#paul and julie. elle and robert. riley and didge. now David and Leo

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

bestie, i need to know where your mind is at when it comes to this whole thing with leo and how you're rotating your mind :))

i've got a lot of thoughts of my own on this, namely that leo told that weird story about trying to fly when he was a child at david's funeral and how out of place that speech actually was, his comments in the past about david being the golden child while he was treated as a monster, leo forgiving paul (he could be pretending but i don't think so) and only referencing david when he was talking about how much paul had hurt HIM and so much more...

but i need to know what you're thinking :)

its an random story to tell, especially when leo already told a way better story back in 2019 about how David always played handball even when he was like. shit at it or whatever. why not tell that story again? why tell this weird story about...you. To me, I would say it's because flight, and flying away are very typical metaphors for escape, and wanting to escape. perhaps on purpose or not, leo's vision of his childhood is just...one long wish to be somewhere else as louise glück once said. And David was the thing that kept him there, or that prevented his escape by telling him he can't really fly. Something like that, if i was a pretentious overanalyser. which I am.

I think part of it is that I've always been a bit obsessed with the idea of 'living with it'. And this is like the ultimate case of how do I live with this?

I mean, look. David sucked when he came back. He lied to leo's face and left him. He punished Leo for something he didn't have any part in and didn't even tell him why. He told Leo to his face he thinks he's dangerous for Krista. he's mopey and selfish. he makes Leo run interference on Paul without even telling him what he's angry at Paul about. How can you look at that and see Leo as anything other than second, third or fourth place in Davids life?

Then David is gone and Leo...Is okay, actually. Yes he's sad at first because that was his twin brother but when he waits for the real grief to come it just doesn't. He's relieved actually. He's not carrying David around like a weight around his ankles. He can breathe without having to worry about David's judgement. Everyone around him is deeply grieving but Leo...is okay. He's going to work. He's looking after his daughter. He's even going to visit his mother. I've mentioned before that I think he was lying when he said he was 'letting it all out' at his mothers house...Well what if that is because there's nothing TO let out? He comes home, and Paul is being nice to Krista now and Leo well...He still loves Paul. That hasn't changed. Forgiving Paul for what happened to David is easy when he's not that angry anymore. Because he realizes maybe the thing he was angry about is less about David and more that Paul was willing to put Krista in danger? This is all baseless speculation of course here's the real part I am fascinated by -

David died because he LOVED Leo. Now how the hell are you meant to live with that when you wake up one morning horrified to realize you're RELIEVED your brother died? Leo didn't ask David to die for him, he just did it and now Leo has to live with that. Doesn't that fascinate you? It fascinates me! David died and now Leo has to live with it. He has to live with carrying his dead brother up a mountain. He has to live with the 'david died to save leo' and he never asked David to so that. he's glad to not be dead of course but he never asked for this and now it's his life. Is it David's fault? Maybe. But Leo's still the one living with it. Oh the angst potential is delicious!

And on a side note. To talk briefly about Cameron because of course I am going to talk about the triplets. Cameron hated Robert, and I dont think Elle hates him but Neighbours has drawn a lot of parallels between Leo and Elle/Cameron but NOT Leo and Robert. that's kinda interesting, aint it?