#ooooof i made myself big sads

[theuntamednarrator]

#3 for Story! (MDZS getting to know u asks)

questions from here

Bring back Jin Zixuan. Kill Jiang Cheng.

You can bring one character back to life, but you must pick someone else to die in their place. Would you do it? How would this effect the story?

Okay so I already brought back Cangse Sanren for a happy ending let's try for something a little more devastating. I am in the mood to hurt myself emotionally. Sorry friend, I don’t know if this is what you wanted.

JZX rushes off as per canon but this time JYL with her canon my-WWX-spidey-senses-tingling grabs JC's arm and asks him to go with her husband because she has a bad feeling

JZX is waiting with JC and JYL for WWX's arrival at JinLinTai, which is where JGY finds them after ugly cousin takes off with the Lan  and Jin disciples

JZX and JC arrive at Qiongqi Path just as UC and WWX are about to come blows

This time, when WN moves to strike, JC is close enough to act

He throws himself in front of the blow meant for JZX

JC gets JZX’s final words “a-jie is, is still, waiting for you”

JZX catches him as he collapses and it’s the Nightless City JLY-dying scene except with JZX as JC and JC as JYL. Also JZX doesn’t push WWX

◇◇◇

First way it goes is that the rest of the plot goes pretty much as it did in canon except JC is not at Nightless City so LWJ has nobody but himself to hate if WWX still goes over the cliff which he absolutely does if JYL somehow still manages to make it to Nightless City and dies

JGY still needs to find a way to kill off JZX so probably makes sure that happens at Nightless City as well (unless JZX has to stay alive in this hypothetical, in which case JGY probably pulls a post-canon LWJ where his older brother is SL but in such deep mourning that he takes over as acting Sect Leader and Chief Cultivator)

Jin Ling is raised entirely by the Jin and is therefore 50% more diplomatic and 90% more miserable

Without JC and with Lotus Pier still recovering it’s laughably easy for JGS and JGY to absorb Yunmeng Jiang into Lanling Jin’s territories

Their next sect leader is the closest thing to an heir that Lotus Pier has afterall!

There’s a lot more territory to go around and JGY could frankly use the help so MXY is treated very well and never feels the need to reenact the Yiling Patriarch to exact revenge

Possibly JGY marries MXY to a Jiang/Meishan Yu/Baling disciple and sends his brother to Lotus Pier as his proxy

NHS’s alternative revenge plot is betrayed, he is either executed or exiled and JGY seizes Qinghe Nie as compensation for their sect leader's treachery

LWJ stumbles across Yi City and the mess that is XY while going where the chaos is. He rescues a-Qing and XXC

This is a lot harder without the groundwork exposing all of JGY’s crimes and in the end they’re not successful

LWJ confronts LXC with his suspicions about JGY based on some things XY said beforehe died

LXC looks at what’s happening and decides they need to confront JGY

JGY locks LXC up the same way Qingfeng-jun locked up Madam Lan, which LXC agrees to provided JGY promises not to hurt LWJ

LWJ takes LSZ and LJY and flees, meeting up with XXC and a-Qing near Yi City

The five of them retire to Baixue Temple and start the orphanage/cultivation school songxiao dreamed of (SL will join them later)

They watch helplessly from afar while JGY governs the united sects

◇◇◇

Second way it goes is that WWX is so distraught over killing JC that he lashes out like he does against the minor cultivators outside Nightless City

Everyone within a hundred metres is pinned to the ground and slowly suffocating while WWX sobs over JC’s body

WN tries to get him to leave but WWX screams at him to go away “what should I do now? what should I tell my sister?”

WN goes back to Burial Mounds to get WQ in the hopes that she will be able to help

This is not a happy ending

Meanwhile LXC, LWJ, and JGY come looking for their disciples and stumble upon the scene

LWJ and LXC manage to dispel the resentful energy with xiao/guqin and in the process discover SS and the evidence of the hundred holes curse on him

From JZX they hear about how UC was attacking WWX and WWX was defending himself and lost control

Happy ending would be everyone realising that SS and JGY had planned the ambush and confronting him before it escalates

JGY realises this and has to think quickly. He announces that SS must be in league with WWX. He pulls an NHS and yells for LXC to lookout! and LXC stabs SS, who looks very betrayed for three seconds before he dies

WWX allows himself to be restrained but just laughs when they demand a lock on his spiritual power because there’s nothing to lock (he doesn’t have to worry anymore about revealing the core transfer because JC is dead and can’t find out)

Everyone is horrified but ofc JGY is just like “well but what about the stygian tiget amulet? that’s more powerful than a core you should hand it over.”

WWX agrees to give it to LXC. JGY eventually convinces LXC to give it to him to study

JYL collapses in grief when her brothers are brought in, one is chains, the other in a shroud

LWJ goes to the cell where WWX is being held and begs him to let him help but WWX is lost in his grief and tells him to “piss off”

LWJ leaves and goes to the Burial Mounds where he rescues not only a-Yuan but all the other Wen remnants as well. He takes them to Yunmeng since - with all the chaos over JC’s death - no one is likely to notice twenty civilians showing up out of nowhere

While he’s away there’s a trial and the Jin demand that WN and WQ surrender themselves as well. Much as in canon they announce that they’ve killed the three demonic scourges

LWJ loses it and nearly kills JGS, JGY, JZX, and a bunch of other people at the conference

He still gets the lashes and three years seclusion

By the time LWJ emerges from seclusion the Jin have taken over Yunmeng in Jiang Yanli’s name as Young Madam Jin. Granny and Fourth Uncle are worried about discovery so Lan Wangji takes on a-Yuan as a disciple except he’s much older now and the war is long over which means questions. He pulls it off with LXC’s help but it’s a close call

By the time NMJ dies and NHS hatches his revenge plot the Jin are far more powerful than in canon. Jin Guangyao has, by then, managed to bump off UC, JZX, and JGS

JGY has tried using threats against JYL and WQ to make WWX help with their experiments but he refuses

He doesn’t really need much help though since he has the amulet and XY

They probably end up killing WWX and WQ around the time JGY and XY successfully create their first fierce corpse OR they leave them locked up below JinLinTai for a decade and a half

If they live, NHS’s revenge plot basically relies on him and MXY somehow breaking WWX out of the cells while LWJ is around to find him and be pulled into the investigation

If they die, the resurrection and post-resurrection go pretty much as per canon except after the second siege of the Burial Mounds they go to Cloud Recesses not Lotus Pier, since Lotus Pier is occupied territory

This is also not a happy ending but less unhappy than the first one

[drabbles-mc]

hiiiiii. ok so from the original characters ask reblog…kind of a big one but I love ur ocs and I want you to talk about them. hehe.

9. What is one of your character's theme songs?

12. Which OC is most likely to kill somebody

14. Which OC/s do you relate to the most?

15. Which OC/s make you think of yourself the most?

17. Who is your favorite OC?

20. Do any of your OCs have pets? What kind? NAME?

34. What scene that you've written/imagined is your favorite?

thank u and sorry for so many, feel free to pick and choose lmaoooo I have no self control 🤣

Hiiii I love you 💛

9. What is one of your character's theme songs?: I know that for Natalie, I linked I am not a woman, I'm a god by Halsey, and I stand by that one for her haha. But also, for Aanya, the love of my life, her song is Starting Over by Chris Stapleton. Firstly because I think the vibe is very accurate for her in Remind Me, but also because I hc her as a country fan 😌

12. Which character is most likely to kill somebody?: Diedra Lowman. Hands down, no contest. 😂 And not even because she wants to or anything like that. She is just willing to do whatever it takes to protect herself and the people that she loves.

14. Which OC do you relate to the most?: Probably Chris Teller. The internal battles she faces when it comes to her family are something that I feel deep in my core. Being caught between wanting to get out because you know things aren't really going to change, and wanting to stay because the guilt of feeling like you're ditching your family is enough to ruin the joy of any freedom you'd get from leaving? Been there. It sucks and I just want to hold her. Wanting better for people who don't want it for themselves is rough.

15. Which OC makes you think of yourself the most?: Honestly, probably Veronica. She gets her sadness from me tbh 😅 But also, she keeps her head down and is constantly just trying to keep everyone together and make the best out of things for her family even though they don't make it easy for her. The caretaker in her she gets from me, especially when she stretches herself too thin for the sake of everyone around her. Veronica Winston, my beloved.

17. Who is your favorite OC?: Ohhh boy this is a tough one. I love them all. I think I've spent the most time on Chris, so I'd have to say her. The history and stories I've built up for her in my head I have poured my whole heart and soul into and I just adore her so much. Despite her flaws she is everything I wanna be.

20. Do any of your OC's have pets? What kind? Names?: Olivia and Javi have their dog Bosco. In my head I've always pictured him as a shepherd. Audra, who I haven't really formally introduced on this blog yet (but you know all about her lol) for SURE has a therapy dog. Undecided on the name/breed still though haha. Also, Aanya doesn't own any pets, but she definitely leaves food out for the stray cats that live by hers and EZ's house. 🥰

34. What scene that you've written/imagined is your favorite?: OOOOOF this is a tough one. Tbh, I've planned out a big blowout fight between Opie and Chris in one of my stories and writing it really ripped my heart out. It was also the scene that made me think about Chris's backstory with Opie before the timeline of the fic that I was working on. I love when I make myself cry lol

Thank you thank you thank you for these!!! xo

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Thanks for the tag @halfthealphabet ! Fanfic writer questions ...

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

er, 190 apparently. Not really sure how that happened. There are a few more on the way for the AU-gust challenge :)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Not including the episode notes; 491,066

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

It’s actually more than I thought: the total list is 16, though almost all of my fics are for Haven. In fact I got curious enough to work it out; literally 90% of them involve Haven.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Wrong Number (Nuke/Threegulls)

Anticipation (Threegulls)

Tell Me You Meant It (Naudrey/Nuke/Threegulls)

I Love the Sound (Nuke)

I Could Stand To See A Little More (Naudrey/Threegulls)

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely ‘Addicted to the feel of her skin’, by a long shot. 110% angst from start to finish.

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Hmmmmm well … maybe ‘Made of Aether and Held Together with Love’ (an alternative version of Dwight and Duke’s final scene). Or I like the ending to the series that begins with ‘I Could Stand To See A Little More’, and also the ending to ‘Tell Me You Meant It’, aaaannndddd the ending to ‘The Three Of Us’ which I just went to re-read and it actually made me cry because it is kind of emotional but in a happy way :)

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

Yes, I’ve got a few. Not sure about the craziest, maybe The Smuggler and The Big Bad’… Haven and Buffy ... what happens when a vampire drinks Crocker blood full of aether?

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yesssss, mostly M/M or M/M/F, mostly Nuke or Threegulls. Almost all of it is Haven. There’s some fluffy stuff, some angsty stuff, some stuff with restraints and planned out games, some where they just jump each other, some getting-together stuff, some established-relationship stuff, some based closely on canon, some in AU settings pretty far from canon, some non-con stuff, some crossovers. I’m currently working on something involving shibari (even though I know nothing about it, so we’ll see how that goes!) Oh and a couple of things in the works for Lost Girl :)

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes - it’s lovely to get comments, so it just seems like the natural thing to respond.

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No. Mostly due to writing in a small and friendly fandom I think :)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Someone copied and pasted some of my stuff into their fic (without any prior interaction with me). That was a pretty surreal experience reading my exact words in some stranger’s fic. 

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!!! Amazingly yes! Into Russian!!! Still blows my mind that that happened. The original is here (explicit PWP)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not much, a little bit with @greyhavenisback - ‘Proposal’ (fluffy Nuke fluff :)

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Nathan/Duke

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Too many. There's a Buffy/Firefly crossover that I’m kind of sad I stalled on. And a Haven/Firefly crossover that I can’t quite seem to get together, even though I know how I want it to end which is usually a fairly solid sign I’ll finish something. And my current ongoing WIP has potential plot spanning at least 27 years so that … is going to keep me busy for a while lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Well … we’ve established I’ve written a fair amount of smut, so I guess that’s probably on the list. Most of those top-five-by-kudos are pretty smutty ones. And, idk maybe characterisation, dialogue. I think what I’m drawn to most is describing how these characters talk to each other, how they feel about each other, how they react to each other. So sometimes that’s a line of dialogue, sometimes it’s trying to describe the tone of voice or the type of smile or the way one person reaches for another, or the way their breath catches when one of those other things happens. Trying to capture an emotion and pin it down into words on a page. I think that’s a big part of what keeps me writing so hopefully I have some aptitude in it XD I’ve had some really nice comments about specific lines of dialogue being in character :)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Plot. Planning anything out, but specifically any detailed kind of a plot. Like I always have really vague thoughts that it would be cool to do a Haven crossover with something like White Collar or Leverage … but those intricate crimes and cons type of plot lines are really just beyond me.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don’t have the language skills to do that. It’s not something I’ve come across as a reader.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Haven! I never expected to even read any fanfiction, let alone write anything. Then Duke Crocker and Nathan Wuornos buried their way into my head and here we are ;)

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

Ooooof, I’m supposed to pick one?

OK Let’s go with Made of Aether and Held Together with Love (an alternative version of Dwight and Duke’s final scene, in 1770 words) because it tackles the one aspect of canon that I really can not get my head around why the writers did that. Like, I’m not saying everything else is perfect but I can kind of let most things go. And I can understand why they might have wanted to write Duke’s ending the way they did … but in that case, guys, you can’t also give Lizzie the ending you did. It doesn’t make any sense; pick one or the other. And there’s no attempt in the show to explain that contradiction; it just feels like they didn’t think it through, which is frustrating.

And I like how that fic worked out and how I can visualise it happening because it would have been so easy for them to actually film it like that - I can almost convince myself it actually happened on screen ;)

Tagging ... anyone who sees this! I think most people I'd tag already have been, but if you see this and you write stuff, give it a go - always interesting to look back over old stuff :)

[tfw-no-tennis]

animorphssss.....2!

ok one L abt reading the series on my ereader is that the flipbook illustrations arent there ;_; those were my favvvvv

anyways I love animorphs still

I feel like I'll end up repeating myself a lot during these little liveblogs lmao but mannnn it’s so good. its so hardcore. like I know that that’s the whole Thing but I still get shocked by some of the stuff that happens 

like a big theme in the series centers around the morality of killing your enemies - and it’s so all over the place bc in book 6 you have jake boiling a bunch of yeerks alive, which is kinda gnarly if you think abt it, but the alternative would be to leave them there and let them infest people soo...? and that’s basically the point, that there are never any easy choices in war 

also I went on the animorphs wiki to look at trivia bc I love doing that and I cant BELIEVE (some of) the books were reissued in 2011 and they changed/removed some of the references to be more ‘modern’ omfg....talk about erasing 90s culture smh 

likeeee I was born in 97 so I didn't exactly grow up in the 90s and therefore some of the references go over my head but its so charming and fun to have them there! and it makes sense given that the books are SET in the 90s

I don't remember ever being confused by any of the references as a kid (tho for sure a lot of them went over my head), but then again I read the books in like 2008 sooo

also some of the stuff that they change - like changing ‘recorded w/a vcr’ to ‘recorded w/the TV’ or ‘floppy disc’ to ‘flash drive’ may make more sense to modern audiences, but doesn't make sense in the context of the story still being set in the 90s

tho it is funny that the books use the phrase ‘hook up’ to mean ‘meet up’ a lot bc that is a phrase that definitely has a different meaning nowadays

alsooooo as it turns out I'm p sure I only read a couple of the spinoffs - the hork-bajir chronicles and the ellimist chronicles (which was confusing lmao), bc my library didn’t have the others :( 2007/2008 woes....

but now I get to read the spinoffs woooooooo so I read the first megamorphs and the andalite chronicles 

I'm reading them in the chronological order (I think?) which is good bc part of the problem was that I read the ellimist book at a completely weird time and it confused me more lmao

megamorphs 1 basically felt like a regular animorphs book except longer, but the plot didn't feel like it needed all that extra page space tbh? even so it was an entertaining adventure

and rachel having amnesia was great, amnesia is one of my fav tropes lmao. and it was a lot of fun here, though a bit underutilized 

another favorite trope of mine is time travel, so I'm gonna have a really fun time here w/that

as for the andalite chronicles, I really enjoyed that one. I thought it was a well done story about the horrors of war (which is a theme animorphs does excellently), kind of similar to the overarching story of the whole series, but fit into one book without feeling rushed

the way the story starts out with elfangor wanting to be a hero, not understanding what that entails, to the end where he IS going to be a hero, and he knows now that this is a burden rather than a reward 

the horror elements are also really strong, with the taxxon morph being horrifying of course

and mannnn I loved that we got to see more of the taxxons as a species, and see that not all taxxons submitted to the yeerks - which breaks the previous theme of ‘all the taxxons are evil just because’ 

this book also establishes that the taxxons gave themselves over to the yeerks due to their constant hunger being unbearable, so it isn’t just that they’re evil for fun 

animorphs does such an excellent job showing that each ‘side’ of a war will have good and bad (or at least sympathetic and unsympathetic) people 

also loren was awesome, what a cool character. though I didn't realize she was literally like 13 until the very end of the book, holy shit. that's crazy. i thought she was 16 at the youngest....geez. her throwing a rock at visser 3 is even more iconic knowing she's a middle schooler at the time

and chapman was here! I'm assuming this must be the same chapman as the assistant principal controller... I thought it was a little strange to put chapman in that role, bc in this book he was a huge asshole basically the entire time, but in the previous (’future’) book it was revealed that he became a controller willingly only to spare his daughter, which is pretty far from this book where he’s actively trying to sell humanity out to the yeerks...people change I guess? (also he got his memory erased so I guess there's that)

alloran was a really interesting character. horrors of war again - we hear from his old buddy that he used to be a fun, witty guy, but war changed him into somebody who would do horrible things 

and him becoming a controller was horrifying, obviously, but I like that alloran wasn't portrayed as some perfect, holy guy in order to make it all the more tragic when he got infested. its already fucked up enough as it is, and making him flawed was a lot more meaningful 

and him wanting to flush all the yeerks out into space....oooooof the (later) parallels hurt 

plus the fact that elfangor refusing to commit genocide against the helpless yeerks (even though they’re the enemy) directly contributing to alloran becoming a controller.....oof. I love that it shows that even making the morally correct decisions during war can lead to awful things happening, but not in a way that endorses evil actions - the story isn’t saying that elfangor should have killed the yeerks, it’s saying that there are no good choices in war 

arbron being trapped as a taxxon was fucked up. but also really intriguing, especially how he found purpose and led a free taxxon uprising. I don't remember if we hear from him/the free taxxons again but I hope so

also the plot twist of tobias being elfangors SON...bruh. I do remember that despite not having read this book so it must come up in the main story later but my memory of that is vauge so I’m excited to see how that plays out. it’s always gonna be hilarious to me that ax is technically tobias’s uncle 

and then the ellimist drops in and wacks up the time stream even more. classic. I love the crazy time travel stuff in animorphs

omfg and the bits where elfangor is a human tech guy and talked about his friends bill and steve LMAOOOOO

also the scene where elfangor drives the yellow mustang while blasting '(I cant get no) satisfaction’ by the rolling stones was one of the most iconic things I've ever read

basically I loved all the angles of war fucking people up. from loren’s dad, to alloran, to elfangor himself learning about the true horrors of war...v well done imo

ok back to the main series - so my pick for the most fucked up scene SO FAR (in my own personal opinion) - the scene where they're in the jungle and rachel passes out in bear morph and a bunch of rainforest ants start EATING HER ALIVE and like crawling into her ears and mouth and HGGGGGG that was genuinely so fucking disturbing

its a good thing that the time travel made it so rachel couldn't remember that bc that was fuuuuucked

another contender is a scene we don't actually see - erek having his capacity for violence instated and then slaughtering a ton of human and hork-bajir controllers 

like damn, you know its fucked up when its too fucked up for ANIMORPHS to even ‘show.’ this is a series that doesn't pull punches but evidentially that would've been Too Much to actually portray (understandably). also i feel like seeing the aftermath/everyone’s reactions had more of an impact than describing erek killing a bunch of people would have

also I forgot that marco Literally Fucking Dies during that scene and that's why he doesn't get to see the slaughter. wow

and then in the very next book JAKE dies too. jesus

oh it was also so sad and fucked up when marco’s dad told him that he and his wife used to fight sometimes, but then all of a sudden they stopped fighting, and their relationship was basically entirely peaceful and perfect - and this is how marco knows exactly when his mom was made into a controller, bc of course a yeerk wouldn't care enough to get into petty arguments like that....ooooof

Okay and book 15 really got me...that was fucking heavy man. Geeeez. Everything w/Marco and his mom is so fucked uppppp

Like he literally has to deal with so much awful traumatizing shit. The scene where he pretends to be a controller and is face to face w/visser one and THAT HIS MOM but he can’t even do anything, and he just sees the evil in her eyes and thinks about how there’s no way she had been controlled by a yeerk that long before bc he’s never seen her look like that...that was so fucking sad.

Plus Marcos mom now thinking that Marco is a controller...aughh...and then later Marco knows he can’t even think-speak to her bc he’ll just talk about everything he’s wanted to talk about to his mom this whole time... ;_;

And the parts where Marcos humor slips and the utter rage he feels towards the situation comes through...man

Plus everything about him being understandably afraid of sharks after being nearly torn in half by one back during their first dolphin adventure

Augh oh and jake telling Marco that everyone can tell something is up bc Marco isn’t joking around and talking about how insane their plan is like usual, so Marco fakes it sand does all that even tho he’s terrified and conflicted...aughhhh

Ok and the last scene where Marco is thinking about a future where he and his parents can talk plainly about how awful and traumatizing everything is, and then eventually they’ll feel okay enough to joke about it, bc Marcos mom is the one who taught him to look at the funny side of life...Oh The Pain

There were a lot of great fucked up individual lines in this book too. I’m just so sad about these poor middle schoolers jfc

Also I do distinctly remember the scene where they collapse the shark tank at Ocean World or w/e, it was weird af reading it bc I remembered none of the rest of the book but got weird deja vu reading that scene and remembering having read it like 13+ years ago

if it’s not clear by now I have a pretty terrible memory for media which is honestly good bc then I can reread things and it’s like new

Also jake...man...I said it previously but I was kinda eh about jake when I first read these bc he’s kinda the ‘basic’ character, but now I find his story much more interesting

His conflict over being leader is really good. KAA does a fantastic job capturing the pressure he’s under bc he was chosen by his friends to be the leader, so he REALLY can’t back out, and he doesn’t necessarily feel up to it, but feels he has no choice in the matter...

And constantly having to make really difficult decisions that could get his friends killed...geez. It’s so much pressure. And he talks about wanting to go back to being a normal kid when this is all over, and it kinda strikes me as him being in denial - like, there’s no way things can ever be ‘normal’ again, but that’s his way of coping.

Especially with Tom and all that. That conflict is so compelling...jake having to play all these different roles - as leader, as a son/student, as a regular brother to Tom - he’s constantly having to act a certain way and rarely gets to be Himself

It’s actually kinda relatable in a way - that feeling of being In Charge, but in a somewhat abstract and informal way, so you feel like regular old you, but you have to carefully regulate how you act bc the people around you expect a certain standard of behavior from you...

And all the morally grey situations they’re put in are fucked up, but especially for jake who has the final say on what they do, even when knowing it could lead to his friends being killed or made into controllers

Like in the book with the cannibal yeerk guy - there’s basically no good choices there. Jake lets the cannibal live, and (at first) implies that it’s for the best that he’s cannibalizing other yeerks and therefore helping get rid of some yeerks - except that he kills their hosts too

but the alternative would be to directly kill another human being who isn't actively fighting/resisting you, which is a fucked up thing for a middle schooler to have to do 

And the conflict between jake and Cassie is really excellent bc jake has to make these awful decisions, and Cassie is the type of person who can’t stand that sort of thing, so it gets left up to jake a lot, but then she’s upset with jake for doing something awful, even while knowing that there were no better options

like, her asking jake to kill the cannibal guy for her was really fucked up, but also entirely understandable for cassie as a character to ask. it was an emotionally charged situation, and cassie is an emotional person. she’s also somebody who like to Act, to do concrete good, and getting rid of an Evil Bad Guy in front of her would be a definite action

But Cassie is a great source of morality to the group - most of them are pretty jaded, but Cassie is able to hope in a way none of the rest are. It creates a really compelling dynamic between jake and Cassie that I kinda dismissed when I was like 10 or w/e

Also the scene where jake as a fly gets crushed and starts dying? Seriously fucked. And then after when he’s nearly breaking down in the airport and Cassie comforts him...that was a really good scene. Cassie is so good  

And the continuity is so excellent - I love how in book 17, Cassie (and jake to an extent) doesn’t really weigh in on the moral debate abt the oatmeal bc she’s still shaken up by asking jake to murder a guy for her, and then (presumably) going ahead and lighting his house on fire when jake doesn’t kill him

And augh jake and Marco have such a good and interesting dynamic - the entire group kinda pushes each other into their respective ‘roles’ in the group, but for a few books that’s really true for jake and marco

I don't remember what book it was but at some point marco (I think) mentions that jake understands what marco is dealing with w/his mom being a controller bc of tom, but that they don’t talk about it bc they ‘don't talk about stuff like that’ or something and I'm just like noooo talk to each other :( 

but at this point jake feels like he can’t really express doubt and fear and stuff like that bc he’s the Leader and they look to him to be strong (which is ironically very similar to how rachel feels), and marco feels like he can’t be serious bc he’s the funny guy. 

Basically I love all the different dynamics in the group. How Cassie and Rachel are such opposites but are best friends and get along well, while Marco and Cassie are more directly opposed - as jake says, Marco is ruthless, and Cassie definitely isn’t. Rachel and Marco are also pretty different which is interesting, bc they have a lot in common, and actually agree on a lot (even if they disagree out loud) but their commonalities combined with their circumstances make them react very differently to the same situations

I also love seeing the differences between characters from each other’s POV - like, p much all the characters think that Rachel is completely fearless, but when the book is from her POV, we get to see that that isn’t true at all - she feels plenty of fear, but she recognizes that her role in the group is to be the fearless one, so she pushes aside her fear to fit into that role (which inadvertently pushes her more and more into that ‘fearless warrior’ box - something that happens to all the characters more and more as the story goes on, like jake as ‘the leader’ and Marco as ‘the jokester’).

Also I loooove the grey morality of literally everything. Like the book where ax discovers an andalite traitor - not a controller, just an andalite who betrayed them to the yeerks. This leads to the deaths of like a hundred other andalites, and that whole scene you really just feel for ax, bc he feels so awful about everyone else dying while he escapes, yet he’s also so grateful to be alive, which he in turn feels bad about...

And ax’s conflict about being torn between his home w/his fellow andalites and his new home on earth w/his friends is great

And oh man I fucking love book 19. Any of the books where it goes more into the yeerks and their side of things are so good, just like the book where jake was made into a controller.

And book 19, where we meet a sympathetic yeerk, comes right after 18, where we meet an andalite traitor - again, I love how we clearly see that no one side is completely good or completely bad

So yeah book 19 fucking slapped. That shit was so compelling. I love how Cassie made a bunch of foolish decisions based on naïve hope, but it worked out!! Things aren’t always bleak and awful!

Except there were plenty bleak and awful parts of this book. It had a great balance of moods tbh, even though a lot of the situations were extremely contrived lmao. I love the stuff that aftran says, which is basically what I was thinking when I started my reread - being a yeerk fucking sucks, you’re literally a blind slug but also completely and fully sentient, on the same level as humans and andalites - and as afran pointed out this book, the yeerks are born as parasites, just as humans are born as predators - why is it okay for the humans to kill countless animals to eat, but not for the yeerks to enslave races to act as hosts? Well, the situation isn’t totally comparable, which Cassie and Marco both point out when aftran makes that comparison - the yeerks are enslaving sentient species, and cows and chickens are not the same as the humans and hork-bajir (though the story understandably doesn’t fall too deeply into the ‘who deserves what right/animal sentience’ rabbit hole).

And I like that aftran points out that the yeerks basically have 2 options currently - stay helpless and blind in a yeerk pool, or enslave a host. It’s interesting to hear that a lot of yeerks don’t like doing this but see it as the only options, as opposed to complete sensory deprivation. It makes me wonder if there are yeerks who are so staunchly against it that they elect to stay as pool-bound slugs forever

Also maybe it’s the shounen anime fan in me but I don’t even care that much that Cassie’s entire plan was completely off the rails and hinged on only the slightest chance of success - with failure being much more likely and completely catastrophic, with the animorphs and their loved ones all being wiped out, vs success being unlikely and also achieving...a moral victory? Peace between two enemy combatants in a huge war? nothing all that concrete...anyways it was a bunch of good-faith horrible decisions on Cassie’s part, but I don’t even care? I love stories where hope and love save the day against all odds, especially when they’re wielded like weapons by a character and make everything end nicely

This is especially true here bc animorphs is generally a series that leans very far away from that type of thing, so when it does happen, it feels like a victory. Plus the David trilogy is next so we kinda need a happy ending while we can

also bc I compared animorphs to hxh last time, I now have to compare it to the other series I've (partially) liveblogged, transformers mtmte.

this is gonna be more abstract and brief but basically. mtmte is all about after the war, and everyone has so much trauma and everything just sucks, so they all go on a space cruise and work on themselves. basically.

but the series does a lot of exploration of how war fucks people up - same as animorphs, tho animorphs spans the beginning of the war (for the main characters at least) until the end, whereas mtmte starts when the war ends.

but the point is. both series do an excellent job showcasing the wide range of reactions people have to being put in unthinkable situations during wartime. all the major characters in mtmte go through arcs where they heal/change from the war, some more subtle than others

basically the animorphs needs to go on a wacky space cruise adventure with a bunch of other fucked up people and figure their shit out, mtmte style

ok this is wicked long already so I’m gonna end it here. also I feel like I should start the next liveblog w/the david triology bc I’m for sure gonna have a lot to say abt that

[hobidreams]

I watched love is blind jp on a total whim so I had no clue about what was going on but Ryutaro and Motomi are my faves too!!! Ryutaro is so wholesome and I think their personalities really mesh!!! *spoiler for anyone else who isn’t on the latest ep* it made me kind of sad?? when he dyed his hair black. I feel like his hair color was a big part of him and he mentioned how he wanted to meet Motomi’s parents the way he was. I get that her parents are strict but I’d feel sad if I had to change or restrict myself just to be with someone I like. Same thing with Wataru. Midori stated from the beginning that she does date based on looks but I feel like it’s making Wataru feel bad about the way he looks?? Like when he said he didn’t want to feel embarrassed standing next to Midori with a flab. Thoughts?

yaaaas more Ryutaro/Motomi fans 😍💕 i just LOVE how natural they are with each other. they seem like theyre genuinely having fun and thats not really something you can fake beyond a certain point.

ooooof yeah, i get that his hair was a huge part of him. but i also understand that it's temporary? i creeped his insta so i saw he dyed it back. the Japanese culture is still so patriarchical, so i understand why he did it. imo if i was meeting my partner's parents for the first time, i would probably dress respectfully for the very first time, even if it wasn't my normal style. once they look past his appearance and get to know him, i think they wouold be more understanding once he dyed it back, you know?? its like unconscious biases towards ppl and he just wants to make that good first impression. i 100% wouldn't be ok with always having to pretend to be someone else just to date someone either, but im ok with temporary LOL

for Midori... yeah fasdlkjasf. i mean, i wonder to what extent it is based on lifestyle? i met my bf when we were both uni students so very very lazy lol. we loved to sit on the couch for the whole day. but now that im getting more active, im more on his case about taking walks or doing some stretching or etc. and it doesnt seem like Wataru is anywhere near as active as Midori is (looking at how he struggled during the exercise scenes whereas she breezed through them). so that's a factor that she might be considering.

im not the biggest fan of Midori either but i think i can see where she's coming from. like even if Wataru looked like a celebrity... sometimes, you're just not attracted to someone no matter what they look like (ex. i dont think Ryan Gosling is attractive but millions of women do). i dont think Wataru should have to change himself to that extent to be with her so tbh idk if they'll get married lol! i think if she truly cannot find him attractive in his current state, she should just break it off w him.