#precipitating thts

[fadelikeclouds]

Is Win still traumatized by Team’s near-drowning? I think so because the face he makes right before Team is about to compete reminds me of the scene when he was worried as he saw Team swimming for the first time after almost drowning. Either way though, he’s determined to give Team support, so he smiles in encouragement when Team looks for him. 

Then he drives his motorcycle for 2 hours in the rain because he got a phone call from Team, just to hear:

And yet, Win just holds Team. He doesn’t interrogate Team, he doesn’t lash out at him, or tell him to stop speaking nonsense. He let’s Team grieve and holds him. He understands that Team is emotionally compromised, and he doesn’t give a thought for himself. Even though just a few episodes ago, he was struggling with his own fears of losing Team.

Win does such a thorough job of showing just how important Team is to him. If Team needs him, he will disregard himself and show up, especially since he failed to be there for Team and found him suffering from nightmares on the hard hallway floor outside a locked door. And I’m just here hoping, praying that we get to see the day Team will be there to support Win when he really needs it. 

[wormmurder]

all ive been doing is reading infinite jest for the past 3 weeks. its so good its ruining everything else for me

[chemwhat]

Tetrahydrothiophene CAS#: 110-01-0

IdentificationPhysical DataSpectraRoute of Synthesis (ROS)Safety and HazardsOther Data Identification Product NameTetrahydrothiopheneIUPAC NamethiolaneMolecular StructureCAS Registry Number 110-01-0EINECS Number203-728-9MDL NumberMFCD00005476Beilstein Registry Number102392SynonymstetrahydrothiopheneThiolane110-01-0Thiophene, tetrahydro-ThiophaneThiacyclopentaneTetramethylene sulfideThilaneTetrahydrothiophenPennodorant 1013ThiofanThiolanTetrahydrothiofenNSC 5272744EHT13FMDTXSID3047760CHEBI:48458NSC-5272Thiofan TetramethylenesulfidePennodorant 1073Tetrahydrothiofen TETRAHYDROTHIOPHENE-2,2,5,5-D4HSDB 6122EINECS 203-728-9UN2412UNII-744EHT13FMAI3-30989tetrahydro-thiopheneMFCD00005476Tetramethylene sulphideTRIMETHYLENESULFIDETetrahydrothiophene, 99%EC 203-728-9CHEMBL1379TETRAHYDROTHIOPHENE DTXCID8027743NSC5272Tox21_304026AKOS006220479Tetrahydrothiophene, analytical standardUN 2412NCGC00357279-01CAS-110-01-0FT-0659266T0114EN300-105780InChI=1/C4H8S/c1-2-4-5-3-1/h1-4HQ412118Tetrahydrothiophene W-108699Molecular FormulaC4H8SMolecular Weight88.17InChIInChI=1S/C4H8S/c1-2-4-5-3-1/h1-4H2InChI KeyRAOIDOHSFRTOEL-UHFFFAOYSA-NIsomeric SMILESC1CCSC1   Patent InformationPatent IDTitlePublication DateCN113999131Method for visible light to promote nickel-catalyzed alkyl C-H bonding to prepare amide derivatives2022JP2020/180120CARBOXYLATE, CARBOXYLIC ACID GENERATOR, RESIST COMPOSITION, AND METHOD FOR PRODUCING RESIST PATTERN2020 CN112125891N2-selective tetrahydrofuran/tetrahydrothiophene substituted triazole derivative as well as synthesis method and application thereof2020CN1096084627-alkyl-9-alkoxy/mercaptopurine-8-one compound, synthesis method thereof and application of compound in medicines2019WO2018/2031942018 Physical Data AppearanceColourless liquidBoiling Point118~124°C Melting Point, °C -96.1 -96.8-96.16-96.06 Boiling Point, °CPressure (Boiling Point), Torr119119760.051121.117760122 - 124760119 - 121 Density, g·cm-3Reference Temperature, °CMeasurement Temperature, °C0.998692014200.9992420 Description (Association (MCS))Solvent (Association (MCS))Temperature (Association (MCS)), °CPartner (Association (MCS))Enthalpy of adsorptionhexane25zeolite YFurther physical properties of the adsorbed molecule-264.16Cu(001)Desorption25 - 2007 percent MoO3/γ-Al2O3 surfaceFurther physical properties of the adsorbed molecule24.9MoO3/γ-Al2O3 (initial)Enthalpy of adsorption Spectra Description (NMR Spectroscopy)Nucleus (NMR Spectroscopy)Solvents (NMR Spectroscopy)Frequency (NMR Spectroscopy), MHzFrequency (NMR Spectroscopy), MHzChemical shifts, Spectrum1Hchloroform-d1supporting informationChemical shifts, Spectrum13Cchloroform-d1supporting informationChemical shifts, Spectrum1Hchloroform-d1400supporting information Description (IR Spectroscopy)Solvent (IR Spectroscopy)Temperature (IR Spectroscopy), °CSpectrumpotassium bromideBandsneat (no solvent) Description (UV/VIS Spectroscopy)Solvent (UV/VIS Spectroscopy)Comment (UV/VIS Spectroscopy)Absorption Maxima (UV/VIS), nmExt./Abs. Coefficient, l·mol-1cm-1SpectrumN,N-dimethyl-formamide, waterSpectrumcyclohexane200 - 280 nmAbsorption maximacyclohexane202, 2192480, 870Spectrum180 - 230 nm Route of Synthesis (ROS) Route of Synthesis (ROS) of Tetrahydrothiophene CAS 110-01-0 ConditionsYieldIn ethanol; water at 20℃; for 2h;Experimental ProcedureTetrachloroauric(III) acid (1.0 g, 2.5 mmol) in 1.3 mL of water was added to 7.8 mL of ethanol andstirred at room temperature. To the resultant solution, 0.44 mL (4.9 mmol) of tetrahydrothiophene was addedslowly, stirred at room temperature for 2 h, and then white precipitate was appeared. The precipitate wascollected by filtration, washed with small amount of ethanol and air-dried to give 0.77 g (2.4 mmol) of whitesolid ((tht)AuCl) in 96% yield.96%In ethanol; water at 20℃; for 0.25h;95%In ethanol; water at 20℃;88%ethanol; water at 20℃;88% Safety and Hazards Pictogram(s)SignalDangerGHS Hazard StatementsH225: Highly Flammable liquid and vapor H302: Harmful if swallowed H312: Harmful in contact with skin H315: Causes skin irritation H319: Causes serious eye irritation H332: Harmful if inhaled H412: Harmful to aquatic life with long lasting effects Precautionary Statement CodesP210, P233, P240, P241, P242, P243, P261, P264, P264+P265, P270, P271, P273, P280, P301+P317, P302+P352, P303+P361+P353, P304+P340, P305+P351+P338, P317, P321, P330, P332+P317, P337+P317, P362+P364, P370+P378, P403+P235, and P501(The corresponding statement to each P-code can be found at the GHS Classification page.) Other Data TransportationKeep container tightly closed in a dry and well-ventilated place. Keep away from heat andsources of ignition.HS CodeStorageKeep container tightly closed in a dry and well-ventilated place. Keep away from heat andsources of ignition.Shelf Life1 yearMarket Price DruglikenessLipinski rules componentMolecular Weight88.1735logP1.687HBA0HBD0Matching Lipinski Rules4Veber rules componentPolar Surface Area (PSA)25.3Rotatable Bond (RotB)0Matching Veber Rules2 BioactivityIn vitro: EfficacyQuantitative Results Toxicity/Safety PharmacologyQuantitative Results Use Pattern Tetrahydrothiophene CAS#: 110-01-0 is used as an organic solvent, commonly employed in chemical synthesis and laboratory operations, particularly in reactions involving some sulfur compounds. Read the full article

[roseamongroses]

part (1): “flordia rain has the tendency for the dramatics, roman appreciates their efforts”

Warnings: Family Death/ Mentions of Death, Mentions of grief’

Characters: Roman Sanders, Patton Sanders

p(1) p(2)

Ao3

On paper, Patton and Roman were inseparable.

      He huffed into Patton’s jacket, ignoring the lingering smoke of his friend's house clinging to his clothes, and instead just drinking in Patton. 

On cue, strong hands wrapped around Roman’s waist, only further encouraging said redheaded gremlin to bury his face further, because Patton was safe, Patton wasn’t new, or unrecognizable.

        He listened to the increasing Florida Rain ™, the humidity making their embrace sticky, the clothes, that Patton so adamantly made him keep on like a coward, slick to his back due to an intriguing mixture of sweat, and the oncoming rain he couldn’t avoid. 

The air was thick, with the half-broken ceiling fan clattering dangerously above them, and the distant buzz of some abomination of life somewhere in the next room.

Patton had found him outside in the backyard, as far away he could get from the house without drawing his extended family’s too far off stares, too muffled apologies, and too warm embraces bombarding him again.

After all, how could he face them?

His Mom’s ragged heaving and sobs, half dressed in a robe and an old shirt from college praying at his sister’s empty bed is what they expected from him... 

His Ma’s almost erratic energy, planning the funeral, planning to donate, joining every community, group therapy, keeping the family’s head above water is what they wanted from him.

How could he tell them that he didn’t feel...anything?

It was too surreal as if he was watching the stages of grief unravel before him, reach out for him, but it felt like it grabbed someone else's hand. Someone else's life, as if he just happened to turn on the channel at the devastating plot twist.

Not like he was there.

He wasn’t really here.  

But Roman’s body was stubborn, even when he wasn’t and his heart kept beating, kept insisting, that he was. 

His skin shivering from the cold, only to calm in Patton’s hug insisted that he was, how his throat seemed to tighten, and how the world seemed to shake with precipitation fueled anger, insisted tht he was alive. 

How Patton’s unwavering comfort insisted he was alive, that he was here, and Patton could hear it.

And Roman almost believed it.

[bike42]

Saturday October 24, 2020 - Wood Lake Segment

It was our last day and we were in no hurry, but we were packed up and driving away from the cabin by 7:30am.  Its been a tough week and we’re all feeling it physically and Tam was nursing a shin injury, so we decided to hike just under 7 miles before heading for home.

Its fun for me to get so familiar with areas of Wisconsin where I’d previously not been.  I like planning the routes and the logistics of where to drop the cars. Sometimes that gets tough with so many Type A’s in our group, but this is our 28th day of this adventure and so far, so good!

We were about 30 minutes from the cabin, we dropped two cars partway into the Wood Lake Segment and drove two cars to where we left the IAT yesterday when we joined the THT.  It was a cold morning, about 20 degrees, with little chance of precipitation expected.  I dressed in layers, and started out in my YakTrax as the snow was crusty compared to previous days when it’d been in the 30’s.

We were hiking by 8:15 am, and walked south. The THT was still merged with the IAT – and after about 0.7 miles in we got to the official “start” of the THT with a largest parking lot we’ve seen (goes with what we’ve heard about the number of people that ski the THT in the winter).  We crossed Cty Hwy C and walked through an easement of private property, which means we saw several deer stands – felt eerie, but no activity today.  

After a bit we entered the IATA’s Marimor preserve, which was a gorgeous property.  We crossed Hwy 102 and officially entered the Wood Lake Segment.  One of the coolest parts of today was all the animal tracks we could see in the snow.  We had 4 inches a few days ago that froze pretty well, then a dusting on top of that which made for great prints:  bear, deer, beaver, squirrels, rabbits including prints that looked just like snowshoes so maybe a “snowshoe” hare, maybe coyote or fox, and dogs and a few humans. I was also mesmerized with the leaves that had fallen since the heavier snow.  They looked “frosted” and twinkled when the sun hit them.  The snow was loud and crunchy, which made conversations difficult, but I love the meditative nature of walking in the woods anyway so I was in my element.  

Being Saturday, we saw several groups of fellow hikers out there.  Nice to stop and trade stories for a bit.  We hiked for about 3 hours with just one snack break.  We got to the cars and shuttled to the other cars, then made a plan to meet for brunch in Medford.  Easy drive home from there.  We’ll be back for just two days in November, after that we’re at the mercy of schedules and Mother Nature.  This week has helped us all realize that we can do winter hiking – the snow in general was easier than the rocks and roots, there are no biting insects or ticks, and there are no snakes (I’m probably the only one happy about that), and we don’t need sunscreen.  The days are shorter, and the driving could be more hazardous, so we’ll have to watch the weather and hopefully 7 different schedules will come together and allow some spontaneity over the next few months!!

[verac]

what is ur favourite thing abt meteo and. if u have id memories, a good memory?? or maybe ur favourite flavour of ice cream!!

meteo is , so good and pure and i lov him

uuum i hav this rlly rlly vivid memory tht was like? leiv comforting me after th precipitation happened and she hugged me nd she was so soft i love her sm.................

also mint choco is the best

[fadelikeclouds]

So now I finally understand why this show is called hemp rope.

Win is afraid of losing Team. He doesn’t believe a red thread is strong enough to keep them together. After all the story of the red thread is a fairy tale (you know since they’re not Pharm and Dean who are reincarnated lovers meant to work through their past life trauma). Team thinks the story is fun, but he doesn’t believe that he and Win are “fated to be together”.

Both Win and Team want something stronger to rely on than the mythical red thread. They both hesitate to reach out to the other because they are afraid of what they will lose if they do so. People change, they fall out of love, and what is left is heartbreak. This episode shows that Win mourns the loss of his happy family. We know that Team lost his close childhood friend. To these two, love and loss seem to go hand in hand, so it’s no wonder they want some assurance that this time it’s going to be different. Hence the hemp rope. It’s thicker and stronger than a thread, and it’s something right in front of them. Rather than rely on superstitions, they’d rather act like dorks playing with a hemp rope, making light of their fears and waiting for the other person to give them confirmation that their love is real.

[fadelikeclouds]

“Even if other people don’t forgive you, you need to learn to forgive yourself.” - Team’s mother

But Team can’t forgive himself. He doesn’t know how, and so he goes to Ton’s grave to look for forgiveness from someone who can’t give it to him. (I’m crying.) Not to mention the way he runs away when he hears someone else coming to visit Ton’s grave, like he doesn’t have a right to be there, grieve there. (I’m still crying.)

Then he’s crying behind that bush as he looks at the gold medal that should have belonged to Ton. He feels like he’s stolen everything from Ton from his life to this gold medal. He doesn’t feel like he deserves anything, or has earned anything for himself. It’s all a debt that he’s desperately trying to repay, because he survived and Ton didn’t. It’s all so overwhelming, and he wishes that he had died instead.

But in this dark place, he calls Win. Which is a big deal because Team avoids burdening others with his problems. Sure, he'll beg Pharm for snacks, and ask Win to treat him to a meal. But he doesn’t tell anyone about his insomnia and anxiety. He doesn’t tell anyone that he almost drowned recently. Win discovered these things by accident and because he cared about Team, not because Team told him about them. So just the fact that these two have cultivated a relationship where Team is able to call Win, asking for someone to hold him together while he falls apart, is just so immensely beautiful to me. Because whether Team realizes it or not, he already believes that Win will be there for him no matter what, that Win will catch him.

And here is a person who desperately wants Team to stay alive. Win doesn’t know exactly what happened in Team’s past, and he can’t make Team forgive himself. All he can do is tell him how much he means to him, and that’s just really lovely. Because what Team needs right now isn’t someone who will tell him, “it’s not your fault”. He’s not in the mindset to be able to process and accept that. He needs someone to tell him that his life matters, that if he were to die there’s someone who might be just as devastated as Ton’s mother is. He might not be able to forgive himself yet, but he can start to see that he is valued.

TLDR: I love these two with my whole heart. I love seeing Team reach out for help when he's in the depths of his self-loathing. And I love how Win's love and care have melted away the walls that have been keeping Team isolated in his own pain.

[fadelikeclouds]

A, Bee, and Sea coming in clutch with some good advice, but it’s always easier said than done. Team finally found a place to keep him safe from his nightmares, but what if he ruins that by asking for something more of the relationship than Win is willing to give?

So he’s not ready to lay his heart bare and confess. But instead we do see him trying to convey his feelings more. He tries to address a source of his insecurity: how their relationship started. Lust does not necessarily lead to love. They’ve had sex more than once but what does it mean? I think he’s still afraid of the answer because he overheard Win say that he meant for their hook up to be casual. So he never finishes his question.

I thought that was going to be the end of it. But this boy still tries. He’s always been hesitant to show just how much Win means to him. But he’s doing his best to keep him, and so he tries.

And I love him for this. I love that we see him taking a step forward (no matter how small that step may seem).

Then at the end of the episode he asks Win to go see the Christmas lights with him (a date in my book especially since there’s two other couples having their Christmas lights dates). And he shows how happy he is when Win accepts, which contrasts with the beginning episodes where he is always hiding his smiles from Win.

TLDR: their relationship might feel like they’re moving at a snails pace, and they lack some communication, but there is some very satisfying progress imho.

[fadelikeclouds]

Diving into Tai’s mind: actions do not speak louder than words

First of all, I will say that I was upset with Tai at the end of episode 10. I am fine that Tai didn’t want to talk to Patts outside on the street. He was probably shocked and frightened by Patts angry outburst, and he wanted to put some time and distance between them so that they could cool off and talk more rationally later. What I’m less fine with is that Tai still refuses to say anything after Patts shows up at his door. And yeah, Patts probably shouldn’t have shown up drunk outside Tai’s door, but he is in pain and needs some comfort, and he tells Tai this. So why doesn’t Tai say anything to reassure Patts?

And now we come to the reason I am writing this. I don’t like staying upset at people, so I try to understand them. After thinking about things I am still frustrated with Tai, but a little less so. Here are the results of my musings.

Tai has been struggling with his parent’s divorce for over 2 years now. It’s easy to say that, but what does it mean? He is a romantic, and seeing his ideal of love crumble before him was frightening because it made him doubt the existence of love and happiness. Soulmates guarantee nothing. Love doesn’t last. Families can break apart. That’s a pretty dismal view of the world. Despair is never easy to cope with. He had his faith in love broken, so of course he wouldn’t talk to his soulmate, because why create a relationship that will only break your heart?

Then he sees Patts, and he starts to hope again. But he’s still hesitant. He’s still scared. He knows that there is no guarantees in relationships, soulmates or not. This is how he goes into his relationship with Patts, fighting against his doubts and fears the whole way. Throughout the beginning Patts is patient, kind, charming, and Tai begins to be more open to the idea of a relationship with this soulmate of his. Then the whole situation with Nara happens, and his fears and doubts about love come up again.

He talked with Nara; he knows how much she loved Patts, and he even cheered her on when he didn’t know Patts was her ex. They honestly loved each other, and seeing them kiss makes him question, again, what makes a relationship last. Confused and panicked, he decides to talk a walk to the Doi Mae Pliang in an effort to figure everything out... which doesn’t work. But he talks with Patts after he finds him in the ditch, and after being reassured that Patts does love him and would choose to love him even without being soulmates his mind clears. He knows he loves Patts, and all of Patts words and actions make him believe that Patts reciprocates that love. So he (nonverbally) agrees to officially date him when Patts asks him the next morning. At a glance, what’s the big deal? That’s only natural. This is a romance, of course they’re going to start dating. But as a character, this choice means that he is willing to face all his fears about being in a relationship, a big shift for the guy who ran away from his issues by remaining silent for 2 years. To be clear, I don’t think his fears go away, but Tai has the resolve that this relationship is worth it, that Patts is worth the risk of heartbreak.

And even then, he’s not ready to go the final step and have sex with Patts just yet. That is another level of vulnerability that Tai eases himself into, something that he doesn’t take lightly. In this episode, when he says he’s ready, to him it’s another way of showing how serious and committed he is to this relationship. He loves Patts, and is willing to face all the fears that comes with being in a relationship with his soulmate.

All of this is a big deal to Tai. These are very large steps that he has taken forward as someone who chose to very litterally suffer in silence every time it rained. Now, does he talk about this with Patts? Not in any great detail. That’s part of the problem.

To Tai it’s not even a question of whether to choose Patts or Lomfon. He loves Patts. All of his actions show just how much Patts means to him. And I think it hurts Tai that Patts doesn’t understand him. Because in Tai’s mind, he’s crossed oceans of fears, fought uphill battles against his skepticism, just to get here. Having Patts doubt Tai’s love makes him feel that Patts belittles all the pain and fear Tai’s endured to get to this point in the relationship. And that hurts because in a relationship, you want to be understood by your partner so that you can share in the joys and pains with them.

But what Tai doesn’t see is that Patts is in pain right now. Patts is scared and needs some words of reassurancs because he is human. He has his own fears and insecurities. He watched as his last relationship fell apart because he has a “soulmate”, something entirely out of his control. And with the appearance of a second soulmate, having Tai lie about seeing Lomfon, catching them at the perfectly wrong moment to see them kiss, Patts loses it. He’s angry and afraid because again, he could lose someone he loves because of this soulmate thing that he has no control over. That fear grips him, and when we’re like that, we can’t think calmly. Sometimes we need the support of others to help us through the dark avenues of the mind.

But instead of helping him, Tai feels like he’s said everything Patts is asking him to say, and he’s upset that Patts can’t hear him. And I get that. It’s frustrating when you feel like you’ve been saying something over and over again, and the other person just doesn’t seem to get it. What’s the point in trying to communicate when nothing you say will be understood? It feels as if all your efforts are just futile. But communication is a two way street. Being understood is an important part of a relationship, but it is equally important to try to understand the other person, which is what Tai is missing here. Tai has spoken through his actions, but what Patts needs are words. He needs to hear that Tai does love him, that he does choose him. We say that actions speak louder than words, but at times words are absolutely necessary.

[fadelikeclouds]

A Logical Love Doesn’t Exist

In this episode, Lomfon wants to know how he feels, who he likes. Sometimes the person we feel most unfamiliar with is ourselves, and for a person as logical as Lomfon, it can be hard to wrap his head around his feelings especially when they don’t make sense to him. He shares similar interests with Tai, they get along easily, so why does he also feel drawn to Tien? The concept of soulmates also doesn’t make total sense to him, but if he is soulmates with Tai, then that provides him an answer to who he should be in love with. He’s searching for some way to navigate his confusion, and although its an imperfect compass, being soulmates with Tai provides an answer, even if it’s not necessarily an emotionally honest answer.

Earlier in the series we also see Tien confront this question of how he feels. He goes around holding other people’s hands because he doesn’t understand what he felt when Lomfon held his hand in the classroom. They argue. They don’t get along. Liking Lomfon doesn’t make sense, but he can’t deny how he feels around him; he can’t help that he cares about him.

Tien has no hearing loss, no soulmate, nothing to guide him or influence his thinking but his heart. So he accepts his feelings for Lomfon.

And then we have this shitshow.

Lomfon is hurt and confused, and he lashes out at Tien, one of the sources of his confusion. It doesn’t make sense to love Tien. It makes more sense to love Tai, which is how Lomfon ends up on this date with Tai. And Tien is left behind. Because Lomfon doesn’t want to love him. He wants his love to be logical. But that’s not how the heart works. And so he is left confused, Tai and Phat are left sad and angry, and Tien is left heartbroken.

No one asks Tien how hurt he is. Tien doesn’t even elaborate on his pain. He’s angry at Lomfon for throwing Tai’s relationship into chaos, but he pauses when Lomfon says that he’s hurting. Ultimately, he doesn’t want any of the people he loves to be in pain, whether that be Tai or Lomfon. And he doesn’t mention his feelings until Lomfon tells him that this is none of his business:

(This scene just shatters me. My heart will be here, broken with Tien, for the rest of the week. The fact that now is the time when he confesses his feelings, when he’s so sure that Lomfon doesn’t love him, or at least doesn’t want to love him… I just… can’t.)

The concept of soulmates in his universe isn’t something inherently romantic. It’s something that creates confusion, causes doubt and fear. It becomes a crutch and an excuse in some cases. Lomfon doesn’t know how he feels? Well, he can avoid thinking about his feelings for Tien if he just accepts that Tai is his soulmate. Phat is afraid of his relationship failing like what happened with Nara? Well, he doesn’t have to worry about that with Tai since Tai is his soulmate. But both of them are forced to face these things in this episode, when their status as “soulmates” is ripped away from them. There is no magic answer. There is no perfect fix. Confusion and fear are things that they have to work through themselves. Tien already worked through his confusion about his feelings. Tai worked through his fears about being in a relationship that has no guarantees of a happily-ever-after. And now its Lomfon and Phat’s turns to do the same.

[fadelikeclouds]

I love the silences in this episode. No music, no conversation. It feels a bit awkward. But really, we are just waiting for Yutaka to build up enough courage to express himself. Because it takes courage to talk about a painful past.

He hasn’t talked about it to anyone else. He probably never planned on speaking about it to others, so of course doesn’t know how to start or what to say.

So we get this silence, filled with the heaviness of unexpressed pain, but more than that, it’s really an uncertainty. Yutaka is hesitating on the threshold of a different life: one in which he has warm people who care about him, want him in their lives, and love him. Minoru is someone who wants to know more about him, not just to share in his happiness but also understand his pain. Yutaka is no longer stuck in isolation, but that is such a huge shift in his experiences up until now. He wants to go forward, he just doesn’t know how to proceed with that first step: talking about his past.

Especially when he’s not sure why it’s left him with such a scar even though it could be considered something small, “それだけの事”, a comment from his older brother. In his mind, he thinks there’s something wrong with him because even though he was blessed with a “good” life with his adoptive parents he ended up feeling afraid of eating with others and feeling as if he was lacking something.

"For me, there are no memories of a happy dining table, and that really made me feel like I was deficient as a human."

But he works through his hesitant fear and begins his story, hiding behind the drawing of the happy, smiling self he wishes he could have been as a child.

I loved all the details in Inukai’s acting in this scene: how hard he was gripping the drawing while he talked, the pauses in his retelling, the way the words get caught in his throat. There is a lot of pain as he revisits his past, where he had no real home, no welcoming family, and nowhere he felt completely safe and comfortable.

But the reason he can even talk about his past is because his present is so different.

"But then, I met you two, and eating meals together became something I thought of as happy for the first time since I was born."

And that’s the really beautiful thing about this show. Nothing earth shattering happened. Yutaka met the Ueda family. That’s it. And yet, that’s everything. Sometimes all it takes is meeting the right people to melt a heart frozen by fear and anxiety. Even the most mundane life can be filled with life altering miracles when looked at through another perspective.

A simple encounter at the park with an outgoing, cheerful, and hungry child gives Yutaka a family and a home. And the “small” joys of life return to him: the happiness of eating with others, the anticipation for the weekends, the comfort of knowing there is a place where he is wholeheartedly welcomed.

To Yutaka and Minoru just having each other in their lives is healing and joyful.

[fadelikeclouds]

A small thought about episode 9

There’s something really comforting about the fact that being vulnerable and openly showing your pain is portrayed positively in this episode.

More often than not, it’s thought that we shouldn’t burden others with our troubles. We keep our masks on and when someone asks, “How are you doing?”, the default answer is usually “Fine” or “Good.” We keep our problems to ourselves and pretend we are thriving instead of drowning.

Here Yoon Won is feeling the pressure from several parts of her life, and her cheerful demeanor cracks. And it’s this vulnerability that draws Jae Won out of his shell, and he’s able to tell her words of comfort that he isn’t able to give himself.

Some people may say that he’s not able to prioritize his own needs, but I also think there’s something beautifully kind about a person who is able to respond so compassionately to someone else’s pain even when they themselves are hurting. Sometimes we can muster up the strength to do for others what we cannot do for ourselves.

Similarly, when Jae Won is kissing Eun Ji and sees Ji Hyun’s shock and pain, it contributes to him pulling himself out of his depression. Because he doesn’t want the people he cares about to be in pain.

To me, this story is saying that showing your pain to others doesn’t necessarily end up being a burden to that other person. Sometimes it can help that other person is some way that is totally unexpected.

I guess what I want to say is be kind to yourself. There’s no need for us to suffocate our feelings. Sometimes reaching out for help and support ends up helping others in some unexpected way as well.

[fadelikeclouds]

Episode 10 literally ends with Team thinking he’s gotten rejected by Win.

And yet in this episode he still decides to lay his heart bare, revealing all his fears and insecurities,

speaking into just how much Wins actions have meant to him, how much Win means to him,

and asking for Win to give their relationship a try even if he doesn’t want to right now.

And this is all coming from the poor boy who still guilts himself over causing Ton’s death, who usually suffers in silence, relying on no one, feeling like he doesn’t deserve anything good. He asks for Win to give them a chance because that’s how much he means to him.

I think Team is expecting Win to hesitate and then turn him down again. I think Team is terrified of that. But because he can’t imagine a life without Win, because of how much he loves Win, he pushes all his fears aside and still reveals everything that he feels: his fears and his hopes.

All the advice from his friends telling him to talk to Win, to try to keep him, and all of Win’s actions that showed Team how loved he is, I think it all encouraged Team helping him get to this point, where he can be brave and go first:

“If you don’t want to be the one who initiates things, then I’ll be the one who does. If you are afraid to love, then I’ll be the one who loves you first.” - Team

TLDR: I love the whole process of Team finding the courage to express his love. It’s beautiful how his own love, Win’s love, and the support of his friends coalesced into a catalyst that propelled Team out of his fears, allowing Win to follow his lead.

[fadelikeclouds]

Bad Buddy Thoughts

I finished this drama a few months ago, but I’m only now writing down my thoughts because life. All in all, I really really enjoyed it.

The way Pran and Pat have been raised to hate and compete with each other is depicted comically in the beginning with their parents acting petty over trash can placements and asking for better blessings for their sons. And even the scenes with the elementary schoolers Pran and Pat come off as funny (the amount of sass these kids exhibit with their facial expressions had me cackling). But then the narrative reveals that they don’t hate each other. Pran saved Pa from drowning, Pat and Pran were in a band together in high school, and now, in university, the two of them are working together to keep their two faculties from fighting. And from that point on, I was hooked. What was really going on between these two?

Then we find out that Pran has been in love with Pat since high school, and everything that was comical just starts to be heart-breaking. Because what is he supposed to do with his feelings when he's in love with someone who he isn't even supposed to be friends with?

There’s pining, secret friends to secret “I’m going to make you fall for me first”. They are flirtatiously antagonistic with each other in such a delicious way. Being in love doesn’t overwhelmingly change their dynamic, it just adds some sweetness to it. They still compete with each other. They still tease each other. They still throw their tin can phones across to each other to chat. It feels like they always loved each other, and the story is just about how they find their jumbled path towards the other.

[fadelikeclouds]

Holding onto comfort, letting go of love

When Tien is taking care of Lomfon, he showcases how caring and loving he can be. It’s part of why I love his character so much. Lomfon is the first one to hold onto Tien’s hand, asking for company and comfort, and Tien gladly gives him that. He listens to Lomfon’s questions and confusions about love and soulmates and again Tien holds Lomfon’s hand as he tells him not to overthink things and get some rest.

And then the conversation is over, and Tien slowly, reluctantly lets go of Lomfon’s hand. He knows how he feels about Lomfon. But he lets go of his hand because he’s completed his role, the role that he’s played all of his life with the people he’s cared about: to give comfort. Beyond that he has no reason to believe that Lomfon wants more from him, and so even if he wants more, he doesn’t ask for it. The one allowance he gives himself is to let his pinky finger rest gently against the wrist of the boy he likes.

And that just breaks me.