#one ended up being jbswm

[rainbowcarousels]

currents

tagged by: @desertfangs & @birdblacksocialclub

current time: 4:51 pm

current mood: sleepy and uncordinated, what a week!

current activity: drinking tea and watching doctor who.

currently thinking about: the seemingly universal issue of giving something a higher fx budget seeming to correlate to losing a sense of whimsy and character based writing and whether I'm in a spicy writing mood or something else.

current favorite song: Boy on a String - Jars of Clay (it's been stuck in my head since I got a Nicki/Lestat/Armand prompt and the lyrics do suit them very well)

currently reading: Damn all at the minute.

currently watching: Doctor Who (second season of the revival), but I've been considering rewatching Fringe. It's been a few years and I look forward to getting Jenova project feels with Walternate.

current favorite character: I have a carousel, but Genesis has been getting some love this week.

current WIPs: This is going to call me out, there's a couple in there that isn't working for me so I'm not sure I'll finish them or the characters voices are hard at the moment but the ones I'm rotating right now are:

vc

Here Beneath My Lungs chapter 2 (Lestat in the City)

Nicki/Lestat/Armand prompt for @hekateinhell

The continuation of the Nicki Lives stuff (Armand coming into the chapel and dealing with Marius and Louis and Gabrielle is HEAVY this might take a while)

Daniel faking his own death (honestly this might turn into a Daniel centric story exploring my own headcanons about his mortal life so we'll see on this one)

The Armand Bed Pile (kink edition) for VC Kink Week

ff7

I'm in a mood for you (for running away) chapter 5 (this one is going to be a little experimental because I've been playing with different POVs and I think I might try to do this from Genesis' mothers and that is making me a bit nervous with it)

A Day At the Beach: SOLDIER edition (the memory Sephiroth references of the three of them basically playing hooky on the beach which was beautifully illustrated here by @birdblacksocialclub)

Tagging: @uncivilcivilservice @ryal-is-reading I'm not sure who else hasn't but if you want to, please do!

[rainbowcarousels]

5 and 11 for the writer ask thing 😊

What's something you've researched but haven't incorporated into your fic?

I do a lot of spicy research so I know what I think peoples kinks and fetishes are so I can use them as and when without needing to research it at the time. However, I usually end up using aspects of it so I'm not sure it counts. What would be new for Armand in the Devil's Minion era is probably the most recent one? Like finding out that he probably has no idea first hand how tomatoes taste was a wild ride.

For FF7, I did a ridiculous amount of research on bird wings (because for those unitiated, the chaotic redhead over there literally HAS a black wing rather than Marius being a dramatic lil shit about it) but I'm neurodivergent. The amount of times I have fallen down a rabbit-hole of research could result in a ridiculous amount of fic.

Is there anything important in your fic you think readers have missed/overlooked?

I know this is probably VC focussed but man there is one thing in JBSWM that no one has ever noticed and that is that my mega chapter for Halloween has a countdown to meeting Jenova. It counts from ten down to one across the 25k or so words of it and it's subtle, but I thought it would be a fun thing to put in there.

In VC, I think it's that Daniel only ever mentions one social media (instagram) and there is a reason for this. This is because I knew I wanted Louis at some point to introduce him to facebook and have them both find it really funny that Louis knows more than he does about something modern, though how modern FB is, that's debatable. I just think Louis probably posts like a plant mum and joins goodreads groups, so it's his social media of choice. Another part of it is that the books exist in universe and I don't know what Daniel would make of twitter opinions or tiktoks about the important people in his life, though I do feel like since Tumblr is so down with monster fuckers, he would be right at home here. The important part being that in the stars verse, at least where we are, he hasn't read Blood & Gold yet and in the words of River Song, spoilers!

[rainbowcarousels]

I was asked about Genesis's relationship with LOVELESS on the latest JBSWM chapter and it got a bit long, so I'm shoving it here too.

For the canon of LOVELESS, it is an ancient epic poem. Whether it's Cetran ancient or not, I have no idea but given the Cetran tablet describing beasts ending the world, it's totally possible and there's all this lore to do with it so it could be seen as prophetic in the same way the Omega/Chaos tablet was. The fifth act is missing, but there is also some evidence that LOVELESS is a reference to an earlier lost text so it has this big mythical status, it's a cultural phenomenon and even Cid can quote from it.

The loose story is that three friends make an oath together to go in search of the 'gift of the goddess' which what that is remains subject to debate (even in game, it's said Genesis believes it's salvation but there are others who believe it's all consuming destruction). War separates them and one is taken prisoner, another wanders the land and another becomes a hero. The prisoner escapes, but is saved by a woman from the other side of the. They live happily until he realises he has to keep his oath to his friends and when the world is at the edge of destruction, he leaves the woman he loves to find his friends and keep his word. Most of the plays, books, etc focus on a part of that story or a point of view in that story.

So you have baby Genesis who comes from a small village he's not supposed to leave with distant foster parents and maybe a couple of kids. He's bored, he's lonely and he's smart so when he comes across the book in his foster fathers things, he falls in love with it. He falls in love with the idea of being special and having a grand destiny.

Enter Genesis discovering Minerva. There seems to be patron deities in summons in FF7, such as Leviathan for Wutai. The caves underneath Banora have images and statues of Minerva, an incredibly powerful 'summon' depicted with a flurry of wings. Whether she is a summon or not is up for debate because even Shinra can't figure it out, but summon is the closest thing they can call her. She doesn't seem to come from materia, but from the lifestream itself and is sentient enough to read Genesis's mind when she appears to him in CC.

This, coupled with the lifestream that runs under Banora and that Emerald Weapon is in stasis in the same caves, lead me to believe the caves are a former temple to Minerva and she was/is what people of the region believe in if they believe in a deity. Genesis discovers these caves as a small boy (at seven in JBSWM, but it is canon he finds them as a child) and even if most people view LOVELESS as a story, attributing the words to Minerva gave it weight and meaning to him. Genesis has such a strong connection to magic, summons and materia that it's not hugely surprising Minerva becomes wrapped up in his idea of destiny and identity. It may well have been a past religion of some kind, but for him, it's part of how he see's himself and why it's so important to him.

So to Genesis, Minerva is the Goddess. Then the story itself then takes on a scripture feeling more so than a literary one. His beliefs in there being a Goddess, a grand destiny and wanting to be a part of that are all intertwined. It's comforting for him when he feels isolated, questions his worth or is scared to return to those words as a source of comfort and reassurance in a similar way to prayer.

[rainbowcarousels]

Seven Days of Valentines has been momentarily paused because @birdblacksocialclub asked for this deleted scene from the last JBSWM chapter which was supposed to switch to Angeal’s POV but ended up remaining in Zack’s and thus, hit my cutting room floor.

All I have to say is Angeal is peak Road Trip Dad energy.

Angeal was nursing a headache. Two headaches, both squeezed into the backseat and making him wish he'd thought to pack some ear plugs. Not that he'd be able to use them, Cloud's childhood friend Tifa was in the front of the car with him to show him the way through a route they didn't drive themselves through but he could dream of being able to block out the sniping in the back seat.

Part of the problem was that Genesis was stuck in the middle seat, a position he enjoyed only when there was sex or sleep involved and after the first day of travel, he was considering strapping him to the rooftop rack just to get everyone to call down. If Genesis wasn't complaining about getting a mouthful of Sephiroth's hair, then he was complaining about Zack's constant movement. Even when Zack managed to drift off, it was interrupted because every time Genesis tried to move, his shoulder armour screeching along Sephiroth's like nails down a blackboard and wake him up.

“Take your coat off!” Sephiroth told him, after the second time the screech woke a very nauseated Cloud up after he had settled for some rest against Sephiroth's chest.

“You take your coat off!” Genesis hissed back at him.

“I'm shirtless under it,” Sephiroth pointed out. “You are not.”

“I just need to find the right position,” Genesis griped. “Which I can't do against your bony elbows!”

“There isn't space,” Sephiroth used said elbows with ruthless efficiency. “Move up!”

Angeal had half expected Sephiroth to take the coat from him while they stopped for sleep, but apparently, so had Genesis because he slept in it. If it could be called sleep, because the next leg of the journey had two of his partners sleep deprived, irritable and uncooperative.

This time the issue was leg space, as Zack kicked in his sleep so Genesis didn't want his feet by his but there wasn't really room for Genesis to put his feet on Sephiroth's side without the latter getting cramped up and eventually, having to switch Cloud to Zack's knee to massage his calves back to feeling.

Angeal felt most for Tifa, who kept looking back at the venom being spat between them with worried glances. She didn't realise this was almost normal for them, a normal that happened when they hadn't gotten time together to connect in a way they just didn't seem to be able to do with words alone. 

Genesis said too much, Sephiroth said too little but they communicated best through simple affection, being able to curl up together and bluntly, fucking it out. Between the tension which had originally come with Zack to everything with Cloud to the fact they just hadn't been alone much in months, it was becoming increasingly clear their relationship maintenance had fallen by the wayside and they were both too childish to admit. Mostly Genesis, but he had a way of bringing out the pettier sides of Sephiroth when he got under his skin and the lack of proper rest or time together was making everyone else suffer.

Even when they switched places so Angeal could go in the back – much more uncomfortable due to his stature – they argued about the best roads to take, where the usual monster population was, best places for camps Genesis had switched fully into his brat mindset because he started making faces, flipping Sephiroth off and generally mocking him in the car mirror which was distracting and dangerous. Angeal tried his usual trick to get him to settle down a little by wrapping his arm around him and pressing his mouth into Genesis's hair, but he could feel the tension in him like a weapon ready and loaded to do some damage. 

Hadn't they had enough of feeling like they were born only to be Shinra's pet weapons this week without all this?

By the time Genesis almost elbowed Sephiroth in the nose for attempting to pull him onto his lap and let Cloud sit by himself, Angeal was tired, fed up with their behaviour and still emotionally raw from everything that had happened this week. He announced it was time for a break, even if they hadn't planned on stopping yet and with the help of Tifa and Zack, managed to get a fire going because maybe warm food would help matters. Cloud mostly lay flat on the ground, even if he offered to help.

The meal looked promising until Genesis began going over LOVELESS, which while irritating, it showed he was at least trying to self soothe. Sephiroth had to be on his third night without rest and his mood had deteriorated to the point that he snapped at him that he couldn't listen to LOVELESS again and telling Genesis to read it in his head, not aloud. Genesis had puffed up in irritation and began reading it more loudly.

“That's enough!” Angeal roared, putting down his MRE to address them both. At least it got their attention. “Do you two need a minute?”

“It's fine,” Sephiroth said.

“No, it's not.” Angeal indicated them both with his fork. “This is what always happens with you two when you haven't done any relationship maintenance. When was the last time you two paid any one-on-one attention to each other?”

“We've been a little busy,” Genesis replied snippily.

“I'm not the one being ridiculously stubborn,” Sephiroth said.

“No, you're just ridiculous,” Genesis replied. “With everything!”

“Will the two of you just go fuck it out so you stop driving us all crazy?” Angeal snapped, because sometimes, blunt and coarse was the only way to go even if Zack was doing his little embarrassed laugh and that meant he had probably been a little sharper than he had meant to be. “There's trees back there if you need the privacy, but it's not usually a problem for you.”

“In the woods?!” Genesis looked aghast at the idea, which was utterly stupid. Dark corners in clubs they managed to drag Sephiroth out to after a 'make under', command tents, even Lazard's desk at the Christmas party – they usually weren't that fussy. “Like animals? What do you take me for?”

“We have company,” Sephiroth replied.

True, Tifa had her eyes trained on her MRE and had gone very still while he could still see the tint of redness of Cloud's ears from there, even if he was facing Zack instead. However, drastic times meant drastic measures.

“One of you is going to lose your temper and the car is either going to end up cut into parts or set on fire,” Angeal told them. “I'm sick of apologising for your appalling behaviour. Fight it out, fuck it out, whatever you need to do.”

“You swore,” Genesis said, with all the same conviction as he had if Angeal swore when they were ten. “Twice.”

“I'll swear a lot more if you don't get it together,” Angeal pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose.

At least it made them knock it off long enough for everyone to eat and rest for an hour. 

It didn't escape his notice that when they returned from going ahead to clear any monsters in their direct path, one of Sephiroth's chest straps had clearly been torn, Genesis had a telltale red blotch on his neck and they were both obviously flushed. Thank the Gods for that.  Angeal gave them what he hoped was a knowing look as he helped get everything back in the car to the glorious sounds of scattered, quiet chatter. Sephiroth had removed his pauldrons or more likely, had them removed and just hadn't put them back on which solved one problem.

“Nice hickey,” Zack told Genesis, elbowing him in the side as Sephiroth situated himself in the car.

Genesis responded by throwing his coat over Zack's face and getting back into the middle seat. When Zack climbed in and stuffed his coat over to him in a way that was begging for him to start screeching about creases, Genesis was surprisingly quiet. Even when Sephiroth pulled him closer so Cloud could some more room, he didn't object. He simply pulled his coat over his bottom half and then pulled up to his chin with the smug expression of a cat that had gotten into the cream.

Idiots, both of them, but it was hard not to feel accomplished when he was right and they found their rhythm and relaxed.

Cloud clambered over Zack and shut the door behind him, squeezing himself into the corner at the passenger door and letting his knees drape over Zack's knees. Finally, everyone was behaving like the adults they were meant to be and they could get a move on.

“Feeling better?” Angeal asked Genesis, who made a telltale shape through his coat that said he was flipping him off.

Sephiroth said nothing, but Cloud remarked on how far down his skin went pink when he blushed so they were probably going to be all right at least long enough for them to reach Nibelheim.  

[rainbowcarousels]

hope you feel better, take it easy and just thought of a funny fluffy idea. cloud is just so short, when was the first time each one of them had the realization? like all of them are generally tall so it's normal for them others being shorter right? but like cloud is short on average not just compare to them

I could so easily cry in my three-inches-short-than-Cloud despair here, but instead, I bring you this. Since we see everyone but Zack and maybe Angeal have that realisation in JBSWM’s main text, I picked a moment for each where the realisation was important. Hopefully this still fits the bill!

“Okay, I see what you're doing,” Zack said. Feedback was going to be helpful if he could pinpoint what was going okay and what wasn't. It was their third time in the training rooms and every time Zack put himself into a position to strike, Cloud would move himself out of reach by pacing back or to the side. “But you can't always dodge your way out of a fight. Sometimes, you just gotta get in there and fight.”

“Quit being so slow then,” Cloud shrugged.

Oh, how much a couple of months changed things because he wasn't even a little bit of a mumbly mess around him now. It was just easier to telegraph what he was doing if he went slowly and Cloud wasn't enhanced. He didn't want to hurt him!

“Okay, try to block me,” Zack lunged low and made a pleased noise when Cloud did in fact block him with the sword forced onto the ground. “Let's try that again!”

This time, he aimed high and was surprised to find himself spinning around in a circle in place. Confused, he looked at Cloud who stared blankly at him.

“I said not to dodge,” Zack reminded him.

“I didn't,” Cloud said. “I barely moved and you missed.”

“No way!” It was harder to get an accurate pinpoint of movements because his hair did give the appearance his head was further up, but he wasn't that bad. Right? “Really?”

“You got some of my hair,” Cloud pointed to the ground, where yep, there was some strands of blonde hair. “Remind me never to come to you for a haircut.”

“Just stand your ground so I can get a better idea of your defense, okay?” Zack said.

“Sure,” Cloud said. “I just didn't realise you wanted me to go easy on you.”

That led to all thoughts of defensive work being abandoned in favour of getting him into a headlock he wouldn't let him out of till he said he was the greatest or it was time for dinner. Whichever came first!

---

“What are you doing?” Genesis asked, as if he couldn't guess from the current angle that Cloud had pulled himself up onto his knees on the kitchen counter.

Cloud must not have realised he was coming, because he almost immediately lost balance and Genesis could thank his excellent reflexes for the fact he managed to catch him moments later. Cloud looked at him owlishly, then to his arms currently supporting him more on his ass than his legs, then back at him.

“Cloud?” Genesis prompted, more out of worry that he was still having processing difficulties than discomfort from the position. Not unexpected at this early stage, but having had no one he cared for severely incapacitated by the SOLDIER process or maintenance, it was easy to get caught up in a flurry of worry of for him. Besides which, he really was frightfully small and weighed nothing. Hopefully this was normal for him and not a glaring sign of decreasing resources.

“I'm okay,” Cloud said, shaking his hair out of his face with abundant fury.

“What were you doing?” Genesis looked up to see a precariously placed plate. “Did you do the dishes?”

“You won't let me contribute in any other way,” Cloud said. “I was trying to help.”

“Because you're recovering which is a full time occupation,” Genesis chided lightly. “I would have done them when I returned.”

Cloud gave him a look he usually saw on Angeal, which was both surreal and a little funny. “You would have done the dishes.”

Had they really reached the point he noticed that? “Eventually,” Genesis amended. “Those cupboards were not made for someone of your stature. If you insist on doing them, I can put them away.”

“Are you calling me short again?” It shouldn't have been so endearing to see him huff and puff in his arms like that, but it was.

“I believe we settled on travel sized,” Genesis corrected, moving reluctantly to get him back on his feet. “Let's take a trip back to resting before you fall and crack your head open. Blood would be murder to get out of this carpet.”

--

Cloud's feet didn't even reach the end of the sofa.

While Angeal had suspected they might not as he had sat with him on his lap while Genesis helped Zack make up a bed on his couch, it was still startling to see it. It made him seem small and vulnerable, so Angeal did as best he could to get him into a comfortable position and put the blankets over him. At least when his awareness returned – which it had at this point given the upset that would happen if he did not – he would be cosy and comfortable.

Someone would have to retrieve either his clothes. Genesis had made noises about simply buying some more but there was something that felt safe about wearing something that was your own. Or someone you loved, as evidenced by the fact half of his clothes seemed to be co-oped by his partners in what was more likely a fiendish scheme to make him do their laundry.

All they could do now was wait.

---

Sephiroth was caught. Given the still early nature of their relationship, he was unsure of what the etiquette regarding Cloud having fallen asleep when he didn't want to was. With Genesis, it wasn't a good idea to wake him because he became 'stabby' without enough sleep so it was always helpful to let him get some if he needs it but Angeal liked to be woken provided he wasn't in bed in case he positioned himself badly.

Cloud was technically in bed, but he had said he didn't want to sleep. But he also needed sleep and didn't seem to be having any intense sort of nightmare. He was a deep enough sleep that Sephiroth had reached over to remove Zack's PHS from his hands and not only had his grip been slack, but he curled into Sephiroth's  side and pushed his head close into his chest so much that Sephiroth could feel his eyelashes moving against his skin.

It was oddly pleasant.

Perhaps this is what felt safe during sleep for Cloud. It had taken him a while but he could also admit to feeling at his most safe when Genesis, Angeal and even Zack were so close he didn't even have to open his eyes to know they were there. If Cloud liked it, perhaps it would help keep nightmares at bay. Sephiroth pulled himself closer, letting his chin rest on the tips of blonde spices.

When Angeal had come in later and compared him to using Cloud as a teddy bear – a soothing device for children to simulate affection so their caregiver could do other things – he could hardly deny it. Being able to wrap himself so completely around his small form had felt good, warm and safe for him too. That even tired and emotionally wrung out, he could still protect him and keep him until he awoke.

Sephiroth hoped that he wouldn’t awaken too soon.

[rainbowcarousels]

You can blame @aimeelouart for asking about my keeping track of how each relationship between AGSZC progresses for the fact this meta now exists. It was somewhat hastily written in the back of my maths textbook so please excuse the lack of polish and put it down to the fact I couldn’t take another 2 hours of algebra.

Fives Company, not a Crowd

Relationships with Love

(or how AGSZC functions in the JBSWM universe*)

Cloud

Love is something that is given without expectation of return. This is applicable both platonically and romantically, he's willing to put everything on the line for the people he loves but he doesn't really expect them to do the same for him. Some of that comes from the fallout from his and Tifa's trip up the mountains and the subsequent responsibility placed on him for that but other parts stem from wanting to feel included but not being able to put himself out there so it's a lot easier to  be prickly and pretend you don't care when in reality, I think Cloud loves incredibly deeply and it's why he's easily hurt by it no matter how strong a front he puts up. At eighteen, he's still trying to find a balance between keeping everyone at bay so he doesn't get hurt and letting himself figure things out and take those risks. There's a fun parallel to Sephiroth there in that neither cut themselves any slack for mistakes so it's hard to get out there when you might make one when making a mistake – especially in his first real adult relationship –  feels like the end of the world. His only really obvious love up till that point is his mother and I do think he misses her a lot, but is also deathly afraid of letting her down and that weighs on their relationship.

The rest under the cut!

Zack

Loves to love (and he loves to dance, kudos to anyone who got that reference). The walking embodiment of a carebear, loves quickly, easily and casually. The more affection and love you throw at him, you'll get it back tenfold. The trick with Zack is that he lives his life with his heart so open that he has a natural connection with most people but it does make it more difficult to spot the differences between puppy love and intense, romantic love. This is one of the reasons he and Gen clash so much, Gen is 10000% passion and intensity and Zack always seems casual even when he's not. Ultimately, Zack is only 20 and still has a lot of trouble balancing his life between love, friendship and work. Since he's a social creature by nature compared with Cloud's more introverted nature, he's pretty decent at reading people and what they're feeling and absolutely wants to listen to them and hear about what they're feeling instead of having to guess. Compared with any of the other four really, he grew up with a strong sense of his social community and it helped instil a lot of compassion and resilience in his ability to love.

Sephiroth

Big yikes on this front. A walking talking advertisement for dysfunctional attachment and it would not surprise me in the least if he has some kind of attachment disorder as a leftover from a childhood which has probably left it's fair share of emotional scars. If I consult my Master timeline (and my attempts to make sense of Gast's timeline since he appears to have left Shinra on a fact finding mission around the time Sephiroth was born and left again for real this time two years before Aerith was born taking Ifalna with him), his first experiences of emotional connection are Hojo (yikes), Gast (who must come back sporadically from his fact finding between 1979 and 1983 so even before he dies when Sephiroth is four it's probably difficult to pinpoint as a positive attachment), Ifalna (here is where I get a little creative with canon but I do quite like the idea that if she did end up at Shinra before Gast left that he would have wanted to be like LOOK AN ANCIENT BABY and have her be like um no no that is not but also he was probably a toddler at the time and has no real strong recollection of her) and then SOLDIER. We know he served with adult SOLDIERs so I really doubt he connected in any strong way with them having had an extremely sheltered upbringing and oh yeah HE'S TWELVE. Man this one needs splitting up because it's Sephiroth.

So Enter Gen & Angeal when he's around 13, maybe closer to 14. What we know from Zack!Cloud and see from some of Zack's memories in CC, Sephiroth is not cruel but he is a hell a taskmaster and I think there's two big reasons why I put his connection with Angeal first. One, Angeal is a hard worker, he tries to do as much as he can and get himself out there and Sephiroth can respect that.Genesis on the other hand is talented, which...means he actually has to work hard at the things that don't come naturally to him for the first time and since he had the hero worship thing going on and Sephiroth was not social, they did not get along easily until they had a better understanding of each other. This is the same understanding that Gen gradually loses through degradation in canon, whereas Angeal and Sephiroth remain close-ish. Two, Angeal doesn't take anything personally and remains at a respectful distance, even when trying to connect. Sephiroth for his part was perplexed by his continual attention and has no idea what to make of it. It's only when Angeal is still doing it a few months down the line, when Gen has calmed down a little from his perceived slight, that they're able to forge stronger connections and I think there's a tandem effect with those two where Angeal is emotionally open and unobtrusive and Gen is not about to talk about anything emotional but he's physically affectionate. Most importantly of all, they aren't afraid of him, even the parts that a lot of other SOLDIERs may find disturbing, Angeal wants to just check in on and Genesis is mostly thinking 'meh, I could do that'. So ultimately, what would end up being his relationship with love is largely impacted by people who keep him at a distance or leave for a long time and then it's like a bus, you wait for one friend and two come along at once.

So then we have his concept of love being defined largely by friendship because his concept of it is so heavily defined by two people who were friends with each other and him first. The potential problem being that his world gets very wrapped up in only two people and as such, he's obsessive and possessive of them because it's all he has. Then Zack comes along and he's hyper affectionate, social, loving basically in a way he hasn't really had thrown at him and he doesn't fully know what to do with. To a degree, Cloud is easier – he's independent, prickly and does not get on with people which for him is relatable. Zack comes in like nothing he's ever experienced and the way he loves is so different that it's left him trying to figure out how he feels about this new kind of love coming into his life.

Angeal

Hands down a nurturer. It's all about putting his time and energy and heart into a relationship and letting whatever kind of love blooms happen naturally. While I don't think he forms connections easily, he tries to keep himself open and supportive of people around him and that lends itself to connecting with people. I do think he had a strong, loving role model in his parents (well, mother and stepfather, fuck you Hollander) and he had good relationships with them so he has some model by which to judge what love looks like. I also think canonly this is the thing he never really gets over losing, his mother and his connection to his parents.

I think Genesis has always been his great love story. They were, when they were a couple, one that would tell the story of how they met bit by bit until Angeal let Genesis take over telling it because he knows Gen never ever stops talking. I think it's one of the reasons they work well together – Angeal has the calm, quiet and cosy sort of love compared with Genesis who is passion and intensity 24/7. They balance each other out because Angeal does also try to push at his partners to behave, he will be passive aggressive or take small measures to try and correct things (a good example in 7s9s is that he will lock the liquor up knowing Genesis can break it but it's the fact he at least tried to get him to behave that helps him sleep at night) but ultimately, he is more passive as a person. When it was just the trio, Sephiroth added to some of the calm from Angeal but also more than matches Gen for obsessiveness. As things progress, Zack's casual nature adds to the calm but his excitement adds to the intensity and Cloud's introversion adds to the quiet but he's also a mouthy little shit.

One of the major things Angeal brings to the table is that his default setting is to care, same as Zack and that everyone at this table needs taking care of in some way. Cloud is obvious, he's struggling the most but he also feels that way with Zack because he can't completely separate the mentor-ship role even he tries to respect Zack as a First Class in his own right, Sephiroth has so few connections that being able to read him and react in a way as needed is extremely valuable and Genesis is just extremely responsive to the first instance of a seemingly unconditional love in his life and even if he would hate to admit it, loves that Angeal tries to take care of him. I think he's happiest when he can express how he feels to each person in turn in their own language and watch them respond.

Genesis

I think with Genesis there's a very large difference between his relationship with love and his relationship with romance. Romance is easy, he can be lyrical and affectionate and flirtatious at the drop of a hat but the emotion behind it being love is tricky at best. For some reason, I've always viewed him as someone who was a very clingy kid, who wanted parental attention constantly, was constantly seeking reassurance and often didn't get it. We know that Gen at that point was confined to Banora so I do think his parents would leave a decent amount when he was young and it's one of the reasons he latches on so hard when he meets Angeal. Angeal is not only present all the time but wants his attention and doesn't seem to mind that he chatters on and on. It's probably something to do with the idea if he keeps talking, he'll stay longer or trying to just fill silence because I think quiet disturbs him on some level because he's actually terrified of loneliness.

As he's gotten older and he turned out to be good at a few things, he got some of the loving responses he'd wanted but I also think as much as this reinforced the idea love is earned and you have to pay for it, a part of him from Angeal, from seeing his parents relationship with him covetously, knows that love can be unconditional but fears it's not so for him and probably spent a great deal of their early romantic relationship waiting for Angeal to realise and leave.

It's why his relationship with Sephiroth when they make the decision to expand the relationship to include him is initially categorised as casual, he can walk away any time and so can they, it's super casual, okay? Except I don't really think it was, it was just an out and then with Zack, he has no out. Zack is happening and it's love or bust. There's no out and then Zack does not seem that into making an effort and he is Not Happy about that. If you then contrast that to Cloud, who is incredibly responsive to his attentions but without demanding it. There's a lot of control on his end when it comes to his relationship with Cloud so it felt a lot less high stakes. Then Hojo happened and all of that went out the window because it was obvious how deep in he was at that point, he was willing to try and comfort Zack and keep him out of trouble, he was willing to care for Cloud in a way that isn't totally to his nature (if Angeal is the gardener, he's a very finicky plant – needs much attention and the right amount of everything to grow properly and will pretend to be dying if you miss a day) and show concern where he would usually rather jump off the plate headfirst than show emotions that vulnerable.

*This is your standard disclaimer that this only applies to how I see them in this verse, it's not applicable elsewhere but I might use examples from elsewhere to back up the point.

[rainbowcarousels]

College just called to say there will be no exam this year but that the awarding body hasn't yet revealed what students will be marked on. However we will have to do 22 weeks of retroactive coursework in case this is what it's graded on. We had been told not to bother doing coursework because the government said exams were definitely going ahead.

As for what this means for my free time, it'll probably mean JBSWM will end up being closer to 10 day/2 week intervals instead of one week because I'll need to find an extra 10 hours a week to do extra coursework. Higher learning in a pandemic is wild.