#peri’s advice column

[butchdaydreams]

I saw your post about being disabled and honestly you don’t seem like it. Are you really disabled or are you just another white person with adhd trying to claim oppression points to relieve some of your guilt? Idk, just something to think about before you go claiming things on the internet

I was about to delete this but then decided to use you as an example of exactly what not to do. It’s incredibly rude to anonymously go into someone’s inbox demanding their medical history as proof that they are disabled.

Medical histories are something that a lot of people like to keep private because of the unfair treatment that often comes once they are disclosed. I’m not about to share it with thousands of strangers on the internet because one person too cowardly to show their face thinks that I need to be knocked down a peg because of one (1) ask I answered literal weeks ago

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

sorry if this is out of your scope but i was wondering if you had advice to make researching surgeons (peri if that makes a difference) less intimidating for someone with adhd/asd? there's so much information and i get overwhelmed so easily that i just end up staring at the screen =( maybe there's an easier way to go about it? sorry for the trouble ;;

Lee says:

I also have ADHD & ASD!

First, you gotta get organized. Make a spreadsheet in Google Sheets or Excel or a folder on your computer or something to keep track of your surgeon search. As you go along, fill in the surgeon’s name, their address, their office’s contact window, whether they take your insurance, etc, and include a column for your impressions on their results from your interaction with the trans community and a column for your notes from your consult. In another tab, keep track of your insurance company stuff— who you’ve talked to, their callback number, what they said, what date you spoke to them, etc.

After the prep work in getting your notes ready, I’d recommend starting with your insurance company because only certain surgeons will be in-network with your plan.

It’s possible to have surgery with an out-of-network surgeon, but it’ll likely be more expensive unless you can get an exemption to have an out-of-network provider covered at in-network rates because the in-network providers aren’t able to do the procedure you need or have undesirable results, etc, but going down that path is a lot of hassle so I would only look into it if you’re unsatisfied with your in-network options.

Usually the list of plastic surgeons who provide top surgery for trans folks and are in-network with your insurance plan isn’t very long.

Depending on your particular insurance plan and where you’re located, you could have a list of around 1 to 15 options, but usually it’s around 3-7 folks.

When you figure out which surgeons are in-network, contact their office and ask them if they are experienced in performing periarolar chest masculinization top surgery for transgender patients. Then re-confirm that they accept your insurance, and ask about their policy for revisions.

If the surgeon’s office says yup, they offer that procedure, then pivot your focus to look at whether they have good reviews from folks in the trans community.

I’d start with looking for people’s posts about their experiences with that surgeon on the Reddit top surgery forum, the Top Surgery Removal/Reduction Facebook group, and TransBucket.

Then move to asking trans folks in your area IRL. You’re probably not the only trans person in your area so try and network and find your local trans folks! Support groups and LGBTQ organizations might be good options to start with.

I found out about the surgeon who did my hysto from a trans guy I met at a support group who had his hysto recently with the surgeon.

You could also ask your primary care provider and/or your testosterone prescriber if you’re on T because there’s a chance they have had trans patients before and know which surgeons are good.

There are plenty of local surgeons at local hospitals that don’t have big social media presences and don’t market themselves to the trans community but take insurance and do a lot of top surge for folks in the area.

If you’re lucky, you’ll find a surgeon or two who does the procedure you’re looking for, provides good aftercare, has a good rep in the community having good results and not being sketchy, and accepts your insurance.

Then you can get a referral from your primary care provider if you need one for insurance reasons, bring your WPATH-SOC compliant letters, and schedule a consultation with both of your two good options. That way you can compare what they tell you and make sure you have a second opinion on the matter.

If both are genuinely equally good and you felt equally comfortable with both, choose whichever surgeon is closest to you because not having to travel will save you money and time.

Our top surgery page has more info on finding a surgeon.

[nexstage]

LIMBO SILVAM - PART 8 (2/3)

"--ow!" Again the same female voice, but now it sounded a bit clearer. Lapis recognized it.

It was Connie's.

"--p, --le!" that other one was Bismuth's.

This made no sense at all. Why was she hearing Connie and Bismuth yelling? And why whatever they were talking about sounded so distorted, fragmented?

"I need to get out of here. This confusion isn't helping me" Lazuli tried to will her mind to wake her body up, or change the void in her subconscious for something better, but nothing.

Then the maddening laughter. Though it grew louder and louder, and the more time Lapis heard it, the more sore her whole body felt. Her arms and legs were stiff as boards, her chest was closing slowly, panick and pain mixed together were consuming her mind.

Crack... Crack... Crack

What was this? Did she hear well? Something was cracking. She couldn't move. It was like she was being tore apart from the inside, disintegrating oh so painfully while the laughter reverberated in her ears.

"STOP! Just shut up!" Lazuli shouted desperately to no avail. The pressure increased, like a huge hand grasping her in a sadistic hold. Wanting for her to experience the torture.

"Laz" Wait, was that Peridot? "Laz, come on, wake up! Don't leave me!" It was her! With all her might, Lapis fought the painful strikes. More and more until blinding light consumed her.

--------------------

The blue gem opened her eyes in a snap, meeting Peridot's tear-stained gaze. Without giving her time to ask what was going on, the engineer tackled her romantic partner in a bear hug and kissed her profusely.

Lapis' mind went into Error 404 after that. Attempting to process Peri's loving gesture but failing, and the symbolic butterflies in her stomach and chest weren't giving her any advice either, but a satisfied part of her didn't mind.

Peridot opened her eyes and went full shock for what she had done. Pulling away from Lapis, the little gem searched in her head for a decent apology, an excuse, anything to explain her sudden burst of affection and concern. Lazuli's lips, however, stopped her when they met hers smoothly, the svelte gem smiled at her in a way that made Peridot's cheeks and shoulders blush.

"You don't look that good" Lapis' statement matched the seriousness in her face that had replaced her happy expression because of the kiss. Peridot grimaced while looking at her body. There were much more gray splotches and dark veins replacing the green of her skin than before, but it wasn't like Lapis was faring well. The problem was how to tell her about the recent worsening of her condition.

"Although... You know, I'm happy that you liked my approach on you waking up... Y-You know, the kiss... Even when I'm happy for that, your condition is something we need to take care of. Lapis, your whole body was glitching madly, heck, I even thought you were going to poof or shatter. Your sudden coma lasted many minutes and I panicked, and I... I don't know what will be of you, but I fear this will endanger your life"

Again the Error 404 mode entered Lapis' system. She checked her arms, who were almost covered in gray spots, and -as Peridot had told her- her whole being was glitching. Irregularly, erratically and sometimes she could feel the pain.

"Stars..." that was the only thing she could say. Peri hugged her slowly to lessen the fear and stress she could perceive from her companion. Lapis got a hold on the gem's arms with despair, keeping her thing together to not yell with all her remaining strength.

"Laz, things might be looking terrible for us right now what with our bodies' conditions, but we're getting closer to the mountain. We just... We just have to keep going and hope for the best, just like Steven said. He is the one who taught us that. And once we're home, we'll laugh at this whole mess and enjoy each other's company now that we have figured out and confessed our feelings. Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

"Yeah, it would" slowly, she calmed down and smiled at her crush with gratitude "It would. Thanks, Peri"

The mechanic gave her a big, loving grin. With some difficulty, Lapis got up and looked at her surroundings; they still were in the ice tunnel, the blizzards could be heard at the exit with how strong the icy roaring was. Lazuli and Peri held each other's hands and walked to the other side of the tunnel. Lapis, again, carried Peridot in her back to climb down a little cliff at the end of the tunnel.

Hail and blizzard continued to obscure the horizon while they walked through the snow-y dunes. Some meters away, a bunch of rotten-wood buildings hardly visible because of the snow were found. They looked like houses but in such bad condition it seemed that something swallowed and vomited them.

"Oh oh" Peridot trembling voice was a sign for bad news, and Lapis didn't want to know what another problem they had to deal with but not knowing might potentially kill them. "What now, Peri?"

"Is that thing again!". It was, indeed. The horrible creature was flying at a very low height, its shapeless mass of a body almost touching the cold ground. The crimson light from its eyes checking for some foolish prey to hunt. And to top it all, both Crystal Gems were still too far away from one of the destroyed buildings to hide in.

"Let's dig! Let's dig quickly!" Peridot, in a rush of panick, dug a hole in the snow as if she were a dog. If they weren't in the middle of nowhere and in a deadly situation, Lapis would consider that image pretty funny and cute. Unfortunately, they were in an unknown place with mortal monsters ready to shatter them, so she helped the green gem to create a burrow-like hole before the beast found them.

The red light bathed their improvised refuge and luckily, it didn't notice them. However, that thing was still flying in circles at low height, sometimes very near them, other times very far away which didn't help at all with their anxiety.

"Now what? Unless one is ready to distract that thing, we'll never get out of here" mumbled Lapis.

"I have an idea, though it's more like an experiment. I read some human reports about Earth-creatures called moles that build a complex net of tunnels by digging underground. If we replicate that, in a more superficial level, of course, we can escape without being detected"

"By digging a tunnel... In the snow..." It was unorthodox, risky, but their only choice "Alright, we'll take turns to see if we're going in the right direction"

Peridot nodded and both started digging. Lapis cursed mentally due to her powerlessness, all this snow was a precious resource she could use to defeat that thing and create a series of stairs long and big enough for her and her companion to climb and reach the peak of the mountain. But no~! It seemed that the world and the whole universe decided to prank her by taking her powers away because they had nothing better to do.

As if being in the mirror wasn't bad enough, but at least back then she knew she still had her hydrokinesis, now though, Lapis needed to rely on her own hands to escape. The anger at the utter injustice gave her more energy than she thought, even when the blue gem didn't seem to see the change. She dug harder, faster, stronger, checking for the creature's movements whe it was her turn.

"Finally!" Peridot's abrupt yell bursted her bubble "Freedom is ours!"

It was funny, in the worst moment, to be honest. The blue gem was so caught up in her rage that she didn't know if Peri saw her glaring at the snow while digging, heck, she wasn't sure what was she doing at all with all the sudden energy her intense emotions gave her. It was like being in a trance. And because of being distracted like that, Lapis couldn't stop Peri from shouting in triumph and reveal herself and the other Crystal Gem to the monster they were trying to get away from.

The hideous beast observed impassively the fear-stricken gem whose eyes widened in shock for what she had done. "L-L-Look, over there! A clody prey to get!" Peri pointed behind the thing but it didn't budge.

The monstrosity roared powerfully and point-y, sharp tendrils came out from its body, directed to the helpless target. However, before making contact, Lapis got out from the improvised snow-tunnel, grabbed Peri's hand and rushed in a panick. The little gem almost felt like she was a ragdoll, her short legs could barely keep up the rhythm while they escaped through a new entrance and a mountain-made, narrow passage.

"Aaaaahhhhhh!" Peridot's free hand went to the injury in her leg, horrified at seeing that one of the monster's tendrils had pierced it. Lapis pulled her close to her chest, terrified of losing her. Unbeknownst to them, the other tendrils were getting closer, sneakily, at high speed, using the shadows of everything around them to gain strength. Then...

"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Lapis' shriek of pain was louder than Peridot's. Her stomach and neck stabbed by two tendrils at the same time. The blue gem's vision was getting blurry pretty quickly, her legs were losing energy at every second. Her companion, desperately, dragged her on her back while evading as best as she could the furious attacks of the beast.

The engineer then spot an antique arch, beyond that there were some weirds statues, more of those strange metal/dark rock bars, and some columns of rock. With all her might, she entered the new zone and went to her left, finding a hole in the near hills to hide from the creature. Peridot covered all the entrance with snow seconds before the monster appeared looking for them.

Minutes passed, though it felt like eternity for the little Crystal Gem, until she gathered enough courage to check her surroundings. She sighed in relief, the monster was gone.

Slap!

Peridot touched to her right cheek who now had a handprint on it and hurt as hell. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?!" she yelled at Lazuli, outraged.

Her fury didn't last after seeing the accusatory glare Lapis was giving her. She shrank and blushed embarrased, not knowing why until her romantic partner opened her mouth. "What the hell was that for?! For real?! How can you be so stupid?! We were supposed to escape that thing unnoticed, not to get ourselves killed! If it weren't for me, you'd be dead already!"

Peridot's eyes watered due to the gem's tirade. She wanted to protest but didn't found any good arguments to use. Lapis was right, this was supposed to be a stealthy task and she blew it. If the blue gem hadn't been fast enough, that monster would have gotten rid of them. Still it really hurt to be insulted like that and by the person she was closest to, but she was also too proud to show her vulnerability, so she poofed her chest and sniffed a bit to stop herself from crying.

A sigh escaped Lapis' mouth, her tired mind composing itself to not lose it again. Reflecting on what she had said, she grimaced at her harshness. Of course, Peridot made a mistake that could've costed their lives, but her outburst wasn't helping either, was it? She couldn't let the frustration and adrenaline blind her judgement and distance her from her crush, so, she approached Peridot to apologize.

The other thought another harsh reprimand or slap was going to come, but only got tender arms wrapped around her gently. "I'm sorry" the ocean gem said regretfully.

"I know what you did was foolish and we could've died because of that, but that doesn't give me the right to react this way. It's just... I was so scared when I saw you wounded by that thing... I didn't know what to do. All of this is too much... We don't know why it's happening to us or why our powers don't work, and it makes me so angry and frustrated even when I'm trying to be as positive as I can. And when I thought I was going to lose you... I lost it. But it isn't fair to lash out at you like that. I'm so sorry"

Waterfalls started falling from Peri's eyes as she wept uncontrollably, her sobs shaking even Lapis. The blue gem tightened the hug while mumbling 'It's ok' and 'I'm sorry' many times. After some minutes of exhausting crying, Peridot sniffed and rubbed at her eyes, unsure of looking at Lapis.

The silence between them got very awkward and uncomfortable. "Y-You clod" Peridot said to break the ice, and glared at Lazuli, still hurt by her words. The other Crystal Gem lowered her head in shame and then signaled to her left cheek, "If you want, you can slap me. Maybe it makes you feel better".

The former technician got surprised at this offer, but after thinking for a bit, she just threw a snowball at her companion and crossed her arms. The tense silence started again, but this time it was getting unbearable. Lapis didn't want that fight between them to destroy their new relationship, so she opted to apologize one more time.

"Peri, I--"

"I know getting that monster's attention sabotaged our plan, even if it was accidental, Lazuli" the blue gem felt like stabbed after hearing the second part of her name being pronounced in a snapping tone "I know I should've been more careful. But seriously, you d-didn’t have to--" her sentence was interrupted by the trembling of her lips and more tears escaping her eyes.

Lapis decided to take a leap of faith and held Peri's face delicately and sweetly. The other gem looked away, between anger and hurt, but didn't pulled away from her companion's hands. Then the blue gem kissed her slowly, lovingly which surprised the engineer. The gesture lasted some minutes until Lapis stopped and leaned her forehead on Peridot's. "It was foolish of you, yeah. But my reaction was uncalled for. I hurt you and I'm truly sorry. Can you forgive me?"

The green gem stayed silent, until she returned the kiss. Holding Lapis' face with both hands and with a serious expression she said, "You clod, of course I forgive you. We have forgiven each other for many idiotic things done in the past, remember? Can you-Can you forgive me too for putting us in danger?"

"Silly, there's nothing to forgive. It was an accident after all. But please, Peridot, please be more careful next time. We were so close to be killed back then, especially you. Don't die on me. You told me we can make it together"

"Especially me? You were stabbed in two different places! It's a miracle you're still standing!"

"That's why we need to be more stealthy and more attentive if we don't want a repeat of this incident. Protecting each other's back, ok?" Lapis smiled at her and placed her hand in the cheek with the handprint. Peridot blushed and grabbed the hand not to pull it away but caress it.

"I think that's the best course of action. Much more with how I performed in the tasks of escaping minutes ago" the engineer looked away bitterly, ashamed for that mistake. However, Lapis took her chin delicately and gave her a kind smile to comfort her, "Let's focus on the now instead of the past. We forgave each other already, the next step is coming back home in one piece"

The little gem got serious and determined, nodding with newfound energy. Her eyes then spot some disturbing phenomenom in Lapis' neck and stomach which she pointed while shouting in fear. The blue gem looked at her stomach first because doing the same for her neck was impossible. The zone where the sharp tendril had pierced was getting blacker with every second. A big splotch whose edges were stretching, elongating in thin, ondulated lines. Kind of like veins.

Morbid curiosity and shock got the best of her when the blue gem touched the wound and then a painful, intense glitch shook her whole body much to Peri's concern.

"Laz!" the other tried to approach her when she saw her romantic partner falling to the ground but her injured leg, with the sudden movement, glitched which broke the balance and Peri fell to the icy floor too.

The blue gem immediately went to see what was wrong on her crush after getting up. Horror hit her when she saw Peri's leg, it was suffering the same symptoms as her neck and stomach: a black splotch whose edges where enlarging in the form of veins. The glitching was also a big problem.

"Stupid, goddamn, umpredictable changes in our bodies! First we can't use our powers, then those weird gray spots that get larger and larger, our gemstones getting black with every second and NOW THIS!!! I swear if we don't find out why this is happening at the end of this journey I will shout until I poof!"

"Hehe... At least, we are still the same. Especially you" Lapis got up slowly, her companion acted quickly to help her in case another glitch attacked her "Let's not waste more time. We need to get out of here"

"The sooner the better" Peri uncovered the hole where they were hidden and got out, Lapis following her from behind. Both gazed in different directions of the landscape in fron ot them. Rocks, snake-shaped statues and dark metal signs littered the area. At their left there was a huge irregular column of rock, and a bit up from them, another old arch.

"Ok, so if we climb that column, we will reach the arch and keep advancing. Oh! There is another arch to the right of this column but I don't think it will lead us anywhere, because we need to go straight, so--"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Miss Compass. Go straight, don't derail, focus and don't die. I know the plan" Lapis sounded annoyed but there was a fond smile in her face. Without giving her warning, the blue gem put her crush on her back and went to the rocky wall of a mountain where the arch was located to start climbing. It was an advantage for her having watched that episode of Camp Pining Heart when Pierre climbed a hill to win a bet against a member of the rival team.

"Laz, are you really sure you can do this? Your condition isn't at its 100% AND your body is glitching. No offense, but I don't want us to fall if you glitch unexpectedly"

"It's ok, Peri. I'm still standing. Now let's go" her hand grabbed a sharp edge, then her feet got her impulse by placing them over a chunk of stone. Grab an edge, feet over a bit of rock, impulse, don't glitch, keep eyes and ears open. That was Lapis strategy to not fall; Peridot, on the other hand, kept watch in case that monster appeared again.

It felt surreal for both of them to go through this. More than the mystery of why they were stranded in a forest, why there was no sign of life except those somber creatures, it was overcoming adversity without their powers the real challenge they couldn't imagine to do, but were doing it anyway. It was strange, unconceivable, alien -what a great irony for an alien race, right?-, but most of all, humane. Such vulnerability and helplessness, being so fragile, was more familiar with humans than gems. The roles had been reversed though, and if they wanted to survive they needed to resort to other things than gem abilities.

"Ok...we are here... Stars, that... That was exhausting" Lapis panted, running a hand through her dark blue hair. Peri checked on her, in case her romantic partner poofed or something. Happily, it didn't happen but the glitching was getting worse.

"What about if we rest?" Peridot murmured, anxious for her companion's condition. Lapis shook her head as a 'no' answer and lent her hand to the green gem who took it despite her reservations. A narrow passage made by mountains and rocks was there and wherever it led them, both Crystal Gems only prayed it wasn't to a trap or the territory of those monsters. It was too much action and drama for their tastes.

A dense silence covered them while walking through the passage, their feet leaving footprints that the icy winds erased in minutes. Peridot stopped for a moment, her injured leg glitching, her gemstone giving her an unbearable headache. All her body experimented shivers that enlarged the gray spots and dark veins in it. 'Am I getting sick like humans? Is this what humans call fever or nausea?'

She fell to her knees not hearing Lapis' alarmed yell nor feeling her arms wrapped around her midsection. Her eyes were barely open while her mind was in another place.

"--p!" Uh?

"--op!" Was that Steven? Maybe she was hallucinating.

"--in... --is?" What was he saying? Why she couldn't understand?

"Can you say it again, Steven?" Peri asked weakly. One of her hands was raised, like trying to reach her friend who wasn't there but the voice kept saying things. Bits of phrases and sentences her brain didn't have the energy to process.

Lapis looked at her crush worriedly. Was she going insane or suffering the same symptoms as her when she went into a coma? Honestly, she didn't want to know, but as Peri said 'not knowing is the bane of this unwanted adventure'. Though the blue gem lacked of the clues to solve this problem.

"Peri, hey Peri, come on. Get out of your head. Please. Whatever you're listening, is not true" the other gem was shaken a bit but to no avail. Her trance was too strong to be broken. Lazuli was dry of new ideas which wasn't helping at all, then she remembered when Peri told her how she started to talk with her despite being unconscious, that it calmed her down if a bit.

'If it can get her out of her head or whatever is going through, so be it' and begun talking. "Have you thought about what you wanna do once we return home, Peri? Because I did" there was no response, the engineer's eyes were still looking to something invisible "I plan to sleep in the hammock for a whole week. A whole month once Little Homeworld is finished, or maybe while it is finished. And guess what? I want you with me, to cuddle with me so we can be comfortable. We deserve it after all... I know that this stuff about romance and serious relationships is something new to explore. Heck, if it weren't for Camp Pining Hearts and what Garnet loves to say about fusion, we wouldn't get it. I was honest to you when I told you that I loved you, that I have fallen in love with you, but it's challenging you know. I don't want to make the same mistakes, to run away and make you think it was all your fault when it isn't. I don't want to hurt you again, you're really precious to me. Hehe... It sounds cliché, right? Should I say something more epic, poetic? No, even with that, you will only want honesty. But sometimes is so difficult to give that when the truth is nothing but a not-so-bright surprise box. We might get good things or bad ones, or the worst of the worst. So, what's the point in being honest if the result may be ugly, right? But If we deny it, we'll only walk in circles. With lies to not upset anyone and hurt feelings. And, if it helps in something, I'm not the best in taking bad news well. You already know it, don't you?"

She stopped for a second to accomodate Peridot who was on her arms and keep walking. Her eyes searched for the light at the top of the mountain, the snow storm making it difficult to spot. They still had a long trek to go before seeing the peak in all its splendor. With a single glance of it Lapis could feel the end of a draining journey and the beginning of rest and peace. Just her and Peridot and all her family.

"I want to go back, Peri" she said with melancholy "I want to go back to the times when everything was so calm and perfect. Just you and I. When this is over, we have to start our break, ok? And maybe... Maybe we can visit Pumpkin's tomb too. She must be feeling lonely"

"L-Lone... Pumpkin?" Peri's voice broke Lapis' train of thought, the blue gem directing her gaze to her companion whose eyes were returning to normal much to the other's relief. "Thank stars, you're back!" Lazuli hugged her and the former technician raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"What do you mean I'm back? What happened? Also, where are we? Aren't we in the peak of the mountain yet?" the shower of questions made Lapis laugh for a bit, just hearing Peridot's voice gave her energy to keep moving.

"We aren't there yet, but we are advancing. You... I don't know how to say it but you entered some sort of trance, you were getting weak and almost collapsed, so I carried you"

"Oh..." the green gem didn't know how to take this. Well, she did know to be exact, but worrying her romantic partner with her mysterious condition and whatever trance she had sounded more troublesome than anything. "Did-Did I do something weird while I was incapacitated to continue?"

"Well, now that I think about it, you mentioned Steven. Like he was saying something you couldn't get" Then Lapis remembered Connie and Bismuth's voices she heard when she fell asleep "Peri, remember when I couldn't be woken up until I did and you kissed me?"

"Y-You didn't like the kiss?" the other Crystal Gem sounded so small and nervous it broke Lapis' heart, so she put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.

"No, I liked it. Trust me. The point is, while I was unconscious again, I thought I heard Connie and Bismuth's voices saying something. But it was so difficult to understand.

"Bismuth and Connie? That... Ok, I could say it doesn't make any sense, though that conclusion is quite obvious"

"Yeah, but you hearing Steven was similar to my case. What if they're trying to communicate with us?"

"You told me once that Steven contacted you via dream powers even when you were still..." Peridot paused, knowing the next fact was really bitter for Lapis "Still fused with Jasper. So, um, if my calculations are correct, he might be able to reach us using that ability. However, Connie and Bismuth don't have it, so it's not possible for them to try to send a message to us. Unless our minds are reconnecting with the memories needed to solve the question of why and how we ended up in the forest"

Uh, she had a lot of good points. Still...

"But what if Steven is extending that power to them so the others can know where we are and talk to us. Isn't that possible?"

"That's a good theory. And the only way to make it real is if Steven, Connie and Bismuth are sleeping and connecting their minds. Besides, ours don't need to shut off via sleeping. Anyway, once we reach the light of the mountain and get out of here, we'll try to prove that theory"

With Lapis nodding to that statement, both gems keep walking until the passage ended in a new entrance to a paved path. They pass through and saw in front of them a massive, terrifying abyss whose bottom was overshadowed by dense, icy fog; the path was at the edge of the side of a mountain. Their unmaterial hearts froze at the simple idea of estimating the height in which they found themselves.

Beyond that, the condition of the place didnt look much better nor gave them some encouragement for a more peaceful journey: it was more narrow than the rocky passages from before, there were some rocks ahead obstructing a part, and the weather was acting more unstable and dangerous.

"The world is so unfair with this" Peridot complained, between annoyed with more struggles to deal with and terrified at the idea of falling to a painful death.

The universe, in that moment, decided to prove her right by sending a powerful gust against them. It happened so quickly, both Crystal Gems didn't have the time to defend themselves. Peridot was hit first, her back colliding with Lapis' stomach, the svelte gem tried to put her feet down with enough strength to not be dragged by the cold winds to no avail. Then her back crashed with the stone-made railing at the start of the path which broke in pieces.

The worst moment in Peridot's life played painfully slow, facing her mockinly. Lapis' body was pulled by gravity towards death, her feet the only thing available to grab to save her life. A part of the mechanic's brain told her that grabbing Lapis' foot to stop her end was crazy, the weight would drag her down and both would die. Another one, much bigger and desperate told her to screw reason and save her immediately, because both promised to protect each other.

So, that's what Peridot did.

"I got you!" she yelled at her companion who was shocked seeing the little gem holding her left heel, all her might put in the sole task of not letting her go.

"Peridot, what the heck?! Let me go!" Lapis shouted, her command overlapped by the strong blizzards. The other gem shook her head in negative and tried to pull her comrade in, though that was easier saying than doing it.

"Peridot, just let go! You're gonna die too!" the engineer again shook her head, crying tears of frustration for her pathetic and less-than-average strength. She cursed mentally at her weakness, right now being as strong as a human adult or a bit more was seriously needed but she even was deprived of that.

Another merciless blizzard collided with Peridot's back; thankfully, what was left of the railing became useful to her to hold on and not be pushed to a hellish fall. With her left hand and foot positioned behind the remnants of the railing, she pulled once, twice, thrice even, to put Lapis on the floor. Her efforts were brave, the ocean gem could give her credit for that, but they weren't working, and any time, a simple slipup might condemn Peridot to her demise which she didn't want.

She had no option. Raising her right foot in front of Peri's face, she said, "Let me go right now or I'll kick you! Peridot, this is my last warning! LET ME GO!"

'Laz can't be serious... Can she?'; however, her romantic partner's eyes were sending daggers at her via glaring, and her foot was still raised, so yeah, she was deadly serious. But guess what? Two can play the same game. And letting her companion die to save herself wasn't on her list.

"Kick me then!" she challenged her "Kick me and die! Leave me behind again! But if you do it, don't you dare to think this time I'm going to forgive you, because I WON'T! NEVER! Save my life if you want, I won't change my mind! I'd rather die with you than reach the peak alone! Even if it means condemning myself and being hated by you in the other life, I won't let you go! No matter how many times you try to convince me to!" Lapis felt something wet touching her face. Peridot's waterfalls of tears were soaking her cheeks and hair, making her cry too.

'What should I do? She might die because of me. But I don't want to hurt her again' Lapis' despair was consuming her mind to the point of giving up, until she saw Peri's determined expression. She was doing the impossible to save her and here she was, wanting to sacrifice herself even if that means leaving the person she loved most again. How a gem like Peridot could be so bold and devote? How could she risk her life that way for her?

'I think we can win. I think you can win' Yeah! They were getting close to the mountain's light, they had survided many horrible things, gone through worse. She couldn't give up nor leave Peri and their lives together behind. She must fight!

Quickly, Lapis placed her right foot under a part of the railing that wasn’t broken, to try to pull herself out of the abyss. "Peridot!" she yelled getting her attention "PULL! PULL AND DON'T FALL!" the little gem was surprised at that response, though it lasted a bit. With a huge willpower, she did as Lazuli said, arms and legs working endlessly to save her while the blue gem did the same, using her right foot as a impulse.

Peridot, in a snap, grabbed the other foot too and pulled with as much strength she could muster. Another blizzard hit her back, pushing her to the edge, but her left leg wrapped around a part of the railing that was intact to prevent the fall. Then she kept pulling; slowly and with Lapis' help, the blue gem could get hold of the remnants of the banister to make the last impulse, being in the paved path alongside Peridot.

[architectnews]

UNStudio creates 37 vaulted stations for Doha Metro

Dutch architecture practice UNStudio has collaborated with the Qatar Rail Architecture Department to create 37 stations for the driverless Doha Metro system, which has opened in Qatar.

Consisting of three lines that radiate out from the Msheireb station in the downtown area of Qatar's capital city, the stations on the driverless metro system are united by a design language created by UNStudio and the Qatar Rail Architecture Department.

Aiming to be modern, but reflect the city's history, the stations are all designed to be vaulted spaces.

Top: Msheireb station is the network's interchange. Above: vaulted spaces within Msheireb station

"It was important that the design represent both modernisation and preservation," UNStudio told Dezeen.

"The challenge was to reference local, traditional architectural heritage, while reinterpreting this into a contemporary design language that represents Qatar today," it continued.

"The vault was chosen as this referential bridge between past and present."

Msheireb station's vaults are based on a modular system

Each of the stations was built from parametrically designed, curved modular elements that can be assembled on a triangular grid so that the structure could be adapted for each station's location, size and capacity.

UNStudio and Qatar Rail Architecture Department outlined the form and arrangement of these modular elements, along with numerous details including interior finishes, layouts, wayfinding and furniture, in an extensive design manual that was then used by the contractors to ensure a consistent design language was maintained across all 37 stations.

Triangular arched forms in Msheireb station

"Through the production of a design manual and with the use of adaptive parametric design, it has been possible to create a design with many variants, yet one which maintains a coherent identity throughout all of the stations," said UNStudio founder Ben van Berkel.

"In this way, we can combine local contextual differences within an overall identity and parametrically adapt physical factors such as wayfinding, daylight penetration, passenger flows and constructive elements in a complex but extremely disciplined system."

Qatar National Library Station on the Red Line

The modular system was used to create large, open entrance halls for the stations, which was part of the architects' strategy to create welcoming spaces that celebrate public transport.

"The celebration of arriving and departing has always been found in the design of stations," said Van Berkel.

"For the Doha Metro network we devised an adaptive parametric system which creates open, light and welcoming interiors for each of the individual stations. Traditional Qatari architectural features are reinterpreted to incorporate new, transformative qualities which capture daylight and direct this into the interiors, creating uplifting and luminous atmospheres."

Hexagonal tiles on column in Qatar National Library Station

Hexagon-shaped tiles that give a multi-coloured mother of pearl-effect were used to clad the structural arched elements to make them distinct from the other surfaces that are clad in more modest materials.

Throughout the network the interiors were slightly adapted to differentiate the three lines in the system, as well as the fourth line that is currently under construction.

Interior of Al Riffa Station on the Green Line

"Whilst the structural elements ensure the overall consistency of the network, the system also enables variety, as this is also necessary for the branding of the individual lines and the identity of the individual stations." said UNStudio.

"The identities of the different metro lines are achieved by varying the materials, colours and details, while the station identities focus on different content that relates to their specific locations."

Vaulted forms outside Msheireb station

Externally the parametrically-designed arched forms create distinctive structures that will allow travellers to easily identify and find the stations.

"These were roadside inns along ancient trade routes, where travelers, or 'caravaners', stopped off along their journeys," said UNStudio.

"The Doha Metro stations were designed to reference this idea of creating a place, rather than merely a highly efficient node."

Exterior of Al Riffa Station

"We are going to move differently in the future," added Van Berkel.

"Mobility is changing fast, from the introduction of autonomous vehicles to urban cable cars and the Hyperloop. The mobility hubs of the future have to respond to and cater to these changes," he continued.

"In order to encourage the use of more sustainable forms of transport, these stations not only have to ensure smooth passenger flows, but they need to truly appeal to the public; to be places they want to visit and return to."

Exterior of DECC Station

The Doha Metro system has been built ahead of the FIFA 2022 World Cup in Qatar.

Many of the stations will be used by spectators during the tournament including the Lusail station next to Lusail Stadium, which is being designed by Foster + Partners and Education City station, which is close to the Fenwick-Iribarren Architects and Pattern Design's Education City Stadium.

Photography is by Hufton and Crow.

Project credits:

UNStudio: Ben van Berkel, with Arjan Dingsté, Nuno Almeida, Marianthi Tatari and René Rijkers, Jaap-Willem Kleijwegt, Tom Minderhoud, Maurizio Papa, Juergen Heinzel, Rob Henderson, Ariane Stracke, and Wael Batal, Thomas van Bekhoven, Ergin Birinci, William de Boer, Sean Buttigieg, Rodrigo Cañizares, Eric Caspers, Konstantinos Chrysos, Marc Hoppermann, Sebastian Janusz, Nemanja Kordić, Dennis Krassenburg, Samuel Liew, Guomin Lin, Chiara Marchionni, Alberto Martinez, Gerben Modderman, Martin Neumann, Patrik Noome, Kristoph Nowak, Bruno Peris, Marcos Polydorou, Clare Porter, Attilio Ranieri, Stefano Rocchetti, Thys Schreij, Georgios Siokas, Luke Tan, Yi-Ju Tseng, Menno Trautwein, Gerasimos Vamvakidis, Laertis Vassiliou, Sander Versluis, Philip Wilck, JooYoun Yoon, Martin Zangerl, Shuang Zhang, Meng Zhao, Jennifer Zitner, Seyavash Zohoori. Structure, MEP: RHDHV Lighting engineering: AG Licht Wayfinding: Mijksenaar Passenger flow analysis: MIC – Mobility in Chain 
Facade engineering: Inhabit Acoustic engineering: Arup Fire and life safety: AECOM Technical landscape advice: AECOM

The post UNStudio creates 37 vaulted stations for Doha Metro appeared first on Dezeen.

[kellyp72]

Three factors that influence unhealthy food choices (they have nothing to do with being rich or poor)

A few weeks ago I woke up and read a Twitter conversation sparked by an article written by award-winning food writer Jane Black. Since then, I have thought a lot about the article and the conversations that followed in the Twitterverse. Jane’s guest column, on the website of the Stone Barnes Center for Food and Agriculture, points out how elite foodies are fundamentally out of touch with the reasons behind why less-affluent, rural, and/or poor families hadn’t made a switch to healthier eating.

What struck me most about her essay was her observation that one of the main obstacles preventing less affluent people in red-state America from eating healthy didn’t have anything to do with ignorance, lack of desire, or rebellion against elite coastal foodie cultures. It did have to do with economics, but not in the way you might think: in fact, it had everything to do with the combination of lifestyle and economics.

In other words, if you work two jobs and barely make ends meet, the last thing you want to do when you get home is cook a healthy meal. It’s easier, and relatively cheap, to head to the closest fast food joint instead. A big part of the reason why, then, so many of the working poor still choose to eat unhealthy foods is that they just don’t have the time and energy to make healthy, home-cooked meals. Right?

Well maybe, but it isn’t the only reason.

Walmart now has organic offerings. And they are learning how to market these better to a lot more people because organic costs a little more, and why wouldn’t Walmart want to make more money?

And what about food deserts, places where the closest grocery store is an hour’s drive away? Forget about restaurants, even fast-food ones, being a daily option for many people living in the food deserts of rural America.

Economic struggles didn’t always deter people from eating generally healthy food: there have always been people in America who have worked hard, long hours and struggled to make ends meet. Not that long ago, most people who found themselves in that situation still managed to cook meals at home (yes, even in those families that didn’t have a stay-at-home adult who took care of the cooking and housework). Many of these households even grew small gardens to supplement their food supply.

So what has changed?

To begin finding answers, I first turned to my mother, (who knows a lot about a lot of things and is generally considered a treasured source of advice by family, friends, and total strangers alike). Then I began asking random people of all economic backgrounds about why they chose to eat unhealthy food when they did. Finally, I did some research online.

This is what I came up with.

There are three major factors beyond economics that influence the eating habits of ordinary folks today. These three apply to all kinds of people, whether affluent, poor, or middle-class; rural, urban, or peri-urban; red state, blue state, or purple state; working 35-50 hours per week, or working 80 or more hours a week.

The three factors are priorities, food cultures, and social networks.

First, the connection between food and health is just not in the forefront of many people’s minds. In other words, eating healthy a majority of the time is not a priority. In some cases, it’s lack of motivation, and in others it may be a lack of concern or urgency. What’s more, many people don’t connect what they eat with their own personal health outcomes until they are faced with a crisis: someone close to them dies suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack, or their doctor tells them that they have to immediately change their dietary habits or will be facing a life-threatening health crisis.

Even that doesn’t always change people’s behavior, as Jane Black reveals in telling the story of Matthew Clayton, whose two brothers died of obesity-related diseases, who is obese himself, and who still eats a lot of fast food. Many people don’t stop and think about what might be in a fast food meal that only costs $3.99, as compared to a similar meal from a restaurant that costs $13.99. And others just don’t really care much, as long as the $3.99 meal tastes good and is easy to come by.

Second, there has been a seismic change in food cultures in the US (and many other countries) since the time of my mother’s childhood. For many people growing up in the 1940s and 50s, “eating out” meant going to a relative’s house to eat. Fast food was still a novelty, mostly catering to travelers.

In 1921 in the United States, White Castle began serving burgers out of its Wichita, Kansas restaurant. Most people found the idea of this kind of food fare unappealing. Later, White Castle made efforts to change public perception of their food, using glass so customers could see it being prepared. Fast forward to 1940, the first McDonald’s opened as a barbecue joint. It redesigned its restaurant in 1948, using assembly line technology. Burger King and Taco Bell followed suit in the 1950s, and then came Wendy’s in 1969.

Along with the growth of fast food joints came an explosion in advertising that was designed to make this kind of food more appealing to the average consumer. Back in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s, there were relatively few advertisements. Fast forward to today, and we are faced with a barrage of advertisements on billboards, tv, and internet, constantly distracting us with enticing ads about unhealthy convenience foods.

See for yourself: get a stopwatch and then turn to a prime time station on your tv. Count how many minutes pass until you see a commercial for an unhealthy convenience food. Then see how many of these come up in an hour. If you’re watching a kids’ channel, you’ll see even more of these commercials. If you’re watching a channel targeting black youth audiences, you’ll see even more.)

Aside from the onslaught of information enticing us to eat packaged, convenient, unhealthy, fast food, there is the issue of food sub-cultures. What kinds of food have people grown up eating? What are they used to and what do their palates prefer? Sometimes people don’t make the switch to eating healthy foods because they just don’t like these kinds of food (or they think they won’t). On the other hand, many people continue eating the foods they grew up with, even if it’s deep-fried, breaded, artery-clogging fare because it reminds them of grandma’s cooking, or Sundays around the dinner table after church.

When kids grow up eating healthy foods, they tend to crave healthy foods because their brains have essentially become programmed to like, and even prefer, this kind of food. I wrote about this earlier in a blog post about kids and the Healthy Lunch movement in the US.

Third, social networks have a big influence on people’s eating habits. If the people you surround yourself with are overweight and unhealthy eaters, chances are you will be(come) overweight and unhealthy too. Social networks make all kinds of behavior, including unhealthy eating habits, feel more socially acceptable: it seems like everyone around you is engaging in them because, essentially, they are. What’s more, in many social circles, it’s expected that people will get fat as they age, although there is no evidence that this trend is inevitable. What is evident is that many overweight people don’t even realize that they’re overweight.

In the southeast region of the United States, thinness is an outlier, whereas it is more the norm in places like Los Angeles. Plant the average Californian or Coloradan in a major city in Georgia, Mississippi, or Louisiana, and physically speaking, her body type will stand out as being outside the norm.

While I agree with Jane Black that the conversation about food has become overtly political, and food-shaming is pointless, I think the reasons that people choose unhealthy over healthy food can’t be adequately explained by economics.

But like Jane Black, I agree selling (and advertising) more healthy convenience foods is a good way forward for food strategists. Turning healthy food into something that’s palatable for the mass market is no easy task, though. Maybe the trick isn’t to try to eliminate fast, unhealthy food – most of us will always crave some of that, sometimes.

I believe that the trick to encouraging more healthy eating and less unhealthy bingeing is increasing options for healthy fare at the same time that we address challenges like food deserts and tackle the problems with the industrial food industry. In so doing, we’ll be fostering a culture of healthy eating that involves, among other things, giving people the tools and hacks they need to get things started in a way that makes sense for their lifestyles.

Would you like to have healthy living/green living tips sent to your inbox? Click the button below.

[butchdaydreams]

I need an advice, please. I'm a baby gay and recently I got a girlfriend. She's amazing and I'm half way in love with her. Here's the deal. I'm inexperienced. We talked about a strap on not that long ago and I ordered the one we talked about as a surprise. Harness and all. Here's the problem. I don't know how to wear it. Like.. should I put it on my underwear, or not wear any underwear at all. If I want to hide it in my pants, do I put it inside the underwear? I don't want to ask her because I want it to be a surprise and I want to be sexy for her, not awkward. I know it's a stupid question. I know. Just, help me, please

How you wear your strap is all down to personal preference. Some wear it on their bear skin. Some wear it under their underwear and pull it through the boxer hole because they like to feel like it’s a real penis. I personally wear it over top of my underwear because the shape of my thighs and butt make it uncomfortable and chafe my groin.

Try it on before your first time with her and see what’s most comfortable for you, because sex won’t be fun unless you are fully comfortable

[butchdaydreams]

do you have any advice on how to be more confident being butch or masculine? growing up i had 6 siblings and 4 being sisters but i was the only one growing up to be a ‘tomboy’ as my family would call it and i had such a hard time fitting in, especially because of my older sister who always harassed me whenever i cut my hair or wore clothes i felt comfortable in. my mum and some other family members were supportive but it’s so hard being the only butch lesbian in my family with no one to look up to. and not to mention all the other hard things i’ll have to go through in life with this, the weird looks in bathrooms, wearing a suit instead of a dress at weddings or parties, constantly having to deal with homophobic people everyday. and for years i tried growing my hair and wearing feminine clothes and it destroyed my mental health but whenever i wear clothes i feel comfortable in i finally feel like myself but i know it’s not what everyone wants and it’s so hard feeling like the disappointment so i’m just constantly torn on what to do to somehow please myself and everyone around me

Unfortunately there is no easy solution to this. You can’t make everyone happy, and in not making everyone happy it looks like you are not making yourself happy. Weigh your pros and cons in terms of family support (financial, living space, ect) and your mental health. If this is something you’ve decided you truly want to do, then you have to go for it and not care what everyone else thinks.

There will always, and I mean always, be people who have a problem with the way you look and act if you are in any way gnc. You have to decide to choose yourself above them, and when you do, you will find the self-love comes

[butchdaydreams]

Have you ever slid into someone’s DMs? Did it work? If yes, what was your technique?

I have slid into dm’s, and I’ve had more than many people slide into my dm’s. My main thing is that people like to be treated like……… people. Don’t go in with the expectation that they want to be sexual with you. Be friendly, be yourself, do your part to keep the conversation going, and then see where it leads

[butchdaydreams]

Love your blog! Im a femme in a relationship with a butch mechanic who gets really physically worn out from work so we sometimes dont have sex for months at a time. I love her more than anything in the world but it can be really difficult. Reading about intimacy is really helpful and your stories make the times in between not so lonely. Please keep writing!

I used to be the same way back at my old job. I would get so stressed and tired we wouldn’t have sex for weeks or even months on end, but there are other ways to connect and be intimate outside of sex, and there are ways to get around it while having sex. I fell in love with being ridden during that time because I could please him when I was too exhausted for other means of sex, and I was more than capable of the aftercare after. Maybe talk with your partner and see what ways you can modify what you’re already doing to accommodate them and their needs

And I’m glad I can help :) I don’t plan on stopping any time soon

[butchdaydreams]

Wait so how do you deal with those bad experiences and knowing you didn’t do well in bed? I think about it sometimes and want to crawl in a hole in shame

Know that everyone is entitled to a bad day and a poor performance, especially if it was your first time with that person or first time in a while

If it was truly awful in their eyes too and you want to try again, learn from your mistakes and communicate with the other person, before, during, and after the act. You can’t please them if you don’t know how

Take a breath and relax. Psyching yourself out helps no one, will make you more nervous, and will only make things worse

Forgive yourself. I say a lot of weird things when I’m nervous, but playing them back and drowning in them will only make you more nervous the next time

And know that no one owes you anything. You aren’t owed a second chance, you aren’t owed friendship after. If it was bad and they were uncomfortable, it’s their right to walk away and never try again

Use what happened to make your next experiences better. If nothing else, now you know what not to do

[butchdaydreams]

do you have any advice on how to pursue a butch4butch relationship bc as a butch it’s so hard when people expect me to like femmes or feeling like other butches won’t really be into me

You’ve just got to go for it! Flirt with them with intention and be direct about the way that that you are feeling because there’s a chance they don’t know you’re butch4butch too. If it turns out they don’t like butches, have the respect to leave it at that, but if they do be yourself and have fun!

[butchdaydreams]

How do you know if it’s worth waiting for someone?

Ask yourself 2 things:

1) Will it realistically happen in the future? Is it not happening now because of something like distance and you know they are willing to be in a relationship as soon as you are back in the same area, or are they emotionally unavailable with no end in sight? Have they said they would date you given the chance? Do you know it’s actually something they want, or are they giving you noncommittal non-answers when you bring it up?

2) Is it worth it? Is the pain that is being caused by waiting for them (because let’s be honest, it’s painful) actually worth it? How long are you willing to hurt yourself over something that may or may not happen? Are you going to wait forever, even if they are interested in and are sleeping with other people? Could you wait it out until the distance closed if you know there’s an endpoint to the waiting?

Everyone has their own tolerance for these things, and these are questions only you can answer. How much hurt are you willing to take before you decide it’s not worth it?

[butchdaydreams]

Do you ever worry that you’ll find a partner and love them and want them but still want to have sex/make deep relationships with other people too? i feel like different people have so much to offer in experiences and connections. But i know if my partner and the person i love made those sorts of connections with anyone else but me i would be so jealous and insecure. So i would never do that to them. But part of me is afraid I would still have desires to.

Keep in mind that you are not your thoughts, you are your actions. Everyone gets crushes when they’re with someone, you can’t help that, but what you can help is breaking your partners heart by doing something insensitive and immoral about it if that makes sense

[butchdaydreams]

I want nothing more than for you to grope my tiddies before I get them chopped off ❤️❤️❤️

I…. Don’t know why you thought this was appropriate to send to a stranger. Many people are very uncomfortable with the idea of surgeries and the removal of body parts, so please keep that in mind when talking to people you don’t know

[butchdaydreams]

I miss my ex. It's been years but I still do. She's moved on and I don't know what to do.

It’s normal to miss people, especially if they were important to you or you spent a lot of time together. It can also be hard to see that they have moved on, and can bring up a lot of negative emotions.

For me, I’ve found what helped the most is an “out of sight out of mind” approach. It was hard, but getting rid of the evidence of them helped a lot

Go on anon and tell me a secret

[butchdaydreams]

hey, sorry that this is out of the blue. i don’t know who to ask for on advice for this and hoped a fellow butch could help lol. i’ve just gotten into a ldr with a femme, and she’s wonderful. so beautiful, funny & thoughtful and i like her a lot. she’s expressed to me that she doesn’t feel i initiate any flirting or take the lead at all, and she’d like me to. (i’d like to, too) i enjoy being in charge of someone else and making them feel good - a lot, lot more than i enjoy being on the receiving end. but i’m very much… used to being hands-on. this is my first ldr and in the past phone sex has never particularly been a huge focus. verbal flirting really, really isn’t my strong suit. i get nervous over the phone and find it hard to find that confidence and find the things to say. …you’d think the performance anxiety would be less prevalent without them physically there. i was wondering whether you had any tips for things like this? i really don’t want her to feel undesired or unsatisfied in any way, and i especially don’t want this to be a long-lasting problem. now that she’s brought it to my attention i want to rectify it as soon as i can. i wish i could just prove myself in person lol😭

An LDR is really difficult, no matter the circumstances. Moreso than in in-person relationships, communication is going to be very important. I know it can be hard and scary, but she is really the one you need to talk to about this.

Come up with a list of things that drive her wild together, write it down, and break it out at random times. This will help give you the confidence to know you are doing what she likes, and will help her get exactly what she’s looking for