#one day I'll post my Silco trauma thoughts

[sweatandwoe]

136. "No one does it like you"

Vanco: where Silco tells Vander to pound his ass doggy style.

If I'm writing Vanco like this you gotta know I'm gonna make it angsty

MDNI - From Smut Prompt List

Tags: Zaundads, Vanco, Anal Fingering, Handjob, No one gets to finish, trauma

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"No one does it like you."

Silco's panting already, back slick with sweat. Staring up at the ceiling while thick fingers work inside of him. His lover's other hand curled around his cock, pumping him in time. Just ever so lightly he can feel the curve of Vander's smile against his hip.

"I would certainly hope not. Not after all of these years."

The smaller man's eyes roll, trying to hide a tremble while Vander's fingers curl just so inside of him, pressing against a spot that makes his cock twitch. "You know it's true, or else I wouldn't stay."

"So mouthy tonight."

"You're not going fast enough."

"Not stuttering either." Both hands move, leaving his cock and ass to instead drag down his legs. Strong hands grip his thighs, and before he can object, Vander is turning him facedown into the pillows. His hips are dragged up first, followed by his shoulders. "No hiding that damn mouth of yours either. I want to hear you."

"Wasn't my intention to be turned around." Is all he can say, trying to huff but Vander's spreading him open again. Not even sliding his fingers or his cock in, just staring at him for a moment until Silco's hips tilt, and then fingers meet his entrance once more. Stretching him again, much to Silco's whines.

"Got to prep you, Sil." Vander reminds him because it's a rare day that he doesn't. Not that it wasn't needed, Vander was a man of huge girth everywhere-

A large hand rests on the middle of his back. Slowly it drags to moving down Silco's side, dragging along his ribs before pausing over the top of his heart. Fingers press gently into his sternum like he's trying to mark the spot for later.

And then the hand moves upwards. Silco swallows when the fingers brush over his throat. "Vander?"

The hand tightens.

"Vander!"

The sweat on his back isn't sweating anymore he realizes, water. It's soaked clothes pressing into his skin. There's pain, horrible pain across his face.

When he turns to look back at Vander, the man is crying while grinning at him. Every tooth is sharp, growing shiny from a mixture of drool and tears. His voice is a low tone, barely more than a whisper and when he speaks, water floods out. "Let it in."

The water's in his eyes, in his lungs, and Vander's hand is still on his throat. Plunging him down, further and further until there's no light anymore shining through the water. Only Vander's sharp teeth.

Silco wakes.

His breathing is normal, if heavy, his chest heaving from it. He blinks once, twice, gaze moving to focus on the ceiling. Counting down from one hundred, until his heart settles.

(Thirty-Seven. That's how long it takes.)

Once he is sufficiently calm, he raises a hand to view his fingers. Long, clean, bruised. He moves to touch the left side of his face, to find it covered in cloth.

His fingers curl against the bandages, and he can feel the sting in his good eye. Unable to sleep, he turns out of his bed and sets to work on crafting a plan to raise funds.

When the wound was still fresh, Silco had once thought everything could be mended. That everything could be easily swept away, he would even apologize to Vander if it meant having him again. If it meant he would feel safe again.

But now, sitting at his desk, with the memory of the hands around his throat Silco knows it isn't possible. That there would be some violence necessary to change things, even his former lover.

Vander would see it, even if it took time. Silco was almost looking forward to that aspect, of re-teaching the large man. His own slender fingers wrapped around that thick neck.

He would show Vander his teeth too.

[space-blue]

Your post about Jinx being more so the abusive one got me thinking, and I would like to add a point.

Episode 5, when Silco takes her to the river for a heart to heart.

She rolls her eyes at what he’s saying, throws a small fit and mocks Silco for his past. “*sigh* you told me a million times” “He was like a brother to you, and he turned his back, and blah blah blah” I get that she’s “tired” of him repeating his own story to her, but she’s acting like a complete hypocrite right here.

He’s literally trying to help her and connect with her, reminding her of his own trauma and that she’s not alone in hers, yet she’s mocking him for what he went through as if she’s not obsessive of her own trauma. Like geez Jinx- you’re literally haunted by your past every day, and you’re making fun of Silco for going through the same thing? It’s just sad that she’s shrugging his own problems off like that.

I get that they’re trying again to show that she’s just an angsty teen or whatever, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior.

Anyway despite what I said I still like Jinx btw XD I hope what I said makes sense, I’m not very good at explaining things.

Damn, you actually have me thinking about it, because I fully blocked that scene out. Didn't even include it in my selective rewatch as I was doing my big post. Completely skipped it.

And in the end, funnily enough I think it's precisely because I wrote it off as Jinx not only being a teenager shithead, but also someone who's awkward around feelings. Which is also a very teen thing.

I mean, your dad trying to talk emotions in a moment where neither of you are drunk or mentally distressed? EW!

But then the instant he changes tack and adds something new, she seems really compelled. The whole baptism also appears to work, as she pins the bunny to her wall and starts making fishbones in earnest, working happily.

So yeah, I do get your point, she's callous. But Silco laughs it off, and she grows quiet as he goes on talking, so IDK, it really felt like a teenager bored of her dad there for a moment.

Maybe it helps to put things in perspective : they're in the middle of the water, at night, while she's in her skimpy clothes... He most likely didn't explain why they were going there, so I can picture her badgering him to try and understand on the way, her eyes popping out of her head as he started walking into the water all dressed.

I bet she had a moment of "omg don't tell me you made me wade in the toxic waters just to tell me this old story again?" or "We really could have done this back home!!"

In a way, the fact she feels free to roll her eyes and be flippant is just another sign that she feels safe with him, able to "rebel" and be a bit of a shithead. I thought that was very cute — until the post Vi "visit."

TBH I feel like we were really robbed of a scene in which Jinx doesn't hurt him for lying, but for trying to kill Vi. She never acknowledges that or seems to know Silco had tried. I feel like that would have justified her actions a whole lot more than just "you lied to me".

Oof, I'll not get started with what ifs, I have enough WiPs as it is!!

But yeah, I get your point, it's just another way she's the more mean of the two, but I can buy that it's teenagehood talking. She has to have been a terrible handful during her teen years, and it's actually quite shocking that Silco didn't have to do this baptism thing sooner.