#or as they’re now known: herp and derp

[theenglishgent]

I want to thank everyone who has been sending good messages towards me since I’ve been stuck in a depression pit lately.

For those who have been with me through the thick of it, I think you deserve an explanation. If you’re not curious though, please entirely disregard this post in its entirety. Plus it’ll be something I delete a bit later on once I get better. But now, stay a while and listen.

It’s mostly a combination of two various things: broken promises and a string of bad luck.

Before, I do this though, I need to tell a story from a few years ago. At least, an abridged version of it.

>I know someone, they're a fan and someone I've known for a couple of years. They weren’t the closest of friends, but most interactions were positive so things were good. 

>He has a friend whose birthday is coming up, asked if I can draw something.

 >I usually don't do requests, but his idea intrigued me since it involved a show I liked a lot (and giving ladies big curves, herp derp)

>I start to work 

>He gives further incentive to do it by saying he wants to pay me back with something cool. 

 >This gives me strong motivation now 

>Finish it, show 

>He likes it, his friend loves it 

>allfeelsgood.png 

>and I'm gonna get something cool.

...And the reward for all that?

They found someone that wanted to commission me.

Again

Their idea of a reward was that they found someone to commission.

I know that doesn’t seem so bad, but 1. I openly stated many, many times I don’t do commissions, and 2. if I genuinely needed them, I could announce a journal and fill slots in like 30 minutes flat.

Essential, my reward for work? 

MORE WORK.

WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

...Sorry.

Any who, the reason I tell you this story is I’m kind of going through it again, somewhat. There were some friends I did a few things before, and they mentioned how they wanted to pay me back for the things I’ve done. A couple even mentioned they wanted t commission other folks to draw my OCs. Neat!

Well..this was months back and today there’s nothing. Nothing but broken promises. So it just...constantly reminded me of the story from before and how broke I became when it happened. 

That’s where my recent string of back luck comes in.

I’ve been trying to rectify the problem myself in trying to commission folks myself lately, but..I either get to folks at the last second as they close up or they just ignore me. Legit, the closest I’ve gotten with someone thus far is that I’ve sent notes and details on a thing I wanted, and they were ready. All they had to do, they said, was send an invoice. Cool, things are finally looking up!

...I’m still waiting for that invoice as we speak as of a couple or more weeks now.

It just feels like right now the universe is saying

“HOW FUCKING GODDAMN DARE YOU WANT THINGS FOR YOURSELF”.

And that’s how I’m here. Just feeling like an art monkey that feels like his own reason for being is to always give to others. 

Feeling broken.

Feeling

I’m sorry, but I’m gonna stop here now. Just thinking about the story I’ve told you more and more just keeps upsetting me more and more.

[guggi04]

Uh-ohh.. Someone overheard their piggie mommy’s going to the JO concert and now they’re showing off their dance moves and singing (shrill wheeking) skills to convince me to bring them along..🐹🐹

Sorry, fellas.. Humans only.