#patty o'furniture

[themuselesswriter]

Evan Peters Color Palette - American Horror Story

Okay so I did a thing, just look at those beautiful colors! And Tate feels straight out of The Fairly OddParents.

[evanpetersbr]

Evan Peters in 2023! ✨

[m4g0rtz]

Today's polish is unlike anything else in my collection. It's a flakey bomb, but with a clear base. So in certain lighting it looked transparent and in other lighting it looked completely opaque. I'm curious how this one would look as a topper. I will definitely have to try that at some point. This is Patty O'Furniture from Bee's Knees Lacquer.

[do-geese-see-god]

I found out that my boss, Patty, didn't like it when I called her Patty O'Furniture.

So I did it more. With a huge exaggerated Irish accent. And I got the other employees doing it, too. Sometimes I miss working there.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

whoever was reading my blog from ballwin and st. louis missouri at the beginning of october should step up to the mic

Evan drop the curl routine. And your pants, while you're at it. Thank you and God bless

the atheism leaving my body when i saw evan's ass jiggle in that metallic getup as patty o'furniture

[monikeroboogie]

What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs above a window? Curt and Rod. What do you call an Irish guy with no arms and no legs on a porch? Patty O'Furniture.

[cowboyhorsegirl]

patty o'furniture

[stripesofbrooklyn]

I'm having a day so enjoy this joke

Who is the first crazy Irishman you see in the spring?

Patty O'Furniture

"Oh nice."

[what-i-call-men]

Make a Mess of You

Austin x Gn!Reader

Prompt: You meet Austin at a drag night at the muse.

Warnings: SMUT, I have it marked as gn reader but they do top Austin so they will have a dick (Either a strap on or a penis), Austin being a bottom, messing up austins makeup.

AN: this is my entry for @americxn ‘s writing contest. Also, the reader receives oral in a very general sense in case you may be picturing someone using a strap on.

“Liar.” “that was the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard.”

proof read by: @divineruler and @netscapenobody

P-town was definitely a change of pace for you. Yes you had been here a few times before but that was usually in the summer when everything was bright and full of color. Usually there would be a packed dance floor and dollars thrown at you like you were in a hurricane. To say you were a popular drag performer wouldn’t necessarily be a lie.

When you walked towards the bar today though everything felt gray, cold and unwelcoming. They had called you in to hopefully raise some funds for the bar and you agreed, wanting to help out those that made you the most during the summer. Your drag name was plastered on the outside of the building along with a few other local performers.

Walking in, you greeted the bartender and walked to the back room, passing a few guests on the way- usually it was those who were unaware there was even a drag show tonight and were in for the shock of their lives when other guests poured in.

Setting up, you were the first one in the back stage, usually because you were a bit of a perfectionist- wanting to take your time to get into your makeup and outfits. As you worked on your makeup, you heard a few clunky footsteps and a knock on the wall before you saw a man standing in the entrance way. “I was told I should come back here to get ready.” He said and walked towards the small set ups in the corner.

“Right place. I’m y/n.” You said and turned back to your mirror. “Name’s Austin.” He said and plopped down to begin doing his own thing. “You new Austin? I haven’t seen you around here before?” You asked and he shrugged. “Kinda just between jobs right now and trying to get groceries for the week.” He muttered and you nodded. “I know the feeling, hun.”

You continued on with your makeup for a few minutes, humming a bit to yourself as you saw Austin moving around in the corner of your eye, first doing some makeup, then unpacking some of his clothing, then makeup again. He was pretty disorganized but you really couldn’t blame him- you could tell he was new and knowing the queens in this town he most likely didn’t have a drag family. You knew drag was only really a time filler for most in p-town- something that requires just some makeup and personality that could make you a couple hundred in one night.

As you watched Austin look through his bag for a fifth time to pull another thing out you just smiled at him. “What do you do for a living other than drag?” You asked, hoping maybe it was something a bit more promising. Austin leaned over towards his mirror to work on his makeup. “I want to compose a musical. Getting to Broadway would be the goal.” He said and you glanced at him from the corner of your eye as you lined it.

“Liar.” You chuckled and he let out a laugh. “Not lying.” He said and you put your eyeliner down. “I’ve always wanted to sing on broadway. Not many roles for someone that looks like me though.” You smiled at him as he smiled at you, obviously a bit more comfortable than before.

“I’d love to hear you sing some time. Maybe after the show?” Austin offered and you grinned a bit before picking up your makeup again, laughing to yourself a bit. “I think if you and I were alone I wouldn’t be doing much singing.” You said and stood up from your spot, walking further into the room where you had hung up your outfit.

He sputtered for a second, glancing at you in his mirror before going back to apply his makeup. You turned and looked at him as you carefully pulled your top off to avoid your makeup, turning to pull on your top for the show. “Do you want some help?” You asked as you watched him pull out a pretty ratty wig and try to brush it out. He let out a sigh and nodded.

You walked over and helped him put the wig on himself, showing him your trick to gluing it down. You then stood behind him, half changed, helping restyle the wig as he did more of his makeup look. Every once and a while you’d catch him looking up at you in the small mirror in front of him. Once his hair looked relatively better, you moved to sit against the desk in front of him.

You looked at him and grabbed a q-tip to clean up his lipstick a bit. “You know, if you ever need a drag family to help you out with your growth, I’d be happy to help.” You said and he looked up at you with big hopeful eyes. “Really?” He asked and you laid your hand on top of his. “Of course. But if I'm gonna help, you have to shave this stubble next time.” you said and ran your thumb over his chin stubble gently.

Other than you obviously flirting with him, he became pretty shy, but luckily receptive to your flirts. As you kept your thumb on his chin, he stared up at you, leaning forward just a little bit towards you. “Save it for later, I just fixed your lipstick.” You said with a smirk.

“Y/n… I couldn’t care less about the lipstick.” He whispered gently and you just smirked, standing up from the desk and walking back towards your costume. “There’s a bathroom back here no one else knows about.” You said and that was all he needed to hear before standing up and walking over to you, pressing his lips to yours as you grabbed his shirt, pulling him in and backwards towards the bathroom.

Getting in, you pushed him against the door and locked it as you ran your hands up under his shirt. He pulled it off of himself, carefully avoiding the makeup on his face. “Don’t even bother avoiding that makeup, I'm gonna mess it up anyways.” You whispered and started to kiss along his neck. He let his head fall back against the door as you sucked a small mark on his neck. Austin let out a small whimper as you pushed yourself against him.

“I’m surprised you’re not the type to be the lead in your own musicals, considering that was the prettiest sound I’ve ever heard.” You said and he blushed a bit. “I still have yet to hear you though.” Austin said and knelt down. “Be my guest.” You whispered as he fumbled with your jeans for a second before moving them and quickly putting his mouth to work on you.

You ran your hand through his hair and leaned back against the sink behind you. Pulling on his hair a bit, you both let out a moan, The lipstick he had applied was definitely a mess by now and you rolled your hips to gently fuck his face. You let out some strangled moans as he brought you towards your orgasm quickly.

Your hips thrust towards Austin’s face as he glanced up towards you. “God, you look so good between my legs.” You muttered and you could tell he smiled a bit as he continued to try to get you towards orgasm. You threw your head back as Austin’s mouth pushed you over the edge, your eyes closing only for a second before you remembered the sight of the man below you was so much better.

As he pulled away, you could see how hard he had gotten. You Helped him stand back up and he pushed his lips against yours again as you reached forwards to pull his pants off. Pulling away you blinked up at him slowly. “I wanna fuck you so bad.” You whispered and he smiled a bit, your hand reaching up to his cheek to gently smear the lipstick a bit more onto his cheek.

“Please.” was all Austin had to whisper before you pulled him back towards you and turned so he was pushed against the sink that was just behind you. You stood behind him and glanced up at him in the mirror, pushing the wig off of his shoulder so you could look over it. Your hands reached around him, one hand landing on his cock, the other grabbing the wig gently and pulling his head back.

Removing your hand from his wig, you grabbed one of the condoms that was in the drawer below the sink, quickly undoing it and rolling it onto your dick. Austin let his head fall forwards as you pushed the tip of your cock against him and slowly pushed yourself in. He bit his lip as you got far enough in to begin to slowly thrust. Your hand that was wrapped around his cock squeezed him.

He let his head roll back against your hand that was grasped in his hair. He let out a small whimper as you finally pushed your cock all the way in, pausing for him to adjust for a moment. You began to thrust, picking up a tempo as you caught a glance of him in the mirror. He looked blissed out, his eyes rolled a bit in his head, and his makeup was a mess. His lipstick was smeared all across his face and his eye makeup was smeared on his cheeks.

You picked up the speed with your thrusts, Austin’s hushed moans now getting a bit louder. Your hand pumped his cock as you watched him take your own so well. “Fuck baby, you’re taking me so well. Tell me how good you feel.” You grunted out at him and he smiled a bit as your grip on his hair tightened.

“You feel so good, holy shit.” He groaned, his hips now pushing back to meet your thrusts. “Fuck I’m close already.” He grunted and you squeezed his cock a bit as you began to sharpen your thrusts into him, hitting a bit deeper and harsher against him. You let go of his hair and grabbed his hip, pulling him back onto your dick.

His head fell forward a bit as his moans became a bit loud. His mouth fell agape as he let a shiver run down his spine. After only a couple more pumps of his cock he was gasping and toppling over the edge, letting you work him through his orgasm, your own following close behind as he fell against the sink counter.

After a few moments of you two catching your breath, he glanced at himself in the mirror. “Now that you ruined my makeup, can you at least help me fix it?” he asked and you let out a laugh, pulling your cock out of him. “Of course. And maybe I can help you mess it up again after the show.” You laughed as he turned back around, pulling your lips back against his quickly before you could go back out to finish getting ready.

[ideeylic]

Austin Sommers I love you

[capuletoo]

Only if you sing it- Austin Sommers

note: I'm back hehe remember when I say i was going to be more active...anyway Austin fic. I don't consider this a fanfic because i focus more on the reader-kind of-idk also this is very close to my heart, so i hove you enjoy it. Might write part 2. Also, what happened at the end of the fic ;))

TW: alcohol, sex(??

Words: 796

Sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language.

He pours a third or fourth glass of the expensive wine you brought. Everything, is too dizzy already. You know is down when you lost count on fervent glasses.

“What is something you wanted to do but never did?” Austin asks, his lips parted into a cherry wine stained smile.

He's nothing but success and famous among normal people. Ordinary and boring people come here to find inspiration, to find their muse, but never succeeding on the task. Austin did. He found it, but being talented had a cost, it needed something in return.

You reply, and he throws puffs of smoke combined with laughter. He's not sad like most people are, specially with the winter air flowing around.

He's determined, you ask yourself how he has his life figured out. But he doesn't.

You remembered the time you met him.

Knives and forks, scrapping plates. Just a pianist from the inside playing. He was just someone below about to sing.

You were new in town, trying to write your next song, never finding the right words. A notebook on the table surrounded by drinks, you wrote everything he did, but not in your handwriting. Forcing something to come out of a pen. Ink staining the notebook sheets that will soon stain your hands.

Austin stepped off the stage, his footsteps towards you.

“What do you want to be in the future?” He asked. His words have been wise ever since.

No one is really wise in real life, strangers don't just come and ask you questions like that, but was he really a stranger?

They were sitting together alone in a table. You left with him right before the sunrise, when the sky was a vivid shade of orange and blue. When he asked that your cheeks grow red. Was it so noticeable? You couldn't help smile but stopped, because you knew if you did he would ask what you were smiling about.

You paused and though about your answer for a second, “I'm not sure, I want to be someone that can do it all”

He played with his drink and said with a smile. “You can”

Later on, Austin asked if he could read your notes. You passed him the notebook, embarrassed of what he could find in it. Drafts of songs lay withing the pages while he flipped them through, he was a songwriter, maybe he could help.

That was months ago, and now you know his secret.

“Write the song” Austin says as he takes another sip of wine. You don't ask him how he knows about it. The pill is laying inside his drawer, we don't have time for questions.

Write the song. “Only if you sing it” You reply. He doesn't laugh this time. His gaze pierces you through

If you say yes out loud, then it would happen. He would reach out to the table where he keeps the pills, handing one to you like he had already done.

“Oh darling,” He says, “No one can sing your truth for you”

“That's fine” You say, but it's not.

He had the curse in his hands, Austin want you to have it, he thinks you deserve it, that you need it. It took everything you had to stop yourself from saying that you don't care about any of the results of taking the pill, but you and him knew that deep down you were willing to risk it all. Even if you turned into a lifeless soul.

You took the pill.

He was the last face you saw being ordinary, and probably the last you'll ever see. You want to wrap him up and inhale the jet black smoke until he accepts writing the song with you

Austin handed you a drink. One more drink and you are gone, and you wondered if he had noticed. The water in vodka making no color, transparent.

You grabbed your notebook and started writing, nothing but words on a paper. You didn't know your words could cut like jagged glass. Both of you were young back then, switching from pencils to ball pens like upgrades, like success.

“Metalheads are said to be incredibly gentle in bed” He said.

“Is this why you are trying to get me drunk?” You replied.

“Darling, you brought the booze” He says and throw your heads back towards the sky. Exhale laughter and inhale blazing winter sun.

“Say it again,” He says without moving his lips. Only if you sing it.

You write it, but you can't erase ballpen words with rubber. And sometimes you can't erase spoken words either.

You were there, and then you were not, no ring shaped marks on skin, no smeared black, no smell of ink, no body fluids, only the taste tattooed on his tongue.

[themuselesswriter]

Top, Bottom or Switch - Even Peters: American Horror Story Edition

You know how I do stupid shit when I'm left unsupervised? Here it is! lmao, enjoy and suffer.

Kai Anderson - Switch

He's a switch, he's the type of a guy who wants you to think he's in command but yell at him a couple of minutes and throw him on a bed and you will find him being a submissive b!tch, he'd whine about it, he'd try to take control but he won't try that hard, he has a name calling kink, and definitely a slapping and spanking kink. 

Kyle Spencer - Bottom

He's just too good and kind to be a top, he's the type of guy who would apologize for hours if he spanked you by mistake, and his whole zombification doesn't help his case since he became 90% more submessive because of it. 

Tate Langdon - Top

Leather kink, that's all I need to say. He's a top, he usually takes charge of things even when no one really asks him and even though he really messes things up, a terrible trait in life but definitely good in bed for him.

Austin Sommers - Bottom

That's a sneaky arse bottom for you! He's not confortational person, he needs lots of guidance in life (aka Belle Noire) he has a mommy kink, likes older people, a little cross dressing and being bossed around. 

Rory Monahan - Switch

He's a green flag, he's not afraid to show his vulnerability, he doesn't mind giving away control and taking control when needed, he's gentle and delicate, he tries his best to make the whole experience delicate, enjoyable and funny. 

Patty O'Furniture - Bottom

That's a bottom, in denial but definitely a bottom, he's into praise kink, tell him that he's worth something and he's game, and yes, I know Patty is a five minutes character but with that dance he did, he earned his spot here. 

Kit Walker - Top

He's a nice top, very autherarian, he's good at multi-tasking and he's not afraid to try something new and he almost never crosses boundaries, he's not a fan of spanking and bondage because he's traumatized but he does enjoy playing rough every now and then. 

Malcolm Gallant - Bottom 

That's a b!tchy bottom right there, he's into literally anything you throw at him, he's not afraid of experimenting, he's into pain play, leather, bondage, pet play, literally anything as long as you give him some attention. 

Edward Mott - Bottom

That's a bottom who tries to act like a top but fails misterably at it, he's an anxious bottom though, so his top would definitely need to take away his control so he could unwind and relax. 

Jimmy Darling - Top

Now although he doesn't mind switching position because he's so desperate for validation but he vibes top 97% of the time, he's not to be fully trusted as a top as he can get carried away sometimes, but like, he means well. 

James Patrick March - Bottom

I know what you guys think, but you wanna convince me that he wasn't the Countess's little play thing? Or that he wasn't really turned on by the idea of someone taking control of him and telling him what to do? He gives off Top vibes but really, he's a bottom. 

Jeff Pfister - Top 

He gives off rich white boy jerk vibe who doesn't have the emotional depth to be a bottom or a switch, also he seems a bit too invested in this whole "alpha male" bullshit, therefore, I deem him a not very good top. 

And of course, we can't let this go without some science and science charts

[evanpetersbr]

📸 New/old photo of Evan Peters behind the scenes of Dahmer.

[ahslilmonsters]

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

"the atheism leaving my body when i saw evan's ass jiggle in that metallic getup as patty o'furniture"

the only flaw in these new photos is that there is no photo from the back or from the side so that we can be blessed with his ass 😭

yes 💔

[somethingvicked]

Patty ... or PATTERN?

😄Austin told us that men has dressed up in women’s clothing since the ancient Greeks. 

Evan may not be ancient but he has a history: 

And now:

😄 

(I’m absolutely not meaning anything bad with this! I’m really happy he’s a guy that’s so open-minded and can do anything in the name of his job!)