#or as intentionally malicious! and then they get mad and you just.. dont get Why? you didn't Want to hurt anyone. you wanted to Explain.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

excuse me i need to Muse on something for a moment

so in Wally's secret 'vinyl' audios, specifically the last few (if we're listening to em in chronological order), obviously he starts to sound more strained/distressed. his breathing is more labored, like it's taking all of his energy to make contact.

but the audio that really caught my attention was the "But i still can't see" one. cause he just said he has more eyes than he did before. he knows We draw them a lot, and it's thanks to that that he can see. but he still can't see?

so my question is: where is Wally physically? cause although he can (assumedly) see the WHRP goings on, he can see through the eyes We draw, that could all be on a, uh... more Intangible level of sight. like the spiral pit is forming an eye, and then there's the eye on the ceiling in the secret Staff Only section - could Wally be in the pit, that space between his reality and Ours, "watching" through the eyes? but unable to actually see with due to the pit being pitch black nothingness? is he somewhere else? is he stuck? he can see, but he can't... see.

(or is he trying to explain an abstract concept - he's not actually viewing anything, but he can sense it. like how he knows We're there, even if he can't see or hear Us. but he just doesn't have the words to describe it other than using physical senses - see, hear, look.)

and him saying "...that I can see. But it is still... I can't..." but it's still what, Wally? dark? something else that he doesn't have the words to describe, so he just says that he can't see?

i know that in the Livestream Trivia Document (compiled by @/the neighborhoodwatch) there was something said about Wally being in a box. my first thought reading that was "oh, so he's in storage? the physical puppet, i mean?" which would make sense - show's over, there's no more use for him. pack 'em up and put him away. but that paired with the "can't see" audio makes both seem a lil... connected.

Wally can't see > he's likely somewhere dark > the inside of closed boxes are dark > Wally's in a box. (or maybe the Neighborhood is the box? it's a stretch, i know, but the map is a box. television sets are often set up in "boxes". maybe it's less of a physical storage box and more of a 'boxed in' sort of thing...)

one question i've had since the Start of my interest in this incredible project is: how is Wally communicating? how has he connected to the site? how does he connect to our reality? the pit almost definitely has something to do with it - most likely acting as a bridge, or the deteriorating of the barrier between our two 'worlds' - but if Wally is in a box and Not the pit or even just in the puppet's reality... how is he reaching us beyond just seeing through the eyes he's given?

or is he in their reality, and he can contact through the pit or something, but he can't actually see the other side? Our side? he knows it's there - that We're there - but none of it is visible to him. maybe his apparent disassociation in the 14 bug audios is a demonstration of him contacting Us. we can see through him, but it's a one way street.

and speaking of the pit - i just had a thought. his whole thing with Us letting him in, opening... the pit on the neighborhood map is getting bigger and clearer. but the presumed Other Side, the one on the Staff Only ceiling, is small. it's the size of a ceiling panel. it seems to me that Wally is chipping away at his side of the pit or 'portal', trying to reach Our reality, but he needs Us to do the same thing on the other side. the QA can hear him calling, but there's no phone on their (Our) side of the pit. how do We call back???

there's a fundamental barrier & lack of understanding between Wally and the QA/Us. he's trying. he wants to be let in, but what does that mean, really? let him in where? open what? he's desperate. he wants us to understand. he's trying so so hard Without the right tools to clearly communicate what he wants. he can't see Us, We can see him, both know the other is there, but there's no way to connect. and the attempts are hurting all parties involved, however unintentionally

[draygon-lord]

Vent post out of tags because I dont wanna mess with tags on this stream of consciousness

I have a lot of confusion and frustration about why tf did that group seemingly immediately assume me going dark on all social media was intentionally malicious towards them. Why tf did they show up to my house when I wasn't there and say AT THE TIME that it was just to deliver the first present they'd ever given me that they'd be too busy to during holiday season, only to TWO WEEKS LATER after I REACHED OUT FIRST when I felt marginally better blow up at me and say it was actually because they were worried and because "I worried them" they didn't want to make any effort to talk to me anymore but I still could make the effort to talk to them, when they've never made an effort to talk to me of their own volition in 5-6 years of friendship and I've been actively asking for years for that not to be the case. Why did they make no effort to contact me before showing up to my house aside from a tiktok for a show I've told her multiple times I've never watched, and in no way communicates worry or interest in how I'm doing. Why did their "worry" mean I am punished and actively ignored by them, and why tf did they assume it was intentionally malicious. Why did NONE of this group ever reach out at any point, and why were they all so ready to just drop me and never try to find out whats going on from me when they had my direct contact info and were just so ready to accept whatever bullshit the two that blew up at me told them?? Like how can you claim to be "good friends" and "found family" if the time i needed that support the most you decided it was intentionally malicious to hurt you. Why did only their feelings matter, and why even after I explained why I went dark did they still treat me like I was being intentionally malicious. Why were all of them just so ready to shit talk me and hate me, what did I do? Should I just have never said how I was feeling and what was hurting me and just quietly kmsed?? Just have been happy that I was allowed to exist nearby when no one ever talked to me of their own volition unless I was entertaining for them??? Should I have just been okay with one of the ones that blew up at me actively ignoring me in group situations and asking everyone else on a call by name how they were doing except me and then hanging up, or when she saw me at work and actively turned and walked away so she didn't have to talk to me??? Like how is any of that acceptable or okay??? What was i supposed to do??

Why did they immediately assume me leaving all their discords and kicking them from mine was to purposefully keep one of the ones who blew up at me from inviting the friends that were there for me to her super bowl party. Did they honestly not think their actions were out of line

Why did they feel so entitled to the friends who were there for me when they've never made an effort to talk to them and even when I was actively trying to get the two groups to connect they actively stonewalled them and only kept to themselves

Why was it that all of their immediate responses to me being extremely depressed "ignore it til it goes away" and what right do they have to be mad that that did nothing. That their "sending good vibes!!" Does fucking nothing.

[thelittlehansy]

How many signs of Narcissistic abuse can we catch in a the book "A Frozen Heart" ?

i took a article from psychology today : here the point of view is of course not partner but hans/ his narcissist father and worst bro.

I hope my reasoning are gonna fit and unfortunaly i m gonna used quote from À Frozen Heart several time for Hans family appeared only at the start of the book.

What is Narcissistic Abuse : Abuse may be emotional, mental, physical, financial, spiritual, or sexual. Here are a few examples of abuse you may not have identified:

Verbal abuse includes belittling, bullying, accusing, blaming, shaming, demanding, ordering, threatening, criticizing, sarcasm, raging, opposing, undermining, interrupting, blocking, and name-calling. Note that many people occasionally make demands, use sarcasm, interrupt, oppose, criticize, blame, or block you. Consider the context, malice, and frequency of the behavior before labeling it narcissistic abuse.

Hans on his everyday life At the start of the book :

Belittling( undermining i think also)  : "you should apologize to your mother she is after all the only one who would have ever noticed you were missing"

Bullying : "like sharks smelling blood in the water a few more of the brothers began to join in the "teasing" "

Accusing : "did you not think your mother birthday is worthy of your presence?"

Blaming : " Westergaard are lion not mice hans you should listen to your brother maybe you could learn a thing of two from them if you stopped acting like you were better than them"

Shaming : Rudy and Runo : "whats thats ? We cant hear you really should learn how to speak up father abhors mice"

Demanding : "dont disappoint me...again !" 

ordering : "his father had requested his presence and when the king made a request you did whatever was asked"

threatening : i think “dont disappoint me...again” can work also because Hans knew that what kind of treatment he receive if he dont follow his father belief thats the reasons his brothers bully him. So there is an idea of punishement if he dissapoint his father i think.

Criticizing : as you might imagine i dont have time to listen to you whine about your brothers being bullies again 

interrupting : “the king did not waste time to the point Hans , always just get to the point he would say whenever he deemed Hans had stay too long in his presence” i thought i will find nothing for this one but guess i was wrong 😅

Raging : " he didn't care if his father would be mad later it wasnt worth the torment to sit through of this assault" later

Fighting Marsmahllow : " thats all you got ? You big snowy beast ? Hans thought as he pulled out his sword and began to swing it skillfully. Compared to my father when he is angry you seem like a cuddy bunny"

Sarcasm : not any quote but very much possible with that environment !

Manipulation: Generally, manipulation is indirect influence on someone to behave in a way that furthers the goals of the manipulator. Often, it expresses covert aggression. Think of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing.” On the surface, the words seem harmless – even complimentary; but underneath you feel demeaned or sense a hostile intent. If you experienced manipulation growing up, you may not recognize it as such. See my blog on spotting manipulation.   

“Dont disappoint me...again " i think works too for this one ! This is what hans father told him after he ask if he can help him and before he go help him with a citizens that criticize him.

it has an effect on Hans who is upset and therefore wants to please and prove himself to his father even more.

the effect are there and the goal of course of the king was only for his own interest. Stopping his people To criticize him by emotionally manipulating Hans to be effective.

Emotional blackmail: Emotional blackmail may include threats, anger, warnings, intimidation, or punishment. It’s a form of manipulation that provokes doubt in you. You feel fear, obligation, and or guilt, sometimes referred to as “FOG”

one example i think : " his father had requested his presence and when the king made a request you did whatever was asked" Hans end up having a sense of obligation to come at a place where he know his brothers are gonna bully him. After when he decide to leave he talk about his father anger implying he is gonna be mad and punished him. so that an example i think we can spot also ! 

Competition: Competing and one-upping to always be on top, sometimes through unethical means. E.g. cheating in a game.

"You know you fit quit well in the southern isles everything is a competition back home " Hans to Anna during the coronation party big clue !

Negative contrasting: Unnecessarily making comparisons to negatively contrast you with the narcissist or other people.

" you should listen to your brothers you could learn a thing or two if you stop acting as if you were better that them "🤔

Exploitation and objectification: Using or taking advantage of you for personal ends without regard for your feelings or needs.

After hans works during 3 years for his father as his gofer on his way to arendelle " getting to this point had not be easy. It had taken nearly three years to convince the king that he was responsible enough.(..) all the begging, pleading and generally making himself a lapdog to his father To procure a spot as the representative would pay off"

= indication the king exploit Hans during 3 years and what is sad is that he still dont trust him at the end. So yeah deftntly take advantages of hans to me.

Sabotage: Disruptive interference with your endeavors or relationships for the purpose of revenge or personal advantage.

The princes : “after each well placed jab they would look to their father to gain his approval even at the expense of their youngest brother”

i think that quote can reflect this one because there we see the reasons why Hans relationship with his brothers is broken and the reasons is because they all want to have their father attention/approval. that’s a situation the king voluntary let happen between his son for personal advantages.( boots his ego i beleive) the king defitnly sabotage Hans relationship with his brothers and even i would say all the relationship between his sons.

Neglect: Ignoring the needs of a child for whom the abuser is responsible. Includes child endangerment; i.e., placing or leaving a child in a dangerous situation.

“it wasnt as thought he had woken up that morning to found out he was the youngest of thirtheen son with a distant and careless father that had been his ife always and that would be his life forever” this is what hans say about his life at 17 years old 20 years old with his true age.

Character assassination or slander: Spreading malicious gossip or lies about you to other people.

“ So ? any new of when i might  become an uncle again ? i m hoping your child might like me at least ?”  Hans to Lars

So here thats interpretation ! i could be wrong but to me its kind of imply the niece and nephew he got so far do not like him a lot. so now the question is how little kids may end up disliking their uncle ? unpleasant gossip from their fathers or even grandfather about their uncle !

Violence:This includes blocking your movement, pulling hair, throwing things, or destroying your property

“at least they had thrown bread this time not glassware” 

Isolation: Isolating you from friends, family, or access to outside services and support through control, manipulation, verbal abuse, character assassination, or other means of abuse.

 "For him the southern isles and it castle was a prison and his father the jailer"🤔

Withholding: Withholding such things as money, sex, communication or affection from you.!

Hans dad is volountary distant and cold with him and show less affection to him in order "to toughten him up "

Gaslighting: Intentionally making you distrust your perceptions of reality or believe that you’re mentally incompetent.

to be honest i didn't catch exactly what is gaslighting i have understand the definition but each time i see someone used the word i m confuse because cannot connect it with the definition.

so here no sign of gaslighting ( distrust perception) i don't know if this one works for "make believe you are mentally incompent"

"hans could hear the voice of his brothers (..) you dont have the guts to do anything. Princess elsa what she want is a man not  a boy. What about we go find her and you stay here where you belong."

3 are no present on the book with the last one very much possible because the king of the southern isles abuse financially his poeple :

-Lying: Persistent deception to avoid responsibility or to achieve the narcissist’s own ends.

-Privacy invasion: Ignoring your boundaries by looking through your things, phone, mail; denying your physical privacy or stalking or following you; ignoring privacy you’ve requested.

-Financial abuse: Financial abuse might include controlling you through economic domination or draining your finances through extortion, theft, manipulation, or gambling, or by accruing debt in your name or selling your personal property.

I think lying and privacy invasion can both be things Hans and even his brothers are submit since little by their father.

[caiiouts-blog]

BEWARE DANGEROUS DEVIANTART USER

! ! ! !

please do not go out and harass the people in this journal. they've decided to leave deviantART for the time being, and could return as a better person.

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☆ . ☆ . ☆

hello! it's dazai typing this out and I just wanted to let you know that I only felt this was necessary to bring to peoples attention due to the current treatment that has been received over the past few weeks. this is my side of what happened! cass herself has made her side of the story (and it's quite different) and it will be featured at the bottom of the journal.

☆ . ☆ . ☆

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rylands accounts

(primary)   blackbear666 deadmp3 poacherss

(secondary)   hellisten autisticgod wolfga-ng prorobloxplayer ashfurrs

Dazai's Version:

Ryland has been an almost extreme experience for me, his unruly behaviour getting more and more out of hand throughout the three years i've known him. he would pretend to be my friend (according to him) out of "pity" (despite feeling no sympathy) for me yet continued to trash-talk me to his ex and a few others, even during while i was venting to him. he's laughed BOTH times my girlfriends left me, picking on me during times like this while PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND.

he's leaked my "deadname" to his ex, told secrets about his exes in a malicious manner, promoted teasing of them and he even claimed to have never loved his ex during the last relationship they had together, taking every moment he could to hurt him. he told me that he purposefully put my main kin on his kin list just to get with me because his ex suggested it.. This is a petty way to "get back" at someone imho

around the time he would pick on me with his ex, he created a callout on me claiming things that i was "a fake tranny," and that i "never payed for my commissions," due to me taking my time to pay $18.00 USD despite having payed off around 5-10 artists at the time. due to the way he pressured me I had to put the other commission on hold, cancel his and pay another artist off just to feel safe about the whole situation. Thankfully in the end the commission problems were sorted out.

** in a call, he mentioned that it was (by memory) "silly of him to have done that, and that he understands that I was trying to pay off the larger thing first."

>> I also have the original callout he made on me saved, if anyone would be interested in seeing it. <<

during this time i felt at unease, I noted him mentioning how i was feeling (i was crying, shaking, bloody anxious, etc.) and at this point i wanted to make another account just to get rid of this backlash. i made the mistake of uploading my main character to my new toyhouse which linked to my new account and he used that to comment on my toyhouse AND my deviantart profile with this comment:

let me explain the situation in that comment!

1.) i called him a psychopath lol

2.) i blocked his boyfriend (ex) on my new account (that i avoided showing anyone) in hopes i could have a fresh start. me blocking his boyfriend caused no harm to him, as we apparently were not mutual.

3.) his boyfriend was trying to avoid mentioning that he had shown me his vent account, leading ryland (kaspur) to believe that I was the one that shared his vent account. he later found out that he infact was wrong, and mad enough at his boyfriend to make him suicidal. I don't know the private details, this is what ryland himself told me. 4. he also used this whole "autism diagnosis" against me despite having been undiagnosed / re-evaluated on the diagnosis with his knowledge of such.

/ / / / / / / / ☆ / / / / / / / /

some time passed and things settled down, until he and his ex broke up. i mentioned something about his ex ( i think i was supporting his ex somehow? the comments are hidden / gone ) and he spammed my profile with 4-6 aggressive comments that he's removed recently, all that is left is us having a tense conversation. with this, we decided to add eachother on discord to figure out what kind of situation ryland had been left in, how his ex treated him and began to enjoy talking to eachother once more.

Time passed and we grew closer, eventually dating. It started out smoothly, we cared about eachother and wanted the best for eachother, but as time went on, teasing remarks began to feel more harmful and fights began to occur more often. Ryland would push my buttons, dig into my weaker side of myself (unintentionally or intentionally, i do not know) and it caused me to become very unhealthy. He was assuming how i felt about situations and tried to one-up me. He literally told me that "i dont rely on you for affection, dont rely on you for attention, dont rely on you for help" and how "I'll dedicate time to Cass, preserve every conversation I had with her," Due to this, I began to get very disconnected with myself and needed proper treatment for the situation I was in. he vented about me and how he "hated me" during our relationship. He even ASKED ME TO ABUSE HIM. LOOK AT THIS:

https://sta.sh/2ejxr4mb7l9?edit=1

and to add the icing on the cake, he would threaten to slit my wrists if I ignored him, and if it was meant to be some kind of sick joke, he made it sound very serious with the tone he used it in.

Can I just mention that.. if you ask someone to do something, it usually means they haven't done it, right? Not only this, but (while he was drunk) he was begging me to have sex with him, tried to pressure me into having sexual conversations with him because "I did with my other girlfriends" and wouldn't stop bringing it up during that night, it hurt me. And what hurts me more is that these conversations happened in a no longer existing groupchat meaning the most I can give you guys is my word.

Not to mention, cass' therapists have mentioned that ryland comes off to them as an abusive, controlling and sometimes even predatory person. One of them even referred Cass this document as something they feel connects with ryland:

/ / / / / / / / ☆ / / / / / / / /

For the past few weeks, ryland has been venting about me in group-chats and pm, as well as making very malicious status posts targeting (and name-dropping) both cass and i.

screenshots of his vents

- Ryland has yet to state what makes him believe I gas-lighted him and abused him, only claims these two titles. i'm still waiting for his reasoning behind these claims ***

- I'm not a Satanist, I do not have any beliefs in religious-related subjects, and never have been. I've questioned it, but in the end never went along with it

- "im more mature with situations like fights" ... that doesn't seem evident in the multiple times you have:

Spammed various people's profiles with hateful messages and deaththreats

Using a wide array of slurs (whore, nigga, cunt) against people

Making fun of their diagnosis's and coping methods, such as autism or age regression

- We decided to leave Ryland because he was making us unhealthy

- Ryland has NO RIGHT to assume what happened in my relationships, there was no pressure involved in any of my relationships

- The problems I 'pressured' him for were ones RELATING TO THE RELATIONSHIP. It was ideal for me to know the problems someone may have with me in hopes to change to make them comfortable and healthier.

*** this is the only thing he uses to back his claims.

"i talked to a therapist someone who KNOWS WHAT IT IS and what abuse is n shit"

/ / / / / / / / ☆ / / / / / / / /

This is a link of him harassing people, spamming people as well as dictating emotions..

extra information

Also, some texts he sent to cass which concerned me.

Cass's Version:

This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done ;_; because I have never done this to someone before and I hope I never do this again. He was my best friend and I cared for him. But I'm sick and tired of being harassed, name dropped, etc, just because I left him to better myself. I'm sick of him making me look like an awful person just because I left. He makes my mistakes look like the worst thing that has ever happened to him. He won't leave us alone and I don't want to be walked all over by him anymore, not again.

He manipulates the truth:

Last year, Ryland was so stressful to handle.

After I left him, he made a massive call out journal on me. Because I stopped being his friend.  Let that sink in, I stopped being his friend. He called me his best friend, he even said to me that I was "better than Nichii" (now known as Dazai) and you know, you don't fucking attack your so called 'best friend' after they leave you, all I did was stop being his friend.

"Oh but he was your bestfriend! Why are you calling him out?!" He won't shut the fuck up about us, he won't leave us alone. He is so spiteful.

Even if Ryland was going through so much at that time, I needed to look after myself. I don't owe him my friendship. I DON'T owe him anything. I was also going through a hard time, I was being bullied at school but oh, I guess your problems were more important then my problems. I was dealing with my own shit, I didn't have to keep babying you because I was so special to you.

I know I don't owe you anything. I did tell him that I felt like I owed him something (I don't remember the exact thing I said) but even if I did say that I owed him something, I don't.

When I was his friend last year it stressed me so much, the counselors I went too could see how our friendship was hurting my mental health... it was just unhealthy what we were and I acted differently because it was affecting my mental health so much. They wanted me to leave him. He kept calling me 'perfect' and a lot of other things, it's been a year so I don't quite remember things clearly but that is one of the things that stuck with me. Everything he said to me made me feel like I had to be the perfect friend for him, I had to be like some sort of knight in shining armor. So I acted differently towards him. I let him walk all over me. I let him hurt me (unintentionally / intentionally?) just so I can be good enough for him.

He didn't force me to act differently, but it's the impact he had on me. I was so depressed, I had to be perfect. I had to be the best just for him. I couldn't do it.

Everyone around me was literally telling me to leave him INCLUDING my therapists, that really says something right? Everyone saw who he really was except me because I considered him my FRIEND.

So back to the massive call out post on me, because of the things he said about me on that call out are now the reason why I think I'm such an awful person,(and because I used to be bulliedl) I know I'm not. He demonized me. He made himself look like an angel. I did do stupid things out of emotion but he did way worse to me, he attacked me, he made himself look like he did nothing bad and I was just some evil person.

Sadly, I didn't screenshot / save anything about the journal (my friends have witnessed it and they all called it bullshit because everything he said about me was false and they are the people who truly know who I am) but I do have a comment which is still up on his old account which is basically all the things he said about me but not as bad.

https://comments.deviantart.com/4/39888493/4226447654

-He was previously known as Kaspur

Okay, first of all I did not leave him over a bee.

I left him because of how depressed he made me(he was tearing at my mental health unintentionally) and everyone(including therapists) told me to leave him. So, I did. I shouldn't of said "it will be okay" it was stupid of me to do, but I was panicking. HE WAS SPAMMING MY PAGE, HE WAS SPAMMING ME ON SKYPE, HE WOULDN'T STOP, WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO?

I do not hurt people intentionally, I never want to hurt people. Everyone who knows me knows that I don't. He never knew me! He really should fucking stop assuming how people felt. He isn't right just because he says it, he never knew how I felt and he still does this to this very day. YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW OTHERS FEEL.

You know what, I did leave him for a month because I needed personal space at that time I was not 'trying to get the fuck away from him'. He was unbelievably dependent on me and I couldn't handle it, I couldn't even handle myself, so how the hell was I suppose to handle him?

He made it seem like I made him be so 'attached' and so 'clingy'. I did nothing. I knew what I was to him but that doesn't mean shit. That doesn't mean I have to stay and be his friend. I am not obligated to be his friend just because he felt like that towards me. Leaving him doesn't make me a bad person.

"I told him i WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU"

He asked me to promise him that I would not leave him. That is unhealthy. I remember the day very clearly because it made me feel uneasy. I did say those things but I felt very very pressured into doing so. I mean, if someone who relied on you heavily asked you that, how would you react? "I can't promise you that I can stay forever/ I can't promise you I won't leave."

"when he gave his opinion about a friend coming back to me (she left me for 5 months and i didnt know why) I TOTALLY DIDNT LISTEN TO HIM! HIS OPINION DOESNT MATTER RIGHT?!!?"

How dare you assume my personal situation you barely knew anything about. I wasn't going to leave my best friend just because you told me too. She did not hurt me like how you hurt me.

Also, by the way, if your friend hurt/upset you and you vent about how you feel at that moment, that doesn't make it a fucking back stab. We all say things at the heat of the moment, and I suppose what Ryland did back then was 'heat of the moment' but it was a major overreaction. I remember he'd talk about it for months, he terrified me. You don't DEMONIZE someone you called your 'best friend' just because they leave you.

He also harassed me. He spammed my fucking profile. He still does this to people. I know he spammed his ex. I still have those screenshots. He used multiple accounts. He made 3 new accounts just to keep spamming me.

https://xxcasandraloverxx.deviantart.com/

http://xxcasandrasenpaixx.deviantart.com/

http://xxcasandrasuckedmexx.deviantart.com/

I was in a call with my best friend at that moment and I was crying my eyes out! He saw all the things they said about me he helped me hide the comments because there was so much.

Overall, he and his friends used 12 accounts just to spam me. Pathetic. Here's the accounts because I reported it:

(lol dazai was one of them xD abuse)

+ the fact that he used my real name to create three of these spam accounts made me feel absolutely terrible

If anyone wants proof of the spam, I'll gladly give it to you. I have it saved on my old phone.

This was last year but from what I and Dazai can tell, he has barely improved and has gotten worse. He STILL manipulates situations into something more 'evil' then what they really were.

Me and Dazai would call and play minecraft but we kept it from him because we didn't want to make him jealous, he was very jealous about me and Dazai being friends.

So we were all in a call together and after I went to bed, Dazai accidentally told him that we had been calling and playing minecraft and Ryland makes it out that this is one of the terrible things Dazai has done. He lied about playing minecraft with me.

In a journal he said this, "38. What happened? we dated. i got lied to three times. he made me look like the bad guy cus i was mad at him for lying. he left me.  haha, so what was that mr "i love ryland" thnx 4 faking it"

He made you look like the bad guy? You made yourself look like the bad guy, you overreacted to him not telling you that we played minecraft together. Like, you lie yourself, you told me you lied about our friendship or whatever the fuck you mean't a few months ago. So... you can lie, but if we lie we're the worst person to have ever existed? Grow up. Just because you're 13 doesn't give you an excuse to act immature. Sure, it plays a roll because you're young but... you know what you do is bad and you STILL DO IT. You're nearly 14.

----

The counselors/therapists I've gone to ALL say he's manipulative and they all think he's a predator. I tell/show them what he has said to me and that's what they have all said. All (I'm not exaggerating) of the therapists don't even believe he is 13 because of the way he acts. My recent therapist thinks what he did to me was a "power and control thing" and she said he is very manipulative.

She read them out loud to me and I was shocked because some of them were spot on for example: Minimize/deny/blame

The descriptions under the headlines are just examples of what someone could do.

He DEFINITELY minimizes the things he has done wrong since he's done it with me(you can see it up there), he did it with Dazai (look at his side of the story) and I'm sure he does it with everyone who wrongs him.

-He knows he does bad things but, he never changes? He told me he didn't want to change.

-He blamed the things he did to Dazai on his ex.

I didn't want to believe any of it, he was my friend. I didn't want to believe he was manipulative. I was ignorant because I was blinded by the fact that he was my friend. I know he isn't intentionally manipulative, or at least, I hope he isn't intentionally manipulative. But IT'S HIS PERSONALITY. Dazai KNOWS HIM. You don't want to see the bad in your friend, ya know? You support your friends. Now that I left him for good and I'm with healthier people, I can finally see who he really is and I regret supporting him.

---

I'll repeat this: He is sometimes unintentionally manipulative but he does have control over what he does.

He told me things like this multiple times:

but as soon as I want too, he pulls stuff like this:

He begged me, I don't want to show it all because it fucks me up but if I really have too I will. I asked him to not beg me but he still kept begging!

That really pressured me. It made me feel like shit. It made me feel so guilty for leaving you which shouldn't happen.

He lied to me saying it was okay, and then he tried to manipulate me into staying with him. Those screenshots really explain themselves. I nearly stayed too despite it putting SO MUCH PRESSURE ON ME, I was crying so much, it hurt my chest, I was about to have a panic attack, it was awful.

I didn't stay because Dazai helped me through it, and I'm glad I didn't stay because our friendship was fucking me up.

One time he called me selfish for trying to stop him from committing suicide(he apologized but that isn't the point of this) and this is what my friend said about it:

-------

Ryland checks up on us.

We check up on him. I'm not going to lie, I do check up on him. He's out to get us. He makes me so anxious. I'm scared he's going to ruin my reputation like he did with me last year! and with so many people just because they leave him or because they 'gaslight/manipulate him'. DAZAI IS NOT MANIPULATIVE. Dazai is no where NEAR manipulative! Dazai is honestly the kindest soul I've ever met. He has helped me and my friend Sky through a lot, and I'm really glad I met such a kind person like him. Many other people can say the same and it's really fucking weird how only one person on earth thinks differently about both of us!

You don't know us. You're just really fucking upset because me and him are friends and you sure love to try to get back at us for enjoying each others company. How malicious.

We have our heads up OUR ASSES? how fucking hilarious.

HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HOW MANIPULATIVE YOU ARE, IS YOUR HEAD SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU CAN'T GET OUT?

You treated DAZAI LIKE SHIT.

You manipulated me. You pressured me. You made a call out on me BECAUSE I STOPPED BEING YOUR FRIEND. You've done HORRIBLE stuff to me, Dazai and your other 'abusive' ex.(more on that later) If anything, calling me a bitch is a compliment. Thank you. YOU'RE TOXIC.

Dazai is not manipulative, that is not who he is. You fucking told me he was manipulating me but you have no proof? I know why Dazai acted the way he did and what he did to you isn't as bad as you make it out to be. Sure, he did stupid things but you make it out like it's the worst fucking thing he's ever done in his life. NOBODY deserves to be demonized for minor / HUMAN mistakes. You demonize the living shit out of people just because they leave you.

proof who? He's manipulating me because I... think he's a good person? He does not treat me like how you treated me.

I'm sure Dazai mentioned this in his side of the story so I'm going to say this: He acted differently around you because of how awfully you treated him, he was not himself and he wanted to leave. You do NOT know Dazai. It is not an excuse, but it is the impact you had on him. You made him unhealthy by the way you treated him, intentionally or not, you still did and you fucking knew you were treating him poorly. You hint it yourself in a meme journal you wrote here;

"49. What do you regret: reacting the way i did

50. Why? cus i would be with the person i love right now lol?"

SO YOU MUST KNOW YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG!

And you know what Ryland? You're not my second choice, your not even my last choice! I'll never pick you! Not anymore at least. You always wanted to one up Dazai! You made me feel so freaking pressured to leave him just because you wanted to be better then him. I felt like I had to tell you that 'you're better' and other things just to comfort you. You depended on me and I felt like there was no other option, I didn't know what to say that would make you feel better! Sure, it might've not been your intention to do that but you still made me feel very pressured.

"i will always be that friend u have in the background while u r playing doll with ur other friends but when they leave you, you come to me"

EXCUSE ME? E X C U S E M E? YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU. STOP FUCKING ASSUMING HOW I FELT TOWARDS YOU. I have NEVER came back to you when my friends leave me. You're fucking gross, how DARE YOU. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. That is not who I am. I try my best to talk to EVERYONE even when I am facing my own problems. STOP TRYING TO BE BETTER THEN MY FRIENDS. YOU'RE NOT BETTER THEN THEM. You are probably THE WORST friend I've EVER HAD. Not even the friends I had petty childhood fights with treat me like that! and that's saying a lot.

AND JUST IN CASE HE MENTIONS THIS I'LL JUST SAY IT: I swear to god if you mention how "I left that one friend because I was jealous" yeah, I did. I don't want to get into detail because it is irrelevant but I didn't want to hurt her anymore then I have, I wasn't handling myself well and so I left her. You even told me to leave her. I care a lot about her still and I know for a fact I won't act the way I did again. I've learnt from my mistake. You don't know the full story between me and her. Yeah I told you 'bits' and 'pieces' but you don't know how we felt. So just fuck off before you mention it, you really really love to assume things so I wouldn't be surprised if he mentions this situation with some diluted bullshit.

You're disgusting Ryland for assuming I'd do that. I don't know how I supported and even loved someone like you.

You are not fucking mature when it comes to fights stop trying to make yourself this fucking angel, you're the most immature 13 year old I've ever met. My brothers your age too and he thinks your really immature. You make NO SENSE.

You also do not know how I handle my friends either, so like, just fuck off? I'm sorry that my mental health / care for the other person is important to me? NOT EVERYBODY ACTS LIKE YOU RYLAND. You made me so FUCKING DEPRESSED and you couldn't fix that. You can't fix it. I've always felt like that around you. Just because I leave someone does not mean they were worthless to me. So shut the fuck up, seriously. You do not know how me and Dazai handle things, we handle our situations very differently then yours, just saying.

I'll repeat this again; I do not owe you my friendship. No matter how depressed, weak, whatever you feel, I don't have to be your friend.

I really should not have come back to you all those 4 times I felt bad. I knew you were dependent on me that is why I kept coming back. I couldn't say no to you and I don't know why. I enjoyed our friendship of course, but there were more negatives in our friendship then positives. You said it in a bunch of statuses before, how you can't function without me and other things about me. I got those screen shoted.

But, like you said to me:

My kindness does blind me. I gave you the benefit of the doubt all this time. I thought you were a good person despite you proving it otherwise constantly.

---

Stop assuming how I felt throughout our friendship.

Stop assuming how I handle my friendships.

I handle situations differently to yours so SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Stop fucking assuming how I feel! Just because I tell you something doesn't mean it's the whole story! You are malicious.

I don't like you.

I want you to get the fuck away from me, I want you to shut the fuck up about me, I never want to be in contact with you AGAIN. I'll never ever come back to you like I have stupidly done those 4 times, I did it because I cared about you but fuck that. You obviously never cared about me since you treat me like shit after I leave. You're so fucking spiteful and full of revenge it'd be healthier if you just move on and learn from your mistakes. You almost never do.

You CONSTANTLY complain about things you can fix about yourself, I CAN'T HELP YOU WHEN ALL YOU DO IS WHINE AND NOT WANT TO CHANGE.

I'm also reconsidering the situation with your ex Sage, because I know now that you make issues look more sinister then they really are. I know he did some stupid shit, but were they really that fucking terrible? I'd honestly like to hear his side of the story since we never got to hear it.

If what me and Dazai did was bad, the things he's done to us is worse.

I'm done with you Ryland.

[datingadviceonreddit]

So I was dating this guy Mak in LA. We met in October through our mutual best friends in DC when he was visiting from NYC and we kept in touch casually through the months. He ended up moving to LA in January for a big music company and then I went there in March for two months, we became really close friends and then ended up dating in April and he got reallllly attached like asked me to be his girlfriend within a weekSome background: He had two ex girlfriends in the last few years in NYC, both were 8 months long, both dumped him for their ex. He's on good terms with both of them and close friends with the first one.Anyway, I left LA mid April and we somehow ended up talking everyday and I feel like we finessed it into some long distance relationship without meaning to. But he wasn’t sure if I was coming back to LA , and I wasn’t sure either but thought I was. But we agreed to be monogamous or whatever until we see each other for Memorial Day weekend. (The first weekend he's back in NYC since he moved in January).Two weeks before that weekend we got into a big fight, because he's a shitty communicator and texter and I said it’s weird I’m still texting my EX more than him. And he got really upset "is this happening to me again?", said he was just like this with everyone (his best friends have mentioned this ) and needs to be better.Since our conversation he’s been really fine. He gets to NYC last Wednesday and we were staying together Wednesday and Thursday, he was working mostly all day but we hung out at night. He told me on Friday he's seeing his friends which I was totally cool with since he has many and hasn’t seen them in forever, but he goes out gets wasted and all I hear from him is a text at 12:30: help im drunk -.-On Saturday, there’s a big party that’s his best friends birthday that he invited me to at 5 pm. He wakes up hungover at 3:30 asks me where I am, and I tell him he can come meet up with my friends at 5 if he wants (in LA I made every effort to meet his friends when they visited). He tells me sorry, I have to go to my party at 5, see you there.I text him at 7, where are you? And he says he hasn’t left yet. lol. He said he got behind and then I started getting annoyed and he asked me if I was mad and I said “I dont know what else to say we already had to this conversation so many times about communicating” and then he started getting all fucking weird and saying sorry hes not the person I need and he can’t be there for me right now and we should talk about ending things if this isn’t working lol. It was just so bizarre because he was legit begging me to be his gf just on ThursdayI get to the party at 8 with my friends he's kinda quiet but always lingering around me and being nice or whatever, I brought up the fight and he goes “Sam I feel like Im not ready for you. All we do is fight I feel like you’re just mad because you've never been rejected before."Meanwhile hes doing like 10000 lines of coke. This party is batshit wild like 500 people in some Williamsburg house like a horrible college party I hate. I leave after we fight or talk or whatever for 30 min where hes just like dismissing me and acting so fucking 180. I go outside and I'm crying and I tell my friends what happened and in my drunken state i'm begging him to come downstairs and say bye to me because I dont like the way things ended and this wasn’t cool considering we were friends before all of this. And he just says he doesn’t wanna leave the party doesn’t wanna come down. Texts me an hour later asking if i'm still across the street at the bar I was in and I tell him im disgusted by his behavior. Also I told him before this party not to get too drunk and shit because were supposed to spend sunday together.Hes out til 7 am. Texts me at 2 pm when he wakes up apologizing asking to see me, sees me is apologizing profusely telling me how he reverted back to his NYC bullshit and how everything he hated about himself just came out last night and he doesn’t expect me to ever talk to him or give him the time of day and that he clearly has deeper issues he needs to resolve and he was being so shittyTells me he was just super frustrated that he thought he was becoming a better communicator but then slipped and feels like he wasn’t good enough for me, that he lost his shit because he didn’t know how to handle the situation. And was fucked up from all the coke and would do anything to rebuild my trust even as a friend and I ended things and I said I need time to be friends again and hes been apologizing to me and shit and trying to go out of his way to do shit for me all week.His friend sent me this:" he left new york specifically to not be this person, knowing full well it was neither personally healthy nor good for his relationships with people... romantic or otherwise. in los angeles he was able to get away from that kind of noise and focus on himself and building something with you, and i think that much was evident, and he was excited to do both of those things.... he’s very one track minded which is honestly why i was so impressed at his generously and ably hosting me for like 6 daysbut i don’t think he was intentionally malicious at all, i think it was more him prioritizing the complete wrong things/people and then realizing his folly midway through and then just digging in, instead of addressing it sooner."I called him and spoke to him on thursday and said i still wanted things to be over and I need a few days of space. On thursday when we talked, he told me about how he bumped into this girl he went on one date with right before we started dating. This girl has been a running joke because she looks like me but worse and I made fun of him for going out with someone just like me while we started dating. he ghosted her when we started 2 months ago and just ran into her and said hi. I made a joke and said "you're not going to date her are you now" and he laughed and said no.We dont talk until sunday, he calls me, i dont pick up. He called me last night I picked up and said I needed some space but asked him how he was doing what he did this weekend....he admits to me he saw this girl on Saturday and they got a couple of drinks. I’m dumbfounded as this was a topic of conversation on Thursday and he tells me his mind was racing and he thought I was already dating and sleeping guys this weekend, that he felt like he lost me and was hating himself for it, went into a self destructive hole and thought he’d feel better about himself if he got a drink with this girl. That he just wanted to get out of his head and not be lonely.Tells me it wasn’t the right thing to do, that it was selfish and he brought this upon himself and he doesn’t understand why he’s burning this more and more. That he’s never loved a girl more than me and doesn’t know how to handle any of this. He said hes already hurt me enough and hes going to leave me alone now and take a long time away from me to actually work on himself and not inflict any more drama.And im just conflicted as fuck. WHY IS HE DOING ALL THIS AND ACTING CRAZY ALL OF A SUDDEN?? is it because hes getting scared?? via /r/dating_advice