#or something idk i havent lived on my own for very long. maybe im overreacting on that point

[sugardoodle]

I have 2 days to decide whether or not to spay my accidental new cat before she has her babies. She's like, t-minus 7ish days until birth so I have no idea what I should do. Like they might be viable at this point so it feels more like euthanizing an entire litter than just terminating a pregnancy. Like you can feel them moving and kicking if you touch her belly. I've been dying the past 3 days over this decision but I'm almost out of time.

Also if anyone thinks to berate me for allowing her to get pregnant, you can go kick rocks, because I brought her in from outside over a month ago since she was a stray and it was almost winter. She came like that so it's not my fault, and they couldn't get me in for a spay any sooner because of the high demand for the low cost clinic. It was originally scheduled for December 1st but I wasn't sure if she'd still be pregnant at that point, so they were able to get me on the cancelation list. But not as soon as I wanted and now I'm in a pickle.

I dont regret bringing her inside at all, but I do wish I'd been able to just fork over the couple hundred extra it would have cost to have her spayed at my actual vet rather than waiting for the clinic to have a spot. But now if I decide to back out and let her raise the kittens, itll cost that much anyways to have them all fixed and chipped and vaxxed and whatnot. So it didn't matter much in the end, ig? Unless I can live with myself if I make the decision to have the babies aborted. Which in humans like, your body your choice. But this cat can't make any choices so it's on ME to decide FOR her and she would probs be fine either way since she's an animal. But I'm having a problem with it so UGH what do I DO now.

[marvelbuilt]

hi okay so i’m going to make this post because i dont have too many rp friends that i can even talk to about this. 

so im like really upset right now because two of my best rp friends havent like spoken to me in months. so basically we’d all been friends for a very long time via MANY different fandoms. we had our own discord gc and servers and stuff and talked nearly every day. they were really there for me when my ex dumped me unexpectedly and i was an utter mess and they were there for me as i got better. i’ve also been there for them for insecurities, among other things. we were all really good friends. 

so two of us watch drag race, nothing new there, and while i assumed the other was watching live, with me, i sent in a group chat “MONET WAS ROBBED” to which she was understandably upset that i spoiled that singular episode on who went home for her. but the way she went about it really put me off. that coupled with my worry that i was just annoying them both at this point, had me overreacting and leaving the gc. i thought things would just cool down; whatever. well no one ever messaged me, not that i expected them to, so i eventually messaged them and apologized and explained why i felt insecure about things and that i loved them a lot like literally sisters to my gay ass. then we talked about like one thing? and then they completely stopped responding to my messages.

that was fine; i just figured they had left the rpc, as all their blogs went onto hiatus and maybe they’d abandoned their discords as well, idk. so then we still have each other on snapchat and insta/twitter. she tweets something about waiting for incredibles 2, i tweet back something just semi-sarcastic with edna mode handing out tissues. it was a joke but apparently we weren’t there yet lmao. so never got a response. like a month or two passes and i realize that our snap chat group is now empty (we like used it very rarely), meaning both of them had left. mind you; i’m only talking about one of them currently.

that was like a week or two ago and i realized; wow maybe they’re like done with rp for good and don’t want anything to do with me. i dont reminders of friends who aren’t coming back so i removed them from my discord (they hadn’t responded in months anyway) and unfollowed via twitter and like removed them from snapchat. it’s not that deep, especially for people who didn’t seem to want to talk anymore.

anyways; after the yj trailer was released during comic con last week, i decided to make dcbuilt finally and really buckle down. i started following people and found a blog that looked remarkably similar to that one friend. i followed and liked posts, until i finally realized that it was in fact her. i then realized she was never going to follow back and again tried to make amends, explaining why i removed them from things, because i figured they weren’t coming back / didn’t want to talk anymore; whatever. i wasn’t sure how to contact her, so i resorted to an ask on our blogs yesterdays. i said i didn’t want to go back into yj without having her to talk about it with among wanting to be friends again.

this morning i woke up, half-expecting to not hear back, only to see i’m no longer following the blog, meaning she softblocked me. i couldn’t even get an answer to whether or not we could be friends again; just a softblock so she doesn’t have to deal with me.

i literally lost TWO of my best friends because i spoiled an episode of drag race and put a gif of edna mode handing tissues on twitter. like, they are some of the sweetest girls i have ever met and i adore them dearly, still to this day. the issues i caused were mistakes; no doubt. but i never thought of them as issues that would result in a softblock. i dont even know what my other friend thinks of me?? like i can only just imagine she’s going along with her.

anyway, the yj fandom is small right now and i’m worried that things are going to be awkward and im like just kinda floored that all of this has happened. like i never meant to harm in anyway. i dont even know why she’s upset with me. i spoiled an episode of who went home on drag race, apologized and was forgiven. then, thinking we’re good, i sent a sarcastic tweet of edna mode handing tissues for waiting to see incredibles 2 and never got anything in return. then i was never responded to again; figured they were just done with rpc and didn’t want to talk anymore, so i removed them from things. then i find out that’s not the case and attempt to explain my, if you ask me, minuscule actions, and she won’t even talk to me and just softblocks me instead.

i cant stand to have people mad at me; but especially people i was so close to for so long and the fact that i don’t even know the reason why. like is it still the drag race thing? the edna gif? i never blocked them or insulted them or talked bad about them? i literally adore and love them. like i just can’t believe i’m losing some of my best friends over something that i don’t even know. like is it because i removed them? because they left the snap group first; i didn’t do that.

ugh i know no one is going to read this full thing through but im just like??? what is going on? im literally shaking i cant stand not knowing