#platonic!siriusxreader

[liseenle]

HOW TO FORGET

ANGST Cedric x reader; platonic!Sirius

Summary: after Cedric’s death, Y/n has a difficult time. Sirius helps her acknowledge her feelings.

A little over a month had passed since the end of the school year at Hogwarts. Y/n could still hear the screams full of terror of that fateful evening, the squealing sound of trumpets and the smell of blood and sweat. Cedric's face tormented her in her dreams, but also throughout the day, to the point that sometimes she felt like she couldn't breathe. She remained motionless watching that boy who had meant so much, now almost transparent, almost as if he was fading more and more from her memories as well.

In that same month, the precarious balance that already prevailed in her mind, hit rock bottom with the move to Grimmauld place number 12. The need to reconstitute the Order of the Phoenix was now more important than ever, but Y/n was unable to adapt to the situation. On top of that, she was now living with plenty of wizards and witches of all ages, but who were constantly busy… and extremely lively, all positive that everything would turn out well. Unlike them, she couldn’t believe it, and therefore, feeling like nobody could understand her, she self-isolated, she pretended with a broad smile and in the meantime thought of him.

It happened that night too. It was late, her sister was sleeping peacefully next to her, but Y/n was not: she was at the bottom of the lake, she was looking for Cedric among the seaweeds, but the mermaids kept blocking her and pulling her from side to side. Finally, a few meters further on, she sees the boy. It's all right, she repeats herself, and takes him to safety. But when she gets back on the platform, there is no one waiting for her, and no trace of Cedric. Y/n woke up with a start, short of breath and a sweaty forehead. Her heart beat madly, heavy and tired of feeling that immense pain. She could hardly hold back her tears, but she didn’t want to wake anyone up, nor did she want to admit that she wasn’t well.

In an attempt to compose herself, she decided to go downstairs and drink some tea, to calm her nerves. A lively fire crackled in the kitchen fireplace and sitting in front of it was Sirius, her godfather.

"What are you doing awake?" he asked.

"I can't sleep" she replied, determined not to reveal the real reason, "do you want tea?"

"Yes, I wouldn't mind, thanks".

The deafening silence returned, but Y/n couldn't stand it anymore, she just wanted to cry and get it over with the lies. In that moment Sirius looked at her, his eyes too expressive, as if to tell her that yes, he does, he understands.

She sat in front of him and avoided his gaze as much as possible and quietly asked him the question that had been pressing her for a long time:

"How do you overcome grief?"

Sirius smiled sadly and took her hand in his: “You don't. Or at least I think. I personally didn't make it. Maybe Molly is right in saying that I treat Harry as if he were James. I just can't do it. For fourteen years I have been crying who I have lost, day after day." he said, letting out a shaky breath “I didn't want to ask because I understand what you’re going through, your need to hide your feelings, but who was he for you exactly? What happened between the two of you? "

Y/n smiled; albeit strangely, that question made her feel happy and light. And so she begun to tell him their story: “Dad is a very good friends of his parents, he always has been. Cedric and I have known each other for a lifetime, but we only really started talking towards the end of the third year. Not many spoke to me at that time: when it turned out that you were my godfather it was almost like I had grown a second head without realizing it. Instead of avoiding me, he sat with me in the library, we laughed and told each other things. He was in love with a girl, Cho, but she seemed divided between him and another boy. Cedric decided to let it go, at the time I didn't understand why. After the summer we were once again together, I helped him prepare for the challenges, you know, because he was one of the athletes on the Triwizard tournament. I still remember the fear I had when he faced that damned dragon” Y/n chuckled briefly“ “It was a very strong concern, but I didn't give it weight. Then came the Yule ball. I've been hoping for days that George would ask me to go with him, you know, as friends. But that did not happen and, in his place, came Cedric. Everything changed since then. He revealed his feelings to me and we kissed, right under the mistletoe! We didn't name our relationship though, I don't know, it seemed premature. And in the meantime he retrieved me from the bottom of the lake, he squeezed my hand as we walked through the gardens of the castle, he took my books from the top of the bookcases. This kind of thing. And in the end I realized that I too felt the same things for him. So I told him, the night right before his last challenge. He was happy, he was screaming and holding me tight. He said he hoped the whole tournament thing would be over soon. He was tired, but happy” Y/n was crying now, tears were running down her cheeks and falling straight into the cup of tea.

Sirius held her, but without the courage to say something. They continued like this, each immersed in their own thick and painful feelings.

"I too have lost a person I loved," Sirius finally revealed. “Or it would be better to say that we weren't lucky enough to be with each other. It ended when I went to Azkaban, I don't even know if she finds me guilty or not."

"But did you love her?" asked Y/n impatiently.

"I would have married her."

"and now?"

"And now, if she got me back, I'd marry her."

"Despite the years?"

“Despite the millennia. I know she was the right person for me."

"So go tell her!" Y/n exclaimed.

"You resemble to her in many things, except for your stubbornness." chuckled Sirius, lightly.

The two smiled and Y/n gently rested her head on her godfather's shoulder.

Maybe she wasn't as lonely as she had thought. And for the first time since Cedric had died, she knew she would make it.

Meanwhile Sirius was falling asleep, in his head the image of the woman he loved, as she came back to get him.