#pandemic really fucked up my healthcare and then i moved house 7 times between august 2020 and september 2022

[trans-cuchulainn]

real talk on the "access to healthcare" thing I have been to the hospital four times in the past month (two departments), had one online appointment with a specialist, and i have two different online appointments tomorrow. oh and I am seeing a dentist next week for the first time since 2019. admittedly one of the online appts tomorrow is one i had to pay through the nose for (goddamn gender healthcare) and the dentist may charge me lots of money depending on how bad the whole gum disease situation turns out to be but the others are free and all in all i am DOING A HEALTHCARE, okay, I am attempting to look after this meatsack as much as I can while I actually have a fixed address and before the NHS collapses entirely

[herefortayloronly]

folklore first impressions

i just want to preface this post with WHAT THE FUCK TAYLOR? For the past couple of months i’ve been trying to get back into the grooves of things after self-isolation and finding a new routine. Just when i thought things were getting back to normal (as normal as it can get with people still getting sick and things are still close down of course), taylor decides to say SURPRISE! i’m not gonna lie, when this annoucement was made, i was still in bed and asleep. my best friend texted me a picture with one “omg”. When i saw the picture i was like “oh no, what happened to taylor”. but then i read the caption and i woke the fuck right up. I feel like we all know how I feel, just like the rest of swifties. so I’m just gonna jump straight into the songs because this is going to be long.

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the 1 - this song is really interesting when you think of it as an introduction to all the characters you’re about to meet in the album and also the feelings you’re about to endure listening to the songs. 

cardigan - this song is easily my favorite song on the album. so the first listen, it didn’t really hit me but immediately listening to it the second time and watching the music video, i literally broke down. something about it is so hauntingly beautiful, it’s mature but also very classic taylor. something about it is so effortless and freeing. the use of piano (something that is gonna come up more in later songs) is so interesting and different for taylor. this one is definitely going to be on my top ten.

the last great american dynasty - as the song went along, i figured she was talking about her house in rhode island especially when she literally said rhode island lol. But when the line “and then it was bought by me“ hits. i literally got chills. it was such beautiful storytelling and songwriting. 

exile - i know there are people who don’t love it when taylor collaborates and have feature artists but when she has a feature artist that just works with her voice and create beautiful lyrics, magic happens! although i like all of collabs to different degrees, i can only say with my whole chest that The Last Time with Gary Lightbody is the best collab she has ever done. exile with Bon Iver is a close second. the back and forth between the two singers reminds me so much of The Last Time. the way their voice just balance each other out. it’s great.

my tears ricochet - i want this song play at my funeral. it is so haunting and tragic. but also full of anger and resentment. the way the song keeps building and building throughout gives me chills. another top favorites of mine. i’ve seen so many interpretations of this song and i think that’s why this song is so wonderful. it really hits in all different ways.

mirrorball - i feel like this song is so perfect for when you’re high or drunk. it is so groovy and chill and mellow. and while it sounds like a fun song, it’s also kinda taylor admitting that she has a problem with how she perceives herself. and the fact that she compares herself to a mirrorball because she knows that her own fault is trying to please everyone, trying to fit in. it’s a little sad but also comforting to know that she recognize that.

seven - another song that uses the piano so beautifully. this song reminds me so much of me and the group of girl friends i had in elementary school. something about that childhood nostalgia and how young friendships shape your childhood. i have a lot of love for them but i don’t talk to them anymore and i wouldn’t consider them close friends. but that’s okay because the memories and friendships were great. 

august - i just want to take a drive down the beach with the windows down while blasting this song! although the sound gives off a free and bright vibe, there’s also something bittersweet about it. it sounds like this person is yearning and hoping for something, and reminiscing on the nice memories and realizing that they are no more. it’s almost tragic.

this is me trying - The lyrics of this song is so sharp and tight but for some reason I can’t get into it. but i do love the imagery in the song. there’s a sense of desperation and eagerness and it’s also a little self-deprecating.

illicit affairs - i love the imagery in this song about a relationship that just ruins you. it didn’t just break your heart but it affects that way you see other parts of your life. 

invisible string - this song is so precious and sweet and whimsical. really reinforces her love for this person and i love that even with all the other songs this song is just a nice glimpse into their relationship. and i love this idea that fate is the reason why they are together. but not just fate, it’s also their past and their relationships with other people. 

mad woman - this song is fire!! another great use of the piano. i love this song is about women being mad and that’s okay and there’s a reason why women get mad. women being mad isn’t an irrational thing and she’s not overreacting. and when women do get bad, there’s passion there.

epiphany - i love the perspective of this song is of someone fighting because they are trying to protect the great good. i think this song is also a great tribute to all the essential workers and healthcare workers fighting in the frontline during the covid pandemic. 

betty - i love that this song is from the perspective of a person who cheated. i think taylor has been cheated on many times in her life and to see her step into the shoes of the cheater is really fascinating. this is another songs that proves taylor doesn’t have to know or feel a certain type of emotions to fully capture that perspective. she’s able to create a world and a narrative from just knowing how she wants to portray a certain emotion.

peace - so i said this song is similar to Dancing With Our Hands Tied and The Archer. it reminds me of taylor’s talking about her fears and troubles in a relationship. but also about how she has learned that she is okay with those fears now because she realized they don’t have to dictate her life and she’s not alone. in a way this song makes me happy and sad. it makes me happy because she’s in a place where she knows she wants to be with someone for the rest of her life and she found that forever love. it also makes me sad because she will always worry and be haunted by these past scars. and lets talk about the style of this song. this is the soft rock john mayer vibes that i always wanted taylor to do, so i love that she’s experimenting with that and i hope she does a rock album one day! i also think this is the first love song where she’s not just talking about how she felt but also how the other person feels. the other person also feels a sense of insecurities.

hoax - in the same vein as peace, i think this song is also about how two people in a relationship can be extremely hurt but still find ways to make sure to hold each other up. my favorite line in the song is “you have beaten my heart”. there is a really interesting double meaning to that line that i think holds so much weight. the person has beaten her heart as in he has hurt her in some way but he also has won her heart and also made it beat again.

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if you are here to see where i rank all of taylor’s album, you will be disappointed. i try my best not to rank her albums because i love all of her albums one way or another. they are all unique and hold a special place in my heart in different ways. i do have vague placements for them but at the end of the day, i love all of them. the best thing about taylor and being a fan of taylor is that i never have to pick one album to listen to and i don’t have to favor one over the other. if i am in the mood for a certain sound or style, i can choose from her catalog. i’m also not going to be insulting or trashing past albums because people have decided that folklore is her magnum opus. i can acknowledge that folklore is one of her best albums without bringing down other albums. i love each and every single album. it is impossible to rank and pick and choose among eight albums.

i’ve have the pleasure of witnessing taylor’s career for 10 years, since speak now. to see her go through so many changes, growth and hardships is really a sight to see. people are going to say this album is sad and tragic but i disagree. it isn’t the same sadness like how Red is sad. it’s more freeing and accepting. the sadness isn’t holding her back like in Red, it is actually pushing her to do and say things she probably wouldn’t have said before.

also this album isn’t meant to redefine a genre. It’s not meant to be something new, i’m sure there are plenty of artists doing something similar. taylor is just doing what she does best, incorporating all the best parts of her, her storytelling, songwriting, beautiful melodies, catchy hooks and putting a twist to it with a completely new production. i think that’s something very special about taylor. she’s just let music and ideas flow and always so open to experimentation. the fact that she’s arrived in this moment with this album is very special. 

the fact that she is able to create these characters and stories. this is why she’s an amazing writer, not because she writes about her own experience but because she can write about anything. goes to show how her mind works and how she operates. she doesn’t have to draw from her experience, she gets inspired by everything.

as for rankings. something really fun i did this time is keeping track of my rankings to see where each song moves. so i did a list for after 2 full listens, after 20 hours (this is friday 7/24 night) and 44 hours (saturday 7/25 night).  and because i didn’t finish this post saturday night i added in sunday’s 7/26 ranking as well. it’s really fun to see which song i was drawn to that day. 

as you can see, cardigan is a constant number one for me. it is the song of the album. i think a really good example of a song that grew on me after a while is peace. i think this song is definitely secured its spot among the top 5 of the album once it’s all said and done. in my opinion, anything after #10 i love them but it speaks to how really good this album is because it’s really hard after ranking 10 songs. the most notable thing is the recurring songs on the bottom, epiphany, mirrorball, illicit affairs, and this is me trying. now i actually love epiphany and illicit affairs, again speaks to how much i love the other songs and how great this album is. this is me trying is a song that i enjoy listening to but i don’t seek it out. i don’t crave listening to it but i do like it alot and i love the meaning of it. same with mirrorball, i love it but i’d have to be in the mood for it. all that said, right now i can say for 100% sure that cardigan, peace and my tears ricochet are my top favorites of the album. while the others are gonna keep moving with more listen and time. 

this album is really meant for taylor. she really is born to write an album like this. even though there are songs that aren’t personal and directly about taylor, she’s able to leave bits and pieces of herself, how she feels and her emotions in those songs. and i think that’s why not only is she a good writer but she’s also a good messenger. her voice and her delivery is one of my favorite things about her and the reason i love listening to her and her music. and this album emphasize that and highlight that talent. no other pop artists will be able to pull off an album like this and that’s why this album is made for taylor.