opening statement again and cracked your neck. You said a quick prayer, and the lady told you to walk out.

Shawn cheered with everyone else as you put a big smile on your face and walked out on stage. And it definitely wasn’t a fake smile. You were beyond happy to do this.

So, Shawn put his phone away and took his spot on the side of the stage and watched you with total admiration.

—

Neither of you can remember who said it first. You were both thinking it anyway, so it didn’t really matter who brought it up.

You were gone every day from 8:00 to 6:00 at your job, and Shawn liked recording at night so he was gone from 7:00 to whenever he decided to come back which was usually well into the early hours of the morning. You were lucky if the two of you had dinner together, and you were damn near blessed if you were still awake when he got home.

The two of you hadn’t had a genuine night together in longer than you can remember. So now you were both standing on opposite sides of the kitchen, not saying a word.

You both said things you regretted. Things you definitely didn’t mean.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Shawn finally said just barely above a whisper.

“I know,” you said near the same volume. You wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, willing the tears to stay in. You were not going to let yourself cry over this.

“Can we please just-“

“I need a minute,” you cut him off before he could say anything else. You grabbed your blanket off the chair, went out the back door and made your way to the lounge chair in the back corner of your small backyard. You wrapped it tightly around you and leaned back, staring at the sky, praying someone was listening to the prayers inside your head.

You wanted this to work. It had to work. You knew it was going to. But this was not nearly what you signed up for.

As you sat in the back with tears streaming down your face, Shawn watched you from the kitchen window, elbows resting on the edges of the sink, trying to figure out when was the best time to go back and sit in the chair across from you.

He stayed there and cursed himself for having a schedule like he did. He could easily go in the morning. He could work the same hours as her if he wanted. He’s the reason they’re in this position. He rubbed the palms of his hands aggressively against his eyes before looking up at you again.

The moonlight seemed to just hit you at the right angle. You looked up at the stars with a stuck look on your face. Without thinking, he pulled out his phone and hit record. The camera captured it well but not nearly as breathtaking as he was seeing you right now.

He watched you stand up and lay your blanket down on the ground before laying on top of it.

He took this as his time and slipped his phone in his back pocket before making his way out to you.

You could hear the grass crunching underneath his feet, but you didn’t look up. He laid down next to you, just centimeters apart.

Without speaking, you moved into his arms, your head resting on his shoulder and your arm around his middle as you both stared at the sky. His hand made his way underneath your shirt and rested on the bottom of your back.

“I’m going to make this right. I’m going to change this. I’m never going to let myself lose you,” he whispered. You simply nodded your head against his shoulder.

“I love you,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to your forehead. You closed your eyes, and a soft smile came across your face.

“I love you, too. Always.”

“Always.”

—

If your niece loved anything more than Uncle Shawn’s music, it was going to be Taylor Swift’s. You swear your sister-in-law must have given birth to her while listening to Lover on repeat.

Any time you were in town, you gladly took Elle for the night to spend as much time with her as possible. Your nights were filled with dance parties and whatever tv show she was currently obsessed with.

So, here you were, holding her tiny five-year-old hands and dancing to “Paper Rings” around the living room. She giggled loudly anytime you’d lift her up, spin her around or poke at her sides.

Shawn watched from his spot in the kitchen as he leaned against the counter on a phone call with Andrew. He honestly couldn’t tell you what the phone call was supposed to be about because he for sure wasn’t listening.

He hung up the phone a few minutes later and pressed record, capturing the utter joy radiating out of you and Elle. You lifted her up and held her on your hip as you dipped her up and down and she laughed uncontrollably.

Shawn couldn’t contain the smile on his face. He always thought you’d be forever, but he loved moments like this where it hit twice as hard that someday this could be you and your daughter dancing around your living room.

“Come on, Uncle Shawn!” Elle yelled over your shoulder as Shawn quickly put his phone away. He wrapped his arms around the two of you as he swayed whichever way you pulled them as Elle planted a kiss on his cheek.

And it was the moment that he didn’t need to take another video to watch on nights where he missed you or doubted this was forever. This was it. This was all he needed.

—

He bought the ring the day the two of you got home from visiting your family. He buried it in the bottom of the bottom drawer of his dresser, knowing you’d never find it.

He went through every video he’d ever taken of you where you had no idea and had Connor edit together with your song playing softly in the background.

He had it all planned out. Your friends would keep you busy for the day while he got the backyard set up with the roses and the projector. There’s no way it could go wrong.

But even Shawn should’ve known that wasn’t true.

It was a Sunday around 8:00, and the two of you were tangled together on the couch. Everything was in place for a week from today, and it drove him crazy that in a week from now you’d be his fiancé.

“I’m going to grab some tea,” he said before pressing a kiss to your head and walking over to the kitchen.

You laid on your back and stared at the ceiling trying to decide what movie you wanted to watch tonight. You looked around the living room trying to find where you left your laptop, but you couldn’t see it so you grabbed Shawn’s which was on the floor next to you.

You propped it up on your lap as you opened it up to go onto Netflix and look around.

But what was on the screen was definitely not Netflix.

Your curiosity got the best of you, and you hit play. You watched moments you never knew were caught on camera. You smiled at videos of you and your niece and the first night in your apartment. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you watched countless moments you’d nearly forgotten about.

“Did you want green or white-“ Shawn said as he leaned in the doorway but cut himself off. “Oh my God, what are you watching?” He said with panic in his voice.

“When did you do this?” You said between sobs. Shawn sighed as he trudged over to you and curled up next to you.

“You weren’t supposed to see this,” he mumbled into your shoulder.

“How did I never know you were recording?” You whispered as your eyes couldn’t leave the screen.

“You’re always in your own little world. It’s not very difficult,” he said and you could feel his smile against your shoulder as you leaned your head against his.

“You’re amazing,” you whispered. “What’s this for?” You said as you finally looked at him, and he looked up at you.

“Will you marry me?” He said with a smile on his face. Your heart stopped, and you set the laptop next to you before straddling his waist. He rubbed his hands up and down your thighs carefully as he smiled up at you

“Are you serious?” You whispered as the tears returned.

“The ring is up in my drawer underneath some shirt from high school,” he paused and rolled his eyes. “It was supposed to be a lot more romantic, but I should’ve known this would happen,” he said through a laugh and a shrug before you pressed a longing kiss to his lips. He looked you in the eyes with a total look of admiration. “But will you please be my wife?”

“Yes,” you managed to say in-between kisses. “Yes, yes, yes.” Neither of you could stop smiling or kissing, and he could only imagine how ridiculously in love the two of you looked right now.

You stopped for a moment and rested your forehead against his and closed your eyes.

“I love you,” you finally said.

“I love you. Always,” he said before pressing another kiss to your lips.

“Always.”

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