#please be alive ಥ‿ಥ

[archernarbeta]

Baby, You’re it

✴︎ pairing : Baekhyun x Reader

✴︎ genre : domestic!au, non-idol!baek, angst, fluff, comfort

✴︎ summary : all relationships has its fall-outs, what happens if yours had gone on for months, swept under the rug?

✴︎ warning : childhood trauma, negligence (not by baek), cursing

✴︎ word count : 2.8K

✴︎ author’s note : hii ಥ∀ಥ It’s archie here! This is my first fanfic in years and I really hope that you guys like this! Please do leave comments because I feel there’s so much room for improvements ಥ‿ಥ Thank you so much for stopping by!

You sighed for the fifth time in the last two minutes, eyes never leaving the kitchen floor. Your knuckles had turned white as your hands gripped the cold marble table top of the kitchen island, the moment felt like eternity. You steadied yourself, propping most of your weight to the table, feeling like you could lose your balance if you lose your grip

He watched you, holding his own breath, trying to control his emotions. Clearly, this wasn’t working like he expected it to be. He opened his mouth, yet closed it again. He gave you a look, the one that drives you crazy every time you argue with him. The look consists of his droopy eyes, all sad and confused, perfectly drowning you alive in guilt. 

“Y/n,” he hesitantly squeaked with the tiniest voice possible. 

You gave him the slightest nod while your eyes were still glued to your baby pink fuzzy socks he gifted you years ago. It was totally worn-out, considering the amount of times you wore it over the years, yet it was still your favorite pair. 

You weren’t sure if this conversation is something you wanted to have, you never were in the first place. This exact conversation was something both of you purposely hindered for the past 6 months. Both of you felt that it wouldn’t end well, so you both avoided each other like a plague. 

—

It started during last year’s summer, you and Baekhyun decided that you’re in need of a refreshing holiday, preferably close to nature for a nice- healing 'breather', from your hectic lives. In which you both decided to stay over his cousin’s villa in Jeju, hence probably the first mistake. 

When his very nosy aunt knew you were coming, she was ecstatic. She made sure everything was perfect for the Byun family’s favorite couple. As soon as you stepped foot into his aunt’s house, she couldn’t stop pestering if the both of you will ever get married, given that you’ve been dating for 6 years. Baekhyun tried to stop her by saying that you’re both still young and not of age for marriage. However the conversation escalated into her prying if you were going to have kids, which was always a sensitive topic between the both of you. 

That summer, you left Jeju with a giant lump of guilt in your heart. 

The thing was, you never wanted to have kids because the concept of raising a child seemed so taunting to you. Well, you had your reasons. You were an only child unfavourably raised by two, neglecting, self-centered parents who didn’t bother to even look at you during the course of your life. Yes you had your fair share of wealth, coming from those two, but your childhood was a rough one. They ended up throwing you out when you entered high school, saying you were a nuisance, but the truth was, they were scared that one day you’d inherit their wealth. You ended up raising yourself throughout those years, figuring and finding your own way in the world while your two, selfish parents left you with nothing but lifetime trauma. 

But Baek? Hell, he loves kids. He was crazy with kids, he adored them with all his heart. You could see it when you visit his brother’s place. He wouldn’t stop playing with his niece and nephew, giving them piggyback rides and cracking up jokes to see smiles on their faces.

The silly little conversation with his aunt was the trigger of this snowballing issue because both of you were afraid to jeopardize the relationship. 

Baekhyun knew about your ‘child-free’ mindset and he was always a little bit disappointed about it. Even though he was well aware of your past, he just knew that you’d be a great parent. It was evident from the way you took care of him and those around you. So he thought that maybe, just maybe, you were willing to try. He was so sure that even with your stubborn head, you were willing to try, at least for him. 

He tried approaching you at first, to start the daunting topic between the both of you. He’d try to go home earlier and cook dinner for the both of you, catching up to your office for coffee breaks during lunch time, scheduling movie dates on the weekends and to the extent of peeking your calendar to find your day off. 

But you didn’t budge. 

You were so aware of his attempts that it broke your heart to see him trying like this, but you know you couldn’t give in. It would break you to give in. So you kept your distance with him. When he cooked dinner, you’d hurriedly thank him, clean up and leave the table as soon as you were done with your meal. You took up so many fashion projects that you were swamped the whole day, making you unable to leave the office for lunch break. You even scheduled photoshoots during weekends to avoid dates with him. 

But your boyfriend Baekhyun was a smart man. 

He knew. He was so well aware of what you were doing and it shattered him. But how could he leave you? He couldn’t even if he tried. How could he ever leave when you’re the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with? 

So he stopped trying. 

He didn’t do anything to even start the dreaded conversation. 

However, nothing changed. 

You still kept your distance, you were so scared of what’s to come that you didn’t even want to be in the same room as him. 

—

Yet here you are, feeling all lost and broken while eyes glued to the floor, finally having the conversation you fought so hard to avoid.

Oh y/n, jokes on you, you thought. 

“Y/n…look at me…” He sighed, trying to capture your attention again.

You frowned, holding back a wave of emotion. “No.” you replied.

“Christ, y/n”, he frustratedly ran his hands through his hair, 

“You need to talk to me… you-you need to talk to me so I know. I need to know what you want from me…If this is not what you want-“ 

“No, Baek.” you quickly snapped. “This, is not what I want. This conversation, is not what I want.” 

“Then why the hell have you been avoiding me for the past six months?! You acted like I was fucking invisible! I swear y/n-“

“I WAS SCARED OF LOSING YOU!” you faced him with your remaining strength, tears falling down your cheeks.

All hell broke loose. The dam had burst. You couldn’t hold it anymore. “I was scared, of losing you, Baek. I knew you wanted to have this conversation ever since we went home from your aunt’s… And-and I knew, I could never say yes to you-“ you sobbed hard.

You felt your legs giving up on you, as you slid down to the floor, “But your eyes, the glint of hopefulness in your eyes every time you try to talk to me, it scares the shit out of me.”

“It fucking scares me that I love you this much and I know it would never be enough because,” you catched your breath before continuing, “This-this trauma…I can’t ever give you what you want. We’re not even married for Christ’s sake…and I’m already depriving you of your future.”

Baekhyun could hear his heart shattering into pieces when the love of his life sprawled in tears, on the kitchen floor of their home. He stayed silent as he watched you sobbed before him. He was just as sad, empty and broken as you. For the first time in his relationship, he felt so helpless. It was so discerning, the feeling of not being able to help you, your trauma, it killed him inside. He felt it as hot tears began to leave tracks on his skin.

“I-I’ll leave…” you incoherently said through your cries, hands furiously wiping your tears away. “I’ll leave so give me time and I’ll-“

“What do you mean?” he clamored. “You’ll leave?! Why the hell are you leaving!” He raised his voice, louder than he let on. 

“You want kids, Baek! You want a family and you know damn well that I can’t give that to you! I can’t raise a goddamn child!” you snapped back at him,  pent up anger and pain seeping through every word.

“I can’t raise a child,“ you trembled, voice slowly going quieter by the minute. “Not when I can’t even heal myself through this shit…It’s been years and I still can’t.” you quivered, holding your head between your legs, hiding yourself from him. 

He couldn’t see you like this for another second, it pained him too much. As you broke down for the second time, he lowered his body and sat down to the space next to you. He tried approaching you as slow as possible and when he realized you didn’t evade his presence, he immediately engulfed you with his broad shoulders, embracing you as you cried. The comforting warmth instantly made you clung onto your boyfriend’s arm, your head rested on his shoulders. He cried with you silently, as he stroked your head, trying to calm you down.

“My baby,” he softly spoke, never letting go of his warm embrace. He kept stroking your head until your tears died down, hugging him calmed your heartbeat and both of you were much calmer.

“Y/n, love… would you mind hearing me out for a bit?” He shifted his position slightly to catch your eyes. You lift up your head to give your boyfriend a nod as he looks at you, eyes red and puffed like yours. 

He chuckled a bit, wiping the rest of your tears with his fingers. He gave you a peck on your puffy left eye and proceeded to kiss the other eye. He gave you an affectionate gaze before dropping another kiss on your forehead. He smiled at you warmly, it was his signature smile and you couldn’t help but smile back at him. Your boyfriend Baekhyun, never failed to  radiate his sunshine-like warmth.

“Love, listen to me okay?” 

“Hmm…” you hummed, answering him. 

“I’ve been thinking, lately, that I’m quite okay with being child-free. I thought I wanted kids, which maybe I still do but I get that not everyone wants kids,”  

“I’ve wrapped my head around it and I guess I’m kinda okay with not having kids,“ he continued, “or at least for now.” he lightly added with a small smile, reaching out to hold your hand.

You frowned a bit, opening your mouth to reply, before he beat you to it, “However I am ecstatic when I think of getting married to the right person.” he grinned while looking at your face.

“I’m not sure when this started but the thought of having a domestic lifestyle is so enrapturing to me. And no, it’s not the grand weddings and honeymoons that gets me excited. It’s the silly little things that I hope I get to do with my partner.” 

You smiled at his words, holding his hands a bit tighter than before.

“The usual weekly grocery shopping we have, the silly little fights about putting down the toilet seat cover that makes creases on your forehead, our mini movie nights in the comforts of our silly little apartment and hopefully taking care of a silly little puppy in the future…” he gave out a nervous laugh and you looked at him lovingly, slowly rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb.

“Babe, I’m so excited to learn even more about you as much as you learn about me during our Sunday brunch and afternoon walks, not as your boyfriend but as your husband. We could be stuck up in the apartment all day while it rains outside, you’ll be reading while I’ll sleep next to you. You could cook and I’ll wash the dishes, but of course, we could switch because, whatever works for you.” 

Plastering a giant smile on his face, “Maybe in the near future, you’ll ace driving so we can switch seats every now and then, I’ll ride shotgun while you race me to work!” you laughed at his remarks and lightly slapped his arm. Both of you are completely oblivious to the fact that you’re both seated on the floor below the kitchen island for the past hour. 

He continued with a more serious tone, “I know it seems like I went a little bit overboard on romanticising this domestic life, given the fact that people say it doesn’t really work that way,” he smiled sadly, looking at your intertwined hands. 

“We’ll end up being too tired, too selfish, too worn out to compromise. It scares me, really.”

Baekhyun looked at you again, your eyes met and it’s evident that his eyes held so much confidence in them, “But if finding the right person means waking up together, making coffee and pancakes in the morning, hell, maybe I’m willing to try, kids or no kids.” 

“We’ll have breakfast for dinner and ice cream for breakfast. Fuck. Baby, I’ll ask you to hold my hand when we ride rollercoasters because I’m a fucking coward, but you love me for it right?" He held your hand tighter and stroked your hair with his free finger while leaving pecks all over your head.

"I’m so ready to break plates when we fight, if it means we get to glue them back together again. You’ll probably scream and curse at me when I’m obnoxious but I might do the same when you ignore me.” He chuckled, his eyes glistened as emotions got a hold of him. You cupped the side of his face with one of your free hands. 

“It’s fine, I don’t mind as long as we hug it out. I promise I’ll laugh with you, cry with you and smile for you. The biggest smile on this face will only be for you. I know we’ve done some of these things now, but if being married to you means having this for the rest of my life with you, I’m so up for it” he finished, your foreheads touching, eyes never leaving one another. You couldn’t muster any response other than a choked-sobs and a hearty laugh. 

“Baek…” you tried, your voice failed you as you voice strained.

"Marry me," He suddenly suggested. You gasp at his spur-of-the-moment question.

"y/n...." He whined, holding both of your arms as he shook them. "You don't wanna marry meeeeee?" He piped, kinda scared of your reaction now. You giggled at your boyfriend's pleading eyes,

"No silly! Of course I'd marry you! I was taken a back, that's all..." as you titter at him. "Oh God- oh God..." He exhale in relief.

"Wait, I'm grabbing a ring-pop!" He stood up, opening one of the snack cabinets, "I hope you're okay with a strawberry ring-pop for now, I mean I know you'd be but... the ring order took so damn long okay?! I pre-ordered it 9 months ago! Anyways, I hope this would do for now." He babbled away as he ripped open the rock candy from its packaging to slid the plastic ring on your finger.

"Y-you, what?" You have been taken aback by this man in the course of minutes.

"Well- I need to tie the knot at some point..?" He scratched the back of his nape as he nervously grinned. "It took longer than a baby because I custom-made it yet they kept getting the order wrong.." He huffed. At this, you kissed his cheeks, a wordless form of your gratitude.

"I love it," you professed, "I love the ring-pop, the nine-month old custom-made ring, and I love you." You continued.

“Byun Baekhyun, Baek, Baby… I-I know this because from the start, I always knew, I don’t want to settle for less. I don’t want to grow up, leave university for a job and a hand in marriage, to have kids and end my life just like that.” you held your eye contact with him.

You smiled a bit, continuing, “I want love. The really raw kind that makes my heart beats crazy every time I see your eyes. I want the love that holds my hand so I don’t walk alone. The love that embraces me in the morning, and kisses me after a long day at work. The love that burns, the love that hurts. The selfish kind of love that I never have to let go. It sounds crazy right?” 

It’s apparent that your face changes while you tell him this, it’s a thing he loves about you. He never told you but every time you rambled on something you’re passionate about, you have this glow on your face and your eyes sparkles, shining enchantedly–he’s crazy for you for that. He looks at you lovingly, giving all his attention to you. 

“Baek, I’ve always wanted someone who loves me for me. I want someone who stays, not because they couldn’t leave but because they don’t want me to be alone, I want someone who hates leaving me alone because they love me that much. It’s selfish and, I-I’m so sorry… A thousand apologies might not cut it but the way that I don’t want kids, I can’t raise kids… It’s-“ you stuttered, trying to breathe.  At this, he rubbed your back to comfort you.

“It’s too much…for me to make a decision now, about kids. But baby, you’re it. You’re the one who loves me for me and I love you for that. You still gave me a thousand reasons to stay even though I thought I needed to leave you,” you’re back to a crying mess into Baekhyun’s arms. 

“I swear Byun Baekhyun, I’ll never leave. I’ll never let you be alone. I love you so much.” you whispered, smiling, as you tightly hugged him.

He smiled back letting go of his embrace on you, “Y/n, Baby. You’ve been ‘it’ since the first time I saw you. Do you think I’ll ever let you go?” 

He held your chin to face him, as he slowly leaned in, taking you into a kiss you’ve been postponing since the last 6 months. 

“I love you so much.” he paused before passionately kissing you again.

[cringe-y-gumi]

Forget school, embrace the dreamnoblade. For this we must imagine:

Techno being the one they put in prision, the server decided that he is the biggest threat, without him dream couldn't have blown up lmanburg, quackity would have his two eyes, tubbo won't be scarred and everyone would have their home. So they take Phil again, they used ranboo against him as much as it hurt Tommy to use his friend like this.

Techno is unsurprised but disappointed nonetheless. He spends the few first weeks trying to grow potatoes in the cauldron because Sam doesn't give him enough for his half piglin side. But one day quackity arrives.

He just wants atonement from what happened in the butcher army,but even tough he is decked out techno still manages to trow him into the lava so next time he comes back with potion, and they work a little too well in making the piglin weak.

It gets to the point even the sigth of a regen potion makes Techno pale.

This goes on only for two months.

Dream decides that Techno is worth more alive than dead (and he may or may have not missed his rival) So with the knowledge he has of the prison he gets him out nobody the wiser, Phil is still on the artic trying to make a plan with ranboo and Nikki.

Cue cottage core arc where Dream is very sweet and caring to Techno while he is very emotionally constipated. Dream gets the rest of the syndicate when Techno heals up and makes the rest of the server go boom boom.

I do not regret writing this long ass ask.

Oh gosh, I almost let this one slip out of my mind.

I'm so tireeeed... But tbh, seeing some people still enjoying the things I also like— like Dreamnoblade of course, I'm all good

ಥ‿ಥ

and YEEES!!! Please for the love of god, I BADLY WANT SOME DNB COTTAGE ERA WITHOUT BEING HIDDEN BEHIND THE TITLE RIVALS DUO ( ≧Д≦)!!!

I may be biased, but the potential, the subtexts of some of the fics I read are OH SO THERE! Sometimes I wonder if some of them wanted to actually write dnb but due to its reputation, didn't.

Or maybe I'm projecting...

Anyway, I'm getting side tracked.

I would LOVE to read this one!!! But also add this:

When Dream broke Techno out of the prison, the Syndicate never knew. So when they were executing a prison-escape— one that was a little after Dream broke Techno out, they met a barren, empty cell.

Syndicate be panicking, while Dream and Techno be enjoying their cottagecore era.

Of course, Techno needs to heal— both physically and mentally but mostly it's emotionally.

After spending 2 months in that cell with Quackity taunting the fuck out of him, his Rival/friend acting all soft and domestic is the last thing he would want to deal with. But he doesn't have a choice.

Because the thing is... Not even Dream knew why.

"Techno is a powerful ally so he needs to get on his good side" is what Dream tells himself. You see, no business partners would wake up early to make sure the other eats. No business partners would learn the way the other likes their bath (temperature) or their coffee.

When Dream first noticed himself, he found out he likes what he's feeling and is he started to do them more.

When Techno finally noticed, he found out he wasn't opposed to the feeling and so he also started doing the same.

But remember the Syndicate?

Just when things starts to become better, the Syndicate managed to accomplish their goal: To find and rescue Technoblade who they all assumed was kidnapped and kept somewhere.

So with that, they managed to catch the two off-guard— successfully getting Techno, and capturing Dream.

Techno doesn't accept it. No one is listening to him. Dream— being used to this treatment, isn't even speaking

AHHH I want hurt comfort, more when I finally get some sleep...

Also I appreciate such long ask! I like Reading them!

[purple-hyacinth-diaries]

Happy Lauren Day!

let's all wish that in the next season, Eph & Soph will let our girl finally get the sleep she rightfully deserves🌝 (that is, if she is still alive ☠️)

[apparentlyaswarmofbees]

I've been asking around this one question for a few people now, because I like hearing what people have to say about it...

So I wouldn't mind it if you shared a list on who's your favourite (from Most to Least) from the Obey Me! Crew (Brothers & Formally Undatables)...

Also, please feel free to ramble on about why you placed them in each space...

O-oh dear-

First off, you spoil an infodumper like me too much lol (I am happy sfjsjjdjn) and I am going to go overboard (and changing the order of things) for my own pleasure.

And so...

Second off...

Gladly

Here is My List of LEAST to MOST Favorite of The Obey Me Boys ^^

That I just did on spot because I didn't have one ready because it's hard for me to rate the characters as they all have their traits and even their flaws add something good to the character but I'll be dammed if I don't enjoy deep frying my brain for fun.

Please take note I am taking this literally and all characters in here are FAVORITES, just some will be more and some less, which mean I LIKE ALL OF THEM. Yes, I have changed my opinion on a certain two characters I have said to not like, and I am not ashamed to say I was incorrect.

So let's start this off with the right foot shall we?

#12 | Diavolo

He is still infuriating I won't deny that. And I won't pity him though he is a tragic character that is so lonely he overrates any kind of affection, that doesn't know how to interact with others without exagerating, that has no one to give an oposing opinion because of his status and so it's increasingly hard for him to learn to make good decisions, and with his goal to unite the realms I could almost say he is naive. He's a bit of a puppy always wanting some pets, but as a not dog person, I don't have enough in me to be always playing, so to me an overly needy puppy can end up getting annoying, though of course, I can't help it but at least give it a few pets before going my way.

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#11 | Simeon

Yes in the end I actually liked him all along but was just in denial after I thought about it. Simeon is a good character, he's a dick even though he's an angel and he doesn't bother to be any different, he definetelly has his own set of rules he follows and I believe he would be a Chaotic Good just like me. He's well made. And as much as he is pretty unlikeable, the mystery, the questions, the fact that he has always been the same we just didn't get to interact with him much to see it, to have a naturally asshole character put down some of his walls to help us even if part out of possible self interest. And of course he's also fun. Simeon is charming, and I have come to appreciate all of him.

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#10 | Luke

A kid. A brat and a tsundere. I Absolutely love the character development and it's extremelly adorable. He's now officially our guardian angel and I love that. He was just a prick that I rolled my eyes so hard whenever I encountered him in the game and now he's just a lil' bratty brother that is fun to tease and squish the cheeks off. He's a really nice kid in the end, just previously ignorant, but still nice because he was willing to learn and change despise saying he didn't want to. I personally can understand Luke as I was pretty alike as a kid. Again, he's a nice kid I would gladly buy some balloons and cotton candy for.

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#9 | Barbatos

The number 1 buttler, he's just, a good dude l o l. He has his distance from everyone due to his position but that doesn't make him any less interesting. He is mysterious and powerful and yet he feels, so chill. He's also fun and actually has a pretty soft personality in which he knows exactly when to switch off to strict. He's a character I respect and wish existed in real life so I could be friends with (╥﹏╥).

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#8 | Solomon

Shady sorcerer is actually a pretty good guy though mildly insane. He is actually responsable (and takes it pretty seriously seeing he's basically the representative of the human realm). He's kind though again, mildly insane, and diligent. He may have terrible food but the fact he does it with good intentions is pretty adorable, he just likes to follow his instincts and be spontaneous because he likes new and exciting things. He probably has quite a bit of angst to him due to his not only immortality in not aging but also by not being able to be killed but even so it feels that, contrary to how many human immortals end, he still hasn't lost the light in his eyes and can still enjoy things and enjoy being alive, and that is most likely thanks to other immortal/long living beings such as demons.

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#7 | Lucifer

Yep. Lucifer is actually a really fucking great character, he's fond of his family, hard worker to the point of destroying himself, self punisher, elegant, pretty af, cute at times. But not exactly my most favorable cup of tea. Seeing I can see through his bullshit all his posessiveness, all his pettiness, all his actions just becomes ridiculous and annoying. And theres also a problem with the fact we always end up submiting to him, I don't want that. For every time he disrespects me I want him to kneel and kiss my feet. His pride collides with my own, and his decisions do too. But even so he is very reliable and so he has my respect for that, I do want to hug him and tell him he deserves nice things and that he can rest now this is not the war anymore you don't have to bow down to anyone anymore you didn't doom your brothers but freed them instead, but then again he makes bad decisions because he has zero braincells for emotional intelligence and that pisses me off and makes me just want to yeet him off a cliff. Yeah Lucifer, I would gladly kick you in the balls with ♡°.•love•.°♡.

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#6 | Leviathan

Surprising is it not? But it's true, I often focus on Levi due to him not only being pretty alike to me but also because he's related to many things I have been familiar with since I was born: animes and games. His anxiousness is relatable, the outcastness is relatable, the awkwardness is relatable, the obsession is relatable, the references are relatable, the infodumping is relatable. He's very relatable to me, but not my most favorite, and all because of his envy. He's a guilt tripper, and though I am long immune to it in real life due to extreme exposure to it from my family, it still is enough for his rank to go down. I still love him though, but mostly as the character that represents the thing I am most familiar with in life: myself.

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#5 | Beelzebub

Big puppy, he's the type of guy who will talk to plants. He has big and strong hands that could crush anything and yet he will do his best to handle some things gently. He's chill and non judgemental, loyal to the core. Once you win him over, you win him over, he would die for you. He is purposely childish at times and it's cute. He is amazing. I wish I could enjoy eating like he does. He's the only character I truly feel hurt for, as he is deeply inflicted by survivor's guilt and it just pains me I can't comfort him because he isn't real ಥ‿ಥ

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#4 | Belphegor

Hoh boy. The brat. The fandom itself is pretty divided on their liking of Belphie and it's understandable lol. But I personally understand Belphie. To hide hurt behind anger, hate and spite, to turn to agression to prove a point but you end up just fucking up. But the guilt and wish to fix things can lead one to giving themselves up, and so it becomes a constant battle of getting close but not too close for the sake of both parties involved. I get this boy more than I wish I ever did, and that's why he's high on the ranking. And because he's cute ngl.

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#3 | Satan

H o h b o y, another one that reminds me of myself, only it's the aftermath of the above where one bottles up all their negative feelings because being emotional is not being rational and who the fuck even wants to not be rational. Where you have no fucking idea who you are because all you know is to stomp your feet and scream for the sake of making an statement but that just proved all your enemies a point so now you turn to smarts to prove yourself. To make others angry, to make them frustrated and infuriated with your knowledge because you want to prove yourself, be reconized for who you are, to be someone and also, hopefully, change other people's ways, to make them understand they are wrong because you deep down actually want to get along with them. Yeah, Satan is high on the list, and it's also because he likes detectives uwu.

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#2 | Asmodeus

What a fucking icon he is I love him okay. It frustrates me when people use cheating as a angst prompt for him as he's obviously someone who just isn't made for monogamy, and he's pretty honest and I feel he would have nothing to hide and would talk it all out with all his partners. He's a sweetheart that works hard on daily basis and hour after hour to mantain an image, he likes the attention, he wants to be loved. If anyone mildly self centered ever told me 'I love you as much as I love myself' I would marry them on spot. Asmo is just incredibly sweet and I love all his affection and respect him for all the work he does to make a good impression and look up to that self confidence even though most of it is actually just him trying to convince himself. Also perfect example off gender is an ilusion lol.

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#1 | Mammon

Yep, our number 1, The Great Mammon, the most lovable dumbass that has been by our side from the start though with a bit of whining. This man is perfect. He has incredible self control over his powers, and as someone who used to be an angel to be able to use money all you want bro. I wouldn't feel bad either. He's our protector from start to end to the point he focuses on us instead of the queen in the Dame event. He isn't stupid just has selective focus just like me! And all the people with ADHD and many other neurodivergents. When he wants something he does is perfectly and diligently, he just needs the right push at the right time. He's the most good of all demons and even angels and he loves all his brothers deeply, he is always there to support everyone to the point of even allowing himself to be the punching bag for the sake of them not turning too much on one another. He was literally our first SSR card, our first call, our first pact, our first and the best. He IS great, truly.

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 19: Mitsuba (Part 2)

Previously: we started a new arc! We shifted the focus to Kou and his new ghost friend, Mitsuba. He’s a new-ish ghost and not at all what I expected (but I’m honestly kinda living for it). Together they’re trying to work out what Mitsuba’s unfinished business is so he can move on. They seem to work well together (in a very chaotic type of way). It started out very cute and then it got real angsty real fast, and I suspect it’s only gonna get worse this chapter :)) I can’t wait :)))

Now onto the next chapter!

You know when you say you’re gonna upload more regularly but then life happens and you get sick (AGAIN)........yeah, don’t know what that’s like or anything……..sigh

Anyway, time to finally keep going with the feels train from last chapter. And omfg

Only the first page and I’m already feeling all the feelings ;n; Look at them!! They were so precious! I know it’s not rare for people to stop being friends when they change classes but still :C

He’s saying that he tried to reach out to everyone he considered a friend but none of them recognized him. I know I said it last chapter but god, this is so heartbreaking, this poor child. Kou looks speechless, and I can’t say I blame him, it’s a lot to unpack.

Awwww baby he was bullied in elementary school for “looking like a girl” and being “cocky” :( I know not everyone is like that, but people like these are the reason I was so glad to be over with high school (not elementary school because I went to school with basically the same people since I was five). Kids can be so unnecessarily mean :/

Ah, okay. So when he started middle school, he decided to change things up.

Oh, sweetheart ;; He tried, he tried so hard because he just wanted to have friends and be happy but it backfired. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt. Like, what was the point of locking away his true self if no one cared about him either way? “A boring guy who barely stands out from the background” I really resonate with this line (and I’m sure a lot of people do as well). I’m quite shy nowadays but I was extremely shy when I was younger; I only really had two close friends in class (they’re thankfully two of my best friends to this day) and I knew everyone else didn’t particularly cared about me unless they needed something. I didn’t really get bullied but I was made fun of a few times because I was a bit overweight, and that, inaddition to my anxiety, really dealt a blow to my self-esteem. I only started to really open up during my second year of college when I met a lot of people who had interests and personalities similar to mine. What I’m trying to say with all this is that it can take a really long time for you to be comfortable in your own skin and to be comfortable sharing who you are and what you enjoy; hell, I still have a hard time doing it. But it gets better, even if it doesn’t seem like it will, it does, and it breaks my heart to see that Mitsuba didn’t get the chance to experience that, that he didn’t get the chance to find friends that loved him for who he was when he was still alive.... Oof, okay, that got sad fast. Let’s keep reading.

In his own clumsy way, I think he’s trying to lift Mitsuba’s spirits. Since he’s one of the people who forgot about him, he probably feels guilty, so this is his way of saying “I didn’t remember the fake you, but I will do my damn best to remember the real you and I’ll let the others know as well”. And yeah, it’s brash, but I like it, I see it as a way of preserving Mitsuba’s actual memory, who he really was and not the persona that just made him unhappy.

Ah, good, he apologized for not remembering him and he also explains that the reason he didn’t recognize him was because he was so different from when they first met. Fair tbh, there’s quite a gap between the seemingly soft spoken boy and Mitsuba’s actual teasing nature and colorful vocabulary.

Kou is such a good kid. Like, I know Mitsuba is already dead but I’m so glad someone told him this. And hey, it could help him move on as well. OH! HANG ON. Okay, so, Mitsuba said that he thinks his regret has something to do with taking a picture he couldn’t when he was alive, right? If we take into consideration what we’ve learned so far, it seems like Mitsuba’s biggest regret centers around the fact that he couldn’t form long-lasting friendships. So like, is the picture he wanted to take one with his friends?? Because that’s- that’s so sad but also so sweet I think I could cry. Kou, in his own way, tells him that he’s a pretty alright guy and Mitsuba says “a lot of good that does me now” but hey, it actually does, because I think he really needed to hear that.

Ahhhhhh Mitsuba asks him if they could have been friends if he were still alive. Of course you could have, sweetie! Come on, Kou, tell him!

ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ ಥ‿ಥ

He’s taking a picture of Kou!!!!!!!

(TдT)(TдT)(TдT) my heart oh my god I love them so much look at these babies.

Kou is being oblivious but Mitsuba tells him not to worry about it and that he thinks that once they develop the pictures, he’ll be able to move on ;; (Or at least I think that’s what he means.) 

(⚆.⚆) (⚆.⚆)

(;;⚆_⚆) Oh…………..there he is……..oh dear

But ALSO, hello?? do they know each other?? how? when??? (also imo the stylistic choice of making that speech bubble black is incredibly effective because you can just feel the malice behind it)

Oh, I’m so glad that Kou realized so fast that he isn’t Hanako. Like, yeah, the clothes are a big help but I feel like this boy’s aura is so different from Hanako’s (well, from regular Hanako, since he does have some moments when he smiles creepily).

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  (ﾟдﾟ；)  Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) HOLY FUCKING SHIT W H A T

What is he doing???? what??? did he like, kill him off, like, for good??? wha   t????

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) OH GOD, IT KEEPS GETTING WORSE

………………….oh? So he does work as a “Hanako-kun” like Amane? That’s interesting because when I first came up with that I thought it would be possible if “Hanako-kun” was one spirit that split itself depending on who summoned him. But now that I know that he’s actually Amane’s twin, I have to wonder how and why did this happen. Like, why is it that both of them ended up with this role? Is it because they are twins and since they look the same the rumors then would consider them to be just one entity?

Mitsuba’s wish was “I want to stay in everyone’s memories” and I just ;;;;;;;;

(ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

First: please let the child go omfg. Second: that’s not your decision to make. If Mitsuba thinks that having Kou remember him is enough, then that’s it, there’s nothing more to argue. And I repeat: ple a se let go of the child. Why is he trying to interfere? Like, yes, Hanako helped Yashiro as much as he could when she made her wish(es), but he only kept interfering because she still wasn’t happy with the outcome. Mitsuba seems to be okay with it, so he shouldn’t have a reason to meddle.

“Don’t you lay a hand on my friend!!” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kou is such a good kid, we don’t deserve him. But also he’s being reckless and it fills me with worry ;;

Ohhhhhhh okay. I didn’t consider that before. Whether Hanako could only grant wishes to living people or not, I mean. I assumed he did, so it’s interesting to know that there’s someone who can grant the wishes of the dead. That brings up a couple of questions, though. Like, what are the limits of his powers? What does he take in exchange? Are the wishes of the dead similar to Mitsuba’s or do they have a bigger range? Is any spirit able to summon him or are there restrictions like in Amane’s case (even if we still don’t know what the conditions for summoning him are yet)? Also, again, it seems like he’s more “pushy” than Amane is in regard to his wish granting.

…...oh, oh no. they’re gonna forcefully change his rumor so that his wish comes true (even though Mitsuba was happy before and ghost boy here doesn’t like to listen to other opinions, apparently)

[also now I feel really bad about the crooked man joke I made last chapter. I didn’t think it would come back to bite me in the ass like this;;]

Oh god, that’s some horrifying imagery. There’s nothing gruesome but the way that it’s drawn conveys the despair he’s feeling so well.

“If you can’t tell him his name then he’ll break your neck to make you look like him” jfc that’s just cruel ;; to turn his sincere and desperate wish into a weapon, to turn him into a mindless weapon (because we know that he’s gonna have to do it unless Yashiro is able to change it or unless Hanako takes matters into his own hands). Also it just hit me that Mitsuba is not dead dead so like, why the fuck did Hanako n°2 put a hole in his chest???? what was the point?? just to be a piece of shit?

…………………..I-

Yes. that, same. Wh-what the fuck

OH! Haku-joudai went to report to Hanako what happened! Oh boy, oh dear. He looked shocked and slightly afraid and I’m :)) terrified :)))

So, he’s on the side of chaos, basically. Like, he clearly does whatever the fuck he wants, and he wants complete and total freedom to do so, without a care about how that might affect others. Lovely :))))