#one day ill go to therapy again. and probably get on anxiety meds. but itll take a lil while
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microdosing on self love by making myself strawberry shortcake and buying myself drinks i like and putting my favorite soup into smaller containers so i can eat it without being stressed abt it spoiling
#avpswjy#been pondering many things the past few weeks and its been rough but im working on it#i think part of it is bc my birthday is this thursday and i always get a lil introspective around then#also bc i have that seasonal anxiety in the summer. but anyway#im really coming face to face with how i dont know how to exist if i am not loved#or not loved enough or in the right ways#or dont know that im loved 100% of the time#and like. ive known im like this for a while but im starting to realize how huge of an issue it is for me and its not good!!#i want to do stuff without looking to others for approval first#i want to enjoy things that other ppl think is cringe#i want to love people without demanding the same amount of love in return#i want to just like. exist#and thats very hard for me! and its something ive been working on for a while but its Rough#like this has been a thing my entire fucking life idk how to unlearn it now lmao#but i have to try#its kind of shitty having all your sense of existence tied to other people and im sick of it#its gotten better. but i want it to be a much smaller part of who i am#one day ill go to therapy again. and probably get on anxiety meds. but itll take a lil while#aaaannyway im okay just going thru kind of a sad time as i process a lot of stuff#mostly veeery old feelings and experiences that i never acknowledged were like. bad.#but thats part of living babey#it all boils down to self love tbh which is a very difficult thing for me but something i can still learn#enough sadposting on main. time to play video game
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