#please don't flood my mentions with garbage for this

[cyberpunkboytoy]

Hey y'all, I might be taking out my ass here, but the timing of this new data-selling AI business is either an extremely unfortunate coincidence or a calculated attempt to draw attention away from Tumblr's transphobia problem.

Like, if they were hoping to use bad press to distract from The Thing They Have Lawsuits Over, a pretty safe move would be to shift focus onto something that by Tumblr's own admission has very few existing laws. Just a thought.

[dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling]

Deleted the first post, then added to it. Now I like it more!

If you like my work, please consider commissioning me or leaving a tip on Ko-fi (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

A threat in home?

★ It started with someone, or something, tearing through people's gardens at night. Then it turned to knocking over trashcans and scattering garbage around Home. After that, things started going missing.

★ You knew something had to be done once mail started getting stolen out of mailboxes. Poor Eddie was in hysterics. "What kind of monster would do this!" he cried. Poppy, wide eyed and shaken, attempted to sooth him. Clearly the neighbors needed help.

★ What kind of friend let's a creature ravage through the neighborhood? No. You had to do something. This has gone on for long enough. Don't bother telling anyone, because it might scare them. Especially Poppy or Eddie.

★ It happened at night, when everyone retreated inside their homes and wouldn't dare to leave. The cover of night provided the perfect opportunity for you to act. You heard it first, thin claws clicking against stone.

★ The creature looked like a raccoon, but bigger and made of stained grey fabric. It had the appearance of a well-loved stuffie. Its hands were thin and nimble. A sharp claw at the end of each finger. Before you could react in any meaningful way, it bolted. Running toward the trees and into the night.

★ Grabbing a wooden bat, you chased it. Adrenaline flooding your veins. As you ran, you followed the sound of sticks breaking beneath the creature's feet. It was fast. But you were faster.

★ The creature made a crack sound as you smashed the bat against its midsection. Did this thing have bones? Its hands reached out to grab at you. Leaving thin, red, lines on your skin where its claws met with flesh.

★ Blood dripping down your arm and onto the handle of the bat. You pulled away. Breath shallow, heart pounding, gripping the bat with all intention of killing this thing. It tried to grab you again. But this time you yank yourself away.

★ Swinging the makeshift weapon again, wood collided with whatever hid behind the fabric. Causing it to let out an ungodly screech you're sure woke up a few neighbors, the fabric of its mouth ripped open. Revealing a set of teeth that caught you off guard.

★ It didn't bleed. But you did. And now it's your turn to run. You don’t wait for it to recover. You don’t wait to see what happens next. The point had been made. Don't come back. In the morning you'll look worse for wear. But at least the problem is gone. For now.

★ Poppy was too scared to leave her home, so she called you on the telephone. "Oh dear, I was getting worried! Are you alright? I... I heard something. Did you hear it too?" You could lie. Or you could tell her what happened.

★ In the morning you look worse for wear. Scratches line your arms and bruises have begun to form. You don't even wake up until 11 AM. The sound of knocking at your door pulling you out of sleep. "Nighbor? Are you home?"

★ Opening the door, you find Eddie with a letter in his hand. His smile quickly changing into a look of concern as he sees the state you're in. Without a hint of hesitation, Eddie guides you back inside while asking what happened.

★ Frank does his best to treat the cuts. Thankfully you mentioned how to do this, and he wrote it down. The entire time he chastises you for being so reckless. "Honestly, first you go out during night." He pauses to put a band aid on your arm. "Then you get into a fight! What would possess you to do something as stupid as that?!?"

★ Then as word of you getting hurt spread across Home. One by one people started to visit you. Julie came to give you a get well soon card, partnered with many hugs. Barnaby showed up with Wally. And Sally came over to ask if it was you she heard last night.

[poisonsage808]

Hi, I don't have a lot of specifications , I just need some Munch relationship headcanons or Munch and reader having a kid idk.

Please and thank you.

Im gonna be a pain in your ass (lovely <3) since you are the only one posting Munch things.

p.s: Sorry for the bad english, its not my first language and im using the translator

a/n: i don’t do familial requests, however i will be making an exception for this man because i loOoOove the idea of him as a father. your english is great, thank you for the ask! munchkin lovers are a welcome pain in my ass <33 per usual, i tried to keep this gender neutral for everyone’s enjoyment

John Munch x Reader

“This so-called parenting book? Garbage. If I wanted to be judged by a middle aged white lady, I would’ve went to the park and asked one her opinion on childrearing! I could’ve saved us time, money— not to mention brain cells.”

“Time and brain cells, yes, it was a bad book,” you admit, snatching it from his grip before he tossed it in the trash, “but it’s not ours.”

John steals the book back, snickering as he holds it high above your head,

“You got that from the library? That’s it, I’m returning our cards, we’re never going back there!”

You laugh, slapping his arm and still reaching for the book, “John!”

Surprisingly carelessly, he drops it to the floor and makes a grab for your hand instead. He hooks an arm around your waist and brings you in as close as he can. Softly, Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me) is introduced on the radio and John grins fiendishly. You don’t have time to wonder if he’s nervous or feeling spontaneous when he starts dancing you around the kitchen.

“We got this right?” He asks quietly, resting his cheek against your head.

“It’s a little late to be asking that now but…” You press a kiss to his neck, smiling against his jumping pulse, “Yeah. We got this, love.”

He’s done everything he ever wanted, and then some, lived almost every experience there was to, found the love of his life. Happy didn’t begin to cover it! He didn’t know how it could possibly get better. He’s overflowing with joy, eyes watery where his mirth escapes. Behind you, he’s able to see straight into the nursery that he never thought, didn’t dare hope, would be occupied with a Munchkin of his own.

~

• Here’s the deal: you can have the first name, you can have the middle name, you can even have the last hyphenated! He just wants “Munch” at the very end… He also gets 3 vetos— no, 5 because he remembers what you named your childhood pet

• Once his office, now a nursery is a pleasant pale mix of your favorite colors. You paint the walls, build a crib and decorate the room together. He doesn’t want to miss out on a single experience, suffers through a two hour shopping spree and can count his complaints on one hand. He’s grateful he did too, now every time he steps inside to check on the baby he’s flooded with those fond memories

• You take night feeds and he handles the morning ones, that’s the routine during his time off. John may not be one for rigid schedules but he doesn’t mess around with the baby, or you. He really forces you to take advantage of him while he’s home. Has food there when you wake up, makes sure you get rest, cleans up while you feed the baby, swoops in to steal said baby so you can have a break

• You think apart of the aforementioned is guilt, like being a detective is his mistress, John feels bad he wants to go back to work. For weeks he could stay trapped in this happy bubble, living in pajamas and tiredly laughing as you both just stared at your sleeping kid. But he’s not ready to leave his job yet, it beacons him back to reality eventually

• Whatever book he was reading before they woke up, the newspaper, the billboard across the street, John’s always reading to the baby. Every night ends with his all time favorite, The Velveteen Rabbit

• Nicknames galore, he’s got ammunition for months. Along with the references you don’t always understand, “Munchkin” comes second to “bug”. Cuddle-bug, love-bug, stink-bug, little-bug, hungry-bug, silly-bug. Unfortunately for your kid, it stuck.

- Don will smirk delivering a message from you, “There’s a Bug problem waiting for you at home.”

- “Oh, let me say hi to Bug.” Olivia says while already taking the phone from him.

- “‘Sup, Munch, where’s The Big Bad Bug at?” Fin will ask, pushing through the door per his godfather rights.

- Eliot kicks a diaper box under his desk every other month, Love The Stabler’s in Kathy’s handwriting on the side, and in his own, For the Stink Bug.

• John’s stupidly proud. Right next to you in his wallet, framed on his desk, phone screensaver, is Bug. He always hated those parents that would shove ugly baby pictures in his face and say ‘isn’t my kid the cutest?’ so he doesn’t do that, god help anyone who asks about his baby, though

• Hard days hit harder when he comes home late to a quiet house. John’s quiet, desperate enough to ghost a kiss to your forehead but prays he doesn’t wake you. Then he sits in the nursery, forehead against the wood of Bug’s crib and watches the rise and fall of their little chest, abundantly grateful for each breath they took

• John’s determined not to be his father, sometimes that dark shadow stretches and you have to give him a hard push into the light. Logically he knows he’s a good dad, he’s doing everything right— arbitrary word for parenting but, you digress— and it still won’t feel like enough.

- “You’re so good with Bug,” you say, kissing his shoulder as you join the snuggle pile.

- “Aw, did you miss your dad? Yeah?” You answer for the giggling baby as they reach for him.

Hearing it from you makes all the difference in the world

• He missed so many firsts that he tears up when Bug starts walking. Clear as day, he’ll remember it for the rest of his life, you sat across from him showing off how well Bug could stand. Then one step, two, towards him. Swooping them off the floor and pulling you into his arms, he kissed you both no less than a thousand times.

• By the way he doesn’t want Bug’s first word to be “dadda”. He aims for “defund”. What? Babies can make the b, f and d sound, it’s not impossible!

“Jeez, honey, are you planning on taking them to a protest already?” You asked incredulously.

“Didn’t I tell you? There’s one Thursday in front of City Hall. I’ll try to get us a photo in the front page for you.” John shoots back with a cheeky grin, turning his attention back to the babbling baby, “C’mon Bug, dee-fun-duh, you can do it!”

• His list of favorites is getting longer than War and Peace, he loves everything about his kid. He loves seeing traits of you in Bug, determined, kind, patient, that adorable little smile that lights up any room. Stubborn, curious, too smart for their own good, with selective hearing at times might stem from him. He still loves it. He loves watching Bug’s mind hard at work when doing a puzzle or figuring out how to say something or expressing their big emotions

• He loves being a dad

• Every time he thought he couldn’t be happier, he ends up smiling so much his cheeks hurt

[tmbgaresuck]

Listen. I am SECRETLY a super TMBG hater, disguised as a TMBGhead...your posts are so true to me!

Real stories that are so horrifying that people think they aren't true!

I just don't know how people get past this! It's like there's

Zillions of terrible things...

Zero things the johns could ever do right!

Please, your word should be spread!

Extraordinary how these things could go under so many noses!

Noses...big, fat, oblivious noses.

Great that you are willing to spread the word of such terrible stories.

Unless...people won't listen. Words are never spread ...but ignored.

I truly believe you should be believed! The Johns literally came to my house last night and stole my turtleneck collection!

Not even to mention what they've done to the poor they/thems of the world...

Spread your word, Tmbgaresuck. You have my full support.

its honestly so disturbing how much TMBG fans are willing to let the johns get away with. They both say evil and fucked up things all the time, and sing about fucked up things (i think hideaway folk family was a warning to the world). TMBG will turn a blind eye to ANYTHING (such as the song when will you die???) and their songs don't make much sense either (what does hoobalicious mean again??). TMBG fans will go to violent ends to protect their music, such as teasing, taunting, and throwing your bookbag in the garbage. They love TMBG so much they can't even realize that it sucks and they should listen to Ween.

I will try my best to spread the word before my inevitable death *cough cough marty beller the hit man cough cough*

As with your turtlenecks, I'm sorry but I don't know if you'll ever get those back. They don't even wear the turtlenecks they steal half of the time, they just steal them to make your life more miserable and bad. Its like a prank thought up by teenage boys but they aren't teenage boys, they are 80 year old men. They should be playing shuffleboard, not Flood! Your police department might do nothing, I know mine doesn't! I make biweekly calls about TMBG and they have started calling social workers on me.

My heart goes out to all the they/thems of the world. I'm sorry your pronouns are being used by john FAILSBURGH and john BIG L. I bet when they introduce themself to a TMBGhead, the tmbghead is all like "they? Iike might be giants?"

signing off,

TMBGaresuck

[gyubby99]

Julia pls

#lianagotobed2023

Tw: mentions of R*pe, a guy named Jason.

Also, they're not together in this. Just mere acquaintances.

"Aponi, dear, are you in there?"

She was. He knew she was.

She was in the room, but she'd dare not to speak for it could bring her walls down.

Even if her intentions in this hotel is pure and this was some sort of "therapy sessions but you get a free room" type of program, she still had trouble telling everyone about it.

The mark on her neck.

"Hmm.." a radio static was heard from the other side of the door. "You know, I'll be the first to down that jambalaya if you don't come out!" The radio demon exclaimed, trying to bribe her into coming out. His voice switching from static to normal for a brief moment.

She so often would fall for it, but not this time.

"Aponi?" He called out once more.

No. She couldn't. She just couldn't. For once in her life she just wanted to be alone.

Memories flooded her mind of what had happened moments after she died almost 50 years ago.

Ghosts of his lips biting hers, his hands pulling her hair as he tells her she was the fairest of all.

If she was so fair, how come he threw her away like garbage?

"You're so beautiful, princess"

"JASON, STOP! PLEASE!"

Aponi slammed her hand over her mouth, clutching her eyes close as she sat on the floor, shaking.

Even in the afterlife his ghost had managed to get a hold of her.

She never should have looked in that mirror.

"Alrighty, then! I guess I'll save some for you!" Alastor stated before he walked away, footsteps fading as he steps away further from her room.

She couldn't care less about anyone at the moment.

"My friend, I've decided to bring you some jambalaya instead! Let me just put it here," Alastor suddenly bursted into her room with a small tray in hand, putting it on her table.

Aponi let out a shriek of horror as she realized that he had the keys to each room. Therefore having the access to get in whenever he pleased, as much as he respects her privacy.

"As a devoted hotel staff, I assure that the guests have great services! err.." he stopped himself, looking down on Aponi.

A static noise as he tilted his head.

Shattered mirror glass. And the latest patient on the floor breaking down.

He cleared his throat. "Forgive my intrusion on your despair, but shall I call Charlotte to help with your specific situation?"

Aponi shook her head as she buried her head onto her knees, her arms wrapped around it.

"No.. just.. just leave me alone, please." Aponi cried weakly.

Alastor stayed silent, his eyes still on Aponi.

Then he caught a glimpse of something she was trying to hide.

Her neck.

But why?

Then he recalled the first time he saw her when he first arrived at the hotel.

There was a mark around her neck, that he thought was a unique birth mark, then again, why would she have a birthmark specifically in that area?

He put the pieces together.

She hung herself.

The shattered mirror, the turtlenecks, always making sure her hair covers her nape..

"If it is solitude you're asking for, my friend. Blow off some steam, I sometimes personally prefer to work on my grand schemes alone." Alastor tried to make her feel better, but he never knew how to.

He was apathetic to most of things.

Aponi chuckled. "Ofcourse."

Alastor bid farewell, before shutting her door close.

Aponi climbed to her bed and wrapped herself in a thick blanket, one that Niffty handmade.

"Stay still, you bitch!"

"Fuck.. you're a good kisser, Lilly."

Aponi sobbed onto her pillow, her mind acting on its own flashing memories upon itself. She'd gone out of control, like a broken radio that's full of static noises when you press play.

"Relax, princess. No one's gonna know!"

"This remains a secret between us."

"Make it stop, please.." she cried to no one.

"Make it stop.."

~~~~~

Aponi grumbled as she woke up, her eyes fluttering open and slowly she got a glimpse of the side of her bed.

Nothing special. Just a nightlamp, cup of water, the small thing she won from loo loo land with beginner's luck the first try..

And a box? A red box.

Aponi got up, still dizzy from passing out.

She needed that good cry.

She picked up the small box, examining it before finding a note.

It said, "Alastor" in red and next to it was a poorly drawn face of him smiling.

Aponi raised an eyebrow, wondering what possessed the demon to be concerned of her, let alone leave her a present in her sleep?

He could be Santa Claus next christmas.

She untied the red ribbon and opened the box albeit a little hastily.

Her eyes widened in surprise. How did he..

It was a choker in the colors of the butterfly wings on her back.

She tried it on and got up to look at herself in a piece of the shattered mirror.

Aponi smiled, a little amazed that the radio demon paid attention to the details of her wings, and was intelligent enough to know about what she had been breaking down about hours ago.

"I see you've been up," a familiar radio voice boomed, and her hotel room door was once again opened.

"Not too long, I just woke up." Aponi responded.

Alastor hummed. "Very well, then! What do you think?" He asks, gesturing to the choker she now wore.

"It's.. beautiful. Thank you, radio demon." Aponi thanked politely.

Alastor laughed. "You know my name, dear! Use it!" He exclaimed. "My mother came up with a better name for me than those loathesome sinners! Though I must admit, I like the title."

Sounds of laughter filled the room.

Aponi laughed as well as the sound he broadcasted. "Thanks, Alastor."

[rigginsstreet]

how would season 2 of riverdale look like if you were writing it? (also please don't hold back on the word count for this ask)

everyones gay. the end.

no ok i will try and go for a realistic version of what i think season 2 could have been. i mean personally i think its realistic to have all the parents be gay but whatever. (*edit from future briana. lol i aint make this shit realistic everybody G A Y) also this is probably gonna be all over the place cuz i have a lot of problems with a lot of characters story arcs so just...we’ll see what happens. also also this is obviously focusing on the parents im sure the kids will get mentioned at some point in regards to certain storylines but for the most part i dont watch them so i dont know what the fuck theyre doing unless it pertains to an adult. ok here we go (i hope you know what you asked for by saying dont hold back on word count...)

lets just get the obvious out of the way FRED AND FP WOULD HAVE SO MANY FUCKING SCENES IF I WAS RUNNING SHIT LIKE THEYD PROBABLY BECOME THE MAIN CHARACTERS SUCK A DICK ITS THE SHOW I DESERVE I DONT CARE WHAT YALL WANT

like from season 1 i had this vision of how i wanted s2 to play out

fp was gonna find out fred was shot, alice was gonna go visit him in jail about it or theyd meet up when he got out and they were gonna team up to avenge fred. thats what shouldve happened ok fight me. THE ONLY APPROPRIATE F*LICE INTERACTION

and then fp was gonna take care of fred. they were gonna work on their relationship. shit was gonna get dramatic but it was gonna be beautiful because ultimately they would realize theyre both the best friends each other ever had and they were better together than apart. 

and thats how the whole black hood thing would be dealt with and we never had to hear about it again

and then with the introduction of hiram and everything going down with the lodges buying freds company + fps dealings with hiram and hermione in the past and the bad blood there that was just...completely dropped... fred and fp were gonna come up with this master plan to screw over hiram and get the company back and then theyd go back to working construction together and happy days would be on the horizon. 

with that being said.... hiram and hermiones storyline this season is honestly the only interesting worthwhile thing. im not mad at it

im a little mad at archie joining the mafia like for one, anyone who knows anything about mob culture, you dont let outsiders in. and if you do, its not that fucking easy. its like “run some errands for me let me put you through some tests. ok youre family” no. i mean i get we’re on the cw but this was really the ...not even pg13 this was some g rated mob shit on archies part but whatever

lets hop on over to the coopers

i called from the beginning that chic was gonna be up to some bullshit and the narrative thats going right now with hal being painted as the bad guy and running off to penelope and alice running into fps arms is absolute utter Garbage™

what SHOULDVE happened (and granted the story is still playing out but lochlyns got a new show and thats very sus to me so... im expecting the worst) is chic comes in all innocent at first and maybe hals still put off, reasonably so, but this clearly means a lot to alice so he sticks it out. and as chic lets his freak out and the family has to deal with this, they grow closer and become more bonded and alice and hal become stronger as a couple and when all is said and done they eventually decide to go to couples counseling or family counseling and everybody works out their bullshit and they all start their journey to becoming a stable fucking family unit

ok now penelope. she’s another one that im actually for the most part enjoying her story but this whole hal business?? unrealistic

what they needed to do was just let her have her ho business and live her life

and also tell cheryl to stop running her mouth

like i really dont need them to have a great relationship personally like fine if they did whatever but cheryl kinda annoys me so penelope telling her whats up is no skin off my back

oh and this whole homophobic business? NOT IN MY SEASON 2

or if they really wanted to keep this contrived ass heather story to give cheryl some depth or whatever, then the least that could happen is it be revealed that penelope is gay herself and was scorned by an ex lover (alice) and was taking it out on her daughter

and then that could come to light and they talk about it and penelope eventually accepts she’s gay and she can be open about it now and she goes on to get herself a beautiful rich powerful girlfriend and my girl pen is set bitch !!! (i will also only accept alice and hal breaking up if alice too comes out and ends up with penelope)

somebody was coming out of my version of s2 gay i mean listen i could also write you a thing about how fp and fred could still get together ...

YOU KNOW WHAT LETS FUCKING TALK ABOUT HOW FP AND FRED COULD GET TOGETHER WHY THE FUCK NOT ITS MY SEASON 2 IMMA DO WHAT I WANT  ITS 20GAYTEEN

fps been spending all this time around fred nursing him back to health after the shooting

and theyve been able to work out all their unresolved bullshit

plus them teaming up to take hiram down

theyve been spending many a cold winter night together

old flames are rekindling 

they both notice they each keep finding little reasons to touch one another

theyre stealing glances when they think the other one isnt paying attention

they start to notice how fucking happy theyve been together theyve both become so playful and intimate with one another

theyre at pops one night having milkshakes

fred has whipped cream on his face

fps trying to tell him where but fred keeps missing it

theyre both laughing

fp reaches over and swipes his thumb softly over the corner of freds mouth

their laughter starts to die down as they both realize theres still this spark of electricity between them

its been sitting there under the surface this whole time waiting to blow up

next thing they know fps leaning over the table to kiss fred 

its soft and sweet and gentle but filled with such passion and urning its been so long since anyones touched them like this and god all the memories of their secret high school hookups come flooding back its like no time at all has passed they just fit together so well

ANYWAY now that fps with fred and this whole north v south thing is going on its creating a whole bunch of tension and like imagine all the drama that would come from the leader of the serpents dating riverdale mayor fred andrews oh my god ??? sign me the absolute fuck up where is THAT iconic storyline

speaking of fred

where the fuck is that pill addiction huh??? we gotta throw that in for drama ok i NEED. IT.

and then mary gets called into town and fp mary and archie are coming together to get fred through this. holding a fucking INTERVENTION ??? 

alice can show up too why not

bring hal

hermione maybe? like i know in her heart she probably cares but maybe dont have your ex gf who is also a mob boss show up at your intervention....

although that would make for a good fp x hermione showdown

hermiones invited

what else do we need....

i need alice and hermione

i dont know in what capacity i just know i need it

we definitely need a moms night out episode which would be hilarious because it just ends with alice and penelope making out and hermione and mary making out and sierra is facetiming tom like “please come pick me up”

speaking of sierra i dont mind this storyline with tom i just wish we could..actually see it...

OH I ALMOST FORGOT SOMETHING SO IMPORTANT HOW DARE I! I NEED FP RAISING HIS SERPENT KIDS !!!! AND MY S2 INCLUDES JOAQUIN OK I MISS HIM JUST GIVE ME FP TRYING TO HERD JOAQUIN AND FANGS AND TONI AND SWEET PEA AND I GUESS JUGHEAD CAN COME ALONG TOO SINCE HES ACTUALLY FPS SON... WHATEVER

god i just want fp and fred having date night down at the whyte wyrm and tonis pestering them about sharing stories from high school and how they fell in love and she wants to hear all the hot gossip and jugheads like “no gross i dont want to hear this”but joaquin an fangs and sweet pea are ENTHRALLED like they wanna hear everything too they wanna know about all the stupid shit fred and fp used to do to land in detention

OH OH AND THEN WE CAN HAVE A WHOLE THING WITH PENELOPE AND CHERYL HAVING A HEART TO HEART ABOUT PENELOPE BEING IN LOVE WITH ALICE IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WE GET PARALLELS OF THEM AND CHONI

i told yall this shit was gonna be all over the place

hell maybe even gladys played by neve campbell would show up at one point so fp can see his fucking daughter thatd be neat

and gladys and fp decide to end things for good and go through with the divorce but its amicable and theyre friends. she could move back to riverdale but then im thinking of jellybean having to be taken out of school... so maybe they stay in toledo but gladys and fp come up with a plan for holidays and summer vacation and its all just very pleasant ok. 

if we want to go with the tragic heterosexual version of riverdale, i fully support gladys and fp getting back together btw its what god wants

but so long as we’re living in my lala fantasy land.... fp ends up with fred and gladys and fp call truce

alice and fp would be F R I E N D S

no ones hiding no dead bodies

no ones making weird inappropriate comments about leaving spouses

alice is not going serpent!alice on everyone

no

gross

get out of my face

theyre friends and they banter a lot but theres still a deep PLATONIC love there for each other

ok i think i covered everything i wanted.....

am i delusional?

maybe

but is my version more fun?

absolutely