#ok this is today's stream of consciousness thanks 4 tuning in

[kaeyapilled]

they should put a pool table in the angel's share

[captainrandomstranger18]

My dearest Captain,

The story of Thaddeoso is much less exciting than one might think. Basically my grandpa told a story of this huge frog that hung around when my mom was young and they called him Thaddeus. Then then my cousins and I found this huge frog by the spring and my sibling suggested we call him Thaddeoso, so we did.

1. Could you maybe stop judging others and let them enjoy things in peace please?

2. All the ones I’ve seen so far (tos, aos, tng, and voyager)

3. That’s a hard one. I like all of them Janeway and Q and Geordi a lot though

4. I don’t know, I actually haven’t thought about it

5. Yep! I like most musicals, but I think my current favorites are Sweeney Todd, Singin in the Rain, and Cats (not the newer movie though)

6. Maybe maple cus we used to make maple syrup back at the first place I lived

7. You know what should be a thing? Space mythology. Like dragons who live in black holes and hoard light and sirens that mimic distress signals to lure spaceships into asteroid fields and vampires that steal the oxygen from your lungs (I have been thinking about this a lot today)

8. It’s currently tied between a black pair with neon kinda flowery/geometric shapes and a white pair with jellyfish

9. I haven’t been in public lately and I tend to tune out most of the other people in school so I don’t really have anything for this one. I hit my creative writing word count goal though! (8,000 words (everyone set their goals at 8,000 except this one kid who set his at 8,001))

I have never had a brookie, but it sounds amazing.

Yours,

L

Dearest L,

To continue the pattern of answering my own questions:

1. I would probably do 1 of 2 things (depending on my mood). Either I would tell everybody to treat all people with respect or kindness, or I would just rick roll everyone on the planet.

2. My favorites are also all the ones I’ve seen so far (I swear it is so hard to pick a favorite Trek! They are all so beautiful and wonderful and unique in their own ways, and its hard to compare them to each other.) These include TOS, TAOS, DS9, and TNG.

3. Data would probably be my #1 favorite, and my second favorite would be everyone else because I can’t choose.

4. I relate to Data’s curiosity and not understanding humans all the time, and I relate to Julian Bashir’s awkwardness. But the character I probably relate to the most is Reginald Barclay. Like every time he comes on screen and so much as breathes I’m like “MOOD. THAT’S ME RIGHT THERE.” I also relate to Riker because I like to put my leg up on random things.

5. I like a lot of musicals. My favorites would probably be Hamilton, The Fiddler on the Roof, and Bye Bye Birdie (I was in that one for my high school’s theater program. I was a background character.) Singin’ in the Rain is also really good, although I haven’t watched it in a while. I do remember my first time watching it, though. I was a little kid and I was at my grandma’s house and she got out an umbrella so we could dance along to it. :D

6. My favorite tree would have to be the Rainbow Eucalyptus: 

I’m sending pictures of the most amazing trees, you’ll be obsessed with all my forest expertise! (Sorry that was a Dear Evan Hansen reference) (I’m not even that big of a fan of the musical, that line just popped into my head right now) (Although Sincerely Me is sincerely a bop in my opinion.) (Dang that was off topic, where was I?) 

AH, yes. TREES!

I just-look at its colors. Asfshdjkds. I kinda want one tbh. Ok, fine, I really want one. The only issue is that they live in tropical climates and I DON’T live in a tropical climate so it probably wouldn’t do too well if I were to plant one here. Oh well. At least the internet exists so I can admire them from afar.

Here’s the wikipedia article on them if you want to learn more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eucalyptus_deglupta

7. First of all, can I just say that I LOVE THE IDEA OF SPACE MYTHOLOGY. That’s brilliant. And you’re absolutely correct. Why isn’t that a thing? THAT SHOULD BE A THING!!!! (Side question: do you mind if I use your space dragon idea in that Existential Crisis: The Musical that I’m sort of on a hiatus of writing? Like that,,,, is such a cool idea. The musical mostly takes place in outer space btw. Also if I do use it I’ll be sure to credit you! Even though I’m not actually planning on getting the musical published anywhere any time soon. Side-side question: should I credit you as “Mysterious Anonymous Tumblr User L” or something else? Side-side-side question: I actually forgot what I was going to type here but “side-side-side” is fun to say. OK I JUST REMEMBERED. Actually I just forgot again. Goshdarn adhd. OH I REMEMBERED AGAIN. Would you like to hear what my musical is about in a future letter? That is all.)

Dang i just went off on a tangent there (This is what it’s like when my adhd medication has worn off). What was question #7 even supposed to be?

*checks previous letter* Oh, to go on a rant of any sort. I think I just kind of did that on accident. Whoops. (Sorry you had to read my stream-of-consciousness ramblings about whatever the heck that was.)

ANYWAYS, I liked your space dragon idea so much that i drew this picture based on it, here you go:

sorry the camera quality is really bad lol. I tried (and failed) to make the dragon look galaxy-printed if that makes any sense. 

But dude- space mythology is my new favorite thing now.

8. My current favorite pair of socks are a pair I have that are fluffy with unicorns on them.

9. I haven’t been in public lately either lol. But congratulations on your writing goal! That’s a lot of words! :D

Brookies are, in fact, amazing.

Now for some new questions!

1. Since you mentioned previously that you liked Unnus Annus, and since I basically missed out on most of it, what happened in some of your favorite episodes?

2. Do you think reality is a simulation?

3. Do you have any cool random facts about anything? (it can be about LITERALLY anything. I like any and all cool random facts.)

4. Do you know what your hogwarts house is?

5. Do you have a motto of any sort?

6. Am I allowed to guess who you are, or should I wait for you to tell me? (I’m fine waiting, it’s just that I have a few guesses already)

7. Would you like to read my horrible Star Trek crack fanfiction.

8. Semi-Philosophical Question Time: How would you define freedom?

That is all! Thank you for continuing to write/read these letters. I look forward to them every day! To quote another musical, “Now my life gets better every letter that you write me!” (Sorry if that was dumb lol, im bad at this)

Yours Truly,

Captain

[lostinfic]

Dissonance and Harmony | 5

Pairing: Roderick Peterson (Nativity 2) x Alison Crosby (The Canterbury Tales).

*You don’t need to have seen either film.*

Summary: Alison wants to boost her pop music career whereas Roderick needs to restore his reputation in the world of classical music. Neither of them is above using “irregular” means to get what they want, so when she joins his choir, they are in a unique position to help each other… if only they could get along.

A/N: Apparently, turtlenecks are called polo necks in the UK. Here’s a link to the bells video Roderick shows her.

Rating: M  |  Word count: 5,4k

Part 1 and 2   |   Part 3 and 4  |  Ao3

♪ ♪ ♪

Today, when Alison arrives at the theatre earlier, it’s not in the hopes of time alone with Roderick, but for a job interview with Vera, his associate.

Vera asks her a few questions, but she’s a no-nonsense type of woman who quickly sees that Alison has all the requirements both in terms of job experience and people skills.

“I can see why Roderick recommended you for the job,” Vera says as they shake hands.

“I can see why you two are business partners.”

Alison will work at the ticket booth during the day and show performers around when they arrive ahead of their concert. Some nights, she will guide people to their seats and bartend during intermission. The pay is average, but it will compensate for the hours she can’t work at the pub anymore. And there’s a tiny chance she’ll meet interesting people in the business. Still nowhere near the 7000‎£ her ex-husband is suing her for.

There’s an hour left before the beginning of choir practice, enough time to call her friend in Canterbury. Lisa is an old friend, and, more importantly, a terrible gossip. If anyone in Canterbury knows the reasons behind John’s lawsuit, it will be her.

Alison sits in the staircase, and tells her friend the little she knows.

“He’s suing you?” Lisa exclaims. “I can’t believe it. You know, even after you left him, he kept defending you. He was clearly in denial.”

“Aaww. What’s made him change his mind, then?”

“I’ll give you the straight tip: he’s dating the new solicitor in town.”

Lisa has a lot to say about this woman, but Alison focuses on only one thing: with every party emotionally involved, there will be no easy way out.

“If I could talk directly to John, I’m sure I could convince him to drop this,” Alison says.

“Use your loaf, Crosby: he thinks you manipulated him once, he’s not gonna talk to you again.”

“Fuck.”

“Besides, you’re famous now, so what’s the problem?”

“I’m famous?”

“We all saw you on the telly this summer with Robbie William.”

“That was once! I replaced a backup singer at the last minute and never saw him again. I work in a pub and sing in a choir. That’s it.”

When Alison hangs up, she heaves a long sigh. She has some answers now, but not the ones she wanted. If John thinks she’s rich and his new girlfriend convinced him to take advantage of this, she has to prove them wrong. But how if they won’t even talk to her?

Footsteps echo in the staircase, and she springs to her feet. It’s Roderick, shaking rain off his black trench coat as he walks up to his office. Butterflies erupt in her stomach. The man she insulted then impulsively hugged. The two days off they’ve had since that event haven’t decreased her embarrassment in any way.

He stops two steps lower than her. For once, they’re at eye-level.

“Are you alright?” he asks when he sees her.

She smooths her hair self-consciously. “Erm, yeah. Yeah. So, have you heard back from the investors?”

“Yes, we were lucky, Vera told me they couldn’t stay to watch after all. So they didn’t see that disastrous performance.”

“Oh, good. Whew.” She mimes wiping sweat off her forehead. “Unless they left because they’re not interested in sponsoring us after all.”

“No, they’ll be back next Friday… They said they liked the choristers they met in the lobby.”

“That’d be me and Marcus. Guess choosing me for my good looks is already paying off,” she says it good-humouredly, not an accusation, just banter. She tilts her head to the side with a mischievous smile. “My, what a fetching polo neck you’re wearing today.”

“Pardon?”

“I’m practicing.” She flutters her eyelashes exaggeratedly.

“You might not want to sound so sarcastic.”

“Noted. You really do give the best advice, Mr Peterson.”

“Thank you.” He puffs up his chest slightly. “It comes from my extensive experience as a teacher and mentor.”

“See what I did there? Not so sarcastic this time, was I?”

She smiles smugly, and Roderick rolls his eyes, but there is a certain fondness to the way he shakes his head.

“Well played, miss Crosby, well played.”

“I’ve got it covered. So, we have till Friday to improve and dazzle the investors?”

“Not the word I would’ve used, but, in essence, yes,” he says. “Are you going to the coffee shop?”

“Nah, brought my own tea today. Gotta save money.”

“Ok. I will see you in eighteen minutes.”

Alison skips down the stairs, whistling a show tune.

There’s nothing she can do about the lawsuit now, but there is something she can do about the investors.

They had two days off after the last practice session. She’d spent the better part of them reflecting on Roderick’s words and her behaviour towards the choir. He was right, she was making it all about herself and acting like a brat. She still plans on using the choir to boost her own career, but in order to do so, the choir must perform well and win, and that can only happen if they work together. So last night, carried along by a surge of generosity and fondness towards her fellow choristers, she baked a whole lot of cookies.

In the basement, where they’ll practice today, she folds out a table to display the three batches of cookies (chocolate, double chocolate and shortbread) with cute napkins.

As she waits for the others to arrive, she sings “Tiny Dancer” to herself and explores the room with improvised dance steps.

She spends so much time at the Lux Aeterna theatre now, it feels like a second home. She calls it simply “Lux”, like an old friend. “I’ll be at Lux all day,” she’ll say sometimes. Lux. Light. Even the basement is luminous somehow. Cold November sun streams through small stained glass windows and creates a colourful pattern over the exposed stone wall.

She grew up in places like these: church basements, school auditoriums, community centres. Cupboards full of old costumes and stage props, mismatched chair, yellowing paper on bulletin boards. The scent of dust and incense lingers decades after. Her love of the stage, and backstage, started young, at 4, when a speech therapist suggested she tried singing to overcome a light stutter, and suddenly she could express herself so fluently. These spaces she associates with freedom now.

“Nice choreography,” Marcus says as he rolls down the back entrance access ramp.

Cold wind rushes in with him, and Alison gathers the cowl neck of her sweater dress over her cheeks.

Marcus helps himself to four cookies and, after some small talk about their weekends, cuts to the chase and asks what happened backstage with Roderick last time.

“We had a row. He called me a brat. I called him selfish,” Alison sums up.

“And yet you’re still in the choir?”

“Yeah, it’s all fine now.” She waves dismissively. “I guess he kind of needs me.”

“How so?”

She sits down next to him, leaning forward to confide in him.

“You know how on the first day you asked why he’d chosen me. Well, he told me. It’s for my… sex appeal.”

Marcus removes his cap to run a hand through his light hair. “Whoa. Makes sense, I suppose. Some people think you’re sleeping with him.”

“What? Who? No! They thought we were off shagging backstage or something?” An image flashes through her mind: shutting Roderick up with a kiss mid-argument and being lifted against the wall, amongst the ropes and pulleys, nibbling on the skin under his turtleneck to leave a hickey— she wipes out the thought. “It’s not like that. He’s soooo not into me. That’s just ridiculous. He wants me to, I don’t know, seduce the judges or attract a male audience.”

“Will you? How do you feel about that?”

“There’s no harm in that, is there? I wear something nice, stroke their ego a bit, brighten their day. That’s what I’m best at.” Alison shrugs and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I just feel… daft for thinking he’d chosen me for my voice.”

“Don’t say that. You’re a good singer Alison. Bit of a diva, but nothing that can’t be fixed.” He pats her knee playfully. “It’s like I said that day. He must’ve thought you have a great voice too. He wouldn’t have chosen you for your looks alone.”

“I suppose, yeah. Has he mentioned using your disability?”

“No, but I noticed that whenever there’s a more plaintive part in a song, he always gives it to me. But, hey, I get to sing more than the other blokes. More exposure for me if a talent scout comes to the concert.”

More people come in, and Alison quickly offers them cookies. Some are wary of her sudden generosity, but no one refuses a freshly-baked cookie.

Janet and Abel in particular are grateful for the pick-me-up after what they saw in the lobby: new posters advertising their concert in December. It features a blurry photo taken, unbeknownst to them, during one of their practices and a large close-up of their conductor, with “Roderick Peterson’s choir” written in bold letters. The information spreads as more people arrive, and pictures taken with mobiles circulate.

“We didn’t even get to choose the choir’s name.”

“I reckon we won’t get a say in the setlist either.”

The poster bother Alison too, but mostly because it’s derailing her plan to become everyone’s friend and lead them to victory. Hoping to change the mood, she tells them about the potential sponsorship. “Mr Peterson and I talked, and we agreed that we must impress these investors,” she says. She might be exaggerating her part, and that won’t help with the rumours, but it’s worth it to see Clarissa seethe. Except she’s not the only seething one, the fact that Roderick himself didn’t inform them of this, adds fuel to the fire.

Annoyance rises in Alison, she sighs heavily and crosses her arms. You don’t understand, he cares about us, she wants to say, but bites her bottom lip to stay on their side.

“Why didn’t he tell us last week? We would’ve sang better,” Janet says.

“Because the quality of your performance should not be contingent upon the presence of investors,” says Roderick from the doorway. They all startle and turn around to him. “I expect you to be at your best. Every. Time. Is that clear?” No one dares speak. The threat of eviction from the choir still hangs above their heads. “Besides, you should not concern yourselves with administrative matters.”

Marcus breaks the silence by clearing his throat, everyone watches intently as he rolls up to Roderick. “With all due respect, Mr Peterson, you’re not teaching children anymore. You can consult us.”

Roderick clasps his hands behind his ram rod-straight back. Only a slight contraction around his jaw indicates his annoyance. “Thank you for your opinion, Mr Bailey. Now, let’s begin.”

They take their places in the middle of the room, Roderick at the piano, and sing through the usual warm-ups. Inhale for four beats, and hum the breath out on the same note for another four. Chests lifted, shoulders straight. Their abdomens widen and flatten simultaneously, each of them an alveoli of the same lung. Dissatisfactions are forgotten. Music prevails. “Lauda Mater Ecclesia”, “Saint Nicolas, Op. 42”, “Thou, my love, art fair”.

Alison fights her instinct to draw attention to herself. It’s not easy, just as it isn’t easy for Roderick to give compliments, but he manages to do so. In as much as “adequate” and “reasonable” said looking like he just threw up a little in his mouth can be considered compliments. She likes to think she was instrumental in that change of attitude. It no less surprises her when, at the end of the next practice, he asks, “Which song would you like to work on this week?”

Glances are exchanged, but no titles offered. Alison can’t think of any song what would not cause him to scoff.

“Well?”

Abel hesitantly raises his hand. “Maybe something by Eric Whitacre?”

“Whitacre? Seriously?” The choristers hold their breaths. “Okay, I suppose we can try that.”

The next day, Roderick hands them new scores. “Who wants to sing the solo? Everyone is welcome to try.” He has never asked before.

Alison starts raising her hand, but lowers it. He’s said “the more you try to make it about you, the less it will be”.

“Miss Crosby?” he asks.

“I— I don’t know.”

“This isn’t some test designed to torture you.” He sounds impatient, but there is something encouraging in the way he nods at her.

“Okay.”

“Take 15 to study the score. I’ll see the soloist individually.”

Alison goes into one of the small, soundproof booths that line the basement. As she studies and hums the notes, she realizes how differently she’s approaching this part. Unlike she would have three months ago, she immediately thinks of it in terms of its place in the whole of the song. She wonders how to complement the others rather than stand out.

“I wasn’t ready before,” she remarks when Roderick joins her in the room.

“Show me what you understand now.”

Her pulse quickens. This is her chance. She can’t let him down. She strikes the pose, relaxes her jaw, and sings the first lines.

Roderick interrupts her with a cluck of his tongue. “The notes are perfect. But you must put your guts into it.” He stretches his hand over her stomach and presses it into her flesh.

The contact jolts through her, and she gasps.

“Again,” he commands.

She holds his gaze and leans into his hand. This time, her voice is infused with determination. It erupts from her core until she’s completely out of breath.

“That was better.”

He swiftly leaves the room, leaving Alison to lean against the wall, bewildered.

♪

When Roderick arrives at work the next day, Alison is working in the ticket booth by the entrance of the theatre. It’s not a demanding job— answering phone calls, printing out tickets, selling to the occasional walk-in client— so he knows she has time to talk with him.

He’s just come back from their coffee shop, one black coffee in hand, and a beverage for her too. It’s some awful seasonal concoction. He thought of her when he saw it advertised in the window, and he needed something to smooth things over. His conduct yesterday, touching her like that, was inappropriate. He knew he could get so much more depth out of her. He’d wanted to rouse that boldness she has, and it worked. But she has to learn to engage it by herself.

He places the clear plastic cup in front of her, glad to put the artificial scent of peppermint and vanilla away from him. Her eyes widen at the sight of the indecent amount of whipped cream, but she expresses none of the enthusiasm he expected.

“I didn’t get the solo,” she says.

For a moment, he fails to see the connection. “Oh, miss Crosby, you’ve known me for some time now, have I ever cajoled someone when I was displeased with their performance?”

She giggles and grabs the drink. “Not quite your style, no.” She sips noisily through the straw. “Mmmm. It’s the one called Elf Brew, innit? Want a sip?”

“No. I’m a vegetarian so no elf meat smoothie for me.”

“You’re funny.”

He finds he doesn’t mind this new habit of hers of flirting with him. It’s all a laugh, of course, she doesn’t mean any of it. But it lets him know she’s not upset about what happened.

“So, I didn’t not get the solo?”

“I’m still considering my options. Luisa did very well too.”

“Right, yeah.” She shrugs and swirls the straw around her drink. “I mean, Whitacre's her favourite composer. It’s more her thing than mine. She should probably get it.”

Roderick arches an eyebrow in surprise.

“We’ll find something else that’s a better fit for me, yeah?” she adds.

“That’s more like it.”

She offers a smile that fades quickly. He pretends to take an interest in the brochures around her booth.

“But I’m trying, though,” she says. “I’m making an effort to really be a part of the choir.”

“I noticed.”

He wonders how long that will last, but it seems his words had an effect on her. Just like her words had one on him. She was right, he had been making the choir all about himself. And Marcus was right too, he isn’t teaching children anymore. It’s all getting in the way of his success.

“I decided to make changes to the posters that created such a stir,” Roderick announces.

“Really? That’s very cool of you. ”

“Today in fact. Can you do something about your face?” He gestures vaguely in front of her.

Her smile vanishes. “What’s wrong with my face?”

He could kick himself for phrasing his request like that. He explains that a photographer will arrive shortly to take new photos for the promotional material. She rushes to the bathroom with her handbag. Ten minutes later, Alison comes out with a fresh coat of pink lipstick, loose hair and, somehow, glitter on her eyelids.

In the auditorium, the photographer asks her to sing while he snaps photos around her. Then she smiles and poses with a binder of music sheets. He’s efficient, he’s worked with Roderick before and knows what he wants, but he’s taking more pictures than necessary and getting too friendly with Alison. She, of course, is enjoying every minute of it. Roderick should be annoyed with this kind of vain attitude, but she remains professional and focused.

“Beautiful. You’re a natural, luv. Lean over. Okay, cross your arms. Yes. Look at me.”

“Okay, I think that’s enough,” Roderick intervenes.

“But we’re only getting started,” the photographer retorts. “I think we need her in a skirt. No? Okay, you’re the boss. Alison, here’s my card if you’re interested in modelling—”

“She already works for me,” Roderick insists, shoving the photographer’s bag in his arms.

After he’s gone, Alison asks, “D’you want me to tell the others there’s gonna be a photoshoot when they come in? I can text them right now.”

“No, we’re not taking pictures of the others, your face will suffice.”

“It’ll be only me? Outside on the marquee of the theatre? On a busy street in central London? Whoa.” She smiles brightly.

“Well, there will be my face too, and then you underneath me— I mean, under the title. Anyway.”

“I see. I suppose it’s like I’m representing the choir. The others— I just… Okay. No. That’s for the best.”

♪

By Friday, the new posters aren’t up on the marquee yet. Good. Alison doesn’t want them to distract her colleagues on this important day when the investors are coming to hear them sing.

She joins everyone in the auditorium. They all scrubbed up well.

“Nice shirt, Marcus,” she says. “Love your scarf, Janet. Luisa, new haircut? Beautiful. Abel you shaved!” There’s a thickness in her throat that isn’t from stress. She’s overcompensating. She should have insisted her friends be in the promotional photos too. She argues with herself that she let Luisa have the solo. And if her pretty face helps sell more tickets for the December concert, than she’s helping everyone. In a way. Being pretty is her thing, and if that’s all she is, then she bloody well deserves her face on a poster. But the guilt doesn’t go away.

She redirects her thoughts to the present when Roderick walks on stage. He greets the investors who are standing at the back of the room. They haven’t introduced themselves to the choir so as not to raise their hopes. They prefer to watch from a distance to better assess their performance. Love of music isn’t their only motivation, they need this association to reflect well on their business, and their logo on the program to pay off.

Roderick’s gaze sweeps across the choristers, and Alison smiles at him. No vein throbs on his forehead, and the movements of his hands and arms are more fluid; they have his back, and he knows it now.

They run through warm-ups and the song they know best. Nervousness strains their voices a little bit, but they cover up each other’s misses. Luisa sings the solo beautifully, and Clarissa is perfect, of course. Alison simply can’t be mad at either of them.

After the first hour, Vera walks on stage to introduce “your new sponsors.” Alison is the first to shake their hands with a warm smile.

“You have great potential, and our bank always believed in encouraging young talent,” they say in a speech that sounds like a marketing pitch.

True to her nature, after the rehearsal, Alison invites everyone to the Blue Bear pub’s Open Mic night to celebrate. Marcus accepts right away, and convinces others to do the same. Even Roderick agrees after they beg him in chorus. “Only for one drink.”

In the theatre’s lobby, a handyman is putting the new posters for the concert. The ones that feature Alison prominently. She doesn’t usually shy away from attention, but when her friends notice it, she wants the floor to swallow her. She sputters some excuses. Thankfully, Marcus smooths things over. “I’m too happy to be pissed right now, let’s not spoil our mood.” No other complaint is voiced, but Alison knows they’re all still thinking about it.

At the Blue Bear, Javier is surprised to see her. “Your shift only starts in an hour.”

“I know, I brought some friends to hang out and sing. You don’t mind, do you?”

“No, of course, I don’t mind customers.”

“I’ll just grab a few things.” She passes behind the bar and picks up a bottle of whiskey along with glasses.

“Paying customers, yeah?” Javier says.

Elife is there too, with her bandmates. “You didn’t have time to go out for my birthday, but you have time for your new friends?” she accuses Alison.

“I’m sorry. We got the sponsorship! It’s like a team-building activity, it’s work.” She hugs her friend. “I’ll introduce you to Marcus, you can thank me later.”

They push tables together to sit the dozen choristers who came. Roderick sits at the head of the table, he raises his glass to them.

“As Bach once said: ‘I was obliged to be industrious. Whoever is equally industrious will succeed equally well.’”

“That’s it?” Marcus whispers. “Alright. Cheers!”

Janet is the first to go on stage to sing “Back to Black”. Alison’s focus shifts to Roderick. Does he even know Amy Winehouse? She’s a genius just as much as Beethoven. Even sitting at the same table as them, he’s distant. This pub, with its hunting ephemera on the walls and hanging lamps made out of beer bottles, is a far cry from his modern theatre. She’s sure he thinks it’s not good enough for him. Nothing is good enough for him.

She grows annoyed, but she doesn’t know where it’s coming from. Maybe because he called her self-absorbed yet encouraged it by having her pose alone for the photographer. He should have asked the others too or at least explained his decision to them. She’s not the only guilty one. It’s infuriating that he can he be so caring one minute— bringing her tea, finding a solution to her problems, saying she’s sexy, hugging her, smelling good, and that little smile he has sometimes— yet so distant and annoying the next.

Why didn’t he give her a solo? She improved. She worked hard. Why does he want only her face and not her voice? How is she supposed to sing with her guts when all the songs he chooses are hymns to a deity she’s not sure she believes in? Singing with the others is uplifting, but the lyrics are meaningless to her.

“I’ll show him,” she mutters to herself as she makes her way to the stage. Impulsively, she chooses a song by Carly Simon.

Alison keeps the microphone on its stand but puts her two hands over it, she undulates her hips to the first guitar notes.

“You walked into the party. Like you were walking on a yacht,” she sings with a voice deeper than usual.

Her friends cheer when they recognize the song and sing along to the chorus.

“You're so vain. You probably think this song is about you. You're so vain. I'll bet you think this song is about you. Don't you? Don't you?”

She presses her hand to her stomach as she belts out the last lines. It’s cathartic. Her frustration dissolves. She bows to the applause. Feeling better, she saunters off stage.

She crosses Roderick’s path as he’s walking to the exit, putting on his coat.

“You’re going already? It’s not ‘cause of the song, is it?”

“I thought it wasn’t about me,” he says with a playful tone. “I liked it.”

She wishes his approval didn’t make her feel so warm inside.

“Thank you for coming, it means a lot. To everyone.”

“Thank you, Alison. Good night.”

As he walks away, she considers insisting he stays, but Javier calls her to begin her shift.

Alison dons her apron and goes around the tables whiles her friends keep singing on stage. They’re absolutely killing it. Marcus’s rendition of “I Believe I Can Fly” has the crowd cackling, and a few minutes later, he and Elife are snogging like their lives depend on it. Janet and Luisa sing a duet, and are soon joined by a tipsy Abel. And the night wouldn’t be complete without “Bohemian Rhapsody” which she has time to join between two orders.

They stay until closing time, at 11. Alison takes the booze away from them, and goes around wiping tables while they discuss the choir.

“We should sing more songs like we did tonight.”

“We were so good.”

“More people would come to the show.”

“I’ve had enough of bloody hymns.”

“Do you know what we should do? Mash-ups!” Luisa says.

This suggestion is followed by a chorus of enthusiastic agreement.

“Mr Peterson will never let, though,” Janet complains.

“I don’t know,” Alison says. “I mean, he’s been making an effort to talk to us more like we’re actual humans. He’s trying, no?”

“That’s right, he has been making an effort,” Luisa agrees, “since you talked to him.”

They all turn to Alison with intent stares and mischievous smiles.

“Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Because you’re going to ask him to change the setlist.”

“Oh, no, no.”

“Oh, yes, yes,” Janet replies.

“We’ll forgive you for the poster,” Luisa adds.

“Fuck.”

♪

Roderick starts every day by swimming laps in the pool on the first floor of his building. The cool water stimulates his body and mind. He loves to feel the stretch in every muscle from forearm to calf as he crawls and kicks his legs. A musician must stay in shape, but he never liked sports.

When he was 13, his mother (who worried about his social skills and the effect of them of practicing piano alone for so many hours) asked him to join either a sport team or the school choir. He chose music, of course. In no time, he’d surpassed the choir director and was doing the arrangements himself both for the choir and the school band. And thus was born his love of choral music because, for the first time, he was part of a group, of something bigger than himself and free of his father’s shadow. And yet, it’s that feeling of belonging he wanted to run away from today.

He reaches the end of the pool and hangs on to the edge, panting. He hasn’t completed his usual thirty laps yet and he’s already out of breath. The whiskey and late night are affecting his performance. What was he thinking? Fraternizing and drinking with them. The frontier between conductor and choristers must never be crossed. If he gets too close to them, he will lose his objectivity and authority. It will affect his decisions and won’t be good for the choir. Hell, he’d almost given Alison the solo right after she sang for him even if he hadn’t heard the others yet. He had to keep his distance and a cool head.

Of course, keeping his distance would be easier if he hadn’t given her a job at his theatre.

“Hey, Mr Peterson. Here’s your mail,” Alison says, entering his office.

“Thank you.”

No fraternizing. Not crossing the line. He keeps his eyes on the computer and sees a file he saved yesterday, a video that reminded him of her. Bloody hell.

“Wait. There’s something I want to show you, come here.”

She joins him behind the desk, and he plays. It’s woman with bells sewn onto her clothes, each makes a different note, and she plays a medley of Christmas songs by tapping them all over her body.

He watches Alison rather than the video, praying she will think it’s funny. She laughs and he reclines in his chair.

“Oh, this is brilliant.”

“I was thinking we could get you one of those seeing as how you like to draw attention.”

“Oi! Cheeky.” She bumps him with her hip. “I don’t think the others would like that, though.”

Her sharp tone tells him there’s more to her statement, but she changes subject before he can ask.

“Mr Peterson, can I talk to you about something?” She wrings her hands. “Last night, we had an idea.”

“We?”

“Yeah, the whole gang, well, those who were at the pub. We were saying we’d love to sing more popular songs. Maybe do mash-ups? You know, when you take two or three songs and blend them together.”

“Like a quodlibet?”

“Maybe.”

“Darling Alison, the only reason mash-ups work is because there are too many bland, interchangeable songs out there. If a song isn’t interesting enough to perform in its entirety, we should be ignoring it. And if it uses excellent songs, it’s even worse, it completely ruins the integrity of the piece.”

“So you do think pop music has integrity.”

“You missed my point.”

“We could mix them with classical music. Like Steve Hackman did. Coldplay with Beethoven, Drake with Tchaikovski…”

“That little punk.”

“Tchaikovski?”

“Hackman. It’s derivative.”

She crosses her arms and looks at him seriously. He mirrors her pose.

“Alright. If you agree, I’ll do the thing you want me to, you know, be sexy for the judges or whatever.”

“Was refusing ever an option?”

“Well, you can’t force me to be sexy.”

“So far, I haven’t even had to ask you to do it. You charmed the investors of your own accord.”

“I can be ugly.”

“I doubt it,” he replies without thinking.

She smiles and her determination wavers, but not for long. “Flattery won’t work.”

“I doubt that even more.”

“Roderick, please,” she whines.

“We’re not throwing away the songs we’ve already worked hard on. We’re doing a traditional choral concert. That’s it.” He strikes the air with his hand to underline his words.

She sits on the edge of his desk, in front of him. Oh, she’s a stubborn one, but her perseverance doesn’t displease him.

“Can you honestly say the ‘traditional’ way has worked out for you?” she asks.

“Yes! I’m one of the tops in my field.”

“Lately, I mean.”She taps her knee against his. “C’mon, it’d be fun!”

“Alison, this is my livelihood. My life. Fun is not enough.”

Her shoulders slope. He’s getting through to her.

“Okay. I understand. I really do, but—”

“Miss Crosby.”

“No, listen to me.” She leans forward and braces herself on the arms of his chair. “We can do it better than it’s ever been done before. Because of you. Because you’re one of the tops. I trust your judgement and your talent to make the most amazing… quodlibets.”

“If this is another one of your flirting jokes…”

“It’s not.”

It’s hard to think with her so close. Her floral perfume. Her front teeth digging into her lower lip. Her hand so close to his arm, he can feel her warmth. He looks up to the ceiling and sighs.

“Can you come to my home tomorrow?” he asks her.

“Your home?”

“I can hardly carry my whole album collection here. Bring your music, we’ll look through it.”

She squeals and claps her hands, and for a moment he thinks she’s going to hug him again. “Okay, I’ll be there.”

So much for keeping his distance.

[gossipnetwork-blog]

25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/25-tv-events-to-get-excited-about-in-2018/

25 TV Events to Get Excited About in 2018

New year, new TV to look forward to.

Now that it’s finally 2018, it’s time to cut your losses with the fall shows you’ve already grown tired and make some room on your DVRs for everything the new year has to offer because there’s a lot to get excited about.

Kicking things off on New Year’s Day with the return of Arie Luyendyk Jr. as ABC’s latest Bachleor, we’ve narrowed down the 25 TV events worth getting excited about over the next 12 months from a surprisingly deep pool of worthy candidates. Seriously, there’s a lot of promising stuff coming our way. Read on and start programming your DVR!

ABC/Craig Sjodin

Bachelor‘s Big Winter

Kudos to the Bachelor franchise for trying something new in 2018. First, they went back a few years to the pre-Instagram days to find their newest leading man, Arie Luyendyk Jr., and we’re also being treated to what appears to be an international hot tub party known as Winter Games. It all sounds like exactly the fresh Bachelor air we need, and we can’t wait to see how it all goes down, starting January 1.

Freeform

Freeform Gets Grown-ish

It’s time for Zoey Johnson to fly the coop and strike out on her own…-ish. In this Freeform spinoff of Black-ish, debuting January 3, Yara Shahidi takes center stage as the eldest Johnson child embarks on her freshman year at California University with a diverse group of friends helping her navigate her first taste of adult life. Look out for guest appearances from parents Dre and Bow as Anthony Anderson and Tracee Ellis Ross are set to make occasional guest appearances in the comedy, which hails from the mothership’s creator Kenya Barris. 

CBS

Star Trek: Discovery‘s Return

The spore drive is done for and the U.S.S. Discovery is…missing. The finale ended with Lorca (Jason Isaacs) and his team including Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green) evading death and destruction at the hands of the Klingons, only to find themselves some place very unfamiliar. Could our heroes be in the Mirror Universe? Whatever happens, beam us up for more adventures on January 7.

VH1

Tyra Returns on Top

Sorry Rita Ora, but Tyra Banks is reclaiming her America’s Next Top Model throne. Banks is returning on January 9 to host the revived series on VH1 after only serving as executive producer on Cycle 23. This year, expect new terms from Tyra and new competitors: there’s no longer an age limit.

Showtime

Showtime’s Trip to The Chi

If creator Lena Waithe‘s Emmy-winning episode of Master of None, “Thanksgiving,” is any indication, her new Showtime drama is, hands down, one of 2018’s can’t-miss debuts. The Chi, premiering January 7, is billed as a timely coming-of-age story that will explore the humanity behind the headlines sensationalizing the South Side of Chicago. Expect this to be an early Emmys frontrunner.

The CW

A New Superhero

Luke Cage may have come before him, but Black Lightning feels like the first superhero series to finally truly speak to the Black Lives Matter movement. The CW’s latest DC Comics adaptation, starring Cress Williams as the titular hero and premiering Jan. 16, feels timely in a way that few of the network’s other comic book offerings have. If nothing else, it’s just refreshing to have a CW superhero who feels like a damn adult.

FX

American Crime Story Goes Glam

People v. O.J. was great, but The Assassination of Gianni Versace brings a new level of glamour and intrigue to one of last year’s most talked about new series with one of the biggest crimes fashion has ever suffered. Darren Criss plays the serial killer we never before knew we needed him to play, and Penélope Cruz is straight-up iconic as Donatella Versace. We are so there come January 17.  

VH1

Mama Ru Gathers More All-Stars

While some of the queens returning for another chance at the crown barely fit in the label of “star,” let alone “All-Star”—Aja, anyone?—our excitement at finally having RuPaul and her glorious queens back is off the charts. RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3 returns to its new network (VH1) on January 25 to see who will join the ranks of legendary All-Stars and All-Stars 2 winners Chad Michaels and Alaska, respectively. Who are we rooting for? We’ll never tell. (OK, we’ll tell. That crown belongs to Trixie Mattel. Don’t @ us.)

Mindy Tucker/HBO

2 Dope Queens Come to HBO

What’s better than listening to your favorite podcast? Watching it come to life in a series of HBO specials, that’s what! Jessica Williams and Phoebe Robinson bring their acclaimed podcast 2 Dope Queens to the cable network beginning February 2 for four hour-long specials taped before a live audience, tackling topics like “Black Nerds aka Blerds” and “Hot Peen” alongside guests including Jon Stewart and Tituss Burgess. 

Netflix

Netflix Explores Altered Carbon

Netflix is going big with this original series, an adaptation the classic cyberpunk noir novel by Richard K. Morgan. Set more than 300 years in a future where society has been transformed by new technology, consciousness can be digitized, human bodies are interchangeable, and death is no longer permanent, the sci-fi series stars Joel Kinnaman as Takeshi Kovacs, the lone surviving soldier in a group of elite interstellar warriors who were defeated in an uprising against the new world order. Altered Carbon, dropping on the streaming site on February 2, looks expensive and confusing as hell. Count us in.

CBS

Big Brother Turns Celebrity

Already a staple in the U.K., Celebrity Big Brother is finally making its way across the pond for a special edition on CBS beginning February 7. Which of our D-list celebs will sign up to duke it out in the Big Brother house with Julie Chen narrating their every move? We haven’t the slightest idea and we can’t wait to find out.

Lifetime

UnREAL Flips the Script

Did you know that it’s been nearly 18 months since UnREAL signed off for season two? After that creative debacle, you may have pushed the provocative Lifetime series, a fictional account of the inner-workings of a Bachelor-esque reality series, out of your mind. But queens Constance Zimmer and Shiri Appleby deserve better, and it looks like the time off may have helped deliver a third series worthy of their estimable talents. After tackling their first African-American suitor in S2, they’re going the Bachelorette route this time around with Masters of Sex alum Caitlin FitzGerald assuming the role of Everlasting’s (the show within the show) new feminist “suitress.” Could Quinn and Rachel have finally met their match? Tune in on February 26 to find out. 

Good Girls Go Bad

What do you get when you take a Parks and Recreation fave (Retta), a Parenthood breakout (Mae Whitman), and a Mad Men diva (Christina Hendricks), cast them as three suburban moms tired of their lives, and have them rob a local supermarket. Why, the recipe for our most anticipated show of 2018, that’s what. Is it February 26 yet?

Netflix

A Queer Comeback

All things just keep getting better thanks to Netflix’s upcoming revival of the seminal reality series Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Does the new Fab Five (from left to right, Bobby Berk, Karamo Brown, Antoni Porowski, Jonathan Van Ness and Tan France) have what it takes to make us forget about Carson Kressley, Ted Allen and the rest of the OGs? Come February, we’ll find out.

CBS

Round Two of The Good Fight

It’s been a long few months without Diane Lockhart (Christine Baranski) dropping an eff-bomb on our screens. The first season The Good Fight was politically charged and intriguing and the real world hasn’t gotten any less crazy, so Robert and Michelle King have a lot of fodder for new episodes, beginning March 4. Plus Audra McDonald will be a series regular this year, so our hopes of a musical episode just got all the more higher.

ABC

American Idol Returns From the Dead

Did we really want a revival of American Idol so soon after its 2016 (supposed) series finale? Not even slightly. Are we planning to tune in on March 11 to see if Katy Perry was really worth her rumored $25 million salary? You betcha. 

NBC

A New TV Musical Rises

Glee meets Friday Night Lights this spring on NBC, with Moana (Auli’i Cravalho), Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) and Rosie Perez (Rosie Perez) in the starring roles of this Jason Katims-produced high school drama set (where else) in a working class town. This one could either be one of the year’s biggest successes or biggest flame-outs. Tune in on March 13 and judge for yourself.

ABC

Roseanne‘s Return

Revival fatigue is very real, but we for sure will not be able to look away from the return of Roseanne Barr‘s iconic comedy Roseanne, premiering March 27, for two big reasons: 1. Curiosity about how the show explains away the series finale that had Roseanne Conner revealing Dan (John Goodman) was dead and she made the entire series up as a writer and 2. Laurie Metcalf. Metcalf is one of the best actors working today. Any chance to get weekly doses of her we will take.

Hulu

Handmaid’s Trip to the Colonies

Where do you go after being the most-buzzed about new series and winning a slew of awards? That’s what we want to know, The Handmaid’s Tale! Season two, debuting sometime in April, is already well underway and details are being kept under wraps. We do know there will be more Alexis Bledel—sorry, that’s Emmy winner Alexis Bledel to you—and previously unseen parts of Gilead. “What I can tell you, and I’m not joking one bit, is it’s knocking me out where this story is going,” Ann Dowd told E! News. “I literally read the scripts and I think, ‘Oh my god.’ The ideas are genius and so unpredictable and harrowing,” she said. “Plus you see the worlds that you weren’t exposed to before: the Colonies, what that whole world is; those who make it to Canada, what happens there; the pregnancy, how that is coming along. It’s a phenomenally well-written show.”

Bravo

RHONY‘s Extra Dose of Real-World Drama

Arguably the best Real Housewives series on Bravo (go ahead and try to say another is better), Real Housewives of New York City is set to return with last year’s top-tier cast and you know there’s going to be laughs—and drama. Luann de Lesseps was arrested just before Christmas and charged with battery of an officer, disorderly intoxication, resisting arrested with violence and crimes against another person. She’s now in a treatment center. Bravo’s cameras are just itching to start recording and we cannot wait to see what they capture.

John P. Johnson/HBO

A Return Trip to Westworld

Season one felt like nothing more than a prelude, an introductory course to this world where nothing is as it seems and everyone watching wised up to the twists down the road much sooner than anyone writing expected. But now that the robots have taken over, making the demented amusement park at the center of this HBO sci-fi/western pastiche a true free-for-all, we can’t wait to see what happens next when Westworld finally returns this spring.But it better involve Maeve (Thandie Newton) kicking some ass.

FX

Atlanta, at Long Last

One of 2016’s most surreal and delightful new shows, Atlanta feels like it’s been gone forever. Apparently creator and star Donald Glover was too busy being very famous and employable to give us more in 2017, so we’ll take whatever he can give us in 2018. 

Netflix

Robin Wright’s House of Cards Reign

Robin Wright has always been the best thing about House of Cards and now she gets to truly own the show for its sixth and final season. After allegations of sexual misconduct by Kevin Spacey came to light, the status of the Netflix series was in question. After deliberation, Netflix and Media Rights Capital said the show must go on¬—without Spacey. Wright’s Claire Underwood ended season five in power, now we get to see her wield it triumphantly.

The CW

Sabrina Gets Spooky

Inspired by the success of Riverdale‘s dark take on Archie Comics, WB and Netflix are teaming up to create the show of our teenage dreams. The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (you know, the teenage witch) is already our favorite thing to binge and we know absolutely nothing about it yet. Even if we only get a cast in 2018, we are here for it. 

Sipa

Feud Goes Royal

After Feud‘s spot-on casting for Bette and Joan, we can’t wait to see who Ryan Murphy lands in the lead roles for the anthology’s upcoming second installment, Charles and Diana. We have our thoughts on who will fill the royal shoes of Prince Charles and Princess Diana, among others, but we’re sure that Murphy will still manage to surprise us. 

Which TV event are you most excited about for 2018? Sound off in the comments below!

(E!, Bravo and NBC are all part of the NBCUniversal family.)

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[lifeisshrug]

science march 4-22-17

i’m not marching today. The science march is overtaking DC and it’s earth day but yet i’m #optinginside. Bill Nye is there, as is questlove (main MC??). CEO of Nature Conservancy is there. Most of my friends are there. Not me, today. Not really sure why. Wanting an indoor day to myself, mainly. I’d also really like to be perched out aside a stream in the middle of the woods and just watching life pass me by, but I’m not up for the struggle of getting to a destination with parade traffic, nor do i really long for congested trails full of newbs and tourists. 

It is also a rainy day and i worry that my outdoor toughness is softening; perhaps i just don’t want to get rained on? Pull yourself together, man. 

Yesterday was a normal friday at work, except that it was a busy morning (annoyingly, thanks boss); had lunch in the sun; procrastinated in the afternoon; ditched at about 4 and met Grace in the sculpture garden fountain on constitution. we sat in the sun and talked about her people watching (she’d had lunch with adriane and stuck around in the city). She’d written some stream of consciousness stuff (we’re currently trying to write some songs together) about wishing she could stop protecting her heart, and wishing she could do away with her plans and escape and go on adventures. She mentioned the man on the street, that she’d left out something he said: “all my thoughts are noble thoughts because all my thoughts are moral” or something like that. She’d told a friend of this sentence, and the friend suggested grace and i’s band be called “Noble Thoughts,” which i thought was neat and better than any water-themed thing i could have thought up. i left her at the metro station on Pennsylvania and 7th; she was having a yoga-class friend stay the next few nights, as she was between places. I brought up homelessness; Grace inquired, and hoped i’d share my experience working on that at another time. Looking forward to seeing Hurray for the Riff Raff with her Sunday. 

Grace’s voicemail, upon encountering the man: alright, listen. so iwas just walkin home from yoga class, walkin down the street, with my yoga mat in my backpack. and on the other side of the street there’s this old man in a red blazer and a red american flag hat with the tags still on it and a big old beard and a guitar, sitting on the park bench waiting for the bus across the street. He looks like a homeless guy. And he yells at me “hey you, you there! watcha got in that backpack?” and i said “welp, its a yoga mat.” and he said “well i thought it was a musical instrument! Can you fit a musical instrument in there?” And I said “well, I sure do, i got a kazu and spoons and..” he says “well come on over here and lets sing us a song!” So i went on over there and i brought out my spoons and my kazu anddddd (laughing) and show them off to him a little bit. and he says “well that’s great!” and he tells me that he’s just come from the Railroad Evangelists Society where they talk about evangelizing the lord and model trains. And he keeps talking about this and i tell him im a unitarian and don’t believe in evangelizing and he said “well i used to be a unitarian too until i met my devil wife; she’s dead now, bless her, and to everyone else it was a blessing.” and he starts telling me about life and std’s and a second wife and that he liked to sleep around...” and he was a hoot. it was really funny. and i said ‘you know i gotta go, so lets sing a song and ill be on my merry way. so he gets out his guitar and says you’ll know this one; and he starts playing his guitar and it is soooo out of tune that you can’t even pretend that it’s in tune, but he keeps playing as if he doesnt notice; and he starts singing a song and the bus pulls up and i say “sir nice to meet you but i gotta get on” and winked at the bus driver as i walked away. anyway, i wanted to tell you that. He gave me his address in case i wanted to write him letters, and so that we can look him up to jam sometime, if you’re interested. *laughs* ok, bye.

Last night was beer club. I brought along the new belgium ‘tartastic,’ a light lemon ginger sour and trekked over to Emily’s new apartment on 3rd and I, with Sam. I also brought along my empty can of Pure Water Brew (by clean water services). Clara joined. It was the usual gang -- carlos, emily, sam, les, monica and josh, and the rest of josh/carlos’ friends who i still don’t really know that well after all these months. the theme was “green beer” in time for earth day. So when it was my turn, i started rambling about the ingredient that is most central to beer -- water -- and basically explained the crux of the issues I’m working on at EPA in order to paint a picture, and then explained that the Pure Water Brew was the perfect beer with respect to not contributing to those problems; and i explained my lament that i could not actually share it with anyone. Somebody asked if folks could one day get over the stigma of drinking beer made from poop water, and i smiled big and said “YES! And i’ll tell you why! Think about the water system we have. When you flush or whatever, all that water goes to the community wwtp, where it is cleaned to pretty paltry standards, and then released into the river -- millions of gallons worth a day -- and then the next town downstream sucks it in and makes their drinking water out of that. By the time potomac water gets to DC Water’s drinking water intakes, it’s supposedly gone through 7 or 9 people already. and so when folks ask me the poop water question, i simply say, ‘dammit, we’re all already drinking it anyway!’” and it went over pretty decently, actually. Anyway, people cheered for my “ted talk” and i was glad i brought it up, even though i’d only given it a little thought so my coherence wasn’t where it needed to be. the rest of beer club was a hoot, and we played with the pug Frank (emily’s roommates’) until we lost him; until we realized his momma had just snagged him. Everyone’s beer pitches were top notch and the voting was convoluted as ever (went with the “French” model of elections); Beer club is never a bad time. 

I quickly typed out my thoughts regarding the “ted talk on water and beer” that i started rambling about during beer club:

***

Given that we're doing green beer, it's earth day, and my beloved EPA is waiting in line for the guillotine at the moment. I wanted to talk a little bit about the ingredient that composes 99% of beer: water. Not only is this a key component of beer and almost every other commodity known to man, but it's also my trade so I want to rant about it a little bit.

What i am about to say is true about the entire world since the dawn of "civilized" man and industry, but it is particularly applicable to the US since 1492. According to the people of the united states, the US government, and private business, waterways have been one thing and one thing only: garbage cans. While large, navigable waterways have been thought of as passages for travel, all surface water bodies -- lakes, streams and rivers -- have been used primarily as the garbage cans of a productive society. Nearly everything that can be bought and sold in the US relies on intakes of surface water for the manufacturing process, and subsequently the disposal of used water back into the river, stream or lake. From factories producing batteries and Teslas and RC car toys and paper and pens and steel and plastics and cardboard and rubber garbage cans and blue jeans, to hog farms and paper mills, to coal power plants...all of these require an input of "clean" water, and during the manufacturing process, that clean water becomes dirty, and that water is treated to a minimal standard and then put back into the river or stream.

Consider the battery factory: they rinse their machinery and battery casings with water and create ionized metallic solutions for dipping, among other things; and the result is brine water full of arsenic, nickel, varieties of sodium. Take a coal fired power plant: water is drawn in to keep the smokestacks cool, and also to become steam which powers the turnbines that generate the electricity. It creates waters containing high levels of mercury, arsenic, lead, selenium, and other metals. My boss actually just led the rule writing to regulate to what standard coal plants have to clean that water before discharging it, and it became law in the last year, but now Pruitt is moving to erase it. But anyway, In both examples, the water is treated to remove part of the metals to the standards Congress allows EPA to set -- which are not stringent -- and then put back into the river.

And how could I forget poop! Whenever you flush, wash dishes, shower, laundry or whatever, that gets sent down the line to the community wastewater treatment plant. The solids are removed from the water, the water cleaned to the minimal accepted standard, and then "discharged" back into the river. And that discharge heads on downstream. So consider how our urban areas are set up. You have communities up and downstream of each other. So discharges from communities upstream remain in the water available for those downstream. Pretty elementary stuff, right? But this highlights a fundamental flaw in our system. You see, pollution /discharges were completely unregulated in the United States until 1948 and only then marginally until the 70's. That's the Clean Water Act that we know today. 

The problem with it is two-fold: first, we expected that we don't need to treat discharges to a very safe standard, because when we sucked the river water back in downstream, we could just treat the crap out of it and human health would be fine. That worked a 100 yrs ago, when clear water that didn't smell bad was assumed safe. But now our technology to detect specific contaminants is so much better, and we realize that cleaning crappy water (no pun intended) is actually really hard to do and expensive. Cleaning out hormones and nitrates, or microscopic plastic shedded from synthetic clothing in the washing machine, is super hard to treat, for example. For really big places like DC, DC Water has the economy of scale to afford all this crazy cleaning technology to superclean the drinking water. Which is important, because Potomac river water has been "through" 7 people and god knows how many manufacturing processes before it is treated and sent to your tap. DC Water can basically strip everything out but the hydrogen and oxygen and then literally have to add minerals back into the water to prevent health problems among us DC folks.

But small communities who lack much buying power? They get what they get. If they sit far downstream of a bunch of industrial activity and towns, and they can only afford some basic filters and chlorine, not the gizmos DC water can afford...what's going into their bodies? And this doesn't apply to just the drinking water plants; think about the wastewater plants. Some of them can turn wastewater into water so pure it can be used for anything, including drinking water. But what about communities that can't afford such technology? Many communities in rural areas can only afford what's called "lagoon" treatment -- literally a lagoon that allows sewage solids to settle to the bottom and microbes to partially disinfect the water on top, which then gets sent into the river. That kind of treatment doesn't do much for things like pharmaceuticals and heavy metals that may have ended up in the waste water.

It also does not address nutrient pollution. For those who forgot their 7th grade science, nutrient pollution comes from various sources and is mostly nitrogen and phosphorus. These are the two primary fertilizers required for optimized monoculture plant growth, and they are prerequisites for mankind's existence. But but we also release what consume in some form, and sewage contains tons of n and p. Additionally, in order to assure a sufficient crop yield, the US encourages Ag to use more fertilizer than necessary out of caution; and water events (rain, floods, farm animals like cows walking around in streams) result in this fertilizer, largely intact, running into rivers streams and lakes (along with animal wastes, which contain a ton of N and P). The result of excessive N and P in our waters is excessive microbial growth, like harmful algal blooms (which release neurotoxins into waters that cannot be filtered out, and Sidenote, these have been occurring more frequently on slow moving rivers and lakes near drinking water intakes). N and P are why the gulf of mexico has a dead zone.

And none of this involves other water issues. Everybody knows about flint now. But what about migrant families in the Central Valley of ca, where over fertilizing of crops results in nitrates in the groundwater, which these families must drink, and they boil the water out of fear of contamination, because the community water system is essentially third world, but boiling only concentrates the nitrates, which results in chronic health issues and birth defects? And that EPA wants to help fix that, but families don't bring attention to it because they think federal assistance will get the attention of ICE? And everyone knows about the ground sinking in California from pulling out too much groundwater, but what about the ground sinking in Virginia, of all places, because groundwater is drawn faster than it can be replenished, resulting in more flooding and saltwater fouling coastal groundwater that families rely on for drinking? Or what about mid size communities that can afford to do some innovative things to avoid these issues I'm ranting about, but the water rates are controlled by the city council, and since they want to be reelected, they keep the rates low, which deprived the water system of investment fund and ultimately prevents the community from doing "the right thing" and instead maintaining the status quo -- which is really the story across America, actually.

Anyway, back to that urban model. all this waste water full of n and p and contaminants goes through basic treatment, right? and then most of it ends up in the river. But we have technology now that can pull the N and P out during treatment and turn it back into commercial fertilizer, which effectively reuses it without letting it run downstream, and raises money for the community when it's sold. And we can take the poopy solid waste and turn it into fuel that powers the entire water plant, plus electricity for homes nearby. A few communities can afford these innovations, but most cannot. By capturing those nutrients, it prevents us from needing to import phosphorus from the middle east and other areas (which we need to do, to maintain current farm yields-- and by the way, it's going to run out in the coming years, and yet we're literally letting it flush down the drain...); it also prevents almost all of our n and p ending up on the sea floor in the gulf of mexico, having been discharged and ending up in the Mississippi River. The energy component would reduce how much electricity is required to clean and produce drinking water, which consumes a little over 2% of all electricity produced in the US.

There are so many challenges and opportunities associated with this way of doing things, with obtaining and managing water. One of the big three. Food, water, shelter. It was a beautiful system 100 yrs ago, but now we understand what needs work...and it's gonna cost money we don't have. Meanwhile, those with the least are being affected the most, as I think is typical. It's not all that surprising that EPA spends most of its time helping folks in trump country have safe drinking water and paying for their sewage treatment, and trump is looking to eliminate those funds.

So it's really important to think about what water touches and it's nexus with our daily lives. What am I sending down the drain? How did my food and my clothes and my purchases ruin or improve the water that other people - or God forbid, other creatures -- depend upon? If my city council or utility commission is considering raising the water rates...is it for a good reason? Probably. How can I help get clean and safe water to those who don't have it? Maybe water isn't  the loudest of issues right now, but take it from me, water problems are Americas best kept secret. Most scholars call it "Americas largest looming crisis" ...and there's a reason mark twain said "whisky is for drinkin and water's for fighting about."

Which brings me to ways we can help solve these issues! Beer is a great start.

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