#orc bistro problem

[kingsmoot]

orc bistro problem but of all the sharkespearean plays to exist in westeros i can't tell you how happy i am that 1. it's the merchant of venice 2. THEON HAS READ IT

[ratralsis]

I ate a bunch of pig's blood and that's normal and fine

Here's another story about my book that isn't really about my book.

There's a point in the book where Kevin, the human character, is about to cross the border from the kingdom where he grew up and enter an empire populated mostly by orcs. He decides that he's going to need to start getting used to eating orcish food, and so, when they stop at an inn for the night, he eats the same thing that Katia, who happens to be an orc herself, eats.

So I thought, what's something that might be unusual for a guy like Kevin, who's eaten like a peasant most of his life, but not so unusual that he'll be shocked or horrified by it? And I thought, well, why not just eat something really bloody? He ate venison stew in an earlier scene, so I decided to look and see if there were any stew or soup recipes out there that used animal blood directly in the broth. Surely there had to be, right? People eat blood! Black pudding! Blood sausage! It's a thing! Blood is gross to me as an American, but it's not at all a problem in a lot of the world! It's just wasteful to NOT eat it, right?

I just had two problems: first, I didn't want to make up a brand new "orc food" to deliberately sound gross. I don't like the idea of orcs as vile monsters, or the idea of painting real-world cultures, such as ones that consume animal blood, as monstrous. So I wanted to try to use something that exists in reality and depict it fairly, as a food that is just a food that Kevin hasn't ever eaten before instead of something icky that he can't stomach. And second, if I were going to base this food on a real food, then I didn't want to make up a description of it. The way it tastes, smells, looks, and so on. So off I went to google things.

Turns out there's a kind of soup only called "black soup" that the ancient Spartans used to eat, thousands of years ago, that was made with pork, pig's blood, vinegar (to keep the blood from clotting), and salt. There's also a traditional Filipino dish called dinuguan, made with the same ingredients, and then also some other vegetables and spices, like bay leaves, peppers, and granulated sugar.

It ALSO turns out that, here in Columbus, Ohio, there's a Filipino bistro not far from where I live. And it ALSO turns out that I've been sitting on a $15 GrubHub gift card for the last four months.

So, long story short, I ordered a bowl of dinuguan from the Filipino bistro so that I would have the experience of eating a big bowl of pork, pig's blood, vinegar, and various spices. It was fine! Surprisingly mild. I could certainly smell and taste the vinegar, but it wasn't overpowering at all. Honestly, it kind of reminded me of the taste and consistency of ketchup. The slight sweetness from the sugar added to that, since ketchup is basically just sugar, vinegar, and tomato paste.

It's possible, if not outright likely, that this was an Americanized and milder version of the real thing, because this is Columbus, Ohio, after all, but I don't think that adding more or different vegetables and spices would change the fact that pig's blood really doesn't have a strong taste to it.

It just doesn't. But it IS very black.

And so, it shows up in my book as "black soup." Kevin tries a bite and his only comment is "I've had worse." A short while later, he "breathes deep the scent of blood and vinegar" after laughing at something. And that's it.

Katia, on the other hand, loves it, saying that while orcs don't eat it every day, it grows on you. I feel like that's a safe statement to make. It's kind of a nostalgic dish for her, having been away from the empire for the last ten years, and she's happy to get to eat it again. Happy enough to scrape the sides of her bowl with her spoon to eat as much of it as she can.

The point is to show that it's just regular food to her, and, once Kevin tries it, he realizes that it's just regular food to him, too. Their cultures are different, that's all. It's not gross, and he doesn't have a panic attack and think that orcs are bloodthirsty creatures who literally eat blood--like I said, even if I imagine him as having the diet of an English peasant circa the 13th/14th century, he's eaten plenty of blood, too. I mean, the guy hunted animals. He would kill, skin, and eat animals all the time. It would be far stranger if he HASN'T ever chowed down on a blood pudding or blood sausage. He's just never had this particular recipe, that's all.

I'd also like to point out that my cats, as soon as they caught a whiff of the stuff, went absolutely crazy for it. They wanted that bowl of meat and blood BAD, and I couldn't give it to them, of course. Vinegar, black pepper, salt, and sugar are not things that I want my eats to eat. But they didn't know that. They smelled blood, hot, steaming blood, in a bowl, in my hands, and they wanted to eat that blood.

Sorry, cats. That was my blood to eat. And I ate it.

Just like lots of people around the world do every day. It's nothing special. I'm not a special guy, here, who did something really weird and crazy. It's on the fucking menu at a fucking bistro in Columbus, Ohio. It's regular-ass food and it cost me $15.08 when you added in the cost of GrubHub delivery and tip.

It's just something I'd never tried before, and it's because of this book that I'm writing that I tried it, that's all. It's just a funny story.

Would I recommend it? Well, if you're not adverse to eating meat, yeah! It's worth trying, just to see if you like it. I kinda did! Will I eat it again? Probably not anytime soon, just because it seems like kind of a bad use of my money to drop $15 on dinner for just me, sitting at home by myself, with two cats who want to eat my food. But if I'm ever at a Filipino place again, maybe I will.

[kingsmoot]

beg pardon?

[kingsmoot]

Are septs and septons/septas also clients at the Latin orc bistro?

i'm not sure i understand your question. the "orc bistro problem" refers to the scene in the lotr trilogy where an orc says "meat's back on the menu, boys!"

but if menus exist in middle earth, specifically in orc culture, does that mean orcs have bistros?

septas and septons are a canon in-universe religious order. they worship the seven

lucifer is a figure in christian mythology, so if there is some random lord named lucifer that implies the existence of the christian bible in westeros, which goes against canon

septas and septons are not an orc bistro problem, because though they are based on catholicism and catholic orders, they belong to an in-universe major religion

[kingsmoot]

Sorry, septon ask person. Was just thinking how the words for sept and septon clearly derive from the Latin root for seven and would imply like Lucifer the existence of Latin in westeros.

ooooh i see! @ludcake also explained it this way but tyvm for clarifying

for me this isn't an orc bistro problem exactly since the books are written in english, and though the language the characters speak in westeros is referred to as "common" i think we can assume that they are speaking in modern (slightly augmented) american english like, in-world

but to answer you question: yes! lord lucifer, the iron island leviathans, and the septas and septons are all dining at the latin orc bistro

it's getting crowded in there