#pov where no one gives a fuck about the indian girl and in the entertainment industry??? they rather die than give me a chance

[me-uglypretty]

i won't recover from that lucy bronze interview where it feels so much like a date and i just- i literally have a degree in journalism. that could be me?? what am i doing with my life?? how do i get there??

[mellarkably]

🚨 NHIE SPOILERS BELOW 🚨

first of all. that was a crazy ass season. so much happened and i can barely keep up or remember. so while this probably won't be a coherent or well worded recap, yhat defintely won't go over everything that i just watched for the past six hours, it'll just be my thoughts for now.

personally, i really liked the kamala plot and her struggle in the workplace. it was probably one of my favorite parts of the season. i'm not sure if kamala will be ditching prashant for mr. kulkarni but if she does i wouldn't be shocked. considering how prashant played into the whole workplace problem. also rip steve lol who remembers him. homie got done dirty.

now speaking of devi. there were many things she did this season that were not at all good or rational. however, i do like the fact that they delved more into her grief, and overall she actually seemed to develop over the season which made me happy. there are aspects of her grieving process that kinda felt unanswered, but hey, it is what it is. for what it's worth, im happy with the amount of growth she had over ten episodes. i actually felt like giving devi a hug so many times towards the end. and maitreyi killed it as always.

regarding the new kids! malcolm, well, i honestly kinda have intense apathy towards him as a character. he was cool at the start, a dick at the end—so yeah, i feel like he served his purpose overall. i felt extremely bad for oliver the entire time. and aneesa! she was the coolest addition they could honestly have had to the team. she's fun, charming, and fits in very well. i felt extreme sympathy for her ed and im glad they put a hotline at the end of those episodes. she's a great girl.

i'm very glad they gave paxton more of a well fleshed out personality this season. he seemed much more personable overall. although i felt like his episode at times fell a bit flat or felt too preachy regarding the whole hot people can be smart too concept, it was overall a fantastic episode and gigi hadid was a great choice as narrator. also loved the little switch to ben's pov when andy steps in. that was funny. i also liked the fact that they went into his ethnicity!

regarding his romantic feelings for devi though. i feel like i can't understand? like does he like her? does he not? is he embarassed of her? is he not? i failed to understand where he was most of the time. the mixed signals, like. paxton. i like you, but huh? well, to be fair, the romance in devi's life this season was pretty much a rollercoaster ride anyways so. i do love paxton's obijan though. great guy. we didn't get enough of rebecca though!

out of the two besties, i honestly liked fab's story a lot more. it felt relatable, that whole feeling of not being able to fit in as a new sapphic. and i adore fab and eve. i'm glad they didnt make their relationship too cookie cutter.

eleanor's subplot was alright. again, it was really hard to kinda, if i put this blatantly, give a fuck about malcolm and whatever their relationship was. (loved tyler alveraz's performance though) but i liked her talking with her stepmom sharon. i wish they spent more time on that rather than malcolm but again, they don't have much time to waste.

i loved nalini's subplots. all of them. she was honestly one of my fav characters this season, as well as devi's grandma. we got to delve into the indian culture more too, so that was very cool. her relationship with dr. jackson was also nice for the short time they had with each other. i didn't expect them to breakup, i kinda just expected devi to learn to be okay with her mother moving on, but then again, i also agree that it felt a little fast. i loved the flashbacks with mohan too.

i feel like i wanna save ben and benvi for last because i have too much to say. it was an absolute rollercoaster ride to be a team ben while watching this season. i'm a bit dissapointed that we didn't get any individual plot regarding him, stuff that didn't have to do with girls, but i get why. he got that in s1, and it was paxton's turn to shine.

regarding the whole ben and aneesa thing; honestly, i think they're cute. i love aneesa and i love ben. i just want him to be happy. but it's clear he still has feelings for devi and he doesn't really know what he wants, which sucks for everyone involved. i think that he just assumed that devi liked paxton more than him, that he was her second choice (which honestly, considering the things that transpired, it's not very hard to see why he though that, and he was clearly hurt with her clear choice of paxton over him on multiple occassions) but oh well.

i feel like ben was a catalyst for a lot of the things devi needed to do. like apologize to aneesa, for example. and in that way, they still work well. i loved their banter, whenever we got it. i have hope for them in season 3 (if it happens), considering the way they ended it, but eh. aneesa is also a great girl, so it sucks that this is the direction we're going. but yeah. i am a bit bitter with the dreadf lack of benvi i kinda got this season, but their conversations and the way he helped push her development did make me feel a little better.

as for what team i'm on or whatever, i don't feel like i'm avidly on any team tbh. i'm still lowkey rooting for ben and devi. the reason why i'm not completely getting behind daxton is because i didn't really like what paxton did in episode 10, with the whole not wanting them to be public thing. the entire season felt like he was sending mixed signals. not that i'm saying hes a shitty guy or anything, but yeah. and the reason i'm not completely team ben is because he seems to be teetering between aneesa and devi, so yes, again with the mixed signals. kind of. but the reason i'm still rooting for ben is because i really liked the way they pushed each other, or majorly, he pushed her development, with asking her to apologize, etc. and although him getting together with anessa was not a win for me, a benvi, to relish, i think it helped devi learn to act a little more mature and less territorial.

if i'm being completely honest, i think that devi needed to be single at the end of this season, at least for now. i read the synopsis of episode 10 and was kinda hoping that she'd make that choice, that she'd choose herself, because what she needs isn't a boyfriend. what she needs is just to recover. and i honestly still don't feel like she completely got over her dad's death.

OVERALL THOUGH. this was a much better season than the first one. i feel like they finally got into their groove in terms of acting and comedy. (also trent is the funniest >>>) although i felt like this season was kinda like the first one but on steroids, which at most times was very anxiety inducing to watch, i did like the episodes and i was heavily entertained. go watch it!

i also really need a season 3 so—

[shadowtearling]

January is over! I’m both glad and surprised it came and went so quickly. I feel proud of myself for reading as much as I did this month!!!! I think the new year is always a good motivator to read read read. I love it. I’m doing a better job so far this year of reading whenever I can and taking advantage of my spare time in between and before classes. PLUS the long commute helps. Last year, I constantly found reason to NOT read, and this year, it’s like I can’t get enough! I also apparently can’t get enough of the exclamation point. Is it too much? Also! Do you all like this new banner? Any font suggestions? I’m clearly terrible at picking fonts; too indecisive. :( Anyway! On to the books!!!

Rating system: 2017 is the year of reading critically if I want to add diversity to my list of priorities for the kind books to be reading. This means also being a little more stingy with my ratings. (I don’t feel bad about this actually. I found I feel guiltier giving out five stars willy nilly, so this is an improvement!). This rating system is still arbitrary, so three star ratings don’t always have the same weight to them. As always, I rate based on my own thoughts and feelings, and as always, these are my opinions (unless I’m speaking about my marginalization(s). Don’t argue lmao). 

Rating Scale: 🌟 - 1 whole star ⭐️ - ½ star

Nichijou: My ordinary life (Vol. 1 & 2) by Keiichi Arawi - 🌟  🌟  🌟  = 3/5  (for both) This is a manga series about high school everyday life, but with a twist! (she said with sarcasm) There are a bunch of girls in high school and one of them happens to be a robot who just wants to fit in and be human (and her child scientist companion). One of the girls also happens to love making puns, one of them is the typical deadpan-type of characters, and the others are the normal ones. Some jokes were funny, most of them were not. I love puns, but this just had really terrible ones. The characters were supremely uninteresting, and I really don’t care about any of them. That said, while I was reading this, I guess I was entertained for the time being. This helps pass time quickly, but not the greatest manga I’ve ever encountered. 

Sweetness and Lightning (Vol. 1) by Gido Amagakure - 🌟  🌟  🌟   = 3/5  What’s better than food-related manga? Nothing! Except, I can find better food-related manga out there than this lmao. This was fun to read, but I found all of the characters were bland. I couldn’t find myself too invested in their stories. I also feel like this is going in the direction of student-teacher relationship (younger me would have loved that, but me now is absolutely creeped out by the idea of it). The child is adorable, though. I also do really love the positive relationship between the child and the dad, so that’s one redeeming quality. I don’t think I’ll continue with this series, though, unless I find copies of this for cheaps. 

Orange (Omnibus Vol. 1 & 2) by Ichigo Takano - 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 = 5/5 (for both) Out of all 12 books I’ve read this month, these are the only two five-star reads! I’m stingy lmao. Anyway, this was soooooooo good! Basically, this series is about this girl, Naho, who on the first day of her junior year (I THINK... don’t hold me to this), she receives a letter from future her telling her what will happen on those days and what she needs to do versus what she should avoid doing. She dismisses that letter until the contents come true! So this series then entails what happens with those letters and Naho & her friends. I cried so many tears and felt so many feelings. I related so hard to Kakeru even though our struggles were not the same. I also really loved the ending (even though I know a lot of people didn’t like how open-ended it was). I appreciated that aspect of the story because it feels true to the kind of tale it’s telling. It perfectly depicts how friends first react versus how they should react to other friends’ struggles. I really love the dynamics between every person, and I can only wish this series was longer to explore the different friendships we were introduced to. I HIGHLY recommend this series. Please go read it! (And then tell me so we can binge-watch the anime together!)

Something in Between by Melissa de la Cruz - 🌟  🌟  🌟  ⭐️   = 3.5/5  A story with a Filipina lead?! Sign me up! This tells the story of Jasmine who is the perfect student and is set to kick ass in college until she learns that her and her entire family have been illegal immigrants the entire time, and this super awesome scholarship she was supposed to get can no longer help her. I really loved getting to see my own culture reflected in this story (this is an #ownvoices ;) so go check it out). I didn’t appreciate the little jabs at other cultures though I do understand where it comes from. I also think there was so much happening? I feel like Jasmine and her fam were trying to tackle so much all at once (it’s realistic bc what POC doesn’t go thru so much in so little time), but also it made for a messy story. OH! I hated the writing lmao. It was tacky and not my style. I also think I’m just hella tired of YA contemporaries, but as of right now, they’re the biggest source for diversity in any YA category. Fantasy is still far too white lol. I still would recommend this because it is an important story that helps humanize immigrants, but beware lmao.

Simon vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli- 🌟  🌟  🌟  = 3/5  I really enjoyed this story, but I was expecting so much more than what I was given. I hear everyone always raving about how fantastic this book was, but I think this was way too overhyped for me, which is why I didn’t like it as much as everyone else. I feel like the tension between friends was either unnecessary or done poorly (I’m talking about Leah here). HOWEVER, I still do like it. Simon was a fun character, and Blue was also really interesting. I also really love the discussion around consent and identity, and I think it was done well. 

Welcome to the Shadowhunter Academy (#1) by Cassandra Clare - 🌟  🌟  🌟  = 3/5  Simon felt reaaaaaally out of character in this novella. Maybe that’s bc of what happened at the end of TMI and that’s a valid excuse, but it makes me uncomfortable. Simon was one of the better characters in that series, and I really feel like he got butchered here. With that said, however, I do think that this novella shows improvement in CC’s writing because I still surprisingly enjoyed it. I just don’t think I’ll continue on with CC’s works? I think this is me breaking up with the Shadowhunter chronicles. She’s also highly problematic, so there’s that. 

The Star Touched Queen by Roshani Chokshi - 🌟  🌟  🌟  🌟  🌟  = 4/5 LOVE This! An #Ownvoices fantasy about Mayavati whose horoscope entails a marriage with death and destruction. I buddy read this one with one of my really close friends (she doesn’t read too often), and we both really enjoyed it. Maya is this really dynamic character that, as the story progresses, really matures in a realistic way. The writing was phenomenal but I do think it was a bit out of place? Idk I always have problems whenever the writing is sophisticated but then it’s first person POV. Like.... I’m pretty positive that my brain cannot conceive even half of those words to describe what’s happening around me. I’d see a tree and I’d describe it as “green and really tall...” So there’s that. I also think that the writing kind of made it difficult to fall in love with the couple. I didn’t totally buy the romance, despite me loving both characters individually. I love the incorporation of different aspects of Indian culture as part of the fantasy elements of the world. I would love more from this story, but as it stands, this is where Maya’s story ends (the next book is actually a companion........). I highly recommend it! (Even though it sounds like I didn’t like it lmao I promise I did).

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake - 🌟  🌟  🌟  🌟  🌟  = 4/5 I absolutely loved this. First of all, I appreciate that I can tell each sister apart from one another because they have such distinct personalities (Arisonoe is my fave as it turns out even if she has a dumb ass name). It’s a super slow book that basically builds up to the fight to the death (it doesn’t actually happen in this book). I knew that going in which is why I wasn’t salty when it didn’t happen. Basically, we get introduced to the sisters in this book, find out that there are some hella issues going on with their missing powers, and it gave us time to get used to the world all while introducing us to the characters. My number one biggest giant complaint is that I realllllly fucking hate Joseph. He’s an asshat and I hope he dies in book two. Katharine please kill him. There was an unnecessary love triangle lmao like fuck off with that shit maybe. I also hated Pietyr. So basically, the dudes are assholes and the girls are fantastic. Maybe that was the point? This is a matriarchal society so I guess it worked. Highly recommend if you really like politically-driven books and a large cast of characters.

Every Heart a Doorway by Seannan McGuire - 🌟  🌟  🌟  ⭐️   = 3.5/5 The writing is quite calming. Also confusing. This is another one of those far too hyped for me to love in the same way everyone else does. i appreciate the amazing concept and the wonderful conversations taking place in this book about identity, sexuality, gender, and mental illness. However, it was too short for me to really love any of the characters. I certainly failed to connect with the MC and didn’t feel for her anguish. It also left a bad taste in my mouth that the first person to be killed off in the murder mystery aspect happens to be POC when there were like 20 other white kids lmao........ NOT THAT I CONDONE MURDER but why we gotta kill POC for....... Idk. Proceed with caution I guess. 

Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe- 🌟  🌟  🌟  = 3/5  This was funny as hell. Basically, it’s about this lady whose name we never really know because she keeps changing it to suit her needs. She was born in a prison, so she’s set up to fail in every aspect of her life bc poor and no family. HOWEVER, this is the story of how she eventually says fuck you to everyone and succeeds anyway bc why not. I read this for class, and I highly enjoyed it. Problems: there were literally zero chapter breaks, random ass capitalization (why must 17/18th century authors do this to me), too many much cataloging of goods (though that was literally the point is to be excessive... I get it... pls stop), and the author basically just said to the plot “GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO” without taking a break. If you like classics similar to Jane Austen (but without the romance part bc she just basically scams all her husbands lmao), I think this is a really good one to check out. 

Thank you, lovely, for reading through this mess of a post. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful February reading month!