#photo creds: dan istitene

[raceweek]

alex and charles pre race at the brazilian grand prix

[imaginemrvel]

Heart Equals Home | Charles Leclerc

*Photo Creds: Dan Istitene via Getty Images*

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader

A/N: This is going to be a series, yes, the DR series was discontinued and archived because I couldn’t seem to understand where the plot line was going, I had major creative block every time I went to add more to it. I’m sorry for anyone who was following it but I may return to it in the future, I’m not sure yet. But for now, I want to start a fresh chapter with a new series and I hope you enjoy.

A/N: There is no summary for this because firstly, I can’t be bothered to write one and secondly, it’s pretty self-explanatory from the first chapter really. I’m writing in first person for this because I find it’s an easier way of writing plus when you imagine it as an ‘I’ thing, it becomes a lot more intimate and thus personable as well as realistic, and enjoyable!

Warnings: fluff, mentions of smut, clubbing, alcohol, swearing

Masterlist

My first love. A love that I never saw coming, a love that left imprints on my soul and would do so for all of eternity, or atleast for as long as I was alive. For months, I stayed up thinking about him, wondering where in the world he was, on an emotional and physical level.

I guess he went through a lot of torment, but he never opened up about it to me a lot, on the days that he did, it was the sort of stuff I’d hear in a movie as the main character corrected their path to one of redemption and justice.

But those days of digging up the past are over for me, in fact, I don’t even know why I ever did think about him so much because I never really was on the receiving end of an opportunity to tell him how I feel about him. No, how I felt about him.

Past tense, because that’s what it is, the past. It was something I was told by my good friend, Leya, if I just keep going back to the beginning then I won’t have enough time to continue everything else, because other people will get bored of waiting. I mean, she was referring to a long night of clubbing and the fact that I was entirely too focused on my makeup rather than my outfit but still, I found it moving enough.

“That dress is cute.” Leya’s head was perched up on her arms, her eyes raking over my figure as I twirled in the mirror. “The bottom half of the dress is shorter than my underwear.” I snorted, returning my gaze to her in the reflection.

“So fucking what? It’s Monaco, it’s once in a lifetime.” A groan left my mouth just as Carla entered, pushing her hair behind her shoulders. “Y/N, when was the last time you were here?” She innocently inquired as Leya tutted, “like years ago no? I still can’t believe you LEFT Monaco for America, that’s like leaving a gold mine for a cave.”

“I didn’t leave, my family moved Leya, it’s a part of life. You know how you moved from Liam to Jayce in the span of a week, it’s a part of life.” Leya made an insulting mocking noise and threw a pillow at me from behind her, but I expertly dodged it.

“Okay okay, but how long has it really been?” I sighed, combing through my hair with my fingers. “I don’t know, five years maybe?” My mind instantly went back to what life was like five years ago; small, meek, repetitive, but the one person that didn’t make it seem so dull was a person long gone from my life.

Before I could fall into a deep train of thought, I caught myself. “Five years? Jesus, you never came to visit?” Leya questioned, now sitting with her arms holding her up behind her.

“Monte Carlo got more expensive over the years, we couldn’t afford to. It’s only when I got my promotion that I.. well, am here,” I truthfully answered.

“What about all of your old friends?” Carla added but Leya turned to her annoyingly, “she has us? Who else would she ever need?” I nervously let out a chuckle and glanced between both of them, deciding to change the topic while I still could.

“Come on, we should get going.” I ushered and Carla turned on her heel to head into the bathroom where she left her purse, while Leya scurried to the mirror to take a look at herself close-up simultaneously nudging me on the shoulder.

I moved away when I heard my phone vibrate on the stand just below the TV. I skimmed over the message with my eyes, a smile on my lips as I clicked on it and read it out loud. “Eric and Zac are meeting us there, and apparently, Luca is finding his own way.”

I ended with a chuckle and Leya joined me, “Do you reckon it was truth or dare?” I smiled, not looking up from my phone as I typed out a response to him. “Oh for sure, but with alcohol, just to be on the frisky side.”

I shoved the phone into my clutch and brought it over my shoulder, hopping on one foot either way to get my heels on, once that was done, I looked around to see Leya behind me, reapplying her lipgloss for the millionth time while Carla was anxiously checking the time on her phone.

“Right girls, we ready?” I nodded, popping my ‘p’ on the end of my ‘yep’, and looked back to Leya just as she dropped the tube of lipgloss into her purse.

“Let’s get this night fucking started, PLEASE.”

I threw my head back in laughter as Eric mumbled a joke in my ear, the tip of his nose grazing my bare skin. “Stop.” I commanded but another laugh escaped my lips so he knew I wasn’t being serious, “do you know how hot you look in that dress? Fucking sinful.”

A blush creeped over my cheeks and my chest, I clenched my thighs together and there was a playful smirk on Eric’s lips, knowing what he was doing. “Behave, I’m not doing it in a club again, we both know how it ended last time.” His mouth turned into an ‘O’ shape as he remembered the fond story we both like to tell on the nights we get piss drunk.

“Poor man definitely let a little piddle out.” Placing a hand on his chest, I pushed him away with a wide smile on my lips, rolling my eyes too. “I’m getting another drink.” Eric nodded, squeezing my arm to grab my attention again, leaning in to ask me if I wanted him to come with but I shook my head, telling him there was no need.

I strolled over to the bar, planting myself on one of the stools and leaned on to the counter with both elbows on the marble, the cool surface in contrast to my sweaty arms sent goosebumps up my skin.

“Margarita, shaken please.” I ended with a friendly smile, my head tilting slightly to the left, the alcohol I’d already consumed hadn’t quite hit me yet but I was definitely starting to feel some effects of it.

My mind was a slight haze, not realising the bartender had slid my drink over to me until I forced my eyes wide open. Suddenly, I felt a hand on my shoulder, tensing up from the unfamiliar contact. If I elbow them, how far would they be pushed back? What if I just smashed this glass over their head, how much would it cost?

But I eased when he leaned into my ear, “I’m going to go and grab Luca, he’s lost himself somewhere.” I chuckled and whisked around on the chair, “you shouldn’t have let him walk here.” Eric winked and traced his finger along my jawline, “he insisted.”

Tilting my head up, he leaned forward as if to press a kiss to my lips but only smiled against them. I clasped my hands around his neck and pulled him into me, deepening it when he placed two hands on my waist. “Later.” I groaned annoyingly against his mouth which caused him to let out a sigh, “you’re going to finish what you started soon, baby.”

He tilted his head down to his jeans and I laughed, pressing a final soft kiss to his lips before unclasping my hands, pulling away. “I’ll tell Leya to be with you until I come back.” I nodded my head, my heart warmed like I was a teenage girl with a school crush.

He swiftly made his exit and I was left alone at the bar again. Yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was staring, either from afar or really up-close, but someone was piercing their eyes into the back of my head. The alcohol was definitely starting to take effect, the room spinning slightly every time I turned my head so by the end of it, I decided to leave it be and let whoever was staring stare, plus take it as a compliment.

I lazily stood up from my seat, realising that the bar was getting busier so it was going to get a whole lot more cramped in the matter of minutes, even seconds. As I made my way through the ever-increasing group of people, I winced when I heard someone’s voice incredibly close to my ear.

At first, I believed it was Leya because Eric mentioned he’d tell her to come to me before he left but this one was masculine. The voice didn’t seem laced with alcohol or slurred, nor did the person who’s voice it belonged to touch me anywhere let alone inappropriately.

That was when my mind registered what the voice said. “I never thought I’d see you again.” My eyebrows subconsciously knitted together at the confusion of who it could be, maybe an old friend who noticed me from far away? Maybe a Monacan relative I haven’t seen in years?

The voice becomes a person when they walk around me so that I can see them in clear view now. The man’s hair was messy yet looked incredibly fluffy, the kind I’d want to run my hands through. Even under the club lighting and the booming music, his eyes were piercing, the green in them obviously apparent even from a distance, they were the kind I’d get lost in. His pointed nose and his pink plump lips, the kind I’d pepper kisses over every chance I got.

Except I have. I have ran my hands through that hair before, I have lost myself in those eyes before, I have left kisses over that nose and those lips.

Fuck.

“Charles,” I manage to breathe out. He smiles, he loves the way I mumbled his name, he knows the memories of us in our teenage years came flooding back to me like a harsh wave over the shore, much like they’d flooded back to him when he first saw me from across the club.

Neither of us say anything to each other, either because we didn’t know what to say or because we didn’t want to, instead we wanted to soak each other in, let our eyes wander over the other’s body, notice the tiny things that have changed because we’ve both been absent from each other’s lives for a long time.

He tilts his head towards an empty high-top table near the back of the club and I find myself absentmindedly following him, like a lost puppy finally reunited with its owner. He’s wearing a black shirt, prints of the brand marked on the shoulders, short sleeves.

His figure remained the same, but I guess that‘s a given if he chose to remain in the same career he was in years ago. Motorsport. Perhaps he’s a little bit taller, but I couldn’t be sure, I didn’t spend any minute with him judging his height, I spent those minutes with him in all of his glory, soaking him in, believing he was mine.

While my feet were carrying me to where he was going, I didn’t feel much inside of me. Maybe my stomach had flipped a few times or my breath had caught in my throat when I came to the realisation of who it was, but not much else. I liked that.

As he turned, I felt my legs weaken a little from the alcohol and he subliminally extended his arms out to catch me but I adjusted myself without his help, his arms returning back to his sides. There was a part of me that wished he did, so I could’ve felt what I did years ago, a yearn for his touch, for his attention, but I’m older now, I’m not a teenager.

He knew he couldn’t hold me anymore from the lowering look on his face, he must’ve saw me clasp my hands around Eric’s neck and pull him closer so I could feel his lips on mine. I felt ashamed at that, but I shook it out of my head, I don’t owe him anything.

“How are you?“ I asked, I watched as his eyes faltered a little, I guess there was a possibility he wanted me to say something else, anything else.

Maybe he wanted me to ask where he’s been all these years, tell him if my feelings for him have changed, pull him into me, but I couldn’t know for sure.

And this was awkward enough.

My eyes were rather widened, my mouth was slightly agape, my heart had begun palpitating under his gaze, he watched my every movement as if I would slip away if he looked away for a second.

I wasn’t sure why he was having an effect on me, but I guess it was because I was seeing the same man who once held so much substance in my life again, the man who I thought would never return.

“I’m okay.” His accent was as prominent as ever and I grinned at that, a man of layers I used to regard him as, maybe he still was. But I wouldn’t know, I mean how would I? We’re not friends but I guess we never really were even when we were close.

“You look.. great.” He paused for a moment before he finished, and a blush tinted my cheeks, it was a compliment, of course I was going to react to it, I would react like that regardless of who it was.

His eyes dragged over my body and I don’t know why but I adjusted my dress so it covered me a little more, suddenly feeling the need to be modest, mentally cursing Leya in my head for convincing me to wear it. But she didn’t know, I didn’t know, nobody knew this was going to happen tonight, neither did Charles.

His gaze met the floor, “so do you.” I returned, it is human nature to compliment them back if they compliment me first. At least, that’s what I was taught by my mum growing up.

“How, how long has it been?” I added, I didn’t want the conversation to end and by the way Charles’ eyes lit up slightly, he was pleased with my question. But I don’t know why.

“Five, six years?” He responded, even though it came out like a question rather than an answer. His jaw ticked, he couldn’t comprehend that it’d really been that long he’d gone without his first love by his side.

I wanted to tell him that I’d missed him, but I was mad, I was mad that he’d never attempted to find me as I’d attempted to find him the first year I’d gone without him. But he meant more to me then, not as much now, so I ignored that pesky feeling and pushed it aside.

“I’m sorry I-” Charles begun but he was cut off as his eyes fell to the approaching figure besides me, I followed his gaze and weakly smiled as Eric draped his forearm around my body, pressing a kiss to my temple.

I wanted him to continue but when I returned my eyes to him, his eyes were on the bar and his hands were tucked away into the front pockets of his washed-out jeans, his jaw clenched.

“Who’s this?” I breathed in and forced a smile on to my lips, trying to act as if the conversation had been a pleasantly surprising one, looking up at Eric. “Eric, this is Charles, an..”

I subconsciously paused, rattling through the options in my mind as to what I could use to introduce him as, the Monacan noticed my slight hesitation but he didn’t step in.

“He’s an old friend, from when I lived in Monaco.” Charles refrained from scoffing, meeting the gaze of the man who was eyeing him suspiciously. “Charles, this is Eric, my boyfriend.”

He forced a tight-lipped smile, taking Eric’s hand and shaking it before letting go. “It’s nice to meet you man, I’ve never met any of her mates from here.” He finished, running his hand up and down my back like he always does.

“I’m glad to be the first one.” He met my eyes and offered me a smile, one that I sceptically returned. He patted Eric on the shoulder before walking away, I wanted to turn back and see if he was watching me but I didn’t, he wasn’t a part of my life anymore, I needed to accept that.

“Wanna make a bet on how many of your friends we’ll run into tonight?” I hummed in response, lost in thought. “Let’s just get back to our friends.” Eric noticed my shift in personality and nodded, taking my hand and following me back to Carla and Luca.

The three got lost in a drunken conversation but my eyes were constantly scanning and searching the room, I don’t know what I was expecting to do or to say to him if I saw him, maybe I was hoping he’d finish his sentence, what was he going to apologise for?

For never trying to find me? For bothering me at the club? For never contacting me? For never becoming anything more with each other when we had an infinite amount of potential? What was it?

My mind was spinning in circles and somewhere, I half-wished he was feeling the same, wondering if there was anything left unsaid on my part, but how could I know?

“Dude, are you with us?” Lando cut Charles’ thoughts short as the Ferrari driver met his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, what’s up?” The Brit didn’t seem convinced that his mate was listening, trying to figure out where he was looking until he landed on the wrong group of girls that Charles definitely wasn’t looking at.

“Someone catch your eye?” He smirked as he questioned, the Monacan turned away from his friend and rolled his eyes, finding his oblivious nature entirely too amusing.

“No, definitely not, Lando.” The Brit groaned, wanting and needing something to entertain himself, which usually meant taking the piss out of one of his friends.

Charles couldn’t stop the feeling of waves of guilt and sadness washing over him, maybe if he’d met her again a year earlier, she’d have been happier to see him or she’d be single and not with a guy that she’s over the moon to be with.

She deserves that, someone who treats her well, someone who is able to fully commit his time and attention to her whenever she needs it, the one thing Charles couldn’t afford to give.

But he wanted to know more. He wanted to know what she did for a living now, did she follow her dreams that they used to talk about for hours and hours on the roof? He wanted to know what her favourite season was, did it change, did the reason change? He wanted to know if she knew anything about him, did she really forget or had she been clinging on to hope that they’d reunite just like he had for half a decade?

But she has a boyfriend, a group of friends, people she was willing to travel to another country with, clearly trusting and loyal people, she looked like she was doing really well for herself, her skin was glowing just as much as it did five years ago, her body he still yearned to reach out and hold, her hair he still wished he could comb his fingers through.

She seemed so close and familiar yet so distant and unusual.

It’d been a long night of drinking, and any thoughts of Charles or the conversation we shared or the unfinished sentence he left alone had been rid from my mind from the toxic invasion known as alcohol.

Me and Eric both left the club together and earlier than the others, unable to keep our hands off of each other in the back of the cab he called while I stupidly giggled away.

Rounds and rounds of sex, drunkenly hilarious kisses and cuddles diminished the wedge between us that I was scared Charles had created by simply making an appearance in my life again, but Eric is perfect for me. He loves me, cares for me, and doesn’t deserve to be thrown aside for a man who didn’t bother to find me for five years.

Eric falls asleep earlier than me, my naked body pressed into his side, his arm snaked around me while his other arm is tucked behind his head. I press a lazy kiss to his lips and another, running my hand over his chest and pressing a kiss to his collarbone before finally resting my head.

My head is blank as I grow tired, but I know it’ll be filled with thoughts the moment I wake up, along with a banging headache.

No pun intended.

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