#pierre and his harem of men

[river-ocean]

a little drabble for the calamars club emoji challenge! 🐙❤️💙

you can read the ficlet on ao3 here 🥰

The last thing Carlos wanted today was to get involved in someone else’s relationship troubles. But when that person is his teammate, and when that teammate is blasting Justin Bieber’s That Should Be Me loud enough for Carlos to hear it through the wall, he really doesn’t have a choice. He pulls out his phone with a sigh and makes a call.

———————

Pierre furrows his brow when he sees that Carlos Sainz is calling him.

“Hello?” he answers, trying not to sound too perplexed.

“He must have seen pictures from the cooking video,” Carlos says.

“Who — oh,” Pierre responds, knowing the answer before he can even finish the question. He has to bite back a laugh. Charles has a tendency to get a bit jealous when he sees Pierre interacting with other men, and Pierre would be lying if he said that he wasn’t being a little flirty with Jack today.

“How bad is it?” he asks Carlos.

“Well, so far he has played That Should Be Me and You Belong With Me, and now it’s…” Carlos pauses a moment before adding, “Olivia Rodrigo?”

Pierre winces. He probably needs to do some damage control.

Because the thing is, Pierre has been waiting for Charles to admit that he’s jealous. Pierre has been waiting for Charles to admit that he feels something for Pierre, something more than the friendship they’ve shared for 20 years.

—————————

Charles tries to shake himself out of the funk he has been in all morning. He knows he has no right to feel jealous, not when he can’t even bring himself to tell Pierre how he really feels. But every time he sees Pierre laughing with another man, every time he sees another man look at Pierre the way he knows he looks at Pierre, he feels something deep in his chest that he can’t let go.

He walks out of the Ferrari garage with his head down, not bothering to talk to any of the team on his way out. He just wants some space to clear his head.

But he promptly runs directly into someone the moment he crosses the threshold. He stumbles backwards and looks up, only to lock eyes with the one person he didn’t want to see.

“Calamar, please wait,” Pierre starts, and Charles takes another step back, backing himself right back into the garage. He can’t have this conversation right now.

“Non, Pierre, I have a meeting to go to,” Charles says, still backpedaling until he bumps into someone else.

He stumbles and turns around, coming face to face with Carlos.

“I called him. You two need to sort this out, because I am tired of hearing your sad songs every time there is a photo of Pierre with another man,” Carlos says firmly.

Charles glares at his teammate, and then looks back to Pierre who is biting back a grin.

“You are a traitor, Carlos,” Charles says through gritted teeth.

“Okay Olivia Rodrigo, let’s go have a chat,” Pierre chuckles, and Charles wants to wipe that fox-like smile right off his face.

But mostly, he wants to kiss it off. Especially when Pierre slips an arm around Charles’ waist and starts leading him away from the garage.

Charles sighs and allows himself to be led away, trying to push down the jealousy he feels when he thinks about Pierre’s arms around another man’s waist.

“Charlo, I — ”

Charles cuts him off. “I do not like seeing pictures of you with other men, Pierre. I know that I should not feel so jealous, and that you are allowed to have other friends, but every time I see a photo of you…flirting with anyone else, I wish that it were me. And I maybe should have said something when I started feeling this way but I do not know what this means and I — ” he pauses, takes a breath.

“I think I have feelings for you, Pierre,” he says quietly.

“I know, calamar. Would you like to go on a date when we get back to Monaco?” Pierre asks with a smile.

[drivestraight]

☕️ chestappen

i really do think that checo and max are like the perfect duo for like. media. as in they hold the same amount of hatred for it. they both hate doing it and it’s always really fun to see how they’ll either a) cheat in the games [re: that one austria thing they did with pierre/yuki and they stole the other boat’s key and pierre looked like he was abt to cry while chestappen were literally 😂🫵 at him], or b) try to end the game as quickly as possible [re: the water game they did with daniel, compared to charlos who took it VERY seriously; max kicking that ball into the parking lot, etc.]. it’s somewhat different to me from what alex and max were bc u could see alex in real time losing his will to live and it’s not rly like that with checo bc checo at least sometimes keeps up…….. grain of salt with that statement bc of whatever the middle third of 2023 was……

i do enjoy how checo like. surprises max a lot with some of the things he does (literally just running the rc car into the water and being like 😀 it’s just water right? as if he didn’t just destroy like hundreds of $$ of material).

the whole “he also has a daughter!” thing kills me.

brazil 22 was so incredibly funny to me. max holding that grudge for months like a cartoon villain giving a speech explaining why he did his evil little deed.

and i think unlike max’s other teammates he’s thoroughly beaten, it’s nice to see that checo like… isn’t utterly demoralized. #nevergiveup. maybe it’s delusion but it’s also nice to see. also max can get like… really dismissive and patronizing about other people without really noticing it/without doing it on purpose and it’s just especially funny with checo bc either checo just holds himself back or like is zoned out and doesn’t care.

if you throw lewis into the equation and it’s infinitely funnier also

and there’s max’s whole thing with old men & milfs.

tldr checo is part of the max’s omega harem to me… i’ll probably be sad in retrospect when he’s sacked at the end of the year

[sweet-dreams-are-madd-of-this]

A really long list of all the paras I’ve killed in all paracosms I’ve ever had:

— Noel: My parame. In one paracosm it was suicide. In another he was murdered. But in the main one it was a plane crash accident.

— Lucía: Noel’s big sister. She went to war and never came back.

— Amy: Noel’s american friend. She hung herself right after giving birth to Coraline.

— Kenya: Noel’s classmate and crush from Primary school. Noel decapitated him. He kept the head in this basement.

— Dimitri: Noel’s abusive ex when he was 24-25. In the main paracosm Pierre killed him. In an alternative one Noel did it.

— Violett: Noel’s 16-years-old wife in an alternative paracosm. She comitted adultery. The village murdered her for that.

— Rita: Noel’s very first cat. A dog bit her torso so hard her guts came out. Noel had to finish her with a gunshot straight to her head.

— Random dog: Rita’s ‘murderer’. Another headshot for this one.

— Menta: Rita’s daughter. She just disappeared one day and never came back.

— Jorge | Patitas: Noel and Pierre’s third pet who turned out to be a ‘werewolf’ witch familiar. Died during a magic battle against wizards while protecting Pierre

— Coronel: A dobermann Noel adopted after Jorge. Died of an embolism.

— Noel’s aunt: She tried to poison Noel in order to throw him out of the throne. She was sentenced to death.

— The lions: A medieval lion and lioness were killed by Noel and France’s king during a challenge to see what monarch was stronger.

— Noel’s parents: The media said it was double suicide. However, years later Noel suspects his dad actually shot his mom and then himself.

— Some men from the mafia: They were Dimitri’s men. They broke into Noel’s house, so he got rid of them.

— Pierre’s lover: Noel found out Pierre cheated on him. He forced him to torture and kill the girl as an apology.

— Pierre’s childhood friend: He confessed Noel he was in love with Pierre. Noel felt threatened. So he stabbed him in the chest with a kitchen knife. 

— The detective: Met Noel during the investigation of Pierre’s childhood friend’s murder. A year of friendship later he discovered Noel did it. So Noel kidnapped him and forced some rats to pierce his torso and eat him alive.

— The shooter: Two men tried to do a shooting during a Youtube event. Noel took their guns and shot them both. One in the head. The another one in the leg. Only the latter survived.

— Noel’s medieval-era lover: The villagers found out about their homosexual affair so they burned him at the stake.

— The ‘angel’: A time-traveler from an alternative timeline who tried to kill Noel for all his wrongdoings. Noel killed him first and stole his more advanced time-traveling machine. 

— The foreign king: He kidnaped Noel in an alternative paracosm and forced him to be his sexual slave in his harem. Noel poisoned him.

— The pharaoh’s wife: Noel was the pharaoh’s lover. His wife got jealous and tried to poison Noel. The pharaoh found out and executed her publicy.

— All patients, nurses and doctors of a mental hospital: Noel wanted to know what jail felt like. He went overboard with the crime.

— 1/3 of prisoners in jail: At first Noel only killed the ones who were too sassy. Later he set for himself the goal of killing them all under the guards’ noses just for fun.

— A few random citizens: Both from the serial killer that was active during Noel’s childhood and all the people Noel assasinated while he was a hitman.

— Some kids from a Primary School: By befriending a serial killer, Noel naively helped the man kill a few of his classmates.

— A whole village: The magic paracosm again. Noel couldn’t control his newly discovered powers and killed them all at once.

— The entirety of the planet Earth: Noel was the president and had access to the nuclear weapons. He was also feeling very depressed. Boom. His husband and children included.

— The whole universe: Noel became God at the cost of destroying everything