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thetradeway · 4 years ago

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Session 42 22 May 2021: “He was pretty desiccated when I found him.“

I’m late! I still manage not to miss anything. Ed is away so Matthew takes Gideon for him.

In our downtime, Ahleqs has a massive migraine and when he recovers, he knows some different spells. (Duncan mis-read some of his sorcerer abilities, and swaps a few things around.) Gideon makes his excuses and disappears to the tower of the Order, he has some business to attend to. Kessler goes back to her lab for some tinkering. Not in her parents basement. They’re dead. (Batman meme, but I'm only allowed 10 images per post.)

Duncan: "Have you ever told any of us where you live?"

Mina: "Nope."

Brother Charity spends his time in the Dagger ‘doodling around’ in his room, ordering room service; Tarragon gets drunk with Renah.

Ahleqs rides around the city on his mouse cart: “Simon, let us take the air.” He buys some potions. He also wants to inquire about having things enchanted. Tarragon goes with him to get him a discount on potions from the shop where she works; she is very drunk and warns him to set aside some of his money for the cleaning bill on the mouse cart.

Did he have a particular enchantment in mind? Yes, he wants a large travelling chest enchanted so it can walk along behind him. The DM will get back to him on that. (Somewhere, Rincewind is delighted.)

While we’re all milling around, Gideon returns looking pleased with himself. In the morning Tarragon is not hung over, but she deserves to be. Melaina is the first one up. She is having breakfast in the taproom when she is approached by a scruffy urchin. Is she a friend of Gunna? (We all gasp, OOC.)

"Uh… Yeah."

Surge sent the urchin to get us, we are to go to the Docks ward. Something about a court...? (I think, I may have misheard that.)

Jirr calls the kid to the bar and gives him some bread; Melaina tosses him a gold coin. He looks like all his Christmases have come at once.

We meet up with Kessler and head down to the docks. Surge greets us, and leads us away from the normal areas of the Docks Ward to the wharf. It starts to rain; by the time we arrive on the wharf it’s pouring. Surge says he has got us passage on a ship.

Ahleqs, with a wistful sigh: "Remember when we had a boat?"

Charity, rolling his eyes: "This again."

Ahleqs, to Charity: "Have you got a boat?"

BC: "My father had a fleet of them."

Melaina: "Have you ever been keelhauled?"

Surge introduces us to Captain Beckett. He shakes our hands. He hears we’re looking for passage on a ship?

Yes, we want to go to Candlekeep. We’re looking for a book to help Tarragon’s sister maybe, as well as looking for information on the shadow weave - we’re meeting Mr. Pickles there.

It’ll be eight days, and Beckett can get us most of the way there. He can get us passage on a skiff or rake to take us the rest of the way. (Someone’s been researching nautical terms.) The rest of the journey will take about a day and a half. He hears we all have skills that could help? He looks at Charity first. He's a healer? The quartermaster on Beckett’s ship is acting as a medic, and would be glad to get back to his own duties.

Charity: "I dabble."

Beckett hands Ahleqs a scroll with the layout of the ship on it. The surgeon’s quarters are in the lower gun deck.

What can Ahleqs do? He casts British Gas Thumb. Beckett will put him with Sparks, the ship’s mage, in the forecastle.

The rest of us are in cabins. Nice!

Melaina has good eyes, and is OK with heights. She will report to Aegea, his second in command. He will put Tarragon with the healer as well and also in the kitchen, as she can cook. Is Popcorn tame?

Tarragon, looking extremely uncertain: "… Yeeeeees…?"

What are Kessler’s skills? We could use her as a weight when fishing for sharks. She can also punch the shark. She ignores us and tells Beckett she can repair broken things, or modify equipment? Sounds good. Beckett looks to Gideon. You’re a dwarf, you have some skills with smithing, if we put you with the artificer -

All of us, immediately: "NO!"

Beckett leads us on to the ship, the Fallen Star. It’s enormous, and beautiful.

Tarragon waves goodbye to Surge.

Melaina is introduces to First Mate Aegea.

Gideon and Kessler are introduced to the Bosun, Girton.

Gideon says something to him in dwarfish, both look at Kessler and chuckle. Ahleqs is introduced to the ship’s mage, a young girl named Sparks.

Ahleqs: "That’s a good owl. I have got a mouse though, so… "

He resolves to keep Simon in his pocket.

The quartermaster-slash-part-time-healer, Buckla, is drunk and very jovial. He claps Charity on the back and welcomes him aboard.

Charity, disdainfully: "Have you disinfected the surgery?"

Buckla: "Yeah yeah, whatever. Come and have a drink!"

Tarragon is introduced to Lorifi, or Lolo, the ship’s cook, an older gnome woman.

Tarragon wants to know where she got her meat cleaver. "Hello dearie, welcome aboard." They immediately set about the cooking sherry.

We set sail!

At night the crew set up on the deck under the stars; the skies are clear out here and very beautiful.

The Quartermaster and Aegea used to be in a travelling circus (I think?) and they do some entertaining of an evening.

First morning at sea goes mostly without incident. It’s a beautiful clear day - until we hear a noise. All except Charity, who is on one of the lower decks in the surgery. We hear haunting singing. (Uh oh.)

Ahleqs is with Sparks, who has been directing wind into the sails. She looks concerned at the singing. Melaina makes a Perception check - a 16. (Ahleqs has been asking Sparks if she sometimes accidentally sets her friends on fire too and if so, how she goes about apologising.)

Melaina sees what Joe has labelled “Mermaid??” (That’s no mermaid.) There are two over on a sandbar.

Those on deck make Charisma saving throws. Us below deck can hear the singing, but don’t have to make saves yet. Ahleqs and Sparks both save. Sparks screams for us all to get below decks. Some of the sailors walk to the edge and drop over the side of the ship. Ahleqs starts to head below deck, until he remembers that this is probably the sort of situation he’s being employed here to handle.

Ahleqs asks Sparks if this happens a lot; she looks at him with terror in her eyes. He goes first in the order; he goes to the edge of the ship where the sailors stepped off, and looks out to see if he can see what drew them. He casts Open Character Sheet. He sees the ‘mermaids’ and the sailors, splashing about in the water and trying to swim towards the sandbar. He casts Eldritch Blast on the ‘mermaids’. (Thanks to his migraine he can now double the effectiveness of a spell which gives him 240 feet on EB.) He does 23 damage and shouts, “Let that be a lesson to you!”

From below the water, the ‘mermaids’ sprout wings and take to the sky. (Harpies? Sirens? Can sirens fly? Do harpies have fish tails?)

Out of the sea behind Melaina bursts another creature, which flies toward her. Does 18 hit her? Melaina is AFK so Matthew checks - it does. She takes 11 bludgeoning and is Grappled when the creature’s tail wraps around her and lifts her into the air and out over the water.

(Matthew informs Sophie, who is just returning, what has happened. M, OOC: “Did you ask ‘why’? I think the simple answer is ‘Joe’.”)

Melaina makes her CHA save on her turn; she can now make an attempt to free herself, but if she succeeds she will fall into the ocean. She tries anyway, choosing DEX over STR as she’s 'better at wriggling than wrestling'. (There's a dirty joke at this point which I miss, though I suspect I would omit it here anyway.) A 16 frees her; she drops into the water but takes no damage from the fall. (Sophie, unsure what to do: “Mialee would know how to solve this.”) Is there anything at sea level she can grab onto?

If she goes around the side of the ship there are ropes she can climb. Can she try to hide from the creature? Put a jellyfish on her head or something? Yes, she can make a stealth check at disadvantage, and rolls two 27s, which is, according to the DM, ‘just as well’.

Does Charity know what’s going on? He’s below deck and has been reading Carl stories with his feet up and drinking a cup of nice hot coffee. (We all hear the thundering of feet as the sailors retreat below deck, so those of us already there know something is happening.)

Charity rolls his eyes and puts down his book. He goes to the door and shouts “What’s going on?” (Matthew is briefly unsure where the door is, and finds himself shouting into a wall.) “Carl, with me.” He leaves the surgery and makes his way up.

Kessler makes her way on deck as well. What can she see from the poop deck? (Matthew OOC: "Poop deck, hee hee hee!") (Well, someone had to.) Kessler can't see the one harassing Melaina, but she can see the one still on the sandbank. What’s the range on her crossbow? 120 feet, but she’s at disadvantage beyond 80. She holds an action.

Sparks jumps over the railing (Just off the poop deck, not into the sea!) and runs toward the front of the ship. Joe shows Melaina and Ahleqs something - Melaina saw it earlier and Ahleqs sees it now. (Ahleqs casts Mage Armour.) It’s a shark! (I am the only one excited by this.)

The water turns red and there is flailing and screaming around one of the sailors. Ahleqs starts screaming too. With a good Nature check, he knows that these sharks shouldn’t be so close to shore; they are usually found in much deeper water. Sparks sees what happened and screams as one of her crew mates is ripped apart by the shark, calls it eight kinds of bastard, and shoots at it with her shortbow.

Popcorn rushes up on deck and all he can see is the tail of the shark; assuming that it must be the main threat, he stands on his back legs and beats his chest with his paws, and tries to intimidate the shark into attacking him, completely unaware that this cannot possibly work. It’s the cutest thing anyone on the deck has ever seen.

Gideon tries to persuade the bosun to go on deck and help; it fails so he goes by himself. (But, not to be outdone by a fellow dwarf, Girton reluctantly follows anyway.) Gideon sees one of the flying creatures; “What is this vile harridan??” He has a good look at what’s going on, and casts Aganazzar’s Scorcher. One of the flying harridans makes a DEX save, and passes with ease. It takes half damage, which is 8, fire. It doesn’t seem to do as much as he had hoped. Shit! He’d been hoping it would poach it.

Another creature springs out of the water and flies at Kessler. She shoots at it with her held action, but misses thanks to its seashell bikini. It swoops toward her and does a multiattack - it misses with its claws and its tail.

Tarragon joins Popcorn on deck; if she can see what he's looking at, would the DM say that she has now seen a shark? Yes, but what's the max challenge rating beast I can become? (I look it up and will let him know.) (I can only be a beast of CR1 or below and this shark is CR2 so she can’t be one yet, but she has now seen one.)

Does 17 hit Gideon? It does, and the siren grapples and kisses him with its Draining Kiss attack. He rolls a nat 20 for his save, but his HP max is reduced by 5. Ahleqs can see him; he’s looking a bit green around the gills.

Another siren bursts out of the sea (Duncan OOC: "That’s too many! This is beyond a joke now!") and looks at Kessler and does a Charm attack on her. She fails and is smitten with the thing, believing it to be her one true love. (There’s a lot of that going around.) It beckons to her. Her armour is not is swimming mode, so she could be in trouble here. Is there a big button that controls the spring under her seat?

Brother Carl looks at Aardvack, waiting for instructions. He goes up the stairs; can he see anything? He has a cursory glance around. He can see one of the sirens if he looks under the sail. He holds an action, as he has no ranged weapons.

One of the sirens dashes and says to Aardvack telepathically, “You’re going to drown.”

Ahleqs spins around to find himself face to face with two sirens, one of which is dangling Gideon from its tail. He really, really wants to cast Mage Armour, but instead he bravely cowers and casts Shatter. It fails its save and takes 21 points of Thunder damage, to which it is not resistant. He uses his movement to get out of range of being immediately grabbed.

Another siren flies over Melaina’s head, but she is hidden. Another goes to Brother Charity and does its Charm attack; he makes an WIS save. “Come and swim with me.”

Melaina uses Cunning Action to Dash and get back on board; is there anything she can hide behind to shoot these bitches? She can duck into the shadow of the mast, but she’s used her bonus action to dash. She takes a shot at one of them anyway.

(Joe tells us that rogues can use their bonus action to give themselves advantage without hiding. Duncan, OOC: "Oh so rogues can do that, but can Ahleqs steer a spell around his friends? NooooOOOooooo…")

Melaina gets a natty 20. A hit? (DM: “I’d say.”) Pierced ear: Max damage, and roll the damage die again. There is some complicated maths and some squabbling, and it’s decided that she does 43 damage. The siren shimmers, and its form changes. Woah!

Charity is up. He feels like it would be a lovely thing to pop up over the side and go and have a swim with his one true love, but he holds up a finger: “Darling, one moment.” He turns to the one who told him he was going to drown and says “I’m not going to drown, do you have any idea who I am you hideous fishwife?” and Hexes her, then Eldritch Blasts the bitch with a dirty 20 and a nat 1. 15 damage though, not bad. The one he hits also shimmers and transforms. He makes his way to the highest point on the deck and prepares to jump into the sea. Does he have enough movement to get over the rail?

He bounds over, and makes a Concentration check for his Hex as he hits the water, which he passes. (He doesn’t know about the shark. Yet.)

Kessler makes an attack on one of them as she makes her way toward the railing as well. 21 hits and she does 11 piercing and pumps Fury of the Small into it as well for another 7 points. She takes another shot - a 15 hits, for 10 more damage. It shimmers and transforms. She hits the water and sinks like a stone.

Sparks saw her go overboard - she runs to the edge and casts Water Walk on her. She is willing, as not-sinking will allow her to see her one true love, still floating in the sky above. She bobs to the surface like a cork, and can now walk on the surface of the ocean. Sparks can get a few more people with her spell as well, so she does.

The shark attacks another sailor (who was on top of the water after Sparks’ spell) and munches him in half. The water goes red around it.

Aegea shoots something with her bow.

A siren swoops at Ahleqs and hits with a 22, grappling and dealing 15 bludgeoning damage. He makes a CON save when it does Draining Kiss on him - and fails. He uses Bend Luck, but a d4 isn’t going to help a 9. He takes it back, and loses 10 from his HP max.

Popcorn Dashes to go up to the main deck but can’t reach anything; he sees the siren Kissing Ahleqs, holds up two claws and points at his eyes, then at the siren, then back at his eyes. Next turn, bitch.

Girton throws two hand axes at one of the sirens - both hit. Gideon is up - he can make an attempt to break free if he wants. Instead, he casts Gideon’s Fucking Awesome Shocking Grasp. DM rules that he will hit no matter what he rolls, as missing would be impossible. He does 13 lightning damage, but it doesn’t seem to shock her as much as it should. It laughs.

A siren does a Tail Constrict attack against Sparks - it flies over the edge and drops her. She has Water Walk though, so she floats.

Tarragon can get herself, Brother Charity, Melaina and Carl with her Water Breathing spell, so she does, and then Healing Word for Melaina. (In the heat of the moment she forgets that Carl is dead and doesn’t breathe anything, so he won’t need it.)

Gideon resists the siren’s Draining Kiss, and makes a save against it, saying “I’m old enough to be your great great grandfather!” He takes 10 damage, and his max HP is reduced by 10. The siren drops him, but looks pissed off when he doesn’t sink - he has Water Walk cast on him.

Kessler’s one true love is pissed that she’s not drowning, and rakes at her face - if she takes the damage, she can make another save versus the charm. She debates using reaction-Shield - and decides to do it. The second attack is a nat 20 against her, grappling her.

Carl can’t jump 15 feet in the air, so he can’t reach the nearest siren. Could he run to the edge of the boat and leap at the one harassing Charity? He can make a DEX check, DC12, to try. He rolls a 2 (minus 1 mod) and falls in the water. The creature he was trying to hit flies down to the water, sniffs him and discovers it has no interest in him - so it attacks Charity instead. 16 hits him, for 9 slashing damage. It goes for a grapple, but he wriggles out.

Ahleqs is the least strong of anyone, so he could DEX out or he could Misty Step if he has it? He casts Shatter again; “That’s just how I do.” He wriggles around to face the siren. “Oooh, you look awful and I don’t like it!” Oh wait - this one’s still pretty, so he doesn’t mind as much. He casts it at 3rd level. It makes a DC14 CON save and fails - taking 27 Thunder damage. The beautiful face turns ‘all fishy and angry and gross’. Ahleqs scream goes up by two steps.

This thing Melaina shot on her last turn looks ropey as hell - it dives back below the waves. Charity’s one true love tries to canoodle with Tarragon and misses so claws at her face instead and hits for 9 damage.

Melaina can now shoot at it with advantage, as it’s within melee with Tarragon. 10 misses, however. “Bollocks.” She bonus-action-hides, but rolls a nat 1. For the first time ever she is not hidden - her arms and legs are hanging out the sides.

Charity chastises Carl for jumping in the water; “You can’t even swim properly!” He shouldn’t be in salt water for too long or he’ll desiccate. (“He was pretty desiccated when I found him.")

Charity Dimension Doors himself and Charity back on the deck of the ship. (That’s definitely not a Divine spell.) He is very cross to see his one true love canoodling with his previous one true love, we’re probably swapping stories, and he’s beginning to regret coming up from below deck.

Kessler can make an attempt to free herself if she wants…? She supposes she should. She makes a DEX check and succeeds. There is a large, hungry shark in her vicinity, but she’s on top of the water. That didn’t help that other sailor, though. She has her bonus action and her movement and has obeyed the siren’s orders by going over to it, so she can move freely until it gives another instruction or the Charm ends. She climbs back onto the boat.

Tarragon hears the door slam open and hears a familiar voice. "What the devil is going on here??" Lolo appears and takes a swipe with her soup ladle at one of the creatures; she misses, but it’s still badass.

The shark does Blood Frenzy, which doesn’t sound nice at all. Does 18 hit the Grease Wizard?

Duncan OOC: “He’s wearing a dress, of course it hits him.”

Gideon, indignant: “It’s an acolyte’s robe!”

The shark bites onto him and the water around him starts to turn red. He’s not in a good way.

Aegea shoots the shark again, and hits for 21 damage including 15 sneak attack. (Ooh, a rogue!) Gideon is now out of the shark’s mouth.

The siren grappling Ahleqs is very hurt; it drops him and plops back into the water. Ahleqs pukes as a free action.

Popcorn rushes forward and slashes with his claws at a siren - it hits, and he’s very pleased even though it doesn’t do as much damage as it should.

Girton hurls an axe at the shark and hits twice for 11 damage. The axes, having done their damage, disappear. Gideon watches this happen and makes a Perception check to see which of the remaining sirens is more injured. He’s found himself in a bit of a pickle. Is the shark technically a Large creature? Not Huge? Well, that clinches it. This might not work, but can the shark make a DEX save please, as Gideon casts Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere on it. It got a 20. “Son of a bitch.”

Matthew, OOC: “I can’t let Gideon die on my watch, take Charity instead!” Gideon climbs out of the water - DM rules that the shark doesn’t get an attack of opportunity, as it’s below the water and Gideon is above it.

The siren that Popcorn attacked decides to flee, letting out a shriek to the other creatures. Popcorn makes an attack of opportunity, but misses. (Me: “Aw, balls.”) The siren grapples him, doing 14 damage, and drops him in the sea with the shark. Everyone is rightly horrified. How dare!

(I guess we’re going to find out which would win in a fight between a shark and an owlbear. My money is on the shark.)

Carl wants to hit a siren. So he does, with a dirty 20. He does 9 damage, but it gets advantage on him on its next turn. The thing tries to grab Charity but misses, so it claws him and a 15 hits. He takes 10 slashing damage. (He maintains concentration on his Hex.)

Ahleqs’ stomach is empty, but there are still loads of the sirens about. The ones around him are still beautiful; he saw one of them drop Popcorn in the water. He casts Eldritch Blast on the one nearest Aegea using Tides of Chaos. 16 hits for 3 Force damage, 20 hits for another 3. He rolls on the Table of Joy to see what colour-slash-age he turns - he becomes Invisible for a minute unless he attacks or casts a spell. He also casts Fly on a random creature within 60 feet of himself which is basically everyone at the stern of the boat. (We all want it to be the shark.) Kessler can fly now. She’s actual Iron Man!

Tarragon sees Popcorn in the water and screeches, and casts Moonbeam on the shark. It makes the save but takes half damage - it’s looking ropey.

The siren near Tarragon tries to move and gets 3 attacks of opportunity from Tarragon, Lolo and Carl - only Carl misses. The siren flies up and repeats her song. Tarragon rolls a nat20 versus the Charm - with advantage, as she’s a gnome. Charity is Charmed, and Kessler makes her save so good it breaks her previous Charm effect. Gideon is having the worst ever day, and is Charmed. He must move toward the siren on his turn. He can walk on water, so he can beeline it. Yay!

Melaina shoots at the one clawing Charity with Sharpshooter but misses. Melaina, not sounding in the least bit sorry: “Sorry Charity, I must not have been paying attention.” She protects herself by hiding, nothing if not true to herself.

Charity must move toward the siren that Charmed him - he can bash the one near him as it’s in his way. He casts Shillblblglslgsglhjjljlhhh and deals a smorgasbord of damage. 8 fire/necrotic, and 12 bludgeoning. He pushes past it. “Do you not know who I am?” He leaps off the side of the ship to get to his third one true love. The one he attacked gets an attack of opportunity, doing 11 slashing damage to him as he goes by.

Kessler has two shots and unloads one into the siren that dropped Popcorn. 10 misses. She aims at the shark - 21 hits. Yay! 5 piercing. How de do dis, Yay!! As it rears up to bite Popcorn she shoots a bolt through its face.

(Charity is singing Under the Sea while all this is happening. “There’ll be no accusations, only crustaceans, under the seaaaaaa!”)

Lolo wallops another siren with her ladle - well she tries, but misses and is furious. “Filthy, disgusting - ”

Sparks flips frantically through her spells; they’re all for ship-sailing, really. She blows the siren that dropped Popcorn away from him and out to sea a little way.

Popcorn scrabbles out of the water. He’s wet and cross and doesn’t like anything today and someone took away the shark he was about to eat, so he bites the siren attacking Aegea for 5 damage halved. He’s somewhat mollified by this.

Girton throws his hand axes again, and another siren goes hag. Gideon’s name is called; silence, until Matthew remembers he’s running the Grease Wizard today. He climbs back on board the ship. Oh - wait, no, he’s still Charmed. He plops down onto the water and moves toward his beloved.

Tarragon runs up to flank the siren in melee with Lolo and wallops it at advantage for 3 whole damage, ooooooooo.

A siren flies up and attacks Sparks - but she’s still up, it’s okay, we are reassured. Then it makes a Tail Constrict attack and Sparks goes down. The siren drops her, and she crumples to the deck.

(Is Water Walking a concentration spell? No, it just lasts for an hour. Phew!)

It attempts to flee - Aegea and Popcorn get attacks of opportunity, Popcorn misses but Aegea gets a natty 20 and rolls max sneak damage as well. It’s dead-dead-dead! Carl is up!

Carl’s going to get in trouble for this. As he was scolded for jumping in the water, he throws the only thing available to him - his mace - at the siren in the water with Charity. Whether it hits or not, he won’t have a mace any more. Plus it’ll only do a D4 plus his STR if it does hit. Twelvesies? DM lets him make a standard attack. Fifteensies? That hits, so 1D4+2. Is his mace magic? “Not in the slightest.” He does roll max damage, but it gets halved. But! That’s enough to make it shimmer and transform into its ugly form. Carl flexes. DM says anyone Charmed by its beautiful form is no longer so.

Tarragon and Lolo get attacks of opportunity as the siren between them makes a break for it - Tarragon hits with a 17 for 9 damage but Lolo misses. The siren plunges back into the ocean and is gone.

Ahleqs is a bit cross. (as Kessler zooms through the air we hear AC/DC blasting from her armour.) He casts Shatter once again, at level 4 this time. He becomes visible again as he casts. The siren rolls a 2 for its CON save and takes 30something - how-de-do-dis!

Through his tears and snot he screams "GET AWAY FROM ME BITCH!"

She bursts with a sort of flat wet sound and showers everyone with viscera 'in the usual style'. One creature left. Ahleqs takes a potion as a bonus action. The last remaining siren is the one who squeezed the life out of Sparks.

How far can Melaina shoot with her longbow? Sophie is delighted to find out that not only does her longbow have a phenomenal range, but she is also elevated and has advantage. She makes an attack with Sharpshooter and hits with a 17 for 26 sneak and 12 piercing. How de do dis! It sort of slithers back into the sea, face planting the side of the boat on the way down.

Tarragon looks over the side and sees a load of reef sharks gathering around the dead shark’s body, so she can add 'reef shark' as well as 'hunter shark' to her beast shapes. She runs forward, ignoring Charity floundering in the water (he has Water Breathing so he won’t drown) and casts Cure Wounds on Sparks. Gideon climbs back onto the ship.

The dead sirens are oozing green blood; Kessler pushes them overboard.

Well done everybody, we killed all Joe’s sirens! Those who suffered the Draining Kiss attack will remain at lowered max HP until they take a long rest or someone casts Lesser Restoration on them. We didn’t kill Gideon either, success all around.

#thetradeway #campaign diary #dnd

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rufeepeach · 8 years ago

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The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year A Bengals and Lox sequel

“Emma, tell me again why we agreed to cat sit all these little monsters?”

“Your dad and Belle are taking Ellie and Gideon to visit King Richard someone-or-other who has dragon hatchlings, which we are never ever going to pet sit when they come home with one because of course they will…”

“These guys aren’t like Mal and Lily, Emma, they’re only like, big-lizard sized for a couple years and so far as I know they don’t breathe fire for two years or talk for the first ten.”

“Okay fine. When they still look like iguanas or whatever, but you get to feed them. Speaking of Mal and Lily, they’re off on a Caribbean vacation, which is nice for some people.”

“C’mon, isn’t it nice to have a white Christmas?”

“Only when the snow is measured in inches, not feet. I keep feeling like Elsa’s snow monster is lurking in the bushes.”

“Regina is taking Henry to check out colleges because she has an in with the headmistress of Alfheim Academy that we don’t…”

“You mean because she might be a former Evil Queen with a capital E, but at least they might admit him before they realize he’s the Dark One’s grandkid?”

“You guys worked for weeks on that spell. It should keep the wards from catching fire when he crosses them, right?”

“But we weren’t sure it’d be strong enough for you, yeah. Or what it’d do to me right now.”

“Mulan took Aurora and Philip and the kids to see her family…”

“I thought her grandma wasn’t happy with the whole polyamory thing.”

“Not until she realized it meant twice the grandkids. Mushu has enough to do corralling six of them. He started faking allergies so he wouldn’t be in charge of three cats, too.”

“Is it too late to fake a cat allergy?”

“Considering they sleep all over you like their personal sunny spot? Yeah. Also Paradise adores you.”

“I get to name the next pet. Tell me again why I put up with a wannabe beat poet?”

“Let’s see. I enable your bearclaw addiction, I foisted most of the cat bonanza off on the dwarves and Anton, I’m always first through the door when we visit dad—“ “Okay, after the second Roleplay Wednesday incident, I’ll give you that one.”

“Dad offered us a forgetting potion. You wouldn’t still think it was funny if you hadn’t taken it.”

“Yeah, so long as he got some too. I would’ve ditched the “no non emergency magic” thing, and I think he was more embarrassed than you. Belle thought it was funny…”

“Look, I’ll let you go first next time and you can get another eyeful of sparkly scaly dark sorcerer and his little maid. I didn’t even know he still had all their clothes from back home.”

“Not that they were wearing many by then, judging by your face afterwards.”

“I’d wish that you’d walk in on your parents, but I doubt your mom knows what roleplay is.”

“…”

“You’re kidding.”

“After the last time Snow walked in on them, Belle explained. And then found her her old bandit gear in the back of your dad’s shop.”

“So that’s why you don’t stop by their place unless they invite you?”

“Hearing about your dad and Belle was bad enough.”

“So you’re not into roleplay, huh?”

“Neal…”

“C’mon. You never even thought about it?”

“I’m not the maid outfit type and I’d probably shoot myself in the foot with an arrow.”

“Hey, Sheriff Swan, look at me shoplifting all this stuff! You should arrest me, officer! Is that a gun in your holster or are you just happy to see me? Ooh, handcuffs!”

“Neal Cassidy, you’re under arrest.”

“I’m innocent! It was the six-fingered man! I was out of town! Diamond necklace? What diamond necklace? I—“

“You’re sentenced to three months community service.”

“…”

“For starters, you can empty the litter box.”

“Emma—“

“That’s Sheriff Swan to you, buster… then you can go get some more bearclaws and, um, give me a foot massage.”

“Henry’s gonna be creeped out if his little sibling is a bear cub or something from all the bear claws. Don’t you want some pickles? Ice cream?”

“Bear claws. And, uh. Hmm. Apples. And a big salad, and mac and cheese.”

“Granny’s takeout it is.”

“And a foot massage.”

“And after that we’ll see about the handcuffs.”

This was done on my phone, sorry for any resulting formatting fuckups. Hope it makes up for the maybe depressing advice asks I sent earlier. *more hugs*

---- Thank you so much! This really made me smile ❤️❤️❤️

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thetradeway · 4 years ago

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Session 41 17 Apr 2021: Wait, a TRAP door? Ahleqs casts Mage Armour.

Duncan is walking back from the opticians, so we start a little bit late. Ed is also going to be late, but he says to go ahead without him and he’ll catch up.

Mr. Pickles has a gift for Ahleqs (which Joe forgot until this week…)

Should be fun riding through the streets of Waterdeep - until he gets done by animal rights activists.

Matthew reminds us of what Brother Charity and Gideon did at the end of the last session - the buddy cop movie, during which they got some names of some people. (He explains in a very sketched out way until Sophie asks him to clarify a bit further, ‘like I was asleep or something’.) (For those who weren't there at the time, she *was* asleep.)

Mirt, Harper’s quest, Maxeene, talking horse, ride around the city, inn with a glory hole in it, disguised selves, names of a sun elf fellow and a half orc lady. Timothy P. Fuckapple and Thunderbuns, ah yes. (apparently Matthew was going for Danny Dyer, but he’ll take Ross Kemp.)

“That was exhilarating!” Charity says to Gideon as they flee down side alleys.

(Joe shows us an image of Undermountain, the dungeon under the Yawning Portal.)

(holy shit.)

We pick back up at the Dagger. Kessler wanted to ask Shanks about procuring us a book to offer the monks at Candlekeep. (Joe shows Melaina her new weasel…)

Kessler and Ahleqs arrive back at the Dagger, shortly followed by Charity, Carl and Gideon. Kessler points and laughs at Gideon’s disguise.

Tarragon has gone to find Renah and challenge her to an arm wrestle, loser buys drinks. Matthew worries that it might turn into a bar fight. Ahleqs: “It’s all fun and games until someone throws a dwarf.” Tarragon wins 18-21, and asks for a half an ale. “I’m very small and I’m not used to drinking.”

The others are deciding how to contact Shanks about the book. Ahleqs asks at the bar what would be the best way to get in touch. Ria and Jirr are tending bar tonight. Ria isn’t sure who Ahleqs means when he asks for Shanks. She offers to ask the other staff, and has a chat with Jirr.

Jirr can get a message to Shanks for us. Or - do we want to meet her? That might be better. Jirr will organise a meeting in the cellar. This might take a day or so to arrange.

Do we need preparations or supplies for the journey to Candlekeep? (Shopping episode! Somewhere, Travis Willingham sighs.)

We probably need rations. We also need to get passage on a boat - we could ask Surge (Gunna's water genasi friend in the Docks Ward), or Larissa. Either way, to the Docks Ward!

(Charity Prestidigitations Gideon before we leave.)

Kessler debates buying a shield and goes to speak to Filiare before we go, as well. (Scribe’s note: Her AC is already 18.) He will sell her one for 7gp; she accepts, choosing a metal one with a plain front so she can add her own design. She sells her crossbow bolts as well.

Ed joins us and Charity remembers about the mad druid that Tarragon needs to speak to, but that’s not for a few days. We decide to speak to Surge first as he’s slightly less dodgy, and if he’s unavailable or can’t help, then we’ll try Larissa. We’re trying to get passage but also get paid for it, like going to a festival and pretending to be cleaners.

(Duncan gets lost on his way to the kitchen to make coffee, and finds himself in the off license buying beer.)

As we go through the streets toward the docks, a bird lands on Tarragon’s shoulder and gives her a scroll from Amithrel, giving her the name of the druid whose tome may be of use in curing Tansy’s illness. She asks the bird to thank Amithrel for her and it flies off.

Kessler: “I wonder if I could snatch that bird out of the air…”

Duncan OOC: “This whole time I’ve just been imagining you grabbing birds out of the air and eating them.”

There follows a discussion about the diets of goblins, and how much evidence there is to suggest that they really do eat babies.

Melaina makes a Perception check to get us to the Docks ward (I almost wrote Dicks ward by accident lol). We find the temple, and Surge is in the middle of it, feeding sick sailors. He sees us and recognises us, and asks straight away if we’ve seen Gunna.

Melaina, suddenly and excitedly: “Have you seen him? Not that we care about… where… he… is…”

Surge says that he saw him briefly before he left, and that he said something about visiting his father. It could take a few months for him to return.

Melaina asks about passage on a boat. Do we want to pay, or work, Surge asks us? Well, we’ve acquired some skills in recent times. He asks about what sort of skills we have. Fire magic?, Ahleqs suggests. Tends not to be popular on wooden boats.

Kessler can make stuff…? Melaina is an elf, she could make a good lookout? Tarragon is a herbalist, she can make poultices. How many are there of us? Six? Yeah, six. Seven, if you count Brother Charity. (We’ve accepted Carl as one of us.) (Charity looks wounded.)

Ahleqs makes a Persuasion check with Guidance - 25 total.

To Candlekeep, you say? Maybe the return journey as well? Space for seven, we’re looking at a cargo ship. Is there any way Surge can contact us? We’re staying at the Dagger. Surge will ask around and send word.

Brother Charity has some shopping he wants to do. Where would he find adventuring supplies? Market in the Trades Ward. He wants Healer’s kits and scroll scribing kits, that sort of thing. We like to travel in a lump; our lump arrives in the Market.

Between a lucky roll and help from Charismatic Ahleqs, Charity can have 20gp off the asking price of 70, to the shopkeeper’s chagrin.

Tarragon buys some more herbs, as she’s offered her services as a herbalist on whatever ship Surge can get us passage on. Kessler buys some healing potions.

Anyone else want to do some panic buying? Chain mail! A gun! Some big bombs! The Death Star! Nope, that’s it. We head back to the Dagger.

So - rations, and a meeting with Shanks to maybe procure a book. Gideon has a heavy supper and falls asleep in front of the fire. (Tarragon: Five bean chilli from the new vegetarian menu, and a peach liqueur.) As we sit down to eat, Jirr motions to us. We’ve got a guest.

Shanks meets us in the cellar. Can she procure rare and curious books? Ahleqs explains what it is we need - a book that the monks of Candlekeep don’t already have in their collection. What about something unique, like a journal? Are we familiar with Xanathar’s thieves’ guild?

No-one is really sure what it’s real name is. The higher ups in that guild are known as The Hand. Their master of magic is a woman called Emerine (I think?). She’s a powerful wizard, not to be crossed. But she is undertaking research in the sewers, Shanks knows where. She has a something called the Tome of Bindings. Shanks could take us there to get it? She can time it for when the wizard isn’t in.

Would this wizard part with the book, or will we have to nick it? If we time it right, she won’t be there to defend it. But she’ll likely have traps and stuff. Ahleqs asks what do we think the chances are that she has an actual Beholder there? Low, says Shanks, as the guild leader is one and Beholders are notoriously territorial and won’t put up with another close by.

It would be doing Shanks a favour, if we got that book away from her. Can we be ready first thing?

Charity: “All those in favour say Aye.”

All of us except Kessler: “Aye!”

Kessler: “I don’t see why not, I mean I’ve got no objections…”

Shanks tells us it’ll be another trip to the sewer, so get ready.

Tarragon, thoughtfully: “Do you know anyone who sells nose plugs…”

Shanks returns the following morning and leads us into the sewer. We make CON saves against the smell. Only Tarragon fails and is polite enough to lean away rather than puking on Brother Charity, which she feels is very magnanimous of her.

Shanks leads us to a new (to us) part of the sewer, where we haven’t been before. It looks in poor state of repair. She points to a locked trap door. The wizard has been seen going in and out of there. Do we need help picking the lock…?

Melaina: “I think we’ve got this.”

(Wait, a TRAP door? Ahleqs casts Mage Armour.)

Melaina checks for traps and unlocks the door with ease, and after some wrangling, Joe gets a marching order out of us. (A police car goes by in horrible Nottingham.) There’s a small delay while Joe fights his way through all the gubbins I’ve filled roll20 with (SO MANY RED DRAGONS!), and puts our tokens on the board.

Back in the charming sewers again! It’s a nice part, and doesn’t smell. It’s part of the old elven sewer.

Ahead of her Kessler sees a metal door, with a slot into which something presumably fits. She checks for traps - it is not trapped. She goes for a pick, but rolls a 12 so nothing happens. She could try impact engineering… (Is that a fancy-lady way of saying she’s going to twat it?) Melaina elbows her way to the front and does it properly.

(Gideon has had too many meads and has probably fallen asleep - or gone to the kitchen to get sausages, so the DM moves him gently out of the way.)

We are just exploring when Joe tells us to stay where we are - uh oh!

We all make STR saves except Tarragon, who is now glad she was stuck at the back.

They roll so badly that they couldn’t pass if they added all their scores together. They are hit by lightning from the pillars in the room, as well as being blown around by wind.

Kessler shoots at one of the pillars to try and discharge the magic, but is at Disadvantage because of the wind and rolls a 9. It zaps her, and she takes 13 lightning damage.

Melaina has a go but also fails and takes some lightning damage. Joe rolls 4 1s for her damage though, noice.

Ahleqs makes an arcana check to see if he can figure out this magic, but rolls a nat 1. He uses a Sorcery point to re-roll for a 17. It seems to be retaliating when attacked, and there are glyphs on the floor that zap you if you stand on them.

Kessler and Tarragon see that the winds inside the sphere seem to be physically blowing the ammunition off course. Perhaps magic might work better…?

Ahleqs tries an Eldritch Blast, and it hits. Yay! He assumes the foetal position; just as well because he gets hit with lightning.

Tarragon does a Thorn Whip, which also hits. The pillar is starting to look damaged, and she takes 17 lightning damage. Oof! Kessler fires off a Firebolt, as Ahleqs downs a potion. She hits for 3 damage and takes 15 lightning damage. Yikes.

Melaina does a magic arrow at it - or, a spell? Or Charity can do a spell, so Melaina isn’t using up a spell slot?

He does a Divine Eldritch Blast. (A what? He is a Cleric, right? Sophie, OOC: ‘He’s a sneaky bastard is what he is.’) It does 1 damage, which is just enough - the pillar breaks. He does a Cure Wounds for Kessler, and offers the same to Ahleqs.

Melaina tries the door. It is a large, metal double door. She checks it for traps - once she’s found her character sheet again. She sees the telltale signs of trappage! She sleight of hand disarms it with a 27 - “Bazinga.” She then unlocks the door. It swings open to reveal a monster - “Lock it again! Lock it again!”

We roll initiative. DM asks if one of us want to take the Grease Wizard “because I think you’ll need him”. Oh shit. Matthew and Sophie both take him so they can squabble over him.

(Sophie OOC: “What is that thing? Oh, it’s massive and it’s got a big old sword.”)

It moves forward and breathes poison on Kessler, Melaina and Tarragon. Only Melaina makes her save. If only our front-line fighter wasn’t on a boat going to see his mum!

Tarragon rages and does Cure Wounds on herself (but the other way around); Melaina casts Woundbind on Kessler, who went down after the poison breath. (How’s that shield working out?) Melaina bonus-action-disengages and backs up.

Kessler gets to her feet and goes for a Thunder Gauntlet, which misses. She stands her ground.

Ahleqs: "I stand my ground too!" (We all laugh.) He screams (part of his spellcasting ritual), and casts Fireball. It doesn’t bother trying to make the save - ah shit.

Kessler, Tarragon, Ahleqs and Gideon (and Melaina) make perception checks - we all notice that the creature absorbs the fire, and any little dents in the armour repair themselves. Matthew-as-Gideon - “Fire appears to mend it!”

Ahleqs runs away.

Grease wizard doesn’t have Enlarge-Reduce prepared, sadly. He has a go at Enfeebling it instead. He rolls an 18 and it misses.

Oh fuck…

Kessler, right up in melee range: “Run, save yourselves!”

Ahleqs, already halfway out of the room: “Way ahead of you!”

Charity casts ‘a buffing spell’ on himself to get more HP, and then shilleweghilghosllhsoaslkhhah. Carl holds an action, as there’s not much he can do.

It’s the golem’s turn. It tries to squish Kessler, who is standing right in front of it, by bringing its sword down on her noggin. It misses! But dents her new shield. Then it swings an arm, trying to slam her into the wall. That time it hits for 14 damage.

Tarragon goes for an Indiana Jones slide between its legs but fails her Dex check and hits it in the legs. (If Duncan was DM she’d have hit something else.) She tries to batter it with her quarterstaff, but misses.

Melaina hides and shoots, and hits the thing! She rolls badly on her damage, however. (Joe assures us that this fight is winnable; we all make dubious noises.)

Kessler goes for the Thunder Gauntlets and hits it for 11 Thunder damage. She uses Fury of the Small on top for an extra 7 damage. She would like to disengage for a bonus action and split her attack; after a short discussion it’s decided that she can. She wants to move behind it so she makes a DEX check - and passes! Like a greased seal she slides between its legs. She goes for her second attack, with Advantage as she and Tarragon are now flanking it. She hits again for 8 more Thunder damage.

"Are we still in the shit? We kind of are, aren’t we." Ahleqs uses all his remaining Sorcery Points to create a 4th level spell slot before screaming “GO AWAY!” at it and casting Banishment. It fails the save and disappears!

We still need the gem around its neck, which is very much phase 2 of the plan, and Ahleqs will leave that to us.

Kessler: “I would say next time make that your opening gambit?”

Ahleqs, Concentrating: “Look, let’s not waste this minute bickering.”

(DM decides that was inspired so he won’t enforce it now, but next time Ahleqs casts Banishment he will actually have to produce the spell component - something distasteful to the target. Duncan, OOC: "I may go full monkey and fling my poo at it.")

We prepare - moving to flanking positions and rerolling initiative. Tarragon goes bear and waits to re-Rage.

Bear Tarragon and Kessler both hit with their attacks of opportunity as the thing pops back. Brother Charity goes for a whack with Sheldflhjdasdlaflfghhh, and natty 20s it for triple damage - 36 total!

It’s Kessler’s turn. She punches it upside the back of the head for a 19 which misses, then natty 20s for her second hit. Max damage, then she rolls the damage dice again, yeah!

Tarragon does a multi attack and crits with her claws - bloodied nose. Max damage and roll again - she gets max damage on that roll too! She’s so pleased it’s hard to maintain her rage.

Melaina goes for a shot but misses.

Ed has woken up! He is pleased to know that Matthew, about to take Gideon’s turn, was about to Grease something. He asks how this thing feels about fire, and is warned that it loves it. He’s very disappointed until he realises that he can use his new toy.

Wait is this the main big bad, or is this on the way to the big bad?

Sophie, OOC: “We just got into this dungeon, we’re in the foyer.”

He does Phantasmal Killer! The thing makes a WIS save - at Advantage - and fails. Ed, delighted: "It’s timid and scared and frightened." It makes another WIS save on each of its turns, or takes more psychic damage; for now it takes 16.

But…

It’s immune to psychic damage - and being frightened.

That is a poor show, Joe.

Brother Charity is up, and he’s the last one before the golem. Gideon: “We’ll have to do this the old fashioned way Charity, go and stab it with a spear!”

It’s still flanked, so Brother Charity rolls with Advantage and hits it with a 26 for 12 bludgeoning damage with Shillgslahkfksjddkghglhlhllbblhh. It’s looking tatty now, yeah!

It doesn’t get its breath weapon back, phew. It attacks the bear, at Disadvantage (because it is not attacking Kessler). It hits, but she takes half damage.

It’s Coward Time! He doesn’t need to move closer so he casts Shenanigans at level 2. He expends a spell slot to regain a sorcery point. Now he casts Shatter at level 3, using the sorcery point to use Careful Spell and steer it around his friends.

It does a CON save (“I imagine it’s okay at those”) which it has Advantage on, but it’s a construct so it has Disadvantage as per the spell. They cancel each other out so it makes a straight roll, and gets a 16 which succeeds. It takes half damage though. Having covered his eyes as he cast the spell Ahleqs shouts, “Did I get it?”

We all want Carl to get the how-de-do-dis. He does Gauntlets of Helm but misses even with Advantage.

Kessler goes for the Thunder Gauntlets and hits with her second attack, for 7 thunder damage. It’s at Disadvantage to attack anyone but her again.

Tarragon does a multi attack and hits with both - and gets the how-de-do-dis! She rips it apart with her bear claws, with a horrible screeching noise of claws on metal.

We get the crystal key!

(After the dust settles, Joe reminds us of when we fought the Flesh Ripper and Melaina very cleverly hid herself on the other side of a doorway through which the Flesh Ripper was too big to fit. We look again at the map we’re on now to see that we came through a corridor that would be too big for the golem… We are so stupid.)

The crystal fits in the slot in the door, which leads us down another corridor into a study. Melaina rolls to pick the lock with a 27. We get the book, yeah!

(Next week we pick up with our old campaign, for which I DM. I will try to add an entry here, but it won’t have the same level of detail!)

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary

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thetradeway · 4 years ago

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Session 33: 20 Feb 2021: Blue Alley

My computer takes a shit so there’s a lot of waffle before we start. Finally we get going!

Mina has built a magical crossbow that doesn’t require ammo… Sus.

Joe asks if we all have pen and paper to hand - it turns out we do not. Ed has a dead battery and a sock. The reason for the paper is that we now have a pro sub on roll20 so there is some cool new stuff we can do, including automatic ammo tracking. We can also type something new into the chat box to reset after a long or short rest:

short rest: !short-rest long rest: !long-rest

select the token, then type that in the chat box and it will input a short or long rest automatically. There is more stuff as we go that Joe will introduce later.

Melaina has been elfing and grubbing about in the forest over the last five or six days. Gideon saw his friend Bromrik, who has made a mini bag of holding to keep in his sleeve for the flumph. Woah! Brother Charity rolls a persuasion check to see how much he’s raised for his charity work. he rolls a 10. He gathers 100gp for the poor. Yay!

The high druidess assures Tarragon that Tansy is still stable, in spite of what the demon told her. The woman she beat in the bar fight is called Renah Faroak, it turns out; she takes Tarragon up on her offer to go out drinking.

Melaina has been gathering supplies for us in the forest - she has secured 12 days total. Kessler has been talking to some other artificers, who want her help. I think, anyway, I was busy looking at Renah.

We meet back in the Dagger. Tarragon buys a round of drinks to celebrate Kessler’s career change. Kessler expresses some reservations about Brother Carl, who seems to have taken a lot of vows; suspiciously, it seems that everything we ask or offer him, he has taken a vow against. We make perception checks; everyone but Brother Charity spots on one of the neighbouring tables a rotund man with a walrus moustache watching us. (Based on nothing more than the moustache, Gideon likes him already.)

Kessler, as a city native, makes an Insight check - a 20. She recognises the man as one of the Lords of Waterdeep - a human by the name of Mirt. Ahleqs doesn’t wave at him. Mirt catches Kessler’s eye and approaches.

He introduces himself. He’s heard of us apparently - uh oh. Are we after adventures and possibly riches? Um, obviously. Have we heard of Blue Alley? “Is it a person or a place?” Mirt tells us that it’s a place. Kessler is familiar with it.

Blue Alley was made by a wizard. It’s a dungeon full of tricks, traps and strange monsters. The designer is rumoured to secretly observe the comings and goings and make wagers with his friends as to the outcomes. Oh, so it’s like the Crystal Maze! Or the Saw movies. Definitely one of those. At the mention of horror, Ahleqs goes a slightly paler blue.

Mirt wants us to secure a Celestite Unicorn from within Blue Alley. He’ll give us 250 gp if we return with it. Each?

“No, but the place is lousy with treasure and you can keep whatever you find.”

There’s some waffle about the definition of the word ‘lousy’ (he means there’s a lot of treasure in there, not that it’s crap treasure). Gideon bullies Mirt for a bit.

Why does he want this unicorn? He collects curios. Gideon goes to the bar to buy an ale; Filiare accosts him. He’s heard that there’s a powerful magic shield in Blue Alley.

Tarragon is down for anything, and says as much. Ahleqs pulls out a piece of parchment with ‘WWMPD’ on it (What Would Mr Pickles Do?’). He takes a big shaky breath and agrees. He will go, if he can stand behind us. Brother Charity says that Carl has taken a vow of Mystery, so he’ll come too.

Blue Alley is off Ivory Street in the Sea Ward; the cobblestones nearby are made of glittery blue stone so we’ll know when we get there. Mirt will take lodgings at the Dagger until we return, which we find a little suspicious; why does a Lord of Waterdeep want to stay in a grotty back-alley inn? We decide to stay and finish our night’s drinking; Brothers Charity and Carl must away to their prayer.

Cass comes over; was that Mirt, talking to us? She tells us that he used to run a company that hired out mercenaries. She thinks he’s having a hard time letting go. This is probably him getting his adventuring kicks vicariously. She asks what the job is; Gideon tells her about the Blue Alley and the Celestite Unicorn. She tells us Blue Alley is famous; it’s like a rite of passage for adventurers. She’s heard of a big golden door with treasures behind it.

Tarragon makes an insight check; it occurs to her that Larissa might be able to remove Ahleqs’ blue skin effect. She tells him; he says it hasn’t caused him any trouble, but perhaps it would be nice not to be blue again. For a while, anyway. He decides we will go and see about un-blueing him.

Ahleqs challenges someone to a drinking contest; just some rando in the bar. He intends to bet on himself and make a bunch of money, as he still can’t feel the effects of alcohol. Gideon points out that the alcohol might stack, and all hit him at once when the effect wears off. “‘It’s gone!’ ‘What?’ ‘Your liver!’”

Larissa will cast Lesser Restoration which should remove the blue effect on Ahleqs’ skin. She could do the alcohol one as well, but Ahleqs wants to make a bit more money off it first. Kessler grouses that now everyone will be staring at her again.

Tarragon has to decide whether to bring Popcorn; she decides to ask Ria if she will take him. She is absolutely delighted to do so. Ahleqs warns her - Popcorn has very specific dietary requirements; “he only eats absolutely anything”.

We follow Kessler and Brother Charity to the Sea Ward; the place is super rich and reeks of money. We find Ivory Street and start to look for the blue cobblestones.

Joe has prepared a fucking huge map; it takes us a moment to locate ourselves. We start off in the bottom left, on Ivory Street.

(Does Brother Charity use a shield? No, Faith is his shield!)

Ahleqs and Tarragon find the alley first. There is a permanent wall of force above it, preventing entry or escape from above. There is a sign on the wall with ‘Blue Alley’ painted on it. Bit of a clue, there. There is a podium of gleaming sodalite, upon which is a book bound in blue leather. Is it a signing in book? Ahleqs takes a look at it - with his eyes, not his hands.

From what he can see it has names in it; hundreds of them, all in different handwriting. Some have lines drawn through them. Presumably these are names of those who perished inside. He wants to go back to the Dagger; Tarragon asks where is his sense of adventure? Kessler reminds him of his mantra - WWMPD? She puts Gideon on babysitting duty. Ahleqs is mildly offended. Gideon doesn’t mind; Ahleqs has a fairly good grasp of the weave. Well, sometimes. Sometimes, the weave has a fairly good grasp of him.

Having decided it would be embarrassing to turn back now, Ahleqs thinks we should press on in spite of the crossed out names; about 25% of them are scratched through.

Melaina takes a look at the book; page after page of these names, laid out in rows. Jirr’s name is in the book - not crossed out. Have we seen her today? No, but her name is quite far back in the book so we’ve likely seen her since she was here. Melaina writes Ahleqs’ name in the book.

A great prank, but the ink fades by the time she’s finished. Kessler tries to fake Ahleqs out and pretend like he’s fading, which he buys initially but quickly works out that it’s a bamboozle.

Kessler signs her own name in the book. The wall of force will allow her through. It will not, however, let her back out. Isn’t that interesting. (We debate leaving, but eventually all write our names in the book and pass through to join her.)

We see a brightly coloured mural on the wall ahead, showing adventurers falling victim to all kinds of traps. An arrow above the mural pointing east is marked ‘silver’ and and an arrow pointing west is marked ‘gold’. Kessler wants to defer to Melaina, as she’s a rogue and has knowledge of gold and silver. Melaina studies the mural a bit more, with a 25. She notices two things: first, within the images of it, she can find pictures of all of us being horribly mutilated by traps. (Yikes! She decides not to point any of these out to Ahleqs.) In the fine details she spots a little message - 50ft south of the barred window is a secret door.

She thinks we should go west toward gold. She asks us; consensus is gold. We head west. Kessler goes first, checking for traps. Brother Charity suggests that ‘the wood elf’ should go first; Ahleqs points out that she has a name. Brother Charity says that she doesn’t like him referring to her in any way since he healed her in the bar fight without her permission. Ahleqs gives his blanket permission for any and all healing in advance.

Melaina looks for traps. Brother Charity tries to apologise again but she cuts him off before he can finish with a ‘shut up’.

She makes an Investigation check and rolls a 15. Kessler rushes ahead. She finds an ivory door with carvings of carnivorous animals eating their prey. She calls Gideon to come and open it for her.

Kessler investigates the door for traps. Rolls a 9. Brother Charity wants to investigate the door - he looks at it for visual clues in the carvings and images. He can’t find anything hidden. He believes it leads to some kind of zoo or circus. Tarragon pokes it with her OLD quarterstaff, not the NEW one. The door doesn’t open.

Melaina users her mage hand to try the handle. It turns, but the door is locked. No traps trigger.

She checks the lock for traps. It doesn’t appear trapped. She picks the lock. Would she like to open the door? Ahleqs wanted to listen at the door first.

He makes a perception check; a dirty 20. He hears nothing but the crackling of torches.

(Gideon realises, a week too late, that he gave Gunna his transmuter’s stone before he fucked off. Matthew points out that to add insult to injury, he has a weapon of +1 and a glowing stone that Kessler gave him as well. Damn if he’s not a good pirate.)

Melaina opens the door. (Joe is asking questions about exactly what she’s doing. Opening and looking, or going in? This is not good…)

Ahleqs takes a tentative step in (we shut the door behind him). As he steps through the stone walls have been whitewashed and painted with chests containing treasure, but lined with teeth. There is a real chest on the far wall, a reinforced one. There are three words painted on the wall: This, Tool, With.

Melaina, Kessler and Charity make perception checks and see teeth appear from the ceiling all around the room. Descending from it comes an enormous mimic.

Before Ahleqs can Mage Armour, it pseudopods him. He takes 9 bludgeoning damage and is now stuck to the mimic, which is going to make it very hard for him to run away.

Roll initiative!

Gideon goes first. No, Kessler says that she goes first as she has a higher DEX mod. She fires her new crossbow - 11 DOES NOT HIT, but 25 does.

Gideon forgot to prep new spells, “what a doofus”. He goes for a shocking grasp - or a chill touch? He makes a grab, at the risk of getting gorilla glued himself, for a shocking grasp. And is, in fact, gorilla glued.

The mimic takes a chunk out of Ahleqs. Then it tries to drag its snackettes into a corner.

Tarragon rushes in, intending to do a thorn whip if she is close enough - and finds that the room is much smaller than she imagined, and she is now in melee range of the mimic. Shit! Not what she had planned. She swings at the mimic with her new quarterstaff and hits, but finds herself stuck to it.

Melaina crits and does 41 points of damage - all of us that are stuck to it feel it convulse. It did not like that one little bit. Nice shot Melaina!

Ahleqs casts Misty Step, getting out of the danger zone and the grapple. He does an Eldritch Blast for good measure. He is very frightened, so he uses ToC even though we’re all in close quarters. He hits with both, and a modron appears.

Brother Carl looks at Brother Charity, does some Jason Voorhies breathing, looks at Melaina and realises he can’t get in to the room because of all the people in the way, so he holds his action. If something comes out of the door he will punch the shit out of it. Brother Charity heals Ahleqs. Ahleqs’ opinion of him goes up by a great deal; Melaina gives him a withering stare.

Kessler takes another couple of shots with her crossbow; the first crits. She rolls on the table - max damage, and she has advantage on attacks against it for 1d4+1 rounds. Nice.

14 just hits. Good to know, but it doesn’t matter because - How-de-do-dis!

She explodes it, sending chunks of mimic all over those of us who were grappled.

The reinforced chest on the wall is closed but appears to have no lock. It could be another mimic, but Gideon is prepared to take that chance. He kicks it open. He has found 24gp, 267sp, small bronze bell and a silver key wrapped in a piece of cloth. 57 sp each, everyone else gets 5gp and he’ll take the four. The bell doesn’t sound until five minutes after it is rung. A fun little trinket; he stashes it away for pranks later on.

Joe goes to make some coffee; for some reason the conversation turns to butt implants. They are shaped like jelly tots, apparently, free floating under the skin. Joe helpfully provides an image on the WhatsApp of one that has flipped over. Ed deletes it (only to realise later on that WhatsApp has saved it to his phone).

Gideon finds a door at the top of a short flight of stairs, but there is no keyhole. He knocks. It is not locked. “Boot it open?” he asks us. Chorus of “Boot it open!” He boots it open to see a 20x20foot pasture with lush grasses and blue sky overhead. There are silver plated ox skulls with runes carved on the horns in two little alcoves to the north and east of the enclosure. There is a water trough in the corner between them, and a tree in the north west corner.

Gideon investigates the troughs, and sniffs the water. There is something strange about it! He takes a look at the grass and trees but there’s something in his eye oooh ahhh oh no.

Melaina takes a look at the skulls. The runes look magical. The geometric pattern on the wall of the silos is a repeating pattern of a key.

Gideon tells us that the water, grass, and bushes are all an illusion. (I can’t tell if Ed is serious or if this is the result of a poor Investigation check.) (Nope - he’s serious, they are illusory.)

Ahleqs makes an Arcana check on the runes, which are magical but not a language. He feels a strong urge to grab the bull by the horns, which runs counter to everything he stands for.

Ahleqs grasps the horns. The door behind us slams shut and we hear:

“MOOOOO!”

Oh fuck.

(Brother Carl is just inside the door with us; he knocks on the now closed door. Nothing happens.)

As Ahleqs touched the horns, Tarragon and Melaina notice that the horns on the other skull glow faintly. Gideon asks Charity to grasp the other horns. (”Pushing buttons willy nilly, what can go wrong?”) Brother Charity does so.

We, rather predictably, roll initiative.

(Charity: “Carl, protect my soft squishy body!”)

Gideon makes a perception check before the fight begins - gets a natty 20. Hanging around the neck of the minotaur that has appeared is a key made of ivory. It’s a similar size to the one he found in the last room. He asks the minotaur nicely to hand over the key. It snorts, and even from five feet away Gideon gets a faceful of minotaur snot.

As Brother Charity removes his hand from the horns to attack, the minotaur disappears, taking the key with it. Ah. So two people have to be holding the horns of both of the skulls, in order for the minotaur and his key to appear.

Ahleqs suggests putting hands on horns, mage handing the key, and letting go again. Gideon thinks we should put a pile of sharp things where we think he will reappear.

Perhaps we should sing it a soothing cow song?

Brother Charity and Ahleqs take hold of the horns again. (Gideon, to the newly reappeared minotaur: “Greetings!”) Gideon waffles on at the minotaur while Melaina does her Mage Hand - as she’s an arcane trickster rogue, it’s invisible to everyone but her.

Joe suspends the initiative order while Melaina makes a sleight of hand check. The minotaur advances on Gideon, swinging its axe. It misses, and Melaina rolls a 23, snatching the key. The minotaur’s axe is stuck in the ground at Gideon’s feet; he kicks it.

Ahleqs lets go of the horns - the minotaur disappears, but so does the key. Well, balls.

Melaina makes an insight check (retroactive - while she still had the key in her possession). The markings on the key look very similar to the ivory door behind which we found the mimic. So we might not need this key… But we do need to get out. We think it’s probably the case that the door won’t open until we best the minotaur.

(The door we came in through to the pasture was made of wood. Will we find a wooden key, later on?)

Whoever is grasping the horns must use both hands, which is unfortunate as it means that they can’t fight. Gideon suggests wrapping the horns in leather, maybe that will fool them.

Melaina tries to climb the tree, but her hand goes straight through it. She could hide behind it, if the minotaur doesn’t know it’s an illusion.

Carl could grab the horns of the bull if Ahleqs wants to make use of his magic, Charity offers? Ahleqs agrees. Brother Charity says that although he will be out of the fight, he can mop us up afterward.

Initiative time! Brother Charity uses his action to hold the horns, as does Brother Carl. Kessler is up.

She uses her crossbow and hits both times. The minotaur hits Gideon with its great axe, doing 15 damage. It’s his turn. Is it wearing armour? It is wearing not as much as we would like, but yes it is. (The DM tells us that this minotaur is anatomically correct, which sucks for the shorter members of the party. Duncan OOC: “That counts as an improvised weapon.” We all immediately throw up.) Gideon shocking grasps its dick, and it lets out a howl - which the DM goes to great lengths to inform us is a pained howl, not... Anyway. Moving on.

Melaina hits it for 23 damage. She makes a hide attempt, and is successful.

As a bonus action Ahleqs dry heaves. Then he casts Shatter at 3rd level with careful spell so he doesn’t get Gideon.

It hits; the minotaur grunts, and Gideon is covered in a second layer of minotaur snot.

Both Brothers continue to hold their horns. (lol.)

Kessler fires her crossbow again and does some solid damage.

Tarragon Entangled the minotaur on her turn, so it can’t move. It attacks Gideon from where it is, and hits with a 23 for 26 slashing damage. Grease wizard is AFK so he’ll have that to look forward to when he gets back. It’s his turn though, so we have a little discussion. If that thing had got a nat 20 with its attack, it could have killed Gideon. Maybe we should bust out the big guns…?

(Ed, upon returning, and being told that the 26 damage in the chat is for him: “Ah, thank you.”)

What’s Gideon doing, apart from bleeding? He will cast Ray of Enfeeblement! He rolls a 9 to hit, which doesn’t. He moves away, as the thing is restrained.

How many hundreds of points of damage would Melaina like to do? Well, none, because she misses. Dammit.

Ahleqs casts - oh fuck! - Fireball! He uses Careful Spell again, phew. 27 points of damage if the minotaur fails its DEX save - which it doesn’t, it just makes the save. Shit. Ahleqs hates that. It takes half of 27. Wait - he can use Bend Luck to force it to take a d4 off its save so it does take 27 damage. Yeah!

Tarragon gets the how-de-do-dis. She hits the minotaur with her quarterstaff, shattering his ankles, and he falls on his face. Around his neck is the key which we no longer need, but the doors behind us open. Melaina picks up the key anyway, as she likes shiny things. Brother Charity heals Gideon for 19 points.

We move on; Gideon finds another door. He investigates with a 14. We wait for Joe’s computer to catch up. (While we wait, Ahleqs decides that Mage Armour is his signature move.)

Is the door trapped? It is not. Gideon busts in there! Tank Wizard. (Brother Charity, imperiously: “Brother Carl - with Gideon.”) Behind the door are some stairs. They are covered with a rug with geometric patterns; it is exquisite. Running down the centre of the stairs Melaina spots some sort of glue.

Simple enough - we roll up the rug! Or avoid it. Or - the opposite of glue is grease…

We decide to roll up the carpet. Brother Charity wants to know is it nice? Does this count as vandalism? Yes it is nice, so probably yes it does.

We manage to pick up a corner, but the carpet is glued in place. Kessler suggests setting fire to it. Melaina reckons with a DEX check we could avoid the glue in the middle. She has a go at skipping up the side. She basically somersaults to the top with a nat 20. Sophie: “Bazinga!”

Brother Charity rolls a 7 and stands right in the glue. Ahleqs does the same with a 13.

Kessler suggests that Tarragon become a spider; then she could walk up the wall and avoid the glue entirely. Tarragon debates, but doesn’t want to waste a beast shape. She has a really good look at the glue and makes her DEX check at advantage like Melaina, waltzing up with an 18 total. Kessler has a look as well with her Observant feat, with a 21. She makes a stealth check for some reason and rolls a 4, to her own great amusement. She makes a DEX check instead and gets a 20, making it to the top.

Brother Charity, stuck on the stairs, makes an Investigation check on the glue with a nat 20; this is specially formulated very strong glue. He steps out of his shoes and goes back down (this is all very Home Alone) but has to make a DEX check in order to not fall over and get his face stuck to the stairs. He rolls a ten. He is now stuck by his face.

Gideon, for some reason, also manages to make it to the top.

A magic mouth appears at the top of the stairs. “Laughter is the best medicine - make me laugh!” Melaina directs its attention to the priest stuck to the stairs by his face.

This is as funny to the mouth as it is to the rest of us, so it laughs and Brother Charity becomes unstuck. Ahleqs remains glued in place, however. He tries mage hand but it only succeeds in pulling his jumper over his head leaving his ears sticking out; fortunately the mouth finds this as hilarious as we do, and he becomes unstuck also.

Carl can investigate for glue so he does. He rolls a nat 20 - very fortunate, as his modifier is a minus 3. He rolls 12 on his DEX, however, and gets stuck. The mouth tells us to make it laugh.

Gideon: “Did you hear about the knight who fell from a cliff and lived? They call him Sir Vive!” We hit him. He makes a performance check - but wants to try another joke first.

“An elf walks into a club - and takes 1d6 damage!” This makes me laugh, so Joe allows it and Brother Carl becomes unstuck. What an excellent session of dungeons and dragons!

Mina pops out to go to bed, and Gideon immediately suggests throwing Kessler down the stairs.

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thetradeway · 4 years ago

Text

Session 22: 5 Dec 2020

Joe has turned off Fog of War to speed things up since it’s daytime and we’re on a large map. Matthew has taken over Ahleqs for Big D Smalls. Ed isn’t here yet but hopefully he’ll turn up by the time we get to his turn. There’s some fucking around with roll20, then Ed announces on the group chat that he will be there in 30 so I take over Loremaster Gideon for a minute.

Bear-Tarragon eats a goblin, and Gideon does an “Acid Splash” (complete with old man wizard voice, you’re welcome Ed).

Ahleqs has a fit of uncharacteristic bravery (with one hand over his eyes, squinting through the gap in his fingers) and casts Burning Hands, killing a warg rider and a goblin and burning the ogre - everything in the cone is engulfed in fire as Ahleqs blindly screams and waves his hands around. All that’s left is a little pile of soot that blows elegantly away in the wind. Ahleqs is left hyperventilating, then spots that the ogre isn’t dead and wees himself again. DM awards inspiration.

Melaina Bonus-Action-Hides, and Sharpshoots for a 17 which hits a warg and does 33 points of damage. DM, laughing: “He is very dead, how?” He falls into the river and floats slowly away.

After Gunna’s terrible luck last week, he hits a goblin by running it through and kicks it off the blade in such a way that it falls in half, then roars with glee.

(Duncan has texted, can he request that after Ahleqs’s action, he bursts into tears and gets a nosebleed from the adrenaline comedown. There’s more but it’s for after the fight so Matthew will save it for an appropriate time)

An ogre and a warg rider bring Tarragon back to gnome form. Ahleqs manages to kill the ogre with an Eldritch Blast, screaming like he’s in Dragon Ball Z, bright blue with his beard of feathers rippling in the wind, and the ogre bursts, its gore splattering to the ground and dropping the cage of goblins on his back. Ahleqs continues to scream for the next six seconds until his turn comes around again. Weeping, pissing, nose bleeding, blue skin, beard of feathers and all. Wonder what the halflings think of him.

(Ed arrives; he’s been cooking a whole deer. As you do. He and I co-pilot Gideon for a while until he can open up his laptop.)

Melaina kills a warg, knocking it into a pile of firewood where it spontaneously combusts.

Gunna throws a hand-axe at a goblin; none of his cohorts are there to see him look cool, which is a shame, because he hits and kills it. It dies with an axe buried in its face.

Ahleqs reaches the end of his scream and Eldritch Blasts another goblin, which dies. He does ToC and rolls a 67; he is now Frightened of the nearest creature to him (Melaina). (Sadly he does not throw sweets in the air.) He runs away from her.

(DM points out that she could shoot him in the back if she wanted.) It’s her turn; she isn’t sure if the boar that has arrived on the scene is friend or foe, so she ignores it for now and sharpshoots at a goblin instead, hitting it for 22 points; it had four left. Her arrow pins it to the dead warg.

Gunna makes a Perception check; nearby, he hears the footsteps of something large. Fuck.

He pulls his axe out of the goblin’s face, and throws it at another goblin’s face. He hits for 9 damage and kills it when the axe goes through his head and splits it in half from brow bone to chin. It announces that it has a headache (in goblin) and slumps to the ground. He laments that his party are not here to see it and that there are no bards either to record tales of his heroic deeds. So ends Captain Gunna’s Turn.

Tarragon rages; the halfling boar drops her form and heals her. Tarragon is raging too hard to notice.

Ahleqs finds another Goblin Squad. Another ogre stumbles onto the field from the South. (Gunna’s god speaks to him and tells him to tread carefully. Oh Fuck. We might actually die; that is DM speak for ‘you might actually die’.)

Now Gunna is separated from us to the north side of the map, and Melaina and Ahleqs have both gone off to the east. This could be dangerous. Gunna wants to throw more axes, but is feeling nervous after the warning from his god and the footsteps he heard a minute ago. However, he is in the fits of battle glory, and has made a successful stealth check, so he throws one anyway. It misses, but only just.

Uh oh.

Joe rules that it did hit, if only to speed things up. (lol.)

Ahleqs gets hit a lot by goblin shortbows. Melaina also takes one. He takes 11 piercing damage, but don’t worry! They’re not done yet! One misses, another misses (but only due to his most recent ToC roll.

Kessler is up. She flings some lightning at it with a 19 and does 8 points of damage. She moves toward Ahleqs and Melaina.

Popcorn runs at the ogre, bites its toe off and eats it. The new gobbos have got it out for Ahleqs; one more misses but another hits. Melaina is trying to convince him to hide in a barrel of sheepskin; it sounds a lot like flirting. A warg attacks him - he makes a STR save and actually makes it, screaming for Mr Pickles to guide his actions. He sneezes and the beard falls off.

The new druid halfling runs up to the ogre next to Tarragon and attacks it with her. Tarragon, still raging, barely notices.

Ahleqs does ToC and accidentally summons a modron; it scurries up Melaina’s arm and sits on her shoulder. Ahleqs casts Misty Step and teleports away from the gobbos leaving Melaina to face them alone. (As an aside, Matthew has changed Ahleqs’s name in roll20 to Ahleqs the Cowardly.)

Gideon tries a spell and it fails, so he uses the rest of his turn to wash a bit more exploded goblin out of his beard in a water barrel.

Melaina is attacked by a warg and takes 8 damage. She is not knocked prone though. She stabs it (well, she tries, and gets a nat 1) then Bonus-Action-Disengages and hops the wall to get away from it. She hides in the barrel of sheepskin and pretends to be a sheep.

Gideon is attacked with an arrow and it hits; he takes 4 piercing. The goblins on the orc shoot at Tarragon, Popcorn and the new druid, all hit. The ogre takes a swing at Tarragon with its mace, but misses with a nat 1. Hah!

Kessler is hit with an arrow and takes 6 piercing. Gunna stealths a bit more. Then Matthew starts making scared noises; he’s found something that even Gunna thinks is scary, and doesn’t do an accidental wee at all.

Oh Shit.

He uses an action surge to have another round of running away.

Oh Shit!

Ahleqs and Melaina make Perception checks; Melaina sees ALL.

Ahleqs sees not much. Melaina hears crashing and hurried movement from around the building and sees Gunna skidding into view, clearly fleeing. He readies an attack for if anything (including one of us, Matthew specifies) comes within range.

Ahleqs and Melaina get hit with more arrows. They both watch the ogre scrabble up the wall to try to get to them, but it fails and slips back down. A goblin shoots at Kessler and misses. Two more do the same. Where are they all coming from?

Ahleqs requests a long rest. Kessler turns around and sees the goblin horde that Ahleqs has disturbed. She shoots at the ogre with her lightning launcher - it’s looking rough.

Popcorn eats another toe; he swallows it whole and makes a pellet. He’s getting the taste for blood, and Tarragon will be very proud when she stops raging.

Tarragon rage bludgeons the ogre to death, screaming and covered in blood. Melaina isn’t doing great and neither is Ahleqs, but Tarragon doesn’t know that so she goes Raging Bear.

Ahleqs: Doth the light shine on the awesome of my life and yadda yadda and ooh hey a healing potion! Hm, to cast a spell and flee, or to flee and cast a spell? Decisions, decisions. He decides to do something foolhardy, shouts “MR PICKLES WATCH OVER ME”, and casts Burning Hands at level 2. He uses a sorcery point to increase the range. 18 fire damage on fail, half on success. He kills two goblins and injures two wargs, and misses Melaina. Nice. The wargs are still alive though, so Ahleqs takes a step back with his hands in the air and says ‘Now, wait, listen” and that’s as far as he gets.

One of the wargs scrambles up the wall and fails to bite Ahleqs. He is delighted. “WITNESS ME!”

Melaina wants to hide; she could bonus action disengage and then use her action to hide, but then she can’t stab anything in the eye, so she’s reluctant. She stabs the warg and misses, moves away and takes the attack of opportunity. It hits and does 8 damage and forces a STR save. She fails and is knocked prone, now forced to use half her movement to get up. She manages to limp away and hide, however. She licks her wounds.

It’s getting late so Joe calls it there.

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary

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