#placeborita

[salsaisavegetable]

All the things you want to know about SARS-2/COVID-19 in one place. This is an important series starting with virology and how it works. @thispodcastwillkillyou • ‪NEW EPISODE(S) alert! Our #COVID19 updates are here! With the help of experts, we cover everything from the virus origin to how to protect your own mental health during this crisis. All six episodes are available, along with #quarantini and #placeborita recipes! https://www.instagram.com/p/B-FdAcOpUP2/?igshid=1mdg96tq2f69q

[cromulentbookreview]

Quarantini Time!

Or: Quarantine: a Love Story by Katie Cicatelli-Kuc!

Poor, anxious Oliver is just wrapping up a Spring Break volunteering trip in the Dominican Republic. He just wants to go home, attend a party and somehow work up the courage to ask a girl out. Flora just spent the past week on a disastrous visit to her dad and her airheaded stepmom. Flora and Oliver find themselves on the same flight home from Punta Cana to Miami, and from there, back to NYC. Because they both live in Brooklyn, obviously. 

Sidenote: a message to Brooklyn from the people of Portland - 

And now back to the book review.

Oliver, unfortunately, gets stuck to some guy who is visibly sick, aka every fliers worst nightmare. In an attempt to get away from the obvious disease vector, he moves one row back and sits right next to...you guessed it, Flora. Sparks fly - she calms him down while he has a panic attack on the flight, she thinks his eyes are like a cool breeze. He finds her refreshingly forthright and honest. 

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there reading all of this like:

There’s just one problem: the flight attendants take notice of obviously sick dude, whose backstory, name or anything like that we never learn. They call the CDC, because apparently there’s a new, fun, mutated form of infectious Mononucleosis. Gotta love that Epstein-Barr virus! But this isn’t your average mono, this is tropical mono. It’s tropical, which apparently, with diseases, makes it worse. Seriously, how come we always act like diseases from the tropics are somehow scarier or worse? There are plenty of diseases you can catch in the Northern Hemisphere that are super scary. Like the hantavirus. Or an infection with Naegleria fowleri. Also, you can catch leprosy from an armadillo. We’ve had cases of Plague here in Oregon, yet another reason why I rarely stray east of the Cascades (sorry Central, Eastern and Southern Oregon, but...come on, Plague) or visit the desert (sorry, Arizona and New Mexico, but, come on, look at that CDC map!). Anyway...I had a point here but I’ve lost it. Anyway: mutant mono. Scary stuff.

If you don’t know about mono, you’re in luck! I happen to have a thing for infectious diseases, which I may have mentioned here before. Infectious mononucleosis, sometimes but almost never called “glandular fever,” known by most as just “mono” is an infectious disease caused usually by the Epstein-Barr virus, but some can be caused by other viruses (like the human cytomegalovirus) though those are in the minority. The Epstein-Barr virus is a virus in the herpes family and is a kind-of cousin to my arch-nemesis, Varicella Zoster, the virus that causes chickenpox, and, if you’re me at 24, shingles. You can get shingles at any age, people! And it hurts! Jesus H. Christ, it hurts! It’s like having a white-hot cheese-grater just scraping off your skin at all times. If you think you have shingles, go and get treatment right away, don’t just go “oh, it’s just mosquito bites” and over a week while it feels like your skin is melting off your body...

Uhm. Get your shingles vaccine, that’s all I’m saying.

So anyway, Epstein-Barr. It can cause a ton of different conditions, including a whole bunch of cancers. Most people have had an Epstein-Barr infection at some point in their lives and probably just mistook it for a cold or the flu. But with mono, what happens is you get a fever, a very sore throat, you feel tired as all get out, your glands - especially the ones around your neck - swell up...you know. Mono. Sometimes there are complications to mono, including what is probably my favorite word in the English language but something that doesn’t sound pleasant at all: splenomegaly. That’s just when your spleen swells up. Hurray for the spleen!

Mono is primarily spread through saliva. Like, if you share a drinking glass or kiss. Fun fact: I never got mono as a teen because nobody ever wanted to kiss me or share their drinks. Or be that close to me. Or even hang out with me. Yay? Only in rare, rare cases can mono be spread through other bodily fluids, like blood or semen, so...there’s that.

And now, once again, back to the book review.

Once Flora and Oliver’s flight arrives in Miami, the plane is greeted by none other than the CDC. Yay! Frankly, if I were on a flight that was greeted on the runway by the CDC, I would geek out so hard. The CDC puts all the passengers on a 24-hour hold to see if any of them develop a fever. While they’re going through their final checks, Flora impulsively fakes a fever. She does this by taking the thermometer out of her mouth and then rubbing on it while the CDC worker isn’t looking which...you know what, suspend your disbelief for a while, OK? As soon as it becomes apparent that she has a fever and needs to go into a 30 day quarantine, Flora kisses Oliver. As one does. Now they’re both going to be stuck in quarantine for 30 days. They’re given a room together because...reasons. 

Once in quarantine, Oliver and Flora don’t have much to do other than just hang out with one another. Once Flora starts the hashtag #quaranteen on social media, though, she and Oliver become online famous. Suddenly Kelsey, the girl Oliver had been crushing on back in New York, has come down to Miami and is declaring herself to be Oliver’s girlfriend. Tension ensues! Will Oliver and Flora get sick? Will Oliver finally realize that Kelsey is the absolute worst? And will Flora and Oliver finally just get together goddamn it???

Quarantine: A Love Story is the wonderfully light and fluffy read that I needed in my life right now. The past two books I’ve read were both really sad and depressing - Internment especially takes on a whole new relevance now in light of recent events - so a happyfun YA romance about two teens in a weird situation that appeals to my weird love for infectious diseases was just what my brain called for at the moment. If you happen to know anything about medicine, though, er...don’t come in to this book hoping for a medically accurate depiction of quarantine. I happen to be one of those weirdos who has spent many, many years reading up on infectious diseases and quarantine/isolation treatment in hospitals. Why? Reasons. So there are a few times where I had to go aaaagh, they’re not called hazmat suits - HAZMAT is short for “hazardous materials” in medicine, you wear Personal Protective Equipment. PPE, people! Remember your PPE! Also, did you know the CDC has videos of the proper donning and doffing of PPE? Yup, they do. And it’s not like I haven’t watched all of those videos. I mean, I’m an adult, I have a life and a job and friends, I swear! I don’t spend a lot of my spare time reading about infectious diseases and proper treatments of infectious diseases...

Also, for some reason, in this fantasyland Quarantine, they let visitors take their phones into the room with them. And let the patients touch said phones. And they let their moms bring their purses in with them. Because...quarantine? I could put on my infectious disease nerd hat and go on and on and on about how that’s not how it works, but honestly, I don’t care. I didn’t come here for an accurate depiction of a hospital quarantine situation, if I wanted that, the CDC website is right there, waiting for me. I’m here for a cute YA love story about two teens in a weird situation. And to hate on that awful, selfie-obsessed bitch Kelsey. Yeah, we all know someone like Kelsey. She’s the worst.

But what I did love about this book was both its portrayal of anxiety, and the realistic depiction of how teens communicate. Plus, the romance is adorable. Team Floriver, bitches.

However, If you, like me, are super fond of learning about infectious diseases, go listen to This Podcast Will Kill You - it’s a fantastic podcast all about infectious diseases and probably one of my favorite podcasts, ever. (Go listen to their measles episode, it’s brilliant and sadly very, very timely, particularly for me, currently in the center of a full-scale epidemic caused entirely by stupidity).

In fact, if you’re wondering about the title of this review (if it can even be called a review, I haven’t really remained on topic for more than ten seconds) I shamelessly stole the Quarantini from This Podcast Will Kill You. The Quarantini belongs to the two Erins. A Placeborita is the non-alcoholic version of the drink, and since Quarantine: A Love Story is a YA novel, I figure I should make a Placeborita in its honor. 

So, behold! The Quaranteentini! 

Made out of the best non-alcoholic ingredients I could find in my kitchen while resisting the urge to add delicious, fruity vodka. (Hey, they are a local company, therefore I must drink it!)

The Quaranteentini:

Raspberry La Croix water

Lemon Juice

Grenadine

Lime Wedge

Garnish with gumdrops

Then add Huckleberry Vodka because I’m an adult. Best enjoyed with a general desire to forget the awfulness of the world and lose oneself in a cute teen romance.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anybody in the mood for a book that is fun and happy and romantic.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Infectious disease nerds and medical professionals.

SERIOUS BOOK REVIEWER RATING: 3/5

YA ROMANCE FANGIRL RATING: 500,000,000/5

RELEASE DATE: March 26, 2019