#okay but like... i had azem thoughts today and

[hyeonkiart]

endwalker spoilers

[sword-and-lance]

((okay I guess I'm in a rambling mood today but also like

Nemesis was supporting Venat technically but like. not because she even thought it was the best thing to do

it was mainly just the only option anyone fucking had, given that Azem ran off and everyone else was gung-ho about the whole "human sacrifice loop" thing

and also, after Hyth/Apollo went and sacrificed himself she uh

went a bit around the twist out of sheer grief and rage about it because yeah they didn't like one another but that was still her little brother and their adoptive dad had already sent himself to his doom there too

like the only reason the Final Days didn't eat her alive like it did everyone else who felt strong emotions was because she had her blood magic and could just force her body to stay in-line instead of warping into a hellcritter

so anyone coming up to her with a plan about how to so thoroughly stick one in the Convocation's collective eye was gonna get her support no matter how good or how horrible it was

(coincidentally Dae herself falls somewhere in the middle, opinion-wise, on the morality of the whole thing with what Venat did turning herself into Hydaelyn: yes it actually pretty sucks because it caused a huge amount of suffering and a fair bit of the time, suffering doesn't make anyone stronger, it just hurts and that's it, but also like what the fuck ELSE was anyone supposed to do in that situation, the other option was so much goddamn worse and no one had any time to come up with a better third option! there were no winning moves there and you couldn't just not play either!)

and there's also the rather thorny matter of Lahabrea probably being one of the main architects of that whole thing and she genuinely thought he was a better man than that and that did not help that ragey bastard-ness of hers in the slightest

in fact I currently HC that he wasn't even one of the handful of Convocation members that wanted to off her! he wanted to actually go fucking talk to her and try to bring her around to it because he still thought she could be convinced, and he was rather pissed to learn that they had just gone behind everyone's backs and threw a bunch of magic rock-critters at Nemesis until she went and ripped open a hole to the Abyss right under her house after brawling with them for a while

but really her mind was already made up and even if he had tried to talk to her he'd have gotten literally nowhere

she was just gone at that point and there's a reason that the Abyss

y'know an interdimensional critter that loooooves feeding on emotion

was so enamored with her that it actually went and got her reincarnated

and it wasn't just because it wanted a window into the physical world to go sightseeing))

[okami-zero]

Endwalker

So I am glad I decided to postpone taking that quest until today because...

I just finished it. I finished Endwalker (well, 6.0, at any rate).

Cut for spoilers

So when we got to Ultima Thule, I really did not know what to expect. Then Thancred goes missing (which I dreaded as soon as I saw him go at Meteion). And then I figured Estinien was going to provoke the indolent dragons back to some semblance of their former selves, but nope! And and and... I mean, even without the focus, I could rather tell which Scion was going to square off with which tortured nihilist souls. Fucking Raha MADE ME CRY, GODSDAMMIT. The song playing for that part prolonged it, just...

And then THE TWINS MADE ME CRY. (SQUEENIX I SWEAR TO HALONE YOU LET ME HUG ALISAIE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!) But what really got me bawling was after the twins.

The walk. And hearing all those voices (including some no longer with us). I was mostly recovered from the twins, but then the first voice came at me and I'm like, "...wait what...? Was that...?" ANd I started walking to the next shadow - and it's Papalymo. And then Moenbryda. And I was a fucking mess, doing my best to be able to hear each voice. Hien made me smile, as did Midgardsormr (or was it Seto?), but you know who just fucking ended me for several minutes?

Ardbert saying "Let's end this". God, I am gonna cry again, hang on...

Okay, I'm good, at least to finish this.

And then, Hades and Hythlodaeus! <3 And that whole stretch. Using the Ancients' creation magic to finally get through to Meteion (that hurt my heart to see, too). Hades whole thing about why he gave Akagi Azem's stone, urging him to do as Azem did and explore? Loved it! And then...look, I will never not get the shivers when the Azem summon goes off, okay? It's got the same power as when in one of the last episodes of G Gundam before a boss fight, Nastasha goes, "RING THE BELL, DOMON KASSHU!" (Get the fight started, basically, but there's more to it, just trust me). And it's not really the shivers, sort of? Like, it's hard to describe but the power of it, gets me every time.

And Akagi being a shit and teleporting everyone away. And then The OTHER Azem summon and the Trial...and me and another person were first timers, and the folks in there asked how we were liking Endwalker (Me: "Lots of tears, but good!"). I, uh, *really* need to get better about my mititgation (Trusts have spoiled me a bit) and I went into the fight blind, so I missed some dodges and died twice, almost in a row (us tanks both went down the second time, same hit, too. And we were both PLD LOL). But they were super awesome. And I thought we failed the run... And then the cutscene with the Scions praying on the Ragnarok... oof. Just, everybody was like "LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO!!!" and we nailed it.

And CBU3 punched my feels again when Meteion is lamenting to Akagi (look, there were so many places in Endwalker where Akagi's natural predilection to hugs was sorely tested, okay?). The thing that killed me, after her once more asking if they can be friends, was the little sob-gasp and the tear after he takes her hand. Like, he just opened up and let her see and feel everything. Brought her back from the brink. That little moment, right there... all but indelibly etched into my mind.

And THEN, Zenos. Who showed up and backed us up for Endsinger, yea, okay. But finally, he got the showdown he wanted, and Akagi putting everything he had in that last punch? Totally on point. Also, his teleport device (which should have been back on the Ragnarok) showing up right then? Honestly, it's kind of up to interpretation, but... my money is Meteion or one of the Ancients. Somehow.

And the waking up. So this scene just...Raha and Alisaie... Now this scene I need to rewrite, because Akagi would be hugging the shit out of all of them, possibly breaking down a bit (honestly, he would probably have a full-on breakdown once they had been back, whether at the Annex or the Stones. Just, waking from a nightmare and needing everyone there for him to see, to feel, reassure himself that they were okay, that he made it, that they all made it. And then the "disbanding" of the Scions was tough, too. But in a good way. ^_^ Another thing, he would make sure that they knew that they are his family now. More than comrades, more than friends. Family.

And, uh...Azem. That was Azem, right? (Do they use a different VA if the WoL is female? Or is it the same?) But...that voice...and Pandaemonium, eh? Oooh...

So got some new quests to pick up. x3

But I am heading for bed because I stayed up til 4 fucking AM EST to do this, because I did NOT want to break this up, I wanted the whole finale in one go, in my face and DAMN.

Let's see if I can sleep, so much to process.

And maybe some writing this weekend, because m muse finally decides to wake up after all that. Should get through my asks first, but yea. x3

Okami, out (like a light).

[bladeshowers]

“I want you to close your eyes, Hemera.” Ophiuchus declared, walking into the room with a basket in hand. “And not open them until I say so.” Once he was certain she had done as he asked, he took hold of her hand with his free one, quickly teleporting them away from the city to a lone floating isle – yes it was Elpis, he had gotten permission for them to have a picnic. The skies were painted with clouds today, with a lean to the umbral winds he noted.

Once he was certain everything was set, he took hold of her hands with both of his. “Now you may open them. I – thought it would be nice for us to get away from the city for a bit. I got permission before you ask – and we are free to stay as long as we wish.” A pause here, giving her a bashful grin and sheepish look.

“Is this – do you –?” Like it?

"Okay," Hemera submitted easily, albeit not without first attempting to peek at what interesting secrets Ophiuchus was currently conspiring to keep from her. Azem knew it was nothing serious - because it was him - but trying to find out was part of the fun. The woman settled down though quickly once she sensed he meant business and behaved herself. Though her eyes were closed she could still easily sense the teleportation magic - given how familiar she was with it - and the change in temperature and air pressure.

He had her downright intrigued from the start and her excitement only grew as each moment brought her closer to the reveal. Her jitters were only calmed by his hold on her hands. Orange hues flew open excitedly and she immediately recognized Elpis. It had been a while since she'd last been here. "A picnic?" She was positively elated.

"No one's ever brought me on a picnic before!" Hemera practically bounced in excitement. "Yes, of course, I love it. You're so thoughtful. Finding a way for us to spend time together and taking me on a date." Her hands squeezed his reassuringly as her eyes found his and she hoped the warmth he'd find there soothed any frayed nerves.

[fheythfully]

Putting all my thoughts on the 5.3 MSQ under the cut. Beware of course of spoilers! Overall I really enjoyed the patch. There were a lot of times where I sounded like an excited dinosaur.

So first things first, the way the patch started with the kids was so cute. I was expecting more with the Ardbert-esque kid, especially when he said he wanted to adventure with friends because he felt like he was missing something... but then they didn’t? I’m not sure what the point of that line of his was then. Ardbert’s soul is inside ours, and also has been shown to have moved on, but I wonder if some fragment of it--the part that is bound to the specific world’s Lifestream--can be reborn? Anyway. A bit bummed we didn’t get more with that train of thought but it was cute nevertheless. Also, apothecary. I was going “IS THIS A HINT?” the moment the kiddo said she wanted to be one as a WoL.

Also, I am totally writing a shortfic of the twins, Satella and Ryne hanging out in the Crystarium library with Moren bringing them books of interest while they sneak in tea and snacks. Ryne falls asleep and is eventually found by Thancred. Alisaie teases him for being a doting father. When everyone leaves, Satella is left cozily snuggled up as the evening turns feeling almost like home at the Arcanist’s Guild.

I really liked the bit where Alisaie’s desire to surpass the WoL and competitive nature is shown, and that some part of it is due to insecurity. I love the character depth and growth SE gives her over the patches. I just about had a heart attack when she started getting woozy with a noise in her head.

Elidibus feeling summoned by the WoL and seeing an Amaurotine in their stead gave me feelings, because it means we are whole enough now to form some sort of connection to the Ascians. Only sundered ones are left now though, so I wonder if that will still stay true.

I did have a heart attack at hearing Thancred collapsed. I was not expecting him to be okay when we got back to see him. Dawn’s Respite scene was very sobering and set me up for something entirely different than the ending we got (thank god).

Alisaie being stubborn and sullen with the Exarch made me wonder if she’s seeing the past with Louisoux in him, and Alphinaud’s comment about how she handled their grandfather leaving all that well all but confirmed it. That’s very sweet.

I made a very loud note as I was playing at the fact that a Rejoining soul must recognize its part on the Source as itself. Not sure if that was just for the Exarch’s case (though there are comments about how we and Ardbert fused very easily too) but I have Filed This Away.

Seeing Shtola collapsed gave me another heart attack but she’s definitely possessed of nine lives. The duty with Elidibus was fantastic, though the lack of voice acting caught me off guard (covid? are duties never voiced?). Fighting the baby Scions made me full of glee and then it got even better from there. Answers playing over the city, and then the HW theme, and then SB--fantastic. I especially paused when it started snowing. I appreciate a lot what Elidibus was doing, which was trying to show to us that the people who seem so ancient and recreated only as puppets had once meant something to him and his own. The fight was a lot of fun. I took a screenshot of berserk-Ardbert for kicks.

Also, the bit where he calls you by your name, and the name is switched from Elidibus to Ardbert. My heart. I have a lot of notes about this for future writing.

Elidibus as Zodiark’s heart and primal weren’t a big surprise as it’s been confirmed before (I think?) BUT he’s basically the primal for the idea of the Warrior of Light and I think that is magnificent. I still don’t have a full grasp on Elidibus as shown in this patch: his memories are fractured, whether by age or Zodiark; he’s driven both by his own ambition and Zodiark’s influence. He’s all over the place and I’m going to have to take better measure of him as I replay everything in NG+.

I have a note that says, “Ella why are you picking up random things off the ground that your enemies have dropped???” but it all turned out even better than okay. I don’t understand how he could have dropped all those Convocation crystals other than as a plot point but whatever. It was a great sequence. “All that remains is to pray. To pray that we will one day meet again, beneath a blue sky.” Made me tear up. The twisting of the Convocation from the gentle, kind Amaurotines to what they are today is brutally heart breaking.

I made a note of how the trees in Amaurot are starting to wither--I am not sure if we’ve always had that? But if not, definitely a small sign of Hades’ magic fading?

Bear with me now but I CAN’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT AZEM. I of course didn’t get the title right (my 14th is Altima), but I got the duty/job so almost right. My Altima is the Shepherd, though to the souls on the planet living and departing to create and live alongside the Lifestream. The entire scene with Hyth had me shaking in my chair with excitement over how perfectly it described my headcanon 14th--down to her wandering the planet when she wasn’t in the city. Granted it fits with all our WoLs and is specifically made to be so, but I am so excited. Not sure what I’ll do with this when I write, whether I will alter my canon to fit the game or plow on ahead, but we’ll see. I’m just so excited. And the new TITLE fits my OCs to a T. God, thank you, SE. I also love that we are the “sun” and can’t wait for the future connections and theories about the 14th and Azeyma and Azim.

“After all, I cannot say whether I act of my own volition or by the will of my recreator!” Made me laugh-cry.

Scions confirmed that seeing Amaurot awoke a great grief in them, which was then supported by the random Eulmore NPC crying at the sight of it. So, it’s not even reliant on how whole your soul is: everyone who sees it feels something, a soul-genetic memory, maybe? I can’t wait to use this. Also makes me wonder if this is why in the patch the Scions are more wont to encourage you to talk things out with Elidibus, as in SHB they were pretty set against Emet-Selch.

The new dungeon was okay. I need to replay it again and look around more (is there a hint of Hildibrand there??). The Necromancer and Berserker class, though the latter may be Warrior same way Arcanists are called Ink Mage, made me pout a little. I want Necromancer. Also, THIER White Mages get Protect? Pffft.

I didn’t take any notes for the trial but. It was brilliant. The run through Crystal Tower with the Exarch was a wonderful callback (there were so many callbacks, it was great) and then when he told us to go ahead I was like, you better mean it that you don’t plan to play your trump card unless we’re present! The trial itself was breathtaking. When the Amaurotine first showed up I thought it was Azem, then when they snapped their fingers I was like cool we can do that too, and then they did the Emet-Selch wave and I lost it. HOW!? Shtola has a theory that even she admits is far fetched but. Wow. I am wondering which one it may be: Emet-Selch truly somehow having his soul live (we were just in the space where Ascians’ souls go between bodies) and assisted us; or was he called by Azem’s crystal as a memory; or was it a memory entirely? Just. That cameo. I miss you, Emet-Selch. For yours is the seat of the fourteenth broke me also and I’m just all over the place. Elidibus as the Warrior of Light was great.

I don’t understand why he went Baby in the end there. I can’t imagine the Convocation recruited and sacrificed a child. My headcanon is that it’s just meant to represent his childlike devotion and drive to his goals. He wanted to help his brothers and sisters so badly he detached himself from Zodiark. Seeing him sitting there cradling the crystals and talking about how it’s a beautiful day and they’re not there to see it was heartbreaking. The Amaurotines lost so, so much--and there’s no way to bring any of it back. I am glad the Unsundered have finally a chance to rest.

The goodbye scene with Ryne was a little lacking to me. I wanted Thancred to hug her, damn it. At least he told her he’s proud of her. She’s so brave with how she tries not to cry before them. She’s coming into her own, with her own ideals, but also so like Minfilia’s that it made my heart full. I will act as her post moogle to Thancred any time, kupo.

Also the one line she has in Twine about how Gaia is her friend who will be there for her is sweet and I laugh at the idea of Gaia’s reaction.

Okay, so, the ending. Probably the thing I did not expect at all. I expected death. No one died. The animations were beautiful, and Alisaie was such a joy to watch. Just. I don’t have words for it. I was so overcome with happiness at how perfect they all were: Alisaie sinking into her chain in a sulk, the Archons fondling their weapons, Alphinaud with tea and a book. Alisaie jumping off to go find a fight and Alphinaud’s brotherly exasperation. The banter between Urianger and Y’Shtola. My heart is so, so full.

On to the topic of the Exarch, which I did not expect to have this many feelings on: first of all, I expected him to die. We all did. How can one man survive SO many death flags!? When our WoL ran out of the Stones like a wound up mammet I was there with her, heart pounding praying for it to have worked. I am bummed that we didn’t get to experience him actually waking, but that means I can write about it... which I already did, actually. Because: I came out of this with a very unexpected, slowly unfurling Ella/G’raha ship. This was a surprise because ARR G’raha was not someone I even remembered all that well, as I played CT when it came out, but I remember thinking he was a bit too immature for romantic ships; and the Exarch always felt too distant and too much. I was fond of him in SHB but in a passing way, also because I was a little bitter that he put the Scions in such danger in the first place (though I understand all the good that’s come as a result, like uncovering the true Ascian plots). Seeing him at the end there, as a fusion of G’raha and the Exarch, somehow turned my view of him on its head and in that moment, I could easily see Ella and him running off and having proper adventures together. The driving attraction to all my ships is a form of shared experience, or at least understanding of what it’s like to bear a heavy burden on your shoulders. The Exarch was again, too much in his role, and I couldn’t see Ella feeling comfortable being close with him. But now, with this ending? Watching the two of them run off together? Oh, I am excited.

I even wrote four pages of fluff on how he got those bobby pins in his hair and I never write fluff. Please look forward to it being posted soon.

Lastly: Ardbert. If you’ve been around my blog long enough, you’ll know that I’ve been an Ardbert shipper since HW. SHB was so good to me in that regard. Personally, I got closure regarding him in the scene of him offering us his axe and was happy with it. I was overjoyed to see him get closure with Seto now, too. I’m not happy with Elidibus using his body and then tearing it apart as he did, but: it made for great angst and sometimes that’s actually okay with me. The confirmation that he can talk to and through us is interesting and I imagine that he does so rarely, as his soul is finally at rest with his friends--where it truly belongs. He lets us live our life, and a part of him is always with us, now. I imagine him and Ella at one point having a conversation about her burgeoning feelings for G’raha, as in my canon she’s never felt quite a strong enough connection or level of comfort with anyone but Ardbert, and him giving her his “blessing” and encouraging her that it’s okay to chase after the comfort and happiness G’raha can bring her. Especially since all of SHB she was in a very very bad place and this ending we got gives me such a sense of respite, no matter how fleeting.

Speaking of fleeting: Zenos and Asahi/Fandaniel. I am still hoping Zenos gets more interesting because I just can’t bring myself to like him, and seeing him destroy the Garlean empire before we even step foot into it is making me a little pouty. Fandaniel is interesting on a few accounts: he’s a sundered Ascians, so what will that mean? Clearly he’s been unhappy with the Unsundereds’ plans. He’s also pretty crazy for “the bringer of order”, if we follow the FF12 Espers. We didn’t get a lot so I am hesitantly interested. But also, Asahi? I hate that kid...

My last thoughts on this are: the Ascian storyline was meant to come to an end with this patch, but clearly we’re still getting content. So I am hoping that was for the Unsundered Ascians and we’ll find out more about the summon of Hydaelyn and all that. I... have exhausted myself typing all this. Wow.

BUT I AM VERY HAPPY WITH THIS PATCH AND WILL REPLAY THAT HAPPY ENDING MANY TIMES. I can’t wait for the future.