#once again i repeat it is 3 am sorry for clogging the tag

[consultingcriminal]

okay so I'm trying to see something, if you watched Narnia as a kid and your life changed when ben barnes appeared on screen and now after many years you watch every single thing that he's in reblog and add in the tags your experience

idk I feel like there's a unique experience that a certain amount of people went through BUT I CAN'T PUTIT IN WORDS BECAUSE IT'S 3 AM

[cantsaythetword]

Crow's Boundaries:

-- EXTRA NOTE-- As I am hosting Squealing Santa this year, I've had to adjust boundaries as I will have to have communication with minors to send assignments to do with the event. Minors, please don't follow this blog (follow the main event blog). I'll keep all communication in DMs relevant to the event so everyone stays safe and happy ^^ I appreciate you guys being so considerate and cooperative -- thanks --

This is quite a long post but if you want the tl;dr without the ins and outs it's basically this:

- This blog is 18+ followers only ^^

- Headcanons / fic requests can be requested on my writing account @cantwritethetword

- Ask/anon teasing is all g for the most part

- For DM teasing, close CLOSE friends only (and even then, might not be in the mood for it lmao)

Before I get into it, just repeating that even though this is an adults only space, this is a SFW blog! So please don't send any NSFW stuff/pics/concepts to me :)

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TAGS:

I use the following tags so feel free to block/follow accordingly:

# he speaks - me rambling about anything and everything lmao

# kinda a vent post - me being stressed / depressed / lemon zest

# spicy (or # kinda spicy) - almost solely used for gifs/fanart that show a lot of skin or uses any kind of bondage stuff

# irl twords - pretty much what it says on the tin. Any gifs or photos of actual tickling.

# ask - also pretty self-explanatory. For any asks that I receive (anons will always be also tagged # anon)

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TEASES / TICKLE TALK:

General Rules:

- For the most part, teases/tkl talk in ASKS ONLY, and it'll probably only go back and forth once or twice so as not to clog up people's feeds

- Keep it v much sfw !!!

- I'm not really big on rp, more of just fun snarky teases and stuff (hence tickle talk) :)

- Don't send teases in the hopes I will turn the tables

- DM teasing/talk is ONLY for close friends

- Teases/talk from people I'm not close with is generally ok over asks/anons/reblogs but again, very very much sfw only

- I may not respond to teases, and that is nothing personal. I just might not be feeling it OR it might breach one of the rules above ^^

Thank

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POSTS:

- if you're commenting on something and it's not my post (i.e. I'm not the OP), don't spam teases throughout the comments section pls

- if you want to add a lil tease into a reblog, please keep teases/tickle talk that are specific to me in the tags (ESPECIALLY IF IT'S NOT MY POST) to not spam people's dashes

- if you're adding a generic tease as an addition to a post I've made (e.g. this one) then that's all g (cause it's kind of just adding to the post? idk if it makes sense)

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ASKS:

- keep it sfw (as I said at the start lol)

- I'm actually terrible at responding to asks half the time, but I will get there eventually! please be patient lmao

- if you're sending an anon, add a lil sign off or an emoji so I know who you are lmao

- gonna add this here too, any sort of ask teases in anons will probably only go back and forth once or twice so as not to clog up people's feeds

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MESSAGES:

- anyone can DM me (but no promises that I'll answer lol)

- no tickle talk or teases straight off the bat

- I don't do rp, at all, sorry lol

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Holy shit ok we good. Thank you for reading all of this!!! <3

If you have any questions about anything or need me to clarify things feel free to hmu either through asks or DMs ^^

[whats-the-story-tc]

9th of October, 2020

"The One with the Cards Laid Bare"

[INCREDIBLY LONG, SORRY FOR CLOGGING THE TAG]

There were very tense energies in our classroom before V's double class. We already knew she'd cried today, we knew where she'd be working from other classes, so we all knew what would come, and it still was bad. One of the boys said he heard that she hopes we're not all angry at her and that we won't hate her for her decision. There was not an inch of anger or hatred in any of us, just heartbreak. We knew how much we'd cry seeing her leave. We were afraid of this goodbye. But it had to come eventually. The last class she'll ever teach. The last two lessons she'll ever have.

She was late. Only a couple minutes, but seeing she's always on time, or even a bit early, it was worrying. I walked outside to find her, and when I did, I saw her, coming up the stairs with two boys from the class, fresh back from lunch. Immediately as she saw me, she raised her index finger and said: "No." I didn't really understand it, until she continued: "I'm not gonna cry. I'm trying to go at least two minutes without crying." My heart was in shambles, and nothing even happened yet.

She started by telling us an e-mail is not how she wanted us to find out. She wanted to tell us herself, but not until today, probably not until the end of class, even though she's known for quite a long time she wanted to leave. She didn't tell us, because she wanted these last days not to be chaotic, so we could still focus and do our best in class. There were signs, though. And I should have known. There's one in basically every post I wrote this year. Funny thing is, when I told you about how she was with the girl from the other class and I thought something was up, it was only my gut feeling. She hadn't told them yet. Only in the last 20 minutes of that double class.

She also told us who will be replacing her, just to get the professional part quickly over with. V said she expects us to treat them fairly, even if she won't be here to check on us. We keep this promise. Most of the time, it works.

Being a teacher doesn't pay well, and here, in our country, the profession itself is not respected the way it should be. 10 years of experience in the field means nothing, she said. The new education system is horrible, unbearable, and she's had enough of feeling like she's in a toxic relationship. Not with us, with teaching. She said she used to feel very anxious when she got here, and by now I know what she hadn't told us in that moment, that she still doesn't feel good thinking about school. She has to leave for her own sake, even though she feels incredibly guilty about it. Even though she'll miss us.

She said, through tears, constantly stopping to take a deep breath and gather her thoughts, that teaching is something she was planning to do her whole life long, but she has to step back now. Even though she has "the seniors, standing before their graduation exams, [us], whom [she's] bonded with", she can't do it anymore. And when one of the girls asked her if she really did love us, she said: "Would I have stayed so long if I didn't?"

We spent long minutes in class discussing the education system, and when I said I didn't know about something that supposedly came from the weaker one of the theatre universities here at home, V was surprised that I hadn't read it. She called me a nickname again, a new one. I've been babygirl and I've been fairy bug before, but not once have I been the name that translates to "my life". Spanish speakers, it's like when you guys say mi vida to someone you love. That's what V called me. I don't remember her ever having called someone that in class.

Between classes, Bandana Friend, who was sick, joined us via video call to speak to V, as she really wanted to say goodbye, at least like this. I stood right beside V as they spoke, out of the camera's sight, unlike my classmates, constantly goofing off in the background, making both V and my friend laugh a little. As I stood there, I couldn't help but marvel at V's eyes from up close, in the light. I don't think I've ever seen a more enchanting eye colour before, and I find nearly every pair of eyes I see pretty. Seriously, I wasn't overexaggerating in any of my posts. If you once catch her eye, you won't know when to stop looking.

After a while, though, my classmates got a bit much, still during the call, and there I was, gathering bravery and doing something I've never done before. I stroked V's arm for a second or two, like I've wanted to so many times before, to show sympathy. She didn't even look at me, didn't even flinch, she probably knew who was touching her. And, seeing how unresponsive, how calm she was about it, I couldn't help but think: "Is this something I could've done this whole time?"

Before the second class with her started, Debate Friend called her a derivative of her first name (though she made sure to say Miss with it), and V just told her not to be rude. Hours pass, and V lets her (and us all, indirectly) call her by her first name, which is something we're still adapting to, but I'm rushing too far ahead, let's slow down a little.

The second class went well, she wasn't crying anymore, on the contrary. We laughed a lot, she told us her honest opinion on a lot of us, who asked her what she thinks of them, and gave advice if needed. I didn't ask. I figured that if she wants to tell me something, she will. Then a very crazy chain of events happened.

She looked like she was gonna tear up again, and I couldn't sit and watch anymore. I stood up and walked right in front of her, not daring to ask for a hug, but hoping she'll get the message with arm gestures. It took her a bit, but when she did, she couldn't help but yell something that I would translate to: "[Specs] is jumping me!". The word she used here is something usually used in a romantic or flirty context. (Translation was never my forte.) You can probably imagine the laughter, and also my face as I realise that not even on her last day could she go without sassing me at least once.

But then. Oh, then. The next thing I hear as I turn towards her is as she says: "C'mere, Little Me." and before I know it, I find myself sobbing in her arms again, and thinking about how this happened. She seemed taken aback by or uncomfortable with the comparison the last time we spoke about it in March, before the quarantine. When did she accept it, or how? Now as I re-read that post, as I'm writing this one... could the turning point have been me calling her my sister? I had so many questions, but all I could do was cry.

Class was nearing the end when I finally managed to stop sobbing and ask her one thing I've been meaning to for ages: what her tattoos mean. "How much should I go into detail?" she asked with sparkling eyes. She wasn't even surprised I knew about the two on her shoulder blades — but I was, when she motioned with her fingers she actually had three. Before telling me about them, she jokingly said something along the lines of "I'm not gonna strip for you" (as all 3 are covered by clothes), and me being me, I immediately threw my hands up, face probably red, and said: "Nononononono, obviously [not]!"

Funny thing is, the two on her shoulder blades are actually quotes from the last book she had us read, the last thing we discussed with her in class on Wednesday. So this is what she meant when she said she had personal connections to it! After she told me which parts they're from, she jokingly added "Very English teacher [of me]...", to which I just laughed and responded "Yeah, very."

By the time I'm writing this, I already had to listen to the headmaster, one of V's replacements, as he bragged about knowing of these two tattoos. Heh. That's cute. It's still 2-1 to me, sir. Not only have I seen them partially before, which you said you haven't, but I also know about the one she most definitely never told you about. And the one I'm most definitely not gonna tell you guys about. Sorry. Some things just have to stay between V and I.

"Also, no one noticed that this is the first time since I came here that I've worn a band T-shirt!" she complains to me jokingly. "Well, I was used to your graphic shirts, so I didn't think much of it," I reply. She's very enthusiastic in telling me what exactly is on it, without me even asking. This woman put on a shirt that essentially disses Christianity — in a religious school. Unbelievable. I love her.

Somewhere around that time, I asked her to let me walk with her to the teacher's lounge, Bookworm Friend convinced her to take a photo with our squad (which had basically everyone I know, my own father included, telling me we look identical), I stroked her arm again (I no longer remember what the reason was, but she still must've felt it pretty natural, seeing she didn't react), and like 3/4 of the class came to hug V goodbye. Meanwhile, another girl I've been classmates with for ages, but never particularly liked, hugged me to try and comfort me. It caught me off-guard, but I've never felt more like our class is a community.

People from other classes came to talk as she walked outside, but I waited until she was alone, and most probably so was she. She promised, likely knowing that I wanted to talk privately, so we didn't leave until it was just the two of us left.

"Come, Little Me," she said again, as we got going. She liked this phrase so much that she repeated it in English. "Mini Me." Then I found out why the English. Turns out, her native English speaker boyfriend, who she name-dropped like it's second nature, as if she's telling a story to a friend (she's so whipped for him, it's adorable), knows all about this comparison, and had a good laugh at it. He knows who I am. I was important enough to mention at home to her boyfriend, something I always wondered about but never dared to ask her. Tears.

No, really, actual tears. I've told you before, I don't support confessing love to your teachers while you're still their student (I'd wait a year after graduation if I were you), and especially if you're underage, and I myself wouldn't do it either. And I didn't. My confession was a little different. My voice breaking from tears, I told her the one thing I wanted her to know most. "This is not how I wanted to tell you, but I've never got more (in life) from anyone..." The answer? The old classic. "Come on."

"[Specs], you really need to get more self-confidence" she tells me, as that's about the only thing I still need to get me where I want to be. "I have to," I reply. And I do. I'm trying. Funny thing, self-confidence. It comes up in both the first and the last conversation we have as student and teacher.

We get up, stand at the top of the stairs. Soon it's time to go. The memories get a bit hazy here, but I'll try my best.

She tells me she expected me to react this way, and was afraid of it, seeing what happened in January. I immediately corrected her. In January, I cried because seeing my classmates hurting and my teachers clueless and lost hurt me, whereas this time, it's personal. She doesn't say anything. I think she understands. I ask her if she'll be happy in this new situation, and she says she hopes so. Only time will tell.

"I probably won't be available at a moment's notice all the time, but if you ever need me, you'll find me," she reassures me.

My English (language) teacher walks outside in that moment, and starts talking to V like I'm not even there. V and I are both a bit uncomfortable with the interruption, but the teacher seems pretty fine with it. Fucking hell, woman, insensitivity much?

Anyway. When she's gone is probably the moment we realise this is it. That this is where it's over.

She reaches out, both verbally and physically, and there we are, hugging again, both of us stroking the other's back in an effort to try and comfort the other. "You always have your friends," she tells me. "Get a good rest," she adds somewhere during that moment. Then we pull away.

I don't reach out, I don't dare to. As soon as I step out of her arms, it's her, who takes a hold of my hand. Not clinging, just a gentle, meaningful hold. I have no idea what she was saying, as I focused on the fact that we were only bloody holding hands in plain sight — and another thing.

V's eyes were red, and full of tears.

She hadn't shed a single tear for the past 20 minutes or so. Yet there she stands before me, physically still holding on to me, and crying. That was all me. And all of a sudden, I understand everything. I no longer have the guts to deny that she loved me all this time.

That's where it ends. No grandiose confessions, nothing loud, nothing overly passionate. Just a scene of two women standing hand-in-hand, showing their true colours and not holding anything back for the first time since they've met, before Miss V, the teacher, forever disappears behind a glass door.

These two women, mentioned above, are the ones who laid the foundation for two friends, two equals to meet anew. They are just getting to know each other all over again as we speak, setting the tone for something to start that could possibly last a long time. And I don't think there's anything that could feel better than that.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[emerald-amidst-gold]

About me

So, you wish to know about the face behind the muse, do you? Well, I’m not as edgy or ferocious, but I do all right! 

Thank you for the tag @noire-pandora! <3

1: Why did you choose your url?

The url that you see now was actually not my first url. I’m first one was lotus-dreamcatcher something something. (I forget what the numbers were lol). It was just a random thought since one: I love, love, looooove dreamcatchers, and two: I think lotus flowers are such pretty flowers! So, I combined best of both worlds and slapped two or three numbers on the end! XD

The reason I switched it was because I wanted to have a more personal connection with my blog. When I started writing my fic, I was like, ‘Let’s just go the whole nine yards! No one else has it!’ and voila! Will I change it if my hyperfixation vanishes? No. I’m stuck in hell, remember? *smiles*

2: Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

I have no side blogs because I would be terrible trying to micromanage them. My obsessions tend to ebb and flow, and this blog is the first time I’ve latched onto something for so long. I’ve had fixations with Dragon Age before (I’ve had the game for years, of course), but it always fizzled out and I latched onto something else (Fire Emblem, Skyrim, etc.). So, whatever fandom takes me by the horns, ya’ll have to witness it here! *cackles*

3: How long have you been on tumblr?

Hmm..I think for about...2 years? I made this blog a while back, posted a fic I had written for the first time, and then disappeared. I didn’t come back until just under a year ago when I wrote my first version of Emerald Eyes Amidst Golden Vows. But truthfully, I’m not sure. I know I haven’t been here long, though! XD

4: Do you have a queue tag?

Nope! I just scan the tags I like, home page, and those I follow’s dashboard and reblog/like what I find interesting, funny, or what pertains to what I’m currently fixated on. I might go ham and post a lot, or I just slap one or two things on while I’m on break at work. It’s casual for me. :D

5: Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was curious, to put it simply. I’ve always been into art/writing, and all the art I used to see elsewhere always looped back to here. I actually spent a lot of my time, once upon a time, on DeviantArt (The days when I had a tablet and had the time to draw~). Once I got into writing, however, I decided this might be a better place to share that. Not to mention, I saw the community for Dragon Age and I was like, ‘I want to be a part of this! I don’t have many people I can talk about Dragon Age with or simp mutually about characters! And they all seem so nice! Let’s try!’ And here I am. It’s paid off. All the waiting, slight dejectedness, and quiet posts have PAID OFF. 

So, if you’re a starting blog and you feel kind of put off, just keep at it. It’ll gain traction. Trust me. :3

6: Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Why not? It’s my BOY in his original, first play through form! (the play through I accidentally deleted, but you know *is still made about that*) 

I chose it mainly because it was my best screenshot of Fane, and I was like, “I am true Dragon Age blog now. :3″, but really, it’s just because it was pretty. I’m a simplistic creature with simplistic tastes. 

7: Why did you choose your header?

Again, it’s my BOY, and well, it was also pretty with the colors and his eyes and everything. I love my dragon son. What else can I say? *shrugs*

8: What’s your post with the most notes?

The post that issued by entrance in Solavellan Hell. 

THIS ONE

It continuously spiraled for WEEKS until it finally went dormant, and I was like, ‘Well, damn. That was a wild ride.’ We all fall prey to the wolf at some point. Even I, who was so sure I adored Cullen. ‘Twas not to be. I like elves. Sorry, Commander. XD

9: How many mutuals do you have?

26! Which is about a quarter of who follows me, actually. Huh!

10: How many followers do you have?

You know, I just checked it the other day and my eyes went wide because I broke a 100 and I was like, ‘Am I really that relatable or likable!? Awwww! *cries*’ I’m currently at 107, but in all honesty, I don’t pay attention to the numbers. Some may be inactive, too, but it’s nice to see people enjoy and relate!

11: How many people do you follow?

85! I don’t like to clog up my dash too much because it’s easy to miss things I’m actually looking forward to seeing (art, fic updates, etc.) I could filter, obviously, but I is lazy. However, if I see a blog I really think is cool and enjoyable and is right up my alley, then of course I’ll follow! :3 I also try to follow back if someone follows me, but I forget to sometimes. I’m a bit scatterbrained if you haven’t noticed from my writing. XD

12: Have you ever made a shitpost?

I think I made like...two? They got a good bit of notes, but mainly because they were relatable more than funny, I think. If you want to know one thing about me it’s that if I adore a specific character, I either RAG on them until the cows come home, or I cry about them hysterically. With Solas, I am both, so I throw swings at him while in the next minute running over and saying I’m sorry. And I vocalize that with random memes. XD

13: How often do you use tumblr each day?

I get on in the morning after I wake up a bit to check around, stay on until I have to go to work at like 2, and I’ll pop on a few times throughout the day during my breaks or lunch, and once more before I call it quits for the day. I have a bad habit of keeping a tab up while I write and hopping back and forth. No wonder my writing flow gets lost in transit. XD 

I also tend to fall asleep with my computer on, soooo yeah. X’D

14: Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Nope. I’m twenty-five. I left the drama bullshit back in high school when I graduated. I’m here to enjoy things that mean something to me, interact with people who share those interests, and just witness how creative everyone is and learn from them. Will I debate with someone civilly? Of course, I love debating concepts and interpretations of characters as much as I love analyzing those ideas. However, the moment those debates turn into ‘I’m right. You’re wrong.’ arguments, I walk away and ignore. I’ve been a part of internet discourse before when I ran a RP chat, I don’t need that again. Feel free to chat with me, but the minute it becomes a belligerent free for all, either expect a quick block or utter silence. 

15: How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

I try to reblog things from content creators because that’s how they get the exposure they need, and I wholeheartedly support those people because I want people to be able to pursue and live a life where they can do what they enjoy and make ends meet rather than be stuck at a 9-5 job where they’re talents are wasted and miserable because of berating circumstances. 

However, if someone explicitly says, ‘you need to reblog this because of some obscure reason’, I won’t do that. Be humble. That’s all. I understand the need for validation, painfully so, but there’s a line that needs to be drawn on some posts like that.

16: Do you like tag games?

You bet your ass I do! I love how interesting they are and that people are eager to involve me in them! Like this one! :D

17: Do you like ask games?

*looks at all the asks I’ve done for Fane* I adore them. Let me talk about my son until the end of time, even if I repeat things because he’s still GROWING.

18.Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Not romantically, but do I think everyone is worthy of love and hugs and yelling, complimenting words that make your insides all fuzzy and warm? YES. LET ME YELL AT YOU AND HUG YOU. <3

Tagging (if you want to of course!): @little-lightning-lavellan @oxygenforthewicked @aymayzing @dreadfutures @whataboutbugs and anyone else who’d like to!