#okay be so fr right now. are these getting boring?? cause I can stop lmao

[sentientsky]

“Bloodshot,” Julien Baker

hello my beloveds <3 enjoy some more angst

[juuls]

Pharmacist/Me = 1 🏆 Doctor/Nursing Staff = 0

Thank you in advance for reading this rant. I’ve been really frustrated and just needed to get this off my chest, and today at least I had a wonderful knight in a white lab coat. 🩺❤️‍🩹🥽🥼💪🏻

Content warnings and squicky squicks: (further down there is) an image of a medical vial with a clipped image of a more benign part of a syringe, health conditions (endometriosis, fibromyalgia), menstrual cycles and associated terms such as bleeding and other things, lack of empathy in my specific healthcare system, hysterectomies, pain, swearing and losing patience. Most important warning: self-administered syringes and injection discussions of legal medications (Depo-Provera) approved of by professionals and properly researched. P.S. this may sound rather Karen-like but I would never do this to someone’s face. Online ranting and acknowledging where I could do better is not the same as screaming in public for bossy requests or comps, etc. Ew.

Another ‘warning’… pharmacists being kick-ass allies and giving a damn about their patients.

I’m really annoyed because (and I know healthcare and scheduling is a clusterfuck right now, but…) for over a month now I’ve been trying to get an appointment in person to get this injectable medication that is, yes, birth control, but is also used for endometriosis in my case. And I have severe endometriosis (exacerbated severely by fibromyalgia, siiiiigh) to the point I bleed enough and lose so much I have to go to the hospital when my care is not properly preventative… like in this case, and the pain is unbelievably severe also to the point I’ve spent time in the hospital, including my 11th Christmas Eve and Day. I started this injectable medication at 13 because it was the only thing that came close to helping reduce my endometrial tissue. Even a hysterectomy wouldn’t help as much, unless they decided to go the super invasive route and remove all the organs (or parts of them) that had become ‘infected’ by the tissue. Again, tissue where it’s not supposed to be, and it causes extreme pain as the tissue tries to flush out of my body each period, even if it’s attached to, like, my pancreas. Just no. That does not work at all. No. That is not fun.

SO. I’m 31, nearing 32, and the doctor’s office knows this. I’ve had the same doctor since I was 10. Been on this medication nearly non-stop for just shy of two decades (with appropriate precautions such as bone density tests) because of the absolute severity of the pain and my inability to function when it hits… which can be months at a time of non-stop bleeding and morning sickness-level nausea and vomiting, migraines and the occasional complete inability to move—in other words, it’s debilitating.

My doctor (even the nurses, as it’s in large print at the top of my file in the system) knows all about this. They’re supposed to call me if I’m overdue by a certain margin (I get they’re busy but months and months???). But my doc’s also a bit of an airhead (albeit a smart one when he focuses) and takes forever to reply to anything on time, even when it’s a severe issue, but not severe enough to go to the hospital. But it’s gotten to the point where the nurses say to go to the ER and then the ER nurses and doctors there get SUPER pissed off (AT ME AND SOMEHOW NOT AT MY DOCTOR/NURSES AND THEIR ORDERS) at the ‘waste of time’, and it’s just a clusterfuck.

Oh yeah, and that ER visit while I was overdue for my injection? Internal intestinal bleeding along with a lovely, even if small, perforation in my fucking uterus from the growth of endometrial tissue. I MEAN COME ON — WHAT IN THE HELL. Totally preventable if they fit me in when I called literally over a month ago.

But I will not change my doctor (the other docs at the practice know what is going on and have offered to take me on, but they don’t have the experience with myself and my conditions or the history, but they can do little else because of professional conduct—it’s between myself and my doc) because he is the only one who treats me with humanity and understands fibromyalgia, endometriosis, pre-MS and pre-RhA/PsA, endo-related IBS, (ulcerative) colitis, and other neurological conditions with any degree of empathy. (See, I told you I’m a mess!) There is no way I’m switching offices in the perpetual shortage of doctors in Canada moving elsewhere for m o n e y (plus Covid-19 being a teen hooligan and constantly coming back to wreck more goddamn shit, including everyone’s sanity, then setting things on fire like the real hooligans in my village have been doing this summer — I mean… what in the hell!?!?), so with all that in mind I actually thank my lucky stars. So I put up with a lot of this shit because he treats me, besides him being an airhead, like an actual human being deserving of compassion and care and quality of life despite my severe disabilities and pain. So.

I’m usually treated really well (even if they often think I’m a nuisance for daring to be severely chronically ill/in pain all the time) so I try to be patient and good and understanding when I can.

But his STAFF (I know they’re busy and I’ve been patient but they’ve been so awful honestly to the point I cried hard enough my dad noticed my red eyes and frustration-tear fracks on my face)! And the doc himself’s inability to reply to notes on time even when urgent and when he knows the circumstances (I admit I am a bit of a hard patient so I can understand if he just kinda ignores me sometimes, honestly). But in this case I was THREE DAMN MONTHS LATE for my injection and they’ve always called in the past when I was coming due if it looked like I hadn’t scheduled an injection, so that I was all on time and squared away and didn’t risk severe pain and damage to my already-fucked hormonal system (learning I couldn’t have kids was absolutely heartbreaking, let me tell you, but even a hysterectomy in that case would solve nothing — this is by far the easiest option, especially considering how my fibromyalgia would fuck with my post-surgery recovery and leave me with lasting pain for years if not decades; sigh).

Anyway. So. After some ridiculous levels of back and forth and some truly remarkable levels of lack of compassion (she kept giving me the exact same, word for word response in a bored tone UGH) considering the severe pain I was in (I was told, in front of OTHER PATIENTS AND STAFF, that I could just wait until I talk to the doctor myself at my next phone appointment and then schedule my injection for my next MONTHLY followup — 4.5 months overdue at that point, it would’ve been — because, and I quote, ‘am used to dealing with pain because of my fibromyalgia and years of dealing with it and other conditions’ which they named in front of others!!!!!!!! what. the. fuck. But I kept my cool because I know all these people, my mom taught their kids music, they’re a fixture of the community, etc. and I refuse to be a Karen…. At least externally.

But here comes the nice part that makes me love our new (okay, he’s been here like 5 years but still, in a small town that’s pretty new lmao) pharmacist that much more. Rasik was aware of my frustration with the doctor and nurses and was even the one who brought to my attention that, at the time, I was 2 months late for my injection and he was a bit concerned since he’s privy to how much pain I exist in without throwing in one or more knives directly into my womb, ovaries, tummy, hips, and other areas my endometrial tissue has taken root. He’s such a sweetheart and he really does care for his patients— the work he does with my father’s diabetes (the tricky one where you’re not obese) management is above and beyond the call of a pharmacist and I will forever be grateful for that alone, never mind how he cares for me.

So I went in today to pick up another medication, after yet another frustrating stop-over at the nurses’ desks, and he suggested I ask for my injectable medication (it’s Depo-Provera, by the way) and the syringe plus the two tips necessary — I’m actually familiar with this since I had to learn epinephrine injections from an early age (not Epipen) and how to give testosterone daily to my ex-husband (sorry not sorry, dude, but congrats on your first kid *grouchy thumbs up*). But yeah! Legally he’s not allowed to suggest I give it to myself, but he was getting super fed up with the nurses and doctors dragging their feet and ‘being assholes with little empathy’ in his own words, so I took the hint and requested my vial plus syringe, as well as the drawing and injection gauge needles…. which he gleefully filled for me, and I reiterated that it was ‘fully my idea, not yours, Rasik, because everyone knows I’m dumb and would never think it’s you if something happened’ (I’m not dumb and I’ve given injections to others many times looool).

Long story short: HERE’S TO PHARMACISTS AROUND THE WORLD, BEING AMAZING AND CARING FOR THEIR PATIENTS AND ‘BENDING BUT NOT REALLY BENDING’ THE RULES TO MAKE SURE THEIR CLIENTS ARE CARED FOR PROPERLY. They are amazing and deserve every last bit of your courtesy, especially when they pull double duty every. single. day. because of Covid and their subsequent boosters. (i.e. boosters in the form of humans who are fucking stupid if they have no medical reason not to get the vaccine… I mean JFC.)

Rasik? You are amazing and I am 100% going to find you some Indian-Canadian (or North Indian; I believe that’s where he’s from originally) treats or desserts or make some myself after slyly asking his assistant what he leans toward liking.

Be kind to one another, yeah, but… my goodness: be kind to those who can truly make a difference in your health, sanity, and even life or death.

Pharmacists, volunteers, and frontline health workers: the true heroes of these times.

Thank you so much. So very much.

💜💙🇨🇦👨🏽‍⚕️❤️‍🩹🙏🏻

P.S. … now I just gotta stab myself intramuscularly after making sure there’s no air bubbles and etc., and swap out to the proper gauge needle (different, smaller, to draw from the vial, larger to inject so that it goes in more quickly and, oddly enough, hurts less haha). I don’t think air bubbles are as much of an issue as when injecting intravenously (ummm I have a doctor uncle and grandma nurse and nurse friends, so shush 😆). But I’ve done this for others and animals so I should be good! :)

I’m a smart enough cookie even if I’ve lost a few nibble-size pieces around the edges. 😉😘 buahaha

Cheers to my pharmacist!!!! You are amazing and I can’t wait for the pain and months and months of bleeding to settle down.

Remind me again why humans are the only mammals (animals?) with monthly fluxes? UGH wtf ever. 🙃

[aniszulyka]

Review & Collective Haul - Feb 2017

hi u guyssssssssssssssssss! wht’s up?! hope u guys have a nice day today. i’m back with a new post which will turn out to be a long & boring post. i guess, i don’t know. u guys judge. anyway, it’s finally 三月! I’M SCARED. SPM result day is just around the corner. i wish i could pack all my stuffs and move to mars or any planets that i could survive for just a day.

March 4th; so, i went to 6th Putra Canselor Carnival Charity Night Run 2017. it was lit & suuuuuuper fun (except when i realised that i left maria behind). didn’t win any medals. i’m fat & late. i know, i’m proud of it. aha.....................

the only proper photo of us from the charity night run, i guess. hahaha. (elyas went mad bcs i didn’t invite him lmao)

(u guys know that u guys can skip this part kan? haha) these are wht we got from the goodie bag except for the certificate. we’ll get the certificate after running. as usual. we got three salonpas pain relief patch, two MOG vouchers (i have three cause i got the other one masa register PCC), apollos, glow in the dark sticks & the glow in the dark shirt. imma use the voucher to buy contact lenses. muahaha. ok................

i ran a poll on my twitter. so, let’s get started. shall we? 

oh anyway, this is only for make up. okay? okay.

first thing i got here is one of the qwin eyeshadow palette. actually, my aunt bought for me. (thank u maksu!!!!) i didn’t ask her to but she paksa me to pick one. haha. i bet this palette is definitely remind u of morphe palette. same right? 

this isn’t fake morphe or anything, this is qwin. suuuuper pigmented, i don’t know why it didn’t really come out when i swatched the eyeshadow on my hand. but it really works on eyes. i swear. u know, instead of u waste ur freakin money on fake morphe which is not pigmented at all, buy qwin instead. recommended from me!!!!!!!! i give 4.5/5 for this. anyway, u can check em out on their instagram & facebook. 

wallaaaaa! if u guys are wondering, this is qwin all matte palette. they got more colours. go check em out!!! 

i don’t know where this brand come from but somewhere in asia, of course. the box is all in chinese characters & i can’t understand any of em hahaha. i mean the information abt it. so this brand is from china???? i don’t know. i bought this at Kio Da. this is insiti bronzers in shade of 02. works on me really well. pigmented. i give 3/5. i don’t know how to explain abt this product fr u guys cause i don’t have any informations of it. but the packaging is so cute!!!! love it.

next, i got the green tea repairing spray with tea extract from miniso, nu sentral. it’s not mine but i don’t know it’s also mine? cause i share this with my mom. it says here that it used as a toner to supply moisture after cleaning your face. it smells really good! like green tea. wait... ofc... haha it feels good actually, not bad. i give 3.5/5. if u are wondering, i don’t use this all the time as a toner. for toner, i’m using the l’oreal paris hydrafresh spa water. it feels really fresh, i swear. u guys shld try.

some of my friends ask me personally abt the catrice cosmetics. like how good is the foundy? is the coverage good? where did i get that? that’s why i’m here for right haha answering all the wondering. wait what? ok nevermind. 

i got the all matt plus - shine control make up in the shade of 015 vanilla beige. it says here that it longlasting shine control make up with light-reflecting pigments for a satin-matt and even complexion. hydrating, oil-free, dermatologically tested. okay, for me, it’s true. the coverage is good and longlast! i swear. it is. go. buy. haha i got this from drugstore em guardian, nearby my house. u guys can get this from guardian nearby or i know not all guardian have catrice. u can also check on guardian’s website. they have, don’t worry. it’s good, really good. i give 5/5 for this foundy!

next, i got the allround concealer palette, also from catrice cosmetics. also got it from guardian nearby my house. the coverage is good. u know, i have lots of scars. everyone knows that. my skin is sick. works on me really good! but i don’t put it too much cause i don’t like cover all of my scars. like fully-covered. i mean, u shld proud of urself. y u shld malu of urself. right? haha. but yeah, still got it lmao. u guys shld get it too! 4/5 for this!

continue, i got the shiyokubutsu beauty skin makeup base in the shade of pink. i bought from miniso. it is a block cream. it says here that plant essence is condensed in the fine cream, soft and comfortable. the product can serve as a make up foundation and block and can beautify ur skin at the same time. it can cover flaws on ur face only with a thin layer, make ur skin whiter, adjust ur uneven skin, brighten ur complexion, block pollutants from outside and modify ur makeup in general. it is soft and longlasting, helps u get a perfect makeup. which is true.

i put on foundation after put the makeup base on. not just that. the coverage is da boom! ceh takda la smpai mcm tu haha. the coverage is good. really good. hahahaha. and i always use this. i give 4.5/5 for this! yay now go get yours. 

i never have a makeup remover before bcs i only use the makeup wipes to remove my makeup. before i bought this, i did a research abt this & it says with just one wipe, all ur makeup gone, haha. its true but to make sure its really clean, wipe more! haha i got this eye&lip makeup remover from miniso. it’s good!!! & cheap & i give it a solid 5/5! 

(the ugliest swatches ever!!!) i got these lippies from bae & co. cosmetics in the shades of twice, sistar & exid. their matte liquid lipsticks are so... em i don’t know how to explain. it burned my lips for the very first time. i don’t like it. i feel regret for buying em all but it finally works really good. i mean, they don’t burn my lips anymore. smell so good. like chocolate. i feel like imma eat those lippies if they r the only thing that is exist & no food. haha 

this one time i was putting on the lippies in the car and my dad was like “kakak makan apa tu? nak sikit” whattttt?????? hahaha it’s a matte liquid listick, u can’t eat that. the colours are pretty. i like it now. i give it 3/5 for this. u can check em out here.

THESE ARE THE BEST MATTE LIQUID LIPSTICKS EVER!!!!!! if u guys are a lippies collector, u guys shld have zhuco in ur freakin organizer at least TWO LIPPIES. i don’t know, i’m a big fan of zhuco cosmetics. imma buy all of their lippies later. i’m running out of money right now. hahahaha. i got these in the shades of 04 milky way & 22 move on.

ok why i love zhuco so much: it feels really good. like u are putting lip gloss or lip balm or something that will moisturize ur lips before u put on matte liquid lipsticks. this one, u don’t have to do that. i swear siapa pernah tgk video king coco kata bibir u takkan pecah mcm usual lippies. it is freakin true. it is so good. the packaging is also pretty, i love it so much........... 

also i adore the founder & co-founder of zhuco cosmetics; zura & shera. they are sabahan & sabahan are pretty. u guys admit that as well right. i can give it a solid 5/5!!!! go get yours! u can check em out here.

i think i’m gonna stop here. it is 3:41am right now. i’m not sleepy, i don’t know why i can’t sleep. i’m sorry if the quality of the photos are not good like before. i’m using different camera for these photos. my sister doesn’t allow me to use her dslr. so i’m only using the canon G11 & i think the quality of the photos aren’t that good. i hope u guys enjoy reading everything u guys wanted to know. feel free to ask me personally if tk puas hati dgn review haha. i’m sorry for my bad english or grammatical error and stuff. huhu ok bye!

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