The Many Deaths of Fabian Cortez
Once again, @thecorteztwins inspired me to write something stupid about Fabian, featuring his many deaths and resurrections on Krakoa as he annoys every woman on the island.
Warnings for the usual level of Fabian-style sexual harassment and groping. A couple of the deaths are gruesome, but nothing described in much detail. One of the deaths got a little more angsty than funny, sorry about that. Also sorry for any continuity mishaps, I’m not familiar with a few of the characters in here. I characterized Chrome and Delgado based on thecorteztwin’s headcanons for the personalities. Under a read-more, because this sucker wound up long.
The first time it happened was when Fabian made the monumental mistake of flirting with Selene. He’d already been trying his luck (meaning “pestering and in some cases straight- up assaulting”) with some of the gentler, less violent mutants. Dr. Cecilia Reyes simply covered her body with a forcefield when he attempted to grope her, then pushed him aside when he persisted. Wallflower used her pheromones to induce a jolt of fear that sent him scurrying away. Sooraya shifted into a cloud of dust and reformed on the other side of the island after Fabian commented that it was a waste for a beautiful woman like her to cover herself completely (Icarus promptly punched Fabian in the nose to “discourage” him from trying again). Meggan played dumb blonde and asked Fabian to explain, several times, what exactly he meant by “Does the carpet match the drapes?” She finally flew off when he failed to recognize the obvious brush-off.
So Fabian was brimming with unearned confidence – because the women’s non-homicidal attempts to rebuff him had been, in his mind, “playing hard to get” – when he decided to approach the former Black Queen.
“Well, it’s your funeral, man,” Dominic said, lifting a beer as if to toast him.
“Because she’ll literally fuck me to death, you mean? Not to worry! I’ve got incredible stamina and a very healthy heart.”
“Don’t listen to him, mate, go for it. Tell her about how you’re the ‘true pinnacle of homo-superior,’ she’ll be real impressed.” St. John couldn’t finish the sentence without snickering.
“It…seems like a bad idea,” said Simon nervously. He hadn’t really intended to fall in with the bad guys, especially since he’d been trying to prove himself as an X-Man, but the original Pyro had immediately glommed onto him with a pushy, aggressive friendliness. And he supposed they weren’t really doing anything wrong just sitting around drinking and swapping stories. It was better than awkward run-ins with Iceman, who was trying to pretend that the two of them hadn’t banged.
“Shush, Baby Pyro. Let the man do his thing,” St. John said, tossing back another Jack and Coke.
“Please don’t call me that,” Simon muttered.
“Yes, I shall now ‘do my thing,’ as you so eloquently put it. Try not to eat your own hearts out with jealousy when she falls into my arms,” Fabian said as he swaggered off.
“She’s gonna eat his heart. Literally,” Dominic grunted. “Why are you even encouraging this, Johnny?”
“Because it’ll be hilarious, and there’s fuck all to do on this island. I’m about ready to start writing again, I’m so bored.”
“Ugh, don’t expect me to help edit if you’re gonna start in with more of that Harlequin romance crap –“
“You are literally the last person I’d ask to help edit, you illiterate wanker – “
“Hey guys, I think he’s making his move.” Simon pointed across the way, interrupting the quarrel. (Simon had already recognized that original Pyro and Avalanche bickered like an old married couple, and drawn his own conclusions about that.) Fabian was trying to casually lean against a tree while chatting up Selene, but had misjudged the distance, and was now stuck in a weird diagonal slant. He made a vain attempt to compensate by pushing off the tree in a series of awkward, one-handed push-ups, while flexing his other arm. Selene stood with her arms crossed like a very sexy, very terrifying statue.
“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” Dominic snorted.
“This is bloody brilliant, it is. I’m absolutely putting this in my next book.”
“It’s gonna be a comedy, then?”
Fabian had stopped the push-ups, and was now gesturing at Selene, then back at himself. He ran a hand down his chest and abdomen in what he probably assumed was an alluring manner. Selene hadn’t moved, but something in her posture seemed tenser than before. Simon thought he could see a vein standing out in her forehead.
“Wish we could actually hear him,” St. John remarked.
“I like him better when he’s out of earshot,” Dominic responded.
“You almost gotta admire him, in a way, haven’t ya? I mean, the sheer bollocks on the man to walk up to the Black Queen and try to put the moves on her. Most men’s dicks would just shrivel up in fear.”
“Is it really brave if he’s too stupid to be scared?” Dominic crushed his empty beer can and pulled out two more, tossing one across to Simon.
“Yeah,” Simon put in. “It’s kinda like jumping the fence at the zoo and trying to pet a lion.” The sense of camaraderie was making him feel more at ease. The alcohol helped, too.
“See, Other Pryo agrees with me.”
“Please don’t call me that, either.”
Across the way, Fabian gestured again at Selene, then cupped his hands and twisted them around in an obviously lewd gesture. Selene finally broke her stance, grabbing Fabian by the front of his shirt and pulling him forward into a passionate kiss.
There was a collective gasp from the three mutants watching.
Then, a dark energy crackled over the two embracing. Fabian’s eyes widened in fear, and he attempted to pull away, but Selene put her hands on the back of his head and forced his mouth down onto hers. The blackness rippled across Fabian, then drained into Selene, who seemed to stand taller and stronger while Fabian’s muscular body withered in her arms. Soon there was nothing left but a desiccated corpse, which Selene contemptuously tossed aside, wiping her mouth and looking like she’d just enjoyed a full meal.
“Alright, Dom and Baby Pryo. You’re both right. The tosser is just too dumb to live,” St. John conceded.
The second incident showed that Fabian had not learned any kind of lesson at all from his experience with Selene, as he decided to proposition Mystique. The exotic blue skin, contrasting with her fiery red hair and revealing white costume – how could any man resist? And why would she dress in such a way if she didn’t long for male attention? Her cold, aloof temperament added to the appeal, with an exciting hint of danger. (Of course, for most would-be suitors, it was significantly more than a “hint” of danger. But Fabian was never one to notice things that didn’t fit into his world view. As far as he was concerned, she only needed the right man – himself – and she would melt into his arms like a delicate snowflake.)
She presented a particularly dangerous picture as Fabian approached, cleaning and oiling the guns that she had spread along the table. Sitting across from her, Toad was absorbed in his Nintendo Switch, waiting for her to finish so that they could start planning the next mission. He’d earned some downtime, and was determined to get in a little practice so that Doug Ramsey wouldn’t destroy him at the next Smash Brothers game. Again.
“Mystique. Why is a beautiful woman like yourself doing such base manual labor?” Fabian slid into the seat next to her. “Why not leave it to him?” He gestured across the table at Toad, who briefly looked up from his game to scowl back.
“No one touches my guns except me.” Mystique did not look up from her work. “What do you want, Cortez?”
“Just to spend a little time with you, so that we could get to know each other better.”
“If you don’t have anything interesting to say then stop wasting my time.”
“I have many, many interesting things to say to you. But perhaps it would be easier if we had some privacy. If the third wheel sitting across from us would possibly take a hint?”
“Stay, Toad,” Mystique insisted.
Toad nodded. He wasn’t really paying attention to the game anymore, as he couldn’t resist sneaking up glances to watch Cortez be inevitably put in his place. He felt a little bad about it – indulging in that kind of schadenfreude was an unhealthy habit of his from back in the early days of the Brotherhood. He had so desperately wanted Magneto to love him, and he’d spent so much of his life as the unwanted, outcast butt of every joke. It gave him a thrill of glee to see someone else get in trouble for once.
“If that is your wish, Mystique, I will allow it. But you may prefer that we move this someplace more private once the conversation becomes more….intimate.” He reached out to brush a hand against Mystique’s cheek, and she jerked away, looking up at him for the first time.
“What is this actually about, Cortez? Do you have information or some kind of plan in mind? I know you’re a devious little shit and I can respect that, but cut to the chase.”
“Very direct! I like it. I love it when a woman takes charge.” At least as long as her “taking charge” happened to coincide directly with Fabian’s own desires and fantasies. “My ‘plan,’ as you so delightfully put it, is simple. You. Me. Enjoying each other’s bodies and experiencing pleasure that you couldn’t possibly imagine. We could find a bedroom, or a secluded spot on the beach –“
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mystique snapped. “I thought you had something I could use, but you’re just hitting on me?”
“And why not?” Fabian stood up, spreading his arms wide to better show off his muscular chest. “Am I not incredibly attractive?”
“You’re making a huge mistake,” Toad warned, now openly watching the scene with his chin resting on one hand. “I’d back off while you still can.”
“I didn’t ask you,” Fabian said coldly. “And pull your tongue back into your mouth, you repulsive creature. She’s probably too disgusted by the sight of you to respond to my advances.”
Toad slurped his tongue back up out of sight, tucking the excess into his cheek, which now burned with embarrassment. The long tongue had been a later mutation, and he’d never quite gotten used to it. Keeping it all inside made his mouth feel uncomfortably full, and it often lolled out without his noticing. But he was all too aware that others found it disgusting.
“You’re far more repulsive than Toad could ever be,” Mystique said, standing up to face Fabian with her arms crossed. Toad felt a small spot of warmth blossom in his chest. He certainly didn’t feel bad anymore about watching Fabian get what was coming to him.
“Understand, because I’ll only say this once,” Mystique continued. “I am not, and will never be attracted to you. I do not desire you or your company in any way – sexually, romantically, platonically. Do not speak to me again unless you have something relevant to say.”
Fabian seemed taken aback for a moment, then he grinned.
“So, you’re saying that you’re only going to refuse me once? I get it, you like a man who persists, who makes you feel that you are worth fighting for. I won’t make you say it again.” He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. His lips never touched hers – instead, Mystique’s hands moved rapidly, and there was a sharp cracking sound as Fabian’s head wound up facing the wrong way on his body. He dropped to the floor. The whole thing happened too quickly for him to even register surprise, so his now slack face, with eyes glazed over, still held some hint of hopeful anticipation.
“Wow, that was…sudden,” Toad muttered, his tongue slipping out again. Mystique just looked at him, one eyebrow raised.
Toad shrugged back at her. “I mean, you did warn him.”
“If anyone asks, he tried to take one of the guns.” Mystique was absolutely not in the mood for an Xavier lecture, it was even worse than a Magneto lecture.
“Agreed.” Toad nodded.
The third time, Fabian made what he believed was an entirely innocent gesture. He saw a lovely ass, barely covered in tight black booty shorts, and he gave it the playful slap that such an ass invited.
Obviously, his first mistake was in assuming that clothing was an invitation for touching, and that he had a right to put his hands on anyone’s body.
His second, and ultimately more important mistake, was that the ass in question belonged to Illyana Rasputin.
Illyana whirled around at the touch, and her eyes narrowed. Whatever pick-up lines Fabian had planned shriveled and died on his tongue as her piercing blue eyes seemed to stare directly into his soul. A chill ran through his entire body, and he shuddered involuntarily. For once, Fabian was immediately aware that he had gotten in over his head. This was no woman, it was a demon wrapped in a beautiful body, meant to lure in innocent men like him.
The she-demon reached out a hand, and said a single word.
“Limbo.”
The word seemed to echo in Fabian’s ears as the ground melted away below his feet, and he dropped into a glowing circle.
Later, Illyana would claim that she had only intended to teleport him across the island, far away from her. It was a complete mistake that Fabian had somehow wound up stranded in Limbo, and torn apart by demons. And hey, that wasn’t her fault, right?
The fourth time, Fabian had retreated back to familiar ground – his own beloved Acolytes. He’d led the group for so long, and served under Exodus (despite the man being painfully unfit and incompetent), so surely they’d all welcome him with open arms. And there was his own dear sister, resurrected at last.
Unfortunately, Anne Marie was a bit miffed at him for the events that had led up to her death, which Fabian thought was rather unreasonable. It was so long ago, Fabian could barely even remember it. Who could really say anymore who betrayed who, or who caused Asteroid M to crash? The important thing was that it all ultimately came down to Magneto’s poor leadership. Anne Marie didn’t quite see it that way. She directed an icy glare at him whenever he ventured into the compound that most of the resurrected Acolytes had chosen to share.
“Anne Marie, have I mentioned recently how happy I am to see you returned to us?”
“Chrome, please tell my brother that I am not speaking with him.”
“Fabian, Anne Marie says – “ Chrome began in a deadpan.
“Yes, yes, I heard her,” Fabian hissed. His sister’s stubborn hostility hurt him more than he expected, although he was used to her being childish and willful, having grown up together. He hadn’t actually intended for her to die all those years ago; he hadn’t imagined she’d be so stubborn as to stay by Magneto’s side until the end.
“Look, Anne Marie, things were complicated back then. I had a plan –“
“Chrome, please tell my brother to stop making excuses for his despicable betrayal of Lord Magneto.”
“Fabian, Anne Marie says –“
“Chrome, why are you participating in this immature nonsense?” Fabian snapped.
“Because it amuses me, and I like her better than you.” Chrome was blunt as always.
“Fine,” Fabian sighed. “But let me remind everyone that we’ve all been reborn on this island to start fresh, all sins forgiven. Why don’t we let the past stay in the past? I mean, I’ve died several times now, I don’t know why you’re all making such a big deal out of it. And Magneto is alive, anyway. He’s alive and thriving, so no harm done.”
“Disagree,” Delgado muttered, from the corner by the window. He was staring longingly out at the trees and sunshine, but unwilling to leave his team-mates alone with this snake.
“Why are you even here, Cortez? Are you recruiting for your stupid harem again, or are you going to try to replace Exodus. Because you must know neither of those things are ever going to happen,” Frenzy spoke up from the table, where she and Unuscione were splitting a bottle of wine.
“You say ‘start fresh,’ but you’re the same as ever,” Unuscione added. “You never change, Cortez.”
“Why should I change when I am so magnificent? Perfection itself!” Fabian exclaimed, although his enthusiasm withered a little under his sister’s glare.
“I have rarely met anyone so completely and utterly wrong,” Chrome snorted. Fabian paid him the generous favor of ignoring him.
“Rest assured, I am not here to reclaim my rightful place of leadership. Although I’m not sure why you all wouldn’t want that. Someone has to take charge. Magneto is running the island with Xavier, and Exodus has abandoned you all to go tell stories to children.”
“So, it’s the harem, thing, then?” demanded Frenzy. “It’s always one or the other.”
“My friends, can’t I just visit you all out of the goodness of my heart?”
‘That has never happened,” Chrome pointed out.
“Ever,” Delgado added, quite unnecessarily, Fabian thought.
“Loooook,’ he adopted a soothing tone. “I just think that we should all start thinking about the future. After all, we’re going to be living out our lives here. And eventually, we’ll no doubt start forming family units. It’s only natural. And one of the rules of Krakoa is to make more mutants, after all.”
“Wow, there it is,” put in Unuscione. “I knew you’d get there eventually.”
“I think we need to sort this out early, so that it doesn’t get…messy later on,” Fabian continued. “After all, I’m only one man, and there are only so many hours in the day. We don’t want fights breaking out.”
“Oh my god, will you just leave?” Frenzy exclaimed. “We don’t want you around.”
“Now, now, don’t get excited. I know you deny your feelings because you don’t think you’re worthy, but I assure you, I find you extremely worthy. You and Unuscione both.”
Unuscione jumped up from the table at this point, forcefield spreading across her body, but Frenzy put an arm in front of her.
“The other mutants already think we’re violent trouble makers,” she said. “Let’s not prove them right.”
“Yeah, but….it’s Fabian.” Unuscione gestured at Cortez as if his very existence explained everything.
“I know. Let’s finish this wine and then go burn him in effigy.”
“I like the way you think.”
“So……” Fabian folded his arms, giving a long-suffering sigh. “No one is willing to help propogate the mutant race with me, despite my obvious superiority in all respects? And all because you’re all holding a grudge over a few tiny little mistakes in the past, that weren’t even really mistakes, just part of a long-term plan – “
Fabian was interrupted by a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He heard Delgado call out his sister’s name, and whirled around. He didn’t quite complete the turn, as the wine bottle was snatched up off the table and shattered against his temple.
Fabian collapsed amid a spray of red wine and broken glass. His vision rapidly fading, he looked up to see his sister standing over him, holding the end of the broken bottle, her face contorted with rage.
“You are not forgiven,’ she whispered, and then both sight and sound faded as he slipped away.
“Hey, we were drinking that,” said Frenzy, although her annoyance faded as she looked up to see Anne Marie starting to shake, tears spilling out of her eyes as she dropped the bottle. “Um, hey….you okay, hon?”
“It’s okay, Anne. He had it coming. And they’ll just bring him back next ceremony anyway,” Unuscione said.
“We’ll take it from here,” said Chrome, as he and Delgado came to stand on either side of Anne Marie, gently taking her arms. She looked at both of them with a dazed expression, and then down again at her brother, the tears continuing to drip down her cheeks.
“Come with us, Anne Marie. Outside. You’ll feel better,” said Delgado. The two former Acolytes led Anne Marie outside, and they sat together for a long time under the trees, quietly watching the birds
.
The fifth time it happened, Fabian had learned a few lessons, and decided to approach some meek, sweet-natured mutants again. Which is why he was sitting next to Marie-Ange Colbert, the former Hellion known as Tarot, with his arm draped presumptuously around her shoulders. The way she seemed to quietly shrink away did not bother him. Obviously she was just shy. The sense of innocence and vulnerability was very attractive. Someone sweet and kind was exactly what he needed after the pain of his sister’s betrayal. He couldn’t get Anne Marie’s face out of his mind, so twisted with hatred. He shoved the image aside, and focused on the beautiful girl in front of him.
“I’m sorry, Monsieur Cortez, but our destinies are not in any way entwined. The cards are not favorable,” Tarot said. She attempted to shrug off his arm, but he pulled her in closer.
“Your superstitions are adorable, my dear girl,” he purred. She seemed so lovely and pliant. He’d tried approaching the exotic one with the tail and lavender hair, but she’d hissed at him in a way that was really unbecoming, then run off into the woods. “But we mustn’t let them stand in the way of true love. Imagine the possibilities of the two of us together!”
Tarot turned slightly green as she unintentionally imagined it.
“Hey, that’s enough. She’s not interested, and you need to take your hands off her. Now.” James Proudstar stood in front of the pair, scowling down at Fabian. Although he no longer considered himself a proper “Hellion,” he still felt some responsibility to watch over his resurrected team-mates on Krakoa. His fierce expression and massive bulk would make anyone with common sense hesitate – but Fabian was not known for his common sense.
“We are having a private conversation,” he said smugly. “If the lady is not interested, she can tell me that herself.”
“I’m not.” Marie said firmly.
“My dear, you play hard to get. Why don’t you say it like you really mean it?”
“She’s not interested. Now back off.” Jetstream joined his team-mate towering over the pair. Two other Hellions – the muscular Beef and electro-powered Bevatron came up behind them in a show of support.
Sitting off to one side, Empath watched the proceedings with a quiet smirk, enjoying simply being able to watch things again. On Krakoa he’d fallen in with his formerly deceased team-mates largely out of familiarity. Given that people like Selene, Mr. Sinister and Apocalypse had been invited to the island, his own comparatively minor crimes were largely forgotten. He hadn’t really changed at his core – he was still a cruel, narcissistic bastard who enjoyed the suffering of others. But his time spent blind had humbled him and taught him an important lesson – to shut up and stay under the radar. It was nice to see the group united in hating someone that wasn’t him.
“And what will you do if I don’t, as you so crudely put it, ‘back off’? There is a proscription against violence on this island, as you all well know.”
“No, the rule is we’re not allowed to kill humans,” James corrected. “Mutants can always be brought back.” Manuel nodded in agreement. Amara had burned him to ash a couple of times before declaring a kind of “truce” in which he agreed to never speak to her again and she agreed to stop killing him.
“Yes, yes, but we are discouraged from starting meaningless fights,” Fabian pressed. “We don’t want to disrespect the island by wasting precious resources.” Mutants killing mutants wasn’t technically against the rules, but the killer had to explain their reasons. A mutant who killed too frequently and easily would be put in a brief “time-out”: imprisoned within the island itself like the mutants who killed humans, but for a much shorter time. They had to have some deterrent, or else old grudges, plus the villains living among them, plus the cathartic ability to murder without consequences would quickly turn the island into a bloodbath.
“That doesn’t seem to stop you from getting killed. Over and over again,” Haroun pointed out. “Even more than de la Rocha, somehow.”
“Yes, we are getting really tired of watching you come back in the resurrection ceremony,” Bevatron agreed. “It is supposed to be a sacred ritual. It kind of – how you say? – ruins the magic.”
“We’re all gonna have to watch it again if he doesn’t take his arm off Tarot right now,” Beef said, cracking his knuckles ominously.
“Are you all really threatening me?” Fabian sputtered self-righteously. “Just because I dare to love?”
“There is no love!” Tarot finally snapped, flinging his arm aside and standing up, putting some distance between them. “I want you to leave me alone. Right now.”
“My poor, dear girl. You are confused by your team-mates’ lack of respect and understanding.”
“She’s not confused, she’s rejecting you. Take a hint, jerk.” Roulette walked up to join the group glowering down at Fabian. She had waves of blond hair and fuller curves than the slim Tarot, and Fabian felt his desire stir for this one as well. So many worthy mutant women on the island. The fact that he didn’t have a harem assembled already was proof that the universe was a cold, indifferent place with no sense of justice. And certainly not because he was doing anything wrong. Anne Marie’s face flashed up again, and he shook his head to clear it, gazing again at the blond.
“Such harsh words from such a lovely vision of a woman. Don’t be jealous, there is room in Fabian’s heart for both of you.”
“That’s it –“ Beef started to step forward, but Roulette put a hand against his chest.
“No need to start a fight,” she said, summoning a glowing black disc into her hand. “We’ll just give this ass a healthy dose of bad luck to encourage him to back off.” She tossed the disc at Fabian, who attempted to catch it, only to have it disappear within his hand.
“Sorry, was that supposed to harm me in some way?” Fabian scoffed. He stood up, arms extended. “As you can see, I’m fi-“
He was cut off as he stepped on the end of his cape, and staggered backward, falling over the bench that he and Tarot had been sitting on. As his feet kicked up, one of his boots flew up into the air, hitting a tree branch that had been weakened by rot. The branch came crashing down. Fabian gasped and rolled away at the last second. Unfortunately, his trajectory took him right across a nest of fire ants, and he had only a moment’s respite before they came boiling out of the ground, stinging enthusiastically. He leaped to his feet, shrieking and batting at his clothing, running in a blind panic. His cape snagged on a tree branch, and yanked him back off his feet, his head slamming down on a rock. Then everything was quiet for a moment, Fabian limp and still on the ground.
Jenny burst out laughing, while Tarot had her hands clasped over her mouth in shock. James walked over and gingerly nudged Fabian with his foot.
“Wow, Jenny, you killed him.”
“Oh my god, I didn’t mean….” Jenny gasped between bouts of laughter. “I mean, that was amazing, but I really didn’t mean to kill him. But that was amazing, wasn’t it?”
“Oh dear,” Tarot sighed. “We will have to explain this.”
“Ugh, I don’t want another Xavier lecture. He’s such a self-righteous prick,” Jenny scowled. Then her eyes fell on Fabian’s discarded boot, and she began laughing again.
“I’m sorry guys, it’s just…it was like a cartoon. Totally worth it.”
“It was an accident,” Haroun asserted. “We all saw it. You were just trying to drive him away and protect Marie. We’ll back you up.”
“Don’t worry, Roulette, I caught it all on video,” Empath announced, pressing a few buttons on his phone. “Aaaaaaaand it’s up on Youtube now.”
“Manuel, no!” James scolded.
“Manuel, yes!” Haroun countered. “Let the whole internet see that bastard’s humiliation!”
“Hey, look at all the hits already! This is going viral, Jenny,” Manuel said, turning the phone towards her.
“Oh wow! I’m gonna be a Youtube star! We’ve gotta find a way to monetize this!” Jenny gushed.
Meanwhile, deep in the forest, oblivious to the recent events, a lavender cat and a russet wolf slept curled up against each other in a contented pile of fur.
The sixth time, Fabian didn’t even manage to stay alive for ten minutes. He noticed, as he came out of the pod naked and dripping, that many of his fellow Upstarts seemed to be getting brought back at the same time.
“What happened to you?” he demanded of Shinobi Shaw, who was facing the crowd with no shame about his nudity. Probably enjoyed giving them a show (and flashing his own father), as did Fabian himself. One silver lining of his frequent deaths was that the mutants gathered for the ceremony got to see his glorious physical perfection.
“Orgy went wrong,” Shinobi said with a smirk. “Never try to have an orgy in a cave that floods at high tide.”
“You couldn’t just leave? Also, why did no one invite me?”
“We were way too involved to just get up and leave when the tides started coming in. Some people were in very elaborate restraints. Including me. Also, we were all pretty wasted. We’re the whole reason Storm is giving a speech right now about being responsible and how our lives are precious resources not to be wasted. Blah, blah blah.” Most people would be embarrassed about drowning in a drunken orgy, but Shinobi seemed to hold it as a badge of honor.
“Why wasn’t I invited?” Fabian demanded again. “I mean, look at me!”
“It was just kind of a small-scale thing, really,” Shinobi began, as more mutants emerged from the pods. “Just a few of us.”
“Wait, are those the Marauders?” Fabian asked, looking at the newly resurrected mutants. “Did you invite the Marauders and not me?”
“Oh, no,” Shinobi assured him glibly. “I’m sure they all died at the same time for unrelated reasons. Sinister’s always cloning them, anyway, he probably just wanted an upgrade.”
“Hey, Shinobi! Great orgy!” Riptide waved from across the way. “You are absolutely the blow job king, my friend, I concede the title.”
“Okay, maybe a few Marauders got invited. C’mon, some of them are pretty hot.”
“Shinobi, loved the orgy,” called Arclight. “Let’s do it somewhere less lethal next time.”
“Nah, it’s not a good orgy unless a few people die,” put in Scalphunter. “Makes it more exciting.”
“Are you kidding me?” Fabian exclaimed. “All of the Marauders and not me? Have you not seen this?” He gestured down at his crotch.
“Oh, I’ve seen it.” Shinobi smirked again, not even having the decency to look sheepish for all his lies. “It’s very impressive, but women don’t seem to like the way you use it. And you don’t seem willing to let me touch it.”
“I don’t swing that way,” Fabian said, although an image of Quicksilver popped up in his head for some bizarre reason. “And what do you mean women don’t like the way I use it?”
“Let’s just say I’ve…heard some complaints,” Shinobi said.
“Okay, you know what? Let’s do this whole orgy thing over again,” Fabian declared. Seeing the nude women around him was already sending blood down to a certain area, and lust was amplified by a frustrated anger. “We’re already naked, let’s start now. And then we’ll see who has complaints!”
“Much as I love the idea of giving the crowd a show, I think you’re jumping the gun a little here, Cortez,” Shinobi said as Fabian marched over to the nearest pod where a woman was emerging. He pulled her up against his body, and found himself staring into the eyes of Siena Blaze.
“Heard I missed the orgy. I’m sure you were incredibly disappointed. Let me make it up to you, right now.”
“Let go of me, Cortez,” Blaze ordered, trying to pull out of his grip. He held her closer.
“Don’t be shy. We’ll give the crowd a show they’ll never forget.”
“-look well, mutants. Once again, your own have been brought back to you. See them and rejoice, for – oh, by the Goddess!” Storm exclaimed, as her speech was interrupted by a piercing scream and a muffled explosion. She looked over to see Siena Blaze, her hands smoking, standing over a bloody splatter that had formerly been Fabian Cortez.
“Um, sorry….” She shrugged. “He grabbed my ass.”
“Fine,” Storm groaned. “Stand with your fellow mutants and let the ceremony continue.”
“Okay. Oh, hey, Shinobi! Great orgy!”
“We have to do something about this. It isn’t just the waste of resources, it’s the message we’re sending. People can’t just kill each other with impunity.” Magneto had come to consult with Xavier about the “Cortez” problem. All of his killers had been subject to investigation and some minor punishment, but the pattern seemed to suggest that Cortez himself was the problem. “Maybe we just shouldn’t bother bringing him back. The man is a snake. I should know.”
“Unacceptable,” Xavier responded calmly. “All mutant life is precious. We will waste none of it.”
“The man is a disruption.”
“He’s followed the rules so far. There are far worse people living on Krakoa than Fabian Cortez. We must treat him fairly. And I must admit, his eagerness to breed is very in line with our goals here, if he could just find a willing partner.”
“But we can’t let this ridiculous cycle of death and rebirth continue, can we? Maybe a time-out in the earth for awhile.”
Xavier leaned forward with a cryptic smile. “I believe I have a solution. And it will require only a minor psychic tweak at his next resurrection.”
At the resurrection ceremony, Fabian Cortez emerged from the pod for the seventh time in a month.
“What is your name,” Storm asked him, quietly praying he would last longer than ten minutes this time. It was all getting very repetitive.
“Fabian Cortez.”
“And how do I know that it’s you, Fabian?”
“Who else could possibly measure up to my greatness?”
“It’s you,” Storm sighed. She presented him to the crowd, which responded with muted applause, mostly from younger mutants who hadn’t met him yet.
As Fabian stood to one side while the other, much less important mutants returned from the dead, boredom began to wear on him. He’d been through this so many times, and there was only so much enjoyment he could get out of displaying his body to the crowd. He glanced around, spotting a beautiful young woman next to him with dark skin and flowing black hair. He believed Storm had introduced her to the crowd as Threnody, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He let his eyes wander appreciatively up and down her body, then sauntered over. No harm in a friendly proposition, especially since they were both already naked. Maybe he’d finally get to participate in an island orgy.
“Hello, beautiful lady. Today is your lucky day, because you get to experience the glory that is Fabian Cortez.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him. Then his mouth dropped open in shock, because the face starring back at him was his own sister, with her lighter skin and short blue hair.
“Anne Marie, I….how? Why did you look like….I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to….please forgive me…” The idea of hitting on his own sister filled Fabian with revulsion, and even the faintest hint of guilt. He hadn’t forgotten her face after she struck him down. On some level, he was perhaps apologizing for many things at once.
“I’m sorry, what are you talking about? I don’t know any Anne Marie.” His sister pulled away and stepped back, suddenly transforming back into the dark-skinned woman. “My name is Melody. I don’t know you at all.”
“I’m…sorry. I was confused for a moment.” All sorts of odd feelings were twisting around in Fabian’s stomach.
“Fabian!” A voice called from the crowd, and Anne Marie emerged, walking up towards the platform where he stood. “I’m right here.”
“Does this mean we’re on speaking terms again?” Fabian asked hopefully. Anne Marie’s mouth was still set in a hard line, but her eyes had softened a bit since he saw her last.
“Killing you was rather cathartic. I worked some things out of my system. But don’t press your luck, I’m still angry with you. There’s a reason for what you saw. Come with me and Xavier will explain everything.” Storm ignored the entire exchange as Anne Marie pulled Fabian off the stage and walked off with him. He’d come back so many times, it didn’t really matter if he stayed for the entire ceremony.
“Psychic trigger?!” Fabian exclaimed.
“Yes,” Xavier continued. Fabian and Anne Marie were meeting with him in a private room, after Fabian had thankfully been given clothing to wear. “You have been killed multiple times because you are incapable of showing the women on this island the slightest hint of respect. You let your reproductive urges lead you around.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Fabian protested. “We are meant to make more mutants. I want to do exactly that. In fact, I’ll work extremely hard at that task. Can’t you just assign me a few partners?”
“That’s not how we are going to do things here,” Xavier said firmly. “We will not go down the road of forced breeding.”
“It’s worked out okay for the Inhumans,” Fabian tried.
“No, it hasn’t. There’s a streak of instability running through the royal family, people are still born with useless or debilitating powers, and the lack of freedom has the entire society boiling over with repressed emotion. It’s no wonder Black Bolt’s brother manages to organize a coup every other month.”
Fabian shrugged. He couldn’t really argue with that. His encounters with the Inhumans had all been thoroughly unpleasant – especially that obnoxious, back-stabbing lunatic Maximus the Mad. He couldn’t believe he’d ever considered the man a convenient ally. Never again. And he definitely meant it this time.
“So, what….I’m going to see Anne Marie in every woman until I find a willing partner? That seems unfair.”
“It’s entirely fair,” said Anne Marie.
“The illusion will only kick in when you approach a woman with lust and disrespect, as you so often do. When you think of her only as a sex object, and not a separate person with her own needs and desires. Then, the psychic trigger will make her appear as the only woman you care about more than sex – your sister, Anne Marie.”
“B-b-but….how long is this meant to last? What am I to do in the meantime? A man has needs, you know.”
“There are ways to take care of your needs without bothering anyone,” Anne Marie said all too knowingly for Fabian’s tastes.
“It will last until you manage to show respect for a woman that you desire. Until you can put her needs above your own lust, and love her as a person, not a sex toy.”
“Ugh, but that could take yeeeeaaars!” Fabian whined. “So few of them are truly worthy of me.”
“It’s our solution to the disruption you’ve caused on this island. Consider yourself lucky that you are not spending time in the ground, that is much more unpleasant. But we wanted a merciful solution. I will admit, there is some value in your presence, Cortez,” Xavier continued. “Every group that has encountered you seems to have come away with stronger ties of friendship and camaraderie between them. In a way, it seems, you managed to bring people together.”
“Yes, because I have excellent leadership skills,” Fabian agreed. “And people are drawn to my strong charisma.”
“That’s….not exactly the reason why. But nonetheless, your presence has produced some positive affect. With this psychic trigger, hopefully the positive will outweigh the negative.”
Xavier dismissed them rather abruptly. Fabian sulked as he walked beside Anne Marie, heading back towards the Acolytes’ set of rooms.
“Honestly. A psychic trigger. As if I’m a child. Or an animal that must be contained.”
“Well, one part of you certainly is,” Anne Marie muttered. Fabian scoffed.
“Look, try to think of it like a fairy tale. You’re under a curse –“
“Until I find my one true love!” Fabian finished. He rather liked the idea. He was, of course, a handsome prince under a curse from a wicked sorcerer, who was just jealous of his good looks and flowing head of hair.
“Until you learn a lesson. Look, Fabian.” Anne Marie turned to face him. Her face was still stern and set with anger, but he could also see pain – carved into every line on her face. It made him feel….not so good.
“I’m not over what you did. I won’t be for a long time. It hurt. But our Lord Magneto is alive again, and so are we all. And Krakoa really is a place for new beginnings. So maybe you can be better, too. Please try. For me.”
She kissed him softly on the cheek, and walked away.
Notes:
This got slightly more serious than I intended, I just wanted a silly story where people got to kill Fabian in hilarious ways. Oh well. This also turned into an excuse to write a bunch of neglected characters that I like hanging out and occasionally sleeping together. Shinobi is definitely going to try to bang both Pyros at once. He may or may not succeed.
I don’t know all the Marvel women’s ages, but just assume that everyone Fabian hit on was at least 18. He’s a sleaze, but he’s not that much of a sleaze. Also, Meggan was probably just visiting her old Excalibur team-mates, she lives elsewhere with Brian.
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'I’ve never sought fame so I’m loving it ... I hope it lasts!': As she returns in the hit BBC sitcom Mum, Lesley Manville reveals how a surprise Oscar nomination finally made her hot in Hollywood at 63
By COLE MORETON FOR EVENT MAGAZINE
PUBLISHED: 22:01, 27 April 2019
'I can’t believe this late flourish that I’m having,’ says Lesley Manville, beaming with happiness. ‘It just keeps on giving!’
She’s about to star in the third and final series of the brilliant BBC comedy Mum, playing the kind and loving widow Cathy, surrounded by a family of not-always-lovable fools, and slowly falling for her old friend Michael. It’s hugely popular, for reasons Event’s TV critic Deborah Ross explains below, but that’s not all. Suddenly, to her own astonishment, at the age of 63, Manville is Hollywood hot property.
‘I don’t really share this much, except to my very close friends, because you’ve got to let off steam to somebody about how extraordinary it is,’ says Manville, hand fluttering briefly as if to fan herself. ‘And the enormity of how it has shifted things. Everything has changed.’
Scripts and offers are flooding in since she was Oscar-nominated for her role in Daniel Day-Lewis’s 2018 film, Phantom Thread. After decades of working ‘under the radar’ – as she puts it – in the theatre, on television and in Mike Leigh movies such as High Hopes, Secrets & Lies and Another Year, Manville was thrust into the brightest spotlight of all. ‘I got to go to the Oscars with my sister and my son!
‘But, oh my God, it was a mad dash. I was on stage in the West End on the Saturday, got home at midnight, only had time to wash my hair and catch two hours’ sleep, then I was on a plane in the early hours.’ The Oscars were that Sunday night. ‘I got there with an hour-and-a-half to get ready.’
She rarely gives interviews and hasn’t talked about this publicly before, but there was something else remarkable about that night – her ex-husband Gary Oldman was also up for an Oscar, for his role as Sir Winston Churchill in Darkest Hour. The Hollywood media went wild at the idea of divorcees being nominated at the same time, and there was even talk of ‘fisticuffs on the red carpet’ – particularly since he had walked out on her in 1989, when their child Alfie was only three months old.
‘I had a son to bring up,’ she says, sounding matter-of-fact rather than bitter after all these years. ‘I was 32 and I had a baby. I wanted to carry on working and I did. I must have been knackered. I was up at dawn and looked after Alfie all day. Then my sister, who was working for me, would come and do teatime and bedtime. I’d go to do Miss Julie or Top Girls. Nice light plays!’
Somehow she gave her all to those far from light works. ‘I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I never wanted to stop working. And also I didn’t want to be a slovenly mother – not bothering, just phoning in motherhood because I was working. I wanted to be the best mother, with a proper meal on the table every night, and proper things in the lunchbox. All of that. And I’ve done it. That’s my biggest achievement, I think.’
Did she feel that way because Gary had abandoned them? ‘No, I’m just like that – I’m quite a perfectionist in my life and my work.’
That’s easy to imagine. Manville is friendly and engaging but happily describes herself as ‘a control freak’ and looks very much like she’s got it together in her chic, cream baggy pants with matching boots, Breton striped top and leather jacket. She speaks with the diction and bearing of someone who has spent a lifetime on the stage. Does Alfie appreciate what she did for him? ‘Oh, yes. We’ve got a really nice relationship. We do argue, but we’re very close.’
Oldman later admitted that work and alcoholism had made him ‘anxious, neurotic and hell to live with’ – but he moved in with the much younger Uma Thurman soon after taking off to America. His fifth wife, Gisele Schmidt, attended the Oscars with him, while Manville is single and walked the red carpet with Alfie, now a cameraman. So just how awkward was this public reunion?
‘Gary and I are fine. We’re friends. We’re more than fine. People wanted to make something of it that didn’t exist. Christ almighty, we’re 60. We’ve got a 30-year-old son. Come on!’ She does understand why there was such interest. ‘I even stayed sober for one night in LA at the Oscars so that I could do a live interview on the Today programme. Something should be made of it, for the sake of our son. Very few children have been to the Oscars and seen both their parents nominated. It was nice because Gary was there with his wife – who I get on with very well – his other two sons and my son. We’re grown-ups.’
In her eagerness to demonstrate that they’ve worked out their differences, Manville even reveals that the two former partners are planning to work together again.
‘Gary’s asked me to be in a new film he’s hoping to shoot soon. So of course we’re fine. It’s a film about Eadweard Muybridge, the man who invented film.’ The Victorian photographer devised camera techniques that laid the foundations for the motion picture industry. He also shot and killed his wife’s lover, but was acquitted by a jury on the grounds of justifiable homicide. ‘It will be amazing.’
And although she did not win the Oscar for best supporting actress last year (Oldman did win best actor), Manville says she has been almost overwhelmed by offers since then. ‘You get inundated with scripts and immediately I got offered a film with Liam Neeson, Normal People, that’s virtually a two-hander. It comes out at the end of this year.’
Neeson got himself in a lot of trouble earlier this year by confessing that in the past, after the rape of a friend, he had taken to prowling the streets with a cosh, hoping ‘some black b******’ would come out of a pub looking for a fight. He was actually expressing shame at having had those feelings and drew support from Whoopi Goldberg and the England footballer John Barnes, but others called for his films to be pulled. Did that put Normal People in danger?
Manville draws in breath, pulls back her shoulders and says: ‘I’m not going to talk about it at all... except to say that Liam is one of the nicest gentlemen I’ve ever worked with. And he’s a friend.’
Is she just like Cathy in Mum, who insists on seeing the best in people? ‘Oh, I don’t compare to Cathy. I’m kind, but I’m a bit more judgmental than she is. I’m from this chippy world of acting, where people are beautifully acerbic, funny, and sarcastic and cutting. I enjoy all of that. It’s banter.’
Still, she is firmly supportive of Neeson then quickly moves on. ‘Then I got a film I haven’t shot yet, called Dali Land, about Salvador and Gala Dali. I’m going to play Gala. Last week I was filming the new series of Harlots [in which she plays the madam of a high-class 18th-century brothel], then preparing for the film Let Him Go with Kevin Costner and Diane Lane.’
Does Manville thrive on all this new attention? ‘My sister can’t believe I’m not exhausted. It is overwhelming at times, but I do sort of feel I’ve earned it. I’ve put in decades of doing what I feel were the right jobs. I’ve never sold out. I’ve never sought fame. So I’m genuinely loving it and I’m hoping it will last, but it will only last if I keep turning out the work.’
Does she wish this had all happened before? ‘No. I’ve had an amazing, steady career. And I’m grateful for that. A lot of young people who get success very quickly come under huge pressure to maintain it and that is very hard. Especially if they’re good-looking, because if you’ve built a career based on your good looks when you’re young, it’s very difficult to carry on in a real and proper vein.’ Has she come under any of Hollywood’s infamous pressure to go under the knife?
‘No. I went to a lot of meetings while we were there, and the reaction I got is: ‘Oh, you’ve done nothing to your face, isn’t that great!’ If I suddenly started doing all that, it would make nonsense of this career I’ve had for 40-plus years. I’m setting myself up as somebody who likes to play characters. This Bible-bashing mad woman with a gun that I’m playing in Let Him Go isn’t going to have gone under the knife in 1963. Just leave it alone.’
Manville grew up in Brighton, where her father was a taxi driver, and at the age of 15 she started commuting to the Italia Conti stage school in London. She declined the chance to join the steamy TV dance troupe Hot Gossip. ‘I thought, I can’t wear stockings and a suspender belt on telly with my dad watching! He wasn’t a prude – it was more that I was a bit of a prude. I was a good girl. I never broke the rules.’
Just like Cathy in Mum, then? ‘I am a good girl at heart, so there is a bit of Cathy there, but the other side of me is very driven and single-minded.’
Her father couldn’t believe it when she gave up a perfectly good, lucrative part on the soap Emmerdale Farm to concentrate on theatre. ‘My dad was like, “What are you doing? Why would you want to do plays?”’ But Manville went on to have a truly illustrious and highly acclaimed career on stage, from her early days at the Royal Court through numerous leading roles at the National Theatre, The Old Vic and with the Royal Shakespeare Company to her performance in Ibsen’s Ghosts, for which she won the Olivier in 2014. This was the pinnacle of her career at the time, and she said: ‘Ghosts is my Olympic moment.’
There was no way of knowing that the Hollywood legend Paul Thomas Anderson, director of There Will Be Blood and Magnolia, would call her out of the blue, having seen her in the Mike Leigh films he loved.
But before that happened and she got really famous, the director Richard Laxton approached Manville in 2016 about making Mum, and had some persuading to do.
‘My only experience of comedy was 25 years ago, a series called Ain’t Misbehavin’ with Peter Davison,’ says Manville. ‘It was well written, but you had to be funny. I didn’t enjoy it. I wasn’t very good.’
Laxton sent a script and a box set of Him And Her, a series also written by Mum creator Stefan Golaszewski and shot in a very similar, low-key way. The actors play the drama and not for laughs, although they certainly come. In Mum, we see the craziness of the family from Cathy’s point of view as she tries to keep going, do her best and be kind.
‘Just the slightest twinkle from Cathy, and the audience knows what it’s going to mean,’ says Manville.
Series one began just after Cathy had lost her husband Dave. Series two saw her become increasingly – but very slowly – close to old family friend Michael, before she finally declared her love. Now, at the start of the final series, they are together, but haven’t broken it to her son or anyone else yet. ‘I love the way the writer does that,’ she says. ‘We last saw them tentatively holding hands. At the start of this series she just gives him a very casual kiss on the lips, when she’s showing him the bedroom she is staying in.’
The inference is that they have made love. ‘You don’t see them having sex. You don’t see them having passionate kisses.’ Is that a relief? ‘Yes. You wouldn’t want to go there really, but I knew they were going to get together.’ The pair have such joy on their faces, as if they can’t believe their luck.
‘I think younger people – 20- and 30-year-olds – don’t think of anybody aged 60 falling in love. They don’t really imagine that all those feelings an 18-year-old in love has – all those butterflies, uncertainties and insecurities, all that joy – is the same for everyone, whatever your age. That’s an emotion and a set of feelings that we never lose. Thank God! I love Mum for showing that.’
The characters are also very understated. ‘I love the fact that Cathy and Michael are not glamorous, they’re not thinking about how they look. They’re good, kind, thoughtful people. They’re intelligent. They’re very in touch with their own feelings and emotions and reality. They have a very acute understanding of the people around them.’ The cast and crew all stayed in the same hotel and found a local pub to eat and drink. ‘Lots of times, someone would spot one of us up at the bar – say Lisa [McGrillis, who plays Kelly] – and they’d go: “That’s her from Mum!” Then they’d turn around to see where she was taking the drinks and we would all be sitting there!’
How are people with her? ‘Mum is the thing I get stopped in the street most about. They say very kind things. They love the series. When I say it’s back in May but this is the last series, they can’t bear it.’
So why is Mum finishing? ‘Stefan wants to move on to other things. But it’s got a nice finite ending and why would you do any more? Either they get together or they don’t. Either way, that’s it.’ We don’t see so-called late love like this on the television much, do we?
‘No, but I think that’s shifting very slowly. Women and men of my age want to see themselves represented. And there are those actresses who are just carrying on – not just Judi Dench and Maggie Smith, but Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening.... We are fronting films. And all those female-led films like Mamma Mia!, Quartet and The Best Marigold Hotel that have been huge box- office successes have made studios think: ‘We can have a film about a 50-year-old that people want to see!’
She says ‘we’, but those women are older than her. Thanks to her sudden Indian summer, Manville is now poised to lead a new generation of female actors taking on those kinds of roles. ‘Those actors have opened up the way for us, absolutely. I’ve always felt my life was a slow burn. I’m pleased with the way it has all turned out. Delighted, really. I can’t wait to see what happens next!’
The final series 3 of ‘Mum’ begins on BBC 2 next month. Series 1 and 2 are available on iPlayer.
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The Week in Anime (Christmas Edition!)
Salutations and welcome to a special edition of The Week in Anime! With my winter break starting, I’ve been able to catch up on all of the anime and now I have stuff to say about them, both good and bad (fortunately this time, it’s mostly good). Because there’s around 3-4 weeks of stuff to write about, I’m gonna revert back to my old style of TWiA for this week. That is, I’m gonna write a blurb for every show, and not give out any awards. And since most of the shows ended this week, it’s also kinda nice since I can talk about the show as a whole. Thus, there will be spoilers. That’s kinda self-explanatory, plus I usually use spoilers in my posts... but no matter, still nice to have a warning. So let’s start off this show with the usual...
The News Corner
Since it’s been a while since I had one of these posts, there’s bound to be a lot of anime news that I can talk about. Maybe important stuff like Shokugeki no Soma getting a “fourth season” in Spring, Boku no Hero Academia’s third season airing during the Spring, etc. But here’s what I think is the most important anime news of the past few weeks:
http://moetron.news/post/168065646960/back-street-girls-tv-anime-has-been-announced
Yes friends, Back Street Girls. Read the synopsis for yourself, since I don’t think I can do it justice by describing in my own words. Truly, a pinnacle in anime.
Ok seriously, this is... something. Something weird AF. But I’m not gonna lie, it got my attention. Obviously since I’m writing about it, but it did. So much so that I ended up reading the translated chapters of the manga. And I have to say... it’s not that bad. There definitely is the merit to the complaint that the three dudes have the same personality and thus would probably be better as one person, but they’re different enough that it wasn’t too much of a concern in the manga.
In its core this whole thing is a gag comedy. I don’t expect it to be deep with its topic, and neither should you whenever this show airs. Definitely gonna be an interesting show to watch when it does come out.
All righty, with that, let’s start the rankings/blurbs starting with my AOTS:
Rankings:
1 (0). Shokugeki no Soma S3 (8/10) COMPLETE
So when I heard that this show was gonna be one cour instead a standard two cour, I shared the same opinions as the thread commenters of /r/anime: “no”. But after watching the last episode, I have to say the season ended on a really good note. Soma sharing the info that Joichiro was his dad to Azami and Erina was a nice cliffhanger to the future events I don’t know much about, but heard meh things about.
Disregarding the future though, this season was miles better than the second season. It brought back the nice balance of intense cooking battles and relaxed slice-of-life moments that made the first season so fun to watch, something the second season lacked until the last few episodes with the Stagiaire Arc. The biggest issue has to be the animation, something I didn’t notice until I saw it being mentioned on discussion threads. At first I dismissed those claims, saying that all anime was like that and that people were being their circle-jerky selves. But I went back to the first season and yeah, I admit it got worse. There was a lack of action-y moments in the third season which were replaced with panning shots. Now I don’t think this is a huge issue, because let’s be honest the animation isn’t a big draw in Shokugeki: it’s the nice-looking food and the explanations about the nice-looking food. And this season delivered on those fronts, making it a super fun watch as long as I had something to eat/wasn’t hungry. Because otherwise I suffer from watching good food being made/explained while wanting said food, and that’s not fun.
Anyway, overall Shokugeki S3 gets a 8/10 from me. I would say I’m excited for the next season, but based on comments from manga readers I’m not expecting too much from the next season... though I would recommend the show if you haven’t watched it, since the first season is in my top 10 favorite anime and this season’s looking like my AOTY.
2 (+1). Just Because! (8/10) [11/12]
Mmm that’s good stuff. Most anime nowadays just are stuff that I watch and move on from. But with this show, it’s been both a really nice slice-of-life/drama/romance/kinda comedy(?) that’s brought out a lot of nostalgic and comfy moments. It’s rare for a show to get me so emotionally invested, but when it does you know something’s going right.
Since the last episode is airing next week, I don’t want to go too much into detail about the show in general yet. So I’ll just talk about this week’s episode. It reminded me a lot of the time I was applying for colleges. A painful experience, yet for some reason I felt a warm nostalgia through the whole time watching this. Plus it was a really nice set-up episode for the finale: we get Natsume passing, Komiya winning an award, and Eita maybe passing (it was kinda ambiguous). Who will win in this love triangle? Who will end up with who? Will anybody win? Why did I ask the same question three times? Find out next week in the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!
I have to give credit to Pine Jam (the studio making this): all of this is amazing when you think about how much delays the show’s been going through. It seems like every other week the episode is delayed on Amazon Strike even when it aired on time in Japan (a sign that they just finished the episode). Yet the animation hasn’t taken a nosedive in quality and it’s kept a steady consistency in all aspects. Hopefully the finale ends the show on a high note because so far it’s been a fun ride.
3 (+2). Net-juu no Susume (6/10) COMPLETE
If there’s one word to sum up this show, it’s AWKWARD. But you know what, that’s totally fine. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s that the last few episodes focused on the real life relationship of our two main characters, Moriko and Sakurai, who were some pretty awkward kids.
Before I go deeper into that, let me talk about the show as a whole. The first half of it was a nice “romance” with minimal interruptions. Towards the middle, the show faltered a bit for me with Koiwai become more of a presence and that weird gray area when Moriko and Sakurai were finding out the truth about each other and their online characters. Then we get that end with the awkward. The last episode especially, though I enjoyed how cute the whole thing was... minus the washing machine cucking (and the kids in the end to a degree).
I know that’s probably what most people were disappointed in: nothing definite happened between Moriko and Sakurai. I was a bit bothered by it too, until I realized it was probably the best ending for the two. After all, they’re two people who don’t have experience with love or people in general. Why would you expect them to suddenly confess their feelings or even straight up kiss? It’s a bit unreasonable to think that, and so the hand-holding thing at the end was a good enough confirmation that yes, they are in a relationship.
Disclaimer: I haven’t watched the 11th episode/special yet. I wanted to finish the show and write my blurb before doing so. So maybe something more might happen... though based on the MAL rating, doesn’t look like it.
If there’s one thing that did bother me, it was the number of sheer coincidences that had to happen for everything to fall into place. I mean I know it’s anime but still... it’s a bit too much. I can’t get over the fact that they met not only once, but twice in sepearte MMOs. That’s about as good a chance as me getting 5 UR cards in a single 10+1 pull in School Idol Festival. Which never happens. I think.
Anyway, overall the show was pretty nice, albeit a bit forgettable (since I’ve already forgotten a lot about it already and it hasn’t even been a week since I finshed it). 6/10, would recommend if you like a good romance.
4 (-2). Juuni Taisen (6/10) COMPLETE
“I mean it ended the way I thought it did.”
That’s if we’re talking about the battle royale aspect of the show itself. Because the actual anime didn’t end with just that, but rather spent its last episode with Nezumi’s wish, which turned out to be a pretty lackluster end to a show that in hindsight, wasn’t as great as I thought it was. Now that sounds harsh, but I had this show rated pretty highly for most of the season. Overall the show wasn’t bad, but there were some questionable decisions such as spending two episodes on the twins (whose backstories weren’t particularly interesting) and not having Rabbit’s backstory. Though I guess not having Rabbit’s backstory works with his personality. But I was curious to see why he’s like that, which is something we’ll never find out.
There were a lot of good moments in the show, though. Most of the backstories of the characters were pretty interesting, and made what sounded like a cliche battle royale into a more interesting study of characters with differing personalities and techniques battling each other. I love competitions as much as the next guy, so seeing how each warrior matched up against each other really triggered the inner sports fan in me. So much so that if I wasn’t into the competition, I probably wouldn’t have liked this show as much. Overall a solid 6/10, would recommend for those into battle royales and interesting character stories.
5 (+1). Love Live! Sunshine!! 2nd Season (6/10) [12/13]
You know at this point, I accepted that idol shows aren’t for me. Their whole focus of “the power of friendship and miracles” really isn’t my thing, and honestly it’s my fault for not realizing that sooner. Now don’t get me wrong -- I’m still very much in idol hell. Just... in different ways via the music and mobile game (which I should really stop spending money on...).
Now to the actual show critique part. Taking the above statement into account, this was probably the better Love Live Sunshine season. But as of right now, I’m putting this as the lowest ranked show in the Love Live series. Something about the number of cheesy episodes just really got to me, culminating in the penultimate episode with the most cheese so far in Love Live.
Okay, I’m gonna stop talking about cheese and actually use real words. There were some really great episodes, which happened to be the character-focused episodes. My favorite definitely is the YohaRiko episode with the dog, with a close second being the Dia episode. Episodes like those still have good cheesiness to them, but the cheese is character-based and more relatable instead of “let’s shine” and other buzzwords. Plus it adds good depth to the characters: Dia went from my second-worst girl to right in the middle of the pack. Riko went to the top 3, and Yoshiko/Yohane, well she was already #1.
Speaking of characters, there were definitely a few that got shafted hard in terms of screentime and character development. You is definitely an example: even though the later episodes have focused on her relationship with Chika, I still wouldn’t know much about her if I didn’t read her profile-stuff on the wiki (I was bored okay). Like the fact she’s a Olympic-level high diver. Did you know that? I did. Maru’s another example of this, though that’s more getting reduced to memes which honestly a lot of characters in LL have been prone to. I do have to give props for developing the third-years though, because I can now see Mari as more than just “Shiny” and “It’s Joke”. We can all agree though: Chika least best girl. Everything the girl says is cheesy AF.
Having said all of this, if a third season were to happen (or a movie, given this season might be the last one), I’d still watch it no problem. Truly this is the power of idol hell.
We’ll see how the last episode goes, because it might just be the end of Aqours... :(
6 (+3). Osake wa Fuufu ni Natte kara (6/10) [12/13]
I think this is the first time a show I rated a 3 or lower rose back up to a good grade. But that’s what happens when you focus on not having your alcoholic main character be drunk, but rather have nice moments where they aren’t drunk. Because it feels cheap to me when they’re acting cutesy while drunk. Almost like it’s fake in a way. The last two episodes in particular were really nice because they were the backstory in how Chisato and Sora met, which was actually pretty cute. More episodes like that please.
7 (+1). Blend S (5/10) COMPLETE
Sigh... this was an interesting one. Let me just say this right now: the “relationship” between Dino and Maika was the one factor in ruining the show for me. Yeah, the fanservice was pretty iffy, but if the romance wasn’t a thing I would’ve enjoyed the show a lot more.
I loved the idea of different personas in a maid cafe type of thing. It reminds me a lot of my favorite channel on Youtube, Cow Chop. They play up their bits in a “role” for most videos, but in their podcasts and other miscellaneous stuff, they’re their real selves which is refreshing to see. Because their bits and roles, while funny in doses, would be horrible if it was their real personality. Which is how I feel about Blend S. If the characters’ personalities were actually their roles, the show would be annoying as heck. But because it’s just a role, it’s fun to see how different they are compared to their actual selves. How Maika unintentionally becomes sadistic. How Kaho is actually the nicest character in the show. How Mafuyu is actually the most savage character in the show. How Miu is... kinda the same actually. And how Hideri is... exactly the same.
...Oh. Never mind.
All that would’ve made this one of my favorites, but that romance though. It just really bothers me. Now I know it doesn’t bother a lot of people, and that’s fine. But I’m just not about the weird age gap. I’m not saying I hate age gaps in general, just that when the gap starts with a high school girl, it’s a bit questionable. This may sound shallow, but if Dino was a bit younger or Maika a bit older, I would be totally fine with it.
Speaking of that, having Maika be older (say 19 or 20) would make a lot of sense in the context of the show. A girl struggling to look for a job so she can study abroad: still makes sense if she’s college-aged, and relationship is ok-hands for me.
Disregarding the relationship, the characters were fun. Yes, even Hideri, though I think it really helps that the VA for the character is the same VA for Nico of Love Live fame. Really got the obnoxious idol character down pat, plus her deeper male voice was really well done. Sasuga Nico.
One last thing: the OP is pretty bomb. Yes, I know how meme’d the first few seconds of it got, but watch the rest of the opening. It’s very fun, reminiscent of the Working OPs (which this show shares some similarities with in other areas).
So with all this said, 5/10 would maybe recommend if you like moe shows. Also if you can disregard the Dino/Maika thing, which I see a lot of people are anyways... SMILE
SWEET
SISTER
SADISTIC
SURPRISE
SERVICE
WE ARE STILE
(expected the meme? Pls)
8 (-1). Animegataris (4/10) COMPLETE
So... what the actual baloney did I watch? Seriously, that went off the rails after a certain point, that point being the festival arc. I have so many questions that were left unanswered and just brushed under the rug with the explanation that “the anime world and real world are being combined”. Like... really?
Confusion aside, the show’s only nice aspect was the meta with its sick anime references, both with the industry and the fandom. A modern version of Genshiken in a way. The “namedrops” were pretty fun and the explanations for some of the industry norms were the best parts of the show for me. Unfortunately, that all went downhill after the first half of the season as the show went full meta and went towards the “combining worlds” plotline that just ended up confusing me. Though I do admit the finale of the show was nice, albeit a bit lackluster compared to the WTF-levels of the few episodes before it.
But just because a show is meta doesn’t mean it’s good. At the end of the day, this show just crammed references and meta without much consideration for the characters or the story, which were both somewhat underdeveloped.
Off topic: one thing that really bothered me was the whole thing with Yui fanservice right before the OP for the first nine episodes (which continued even towards the last scene of the show. So I was right that something would happen with that. It’s just that the thing was just an OP with only Yui (Just Yui). Now that would be fine if she had something to do with the events of that episode, but she didn’t. So... WHY. WHY DID THEY DO THAT. SERIOUSLY. I’M SO CONFUSED AND I’M SCREAMING NOW SEND HELP.
That’s basically how Animegataris made me feel during its latter half. The “wao how META” doesn’t work for me in this case, and so I leave it with an unsavory rating and a “don’t watch this unless you like sick anime references and meta AF plot.” 4/10.
So before we end, I know I said no awards, but there is a little one I wanted to mention:
The “Red Flags” On Hold Show of the Week: Pingu in the City
It’s not that the show itself is bad. But... I don’t know, I don’t really have the motivation to watch the show. That’s usually how these shows end up on hold: I lose motivation. Maybe I’ll watch it again sometime in the future. Maybe not. Maybe I get to the 100 other shows on my PTW list.
And that’s all for this week! Thanks for reading this extra-long post! Hopefully I’ll get my “What I’m Watching” post out soon: I’m around 40% done with it so far. Anyway, thanks again, and I’ll see you in the next post!
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