#okay no thats. an unhelpful direction god damn it.
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three hours left till therapy can time PLEASE move a little faster
#im sooooo well aware of how fucking bonkers i am right now#i knew it was coming like i had SUUUCH a good high last week with the poetry preformanc and i was writing without a second thought for DAYS#and im CLINGING to that shit with my fingernails#i can feel it slipping i can feel the paranoia and i HATE it#cause that good feeling was SO good. and lasted SO long. and the plummet is always so much worse proportionately than the good#and the feelings and little suspicions and fears and. like they are growing and starting up gain and its infuriating#stop that i was doing so good. things were going so well. this shit doesnt matter so much of this shit doesnt matter none of this matters#okay no thats. an unhelpful direction god damn it.#i think i gotta. vanish for a bit#i finished one of my books yesterday too which was a stupid move bc i KNOW i need distraction#just have to try and climb back into other ones#fuuhhhhck#irl#personal#truly i think theres. more wrong with my brain than my therapist is helping me with but !!!!!!!!! lol#like idk#mental health cw#what cs are needed here idk my therapist wont diagnose me with anything
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