#oscillating between self obsession and self pity every two weeks or so i’m actually so fucking over it hahaha
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not being able to fit in even with the groups of ppl who don’t fit in lol sometimes it feels like this high school mentality will never end.
#ranting in the tags#not that it matters but i’m sensitive so i’m gonna complain no matter what#being called a loner all your life then turning it into some kind of badge of honor#bc it’s the only way not being able to click with or connect with ppl stings less#it only works for so long. and when it stops working… lol. just kinda sucks ig.#like every negative trait i was told i have is just reinforced bc duh!!! ding ding ding it’s all making sense ofc ppl don’t wanna talk to u!#i don’t talk enough or make a good effort or i talk too much and make no sense or come off as rude#and either way i’m off putting and it just takes too much effort to be around me#it’s like i make peace with these things and then one fucking thing happens and i’m being slammed back to 15 year old bella mentality again#it’s so exhausting and i’m so tired of being upset that i’m not good at like being a normal functioning fucking person#and ppl try and connect with me but i just give absolutely nothing in return bc i don’t know how to!!!#genuinely like how do ppl just talk to each other? how do you all have friends and make it look so easy and natural#like it’s obviously probably easy and natural bc it’s supposed to be and for some reason i just like… can’t?#okay. whatever#doesn’t matter anyway i’ll go on living#just hate being sad over this. it feels so lame lol.#oscillating between self obsession and self pity every two weeks or so i’m actually so fucking over it hahaha#but it’s cool. i’m cool. rant over 😚#bella complains
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