#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties

[coulsonlives]

I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.

[upthehillask]

i’d love to hear your cursed child opinions!

Oh boy, well now you’ve unleashed me :D lol I don’t know if you’re interested more in what I loved or in what I’d critique, so I’ll go for both I guess? And you can read whichever you like :) But tbh you won’t hear anything new from me that you haven’t heard other fans talk about. Anyways, here are my thoughts on the actual play: [Spoiler alert I guess!]

Things I loved:

- THE MAGIC!!! The effects were EVERYTHING. The time warp, the telephone booth, the floo, the underwater, the dementors, the writings on the walls, and so much more… Really cool!!! And I loved the whole vibe and aesthetic of the play too, it felt authentic and fitting! THE SWISHY CLOAKS!! I want them!!

- The scenes I especially enjoyed were Harry’s nightmares, glimpses into his past and scenes from the books in general. I think they executed those quite well, made me really soft! Especially the scenes of little Harry in his cupboard and also him in the graveyard. Gripped my heart. Oh, I also loved that they finally showed Cedric in the end, he was so perfect!!

- Draco. Yes yes yes to dad Draco. Still bitchy, pretentious, and petty, trying so hard to play cool and tough, but a pained softie deep inside—we STAN. The relationship between him and his son I CRI EVRITIEM!!! Draco in the alternative timeline letting Scorpius do what he believes in, Draco in the real timeline hugging his son, I LIVE. And oh my god that scene where Draco walked in to Harry crying.. GOD. Yes emotions, yes vulnerability, yes bonding, yes yes yes. (Though I still can’t get over the ponytail. Would’ve been more than fine if Lucius hadn’t been portrayed with long hair lol)

- I loved Albus!! He’s a good Slytherin boy! That’s all I have to say. He’s a good friend and son who tries his best. I liked him a lot, more so now after watching the play. He really did remind me of Harry in a lot of ways. (Also, unpopular opinion, but I always loved Albus Severus’ name and I always will, fight me.)

- And just all the dad-son relationships, parenthood themes, friendship between the boys, related conflicts… Loved all of them. Touching, inspiring, couldn’t get enough!

- McGonagall was fcking ON POINT. Fcking QUEEN. Get it girl. Show em how to understand and respect children 👏👏👏

- I really loved Snape too! It was nice to finally see him being his self that only Dumbledore got to see in the books. I loved his demeanor too. I know actors change, but the one I saw portrayed Snape in a way that felt more canon. As much as I love Alan Rickman, he was a bit too graceful and sophisticated for canon Snape. In the play, however, Snape was kind of more rough, more rash, less pulled together in a way that he spoke and moved. It’s subtle but I lived for that. Also he was finally short. Yes.

- I feel like I have to mention Harry too. I actually quite liked him, so I’m gonna put him under this list as well. Yeah, that one scene where he threatened McGonagall into strict surveillance of his son is a bit much, errr 😅😅😅 But overall, I like the idea of him struggling as a father, making mistakes and learning from them. He’s a good egg.

- Ron and Hermione, my babies!! I had issues with Ron’s characterization, but I did mostly enjoy the portrayal of their relationship. I liked that their roles within the play were mostly to be together or to find their ways to each other. Since so many fans are against their ship, I was really excited to see them. And I just loved Hermione in general. They got her characterization almost on-point too, I think. I just love her 🥰

- In general, I enjoyed a lot of the dialogue. I liked all those strong, emotional one-liners that make you gasp. Harry saying things, Albus saying things, Scorpius, Draco, Ginny, others… There were good examples of lines they’d say that perfectly articulated everything that they embodied or felt or were dealing with. Well done there.

Okayyy I’m sure there’s more I could think of, definitely, but I’ll stop here since this is already a lot 😁

Things I questioned:

- So the one single biggest thing that I am the most critical of has to do with the plot itself, and it’s about Cedric turning into a Death Eater. I’m sorry but I just can’t. I could write a whole essay on how this makes no canonical sense (and I probably will if you ask me lmaoo), but to sum it up, Cedric eventually turning bitter and evil because he was publicly humiliated directly contradicts his canon character development. Cedric’s humility, kindness, and fairness are the core qualities around which Cedric’s personality was developed in the books. He almost explicitly places popularity, glory, and reputation second, and that’s critical, because if failure and humiliation were to affect him so drastically, his primary core values needed to be broken down and changed beforehand, but they never weren’t. So presenting the Triwizard incident as the turning point for him does not make any sense, and as a result the rest of the narrative falls apart. This is a plot hole and hasty writing.

- Yeah, Bellatrix having a child is still kinda weird 🙃🙃 I just hate that because in the books Bellatrix played the archetype of this anti-mother, the antithesis of motherhood and motherly love. I feel like having her voluntarily bring a child into this world destroys that symbolism. It makes me unsatisfied.

- I had some issues with the very beginning and the whole “montage” of events leading up to the fourth year. I found it overwhelming and disorienting, even though I’ve already read the script and knew what’s going on. Still, I felt like I was hit by a train, watching all the fast-paced scenes, cliché chaotic small talk going on, years going by… It felt messy for some reason. I feel like I need to watch it again in order to fully catch up and process everything I saw, and that’s not a good sign. But I didn’t hate it, I just wish we were more eased into the story.

- Scorpius. Now listen. When I read the script, Scorpius was my favorite character. I LOVED him, this awkward nerd who loves his dad and best friend with all his heart. The way I grew to imagine him was quite not how he was portrayed in the play. I know the dialogue and everything’s all the same, but idk, Scorpius in the play was way more hyper, bolder than I pictured, and worst of all, he was going out of his way to be this wannabe player. He seemed so all over the place, even acting a bit arrogant sometimes, celebrating moments of over-confidence, chasing after girls, trying to be everything BUT himself. But that honestly might just be my takeaway alone. There’s nothing actually wrong with his character, I just found myself slightly disappointed with him in the play specifically. I wish I could see the play again to actually analyze things more thoroughly to explain why I feel this way, but I can’t. I still like Scorpius, but a different version of him. (tho damn did I love those skinny pants on him lmao 👌👌)

- Moaning Myrtle. Like, I laughed, it was funny, but it just wasn’t very tasteful lol and I was left feeling a bit uncomfortable from the idea of this young murdered girl writhing and thirsting over literally everyone. The play really blew that out of proportion and idk it’s kinda awkward when I think about it 😅 And in general, there was just so much thirsting… with Rose, Polly Chapman, Delphi… Not to mention Albus kissing his AUNT… Like damn chill JK please 😂 Weird cliches and teenage hormones aren’t the only source of comedy okay?? 😂😂😂 Also, speaking of Myrtle, I kinda wish there was something mentioned about Draco having had been friends with her in sixth year. Idk it would’ve been nice to see that relationship somehow reminisced since we didn’t really get to see it :) 

- Craig Bowker Jr... If he was supposed to be a parallel to Cedric, both being the spare, why did he get literally zero attention?? We don’t really know who he is, we don’t see anyone hurting because of his death, he’s killed with such apathy. We don’t even see his parent grieving, like we saw Amos (who also happen to be an integral part to the plot of CC!). The whole parallel is so incomplete. Poor Craig and his unsymbolic death..

- Ok I am obviously elaborating way too much so let me just quickly summarize the rest of things I don’t actually hate but might wanna rant about: RON IS NOT A JOKSTER—GEORGE IS. RON IS A FIGHTER. HE IS ALSO HARRY’S BEST FRIEND, NOT HERMIONE, BUT HE WAS MADE USELESS AND UNNEEDED, WHICH IS HIS ACTUAL WORST FEAR, SO WHO THE FUCK DARED. ROSE IS MORE THAN A BITCHY ROMANTIC INTEREST AND A BAD FRIEND. WHERE THE HELL IS HUGO. GINNY’S EVEN COOLER THAN SHE WAS PORTRAYED, I PROMISE. THE SURPRISE SECOND TIME TURNER ERRRR LOUSY PLOT DEVICE I’M SORRY. LACKLUSTER PLOT IN GENERAL, THE ONLY ACTUAL TWIST IS DELPHI’S REVEAL—NOT ENOUGH, JKR KNOWS BETTER THAN THIS, THE BOOKS WERE FULL OF TWISTS AND TURNS (but that’s kinda okay with me because the relationships between characters in CC really made the whole story worth it).

Alright enough :’D I’m not actually upset, just exaggerating haha Because overall, I liked the play. I wanna see it again. And I wanna analyze it more, too. I’m so excited I finally got to watch it. It’s far from flawless, but I’m still happy with it overall and want to approach it positively! Sure, I’ll rant when it’s ranting time, but I do love it (:

[meandmystuffs]

[Movie_Thai BL] My Bromance (2014) Spoilers/ Review/ Comment

Disclaimer: This is purely my opinion based on what I've seen in the movie. It is not my intention to offend those people behind this movie, the lgbtq+ community and those who are reading this.

Real Plot

Step brothers, Bank and Golf realized that their feelings for each other is more than just for  siblings. They were separated. They met again. They fought and met an accident. Someone fcking died.

Setting

Breaking down the setting for this movie helped me in understanding it a bit. This movie was released in 2014. The date in the tomb said 2013. Things happened around for 2 years so maybe, 2011-2012 is the right time line for this (please correct me if my wrong).

Golf, Bank and their friends were calssmates and high school students back then.

Plot, thorough re-telling cause it doesn't make sense to me

First of all, I'm not from Thailand so I don't know what was happening there around this time frame but one thing is for sure, same-sex relationship is still a taboo back then (this was presented in the movie).

Youth. A fun stage in your life where you think you know everything but you know nothing at all. 😉

Young love. I'm actually jealous. I never experienced this. 😢 But Golf and Bank did.

It was never love at first sight cause Golf was bullying Bank at first (no to bullying please) but then Golf had a change of heart and they had a good sibling relationship.

Until Thon entered. He's your typical singing guy, handsome, popular but gay. He never actually hide it. 🙄 He confessed his feelings to Bank which Bank rejected. Golf, acting jealous, received a surprise confession from Bank. Little did Bank knew, his feelings were the same. 😍

And then they were lovers. They're friends already knew and they accepted them. Their parents didn't knew cause they're not always at home 🙄 but they were caught by Golf's aunt when they were being lovey-dovey and all reasons went to hell. 😢

Now is the right time to unstan their parents. I was so mad at them I was crying so hard.

They talked first to Golf saying they should break up cause their love isn't accepted by society. The fck. Golf asked his father if he could accept him as his son, his father asked him to think of him, his family and his ancestors. Like, what? Then Golf said that if he wants him to stop being like this (trying to be with Bank), then his father should also try stop being with his new wife. 😣

His father threatened him that he will bring him to America to study and if he won't go, he will bring Bank instead.

Bank's mom said something that really broke my heart. 💔 "It's my fault for raising Bank this way."

Like the fck. Sexual orientation is not something you give to your child. It something they discover within theirselves. And you don't have the right to choose for them. Again, today is 2020 and this story is way back in 2014.

Golf went out. Bank came down and was begged, yes, they begged him to break up with Golf. 💔

This was so frustrating! How could they? I know they could but how dare they? 😭

Golf said his final goodbye to all of them when he visited their class for the last time, asking their friends to take good care of Bank and he doesn't know if he will ever be back.

There was this one scene that made me blew up. 😤

Bank's mother introduced him to another gay guy cause they are the same.

The fck! I have no ill feelings towards gays but seperating them cause they like each other and then pushing him to another guy? The hell with that! 😤

6 months later, Golf came back to Thailand with his girlfriend he met in America. Bank was so hurt he started dating Thon (yes, he's still alive) without feeling anything for him. Golf here was annoying to be honest cause he kept on pestering Bank. Then Thon made an ass of himself, he tried to make a move on Bank which Bank escaped safely.

Then the fighting happened. Golf dragged Bank in the middle of the street, shouting at him. While Bank was trying to get out of his grip, a car crashed on them.

This scene made me, wut??? 😲 Bruh. You don't fight in the middle of the road. That is suicide. Please don't ever do this.

They were both rushed in the hospital. Golf has minor injuries, said the doctor. Bank had an emergency surgery. One of his kidney was removed, the other one is not doing its job propery.

Golf then begged his father to allow him to donate his kidney to Bank cause they were brothers and he's the reason why Bank was in that situation in the first place. They met briefly after that, Golf in a wheelchair, Bank in bed, looking so pale.

And here I was, thinking about a happy ending. I just 🤡 myself here.

Then Bank was healthy again and was told that Golf returned to America. Bank was in their old room (they shared a room back then cause they were siblings) and started reminiscing the past.

They had a couple ring. Bank was wearing it like a necklace. Then one day, he returned the ring to Golf saying he wanted them to return to being brothers instead of lovers (this was way back before Golf went to America) cause he felt sorry for their parents. Golf was having none of this but did took the ring bank.

A year later, Bank was celebrating his birthday with his old and new friends. The scene was Bank was unwrapping his presents until the last one which was a small box. It was their rings. His friend handed him a letter and this was where I literally broke down.

Golf donated his kidneys to Bank. He was never in  America after the surgery. Yes. He donated both of his kidneys (I'm assuming both) cause he had a fcking brain tumor that was only detected when they had an accident. Golf fcking died. He fcking died months after the surgery. Their friends knew about it but their parents asked them not to tell Bank about it.

Screw them all. 😭 They robbed them of those precious times when they could still be together. 💔😭💔

Not being able to be with the person you love during your happy moments is one thing but not being able to share your pain, you regrets and your final moments with that person, I don't know, its just so unfair. How could their parents do this? They only have on this to do. Be a parent to their child and they can't even do it. My heart still cry for this moments. 💔😭💔

Bank and his friends visited Golf's tomb. They brought flowers and Bank left his ring there. Bank was doing monologues about having that *someone*.

Then this scene caught me off guard.

Golf's girlfriend holding a baby.

At first I thought, Bank and Golf's girlfriend did what??? 😱 But I realized, before the accident happened, an engagement party for Golf and her was supposed to happen. I feel sorry for the girl and their baby. She understood what was happening between Golf and Bank back then but maybe has the same circumstances as them, being told what to do by her parents.

Final thoughts

I did not know I was going to cry so hard for this movie. The first half was light, the second half was heavy I needed to pause and cry. 😭

I'm not sure what were the writers thinking when writing this movie. Is it to support same-sex relationship or to discouraged them because this too sad for me. 😭

I'm really disappointed to their parents, like super. I don't know the context in Thailand during this time but now, we are getting so many bl dramas with supportive families and I'm very happy and thankful for that. 😊

Bank and Golf were both 16 (if Im right) this movie and they did so well! 😭😭😭 The movie was a successs (I'm assuming) cause they made a series out of it (My Bromance: The Series) with a whole new casts.

Fluke Natouch (Bank) was so fluffy in here! 😭 He's smile is the same, he's crying face is the same, him being shy and angry are the same as today and he's just too adorable! He matured a little, I don't wanna say a lot (lols) but I think his acting is way better today (of course bruh, this was 6 years ago). 😂

Fluke Teerapat (Golf) was also good. If I'm not mistaken, this was his first movie ever and I can see his potential as an actor. And he was also in the bl drama SOTUS as a supporting character. I haven't seen this drama yet but I'm planning to. 😊 Hope he will have more projects in the future.

I'm hoping a reunion project with the whole casts! Except their parents. I don't want them near to Bank and Golf. 😤

I hope this is helpful. Its more of a ranting than a review. 😂 Please do watch the movie if you can. And please support the whole cast especially the Flukes! 😍

[wannawrite]

Neighbour In Danger

MXM's / Produce 101's Im Youngmin X Reader 

TW: mentions of alcohol, smoking, violence, sexual harassment 

Word count: 1868

• You're walking back down a shady ass lane after school 

• it's hella creepy so something's bound to happen 

• neighbour! Youngmin ( saves the day ) says hi  

• ft. created character Jessica 

⚠️ ATTENTION ⚠️ 

YOUNGMIN HAS DEBUTED WITH DONGHYUN AS MXM ( alpaca and buffalo ) AND I AM LIVING THANK YOU 

thank you for requesting this anon, hope you like it :))) sorry it took SO INCREDIBLY LONG I SHOULD QUIT 

Fun fact: my school actually has night study sessions 

________ 

You groaned, rubbing your temples and slammed your mathematics textbook shut, the sudden thud cut through the graveyard like silence in the library yet every student was too focussed on their material to even flinch at the noise. 

You glanced at the clock. 

10.12 pm. 

You should have started to head back home about an hour ago, as your house was pretty far away from your college but of course, you were too engrossed in your notes and hadn't realised how fast time had flown by. It had been an exhausting Friday at school, the last thing you wanted was to stay any later for night study. 

Your best friend, Jessica, who you had come to the night study session with, barely noticed when you stood up and pushed you chair in. Of course, you could wait for her to wrap up and take a taxi home together but she lived within walking distance... it was late and dangerous for anyone out though. 

"Jess, let's go. It's so late already," you hissed, tapping on her shoulder. 

She nodded, packing up her books and stationery. You bid the sleeping librarian goodbye and ventured out into the night. It was weird to see campus which was usually bustling with life deserted like a ghost town. 

"There's no way we can get a taxi at this hour, school's too inconvenient. We have to walk out and I might as well just walk home," Jess said, half asleep.

"Do you want me to walk you home? Are you okay?" You offered. 

"No, no. Thanks but you stay really far away and I don't want to detour you any further. Walk out. Grab a taxi, go home," Jessica insisted, declining your offer.

She had a point, a good one at that. 

So, you hugged her goodbye and made sure she was safely across the street until you flagged a taxi and began your journey home. It was so dark in that part of town it made you shudder, at least around campus was better lit but this estate is more rundown than the one I live in, you thought. 

I hope my parents have gone to sleep already, waiting for me would be too late.

"Oh my god!" You yelped as the taxi ran over something, after that, something felt amiss. "Uhm..." 

"Sorry miss, I think it's a flat tire. This is how far I can bring you. My apologies, I hope you get home safely," the driver apologised as you paid him for the ride.

"It's okay, accidents happen. Goodnight, be safe," you replied despite the displeasure of walking the remaining journey home. You knew there was a stretch of famous bars before your house, it was pretty freaky at night and you hated to even look at it, much less walk pass. 

Whatever, I'll just ignore them and have the police on speed dial. 

When you stuffed your hand into your pocket, you discovered you had forgotten to bring along your ear pieces. Now you had to just put up with the horrible and loud music playing from the clubs.  

Is today just a series of unfortunate events? 

Slowly but steadily, you stumbled along the street that lead to your house. To your delight, it did get more brightly lit as you ventured closer towards the more developed housing estate but you knew what was coming up soon. Maybe I should have just crashed at Jessica's penthouse...... 

... 

You shivered but not because of the cold gust of wind that blew by. Your ears could already pick up the sound of shitty music in a near region. To make matters worse, it was a Friday night. To clubbers, the night was still young and you knew more people would be arriving to party. 

The stretch approached, it was just across from where you hid, behind a large tree. You hoped you could avoid it. 

Should I call my dad to come and get me?....No! No! He's probably sleeping after working so hard... or he's still in the hospital working. 

You shook your head free of unreasonable ideas and inhaled a deep breath. "Okay, Y/N. You can do this, there's nothing to be afraid of," you told yourself then poked your head round to check. 

Ew, there were people smoking outside. 

Not that you had anything against it or them, you just hated the smell of smoke. Tentatively, you took a small step but quickened your pace as you passed club after club, bar after bar. You tuned out to the wolf whistles, cat calls and shouts, trying to attract your attention. 

"Hey! You! School girl!" ( that kink can fcking die already )

"Someone's got cake!" 

"Join us!" 

You forced yourself to look away and continued walking, jogging almost. 

"Hey! Come back!" 

"Don't ignore us!" 

You could feel the anxiety and fear bubbling inside of you. The second you heard a beer bottle smash on the ground and fast footsteps approaching, you tore off down the road. 

... 

Thud. Thud. Thud. 

You weren't sure if that was the sound of your heart or the sound of footsteps pounding on the pavement. Beads of perspiration trickled down the side of your face but you didn't even stop to wipe it off, all you could concentrate on was making a break from those weird guys. 

But of course, you were beyond dead-tired and your heavy bag and books weighed you down tremendously. There was no way you could outrun them... but you had to try. The ground was bumpy and made it hard for you to get a stable grip, your ankles throbbed from all the exertion. The tears which had welled up in your eyes because of your fear started to drip down your cheeks when you felt your legs buckling in, worn out. 

"Aww, she's crying." One of them said, slime dripping from his words. Another yanked you up by your hair, causing you to scream. "She's a loud one. Let's see how loud she can really be tonight." 

"Don't touch me!" You shouted, kicking but it was useless, they were just too strong for you. Their chortles disgusted you to no end and you wanted it to all end but there was only one ending to situations like these. You felt fury, not fear rise in your chest. You opened your mouth to retaliate but someone cut you off.

"Hey!"

There wasn't time for the first dude to react, he was on the floor, knocked out cold with his nose bleeding profusely in seconds. 

Your eyes shot up to the person who had punched him but it became a blur after that. Managing to wrangle free from the other man's grasp, you escaped to a safer corner while a knight dressed in a black hoodie and black jeans battled with the other two sickos. He seemed to be really young, you got a glimpse of his face. 

Wait, wasn't that Im Youngmin? My new neighbour? He had briefly introduced himself a few weeks ago. 

You couldn't be sure but at least you had a suspect. 

Wow, he's so strong...and handsome. Shut up! This isn't time for you to be thinking about that! 

You blushed at the memory of you watching Youngmin watering his plants shirtless early in the morning as you were doing some morning stretches. 

Y/N, no! 

You gasped when Youngmin didn't notice the other man come up from behind with a glass shard, he was too busy fighting the other one off. 

Instead of yelling 'look out' helplessly, you grabbed your 10cm thick, hard cover with 400 pages of text mathematics textbook and ran forward. There was an advantage from a back attack, using all your might, you brought the book down on the man's head, before he could spin round, you hit him again with the book and he collapsed on the ground, writhing in both shock and pain. 

Hmm, I suppose math textbooks are now important. 

Youngmin managed to subdue the other guy, he didn't take a second glance but grabbed your arm and together, raced down the street. 

...

"Wow, Miss Y/N. I didn't know you were such a badass," he finally broke the silence. 

Playing along, you scoffed, "That's my neighbourhood you moved into, kid. You don't know anything." But despite your brave exterior, you were still badly shaken from the incident, your clammy palms was a dead giveaway. 

"Hey, you okay?" Youngmin asked in a soft, comforting tone. He even stopped in front to look you in the eye. Cautiously, as if not to spook you, he placed his hands on your shoulders to steady you. 

Your breath caught at the sudden close proximity but Youngmin didn't seem affected by it so you tried to control yourself. "I-i'm fine...thanks." 

"You sure? That was... a really rough incident you had," he asked again. 

You nodded, unable to manage uttering words, at least intelligibly. 

"Why were you out so late?" 

"I could ask the same for you." 

"Ahh, there she is. The infamous little chilli padi I hear about from my neighbours. Well, Donghyun wanted to watch a movie but we realised we had like zero snacks so he sent me out on a convenience store run," he revealed without hesitation. 

Donghyun? Another other attractive boy?

But you couldn't lie and say that you weren't more attracted to Youngmin, especially after he had saved you. "College night study session," you answered, looking down at your feet as you continued walking. 

"Ahh! It must be finals season. Well, all the best, study hard." 

"T-thank you," you whispered, face reddening. 

"Aww! You're so cute!" Youngmin complimented, his eyes twinkling brightly. 

You were grateful you arrived at your gate, unable to tolerate anymore of the handsome boy who had rescued you. "Uhm, thanks...really...f-for w-what happened just now," you stammered out, ashamed. 

Youngmin adopted a more sincere tone and posture. "Hey, don't worry about it. Please take care of yourself, okay? Don't be too shaken by it, I know it's scary and traumatic but I'm right across the street. I'll come when you call me. Please do. Okay?" 

Giggling, you agreed, at least it helped you banish whatever had just happened from your mind for now. "How about I come over tomorrow?" You boldly suggested. 

Youngmin clapped. "Wow. A pretty girl wants to come over to my house. How can I say no?" He smiled at you. "Sure, I can introduce you to Donghyun. I think he'll love you....Well, goodnight Y/N....Oh! Let’s go to the police station tomorrow, I’m not going to let those bastards off.” He waved goodbye and blew a kiss. 

You pretended to catch it, "Goodnight, don't dream of me too much." 

You knew Youngmin was watching to make sure you entered your house safely. Tonight had been wild, it was scary and something you would never forget. At least Youngmin was there to help. You settled onto your bed, sighing, cheeks blushing bright pink. You could see from your window that Youngmin was opening the gate to his own house, he had got home safely too. 

That made you feel more assured that your new crush friend was safe.

[v-le]

Kdrama: Tomorrow With You Review

Forewarning: There are moments within this review in which I sort of abandon any sense of professionalism, oops. Enjoy! *images to be added soon.

The OTP

Same age in real life omg I've never seen a pair so perfect.

NO SECOND LEADS. I absolutely love it when the focus is only on the mains, with no pointless distractions or love triangles that go no where. I love it. i rly do

cute cute cute cute times a million

They honestly looked like a legitimate couple, I feel like I could spot several moments when they even broke through their actual characters and ad-libbed it out or something

Many people were also complaining about how slow (I assume they meant relationship progression???) it was, and got annoyed over their "back-and-forth-ness"?? honest to god, yes they were so beautiful that I barely noticed it. But also, it was so logical to me, the process they went through in which they lied to each other & then failed to communicate until later. Like, it didn’t piss me off because it made sense...? I didn’t see anything wrong with it? It went a little like: 

Yoo So-joon hits on her because he knows how they’re connected by death.

He tries to shake her off, but realizes who she really is (a fellow survivor).

He becomes interested again.

THEY FCKING GET MARRIED in FCKING EP 4 IF THAT IS SLOW TO U, THEN STFU AND GTFO

He obvi don’t love her fully, but she’s already heads over heels

She feels suspicious af and he doesn’t tell her stuff (that even his friends know). And he gets angry easily while he tries to protect his ppl, but keeps his secret hidden.

She got sick and he pulls off his romantic but materialistic resolution.

He opens up to her a little bit more and they cry it out.

He makes a wrong move again and then is basically forced to reveal his secret.

She’s like what the actual fuck is wrong with you, but comes to terms with it.

They get closer, but she feels empty because she rly don’t know much about him and he is as careless as ever.

Her heart breaks over the reality of him disappearing so easily.

So-joon is slowly realizing the future that’s in store for them.

Tries to call it quits and play noble idiot, but she won’t take his fake, snarky ass.

So they make up and he really really really realizes that he must change the future, no matter what. He has nothing left for her him but her.

He tries hard. but doesn’t try hard enough.

By the time he disappears & she waits for two years, they are basically one heart.

By the time they reunite they are the cutest couple in the world.

I think a big issue people had with So-joon’s character was that "he didn’t love her" when they got married, but I think that wording is extremely misleading and not entirely accurate. Yes, I don’t think that at that point he could say "I love you" to her with sincerity, but it’s not like he flat out was disgusted by her or hated her…?? It was more like, he was not fully aware of what he was getting himself into, by getting married. Not just to her, but the concept of marriage and the commitments that come with it in the first place. That was what he was not on board with, which is how he may have come off as indifferent. But we all knew that Song Ma-rin would change him for the better because the ones with flawed intuition always get taught a good lesson or two from their loved ones.

DO U KNOW how MaNY times he was shirtless WITh HEr?????

I swear I think I counted properly, but they kissed like 9+ times and probably hugged like 15+ times like omfg I’m pretty sure that is a record

Can I also just mention that for me, when a couple wipes each other's tears, like when one of them actually takes their fingers and smushes the falling teardrops, that is just game set. To me, that solidifies their relationship as one where 1) they aren’t embarrassed to cry in front of each other 2) they care enough to show tender affection for each other 3) they sympathize together. And that is exactly what they did. MORE THAN ONCE excuse me.

The Plot

A lot of people complained about the various flaws within the actions of the characters and the mechanics of time-travelling. Honestly… like I mentioned earlier, since the OTP was so convincing to me, the holes in logic kinda flew past my head. Like, I didn’t dissect them too deeply because I was so distracted, or I just didn’t bother

Don’t you see that their progression only felt natural?? You start out with one side that is overconfident about the commitment as if he’s strolling through a park while the other is lovestruck, but always smart enough to know when bullshit is going on, and is never afraid to call the other out for it. It only took a matter of time for them to find real and genuine appreciation for each other, and it was worth it.

"WTF were you thinking moments" & justification:

So-joon letting Song Ma-rin go home by herself while Kim Young-jin was still lurking. Ok I have no solution to this like you honestly....DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM AHJUSSHI THAT YOU BASICALLY GOTTA STICK TO THE PERSON LIKE GUM IF YOU WANT THEM TO BE SAFE?? U HAVE TO HAVE THEM IN UR SIGHTS AT ALL TIMES.

So-joon getting onto subway and ultimately getting stabbed. Ok, he even said himself that he wanted to catch him with his own hands because if he doesn’t now, he'll get away and who knows how much more havoc he could wreak? The police would do no good being there blatantly, and so he had to hold out since he was the bait anyway. He just should’ve been smarter with defense, like c’mon man let’s not get cocky with your fighting skills now.

So-joon letting her run onto the street. Ok yes, he def should’ve reacted faster and realized what kinda danger she would be in after being aware of it for like 2 years aiya. But I assume it was a spur-of-the-moment, blinded happiness kinda thing. They were cute af and they were happy and like who really thinks that hard y’know???

So-joon just bracing himself and Ma-rin for the car crash. He was facing their deaths, I assume. Yes, they could’ve just jumped out of the way, but at the same time, he had already mentioned that he just wanted to enjoy the small moments they have together, instead of always trying to cheat and change fate. If they were meant to die in that moment, he was going to take it as is. (which is lightweight greedy bc wb marin???? but whateves lol).

I really do think that the story-line was extremely tightly woven to begin with. Even up until episode 16, we saw scenes from episode 1, and vice versa; everything fell into place perfectly and the details were down to each minute of their lives. Everything was very clearly thought out and i felt like they picked and pulled at certain pieces at the proper times and revealed others at the most crucial of times, too. Props to the writing team for creating such a complex & dynamic web of characters and events that spanned nearly 3 decades.

The Cinematography

Stunnnningggggg. Especially that iconic moment in episode 1 when he pulled her out of the path of an oncoming truck and talked to her for the first time, like the way the sunlight was hitting the camera, it was just something else I swear.

Overall, the colors were warm and fluffy, but the future def always looked more bleak and dry and dark.  Beautiful dualism with a strong impact.

Also can I just mention that when So-joon disappears, it’s also very mystifying, the fast wisps are quite a touch.

Also ngl the couple themself was extremely aesthetic; like they are both very attractive people & when attractive people cuddle a part of you kinda just dies inside, y’know??

The Emotions

Ok I admit that my reactions were probably overboard because I was so attached

but straight up this is the kind of drama my heart was searching for.

I always love it so so so so much, (although realistically speaking, it’s only fantasy ones that can pull this off w/o it being some noble idiocy shit) when the force that is keeping a couple apart is a force that is greater than themselves. It’s more than them just choosing to not be together. It’s them wanting so desperately to be together, but circumstances, in the best kind, life and death ones, prevent them from doing so. The reason I like these kind of situations so much is seriously because that’s where all the love comes out. The pain of love.

It was so so so soooooo excruciatingly painful to watch So-joon and Ma-rin's future unfold the exact way he saw it would. It tore me to pieces because I could feel Ki-doong's hopelessness from losing his best friend to a murderer, Ma-rin's deathly painful heartbreak from simply NOT knowing what in the world is going on or what will happen (and for her dad to tell her to move on), but just having to wait, and So-joon's very own inability to fix it all. Oh dear lord watching him visit her grave in the future where she no longer exists, that shattered my sanity because it hurt so much.

I literally cried in the smallest of moments. When he disappeared in front of her eyes, I burst into tears along with her because her crying was so beautiful (yes, actually tho), but at the same time, I felt it deep down inside. It felt trivial, to cry over that one moment, but it also meant so much more than that. It represented a real fear of losing your loved one, and o dear lord i can’t.

Like I said, the heartbreak was everything I’ve been wanting. It felt so raw. In those moments where even he cried because he was so scared for the future (after eating in the tent with ahjusshi, calling ahjusshi on the phone in the cafe, reading her letters sent to him from her past self), knowing how much was on the line, and how much he just wanted it to be okay, it hurt so much because I had so much hope along with him. I honestly didn’t expect them to allow their future to play out the exact way he saw it; I rly thought that they’d pull some plot twists because that’s what dramas do......... and so when everything really did unfold painfully, my heart was unprepared and it tore apart. Even though I knew that they would be together in the end no matter what, I didn’t know how, and everything still hurt like fking crazy.

I know a drama does it right when I can feel the pain physically in my own chest. When it suddenly feels so heavy and ache-y that I kinda wanna give up in life a little bit. That's when a drama pulled the right strings & carved a good-sized void in my heart.

The Special Connections

I, tbh only decided to watch this because I found out that Kim Feel, my eternally favorite musician, sang an OST for it, and I was feeling extra down from his military enlistment. What a beautiful gem he brought me to. When his voice played at the still frames in the ends of some episodes, my heart filled with this indescribable sort of happiness and longing.

The "seoul station" that So-joon refers to is actually called Si-cheong station, one I manage to catch a geofilter for back when I was in Korea!!!!!!!!!!! It was an exciting discovery, to find out that the exact route So-joon takes back and forth is one that I have traveled on myself.

Idk if this really has to do with anything, but the director also directed Oh My Ghostess and King of High School, so everyone kept saying that this drama would be a rom com BUT BOY WAS THAT SHIT DARK AS F*CK IDK WHAT Y’ALL HAD IN MIND BUT like, no no, no, that was nowhere close to the other 2 dramas he made. It was a beautiful change of atmosphere nonetheless.

The Message

The fact that Ma-rin is a photographer speaks volumes. For a man who is infatuated with the future and has lost focus of the present, just one photograph can speak volumes. A photograph captures the present and instills a moment in time. For Marin, this is what her life's work depended on; this is what she lived by. Capturing the present and cherishing individual seconds in time. And for So-joon, this is exactly the kind of person he needed to save him from himself and his future selves. So so so beautifully laid out.

Even just the ending line: "today". Like akjfkjdagkahkgdhlanjak, if you don’t get the message from this then you are just... idk wtf you’ve been watching LOL. Granted, the drama is called "Tomorrow With You", but clearly that is not what they are tryna get at. That was the theme throughout the entirety of the drama with So-joon being an apprehensive wuss, but the reality of it is to face the present, and live for a today with you. Love love love <3

Favorite Moments

When he asks "So... do you like me?" and she replies "Was there ever a time when I didn't????" LIKE IDK something about the trivial-ness of both statements yet how deep they hit home.... like obviously, they like each other or else they wouldn’t have gotten so far. But the fact that he had a need to reiterate that, and the fact that she was like "dude have I not made myself clear how much I like u" like that is just so adorably cute and squishy goals to me omggg.

When she sniffs him as they walk home from dinner and giggles and says "Hehehe husband smell" OMG WHY R THEY SO FREAKING CUTE I JUST--.

When he disappeared right before her eyes, it shattered everything in me.

When he grabbed her and saved her from the accident, it was one 2-sec move that altered entire lifetimes, for better or for worse. It was beautifully shot, despite it being an extremely cliche move. It’s okay. It was gorgeous and it’s def my favorite wrist grab to date LOL.

When he started crying because he saw the car accident on the news and he legit was dropping tears, but she laughed it off and hugged him and her smile was so sweet and innocent but he’s legit in agony and it was just so cute and heartbreaking at the same time LIKE HONESTLY that phrase is what describes this drama in a nutshell. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Despite its flaws, this drama was honestly what I’ve been looking for so so so long. It’s definitely not my number 1 because there were things it could’ve done better, and each episode did not stand out like a number 1 drama should have, but it definitely tore me to pieces, out of joy AND despair. I loved it to bits and I will never forget this gorgeous couple and their journey that transcended time.

[rainbowrites]

Season 6 Primer

my stupid fcking computer kept crashing while i was writing this,it was like it was protesting the idea that there are only TWO MORE SEASONS LEFT AAHHHHHHHHH

@wellntruly I can’t believe that I only have one more season primer to write and damn @memory-for-trifles I felt your pain in trying to figure out what to bold for MUST SEE on this list, I just wanted to do all of them!!! so instead I switched it up a little and just bolded the ones that were NECESSARY for plot development (...and then I cheated by italicizing the ones I just really liked)

6x01- 6x06 This is a SIX PARTER, because DS9 goes fucking HARD CORE sometimes. It's not even the longest multi-parter, just wait till next season. anyways, our darling crew are separated, some desperately trying to organize an internal resistance (again, for poor Kira under her second occupation) and some battling out amongst the stars. Things are very dark, but there is always hope, by which I mean hilarity - especially in the form of your favorite Le Carre character

6x01 everyone tries to figure out the new normal in life at war with the Dominion

6x02 lots of soldier vs officer feels (WARNING: there is a suicide)

6x03 all about the relationship between parents and children, starring Worf/Alexander and Dukat/Ziyal

6x04 female changeling appears to try to seduce Odo to the dark side (quark misses Deep Space Drink as much as we do)

6x05 both sides begin to try to take back DS9, from the inside and out, in the first part of a mini-two parter WITHIN the six-parter (jeez Deep Space Serialization)

6x06 THE FINAL BATTLE!!!

6x07 WEDDING EPISODE, WEDDING EPISODE, WEDDING EPISODE!!! featuring all your tropey favorites (terrible mother-in-law, bridezilla, bachelor party shenanigans etc) but with with SPACE TWISTS. I honestly love this episode SO MUCH, what a wonderful return to Deep Space Domesticity after so long at war

6x08 MIRROR VERSE! although it's a bit of a switcheroo because this is mostly Mirror verse characters coming into OUR world rather than the other way around. It's very relationship heavy, about Bareil and Kira, and is pretty skippable but also Mirror verse Kira is in it and I ADORE her

6x09 an episode based entirely around Bashir's enhancements, and the idea of 'what happened to the other kids who got enhancements, but weren't able to hide it like he did?' There's some interesting stuff here about disability, mental illness, and the way society treats the neurodiverse

6x10 a fun adventure episode in which the Ferengi go on a mission to be big damn heroes, and maybe make a little latinum in the process (fun story: Iggy Pop is in this episode!)

6x11 Sisko and Dukat get ship wrecked, Lost style (so the answer to your question 'is this lost' will FINALLY be yes) Dukat goes crazy just as fast as you'd expect in this AMAZING episode that manages to keep up tons of tension while basically just being two people talking for an hour

6x12 just like Morn manages to be a recurring character without ever actually saying a word this episode manages to be ALL ABOUT HIM while not having him in it pretty much at all. it's a fun little romp that explores how even background characters have their own lives going on while we're focusing on the main cast

6x13 I think this might be the most critically acclaimed star trek episode like... ever? it was definitely up for 3 emmys and is most of the casts's favorite episode. IT'S JUST REALLY THAT GOOD. It's sci-fi and Star Trek at it's best. It makes me cry every time, and is still painfully important today with it's struggle between desperation and hope regarding civil rights. Super notable for this episode basically saying that sometimes you just need to say FUCK METAPHORS and scream about how horrible racism is without pretending it’s about aliens. Also the only time in ST history an actor has directed an episode where he was the central character, since they wanted to have a black director and Avery wanted this episode

6x14 Honey I Shrunk The Runabout! it’s a fun little episode with plenty of Bashir/O’Brien banter

6x15 O'Brien goes UNDERCOVER and things GO SOUTH in this grungy gangster AU. there is one really funny scene back on DS9 that is literally just that the station is falling apart without O'Brien's magic touch in another case of B-plot being way better than A-plot - it's only one scene, so just watch that and get out

6x16 Dax and Worf are Adorable, shade is thrown at TNG, and hilarious zingers are thrown about as they tramp through a jungle before things abruptly get Very Very Serious. it's pretty much pure Relationship episode so I loved it

6x17 Kira gets to meet her mother when she time-travels back to the Occupation in another episode of the ongoing saga Kira Searches For Truth No Matter How Painful And Enraging in this incredible and incredibly intense episode

6x18 a switch up, in that BASHIR Must Suffer, as he's accused of being a Dominion spy, not just a James Bond spy. Really intense and spirals quickly into some very dark places

6x19 the road to hell is paved with good intentions in another one of DS9's most famous and intense episodes, revolving around Sisko and Garak as Sisko asks himself what he's willing to do to protect the Alpha Quadrant.

6x20 A space rom-com featuring cupid as a 1960's lounge singer who's perfectly aware he's a holoprogram pally. Who better than an AI to teach Odo how to stop being such a square and get down with the cool cats? you finally get an episode that’s just ALL ABOUT THIS STATION’S LARPING

6x21 holy shit, quite literally, as Bajor's gods decide it's time for THE END OF DAYS. The Reckoning is at hand on DS9!

6x22 a Nog-centric episode where he and Jake end up stranded in a war zone with a bunch of wild-eyed cadets

6x23 considered the worst episode of DS9, it features Quark getting a temporary sex change. there's some nuggets of good stuff, especially the feminist movement, and Shimmerman does his best with a terrible script, but on the whole this was definitely one long cringe of an episode

6x24 Molly gets accidentally transported to the age of dinosaurs, only a few hours pass for us but 10 years go by for her. the rest of the episode is the O'Briens trying to come to terms with their new feral daughter and reintegrate her into society in a really weird, dark Tarzan-ish episode. The B-plot is a lovely bit of Jadzia-Worf relationship as they babysit Kirayoshi, if you skip this episode then at least watch that part

6x25 this is basically DS9 therapy hour, and it’s GREAT (what do you mean I’m biased as a therapist-in-training and that this isn’t actually plot necessary? SH-SHUT UP, YOU’RE BIASED! IT’S MY PRIMER I DO WHAT I WANT!! IT’S NECESSARY TO MY HEART)

6x26 this seriously feels like the darkest, saddest DS9 season finale EVER, so like... BRING TISSUES. NO, MORE TISSUES THAN THAT. NO, MORE. 

M O R E

[wastedwishesandhope]

One last..

Anna feels standing alone in the middle of a desert, or an ocean, or in a wild forest. Her mind was floating around and she can’t even focus on anything. She’s deaf, blind and mute for a moment. She feels so shallow and she can’t feel anything inside her. It’s just too much for her to think and make decisions when she can’t even notice the lines at the back of her getting longer.

“Miss?”

The guy in cashier called her out for the 3rd time when they can’t seem to get her attention.

“Hey, Miss? Would you please make it fast? There are people waiting in line behind you!” another woman tried breaking her attention again but Anna was still immobile and look fixedly.

“Hey, miss? Your change is here!” the cashier boy finally tapped her on her shoulders and like an iceberg, she melted and was back again- alive.

She stood there, shock for solid three seconds, trying to absorb her surrounding and understand what’s going on.

“Are you okay? We’ve been calling your attention for hours?” the young boy said again.

 Anna quickly shook her head to think straight and quickly grab the chips, tissue papers and chips she bought in the convenient store, then bow to apologize for the inconvenience she made with the other customers. Without looking back, she stormed out of that store and stopped beside the road. She was panting like she’d been running for hours. Sweats formed on her hairline and wiped it using the back of her hands. She looked around and she had never noticed the sun was down already and only light posts providing enough brightness to streets. The stop lights flickering in red and green, like it was telling her to stop and breath first before she goes and begin again.

 Anna looked up at the sky, there was no star above. It’s adding heaviness to her chest and she can’t explain as to how the simple weather would add pain into your heart. As if even the stars wasn’t there to look over you. Or no stars that would help you to catch your attention and would remind you that there’s still beauty in life. She took a deep breath and gulped an ounce of courage to make herself believe that this day will get over and she can get pass through it.

Everything was just too much.

That’s what she felt.

 She started walking across downtown, with bag clinging at her back and her arms wrapped around the chips she bought in the convenient store. She’d been like this since she left the airport and Gikwang. She can’t stop thinking what he had said. It’s been in her mind for hours now, she doesn't know where to hit the button to make it stop.

She continued walking to the street leading to their apartment building when she felt her phone inside her pocket vibrates. She opened it to see she got facebook notification from her sister who’s still living in L.A. Anna stopped for a second then open it quickly to see what’s the post is about. She marked her sister, her step- mom and even her brother as favourites so she would get notifications on whatever their posts will be. She smiled when she have seen it was a picture where her sister was finally delivered successfully her first baby. It was obviously taken inside a hospital room, and her family, or she treat as her family, was complete with them. The baby looks so cute and she suddenly misses them out of nowhere. She thought that if she could go back there to at least ask how they are, she bet she’d be happy at least for a short period of time.

Anna excitedly put a comment of “Congratulation’s, Nana- unnie!”

When she’s about to check the other pictures, the screen suddenly went to ‘page is unavailable’, she tried refreshing the page and type in their names in search box but even her step- mom and brother went unavailable. Anna thought she might running out of data but when she tried playing a random video on youtube, it’s playing and loading. She tried again once but the empty screen of ‘page in unavailable’ kept popping back at her.

Wow..

She searched in google what that could possibly mean and figured out it has two meanings. Either the page shut down, or you have been blocked from someone else account. She doesn’t need to know what maybe it could be. She’s blocked. Her own family blocked her in social media. She tried looking their profiles even in twitter and instagram but everything is just the same. She was blocked by her own family.

Like a stone fell from a cliff and broke into a million tiny pieces, her shoulders fell and her heart crashed into million pieces, too. Just again. Anna just shrugged her shoulders fighting over the pain of finally being alone in this world. She tried avoiding to think for negative sides but she can’t help to think that everyone was just leaving her. Just like what he’s doing now.

There’s not a day that goes by that he’s not on her mind. The thought of him consumes her. She’s being trapped in some God awful metaphorical room of everything that reminds her of him. Every little thing.

Anna put back the phone inside her pocket and continued walking on a short street that felt like a long walk. She took a very deep- breath, the one you needing when you’re so done with life.

 Winds breathe so hard, just like the breath she made yet disregard.

Her hair blew and dance like leaves, showing how it ignores her grieves.

Few drops of rain fell on her cheeks, pretending it was her tears.

Few mist smell of rain sprayed into her like an agonizing pain.

She was just a few blocks away from her apartment when the rain started pouring so heavy. She didn’t mind it. She was soaking and dripping wet, inside out. Her pace never changes, it stays neutral and she walks like there’s no thunder or heavy rains trying to get her attention. Even lightning will never win over the screams trapped in her mind.

She walked in the hallway leaving traces of wet footsteps, dripping coat, and heavy breathing. Everything doesn’t matter at all.

 That fcking love will kill you.

 Gikwang’s voice rang against her ears, it’s like an echo shouted right behind her head, it sends waves all throughout her body, shoots nails onto her soul and knocks her sanity.

Yes, love will kill you. Just like how this love was slowly killing me right now. Even the love for my own family was killing me, it’s like a knife stabbed into my chest. And the love I offered to him just pushes it hard to make sure it hit my heart and crushed it.

What did I do wrong to suffer like this?

What did I do to deserve pain like this?

 “Anna?”

 She stopped walking and raising her head to see who it was. There she sees her best friend Deby. Standing right in front of their door, watching her in a terrible situation. And at that right moment, at that second, Anna fall apart. In her darkest room, she finally sees a glimpse of light. A light from someone who has never ever left her from behind.

“You… you’re soaking wet and… are you okay?”

 Anna just stared back at Deby. No words want to slip from her lips, because she knows she’ll just break down. No words are enough to describe the pain she’s suffering right now. She feels like she can’t walk because anytime soon her knees would turn weak that it won’t be enough to make her stand on her feet. Everything seems piling up, emotions rushing and it won’t stop.

Deby watched her soaked hair, soaked shoes, and soaked bag, she can see the liquid dripping from the hem of her coat, and she was stopped when she examined her soaked face, not because of the rain, but because of her own tears.

 “Anna, what the hell is going on?”

 Anna bit her lips to fight over her sobs but she can’t control it any longer. The tears burst forth like a water from a dam. She feels the muscle of her chin trembles like a small child and looks forward her best friend as if it would soothe her. The walls that hold her up, making her strong, just collapse. Moment by moment they fall. Salty drops fall from her chin, drenching her shirt more. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses of recovering breaths. Anna heard her own sound, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of her she didn’t know she had left to give. That’s the way it is when people are hard. It’s like a theft of a spirit, an injury no other person can see.

She is crying so hard now.

She started opening her mouth, her voice is broken, she’s breathing hard and she’s crying hard non- stop, “D-Deby..” she sob and choked with her own voice, “I… I am tired.”

Deby bit her lips to prevent herself from crying of watching her own best friend looking so miserable and helpless.

“I am tired of… everything,” then she choked again with her cracked voice. “I- I am tired of living…”

A tear finally fell on Deby’s face also, she quickly wiped it with her palms, she can’t explain the feeling how painful it was to see a very special person breaking down in front of you.

“H- Help me Deby.. i- it’s painful i- inside. I- I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s painful, I can’t take it off, h- help me please.”

With that last word, Deby finally rushed into her to hug her best friend so tight. So tight that it almost crashed her fragile body just to make her feel she’s not alone. That Anna still has someone who will love and be with her in dark phases like this.

Anna sobbed into her shoulder unceasingly, hands clutching at her best friends jacket. Deby held her in silence, rocking her slowly as her tears soaked her shoulders. A tiny lapse let her pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before she collapsed again, her howls of misery worsening.

It was painful to see her like this. All she could do was embrace her and let the torrent of her tears to soak through her shirt. She could feel her clench her fist, not knowing to be mad or to give up hope all together. She could hear her silently screaming, suffocating with each breath she took holding onto her pride. She ran her fingers through her hair, time and time again, in an attempt to calm the silent war within her mind.

 —     —      —

 Deby closed the door behind her after telling her mother that she should stop worrying for Anna and that they need to be alone for little girl talk.  The worried mother just nods and sign to call her out if they need something. She finally went in and walk closer to the bed to see Anna who’s now dry and wearing the pajamas she borrowed from Deby, her own apartment was just another door but Deby insists on making use her own clothes.

She sat next to her and Anna was calm now though her expression won’t deny her position right now. She still looks miserable and in pain. The best friend just took a deep breath and stare at her gloomy face.

“I won’t force you to talk to me if you’re not comfortable yet,” she said which made Anna look on her way. She’s sitting on the bed with her chin on her knees and arms wrapped around her legs. Her still wet hair fell onto her back and few strands hanging on her face.

“I don’t know how to thank you Deby for just simply being here with me now,” she answered. Way too far from what her answer supposed to be.

Deby just smiled a bit and remove the hair on her face,

“That’s what friends are for, right? I will always be here Anna. If you feel like the whole world turned their backs at you, always remember you got me. You got one soul to stand up for you,”

 Anna snorts to laugh and sit straight to wipe the tear fell on her cheeks once again, “This is so cheesy, I can’t believe at some point of our life, we’ll talk like this,” she said laughing.

Deby scrunches her nose and nose, “Me either,” and they laugh like insane little cats.

The rain still pouring heavy outside and the rain tapping on the glass window makes the whole atmosphere calm. It’s like a melody singing with their sad beats.

“Deby..”

Her friend looked at her waiting for her next words.

“I’m sorry again, for keeping things from you, and also on top of that, I left without further notice in the library,”

“No worries about that, I know that you wouldn’t keep things from me if you have no enough reasons, right? And about what happened in library, it doesn’t matter.”

Deby waited for her to speak again but it took few minutes still Anna wasn’t looking at her, her head is low and it seems like she’s not yet okay to talk about it.

“If you’re sleepy you can now go to sleep, I understand you, Anna. Don’t pressure yourself yet,”

“Everything just piling up on me,”

She suddenly started. Deby stayed quiet waiting for her to continue.

“I thought I’ve already accepted the fact that the family I’ve grown up with cut their ties with me, but knowing they simply blocked me from facebook just literally tore me apart already,”

Deby heaved a deep breath, “They sound so immature for doing that, why are they so pissed with you? As if you made a big mistake in life! It’s not your fault that your dad fell in love with your mom and that almost tore their ugly family down!” she rant.

“Can’t blame them, maybe they just need someone to blame for all their pains,”

“As if that would lessen their pain. That’s bullshit, Anna.”

She just smile bitterly and nod.

“Was that only your reason why you broke down like that?”

She shakes her head, “Another reason was the person I thought would be my wall when things fell apart…”

Deby bit her lips anticipating her next stories, “Is this… is this ‘that’ someone you can’t tell me?” she bravely asked now and Anna just nodded.

“I think I can’t tell his name yet, sorry..” Anna said staring at her best friend.

“It’s okay, if his name would be painful to you, I don’t mind knowing who this douchebag is,” she assures and smile.

“Maybe… let’s just call him.. evil..” the complete opposite of what I used to call him as my angel, she thought.

“Hmm.. better! I like that name Anna, I don’t know him yet but I think that name fits him well,” then they both laughed.

Laugh filled in the whole room and brighten up their mood for at least a bit of seconds and Anna thanked her best friend for that, she got someone who can make her laugh under the stress.

“Okay, so start now, tell me where’d you meet this quote and quote evil,” she smiled.

 Anna just stayed smiling, thinking where to start, where she’d really meet him. In youtube? In pictures? In a fan meeting? Or fan signing? In concert? Or what? She doesn’t know and its absurd to tell her if she would say he meet this evil in a fan signing. That sounds crazy. She knows it well.

“Just down the street..” she started, recalling that night, that cold- winter night of December she met Park Jimin. “And he asked me a very random thing,” yes, when her angel said he’s hungry out of nowhere.

“What did he asked?”

“Where’s the nearest restaurant because he’s hungry,” she lied in some part of it.

“And then what happened next? That’s so shallow, it is so obvious that he’s hitting on you,”

Anna nods. Yes, maybe Park Jimin found something with her. Something that’s impeccable.

“And then…” she trailed off, reminiscing back what he did next. Deby waited, anticipates, watching her friend seriously, “He kissed me..”

The latter’s jaw fell and her mouth wide- opened, “Seriously?! Y- You really let him kissed you?! What if he’s a stalker?! A rapist?! For fucks sake Anna! Seriously?!” she almost shouted with the shocking revelation. Anna just smiles bitterly, she’s acting like this when there’s more to it that she can’t tell yet.

“Why’d you let him kiss you?! Wait! Is he cute?! Is he hot?! Is he handsome?! OMG! Tell me!” and then she starts wiggling like an excited puppy to pet her in the head. Anna laughed and nods.

I don’t think you would complain if a Park Jimin would kiss you out of nowhere, she thought. Which my big mistake, because I’d let him pulled my guard down.

And then the story goes, Anna told her the real story behind their relationship, how they went to Daegu, but keeping some few facts still, like they stayed in Taehyung’s house and they met his mom. She keeps some facts like she can’t talk to him in public because he’s no normal. Like she can’t date him like what normal couples do, because he’s a celebrity. Like how he took her on top of tallest building in Seoul because she’s crying. Like how their first date went.  Like how she happened to be the girlfriend in this world who doesn’t have any contact information to her boyfriend. Everything is just so complicated.

 “Then why did he suddenly stop talking to you? It seems like he cut your connection to him. That’s unacceptable!” Deby reacts.

“I don’t know either, I’m clueless. And apparently, it’s affecting me so much.”

“He’s been out of reach for one whole fucking month, who would not?”

Anna just nods and let out a thick breath through her nose.

“Have you ever felt that Deby?” she suddenly asked.

“Felt what?”

“It’s like half running and half jumping just to catch a balloon that’s already flying to the sky. It’s like trying to hold the waves with your hands. I don’t know if you ever felt that way. Chasing someone who’s just right there in front of you. Yet no matter how hard you try to hold them, you just can’t. No matter how fast you are, you just can’t meet them on the finish line. Yes, it’s like someone you can’t have. Yet what I mean is someone losing interest in you. Someone you once had, but don’t want to be part of your life anymore.”

A pregnant silence took over the bedroom. Anna’s eyes went down and she forced a fake smile on her lips. Deby was lost of words, she felt her best friend pain.

After a few seconds, Deby’s warmth hands crawl unto her best friends hands also. She pressed her hands on top of her hand and stare at her eyes, Anna fought back the tears that were trying to seeped out from her eyes, she’s too tired to cry again. Deby opened her mouth and Anna listened to her words.

“You were made from the stars, and to the stars you will return. Stop wasting your precious light for anyone who doesn’t burn for you,”

 —     —     —

               Park Jimin stopped at threshold when he opened his phone to check out the fan letters sent to them through fan café. He scanned the long list and waited for a particular name to appear, when he reached the bottom, he let out an exhausted breath, she didn’t write any for this day.

“Hyung? We’re heading to grab some food, would you like to join us?” the maknae asked him but he just shook his head and rejects the offer.

“You look so damn tired, you good?” Namjoon asked also after descending from the stairs.

“Yep, I’m tired. I think I need a long sleep,” he answered.

“Okay, you go straight at dorm, we’ll just buy you foods so when you wake up hungry, you have something to eat,” Namjoon offered then smile and pat him in his shoulders. Namjoon and Jungkook both went inside the van whilst Jimin left alone at building’s lobby. Yoongi left inside his studio whilst the rest of the boys decided to take one more practice with Hoseok, and Taehyung is one of them.

Park Jimin checked out the clock to find its 4 A.M already. He opened the glass door and went outside the building to go straight at dorm when a familiar scent started lingering around the place. A scent he misses so much. A smell he craves in. A particular special scent that intoxicates him.

He followed the trail with his eyes, and there he found his princess.

 —   —   —

 She walks alone, the road is wet and slippery, the rain stops just few minutes ago, foggy streets welcomed her and it seems like she’s walking alone in a ghost town. Nothing can be heard around the area, the whole world seems like sleeping. She wrapped her coat around her petite body and the warmth of her pull over touches her skin, eases down the coldness in her body. Anna pulled down her winter warm knitted crochet baggy beanie hat to cover her now red ears.

She sneaked out from her best friend’s room and made her way out up to BIGHIT’s building. She knows it is insane especially that she’s not sure if she would get a chance to meet him in the middle of the night. She’s holding onto something that isn’t there in the first place. She has nothing with her but money, slippers, pajamas underneath her coat and herself.

She made it in front of Bighits building. She looked up on it, thinking nothing. She’d risked already everything, staying here till morning is nothing to her. She’s just so desperate to meet him now. She needs clarification. She needs to know what the hell is going on between them. She can’t wait any longer.

Her teeth’s banging and her jaw are trembling because of cold. Her whole body is shaking and it’s creeping down her bones. She tightened her coat around her body and stood with her knees close, if she could wrap her legs to give warmth, she’d definitely do that now. It is just too cold especially that it rains.

Anna stayed there and waited for one hour, sleep deprived with shaking body and cramping legs. She can feel her lips dried and chapped and her whole face feels like it would start breaking like a dried soil in summer. Anna bit her lips to give moisture and she rubbed her palms together to put it in her cheeks.

Her whole body starts to freeze and it feels like in any minute, she would die there in hypothermia. She started walking back and forth to keep her blood running and to stretch her muscles. She almost tried running in place to make her sweat but it would just be adding to coldness, the more she move, the more the cold wind slap onto her skin.

She sneezes a few times now and she’s coughing also, her throat feels dry and her body seems like giving up first before her.

After a few more hours, she was motivated when the main door of BIGHIT opened and it revealed Jungkook and Namjoon. She tried hiding behind the post light because they might think she’s a creep stalker especially at this hour, they might suspect her for camping out alone like a madman. When the van drove off, Anna stepped out from her hiding place and waited till someone would come out again from that door. Hoping it would be him.

And her wish was granted, the main door opened, and it revealed the man she was praying for. At last, finally, she made it, he’s just few steps away from her, with no one around them. She felt the blood rushed all over her body once again, doesn’t matter now the cold weather, she feels like crying, she’s been waiting for him and it feels like years since their flesh touch, and their eyes met.

She watched Park Jimin halt from his step, and looked around. She knew it. He found that she’s here. His eyes followed the trail on the wind, and his eyes landed on her face. Her heart sank when he looked at her again. Those eyes, she missed them so bad.

 Anna didn’t notice the tears streaming down like falls on her face now. She’s biting her lips trying to control her trembling jaw and chin. Everything is so cold, except her flaming heart. He took a step, and another, and another. Till they’re just one step afar from each other. Park Jimin was just staring at her. Their shadows watching them from the wet and slippery ground of that street. No noises, only the melody of their heart beats.

Jimin examined her whole face, her soaked eyes, her reddened nose, her dried lips, her ears so red and her cheeks looks frozen. He even can hear the faint flow of her blood all over her body, he knew it. She’d been staying outside the freezing temperature and in anytime this might kill her. Her heart beat is also faint but it’s fighting over her adrenalines. He wanted to touch her, to warmth her cheeks, to hug her so tight till she melt with his touch, but he didn’t stir in his place. He remained immobile. No expression in his face. Just watching her.

“H- How are you..?” that’s the first word slipped from her dried lips.

 Jimin heard her thought, she’d been screaming how she missed him so much.

So do I, Anna.

“What are you doing here?” that’s his answer. Cold expression, no emotion.

Anna was taken aback with what he said, this is not what she’s expecting.

“I- I was just… I was just trying to see you? I know this sounds insane but I don’t know how am I going to find a way to get close to you,” she explained.

“Yes, glad you know you sound sick! Can’t believe how stupid you are Anna. It’s fucking freezing cold and you stayed here? For what? For like one hour? Two hours?”

Anna’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Aren’t you even grateful?” she asked.

“Grateful for what? You look so obsessive.”

 And then, there. She felt like was slapped both sides of her face.

“Wow…” that’s the only bearable word she can say.

Jimin tightened his jaw. He went overboard.

“Why are you like that Jimin?” she asked.

“Like what? Anna…” he stopped and took a deep breath then brush his hair with his fingers, “What you are doing right now is just too much. Look! It’s fucking 4 A.M FUCKING. FOUR. A.M. What the hell you thinking?!” he almost yelled pointing out the last words like he’s hating her and screaming for her existence.              

“I KNOW BUT JIMIN YOU FCKING DON’T MEET ME FOR ONE WHOLE MONTH?!” she screamed also, can’t get enough with the raging emotions he builds up inside her.

Yes, please. Get mad at me, Jimin thought.

“Can’t you wait? Look! You dated a celebrity! And damn you know so well how hectic our schedule was!”

“Can’t get a minute to even just call me?” she lowered her voice and her words crack.

He stopped.

They’re both breathing hard now. Both panting from letting each their emotions explodes.

“I don’t think we can keep a relationship like this forever,” he finally said it.

 And that’s what frightened her most. To hear him say those words.

 “How did we turn out like this?” she asked staring at him with the saddest eyes. Jimin can’t stay to look at it anymore that he had to look away and stare instead at walls? At their shadows? At the post light? At anywhere.

“J- Jimin, tell me, what did I do wrong that we have to end like this?” she asked again, and it feels like a tsunami wave has been drowning him with those words.

“You didn’t do anything,” he answered.

“Fucking liar. YOU STARTED AVOIDING ME AND NOW YOU’RE TELLING ME I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING?! THE LAST WORD YOU TELL ME WAS…” she sobbed and choked again, afraid to say those words, “… was ‘I love you, Anna’, then now, you’re just fucking breaking up with me without giving me any valid reasons? What the hell?!”

He watched her cried. That’s the most painful he had ever witnessed in his life. She’s crying in front of him. And on top of that because of him. He’s practically killing his own self by just watching her breaking like that.

“What the hell just happened, angel…?” her words comes into a whisper. It’s a sharp blade and it cutting him slowly inside. What’s more painful is he have to stay he is not affected. He does not move with her tears. He needs to keep his stern look.

“Maybe, I ain’t really your angel, I am your darkest nightmare and a killer, and a grim reaper that would love seeing you dying.”

 Anna can’t explain the pain, it is more than painful than all the pain she had felt when her father died, when her mother disown her, when the pain of being alone is coming all at once. All the words wouldn’t enough to describe the pain inside of her. She can’t understand where it exactly comes from. It feels like a monster wants to break out from her ribs. It feels like she’s dying. It’s an anonymous feeling. It feels like all the veins and muscles tore into shreds inside her heart, it’s getting harder to breathe.

“If you leave someone, at least tell them why, because what’s more painful than being abandoned is knowing you aren’t worth an explanation,”

Jimin fakes a laugh, the one that would put her on edge as if he’s an asshole breaking up with a hoe bitch in college.

“You really want a reason?”

Her heart beat dropped.

“It’s because of all your drama. I don’t think I can stay with a drama queen. Can’t you see yourself now? You’re just so dramatic and it is just a pain in the ass!”

 She left speechless.

“I fucking hate you, Park Jimin.”

 Yes, Anna hate me.

 “What did I do wrong that you have to hurt me this way? Tell me! TELL ME PARK JIMIN WHY ME?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ME?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME INTO MY LIFE AND WRECKED ME LIKE THIS?!” she screamed and her tears soaked not just her face but it also flooded that almost his heart can’t swim out of it.

He just watched her again. Still no emotions.

 “So how could you look me in the eye and not see what I feel inside?” her voice cracked again.

“I seriously hate you. I fucking hate everything about you. I hate that it was so easy for you to leave me. I hate thinking about you waking up one day and realizing I wasn’t what you wanted anymore. I hate that I meant nothing to you, that every raw moment we shared with each other could have been fake. It’s all just too overwhelming.”

“Say anything you want right now Anna whilst you still can, because tomorrow morning, when you wake up, you would never be able to tell me those words again,” he said.

 “I just hate it that you could break my heart into tiny little pieces, and I’d still pick them up and put them back in your hands,”

 He just listened there. Listening to all her cries, he knows anytime soon, same as her, in his own place, he'll break down too and will cry. Jimin don’t know till when he can handle standing in front of her like this.

 “Jimin…” she called out those painful letters. He looked at her eyes, “Tell me this is just a nightmare,”

“No, Anna, this is a good dream, because right now, I am waking you up from your nightmare.”

 Her whole body trembles from crying so much.

The dark clouds witnessed the despair of the young princess.

The shadow watches as if it’s a losing battle of a chess.

The fogs wrapping their weary bodies,

trying to soothe down the tense soul of the young lady.

  “I hope.. I wished, I just turned as one of your victims, because what you did to me, is much more unforgivable than killing me. I hope you just killed me Jimin, because what you did is a torture already.”

What I am doing now is a suicide, Anna…

 “I never meant to hurt you..” he blurted out at least one fact for this night.

“You said you never meant to hurt me? But my bloods on the floor and the knife is in your hands. Now tell me that you never meant to hurt me? You just didn’t hurt me Jimin, you killed me.”

He just stare.

“And today, tonight, right at this second, I regret everything what we had. And I even regret living this shitty life when I should just kill myself before I’d let someone killed me,”

 Then she turned around and started walking away from him. Anna can’t seem to identify what to do now, she is broken. Literally. Broken. She’d been crying and she don’t know how, when or where to stop.

She just took two steps away from him but Park Jimin’s arms extended to grab her hands, to touch her for one last time. She was surprised by what he did, he pulled her closer, grabbed her head with his other hand and pulled her more close to him. It’s already late when she felt their lips touched.

For one last time, she let him kissed her again.

He kissed her for their first Hi!, at night— under the freezing temperature of winter.

And now, he kissed her for a goodbye, at night— accepting that he’s the real sinner.

Just like before, he bit her lips, marked her for one last time, and he tastes the copper blood of her soft lips.

 When you wake up, you don’t have to suffer anymore, princess. Let me take and keep all your pain. Let me suffer for my own mistake.

 And Anna felt a tear fell on her cheeks.

Not from hers. 

But a tear from his.

  I could walk away

And never try again,

I could lie one more time

and say this is good bye.

I could wipe away my tears

And say the bad will disappear,

I could say I never cared

And give you a cold stare.

 But baby you know be best

You’re my bulletproof vest,

And no matter how much you shoot me

I’m not ready to lose you yet.