#prob been like 10 years since ive worn swimwear lmfao thanks gender dysphoria and self harm !
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wtv
#self harm tw#it's funny how much crueler i am with myself now than when i was younger#because ive been shing for hhh idk 8 9 years now#it started as me wanting to punish myself for all the guilty i felt inside#and it went on for a long long time because i just felt horrible and i needed to disappear so things would be alright#but i couldn't kill myself so i just hurt my body instead to try and make up for it#i was sad and scared and confused back then#but now? im just angry. im tired. im fed up of myself#the cuts are much deeper and longer and there's so many more of them#and i just keep doing it#i honestly dont think there's much rhyme or reason for it rn. i just wanna hurt myself bc i hate myself so much i want to fucking die#and yeah maybe ill attempt again but this time ill make damn sure it works#but i still never harm my wrists or anywhere visible#its always my waist/hips/thighs and i never wear shorts or anything above my ankles#like i cant tell u the last time i wore actual shorts or like proper beachwear (i live in the beach) bc my hips are just scars#prob been like 10 years since ive worn swimwear lmfao thanks gender dysphoria and self harm !#but yeah now i just want it to hurt and bleed and make me feel some goddamn thing that inst this fucking void#im so fucking tired dude#what's the point of anything#nothing feels meaningful or real or important enough#im an unlovable broken motherfucker and im fed up of never getting better#oh but u need to stop being so pessimistic then !! suck my dick ive tried pretending i wanted to live and be happy and it never worked#so again whats the fucking point#im done here#dawn.txt
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