#on top of that since we're poor as fuck there's the 'i'm wasting my money on you' aspect

[gippyworm]

ughghhgh

Saw a post from someone and it caused a pang of anxiety. Horrible situation and every time I see a post from any of the ppl involved I get so angry because I grew up with these people and they went from inseparable to not talking at all after one got with their partner and ugh idk. This partner is not a good person. Anyway I'm saying too much as it is. It just makes me so upset because this person is so sweet and in so much pain over this and its all the partners fault. God.

So, we should be camping under the stars in the bush by now but our car broke down for the 5th time since we bought it (which was only like 3 months ago). First the fuel injectors died, then the alternator blew, then we had to buy a new battery. And now, the radiator tube exploded (literally) and the engine is dead. Literally every single part in that car is fucked. Even the locks don't work. We have already spent hundreds on TOP of the warranty. At this point we may be legitimately looking at a retrade or refund because asking 18K for a car that is completely broken and unusable is fucking pathetic.

We are so poor we had to borrow money to buy fuel and a bit of food so we could go free camping, put $120 diesel in and then the car dies, money completely wasted. My car is out of fuel, we have no way to go camping. We're compromising by going to the beach tomorrow but to do so I have to use the money meant for my motorcycle rego.

I'm just so fucking sick of it. Neither of us can afford a single Christmas present. We can't even buy a fucking Christmas tree this year. I want to skip december because its seriously just not worth it, and I don't want to hear about gifts being commodified or whatever because I know and thats not the point. The point is I can't afford a single present for my favourite person in the world, I'm too exhausted and burnt out to make art instead, and I need bras and brin needs socks and I'm almost 100% out of fish food and to restock is going to cost $150-$200 and if it wasnt for money something really special might have happened and I just want to tear my hair out and scream. We have no streaming services, the only subscriptions are patreon for Brin and clip studio for my ipad. I have chopped as many expenses as I possibly can, now its basically a car rego each, and for me, motorbike rego as well. I never buy anything for myself. But still every fortnight we cant afford food.

We both just want a family, we want to have kids so badly. We can't afford it because we cant just make one for free. The life we want feels so far away and I can feel the strength to stay positive is slipping away. We're both depressed. Stressed. And fucking sick of fucking worrying about fucking money.

Am I going to have to defer? Work fulltime and battle through debilitating fatigue until we have at least some semblance of a savings? I just feel so exhausted. We have support networks but we still feel so alone.

Wish I could sleep.

[international-repeater-station]

why is it. that every time i hope for my mental health recovery to go... not even go well honestly, just to Go, just for the recovery process to begin and be there--my dear mother rewinds all this progress with her psychic fucking powers (of child abuse of course)