#preston lacy x reader

[princessthatcantfuckingsleep]

Shirts I imagine the jackass girl wears || <33

[berzahoes]

headcanons: female jackass member

an: just some headcanons that i’ve been thinking about lately lol

I love johnny’s shirts but you would have an even better wardrobe

basically this:

you’re not afraid to kick all of the guys’ dick when they’re being assholes or just annoying

you love hanging out with johnny’s daughter if she’s on set (she’s not on set often but when she is you’re literally best friends)

you’ve probably broken an arm and a leg at the same time

you know practically everyone had beef with each other in the early 2000s?? NOT YOU or if you do want to have the whole hollywood experience then you do you <3

you definitely made some appearances on viva la bam

chris + you = besties THAT IS ALL I WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH CHRIS

you cannot go a full five minutes without cursing (me, it’s literally my vocabulary)

you know how when dave england gets drunk he’s like the worst?? you’re not that bad but when drunk dave is doing stupid shit drunk you is hyping him up

you’re always gaslighting the guys

you would shoot someone with the paintball gun (probably johnny or bam) and they would be on the ground in pain and jeff would just ask “what happened?”

you, casually with a paintball gun in your hand, shrug

“SHE SHOT ME”

“that never happened”

ok but i also love that the only female jackass member would have an obsession with dyeing her hair idk why

nvm i do bc imagine being on edge at work all day bc you think the guys are going to prank you

stress = hair dye i don’t make the rules

SPLIT HAIR OR IDK THE PROPER TERM BUT YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN

omg narcissa malfoy hair yeah <3

ok that’s all i got nothing else 😭😭

[olivia091108]

how to be a jackass Introduction

Word count:1.k

Tonight I’m going out with my sister and her boyfriend because apparently ‘I need to get a a life’ which I think is kinda rude but the only reason she’s saying that is because her and her boyfriend are thinking of moving out together but I don’t know anyone around town and she doesn’t think I’m responsible. She’s right

“Are you kidding me we need to leave in a half hour and your still in your pyjama’s chop chop”she claps her hands in my face.

She can get quite stressed when it comes to me I wasn’t the easiest to grow up with I was a bit of a hothead we both have a few stories from tell of our fights which she still has a scar form that she never shuts up about

“Alright calm down I have loads of time” I push myself off the sofa and just as I walk past her I barge her against the wall and quickly scurry to the bathroom and lock the door before she gets crazy.

I walk into my room with a towel wrapped round my body and one in my hair and flick the tv on just to have some noise in the background it was an alright show jackass that I would watch when I get back late and nothing else is on except teleshoping. I don’t have anything against it but they need to step it up cos I know give me 10 or 20 bucks I’ll do anything they do.

I find an old shirt from when I was like 15 or something and picked up some jeans that were laying on the floor before slipping on some shoes.

“See I’m ready in what 5 minutes you need to take some Xanax I swear”

“Your hair is literally dripping” I flip my head back and forth no doubt getting it on her. And walk down to her boyfriend Oliver who was gonna drive us.

Once we get their it’s already kicking off and walk towards the bar but some grown men are standing there ignoring me while I ask them to move so I manage to budge my way through them and get a rum and coke.

I start to sweat being surrounded by 15 people who clearly know nothing about personal space. I see my sister and Oliver talking to some dude and my sister starts pointing me out and calling me over.

Y/n come here so you know that show you love jackas-

Love? No I don’t love it I don’t even like it that much but what does that have to do with anything?

“Y/n”she says my name like my mum used to when I would break something she jerked her head to the man just standing there and at first I’m confused but then I realise who he is Oh shit

you don’t like the show sweetheart?the leader of the show asks

“I mean It’s alright but you could do better.” He laughs a bit at my words “oh yeah what then?”

“Nah I didn’t mean to be rud- no I’m serious what do you think”

“Do more nasty shit or more extreme stuff and more painful stunts all in saying is anything you lot do I could do if I knew I was getting paid or just for a laugh”

Ill buy you a drunk if you make out with that man at the bar he points to a fat man who is drenached with sweat and is missing a tooth at the bottom

“Easy.”

I walk over to him and straight up grab his face and kiss him slipping my tongue and feel him grab a handful of my ass and a few seconds later pull away and walk back over to Johnny using the bottom of my shirt to try and wipe my tongue

“Ok your’e turn Pants that biker playing pool” Johnny looks at him and he looks like he will smash his face in. He walks over there and waits till he has his back to him and as hard as he can yanks his jeans down with his boxers coming as well exposing his bare crack Johnny turns round and ores tends to be in a conversation with some random lady.

The man pulls Johnny to face him and holds him by the colour getting redder and redder. His friends start crowding him and they look like they’re gonna jump him so I walk over and tell him.

“Sir they ran into the bathroom he didn’t do it.”

He lets go of Johnny and storms towards the bathroom with his friends following hot on his heals. I burst out laughing making my eyes water.

“I was about to get my ass kicked”Johnny said joining in on your’e laugh.

The night progressed like this having a couple drinks doing some dares. I didn’t even know that Olivier and my sister left. Some of his fiends joined in.

Running along the bar naked then getting pushed off -Chris

I poured salt in my eye

Ehren getting pool balls thrown at him.

And obviously Steve o lit himself on fire spreading it onto my hair

And so on by the end we were all drunk as fuck and had been kicked out.

I wake up with a throbbing head ache and open my eyes but getting blinded by the lights once they adjust I’m in the bath but I don’t recognise it. I get out and try and find out where I am I hear voices so I walk towards it and then it clicks.

We got kicked out and went back to Steve os apartment carrying on the night everything else’s is a bit hazy right now.

I see all of them in the living room chatting and I also see Steve o wearing my shirt that is 4 sizes too small and some boxers.

Hey Steve o can I have my shirt back I groggily ask making them look towards me probably forgetting I was here.

Yeah dude. He takes it off and throws it at me and I take off the one in wearing and give it to him.I turn around and change

“Dude that bruise is gnarly” I look down at my hip bone and see it decorated with a purple bruise from when I tried to break the door down.

“Y/n you weren’t bullshitting last night we’re you? Johnny asks

“What about?”

“Well we were thinking you were right we gotta be more exciting and you seemed pretty into it would you wanna join.”

“No offence babe but Johnny she was drunk as shit she won’t do any of it sobre”

“Try me.”

Time skip

“Im y/n y/l/n and this is electric mouse trap.”

I stick out my tongue and let Chris clip it on to my tongue and immediately feel the electricity. I Jump around in pain trying to keep it in as long as I can to prove to them I can do it. I Shake my head and rip It off my tongue and It feels numb. I try to speak but all that’s coming out is jibberish and everyone including myslef laugh.

“Welcome to jackass y/n”

Guys I’m baaaack

This will be a slower burn series of bam x reader and jackass girl don’t know how often I will post but I’ve planned at least 3 chapters and I’m so excited message me any headcannons you wnat in this

Ik bam wasn’t in this but just you wait

My requests are still open

-liv

[kunntzsstuff]

he is so me‼️‼️ (i'm a teenage girl)

[glitterinmyveinss]

// say yes to heaven //

johnny knoxville x reader

authors note: Johnny goes by PJ, some things might be innacurate apologies in advance, mentions of homophobic slurs (i can say it)

❥༄ It's a warm july evening, the sunset sky looks like cotton candy, the kids are still out playing, and me and pj are on the steps of his trailer drinking some cold beers. i've known pj ever since me n my mom first moved to Tennesse at age 5. i ponder back on that moment, the memory still fresh in my mind.

❥༄ "y/n! get your boxes from the back of the uhaul girl!" my mother shouted. i sighed and made my way from the empty field to the back of the van we came in while my mother put her belongings inside our new home. a boy around my age with dark chocolate hair, warm brown eyes, and a horrendous haircut came up to me. "are you my new neighbors?" he asked enthusiastically. i nodded shyly. "cool! i'm pj by the way. my trailers right there." i glanced over to where he was pointing. i noticed a brown trailer with white stripes, white steps, and various beer cans and cigarette butts littering the patch of grass in front. i turned back to him and introduced myself back. "my names y/n. my parents divorced so we moved here." "mine are divorced too! wanna be friends?" we've been inseparable ever since.

❥༄ i set down my can with a sigh and put my hands in my hair. i've lived in the same trailer ever since, things never really got better for me and my mom. i started working at the local jcpennys working the beauty department but that's it, and Pjs been working with his dad at his auto repair shop ever since we were 13. pj turned to look at me, his brows furrowed and his eyes fixated on me. "what's troublin' you doll?" i picked my head up with a sad smile. i loved when he called me that. "whens it gonna get better peej?" i let out a dry chuckle. "i mean are we just gonna stay in this town our whole lives? living pay check to pay check?" he huffed and turned away from me. "i don't know y/n...why are you bringing this up?" "because i don't want that to be my life pj. maybe it was good for our parents but...don't you want different?" he took another sip from his can and a long drag from his cigarette and was quiet for a while. "of course i want different but it's not that simple y/n...plus the world needs workers like us and our parents anyway." i couldnt belive what he was saying. it was so out of character for him. he was never one to conform to society despite us growing up in the south where you'd get called a fag for just about anything. but people didn't care when it came to pj. he could be wearing a tutu and still look cool. that's why i didn't understand why he was giving up his future to stay in a town like this when the world had so much more to offer him, to offer us. "you know, i don't get you sometimes pj." i threw my can on the porch and sat up. "when are you gonna wake up y/n?" he shouted at me. i looked at him wint utter confusion painted on my face. he stared back at me with those piercing dark eyes. anytime i looked into them, it was like i was stuck in place, and like the rest of the world was no more, just me and pj. "w-what do you mean?" i spoke. he scoffed at me and continued, still shouting. "do you think it's that easy? that we can just leave this all behind and start a new life like that?" i huffed in frustration and crossed my arms, "that's not what i meant and you know it. i just meant that we both have dreams pj. what about your writing?" he turned away from me and shook his head, his eyes were even darker now due to his mood. i noticed there were imprints on his can due to his grip on it. "what about my writing y/n? you heard my dad." a while ago, pj shared with his dad his dreams of being a writer, and how he wanted to write for this magazine in LA, just to get his foot out the door. his dad didn't take it well at all and said he better get the wrench he asked for because writing won't pay the bills. i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. pj got up to stomp his cigarette out. when he was done he locked eyes with me. he stared at me with such intensity, it made my knees buckle and my stomach flip. maybe it's a good thing he wore shades 99.9% of the time. i wanted nothing more than to reach out and hug him, let him know that anyone who doubted him didn't know what they were talking about. that me and him could make it on our own. but we were just friends. and he was even more stubborn drunk than he was sober. he turned to go inside then stopped. "you better get home y/n...it's getting dark." i felt the tears sting the corners of my eyes, like bees in the summer time. this wasn't the first time we fought like this, but it's the first time he didn't invite me in afterwards. usually he'd say something along the lines of sorry, or how he has some left over apple pie he needs help eating, really he would say any excuse. but this time, it was like he wanted nothing to do with me. "you're a coward philip and you know it." i shouted. "you have just as much potential as anyone else in this world to do something great, but you're scared!" he stayed with his back towards me, his fists clenched and his head low. "leave y/n."

❥༄ i stared at him until my vision became blurry with tears, which didn't take long. i've always been emotional. i ran away from him, in the direction of our old elementary. i always went there when things became too much to handle and i just needed somewhere to escape to. once i got there i sat on the old rusty swings that squeaked each time you swayed. i felt like shit. maybe i was too hard on pj. it's just that all i wanted was for me and him to have a good future. maybe the reason why i got so mad was because i imagined our futures would be us as lovers, not best friends. i wish i brought one of those beers before i left. i heard rustling coming from my left side and when i turned to look, i saw pj. i turned away and stared at the ground. it was quiet for a while while he sat on the swing beside me. "i'm sorry doll. i didn't mean to yell at you like that, you know how i get when i drink coors." i began to sob as i spoke, "no peej i'm sorry, i was too hard on you." i put my head in my hands and hid my face. pjs eyes scrunched up as he began laughing at me. "oh come on y/n, no need to bring out the water works. we're all good girl" he moved his hand and began rubbing my back. i sniffled and picked my head up, turning to him with a small smile that he returned.

❥༄ it was like that for a while. just me and pj swaying back and forth, till he spoke up. "you know i'm not a coward y/n..." i faced him and frantically began explaining myself. "i know pj i'm sorry it's j-" he cut me off. "the only reason why i'm not doing what i want is because... i wanna keep you close to me." i stayed staring at him. my eyes wider than usual, and my lips tucked between my teeth. "the magazine i wanna write for is based in LA. that means i would have to move there." i remained quiet. he turned to look at me. "come on y/n say some-" it was probably the alcohol more than me, but out of no where, i decided to kiss him. his lips were warm snd soft, i could still taste the cigarettes and coors on his breath. i felt euphoric and nauseous all at once. i pulled away awkwardly and faced him. "i'm sorry peej, i don't know-" he cupped the side of my face and pulled me in for a second kiss. after a minute we pulled away, but we were stuck staring at eachother, like one would disappear if the other dared to look away. "i'll go with you." i spoke, barely above a whisper. pj scrunched his face in confusion. "pardon?" i rolled my eyes at him. sometimes he was such an airhead. "i'll go with you to LA. just say the word and i'll go pj." he stared at me with a goofy crooked smile and picked me up from the swing. i squealed as he threw me over his shoulder. "let's start packing then. we'll get the first flight out as soon as we're done." even though i was upside down and felt dizzy, i couldn't be happier.

[stratossphere]

couple’s boxing | j.k

johnny wants to box for a stunt, and massively underestimates your strength in the process.

warnings: mentions of violence, injuries, a tiny bit of suggestive language, knoxville being a concussed dork

word count: 3.4k

tags: @asskickedbygirl @kristinee @lizey-thornberry @faceache111 (lmk if you want to be added!)

— —

"Oh, fuck! He's out cold!" Bam was inconsolable with laughter as both you and Jeff dropped down at the same time to assess a still and drooling Johnny. "Y/n, that was fucking amazing."

"I think you killed him." Ryan nudged Johnny's arm with his foot, around the same time you noticed blood wetting the side of his head. Fuck, you were good.

"No, don't stop! I still got a few more punches!" Suddenly Johnny was animated and talking, his head jolting up from the floor with one gloved hand coming with it as he looked around wildly. You quickly moved to cup the side of his head so that he wouldn't bash it right back down on the floor, using your other hand to bat Ryan's foot away.

"Knox, shut up. Someone call the doctor and get them to send the ambulance over." You were still filming, but because it was so late and Johnny could barely keep his eyes open, let alone focused, that quickly ceased in favor of efforts to get him off the floor.

"You fucking psycho. You killed your own boyfriend!" Steve-O teased as he stepped down with me to take Johnny's hand so that you could flip him off of his stomach. You rolled your eyes, still cupping said boyfriend's head as he latched a grip onto your shirt.

"It's gonna take a lot more to kill me. Come on. Punch me one more time and see." Johnny coerced, eyes rolling back dangerously along with the shit-eating grin on his face.

"PJ. No more." You got him sitting up as you pleaded with him to stop babbling and moving around so much, and as soon as Steve-O came back into his peripheral, he had a similar grip on his shirt.

"And that, ladies and gents, is how you get beat up by your girlfriend!"

"Knoxville, shut up before your ears start bleeding." Preston snickered, standing a couple feet away from you with his arms crossed. Yeah. Super helpful, everyone. It was in times like these where you wished that the room was cleared so that Johnny would stop being such an attention whore and just let you keep him from dying without fighting you on it.

It took what felt like forever, but eventually the ambulance showed up. It was such a common practice that the siren wasn't even on, which was probably a good thing considering April and Phil Margera were sleeping upstairs as you all roughhoused in their living room. Once Jeff had come back in with paramedics trailing close behind, you got Johnny loaded up, and all promised to meet at the hospital a little later once you and Johnny got through the waiting room. You had declined everyone's offer to wait with you because you knew exactly how well that was going to go, and you were hoping that Johnny would calm down a little bit if there was no one else there to give him attention besides your tough love.

To your dismay, the waiting room was chock-full when you finally arrived. For it being as late as it was, considering it was nearing two in the morning, there was no other explanation other than the waiting room was stuffed with a bunch of drunken mistakes. Awesome.

Johnny was in a wheelchair sitting next to your chair, his chin resting in his hand as he blinked slowly and toyed with the peeling leather of his armrest. You kept having to nudge him to keep him from passing out, and every time he sent an annoyed look in your direction.

"I'm fucking fine. I didn't even get hit that hard." He was preaching to the pews, because you already knew that what he was saying wasn't true considering you had been the one to knock him out. And you knew that you’d hit him hard. To be fair, he'd been shouting 'stop hitting like a girl!' in your face for five minutes beforehand, so it wasn't exactly a hit on innocence.

"Oh, yeah? What's today?" You asked skeptically. The easiest answer would’ve been the date, but you would’ve settled for at least the day of the week or even the month. He paused for a second, then did a half-hearted fist pump in the air.

"My birthday." He cheered weakly, chuckling to himself as he did so. You frowned, because he was off by about eight months. Yeah. Totally fine. "Goddamn, I am tired."

"Well, you would probably feel a little better if you stopped complaining so much." You muttered, shaking your head to yourself as he tapped his foot impatiently on the linoleum floor where his legs were too long for the wheelchair he was in. Sometimes you wished you weren't dating him so that you could just call him an idiot for hurting himself and move on with your day like everyone else.

"I wanna go home tonight." He complained right over your suggestion, running a hand over his face as he winced at the obvious pain in his head. He was just digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole with this dramatic display of whining.

"I have told you that if you ever boxed with me, I'd knock your ass down." You were half lecturing and half boasting, because despite the fact that you didn't like him getting hurt, you were pretty proud of what a good job you had done at causing exactly that. "Bear with me, okay? They'll call us soon."

Close to your predictions, they called you both in a few minutes later, calling out 'Philip Clapp' before you were wheeling a very disgruntled Mr. Clapp into the exam room. You had called Jeff a couple minutes before to give them the okay to haul ass over and shoot whatever the hell was going to happen with Johnny, and it felt like they were in the room before the doctor could even fully step in before them.

"There's our star!" Pontius teased, a wide grin on his face despite the fact that Johnny was glowering in his general direction. He generally got pretty quiet once the headaches set in, and it was always a challenge to keep him engaged when he suffered a knock to the head, but you always knew that his concussions were bad when he got annoyed. "Hey, boyfriend beater."

"Will you shut up? I only agreed to let you guys in here if you sat quietly and just let him generate his own material." You muttered out of Johnny's earshot, motioning to where he was slowly spinning his wheelchair around with his extended foot as the doctor set up on the counter.

"Preston, Dunn, and Bam refused to come along because you get all anal when Knoxville gets hurt." Steve-O said as he watched the doctor shine a light in Johnny's eyes from over your shoulder. You turned around, a look rivaling Johnny's own glare, before smacking Steve-O hard in the arm for use of the word ‘anal’ to describe you. He let out an offended cry. "That's what I mean!"

"Man beater of every kind." Wee-man snickered at you, almost nearing the fire zone when Steve-O stumbled back from your assault.

"Y/n!" Your boyfriend's voice interrupted your attempts to beat Steve-O up, and you quickly turned to see him with his arm outstretched towards you. "I'm gonna puke."

"Sir, if you're going to throw up—"

"No, just...Y/n, just come here." He cut off the doctor, waving him off while simultaneously waving you on. You turned back to Jeff momentarily, an unimpressed look plastered on your face.

"You better be filming this shit." If Johnny threw up on you at two in the morning while everyone was filming and while you were running on about two and a half hours of sleep, you were going to be pissed. He wasn't usually a puker, and it was actually rare that you ever even saw him gag, but concussions caused puking, and as much as he wanted to think so, he wasn't immune.

"Ughhh, it hurts so bad." He groaned, latching back onto your shirt as soon as you were within reach and pulling you closer towards him. He was lucky you felt bad for hurting him. "It feels like I'm spinning my head in circles."

"You're not." As you were speaking, he started to bobble his head around like he was trying to combat the imaginary spinning, essentially contradicting your point. "Well, now you are." You reached out and touched the side of his head, stilling his movements and guiding his ear to fall against your side.

"Ugh. No one wants to see this on film." Steve-O complained, clearly not a fan of watching his best friend get babied. Johnny cast a furtively morose look in his direction, eyes trying to focus on the group before he gave up and just shut them.

"Well keep filming anyway, jackass." He grumbled, stretching his arm back to flip everyone the finger. Classy, as always.

The doctor had been talking to Tremaine this entire time, clearly trying to get a feel for what had happened, and as soon as you heard the words 'girlfriend' and 'punch' in the same sentence, you watched the doctor's eyes shoot in your direction with a hint of suspicion. Great. They were probably gonna think you really were a boyfriend beater.

"Okay. It's a Grade 3 concussion, and he's going to need to be drugged up, so you're going to be here for a while." The doctor looked between you all, skepticism clear as day on his face. "Johnny, can you tell me what got you in here?"

"I was beat mercilessly by my girlfriend." Johnny said immediately. You sighed, because that was probably not going to help your case, regardless of the fact that he was clutching onto your side like his last breath depended on it. The doctor looked at you questioningly, and you ran a hand over your face.

"We do stunts for Jackass on MTV. We did a boxing match and he...lost." You explained, hoping that the camera Lance was sporting in the corner of the room would be enough to back your story.

"Mr. Clapp? Is that true?" Was he fucking kidding? Sure, ask Scrambled Brains and see if he gives a straight answer. It took a second before Johnny even noticed that he was the one being questioned, and his eyes opened back up.

"Huh?" Once the question was repeated to him, his eyes closed again. "I don't fucking know, man."

That was clearly not the right answer, because suddenly everyone but Jeff and Lance (after a bit of arguing from Jeff to let him stay so that they could keep filming) was forced out of the room so that you could be questioned. So nurses hooked Johnny up to an IV and got him situated in the bed as you tried to convince this stupid ass doctor that you hadn't gone full 1980's on him.

"We can literally bring in the footage to show you that he completely consented to the fight and was throwing punches back." You argued, leaving out the fact that all of his punches were body shots. You didn't need a full body search on top of everything else.

"I don't want to see any footage. We are just going through all of the precautions to make sure that Mr. Clapp is safe." The doctor explained it like he was talking to a small child. Johnny's safety wasn't the one he was going to be worried about in a second if he kept patronizing you.

"Then fucking assess him instead of assessing me!" You immediately regretted raising your voice, because now it was on footage that you yelled at a doctor, but whatever. It got him to walk away from you and instead go towards Johnny, so you could call it a success.

Eventually, after Johnny was assessed, medicated, and situated, along with the promise that you really hadn't beat him up without probable cause, everyone was allowed to filter back in, and suddenly Johnny was fully animated again.

"Tenth concussion! We should be throwing a party!" He had let go of your shirt by this point, and clapped his hands together as he spoke. "Y/n, honey, you get honorary mentions for helping us reach our goal."

"Not a competition, but thank you." You said dryly from where you were sitting in one of the chairs right next to his bed. You were tired, and were hoping that everyone would get tired and leave, but of course they had to have a whole debacle first. "Hey, don't forget Bam. He got you pretty good a couple times, too."

"Bam's not here. And no one cares about him." Wee-man scoffed, handing over the bag of tiny little confetti poppers that Johnny insisted on keeping on hand for his tenth concussion. "Celebration time!"

"Hell yeah! Congratulations, man. We all knew you could do it." Steve-O said as he took a handful of the poppers and passed them around the room. "One extra popper for Y/n/n because we all knew she was going to get anal."

"And not in the way she likes." Johnny said it just as he popped the tiny popper right into your ear, giggling like an idiot the entire time. So you took the pile of confetti that had landed in your hair and lap and shoved it right into his open mouth.

"More in the way that you like, and it's never happening again." You scoffed, snickering as he coughed and Steve-O let out a grossed-out groan. Two for one. "It is so late, guys. Why are you all still here?"

"Because this shit is hilarious." Pontius motioned in Johnny's general direction where the man was spitting out confetti onto his blanket. "And, of course, I wanted to make sure that my love survived."

"I'm shedding tears!" Johnny said dramatically, hand over his heart as he peeled the last strip of confetti away from his mouth. "At least someone loves me."

"At least." You rolled your eyes at him, pushing his arm away when he made a grab for you because you knew that the camera was trained directly at you. You didn't want the camera to catch him yanking your hair or pulling you in for what was undoubtedly going to be a sloppy kiss, whichever he decided on. "Hands to yourself, moron."

Soon the doctor came back in to check on Johnny, and when he saw that everyone was still piled inside of the room, he sighed.

"I know it's probably nice to have all of this support, but if you overexert yourself too much, you're not going to feel great, Mr. Clapp." It was the doctor's way of subtly excusing everyone. Except for lucky old you, who was going to have to sit with his highness for the rest of the night.

"Alright, alright. Get out, you fuckin' voyeurs." Johnny waved everyone off, his grin unwavering in light of the situation. "Mrs. Knoxville will be taking great care of me while you're gone."

"Ms. Y/l/n. And no I won't." You muttered, shaking your head mostly to yourself and sinking even further down in your chair. Johnny pouted.

“You could be Mrs. Knoxville—“

"Alright. Have fun with...that." Jeff motioned to Johnny with a hint of sympathy on his face before everyone was calling their goodbyes and filtering out after the doctor. Which left you alone with the man himself.

"How you feelin', baby?" You asked as soon as the room was empty and silent, finally reaching out and letting him take your hand. You knew that once his concussion had cleared and he was back in the right mindset he would be pissed if he found out he'd been wallowing all over you on camera, so you had staved it off until there was no one left with the two of you.

"Like I got punched in the head by an MMA fighter." He muttered, playing with one of the rings on your hand as he rested his on top of yours. Point to your ego taken.

"Poor thing." You cooed, scooting your chair a little closer so that it was pressed right up against the bed and he was in your direct reach. "You think you're going to make it through the night?"

"No." He said immediately after you had finished asking the question, his hand gripping yours tightly. "I think I'm gonna need some of that tender lovin' care, sweetheart."

"Next time, I'm gonna hit hard enough to make it permanent." You muttered, mostly to yourself as he yanked gently on your arm in an attempt to coerce you into the cramped hospital bed beside him. He winced, still pulling you regardless of your threat.

"I think I have the meanest girlfriend in the history of the planet. I'm deathly injured, which is her fault, by the way, and she's been yelling at me all night." He feigned offense, like he couldn't handle your attitude, even as you crawled into his bed next to him and his head fell to your shoulder once you had settled in.

"I've seen you hurt more times than I can remember. The shock value has worn off." You brushed him off, but what you didn't tell him was that there was a pit of anxiety burning its way through your stomach as you spoke because you were totally lying. You were just as concerned for his well-being as you had been every single other time, and you wanted to cradle him and keep him close to you just as bad as you had every other time you’d been smushed up in a hospital bed together.

"Jesus, Y/n. You're fucking strong." Johnny muttered as he rubbed his head, clearly still feeling the after effects of your KO-inducing blow to the corner of his jaw. The problem was that yes, he had been knocked out, but the real kicker was that he'd gone down onto the wood floor directly on the back of his head, which was where most of the trouble had come from.

"Thank you, honey." You teased, replacing his hand with yours and gingerly running your fingers through his hair. His sunglasses had been abandoned at some point, so you could clearly see the disgruntled look in his eyes. "You know, you're my first ever knock-out."

"Thanks. I'm well aware." He said absentmindedly, and if his lips hadn't curled into that signature grin, you would've missed the fact that he'd just insinuated that you were calling him hot. "April’s gonna be pissed I got blood on her floor.”

“She won’t care, baby. She said as long as we were having fun we could do whatever we wanted.” You reassured him. You’d apologized profusely for your friends when Chris had put his head through the guest room wall, but April had just smiled and laughed it off. You guessed that having Bam as a son could really lower someone’s standards.

“I'm sure you're having fun now." Johnny hummed in amusement, one hand holding yours from where his arm was wrapped around your waist and the other on your leg. You chuckled.

"Well, think of this as quality time on vacation. No friends, no work, no noise. Just a tiny concussion." You said optimistically, reasoning that you would be awake right now anyway if you had still been at Bam’s house. "All the sleep you could ask for with no one blaring music into your room at 5 am."

"Ooh, you're gonna make me get all hot and bothered." Johnny sighed contently, shifting a little so he was as close to you as he could possibly manage. You decided to just accept your position and the lack of air you were receiving in the process in favor of holding his head gingerly against you and playing with soft strands of his hair that weren’t held by gel.

Even though Johnny was out within five minutes of your last spoken words, you stayed up, making sure to check on him periodically and adjusting every time he adjusted so that his head was comfortably supported the entire night.

He may have been a jackass, but he was your jackass, and you would never give up the opportunity to have a sleeping Knoxville half-on-top of you, injured or not.

Although the ridiculously loud snoring certainly didn’t help his case.

[knoxvillesjackass]

hello! I had an idea of No Nut November with Johnny x female reader. The jackass guys all dare each other to do it and the winner couple is who lasts the longest. When his girlfriend finds out, she keeps teasing him and it all ends in smut!! Love your stories!! ❤️

𝐧𝐨 𝐧𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 - 𝐣.𝐤

im so happy to finally see a smut request!! pls, send some more, because i want to get better at writing it! also, do you guys enjoy reading it or do you like fluff and/or angst better?

warnings! edging, oral sex dom!johnny x sub!reader? ( reader receiving and giving), dirty talk, very dirty hihi

words; 3.375

It was bizarre. Annoying, really. You’d given him every opportunity in the world to rail you, blow your back out and make you incapable of walking for the day…All of your attempts were shut down, which was new for you.

Usually, all you had to do was send the smallest signal to Johnny, and he would be ready at any time, but the past two weeks had been different.

He’d been avoiding you, it seemed. He only kissed you when he left for work, and he’d even slept on the couch for some nights.

You’d been left confused and a little hurt by it all. Had you done something wrong, or was he perhaps just not attracted to you anymore?

The thoughts killed you, but it killed him even more. If it hadn’t been for that stupid bet….

“A month without sex? You’ve gotta be shitting me,” Johnny shook his head as the room erupted in laughter, but he was totally serious.

He couldn’t believe that he was the only one objecting to this nonsense. The concept was idiotic and frankly childish.

Steve-O had been the one to bring it up during lunch break. Everyone had shrugged it off, but as the tension grew thicker throughout the day, everyone suddenly began to take it very seriously, Johnny included.

So, as stupid as he thought it was, Johnny was knee-deep in the ‘No Nut November’ phenomenon, even though he hated the idea.

You and Johnny had sex a lot. No shame in that. Just two adults, who loved each other very much. What Johnny did feel off about, was that all of his friends knew just how much sex you had. How? Well, at every given chance to escape the craziness of the crew, the two of you did. And you didn’t do it to have conversations and drink tea. No, you did it to fuck.

Johnny had been labelled as the guy to fail the quickest, and it didn’t sit right with him one bit.

Luckily for him, his self-control was a different ball game. He had more control than all of the jackass guys combined. If there was a will, there was a way, and Johnny never let himself down once he had a goal.

“Oh, y-you’re participating?” Steve-O asked Johnny, who shrugged and nodded. “Yeah,” he huffed, and the room once again erupted in laughter, this time, it sounded more ridiculing than anything.

“What?” He asked confused and scoffed as he stared back at his wide-eyed friends. “Dude, you’re not going to last for two days,” Pontius grinned, Johnny returning a simple growl. “Let’s just fucking see, shall we?”

-

“Hi, baby!”

You grinned excitedly as Johnny entered your shared apartment. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, furrowing your eyebrows at once when you didn’t feel him embracing you.

“Are you okay?” You asked and unwrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him innocently. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine, Y/N, I’m just tired. Think I’m gonna go take a shower,” he commented, his eyes focused straight ahead and not down at you.

“Oh, okay. Well, I could join,” you smirked and winked at him, but he merely shook his head and smiled politely before disappearing to the bathroom.

Well, that sucked, you thought.

He was probably just tired. He’d been working long hours, and maybe all the man needed was some space.

You’d attempted to be the understanding girlfriend, even when you felt ignored by Johnny.

The first few days went by okay, although the hours seemed to get longer as the days went by. The week overall was manageable but when the second week struck, Johnny was beginning to struggle.

The day of your anniversary, you'd made everything really special for Johnny. Dressed up nice, cooked some good food, and made the bathtub the perfect place to end the night, together.

When he'd come home, he'd acted just as you'd feared.

Distant and seemingly blind to the effort you'd put into making your fourth anniversary a special one.

The dinner was awkward and you hated the tension. You broke the silence every minute, asking him questions to which he answered with simple and short sentences.

"I have a surprise for you," you smirked. Maybe what he needed was some extra spice, and that was what you were going to give him.

"A surprise?" He asked as he was washing the dishes. He jumped when he felt your arms snake around his waist. Johnny moved away and coughed. His boxers were starting to feel tight, uncomfortably tight.

You grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bathroom. You'd scattered rose petals on the floor and lit some candles. It was the most romantic bathroom you'd ever seen, but Johnny didn't seem to agree.

"O-Oh, Y/N," Johnny coughed nervously and slowly backed out of the bathroom.

"Did I do something wrong? Are you trying to punish me or something? Please, tell me what's going on!"

"No, Y/N-"

"Then why won't you FUCK ME?" You shouted and sniffled. Johnny's heart tore a bit. He wanted to tell you, he really did, but with the mood and how you were feeling, it didn't seem as if it would've been a massive help in his eyes.

The next days were rough. You were upset, understandably. Johnny continued his odd behaviour and you were just about done with it all.

“Just tell me now; when did you give in and how was it?”

Bam stood like a little child next to Johnny and giggled, but Johnny rolled his eyes underneath his sunglasses and sighed.

“I haven’t given in yet, and I’m not going to, so you might as well quit bothering me.”

Bam scoffed at the answer he got from Johnny, but he hadn’t expected much else, considering Johnny’s recent behaviour.

He was in a pissy mood. He was at conflict with himself at all times. The whole dare had transformed into something beyond his control. He was so competitive, sometimes it scared people.

Johnny sat down in the conference room, where the crew held their weekly meetings. He cursed to himself and looked around. Pontius, Steve-O and Jeff sat and looked at him with smug grins.

“How’re you holding up over there, Knoxville?” Jeff asked, to which he received a middle finger from Knoxville.

“It’s been a long time since I've seen Y/N around? When is she coming by again?" Pontius pouted. Just the thought of your name at this point, could get Johnny hot and bothered.

"I-She's not," Johnny mumbled and rubbed his sweaty forehead. Was it just him, or was it starting to get super hot?

"That's weird. I talked to her this morning. She said, she's dropping by to say hello," Jeff said and immediately, Johnny tensed up.

"What?" He asked. He hated to even think it, but you were the last person he needed to see now.

"Y/N!" Wee-man yelled as soon as he saw your figure in the doorway.

Johnny hid his face in his hands as soon as he heard your voice. He imagined you saying his name, moaning it, screaming it.

"Hi, guys," you smiled and entered the conference room, greeting all of the guys with a hug, moving your way around the table until you reached Johnny. "Hi, babe," you smiled and leaned down to plant a kiss on his lips, although he moved away almost immediately.

You scoffed and stood up. What had you expected? He'd only been treating you like that for the last two weeks.

"Well, I can see that I'm not wanted here," you mumbled but were quickly met with reassurance from everyone but Johnny.

"Why would you think that?" Jeff asked, "we love having you here, Y/N."

"You might, but I think Johnny feels a bit different," you hissed and glared at Johnny, who slapped his forehead.

Suddenly, Ehren began laughing hysterically, to everyone's surprise. "Wait, you haven't told her yet?" He grinned and the boys slowly caught on and joined Ehren's laughing fit.

Johnny was so not having it. His fists were curled and his jaw was clenched. And you, you were utterly confused as to what was going on.

"Told me what?"

You raised your eyebrow and looked down at Johnny, who refused eye contact at all costs, the guilt weighing him down like uranium.

"We dared each other do the no nut Novem-"

"Don't even finish that sentence," you said and cut Ehren off. You were quiet for a few moments, trying to assemble yourself before speaking up.

"You wanna explain yourself, asshole?" You spat and looked down at Johnny, who sighed and looked up at you.

"Y/N, I'm so so-"

"Do you guys know how long it's been since I've had sex with my boyfriend?" I asked into the room and the guys all chuckled.

Of course, they knew. They were a part of it too, after all.

"Two weeks!"

It didn't sound like a lot, but anyone who knew you and Johnny understood that this was totally out of the ordinary.

"You're telling me I have to wait two weeks before he can bang me? How many of you guys are still in this bullshit?" You asked loudly to which Pontius, Jeff, Ehren and Wee-Man's hands went up.

"Fuck this," you sighed. You knew just how competitive Johnny was. Nothing could get in his way. Literally nothing, but then again, if anyone had the slightest chance, it was most definitely you.

-

"Y/N?"

You sighed at the sound of Johnny's voice.

Your fingers were curled inside of yourself as you lay spread across the bed.

You continued, although the sound of Johnny's footsteps came closer and closer.

You closed your eyes and began rubbing your clit, letting out a quiet moan.

"Y/N-fuck," Johnny breathed out when he walked in on you pleasuring yourself. His cock was throbbing at the sight of your naked body, but he denied all of those feelings and shuffled out of the room. The sight had made him hard as a rock.

"Johnny!" You called out. An idea had popped into your head.

He opened the door and peeked in. Your legs were spread open and they were trembling with anticipation.

"Huh?" He asked you. His eyes were almost closed. He couldn't bare to see more.

"Look, I know you're not allowed to cum or whatever, but I'm horny and I need your help," you stated and Johnny's eyes opened wide. You might be on to something, he thought.

Pleasuring you always brought Johnny pleasure, he didn't even have to pull his dick out for this one.

He smiled and rushed over to you.

He wasted no time digging his two fingers into your cunt, plunging them in and out of your wet entrance. His head rested between your legs as his tongue made contact with your clit. You reached down and grabbed a handful of his hair. God, he loved it when you did that.

What he loved, even more, was the way his name sounded when you screamed it out of pure pleasure. "Fuck, Johnny!" You cried and grabbed his one hand that wasn't fucking your cunt and pulling it up to your breast, signalling for him to massage it, which he did, gladly.

Johnny smiled against your folds and licked them up and down, ever so often pinching your sensitive clit between his lips, which drove you crazy.

"I-I think I'm g-"

"Look at me, babydoll," he ordered and you followed, looking directly into his dark brown eyes. You couldn't contain the eye contact for long though, because your eyes rolled into the back of your head and you let out a loud cry as you reached your awaited orgasm.

You tugged at Johnny's hair and breathed in loudly, trying to gather yourself.

"J-Johnny, just fuck me already, please," you sobbed and looked at Johnny.

The offer was so tempting, but he just couldn't. He snapped out of his thoughts when he felt his jeans tightening to the point of it being uncomfortable.

"O-Oh, shi-" he hissed and suddenly flew away from his position. You looked him up and down, eyes landing on the massive boner, he had packed. You held back an evil laugh as Johnny stormed out of the room. "Where are you going?" You yelled as you stood up from the bed.

"I-I'm just gonna go for a drive!" he yelled back and slammed the door. He wasn't angry with you, and you knew that. He was angry with himself. This bet was starting to get really fucking old.

The next days were seriously awful for Johnny. After helping you out, he realised that it might've been a bad idea.

The only thing on his mind was the feeling of your pretty cunt against his fingers and the sound of your screams still rang in his ears every now and then.

And you'd, of course, been making his life a living hell. Walking around naked in the apartment or dressing up in your sexiest lingerie.

Johnny kept himself together, though, and you had to give him credit. He'd handled it all very well, better than you ever could.

(random a/n; this same-ish story, but where the reader is dared?)

The end of November was just around the corner, thankfully. Sure, Johnny's hands were equivalent to magic, but nothing beat the feeling of his cock ramming into you.

You couldn't wait, quite literally. Johnny was so much better at staying committed to a dare than you. You needed him. Like, really needed him.

"Johnnyyyy," you whined and threw yourself at him like a little toddler,

He wasn't as sensitive as before. It seemed that the roles had taken a 180 because you were hornier than ever.

Johnny was sitting with his computer when you suddenly planted yourself in his lap and hugged him tightly.

"What's going on?" He asked and rubbed your back.

"I want it so badly," you whispered and bit your lip. Johnny stiffened up and shifted uncomfortably around on the couch. "Three days to go, Y/N," he comforted you, but that wasn't good enough. "No, but like, now," you said and reached down to straddle his cock. He let out a yelp and lifted you from his lap to the seat beside him as he stood up and paced around.

He was frustrated. It was really not fun anymore. Actually, it never was.

Johnny hurried to his phone and put the phone to his ear.

"Chris, you tell me now and be honest; who's still a part of this November bullshit?" Johnny asked. You smiled to yourself and crossed your fingers.

No one, please say no one.

You couldn't quite hear the rest of the conversation. You didn't really care either, because when Johnny came out, he had darker eyes and a wicked smirk on his lips.

"Go to the bedroom and take your clothes off. I'll be up in two minutes."

You squealed with excitement and ran up the stairs faster than ever.

You stripped out of your clothes and threw them to the side, feeling a knot in your stomach, waiting to be untied.

Johnny entered the room. He'd taken his shirt off on the way up the stairs.

"Get on your knees," Johnny ordered and you did so immediately and without protest of any sort.

The room was pretty dark, but you could still see Johnny's crooked smirk.

He approached you, stopping when he stood right in front of your kneeled figure.

He brushed some hair out of your face and cupped your cheeks as you stared up at him, batting your eyelashes.

He gathered your hair into a ponytail at the back of your head and tied it with the hair tie he had around his wrist.

"Fuck, I've missed your mouth," he moaned and unbuttoned his pants, not even bothering to pull them all the way down. And you were just as desperate to please him again, so without waiting any longer, you took a hold of his rock-hard length and gave it a few pumps. Johnny threw his head back when you put just the tip into your mouth. Impatient and understandably needy, Johnny skipped your slow tempo and grabbed the back of your head, pushing his cock into your mouth fully.

After four years of dating Johnny, your gag reflex was pretty much non-existent.

He began gently thrusting himself into your mouth and then sped up until you eventually could feel his tip at the end of your throat.

You watched with tears in your ears as your boyfriend had lost himself in you, thrusting himself into your mouth again and again until he was a mumbling, moaning mess, cumming down your throat.

You swallowed and Johnny watched you in admiration as he offered you his hand to help you stand up.

Your lips crashed together for the first time in weeks, and you moaned into the kiss when you reached the bed. Johnny put a hand behind your head and the other one on your back, slowly lowering you on the bed as he hovered over you with a hungry, lust-filled gaze.

You were merely wearing his t-shirt and a pair of old shorts, which Johnny quickly tore away, your underwear following. He pulled the shirt from over your head and admired your naked body for a while, before snapping out of his trance to return to his duty.

He began placing kisses down your chest but you pulled him up when you saw where he was going. You grabbed his hand and forced it down to your dripping cunt. "I don't need anything, I just want you to fuck me," you nodded and Johnny smiled. Foreplay was always a big thing in your relationship. It was a way to ensure that both parts were 100% ready, but there was no doubt in your mind; you were ready.

"You're still on the pill despite this stupid bet, right?" He asked and you nodded. He knew how bad you were at forgetting it, and he often scolded you for it.

"Good girl," he whispered raspily. That made your heart melt.

His tip was at your entrance, and you wondered if the three weeks had changed something within you. Was it going to hurt after that long with no sex?

You shook every thought off when Johnny placed a kiss on your forehead and slowly pushed into you.

"Ah-!"

Johnny looked at you with wide eyes. You apologised quietly.

"It must be because it's been a while," you said and Johnny nodded, understanding what you were feeling.

He continued pushing his member into you and watched you closely as you clenched your eyes shut and dug your nails into his wide shoulders.

He rested for a while, waiting for your sign to move, and when that sign came, he began pumping in and out of you slowly but deeply.

You grasped onto him and pulled him as close as possible while also wrapping your legs around his waist. "F-Faster," you moaned with closed eyes and Johnny grunted as he sped up, fucking you at an impossibly fast pace.

Everything seemed to go dull for a short moment. Your pussy clenched and your belly contracted tightly when a wave of pleasure hit you like a thousand bricks.

"I-Oh, my God!"

Your nails dug deeply into Johnny's back and you scratched them up towards his neck, where they rested, fiddling with the ends of his brown hair.

"Look at me, baby," Johnny ordered and continued his thrusts. You had to collect yourself before even listening to his orders, but Johnny was impatient and close to an orgasm, so he didn't have much time.

"Y/N, I said look at me," he repeated. The tone made you look at him immediately and you bit your lip and moaned loudly as you watched him orgasm for the second time that night.

"Fuuuck-urgh, baby!"

He trembled and with one last thrust, he pulled out of you and fell down beside you with a heavy but satisfied sigh.

"This November has been the best and worst of my life," you sighed and Johnny laughed in agreement as he kissed your forehead and snuggled you closer.

-

probably my favourite smut i've ever written, but what do you think?

[downtownbunnybaby]

Johnny Knoxville x SNL Cast Member Headcanons

A/N: Ignore the fact the SNL cast and Jackass timeline is inaccurate. This is my fantasy, and if I want Bill Hader and Johnny Knoxville to interact...THEY WILL. This is the most self-indulgent thing I have ever written.

[Johnny Knoxville x G!N Reader]

Warnings: None. SFW.

Words: 601

The two of you hit it off instantly when he hosted Saturday Night Live. It was evident to everyone that he preferred your sketches, even pitching for you to be the second lead. Not caring that it was painfully obvious he was flirting with you. 

“So, I was thinking you and Bill can—” 

“Actually, can you be in it, doll?” 

After the week concludes, the two of you promise to stay in contact. You’re constantly talking over the phone and flying out to each other's cities. So it’s no surprise to your SNL friends and the Jackass guys when you announce you’re dating. 

During breaks, you fly down to LA, making several appearances in episodes of Jackass as a background character. Despite your longing to join in your boyfriend’s antics, Knoxville never allows you in the stunts. In fear of you getting injured. 

“Can’t have that pretty face of yours telling jokes with a bruised eye,” 

However, in the first Jackass, you finally appear in a stunt pranking your SNL family. 

“HI! I’m Y/N, and welcome to Studio 8H,” 

You and the Jackass group are running around, using shopping carts to crash into cast members’ offices. 

“Dave, why don't you leave a gift for Fred on his couch,” 

We all know Lorne Michaels wanted Knoxville to join the cast, so he doesn’t mind when Knox is around during the week or rehearsals. Or when you “accidentally” write sketches that are made for Johnny to be featured. 

“...So you don’t want Seth to play the character or Andy. So, who do you want to play them?”

“Well…there’s one person I have in mind,”

“It’s Johnny, isn’t it,”

“No—yes, it’s Johnny,” 

Both groups love your relationship. 

Your SNL family adores Johnny and has also hopped on the trend of writing sketches for him when he’s around or pritching stunts for him to feature in Jackass. 

“Y/N! Show Johnny this stunt I wrote for him,” 

“Will, this isn’t a stunt,” Scanning the script, you laugh at the proposal. “This is five pages of you and Knoxville going on a romantic date. I’m not going to let you steal my boyfriend." Snatching the script, Will mutters about knowing him first before storming into his office. Queue Jason Sudekis and Andy Samberg tossing their text seeing you reject Will Forte. 

The Jackass guys think you are the funniest person and constantly ask you to join their group. 

“Come on, Y/N, leave SNL and join us,” 

“No, Steveo, I would like to stay alive for my third season,” 

“Your loss,” He said, swallowing a goldfish. “You can replace Knoxville.” 

You convince Lorne to let Knoxville host again, and it’s the most-viewed episode of the season. The cast and writers write sketches that showcase not only you and Knox’s comedic chemistry but also romantic chemistry. 

Somehow the romantic date sketch Will wrote made it into the show. Of course, Will takes the opportunity to make you a waiter that gets obliterated by food and has to fall onto tables and chairs. Knox has one hell of a time pretending to be on a date with Will—occasionally breaking character from the insanity. 

In the green room, Johnny lets you know he only has eyes for you. The appreciation makes you late for your appearance on Weekend Update. 

Seth makes sure to comment on your shortness of breath and disheveled appearance. 

“You alright, Y/N? You seem to be out of breath,” 

“Long walk.”

“It’s five feet…and you rolled over.” 

Naturally, you and Johnny are infatuated with one another, despite being on opposite ends of the comedic spectrum. 

—

TAGLIST:

@asskickedbygirl @captainboomaray @morbidxmagic @spoookyberry

TAGLIST FORM

A/N: this is such a niche, and I'm probably the only person benefiting from these headcanons.

[dangerehrenn]

hello hello! can i please request a fic where the reader meets knoxville at one of steve-o’s apartment parties??? i’m ready for early 2000s jackass shenanigans

anddddd i’m back!! missed u guys

this is just headcanons bc i’m sooo bad at writing fics BUT if you’d like me to make it into a fic i can definitely try :)

meeting johnny at steve-o’s house party

so you’re definitely already friends with steveo

you met him when you watched him almost break his legs jumping off something

you both hit it off instantly and he regularly invites you to the parties he throws at his place

but you’ve always been busy so you couldn’t go

until tonight

you get a taxi to steveos place and you can hear the music before you even go into the building

as you walk in, you’re almost wiped out by someone on a skateboard, but you laugh it off and try to find steve

after a few minutes of looking around and not finding your friend, you give up and make your way to the kitchen for a drink

buuuut you’re not looking where you’re going

and walk straight into someone

“you alright there sweetheart?”

you look at the man you bumped into and your jaw practically drops, causing him to laugh

“i’m johnny, you are?” he prompts

“y/n”

he’ll probably say your name a few times, testing it out

then he’ll grab a beer for you from the fridge

johnny, being the cocky bastard we all love, puts his arm around your shoulder and guides you to the sofa

you both spend the night talking, and giggling at the shit jokes he’s making

after a while, you’re both sufficiently drunk

and johnny starts to push his luck a bit

but not with you

with not injuring himself showing off for you

he’ll have a go on the skate ramp that’s fixed into steve’s apartment

and he’ll fall straight on his ass

(this was his plan all along though, he wanted more attention from you)

tell him he’s cool and he’ll give you that dorky smirk he does

maybe give him a kiss on the cheek for how stupid he was being and he’d be blushing

and it’s hard to make knoxville blush

but he’ll blame it on the drinks

eventually steve turns up

and knows immediately johnny likes you

so he’ll start teasing him, causing johnny to practically jump on steveo to shut him up

after they both calm down, and the night is slowing a bit

johnny will ask you to go on a walk with him

and how could you say no

he’ll probably walk with his arm around you (could you imagine i think i’d melt if he did this)

or he’ll grab your hand

and he’s definitely the type do the thumb thing

“i’m happy i met you tonight, y/n. the party was shit before you walked into me”

[lilithknoxville]

Only Girl In Jackass Moodboard

she’s definitely the most rough and tumble of the group. she’ll eat shit falling off her skateboard, and she’ll stand right back up with a big smile on her face (blood streaking down her chin from her busted lip)

takes no shit, but will dish pranks and bullying right back out to the boys

is childhood friends with bam and ryan, and moved to california with them for jackass

a hell of a skater. isn’t as good as bam, but she’s just right underneath him in talent

LIVES in vans. has about forty pairs of vans in her closet, all different varieties of wear and tear (her oldest pair is from back when she lived in pennsylvania. she refuses to get rid of them - says they’re her good luck charms)

constantly has a cigarette in her mouth, and a spare pack in her flannel pocket. she’s forever smoking. follow the cigarette butts, they’ll lead you to her.

she wouldn’t date any of the jackass boys, but if she were to, it would more than likely be bam or ryan. they’re the only two who know her fully, and the only ones she’d give the time of day to in that way.

april LOVES her!!! calls her the daughter she’s never had. she’s constantly sitting with april in the kitchen, giggling over bam and jess’ baby pictures.

april will KILL the jackass boys if she gets hurt. “bam! what did i tell you about throwing pebbles on the ground!” “ape, chill, she’s fine!”

the entire crew loves her like she’s their little sister. they’re sort of protective over her? creep in a bar? dave’s on it. creep at a premier? ryan’s threatening them.

she can hold her own though. if shit pops off, she has no hesitation to get her knuckles bloody and beat the fuck out of someone.

this is literally the most self indulgent thing ever. i’m making fuckin’ jackass ocs now LOL

[princessthatcantfuckingsleep]

The Jackass™ girl Growing up with bam & Ryan♡♡

[astrolatrism]

romanticizing being a jackass member.

[olivia091108]

How to be a jackass:part 1

Summary:meeting bam and Ryan in westchester

Word count:3306

So far filming for season two of jackass has probably been the best time I’ve ever had even though I’m getting injured or pranked every day.

All the guys are great and at first I thought it’s gonna be awkward not only being the new person but being the only girl.Thank god I was wrong for once I don’t think any of them actually cared as long as I actually did gnarly stunts.

The only people I haven’t met are the boys from westchester but Jeff says that we’re gonna film a group stunt with all of us soon.

I’ve done some mediocre stunts like pouting glitter in my eye which didn’t come out for a week and licking a mouse trap Owch. I also did one with wee man where he dressed as a baby and put in a pram and when people would ask to see ‘my baby’ they would be kinda disturbed.

Today I walk on to set and check the stunt list. Today I’m gonna get a pregnant belly strapped to me and walk around town drinking some beer.

——————————————————

Time skip

After getting a mean old lady shouting at me for ‘destroying my baby’ Jeff called all of us over and told us that at 5:30am to meet here because we’re driving to westchester tomorrow.Jeff actually banned us from going out after like we usually would do we finished for the day and I got the bus back to mine and my sisters apartment

Don’t get me wrong I’m excited but really 5:30 I’m sure there’s no harm in waking up later. I walk into the apartment and go to my room to pack since we will be staying there for 5 days.

I walk into my room and start packing stuff but I can’t find one of my favourite tops so I walk into Ella’s room to see if she’s taken it and I barge in without knocking to see her and Oliver mud sex scrambling to cover themselves with the sheet.

“Get out!”

“In a sec do you have my blue top the one with the buttons”

“Are you serio-“ I sigh and lean against the wall and she knows I won’t leave until she gives it to me. “It’s in my closet” I walk over and grab it off the hanger and scrunch it up in my hands

“Oh yeah by the way I’m gonna be gone for a few day”

“Leave!” She throws a pillow at me but I dick out the room before it can hit me

An hour later ella and Oliver knock on my door and wait for me to reply before walking in with very serious looks on both their faces.

Y/n we need to talk to you about something. You can’t just walk in without knocking we don’t have any privacy with you.

Alright I’ll knock next time

“It’s not just the knocking you always come home late and wreck the houses remember you broke olis computer at like 5:30 you never clean up after yourself and we just think that you should move back with mum and dad because we can’t keep living with you.”

“What your kicking me out I pay rent here”

“You don’t even pay a quarter y/n your’e basically living here for free.I rang dad he said it was fine you moving back soon”

“You know I can’t do that el”

“You could always get your’e own place I could help you have the money know”

“Fuck you. you know what I’ll leave right now.” I grab all my clothes in my wardrobe and try to shove it into my small suitcase and mange to mostly zip it and I grab a few personal thing and hold my piggy bank under my arm before leaving

It might’ve been a irrational idea because now I have nowhere to stay for the night and I can’t go to my parents not how I left there

It’s 1am I might as well go to set and wait till morning but with busses not running I have to walk 5 miles uptown.

Once I get there I only have to wait 2 and a half hours so I set my suitcase down and use it as a seat I dig around in my pocket for the taser I took from Johnny just in case.

I feel a hand grab me and by instinct Tase whoever it was. By the time my eyes have adjusted I realise I must’ve fallen asleep and everyone’s here to go to westchester.

While Jeff is complaining the taser Dave asks if I’ve been here all night. Nah I just thought I should get here early yknow only been here half hour.

We separate into 3 cars to get there and I’m in with Johnny Dave and wee man. I’m in the back with Dave and decide to use the 6 hour car drive as an opportunity for some sleep since I got 2 hours max last night.

—————————————————-

I wake up not being able to breathe and feeling plastic on my face I try and pry one of my friends hands off of me but it’s no use and I have to rip the plastic bag now being able to breathe properly

I hear Knoxville’s laugh and a Camrea is pointed in my face all that adrenaline woke me up quick but I’m still not wide awake and I just flip him off while sitting up and stretching being confined in a car really isn’t the most comfortable thing in the world.

“Cmon y/n we’re here grab your bags.” I take my almost bursting suitcase and walk it into the large house we will be staying at. I hear taking and follow it to the living room seeing Johnny talking to the two boys I recognise from episodes but still haven’t met.

Jeff introduces them the one with the dark hair and blue eyes is bam and the blonde one with a beard is called Ryan. We all introduce ourselves and start chatting and getting to know eatch other. Another girl is here called Jenn she’s bams girlfriend she seems nice but I haven’t spoken to her much

I excuse myself to the bathroom and i see a blonde lady in the kitchen and ask her if she needs a hand. If you don’t mind that would be great

“I’m April bams mum it’s so nice to have you all hear but I am a bit worried honestly”

“Im y/n thanks for letting us stay and I promise I will try to protect you and your house.”

Me and April talk about all kinds of things and I soon meet her husband Phil who is such a sweetheart and it makes me feel even worse for him seeing how bam treats him.

I’m sorry your supposed to be getting to know eatchother and I’ve stolen you away thanks for your help with the dinner.

“Oh it’s no worries you seem wayy more interesting than them boys.”

Speaking of Chris has snuck up behind me and lifted me up and body slammed me onto one of the sofas it wouldn’t of hurt that bad if people weren’t sitting on it.

I sit up and move off of whoever I fell on and jsut laugh it off and I start talking to Ryan about some of his stunts and his life and what not. While telling me about cky videos and high school with his friends bam started to join in adding to the story.

After an hour of talking to the two of them we got along really well and had quite a few things in common with them. We got called for dinner and while I was eating I could feel myself drifting off even though I slept in the car for 6 hours.

I ended up face planting into the food which made everyone laugh and while I used the bottom of my shirt to wipe it off the topic of rooms came up.

Some people were gonna have to share because there’s not enough rooms Steve o and pontius are sharing as well as Dave and ehren. Johnny is with me and wee man and Preston are together.

We all go to our rooms and get unpacked and settled. “Yknow we’re only here for 5 days don’t you”.

“Can’t a girl have options” i didn’t want to tell Johnny about getting kicked out I just wanted to have fun here. While I get changed into my pjamas I get into bed and shut my eyes trying to fall asleep but either from the excitement of tomorrow or because I napped today I couldn’t.

I looked at the clock and it was 12:34 Knoxville was asleep by now I could tell by his heavy breathing. I decided to go downstairs and have some water so I snuck out of my room and when I got downstairs I see Jenn down their about to leave

“How come you aren’t staying?”

“Bams just being a bit of a dick right now but I’ll see you in a couple days bye”

I sit in the kitchen having some water and once I’ve finished I still don’t feel like sleeping so I decide to look around. As best as you can in the dark. I quietly open the front door and step into the garden it had a skate ramp and a swimming pool in it. I went to go back inside but the door is locked I’m not gonna ring the doorbell or id wake everyone up.

I walk round the back and I see a window open so I jump from the ramp to the roof and pull myself up I walk along to reach the window but I see something move next to me. It’s a squirrel. Shit I’m fucking terrified of them they’re Satan reincarnated.

“Oh my god oh my god stop”I try to move as quick as I can to the window and quickly climb in to the room and close the window quietly while repeating those words.

“Jenn I told you to go away”bam room shit. I don’t answer and attempt to just get out of the room but I step on something and it slips out from under me and I fall onto the bed.

“Shit sorry.” Bam leans over and turns his bedside lamp on and rub his eyes. “What are you doing”

“I got locked out of the house then I had to climb threw your’e window to get away from the squirrel like I said sorry and night.”

“Are you on something” bam asks not believing me. I pull a confused face not knowing why he would be confused. “ why were you running from a squirrel?”

“Cos they’re fucking scary haven’t you seen Charlie and the chocolate factory?” At my distress yknow way he does. Laugh.I soon join in and we’re just sat they’re laughing together in His room.

Once the laughing stops he breaks the silence. “How did you even get up here?”bam asks thinking back on my story “I jumped off your ramp.you any good at skating”

“Yeah pretty good you?”

“Stepped foot on one once and fell onto someone’s bed. It seems pretty cool other than that though”

“I could teach you sometime.”

“I’ll hold you to that bam” me and bam speak about anything and everything with me now sitting above his covers on his bed and we switched the lamp off.

He tells me all about his family and when he asks about mine something in the room shifts it’s awkward.

Well I actually left home when I was 16 because me and my mum never got along she always preferred my sister i always hung out with my dad but I didn’t have many friends but these girls invited me to hangout with them and I snuck out an we went to some abandoned school and we would go there smoke some weed and whatever and once we were spray painting and the police turned up my friends ran and a policeman got me and I kicked him in the balls and they took me to jail and when my mum got that call she went crazy she said she was so disappointed in what I’ve become and that she won’t bail me out because she didn’t actually want me to come home. My dad eventually came in and took me home but I got there and my room was all boxed up and she kicked me out and said she didn’t want to see me again so I moved in with my sister.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t know”

“Yeah well how could you I don’t tell anybody so I’m could u try not to mention that”

“Pinky promise”we interlock pinkies and I kiss my hand and he copies.the conversation moves on and soon enough we’re shushing the other to stop Laughing until I notice the clock and see that it’s 2:12 and I can tell bams tired and I am as well.

“Wait y/n it was cool talking to you and if you need to talk I’m always here.” I grab a pillow an throw it at hand face. Don’t get all sappy now bam I thought you were supposed to be a cool skater boy.

I leave and head back to my room and wriggle into bed having to shove Johnny over a bit and for a second I lay there thinking about bam and how much I trusted him I wonder what tomorrow will be like before I know it I’m out like a light.

This one was acc really long

Omg guys I’m so pissed I wrote this like a week ago but I didn’t press save and I LOST RVEYTHUNG the first one was way better

Requests always open

-liv

[kunntzsstuff]

🚙 road trip with the cky guys 🚙

[glitterinmyveinss]

// Back to the Basics //

steve- o x fem!reader

summary: you and steveo used to be best friends, knowing eachother since highschool and all. but growing up sucks. Especially when your best friend who you had/have a massive crush on now does coke off of models backs.

❥ ༄ you were so happy for steve-o when his career as a stunt man finally took off. you've know him since highschool and knew that it was definitely the right career for him. You remembered how you two would always go to the park after school and you would just sit and watch him skate, occasionally you would ask him to teach you.

❥༄ "well first you have to put your foot on the board dude" steveo said with a sarcastic tone. you looked at him and pouted "obviously i know that but which one?" for once, he was looking at 𝘆𝗼𝘂 like you were the dumb one. of course you kinda knew which foot you were supposed to put on the board, but steveo just intimated you so much you lost all knowledge around him and it was like your brain was constantly short circuiting. it was that or all the pot you guys smoked last period. he shook his head and laughed. "put down your most dominant foot babe." your heart did a little skip at that. it wasn't unusual for steveo to use pet names with you, but still, everytime he did it made you flustered...and confused. hesitantly, you put your foot on the board. steveo nodded then spoke up "ok now your other foot, then stand sideways, and push with the first foot you put down." you did as told and started moving. you guys were both laughing as you started to get the hang of it "awesome y/n you're better than when i started!" you blushed and smiled at him "thanks stevie" he gave you a soft smile, then ushered for you to follow him. "come on man let's get some tacos from this truck i'm starved." you got off the board and handed it to him and began following him. you loved this side of steve. everyone else thought he was jsut some rich obnoxious asshole who loved attention. and while that wasn't too far from the truth, he still had a loveable side like everyone else. he was extremely funny and could make you smile no matter what mood you were in, he was actually pretty smart at times, and was whole heartedly kind. to you at least. not so much everyone else. you wish everyone could see his soft side so they would understand why you hung out with him, but you also liked how it was reserved just for you.

❥༄ now it's 2002 and "Jackass: The Movie" was doing rounds in the ticket office. Your and Steveos relationship became basically non existent ever since he joined jackass. he started blowing you off to go hang out with other people you didn't even know, started partying a lot more, (if that was even possible) and he was always busy filming stunts, or being in the er. you tried not to bug him about it, afraid of seeming clingy and like you wanted to drag him down, which of course you didn't. you just wanted your friend back. It was a thursday evening and you had just gotten back from your big girl office job. ever since you were little you knew you wanted to leave your home town. It just always felt so small and closed off from the rest of the world to you. you wanted to live somewhere more progressive. so you got serious about school and were able to get a stable, good paying job in san diego. you went to your room, changed, then plotted down on your couch with some greasy fast food. hey you were single and lived alone, so you sometimes forgot to get groceries. you turned on the tv and began flipping through channels. the station it landed on was MTV, you were skeptical about leaving it on, knowing that everytime you saw steveo now, it tugged at your heart. You watched him change, for better and for worse. of course he's always been completely insane, but he had a soft side to him. now all you ever see is him intoxicated. you decided to leave it on. "maybe they won't even play jackass" you thought to yourself. the commercials ended and the intro for "MTV cribs" began to play and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. but once the episode started, you were stunned. it was apparently a "jackass exclusive" episode where steveo and all his other cast members were showing their "cribs." you knew you should turn it off, or find something else to watch, but you didn't want too. the tv began to show steveo, wasted as ever. you watched in disappointment as he began showing his disgusting apartment, putting hot sauce in his eye, and breaking stuff. Of course this was normal for him, but seeing him on tv do it, knowing millions of others were watching, made your heart hurt for him. "i guess his dream came true..." you thought to yourself. you've been knowing for a while yours and steveos relationship was basically over, but this was the breaking point for you. you put your food away, shut the tv off, and curled up into bed. just staring at your ceiling remembering all the good times and how they were over.

❥༄ It was a cold autumn day when your boss called you into her office. the leaves were changing, the air became crisp, and your outfits became a lotttt cuter. it was your favorite season so you were in a good mood when you walked into her office. "hey you needed to see me?" you asked while giving her a hug and handing her a coffee. "thanks! and yeah i have great news for you!" you gasped and put your hands over your mouth. "tell me!" she had a huge smile on her face while she spoke " the board is sending you to LA to get more info for our project! they think you're the perfect candidate for the job." of course you were happy hearing this, it meant you got to travel, even if it was for work, and you've never been to LA before. but you were a little shaken at the thought of being in the same city as steve o after all this time. your boss gave you all the information you needed for you trip and sent you back to your cubicle.

❥༄ a week later, and you were on your way to LA. You were driving there alone, insisiting your boss that you were fine. you tuned on the radio and cool by gwen stefani began playing. as you listened to the lyrics, you began wondering if you and steveo would ever have a relationship like that, where you could be happy and proud for eachother for finding another love, but then again, did you even want a relationship with him at all if it wasn't him as 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 partner? you couldn't see your self being in love with anyone else, you've never been in love with anyone else. 2 hours and 30 minutes later, you made it to your hotel. you grabbed your bags from the car, checked in, and settled in your room. once you were done, you noticed the time, 5:00. "most bars have happy hour right now.." you thought to yourself." you've always wanted to be in LA, so you decided to let loose and find a bar.

❥༄ you changed form your juicy tracksuit, put on a cuter outfit, and added some makeup. you began walking around looking for a bar. once you found one, you walked in and sat at the bar "a sex on the beach please" you told the bartender with a smile. he gave you your drink and you sipped it in silence, already regretting coming here. you weren't that social to begin with, and it's not like you knew anyone. you regretted not having your boss come along. all of a sudden, you heard some loud voices walk in. it sounded like a bunch of guys so you just stayed staring ahead. you would drink your cocktail, go home, change, and watch 10 things i hate about you for the millionth time. then, you heard a voice you knew all too well speak up. "2 budweisers bud" just your luck. steveo was 3 feet away from you. you noticed him look at you then look away, then snap his neck and look back. "holy shit y/n" you turned to look at him, and you wish you didn't. this was your first time seeing and hearing him in person and not through a tv and he still looked beautiful as ever "o-oh! hey stevie" you always called him that. everyone else called him steveo and steve but you just started calling him stevie one day and it stuck. he gave you a hug while smiling you returned it, hoping he wouldn't notice how your shoulders tensed or how your heart was daring to jump out your chest. even with some alcohol in your system he still made you incredibly nervous. damn it. he pulled away from the hug but stayed close. "what are you doing here. you're still in san diego right?" you fidgeted with your hands and had a nervous smile on your face as you spoke. "i'm here for work" he nodded "oh right on!" he seemed really happy to see you actually, but a part of you was telling you that it was just an act and he couldn't give 2 shits about what you were up too. i mean how happy could he be if he never bothered to call anymore? you noticed he was kind of staring at you, then he spoke up "you look r-really good" he said shyly with a soft smile, which was rare from him, and it felt so nostalgic to see him like that again. "thanks so do you" you said while playing with your hair. it was a nervous fidget you had. then all of a sudden, a tall man with dark hair and dark sunglasses came up to you both. it none other than the johnny knoxville. "where's my beer o?" he spoke. steveo jumped a little and looked away from you "here man" johnny took the can then turned to face you. "oh sorry am i interrupting something?" before steveo could even say anything though, you spoke up "oh no i was...just about to leave." you got down from the chair and slinged your purse on your shoulder. "bye boys" you said as you walked out. as much as you wanted to stay and talk to steveo while staring into his eyes, you knew he was officially done with you. he was hanging out with the big shots now. including bam margera and tony hawk. he was banging models and getting wasted daily. he was living life like a rockstar, like he always wanted, and you didn't wanna ruin that for him. it always seemed that you and steveo were from completely different worlds, but now it was painfully obvious. and you didn't belong in his, or so you thought.

❥༄ you were a few blocks from the bar when you began to hear someone behind you running and yelling "y/n wait!" you turned around and saw steveo coming towards you, with your phone in his hand. once he caught up to you he handed it to you "you left this back there" you grabbed the phone while shaking your head "gosh not again!" you put the phone in your purse then turned to him "thanks you're a life saver." he laughed at your comment "still a klutz huh?" he said with a playful smirk. you gave him one back. "old habits die hard" he let out a little chuckle, then his expression slightly changed from playful to serious. "speaking of that.. i meant what i said back there. you look good." you stared at him, not really knowing what to say. it seemed like he was holding back. he noticed that you knew this and continued " i mean seeing you was like a breath of fresh air" he said with a slight chuckle. you could tell he was tipsy. he was always sweet when he was tipsy. "your face reminds me of when everything was more...simple." you started to get angry. not necessarily at him but at the whole situation. and him saying that angered you even more. simple? did he think you were just some plain jane who had nothing better to do but hang out with him? "what is that supposed to mean?" you said while crossing your arms. he held his hands up in defense. " i didn't mean anything bad by it! it's just...you remind me of...before you know?" he said nervously. you'll admit, he was being ridiculously cute right now, but your anger was getting the better of you. "oh before you became an overnight celebrity and ditched me for brad pitt and lindsey lohan?" "y/n no please jsut list-" you cut him off. "no steve just stop....just stop." tears began to sting the corners of your eyes. you cursed yourself for always being so emotional. you spoke up, your voice shaky. "i was fine with leaving us and all the good times in the past and letting go, but now here you are pouring salt on all my wounds" steveo was staring at you, his face deathly serious and his eyes wide. "why do you think you have to leave us in the past?" you laughed at this. was he serious? "seriously? i mean come on steve we haven't talked in forever and...you're just...different now" he stared at you, looking genuinely hurt, and you knew he hated it when people called him steve, he told you so back in sophmore year when you guys were on the swings at some random park,

"𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸?"

you snapped out of your memory when steveo began shouting back at you "you think i haven't noticed y/n? i mean fuck, i just got off a bender, and i'm probably gonna go on another one." you stared at him dumbfounded. "that's not my fault steve i-" "yeah it is!" he yelled at you. you blinked and stepped back. "w-what?" he looked away from you and ran a hand through his short hair while looking down at his shoes. "ever since you left to san diego i've been lost man. you stared at him as he continued. " i've always been crazy but when i was with you... i was able to stop and be me. you didn't expect me to do any stunts, you didn't expect money or drugs from me, you just accepted me for me. the first time we hung out was the first time i felt normal, like i didn't have to put up an act so you would stay interested." it's true that you left him first. once you turned 18 you moved to san diego and started looking for jobs within your field. you didn't know how much this affected steveo thought, you didn't know he needed you as much as you needed him. while you were standing there, staring at him, in shock, he got tired of your silence. "man forget it." he waved his hand and began walking away. you snapped out of your trance and began yelling for him "no stevie! come back." he turned around, with cold eyes. you walked up to him and began to speak "i didn't know you felt that way. i didn't know you needed me as much as i needed you..." you let out a sad laugh "as much as i still need you. im sorry" you looked up at him to catch his reaction, but he was already staring at you, and as soon as your eyes locked, it was like something inside of him snapped. he grabbed your face and kissed you, hard. you were frozen for a second, you always wanted this and it was hard to believe that it was happening. but you pushed all those feelings back and melted into the kiss, putting your hands around his neck while his snaked down to your waist. you pulled away first, and smiled at him. he stepped back then spoke "you don't know how long i've wanted to do that" you laughed at his cheesey comment, then slapped his forehead. he grabbed his forehead and groaned "what the hell was that for?" you laughed at him and rubbed the area you slapped, as a sorry. "for not telling me you liked me back all those years ago!" he looked at you with a soft smile. "well let me make it up to you... how about we get lunch tomorrow? or breakfast or dinner whatever's best for you." he said while scratching his neck. you laughed at how nervous he was "how about dinner and a movie...the new star wars is out we can watch that!" he laughed at your excitement "ok geek sounds good" you just laughed it off and smiled at him. you guys were stuck staring at eachother for a minute before you spoke up "walk me to my room?" he grabbed your hand "lead the way babe" you missed that nickname. you giggled as you two began walking away, forever thankful for this evening. it felt you two were back to the basics.

authors note: hope you guys liked this! i know a lot of stuff in here is inaccurate but for the sake of the fic let's pretend everything's ok! also this was inspired by lana del reys unreleased song "back to the basics"

[stratossphere]

If you were interested in making a cheater part two I’d be all over that omg

cheater cheater pt. 2 | j.k

johnny’s got a fucking attitude again, and you’re getting really sick of it (pt. 1 here!)

warnings: smut, reader smokes, knoxville is an asshole in this one, mentions of drugs, a lot of arguing, protected sex, rough sex, hair pulling, light spanking, no happy ending

word count: 5.9k

a/n: this one has been sitting unfinished in my drafts for a long time, and i found a new love for it again and finished it :) once again, i in no way see johnny as a cheater at all, and this is just a fictional scenario!

tags: @asskickedbygirl @kristinee @lizey-thornberry @faceache111 (lmk if you want to be added!)

— —

You and Johnny were at it again. You’d been starting to slowly ease up on each other the month before, and things had even started to look up for you a little bit, but that was until he decided to stay with his stupid girlfriend while continuing to try getting in your pants at every available opportunity.

So, you were right back to fighting during almost every single interaction you had, and it wasn't like you were letting up now. You were all staying in a hotel in Rockford, Maine after getting pinched and fucked with by giant lobsters all day, and everyone had slowly made their way down to start their night of mind-numbing intoxication at the hotel bar.

"This is dumb. Why are we doing this." Ryan grumbled as you and him drank on the steps that led down to the bar despite the fact that everyone else was in an actual group playing pool just on the other side of the wall. Bam wasn't there yet, and had left to go make a drug deal after losing at rock, paper, scissors, so it was just the two of you for now.

"I told you already. PJ is really mad at me because I shouted at him on set, and he told me we'd 'talk about it later', so I'm hiding from him." You re-explained, sighing woefully as you glanced up at the NO SMOKING sign for the millionth time. You really needed a cigarette, but not bad enough to get lectured by hotel staff. You were already pushing it by technically drinking outside of the bar.

"Why the fuck do you care? All you two do is scream at each other. You love arguing." Ryan shot you a look, because he clearly wasn't having fun being away from the group, which made you thankful that he was sacrificing his night to stay with you. You shrugged.

"Because he keeps screaming in my face about everything that I do and it's annoying me." You took a long drink of your rum and coke at that thought, because one could only take so much first-come-to-mind insults about their romantic habits before they started to get a little sick of it. Ryan sighed.

"I told you I'd talk to that fucker about that. If anyone deserves to get their shit rocked right now, it's him." Ryan gave you a serious look, because you knew he definitely meant it, while you just waved him off.

"Hey. If he wants to bury his face in some blonde's fake tits and cry about how much he misses me, I'm not gonna stop him." You sighed, referencing his girlfriend, who you'd discovered was named Mandy. "I mean, she knows that we hook up sometimes. It's not like they're on the heavenly path to marriage."

"I don't know, man. Do the goods even outweigh the bads with him anymore?" And here Ryan went with his 'let's ponder your shitty situation and bad decisions' talk again like you wanted to think about any of that shit. Thankfully, at that exact moment, someone interrupted you from behind.

"What up, you fuckin' losers?" Bam was, for once, your savior in that moment as he trampled down the stairs, a lit cigarette between his lips as he almost stepped right on you getting down to the step in front of you. "Why the hell are you sitting out here?"

"Y/n’s afraid of Knoxville." Ryan said immediately, handing Bam the beer that he’d saved from the bar for him as he plopped down on the step below you. Bam groaned.

"Dude. I don't want to listen to this anymore. You two need to like, officially separate." He said impatiently, passing his lit cigarette over to you once he glanced up at the NO SMOKING sign right in front of your faces.

"That's what I s—"

"Guys! Shut up! I'm not scared of Johnny, and we are separated." You snapped, shooting both of them a look that dared them to speak another word. "I'm a fucking adult. I can make adult decisions and deal with the adult consequences without your opinions."

"You can't be completely separated if his dick's still in you." Bam tried to mutter that little tidbit quiet enough to where only Ryan heard it, but he'd always been bad at whispering. And, unfortunately for you, that was kind of funny, so you found yourself laughing at his insult.

"Alright. I'll give you that one." You caved, making both of them laugh in turn as you took a drag off of Bam's cigarette. If it was already lit, you weren’t going to waste it. "Okay. We can head down. But no instigating, and I want my weed first."

—

Yeah. That lasted about as long as you could've expected.

"Can you get the fuck out of my face? Jesus. What the fuck are you on?" Johnny started it, alright? Those words were the ones that set you off. Not you, like he always tried to tell everyone. You slowly turned in his direction, pool stick held tightly in your hand.

"It was my turn to shoot, dipshit. Get the fuck out of my face." You said through your teeth, harshly shouldering past him to get to your beer on the table behind you. Bam watched this entire encounter, snickering the whole time.

"You two are such shitheads, man. Stop ruining the fucking game." He groaned, starting to laugh again when you shoved him. He had, once again, lit a cigarette, and after about ten minutes of no one saying anything to him, you’d all followed suit, resulting in a bar filled with a stale mix of different cig brands.

"I'm gonna kick his fucking ass in a second. I'm not joking." You weren't together, so it wasn’t like you’d get a domestic violence charge. You weren’t sure if that would’ve stopped you, anyway.

"I'll put money on you if you do." Pontius interjected where he was taking his beer off of your table, chuckling as he looked between you and Johnny. You high-fived him, thankful that someone was consciously aware of the fact that you would no doubt ream Johnny's ass would things ever get as far as physical between the two of you.

"Yo! You're up, fuckface." Steve-O called from the other side of the pool table. He'd missed his shot once again, and with Johnny also missing most of his, you knew you were going to win against them. Their suckage was probably only feeding into Johnny's little temper tantrum, if you knew him at all.

"Yeah. Give me a fucking second." You set down your beer before stepping back up to the table, giving Johnny a dirty look where he was standing close to your left. And apparently he was feeling frisky tonight, because instead of just shooting a look back like you had expected, he opened his mouth.

"The hell are you lookin’ at?" He snarled loudly. You would've been fine if he would've muttered it to you in passing, because you’d said a lot worse when it was just the two of you pissed off at each other, but he was blaring your joint animosity towards each other out to the entire group, and you could tell that it was starting to piss everyone off, which in turn pissed you off.

But you ignored him, taking your shot and sinking in your ball. And then another. And then another. If you couldn't argue, you could certainly embarrass him, which was actually about ten times more effective. Steve-O groaned with every ball that went in the pocket, and then looked close to throwing his stick when you called your pocket and sunk the 8-ball in with six of their balls still left.

"You're such a dick. Stop smiling like that." He complained as you basically showboated in his face, dancing around with your pool stick held in both hands while you hummed in triumph. Whilst doing this, you accidentally brushed against Johnny, and then were promptly shouldered harshly away from him. You spun around on your heel at the fact that he had basically just fucking shoved you.

"Hey. What the fuck is up your ass?" Okay. So it might've not been very helpful to smack his shoulder close to as hard as you could, but he was really getting on your nerves. You immediately felt a hand on your arm, and you glanced back momentarily to see Bam giving you a warning look that essentially said don't start a fistfight with your ex boyfriend. You ignored him.

"Nothing." That was Johnny's response. After almost knocking you into the pool table with how hard he'd slammed his shoulder into you when you’d barely even brushed by him, apparently nothing was wrong with him. Everyone else started to rally over who was next up for the pool competition to escape the awkwardness that was standing in between you and Johnny’s fight, and you took that opportunity to scoff loudly.

"You expect me to believe that bullshit? You're acting like you're not the one that's been a fucking dick to me for the past...you known how long." There was no way in hell you were going to let him pin this whole recent situation on you and say he was acting completely normal and you were the bitchy one. Especially not when he was acting like he was. "If me being here pisses you off that much, then go fuck off somewhere else."

"You've got a real attitude for how you've been acting lately." This man was fucking insane. Sure, you’d been a little snippier with him than usual, but to give yourself some credit, it wasn't exactly fun for you to watch him shove his face in his fake-ass girlfriend's tits every time she came around your sets (which was becoming more and more often) and then come looking after you the second she had to go back home. Especially not when it was common knowledge between basically all of you that his girlfriend knew about you and him but was staying with him because she was in basically every TMZ article of the week when she was with him.

"I could say the same to you. You just fucking shoved me." You threw a hand in the air at his inability to blame himself for anything, feeling yourself reaching the level of seething as he stared back at you with mockingly carefree eyes.

"God, you never shut the fuck up when you're not having the bitch fucked out of you." It's like he had no shame. You just stared at him for a second, unable to process that he'd actually just said that about three feet away from your friends, who thankfully were no longer paying attention to you, before setting your jaw.

"Fine. You want to play that game? Go upstairs." That was a very bad idea, and the challenge you were presenting him with was definitely only going to make things worse, but you had never been one for smart decision making. And he was pissing you off way too much for you to consider just letting this slide.

"I'm not just gonna leave—"

"I'll be right behind you. Go. Upstairs." You repeated, staring him down and motioning towards the stairs with a tilt of your head. His eyes suddenly clicked with understanding of what you were insinuating, and he glanced back at the group momentarily before back at you.

You could not have described the satisfaction that filled you when he marched his happy ass right to the stairs and then up and out of view. Without a single word to you or anyone else in the group. However, they definitely noticed him leaving, and immediately turned to you for an answer.

"I figured you wouldn't want a screaming match here, so..." You explained, praying to heaven above that they didn't immediately see through your bluff. Although you weren't technically lying, because there could've very well been a screaming match waiting for you when you made it up to Johnny, Pontius, and Steve-O's hotel room. However, Preston, who was closest to you, quickly gave you a look that told you he was calling bullshit.

"You're not just going up there so no one will see you beating the shit out of each other, are you?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth, you internally sighed in relief. You were honestly much more comfortable with everyone assuming you were getting into a fistfight over having sex. Unfortunately for you, that didn't last long though, because then Ehren opened his mouth.

"No, dipshit. She's going up there to fuck him." He said it like it was obvious (which, let's be honest, it kind of was), wrinkling his nose as he spoke. You groaned.

"I'm not! Do you think I want to be anywhere near his disgusting dick after Mandy's been on it?" You made sure to sing her name sourly, because you’d made it very clear how much you didn't like her, before immediately realizing how suspicious that made you sound. You sighed. "If you're all so worried, I can bring his stupid ass back down here."

"No." Dave and Wee-man spoke at the same time, both making an identical, 'I don't want to listen to your shitty-relationship bullshit' face at your proposal. You snorted.

"Yeah. That's what I thought. So, I'll see you in about ten minutes when he starts pouting and kicks me out so he can rage in his room alone." You were definitely going to take more time than that, but they didn't need to know that. It wasn't like you and Johnny had a habit of short and sweet arguments, anyway.

With that, you turned back towards the stairs, ignoring Ryan and Bam's looks because you knew they knew better than everyone else in the group, before making your way up the stairs after Johnny.

—

Johnny had the hotel door open before you even got the chance to knock. It made you feel a little pleased with yourself knowing he had been waiting for you, but you masked that with a flaming glower as you pushed past him into the room while he closed and locked the door behind you.

You knew he didn't want to do any talking, and expected you to just lay down and open your legs, but he'd been on a different fucking level all night, and you weren’t quite done with citing your grievances.

"What is up your fucking ass today?" You snapped as soon as the door was shut, turning around and crossing your arms. He didn't look surprised that you’d brought it up, just extremely annoyed.

"I'm just not in the mood for your bullshit. You always have something to say about everything." He didn't even raise his voice which, in a way, made you even more annoyed. You raised your eyebrows, because he was one to talk, before throwing a hand in the air.

"You're the one that's got something to say every time I even breathe in a man's direction despite the fact that you have a girlfriend." You shot back, glad that he was standing so far away from you for fear of what you would do if he came any closer. "And you know what? Despite the fact that you're cheating on a girl that couldn't give less of a shit about anything but your fame with a girl that did give a shit about you, I've kept my mouth shut about all that garbage. If you want to keep fucking it up for yourself even more, go right ahead."

"You don't know anything about us. Stop sticking your nose in everyone's business." At your words about Mandy, Johnny's voice immediately shot up in volume, and you couldn't help but laugh humorlessly at the fact. It also didn't help that he was just spewing worthless bullshit that didn't even mean anything in a senseless stream.

"I don't stick my nose in anything. You shove everyone's nose in that fucking bullshit every time you bring Mandy around an hour after we just fucked in your trailer." Her name felt like poison on your tongue, and you hated yourself for how much you felt jealousy burning inside you at having to bring up his 'girlfriend'. "Do you think everyone is stupid? Do you think they don't see all of this?"

"I don't give a shit." That was his class A, well thought out retort to your calling him out on all of his garbage. He just brushed it off with a careless shrug, so you continued.

“Clearly do you, considering you won’t shut the fuck up." You hadn't come up here to fight. You’d come up here to fuck. And you were getting what you wanted.

"Sometimes I think you like fighting. You never shut your goddamn mouth long enough to stop." He was really fucking pushing it. He had a chronic habit of pushing it, but tonight he was really on a different level. Johnny Knoxville himself telling you that you never shut your mouth was gold.

"Yeah? If you're such a little fucking angel, then why don't you come shut it for me, bitch." You goaded in response, standing up off the bed and opening your arms like you were inviting in his best shot. Which, in a way, you were. His jaw clenched, and he stared at you for a second before he was kicking his shoes off messily by the door and stomping after you.

You were almost knocked back when he reached you and immediately crashed his lips onto yours, the only thing saving you being his hand that settled to hold a painfully tight grip on your hip. You weren't taken aback in the slightest, however, and you reached up to fist a hand in his hair that went just as tight, forcing his head closer as you deepened the kiss.

It wasn't long before Johnny's fingers were at the hem of your shirt, only taking a second to rip it over your head as his lips fell away from yours and down to your neck. As he kissed and sucked harshly (which you tried futilely to push him out of considering you did not want to have to explain hickeys to the rest of the crew), his hands found the button of your jeans, and he quickly fumbled it open before getting the zipper down after it.

“Do you have a condom?” You were making a few mistakes, but unprotected sex with someone who was clearly fucking someone else at the same time was not going to be one of them. He scoffed, and you knew that it was because you hadn’t had the same conversation in the past. People fuck up sometimes, alright?

“Suddenly you have fuckin’ standards about everything?” He motioned around the room, as if to reference the situation that you were currently in. You stared him down furiously as you kicked your jeans off, biting back a lot of words that would’ve absolutely ended this little session and turned it into a real fight. Instead, you settled on something a little more toned-down, yet still incredibly offensive.

“If you’re gonna stay with that stupid skank, then you’re gonna keep wearing a condom.” You really didn’t think Mandy was a skank, nor did you really have any serious ill feelings towards her (those had all been redirected towards your stupid shared piece of ass), but you knew it would rile him up. He just clenched his jaw before stepping away from you to rummage through his suitcase next to his bed, coming up with a small foil package before turning back to you. You wondered if he realized that you were winning.

As you let him come towards you before he stuck his index fingers in the waistband of your underwear and yanked them down, you glared at him and diverted his mouth away when he tried to go for your neck, instead helping him get his shirt over his head before working at his stupid KNOXVILLE belt as he kissed you again.

You knew you were making a mistake. You knew that good and well, and you absolutely knew that you were going to regret fucking him in the current mood you were both in when you were feeling a little smarter and more common-sensical later, but you’d made worse mistakes before. You would survive a little bit of shame once you were out of his hotel room.

Johnny could act like he hated you all he wanted, but nothing could cover how hard he was when he finally stepped out of his Dickies and boxers. You let a smirk play on your lips at the fact, and when you looked back up to his eyes, all he was doing was glowering down at you in response.

"Don't fucking say anything." He warned, sounding as if he was almost speaking through his teeth as he watched you slowly move to lay down on the bed in front of him with your legs coyly spread. You, however, were never one for following demands, and the first thing you did was open your mouth.

"Will you just shut the hell up and fuck me? Jesus Christ. You just keep going." That was definitely on purpose as a way to get what you wanted, and you saw that fiery look flaming up in his eyes as he moved to kneel on the still-made bed in front of you.

"Get on your hands and knees. Now." He was so easy to play. If all else failed, you could always trust that Johnny's insolent temper would always betray and overpower his common sense.

You did as he requested despite the fact that you knew it meant you’d probably be leaving the hotel room with legs that you could barely walk on, only wincing slightly when his warm hand on your back pushed you down into an almost uncomfortably-deep arch. Your face was already pressed into the mattress, and you couldn't help but feel excitement fizzling up beside your temper inside of you. That and a burning need for him to hurry up and put his cock in you.

"Suddenly you don't have anything to say. Figures." Funny, coming from him. You twisted your head enough to shoot him a venomous look, eyes full of a hatred that was teetering on the edge of being real by this point as you watched him roll on the condom. You were trying to ignore how incredibly hot he looked from the angle you were in.

"Fuck you, Knoxville." You said it with all of the sincerity you could muster; half because it was definitely what you were feeling inside and half because you knew fully well that calling him ‘Knoxville’ instead of PJ like you normally would’ve would hurt him. Or anger him, at the very least. He only chuckled sourly.

“Y’ already are, sweetheart.” He used the pet name in an equally-hateful tone, and as he spoke, he pushed into you. He didn’t give you much time to adjust, which you knew was both because he was impatient and because he was pissed, but you didn’t really give a shit either way. You obviously weren't going to let it show, but you were just as impatient as he was. You needed to blow off the steam that had been building between you lately somehow, and you weren't going to pass up an opportunity regardless of what form it presented itself in.

Although he didn’t give you time to adjust, Johnny started out thrusting shallowly into you, both hands tightly on your hips as he pulled you back on his cock.

“Go fucking faster.” You knew you were just making things worse for yourself. In fact, you knew that more than very well. But you just couldn’t help it. Tension between the two of you had been building for too long, and you were ready to let it loose in the only way you both truly know how.

Out of nowhere, a hand smacked down on your ass. Hard.

“Shut the fuck up and take what I give you.” Exactly what you fucking wanted. Despite his snapping at you, Johnny’s pace gained power then, his cock beginning to piston into you harshly with his hands back on your hips to keep you from being able to do anything besides just take it. You moaned softly, arching your back a little further just to entice him as you (secretly) relished in the sting of where his hand had smacked your ass.

Usually during these moments where you were locked away in a hotel room or in the secret privacy of someone’s guest bedroom together, Johnny was quiet. He stayed almost silent, and usually he made sure you were pretty close to the same. But now? He was grunting and groaning with every thrust of his hips, pulling higher and higher pitched moans from your lips as he angled his hips to hit that sweet spot inside of you.

“All this backtalk, and yet you’re always whining like a bitch on my cock by the end of the night.” Johnny said condescendingly when you let out a particularly loud cry, hand moving from your hip to grip your ass harshly. You knew you were going to have bruises on your hips by the time you woke up the next morning, and arousal only thrummed hotter inside of you at the thought. “Ain’t mad at me all of a sudden, or what?”

“Shut the fuck up and just do what you’re good for.” You snarled back, praying that your voice didn’t come out as shaky as your legs were. He really never knew how to shut his mouth when he really needed to. If you had been in a different position, best believe you would’ve been pulling harshly at his hair by now. Your comment did not sit well with him, apparently, because suddenly you felt a burning sting in your scalp, and then you were literally being yanked backwards by your hair until you were bent at an uncomfortable angle while still laying with your back arched for him.

“You have a real fuckin’ mouth, you know that?” Once again, Johnny’s tone had gone completely calm besides the occasional rasp due to the fact that he was still slamming into you mercilessly, and you were stuck between being deeply turned-on and a little worried for your own wellbeing. “You wanna know what I think? I think you rile me up on purpose just so that I’ll fuck you until you can’t walk. Clearly you need cock so bad that you have to act like an asshole all the time just to get it.”

You bit back a moan then, because there was no way you were giving him the satisfaction, before you steadied yourself past how good he was fucking you so that you could respond.

“All you do is beg to fuck me. If either one of us is desperate, it sure as hell isn’t me.” Sure, it was actually pretty even on the scale of who-asked-who, but you waited for inconspicuous moments. Johnny essentially tried to stick his hand down your pants every time not every person in the room was looking at the both of you.

“Not like you’re complaining.” He grunted in response, pulling a little tighter where he had a handful of your hair. Soon you were moaning again, starting to feel the effects of his pointedly targeting your g-spot as your legs lost the strength they had started out with. The slide of his cock inside of you was making your head spin, and all you could do was fist your hands tightly in the sheets as you tried to hold off for the sheer effect of making Johnny wait.

You could tell that he knew you were getting close, and just as you began to think that he was going to let your hair go to soothe the ache building in your neck, he suddenly pulled harder. You yelped just as his other hand circled around your hips before he was pulling you up, your back hitting his chest all while he continued to fuck you the entire time. His lips then brushed your neck.

“Who’s fucking you this good, dollface?” If there was anything to be said about Johnny, it was that he liked to play games. Infuriatingly shit-starting games. You learned further back against his chest, instead just moaning instead of answering him because, once again, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction. However, when his hand suddenly snaked over your hip and down before his fingers began to circle slowly over your clit, you lost a little bit of your inhibitions. And he noticed. “Answer me. Who fucks you this good?”

“Fuck, PJ. You.” You caved in a whimper, rolling your hips down on his cock along with his thrusts as his fingers quickly found purchase on your clit. The added pleasure was almost overwhelming, and you reached a hand out to press against his thigh for a false sense of stability. He chuckled breathlessly.

“That’s what I thought.” His chin rested on your shoulder as his arm stayed wrapped tightly around your hips, still holding you in place to his thrusts despite the change in position.

“I’m gonna cum. Don’t stop.” You gasped, your free hand wrapping around loosely around his wrist where he was still rubbing your clit languidly. He only groaned in your ear, hips not losing power despite the fact that you could feel him beginning to switch inside of you. He had always been able to keep it together a little better than you could.

“Cum for me. I know you want to.” He encouraged, thrusting up into you particularly hard so that his tip was hitting right against your sweet spot so directly that you let out an involuntary cry despite the fact that you were trying to control at least a little bit of the sounds that were coming out of your mouth.

Your legs shook hard as you came, your nails digging deep into his thigh where your hand was still pressed down as your back arched against his chest and your head pushed against while you moaned embarrassingly loud. You knew that you were going to replay this moment in your head over and over again a few hours later, hating how much you’d let yourself give in to his charm, but for now you couldn’t have forced yourself to focus on that thought if you’d even cared enough to try.

Johnny came soon after you, his hips stuttering as he continued to fuck you through the moans that fell from his lips while his hand tightened painfully on your hip. You felt another, post-orgasm, shoot of arousal at the sounds of his moans in your ear, and you leaned back as far as you could go against his chest as you slowly fucked through your climaxes before starting to come down.

Johnny let out a satisfied sigh, his grip on you loosening as his hand pulled away from where it had been between your legs. As your mind started to come back to you, awareness also started to come back to you, and you let out a sigh that was for a much different reason than his as you gently pulled off of him and out of his arms.

You knew he was watching you as you crawled off of the bed, and you tried to ignore it as you picked your underwear up off the floor and walked into the adjoining bathroom to clean yourself up. You could hear him get off the bed too, but you didn’t look back.

As you cleaned yourself up and wiped running mascara and eyeliner from your cheeks, you bit back the urge to get angry again; both at yourself and (more) at Johnny. It had happened, and it was probably going to happen again, so there was no use in getting worked up about it all over again.

“Are you staying?” You couldn’t see Johnny as he asked, but you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was probably feeling the same way as you were. You hoped that he was feeling at least a little bit of shame while he pictured his blonde little girlfriend back in LA. You scoffed, not caring whether or not he heard you.

“No.” You would go right back down to the bar, act like you hadn’t just gotten fucked within an inch of your life, and then ignore all the knowing stares when Johnny came down approximately two minutes after you. It had become routine by this point.

“You gonna go back down there and give Dunn and Bam a play-by-play?” There was a hint of sourness in his tone, and you chewed on the inside of your cheek at the fact. You walked back out of the bathroom once you had finished putting on your underwear, met with the sight of him laying on his bed in stark-white boxers.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ve said worse.” You knew that he talked about the two of you’s relationship behind your back. Especially nights like these where, to him, it appeared as if he had won this unspoken fight that had been raging between the two of you for the past few months. “Take a fucking pill or something before you go back down there. You’re ruining everyone’s night.”

“If that’s what you wanna call what we just did.” He still sounded cocky, but he was also more relaxed now, reclined with his hands behind his head and his eyes barely half-open. “Same place tomorrow night?”

“Sure. Stick your head a little further up your ass and then just wait for me.” You said snidely, still chewing your cheek as you pulled on the rest of your clothes. You refrained from glaring at him like you wanted to knowing that it would only encourage him, instead avoiding looking anywhere near him at all as you finally pulled your shoes on.

He said nothing then, but you knew he was staring at you, his foot tapping repeatedly against the mattress like he was waiting for you to either say something or leave. Luckily for him, you were choosing the latter.

Then, just as you got to the door, he decided that he wasn’t done.

“Y/n.” He called your name almost as if he was scared of you, the sound of him moving on the bed causing you to look back and see that he had sat up almost straight. You took a deep breath, trying to will yourself to have some patience where it was wearing thin into almost nothing.

“What.” You were giving him 30 seconds at most. Usually, if he was using that tone, his guilt had set in, and you had no sympathy for his feelings at this time and point in your relationship anymore. No sense in helping him tuck himself into the bed that he had made.

“I’m breaking up with Mandy. When we fly back home.” Fucking Christ. It’s like he craved your reaction to every single move he made. You felt your heart twist, and you just stared at him for a long moment, trying to soothe the sea of different emotions threatening to hurl itself up into your chest.

You didn’t need him. You didn’t need him, and you didn’t want him.

“Okay.” And then you were out the door.